Chapter 13 Chapter 7 Rejection: Saying "No" Just Right
In life, you need to say "no" everywhere.For example, you are resting at home on a weekend, and a salesman arrives unexpectedly, saying something like "here is a gift for you", but you can't go out after trying hard; the phone rings suddenly, and it is a salesman from an electrical appliance company, introducing you A newest product, how high-quality and low-priced; You are a little nervous about the economy, but a friend tells you "We are going to get married, should we congratulate you", "We just gave birth to a baby, let's go and see it"; You are concentrating on your work in the office, and a colleague who has just finished work comes and says to you: "Take a break, don't be so tired." Just after sending this gentleman away, another colleague who chats with you, if you don't care about them If I accompany you enthusiastically to the end, this half day will be ruined, and nothing can be done.To the "chat guest", you can say: "I'm sorry, today is my busiest day recently, and I dare not take a rest no matter how tired I am." Those with a little knowledge will leave the office immediately.Therefore, being good at saying "no" in life is the art of getting rid of all distractions.
The word "no" is a negative word with strong emotions. When we use it to our bosses and friends, we must smile and speak kindly.Even for marketers who have never met before, they must pay attention to some methods.
In life, it is even more necessary to learn some rejection skills for requests from relatives and friends.If we are worried that our old friends will complain that we are unreasonable, afraid that people will say that we are unwilling to help others, afraid of hurting other people's self-esteem, or afraid of bringing unpleasantness and trouble to others, we will easily promise something to others, but in the end we will fall into endless troubles This not only wastes my time, but also wastes my energy and hurts my relationship with my friends.
When you want to refuse a friend's request for help, first of all, be gentle. Although it is your right to say "no", you still need to say "I'm very sorry" or "I'm really sorry", and then state in detail what you can't "help". kind of reason.In this way, friends can accept it emotionally, so as to avoid some negative effects.
Let your friends realize emotionally that what you reject is the "thing" rather than the "person".Make the friend feel that although this "thing" has been rejected, he and you are still good friends.You can say something like this: "I am very happy to do this, but unfortunately, I am doing an urgent job right now. Next time you have such a good job, I will definitely do it." You can also say: "These few days God, I really can't get away, would you ask Lao Zhang to help, he is more proficient in this area than me, if it is not convenient for you to find him, I can ask him for help on your behalf."
Don't bluntly refuse a friend's request for help, but let the friend realize that you are refusing for his "interest".You can say something like this: "I sympathize with you very much and want to help you very much, but I am not good at this matter. Once it is done badly, it will not only delay work, but also waste property, and the impact will be bad. You might as well find A more reliable person will handle it." Or say: "The time limit for your work is too short. If I take it easy, I will definitely not be able to do it in such a short time. You can find someone else first. It is really impossible. Let’s discuss it later.” Even if this friend turns around and comes back to beg you again, you have already said something beforehand, and then you can put forward some conditions such as postponing the completion date.If this friend thinks it is not possible, he himself will hire Gao Ming to go.
If your friend's request for help is really not well thought out, you can patiently and realistically analyze the pros and cons of doing or not doing it.Let the friend come to the conclusion of "don't do this for now".
Everyone has their own tasks at work. Although helping colleagues is a good quality, you should learn to refuse if it hinders your work.
Of course, rejecting others is not easy and requires some skill.For example, refusing to accept a request from an inconsiderate and demanding boss is often seen as impossible.However, some seasoned time managers are well versed in the method of rejection. They often organize the already excessive work from their bosses into a priority list according to their priorities. When the boss puts forward additional work requirements, the priority list will be displayed. Let your boss decide where the newest job request fits in that priority list.This approach has three advantages: First, let the boss make the final decision, showing respect for the boss; second, since the priority list is full, any additional work requirements may make some of the original work unable to be done as originally planned. As planned, unless the new job request is of high importance, the boss will have to cancel it or find someone else to delegate, even if the new job request is of high importance, the boss will have to cancel or postpone some of the original work assigned , so that new work requirements can be handled; third, if the subordinate adopts this method of refusal, it can prevent the boss from misunderstood that he is shirking responsibility.Therefore, this is an extremely effective way to say no.
When many people want to reject each other, they will have an "embarrassed" mentality.This kind of psychology prevents people from speaking out their rejection.Because of this contradictory mood, he is not so enthusiastic in his attitude, speaks hesitantly, hesitates to speak but wants to hide and reveal.Under the constraints of this kind of psychology, in the end, they often act according to the intention of the other party.Even if you reject the other party, his attitude can easily cause the other party to misunderstand, thinking that you are deliberately putting on airs and not enough friends.Therefore, if you want to avoid causing a lot of trouble in your work and social interactions, you must first overcome this psychological barrier of "embarrassment".
Foreign experts who study the art of rejection emphasize that it is necessary to establish such a consciousness: "You have the right to say 'no', and you don't have to feel embarrassed because you refuse something to someone." In this way, you will feel calm when you refuse , demeanor generous, clear attitude, to avoid being misunderstood and suspicion.Even if the other party feels a little disappointed and regretful about your rejection at the beginning, your attitude and expression show the other party that you are honest, which will infect the other party and easily weaken the unhappiness in the other party's heart.If you yourself feel that the rejection should not be done, and feel guilty, then your attitude and expression will be hesitant, and the other party will also think that your reasons for rejection are not credible.
In a clothing store, you are choosing a shirt, the style and workmanship are satisfactory, but you feel that the price is not ideal, but seeing the enthusiastic service of the salesperson, you are embarrassed not to buy it.The salesperson takes advantage of your mentality. The more hesitant you are, the more enthusiastic and thoughtful the service will be. He will help you measure the size, try the size, and even pack it by hand and put it in your shopping bag, creating a fait accompli .
When you make a girlfriend for the first time, you may feel in a dilemma, because her appearance is really unlovable, but because it was introduced by your boss, or because she is the daughter of your boss, you hesitate to refuse, although every time Every meeting made you feel uncomfortable and unpleasant, and you wished to run away immediately, but when you thought of the identity of the girl and the majesty of the boss, you had to think carefully.But the girl fell in love with you at first sight, and she was tender and tender, and your boss also felt that good things could happen.As time goes by, you repeatedly lose the opportunity to refuse and reluctantly engage in it. Such a marriage will not be happy.
I don't know how many people in life bought unsatisfactory shirts, married girls they didn't like, promised things they couldn't do, and missed dates that they shouldn't have because they were embarrassed to say the word "no". .
In interpersonal communication, how people treat you depends on you.If you want others to respect you, you have to learn some ways to say "no", such as:
Even in places where there may be some helplessness, it is necessary to speak clearly to some waiters, salesmen, and strangers, and to retaliate against rude and unreasonable people.You have to overcome your timidity and habits in a period of time, stick to it, and you will find that things should be like this!You only need to get one success out of this, and it will surely muster your courage.Attention, you should speak up at this time!Of course, "a gentleman uses his mouth but not his hands", you just want to protect your own interests and have no hatred against them.
"I don't care", "You've decided", "I'm not capable of this", etc., such "modest" excuses are like a green light for others to exploit your weaknesses.When the vegetable seller asks you to look at the scale, if you tell him that you don't know anything about it, then you are telling him to "check the scale more", which can happen anytime, anywhere-if you don't mind!
Simply expressing your negative attitude will make people look at you with admiration immediately.In fact, people respect the unambiguous refusal more than the cover-up and concealment of their true feelings and thoughts.At the same time, you will also feel confident returning to your heart from this refreshing answer.An attitude of hesitating and hesitating will only cause "misunderstanding" to people.
When you are embarrassed by someone who interrupts, speaks loudly, is critical, is annoying, or meddles in your business, be brave enough to point out the unreasonableness of their behavior and say to them seriously, "You just interrupted." My words", "Your fallacies will not work at all", "Based on your logic, the earth will not be round", etc.This strategy works very well.It tells others that you are disgusted by unconscionable behavior.The calmer you appear and the more outspoken you are with those who are tempting you, the less time you will have to be vulnerable.
Don't obey orders that are not orders, do what you want after rest, and you don't need to hug other people's large luggage when you are on a business trip, and let him stroll in front of you leisurely.Don't do things against your will.Whatever you want to do, as long as you don't violate the law or discipline, just do it, and don't be afraid of others' cynicism.
Life transforms you into a weak person who is "weak and deceitable", but through your hard work, you will definitely be able to become a strong person.
In your daily work and life, you may also encounter the following situation: a bad acquaintance comes to haunt you and insists on borrowing money from you, but you know that if you lend him money, it will be a bag of meat buns The dog never looks back; your immediate boss gives you some suggestions on adding or subtracting personnel, but these suggestions do not conform to the reality of the company.
You must refuse such things, but after refusing, you will hurt your peace, arouse resentment, be misunderstood, and even build up resentment.
The only way to prevent this from happening is to use some clever wit.See the example below:
At a meeting of an electronics company in Germany, the manager of the company took out a trademark he designed to ask for everyone's opinions.
The manager said: "The theme of this trademark is the rising sun. This rising sun is very similar to the national emblem of Japan. Japanese people will be happy to buy our products when they see it."
Both the director of the sales department and the director of the advertising department flattered the manager's idea, but the young director of the sales department said: "I don't agree with this trademark." The manager was surprised when he heard that, and everyone in the room stared at him with wide eyes.
Instead of arguing with the manager about the aesthetics of the design circled in red, the young sales director said, "I'm afraid it's too good."
The manager was puzzled, but said with a smile on his face: "Your words are hard for me to understand, let me explain."
"This design is very similar to the national emblem of Japan, and the Japanese like it. However, people in China, another important market of ours, will also think of this as the national emblem of Japan. They will not arouse goodwill and will not buy our products. This is different from this Does the company want to expand its trade business plan with China? This is obviously a loss of focus.”
"My God! Your words are brilliant!" exclaimed the manager.
When expressing objection or refusal to an authoritative person, there must be a good reason and attention to skill.The young director first soothed the manager's displeasure by saying, "I'm afraid it's too good."Later, he used more sufficient reasons to raise his objections to the manager, so the manager would not feel unable to step down.
Rejection is inevitable, and being rejected is unpleasant.A sincere attitude and proper language can minimize this unhappiness and get the understanding and approval of the other party.
A asked B about the secret, and B asked mysteriously, "Can you keep it a secret?" A said, "Yes." B continued, "You can, and so can I."
"A few days ago, the manager just announced that no customers are allowed to enter the warehouse. How can I take you there?"
"This issue involves several people, and I can't make a personal decision. I'll take your request up, let the HR department discuss it, and reply to you in a few days, okay?"
"I can't decide this matter. Let me report your request to the leader, okay?"
"It's a good idea, but the conditions are immature."
"That's a good idea, but I'm afraid my boss won't accept it."
"It's a good idea, but unfortunately I happened to be away on a business trip that day."
"Boy, I can't imagine the company without you, but I'm going to try it out next Monday."
"Your company's geographical environment is not very good. I think the company may be more suitable for hosting this event."
Question: "How many gold medals can China win?" Answer: "We will know when the time comes."
Q: "Someone thinks it's impossible for your company to deliver on time." A: "They have full freedom of speech, and they can say whatever they want."
How can we reject others without offending him or deteriorating the mutual relationship?Here are 7 rejection coups that are both appropriate and polite:
When the famous director Alfred Hitchcock was directing a film, a female star always asked him about the camera angle. She told Alfred Hitchcock from left to right, and must shoot from her best side. . "I'm sorry, I can't do it!" Hitchcock replied: "We can't take your best side because you put it on the chair." His words caused everyone present to laugh waist.
Skill tip: Usually, humorous language can adjust the atmosphere and allow the other party to get a deep inspiration after laughing. If you refuse in a humorous way, the atmosphere will immediately relax, and neither party will feel pressured.
A young writer wants to make friends with a professor of a certain university, with a view to working together in literary creation and theoretical research in the future.The writer said enthusiastically: "Tonight at 6 o'clock, I would like to invite you to have dinner at the Haitianlou restaurant. Let's have a good get together, would you like to?" I really don't have time for the speech.So, he smiled affectionately, and said apologetically, "I'm very honored for your invitation, but I'm busy preparing my speech, so I can't get away. I'm very sorry!" His refusal was polite and pleasant. , but so simply.
Skill tip: If you want to express disagreement with other people's opinions, please pay attention to distinguish your attitude towards "opinions" from your attitude towards people. Resolutely reject opinions, but be warm and friendly to people.
In the Spring and Autumn Period, Yixiu, the Prime Minister of the State of Lu, liked to eat fish, so many people from all over the country gave him fish, but he politely declined them all.His students persuaded him, "Sir, you like fish so much, why don't you want it when others bring it to your door?" Gong Yixiu replied, "It's because I love fish that I can't just accept what others have. Fish as a gift. If I often accept fish from others, I will be guilty of accepting bribes for selfishness. Maybe one day I will be removed from the position of Prime Minister. At that time, I, who likes to eat fish, will not be able to have fish often Eat it. Now that I am honest and upright in my duties and do not accept bribes from others, Mr. Lu will not dismiss me from the post of Prime Minister casually. As long as I am not dismissed from the post, I will always have fish to eat." After listening to Mr. The student nodded if he understood.
Skill tip: When someone puts forward a request that makes you feel embarrassed, you may wish to admit that his request is understandable, and you also want to meet his request, but then say the unquestionable objective reasons, thereby rejecting his request .
There is such a dialogue:
Xiao Li: "Xiao Zhang, Manager Wang asked me to sort out these materials, but I'm afraid I can't do it well, can you help me finish it?"
Xiao Zhang: "I would like to help you, unfortunately, I haven't finished my job yet. In fact, with your ability and quality, you can do it well. You might as well do it first , maybe I can help you with something else."
Xiao Li: "Alright then! Thank you!"
Skill trick: Xiao Zhang’s remarks are very clever. There are both rejections and opposite suggestions. It is suggested that he do it first. What else does the other party have to say?On the contrary, if Xiao Zhang instinctively replies "I'm not good at what you do", it is a very bad way to refuse, and it will easily hurt the harmony among colleagues.
Lincoln once had a clever refusal: A bald visitor pestered Lincoln, wasting his time.In order to get rid of his trouble and entanglement again, Lincoln came up with a wonderful plan.When the man visited for the second time, he deliberately interrupted the other party, and hurriedly took out a bottle of hair growth potion and gave it to the other party: "People say that this potion can make the head grow hair. Now take it away, Come see me in a few months and tell me how it works." The man was a little embarrassed, but seeing Lincoln's sincerity, he had no choice but to pick up the potion and leave.Lincoln's move was really clever. Not only did he send the other party away all at once, but it also made the other party embarrassed to bother him again in a short time.
Skill trick: When others make some kind of request to you, they often express their original intention in a roundabout way. If you know his intention in the middle of his talk, and know that you can’t satisfy him When you have a wish, you might as well change the topic and say something else.Let him know that doing this will only make things difficult for you, and he will back off.
In the TV series "Pars Sheriff", the wife of Sheriff Pals tried to persuade Pals to stop investigating the case of a big man who tortured and killed his wife out of consideration for Pals's future and personal safety.Finally she said: "Pals, please listen to me as a wife once." But he replied: "Yes, this is very reasonable, especially when my wife persuades me like this, I should think carefully. But don't you forget that this villain killed his wife with his own hands!"
The trick of the move: what kind of reason do you use to refuse when someone asks you, so that the other party has nothing to say.
Example 1: A: Just help me with this matter!
B: I really don't have time to help you with this matter, you might as well go to ×× to try.
Example 2: A: Can I borrow this document for a few days?
B: I'm sorry, I still need this material for a few days, but there is still a copy in the library that has not been borrowed. You can borrow it as soon as possible.
Skill tip: When the other party really asks you for help with something difficult, but you can't bear it or don't want to intervene, you can use the method of finding another way out for the other party to weaken the possible unhappiness.If the other party has other "outlets", they will not care about your rejection.