Chapter 12 Chapter 10 Other Ways to Challenge Negative Thinking

The previous chapters focused on ways to identify and challenge negative thoughts and emotions, such as: monitoring your thinking; recording your thoughts and clarifying them; Ways of thinking, self-attack); By examining the evidence supporting or denying negative thinking, challenge negative thinking and replace unreasonable concepts with reasonable ones.This chapter discusses other ways to challenge depressive thoughts and feelings.I suggest that before doing the exercises in this chapter, it is best to do the exercises in the previous chapters so that you can accumulate some experience in identifying and challenging negative thinking.

use signal card When you feel depressed, you can use signal cards to remind yourself of various effective ways to fight depression.You can take a blank postcard or a piece of white paper of similar size, write down your most typical negative thinking on one side; write down reasonable ideas that challenge this thinking on the other side.Repeat the exercise above for all of your negative thoughts. Example: Suppose you have the belief, "I'll never get better," and when one day feels less bad, write your belief on one side of the signal card and your assumptions on the other: Concerned about how your friend would persuade you; if your friend were in this situation, how would you advise him.Remember, instead of imagining these problems indifferently, be as gentle and kind as possible, like a caring friend who is encouraging you out of depression.Here are some key points:

．I have these feelings because I am depressed. ．This is my typical depressive reaction - often seeing the dark side. ．Even though I feel this way, it's not necessarily true, in fact many people who are depressed get healed. ．It's a bit of a haste, although I'd like to get better right away.I should have set my goals lower and worked my way up. ．Focusing too much on "I'll never get better" will make me feel worse, so I should focus on what I can do, not what I can't. ．Listening to the radio, enjoying music, going for a walk or engaging in other cultural activities are good ways to divert your attention.

．If I can learn to take it step by step, I will be able to control my depression better, let's do it and see what happens. How do the above ideas look to you? Do you have thoughts of belittling them in your head (a typical depressive response)? Do you think "Makes sense, but...", or "Maybe it works for someone else, but it doesn't work for me"? If you do have these thoughts in your head, remember it’s depression talking, what can it do to try? How can you beat these thoughts? Let's list some more negative beliefs, which contain a lot of self-labeling: "My depression shows that I am a terrible, weak, incompetent person, and I never imagined this could happen to me." You should in Record the following ideas on the signal card:

Depression doesn't mean I'm bad, weak, or abnormal. One in five people will be in the same situation as me at some point, at least to some degree. ．Many high-status people (movie stars and politicians) have also been depressed, suggesting that depression has nothing to do with weakness. ．There's a lot of evidence that being depressed doesn't mean you're weak or bad. Winston Churchill was depressed at one point, but he was by no means a weak man. ．It is impossible for me to speak like this to my friends in the same situation, I try to understand and encourage them as much as possible, labeling them (and myself) as "terrible" or "weak" is not good, it is a sign of bullying form.

．When I'm depressed, I always focus on my own shortcomings. I should learn to focus on what I do and what I can do. ．I would be fine if I stopped wallowing in depressive ideas.Now, I should distract myself. You should carry your signal card with you (put it in your pocket or bag), and take it out when necessary to cheer yourself up and help yourself control negative thoughts.Some people find it helpful to hang them somewhere in the house, for example, a woman I know who was trying to lose weight and couldn't control her snacking habit had a signal card on her refrigerator that read:

Are you craving snacks again now?Think about it: Do you really need to eat? Would you feel better if you could resist the temptation? Grab a cup of tea instead, hold on, and tomorrow you'll be very happy with how you are doing now. Every time she wanted to eat a snack, she looked at this signal card, and her self-control became stronger each time. Be prepared for emotional situations If you know that some kind of stress is approaching, you should prepare in advance.You can use signal cards to remind yourself of the coping methods you should take.If you're going to have a dinner with friends, your reaction might be, "Oh, God, it's so difficult! I won't be able to handle it." You should come up with your main coping ideas beforehand:

．Maybe it won't be as bad as I thought, let's find out the proof. ．I should break the things I should do into small steps, each small step is a "can do". ．Even though I don't want to do it, I try to avoid filling my head with "I can't do it". ．I should have a plan of action, and while doing it, I can use relaxation techniques, monitor my body, control any kind of tension, focus on what's going on, and admonish myself if I feel guilty : "Look, I'm doing pretty well, not great, but at least not bad." ．When guests come, I bring them drinks and tell them what to do.Guests like a casual environment where the focus of attention is not on me.

．During the banquet, if you feel nervous, you should relax immediately.I'm going to get up and go to the kitchen, or to get some air.I'm not tied down there, I can go wherever I want - this is my home after all. ．I should imagine how well the party will go, not how bad it will be.My purpose is to prove that I can handle it, which is my main task at the moment.I should avoid all-or-nothing thinking (eg: it's either great or it's terrible). ．Every step of the way, think "good job" and try to avoid negative thoughts.I'm going to help myself as much as I can, and praise myself for every little success.

—The above practices are designed to help you deal with seemingly difficult things and prepare in advance. The more you focus on how to deal with them, the smoother things will go. if emotions could speak Many depressed people say they have no clear ideas in their minds, only feelings.I remember one time when I was driving to work and I was very depressed.At first, I couldn't focus on anything, so I adopted the "if feelings could talk, what would they say" mentality, trying to catch the feeling of frustration in order to tell myself what was going on.Using this approach, I've found that I can figure out why I'm feeling down.It (emotion) told me very melancholy: "Your life has no direction, you're old, and opportunities are moving away from you." Tracing this thought, I found its source in cricket.In my thirties, I was so focused on work that I gave up a lot of sports that I enjoyed in my youth.By the time I was in my forties, I picked up these sports again, and although I was a good player in college, I'm not now.Compared with the younger players, I was a clumsy old man with poor eyesight and couldn't see the ball clearly.It dawned on me that I was mourning the passing of my youth.If we allow our emotions to speak freely, they can lead us to some very strange places.

So if you can't establish your ideas but you can identify your emotions, ask yourself, "If my emotions could talk, what would it say?" 'Speak out the thoughts that come into your head and notice them , but don't distract them, find out what ideas come to mind when you pay attention to your emotions.Be prepared, because sometimes our minds go blank or thoughts that don't make sense, but it does The purpose is to guide oneself in a directed exploration on its own. Joe was angry, but he thought he had no thoughts. I let him lean back in his chair, close his eyes, and focus on the part of his body that was holding the anger, allowing the thoughts to move freely in his head.I said, "Okay, Joe, feel the anger inside you, and go into it, and now, if your anger could talk, what would it say?" Joe found himself thinking, "Why do people do this to me?" "Life is simply abominable!" This was the first step in the long march of focusing on exactly what made Joe think that way.Joe's past experience has made him feel that he was always unsuccessful, and we can explore how when he is angry, the background of his thinking is always "I am not successful", so that he can understand how his ideas change his life. How distressing, how to increase rather than decrease his chances of being unsuccessful, make him feel depressed.He figured out how to overcome these thoughts with salutary ideas, and he did it like this: ．I should learn to live day by day instead of looking back in anger. ．My anger is understandable, but not helpful, the past is past anyway. ．I can be sad about it, but not wallowing in my emotions all the time makes it harder to live the kind of life I want. ．In fact, there are many good things in my life, such as my marriage, but I can't make it better. He realized that he had been so caught up in anger with the past that he wasn't enjoying his present life well.He intends to hold onto his anger and bear witness to such a bad event.communicate with different parts of self So far in this book there have been references to ideas of depression, ideas of anxiety, ideas of anger, ideas of rationality, ideas of compassion, and so on.Sometimes we can think of these ideas as different parts of ourselves and find ways to name each "part" or ideas.Self-critical ideas may be called "inner bullies," self-supportive ideas may be named "inner helpers," and so on.If we give these interiors (different ideas) a certain space, then we will be able to observe them very well and listen to the various types of conversations that are going on within.The thing to remember is that we are not one-dimensional individuals, and in many situations we have mixed thoughts and emotions. At times, you can imagine yourself as a bystander, or a mediator—listening to parts of yourself.Here is a method: take three chairs, sit on one of them, and let the other two face you.Sitting in that chair, you are the bystander or mediator.Imagine that one of the chairs you are facing is the "internal bully," and ask yourself, "What would the internal bully say about me or about this?" Next, jot down the thoughts that come into your head and repeat them when you're done — over, or read aloud, as in "Okay, let me review, I've seen the bully's point of view, you, the bully thinks that [your name] is not a - good person, because he's not - no effort, or failure in—" (could be any self-critical notion).Now start asking the other chair, which you can think of as your rational and empathetic self (your inner helper), who will say: Bullying is easy, anyone can kick things down and beat them up The accuser, the bully may think they are strong, however, in the face of difficulties, the real strength comes from those who support them.Bullying is unhelpful, (your name) needs support and encouragement, and it turns out that bullies love all-or-nothing thinking (overgeneralizing, ignoring positives, labeling themselves, etc.). Focus rational/compassionate thinking (on behalf of the inside helper) on the evidence, give examples of how the bully thinks in an all-or-nothing way, etc. The point here is to help you externalize and clarify internal perceptions, exposing them.Through the exercises above, you can learn to give yourself some space to recognize self-criticism and gain an understanding of how it affects you unconsciously.This is great for clarifying your small-minded thinking, but it also enables you to listen to the voice of your inner helper. Our brains cannot hold many ideas at the same time.So, this process of letting parts of the self (ideas in the brain) express themselves in a controlled way can help you figure out which perspectives and evaluations are important to you, and you can target various Try different types of ideas, such as: anxiety ideas, anger ideas, sadness ideas, etc. When you ask questions and listen to statements (concepts), it is as if a mediator is trying to bring peace and harmony to your inner world, so you will always be on the side of the inner helper, and you should also pay attention to the inner critical part, lest it bring Manufactured products (such as all-or-nothing thinking) get away with it.The tenor of governance still tends to help you identify your negative thinking and challenge it. Another helpful way is that you can learn to "act".For example, play every part of yourself as seriously as if you were competing for an Oscar.It's not easy to do this when we're depressed, but that doesn't mean we can't realize that we can take our inner thoughts less seriously.Another question you want to ask yourself is: "Does the internal bully remind me of someone? Who?" Then think about what you want to say to that person (or those people).I mean what I really want to say.Look around, it's just you and three chairs, say whatever you want. If you find it difficult to use compassionate thinking to deal with internal bullies, recall the methods described in this book, and repeat, over and over.Be emotionally involved, and remember that compassion/rational thinking can help you control the bully. If you still find it difficult to control your internal bully, and this practice is making you worse, then this method may not be for you, but keep writing it down.describe yourself Sometimes it may help to see yourself from a different perspective. One way is to write a short message to yourself from the perspective of a close friend who cares about you. The content of the letter should include: · I have known (your name) for twenty years, and I think he is——. ．I found him—. ．I know he's trying to do—. ．I like him because——. ・His power is——. ．It would help him a lot if he did— ．I think he needs to—. Write down any ideas that come into your head, and try to avoid focusing too much on negative events.Because it's so easy for negative things to enter your head during negative times, the purpose of this exercise is to help you get into the habit of seeing yourself from a different perspective.If you want, show your writing to someone you trust for their opinion on changing negative images. When we're depressed, we often feel as if we've fallen into a deep hole or pit. Our internal images are dark and harsh, and the inner world in particular can affect our lives.Therefore, it is sometimes helpful to deal directly with these images.If you feel yourself going down a deep hole, imagine a ladder hanging down in front of you, and you are climbing up, step by step.Climbing out at once is of course good, but only a superman can achieve it.So far, I have not met a superman.Every time you succeed at something, you climb another level. If your internal image is dark, imagine opening some windows to let the light in, or making a door, and stepping out. Don't passively accept your image, try to change it and make it healthier. Carroll wanted to get out of some painful relationship and live alone, but her internal image always lived in a cold, dark place where no one came to see her and she couldn't get out.Carroll thinks this imagery of hers probably dates back to childhood, when she was left alone in a small cradle in a dark room.By focusing on these images and using positive imagery (such as entering imagery), she found that this dark imagery was a reflection of real relationships with others.She began to imagine how to change this place, how to arrange it according to her wishes: what kind of paintings to paste on the walls? what kind of flowers to buy? which friends to invite to be guests and so on. The most important thing about images is that once you perceive them, you have to find a way to change them. You can't just let the images enter your brain and feel worse because you can't change them.Changing the image is what matters. Some people like to paint, and when they are depressed, people like to use gloomy tones.It will help you a lot if you paint some pictures with healthy colors.Picture healthy images such as country scenes or images of the ocean.The point of this chapter is to identify dark imagery and infuse it with light and health. do or don't The main reason to do things is that they help you, but we want to avoid doing things that have to be done, which will only wear you down.When we're depressed, we need to do less, not more. Betty thought she had to do something because her therapist said it would make her feel better.So she did it without seeing the value in doing the thing itself.When you are depressed, before you engage in an activity, consider answering the following questions: ．If I'm proud, do I feel better about missing things? ．Am I doing enough positive events for myself? ．Did I do it because I had to, or was it made me do it? ．When I succeed, do I give myself enough praise? change values We acquire certain values ​​or attitudes to life because those who have a significant impact on our lives (significant others) tell us that certain values ​​are good.And punish us for our disobedience.This is how we learn our attitudes toward issues such as sex, religion, and the expression of anger.Sometimes we adopt certain values ​​to please others, or even society as a whole.For example, thinness has become the goal pursued by women, and many women suffer from anorexia due to excessive dieting.We turn these standards into our own (called internalizing), which becomes the standard of judgment. To get out of depression, we sometimes have to reevaluate our values ​​and attitudes.This is a painful and very difficult process, because we will lose the standard by which we measure ourselves and accept new adventures.Worse, changing what we learned from our parents can make us feel disloyal.Sometimes we cling to values ​​that are harmful to us, thinking that we still hope that we can overcome them and make our parents proud of us. Sam was highly achievement-motivated and did well because his father once told him that the only thing that matters in this world is achievement.Sam knew that his achievement drive and intense self-criticism weren't doing him any good, and he knew that his self-critical tone sounded a lot like his father's.Still, he couldn't let go of the belief, "If I don't accomplish anything, I'm worthless." To let go of his values, he had to let go of his idea that, sooner or later, I'm going to be great. To prove himself, this is his ideal.Throwing it away would grieve the father and deprive oneself of the purpose of life.It took Sam Huagen a long time to understand that achievement is wonderful and can bring him glory, but it is not good to base the whole value on achievement, just like putting all eggs in one basket, which is serious limit his sense of worth.His father's notion that you're nothing without achievement is wrong. To help you test yourself, write the following two columns against each other.In the first column list the values ​​you have learned from others, and in the second column list the values ​​you will pass on to your loved ones (such as your children): Attitudes/values ​​I have learned from others Values ​​that I want to pass on to others (children or friends) to make their lives happier Women should not get used to having sex. Sex is pleasurable and everyone has the right to have it. You should not express what you mean. It is very important to express your true emotions without hiding them, and anger can be transformed into confidence. Other people's needs are more important than yours. Everyone's needs are important, if you care about other people's needs, you will lose your own, needs, become a servant to others, and eventually you will suffer from depression and not be able to take care of anyone. Depression is a sign of weakness. Depression is a painful mental state that needs to be understood, and it has affected millions of people throughout the ages. Depressed people are not weak or bad, they often follow their :values ​​to the letter and do whatever it takes to make it work.If they fail, instead of re-examining their own value standards, they attack themselves desperately.In fact, it is this very force that drives them to maintain their own values ​​that pushes them into the abyss of depression.Despite their efforts to fight depression, they have to endure the pain of depression rather than overcome it because of their "must do" beliefs and strict adherence to (learned) values ​​and judgments.They often think that depression can be overcome with a little effort.However, fighting depression requires identifying unhelpful attitudes and values.Trying to get better means trying to change some of your attitudes, rather than strictly adhering to them. life script Another way to examine attitudes and values ​​in life is to trace them in "life scripts," or roles we tend to play.An identity is provided here.For example, think about what kind of person you are, and then complete the following sentences: I am that kind of—person.There will be many answers, not one. What would your answer be? Would you say "I'm the kind of person who cares about others / works hard / never expresses anger easily"? Or "I'm the kind of person who always fails / gives in / falls behind / falls short"? Or "I'm the kind of person who waits to be chosen instead of actively choosing/never brags about myself"? The point of life scripts is that we are all a small character in a drama.Sometimes we play characters from other people's scripts.We may blame fate, but take a few days to think about how you would answer the above questions, and see if any new ideas pop into your head.Check for repetitions in the script of your life (e.g., characters), and if so, write it down and think about how this script came about.Think as lovingly as possible about how you would change it, and how your behavior would change if you had completely different values. Another life script you should try is "I'm not that-person".You could fill in "I'm not the type to be selfish / hurt others for fun / deceive others" or "I'm not the type to indulge my sexual desires / put my own needs first", etc.To identify with something means having to reveal what you think you are and what you are not. If you identify with a certain life script (a style of life in which you become "you"), think about how you will change it, what do you need to do? Will you develop in the direction you want.