Chapter 12 Chapter 6 Criticism: Harsh Words Are Pleasant

There are two reasons why the criticism is rejected: one is that the critic does not understand the situation of the client and the reasons for the error, which makes the client feel aggrieved; Clumsy" or "ignorant" nature aroused the resentment of the parties concerned.Based on sincere criticism, these two kinds of mistakes should be avoided, and the critical methods and art of criticism should be emphasized. On July 1, 1863, the Battle of Gettysburg in the American Civil War began.By the night of July 4th, General Lee in the south was defeated.Lincoln was overjoyed. He realized that if Lee's army were defeated, the war would soon be over.So, full of hope, he issued an order to General Midi on the front line, asking him to attack immediately.However, Midi disobeyed Lincoln's order and used all kinds of excuses to refuse to attack General Lee.Finally, General Li and his army crossed the Porto Loo River and fled south smoothly.

Lincoln was furious and extremely disappointed. He sat down and wrote a letter to Midie, expressing his extreme dissatisfaction in the letter.Lincoln has a passage that goes like this: "Dear General, I do not believe you will be deeply unhappy that General Lee has escaped. He is within our reach, and if he is captured, combined with our recent victory, the war will be over. Now , the war is bound to continue. You failed to capture General Lee last Monday. Now that he has fled to the south of the Porto Loo River, how can you guarantee success? It is unwise to expect you to succeed, and I am not Hope you will do better now. I am deeply sorry that the opportunity is gone forever."

The letter was finished, but Lincoln was not in a hurry to send it. He looked out the window and thought, "Wait a minute, maybe I shouldn't be in such a hurry. It's easy to sit in the quiet of the White House and give orders. If I were in Gettysburg Like Midi, seeing many people shed blood every day and hearing many wounded soldiers cry, maybe I won’t be in a hurry to attack the enemy. If my personality is as timid as Midi, I will probably make the same decision! Anyway! , now that the deal is done, sending this letter will serve no purpose other than to make me feel happy for a while. Midi will defend himself and attack me in turn, which will only make everyone unhappy, and even hurt him future, or force him to leave the army."

So Lincoln put the letter aside, and the painful experience told him: sharp criticism and attacks have zero effect.On the contrary, try to understand the other party's intentions, and the ending will be better. Remember, the other person may be all wrong, but he doesn't necessarily realize it himself.Don't blame him, that would be stupid.One should try to understand others, such a person is a smart person.There must be a reason why other people think that way.Find that hidden reason, and you have the key to explaining his behavior or personality.Try it, and sincerely put yourself in someone else's shoes.If you could always say to yourself, "How would I feel? How would I react if I were in his situation?" you'd save a lot of time and a lot of distress.Because "if we are interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect".

In the history of Chinese literature, there is a story of "Su Dongpo mistakenly corrected Wang Anshi's chrysanthemum poem".Once, Su Dongpo went to visit Wang Anshi, but he did not meet Wang Anshi, but saw an unfinished poem under the inkstone on his desk: "The west wind passed through the garden last night, and the yellow flowers were blown down, and the ground was full of gold." Su Dongpo thought to himself: "Only The golden wind only blows in autumn, and where the golden wind rises, the fragrance will all fall, but the chrysanthemum has the bones of proud frost, so how can the petals fall? The prince is really 'exhausted', and he made a big mistake!" So he continued his poem with a pen after thinking. He said: "Autumn flowers don't fall like spring flowers, so talk to the poet and sing carefully." Then he walked away.Not long after, Su Dongpo and his good friend Chen Jichang went to the back garden to enjoy chrysanthemums and drink wine one day.That day, after a few days of strong winds, there were not a single flower on the branches of more than a dozen chrysanthemums in the garden, and the ground was covered with gold, and the fallen flowers were colorful.Su Dongpo was dumbfounded for a moment, deeply moved.He told his friends that this incident taught him too much, that he must be modest and prudent in all things in the future, and must not rely on his own cleverness to laugh at others casually.After returning to the city, he took the initiative to "plead guilty" to Wang Anshi and admit his mistake.Because he had the courage to admit his mistakes, Wang Anshi also dispelled the estrangement from him.

Su Dongpo thought he was smart and laughed at others casually, causing mistakes, which can be used as a lesson. The way of talking is not to encourage everyone to be harmonious and not to carry out any form of criticism, but to say that you must pay attention to methods and methods, and criticize people as you like.When we make a mistake, we generally admit it to ourselves; if others deal with it in a gentle way and point it out to us in an appropriate way, we will also admit it to them, and even feel that it is honorable to be frank; but If others forcefully stuff unedible food into our mouths, and criticize us too much at will, we will never accept it.We are like this, is it not the case for others?

As the saying goes: "People are not sages, who can do without fault?" People will inevitably make mistakes of one kind or another, and it is difficult for people to wake up in time when they make mistakes, and they are even unwilling to admit them.In this way, it is necessary for someone to correct the mistakes of others in a timely manner, and correcting the mistakes of others is an offending thing. On Xiao Huang's first day at the company, after working overtime in the evening, the boss suggested that, in order to reward everyone, he would invite everyone to sing karaoke. Xiao Huang and his department colleagues happily accepted the invitation.After entering the private room, Xiao Huang naturally sat down on the sofa closest to him.After the boss came in, he found that the sofa was already full, so he sat down on a chair next to Xiao Huang.

After half an hour, the boss left.Xiao Huang never expected that the happy atmosphere would change drastically as soon as the boss left, and the room temperature seemed to suddenly drop by more than ten degrees.A male colleague accused Xiao Huang excitedly: "Why are you so ignorant? The boss is sitting next to you and doesn't even know how to give up his seat? You are so ignorant!" At the age of 23, Xiao Huang has never been reprimanded so loudly, especially in front of all colleagues and KTV waiters.Her face turned red to the base of her neck all of a sudden, and tears of grievance couldn't help rolling in her eyes, and she couldn't help but feel infinitely annoyed: "Ah, why am I so weak? What will the boss think of me in the future?"

The male colleague's original intention may have been to teach Xiao Huang how to behave in the workplace, but the way he spoke was inappropriate, which not only embarrassed Xiao Huang, but also ruined the atmosphere at the time.In fact, if he had offered his seat to the boss earlier, others would have noticed it, and would have understood it. Wouldn't the effect be better? Not everyone is always willing to listen to and accept criticism from others.Some people do something wrong, not only will not admit it frankly, but will find various reasons to defend their mistakes.From the perspective of human psychology, even if it is a very small negligence or mistake, it is impossible for everyone to admit it frankly and without explanation after being corrected.However, in real life, it is impossible and unworkable not to criticize others, regardless of father and son, brothers, superiors and subordinates, colleagues, confidantes, and friends.

So, what kind of speaking method should be adopted when correcting others' mistakes that is easy to be accepted by the other party?The following methods are available for reference: First, we must have great sympathy for people, so that instead of finding fault with them, we will understand the reasons for their mistakes.Moreover, we must always think that we are on the side of the other party, not against him. Second, speak in a gentle and tactful manner, and do not use irritating or uncomfortable words.If speaking is unbearable, then even if the other party admits it, he will not be convinced in his heart.

Third, the less words used to correct others' mistakes, the better. It is best to make the other party understand in one or two sentences, and then switch to other topics. Fourth, when others have done wrong things, we must point out their inadequacies, but we must also greatly praise their merits.This can make the other party maintain psychological balance and be convinced. Fifth, when changing another person's opinion, it is best to try to transplant your own opinion to him unconsciously, so that he feels that he has corrected himself, not because of our criticism. Sixth, for other people's irreparable mistakes, we should stand on the standpoint of friends and give sincere and correct corrections so that they can correct their mistakes instead of severely questioning them. Seventh, when correcting other people's mistakes, do not use the tone of command, it is best to use the tone of asking for advice. Eighth, point out the mistakes of others implicitly, in order to preserve the self-esteem of the other party and make him consciously correct his mistakes. Of course, there may be many ways to correct mistakes, but they are all about strategy. As long as we do this, we will be successful. If you are going to criticize others, pay attention to the following 5 areas: Time, occasion and opportunity should be considered when criticizing.Suppose a manager takes his subordinates to visit customers. When the manager finds that his subordinates have problems in speech and behavior, he cannot criticize them in front of customers.At this time, the most important thing is to use brilliant conversation skills to cover up the shortcomings of your subordinates.Criticizing subordinates in the car or on the way back when no one else is around is a perfect time to criticize them. When someone criticizes people, they always say: "You can see who you are from what you do." This is a big taboo of criticism.When criticizing, you can only focus on things, not on personal personality and character, and use things to describe people. For example, you can say: "Xiao Jiang, I know from previous experience that you will not make such a mistake. Is there any reason why you are not fully prepared this time?" This kind of atmosphere helps the other party to recognize you. Not attacking his character, not criticizing him as a person, but criticizing a certain job or something of him.You point your criticism at his specific work without damaging his overall self-image.This kind of criticism is established in a friendly atmosphere, which makes the other party feel free and willing to accept it.In this way, pointing out the other person's mistakes while actually praising him allows him to rebuild his self-image. The ultimate purpose of criticism is not to overwhelm the other party, not to punish the person, but to help him grow; not to hurt his feelings, but to help him do a better job. The reason why some successful people are good at using criticism is that they can adopt the method of raising first and then suppressing.For example: "Xiao Zhang, your investigation report is well written, you must have put a lot of effort into it. At the same time, there is another important issue that you should pay attention to..."; "Xiao Li, since you were transferred to this unit, , you performed well, and I appreciate your achievements very much. There is one thing I think can be done better, and I believe you will be willing to correct it..." If the other party needs advice and criticism, start by praising their strengths .This method is like a surgeon using anesthesia before an operation. Although the patient feels uncomfortable, the anesthesia can relieve the pain. It's a wonderful way to start with praise and end with advice, and the problem is solved without hurting the feelings. When people make mistakes, what they can't stand is that everyone attacks him, because it hurts his self-esteem. He may admit his mistakes, but he cannot accept this kind of criticism, which will make him full of hostility towards leaders and colleagues. Once the opportunity arises, an eye for an eye will be used. We must never turn others against us if we want our criticism to be effective.Our goal is to achieve some good results, or to get the other person back on the right track, not to belittle his personality.Even if your motives are noble and sincere, remember that the other person's feelings are also at play.In the presence of others, even the most benign manner may arouse the resentment of the person being criticized, and whether justified or not, he already feels that he has lost face in front of colleagues or friends.For some mistakes, as long as he realizes his mistakes, there is no need to ask him to make a public review in front of everyone, but just talking to him face to face in your office is enough to make him reflect.Any self-motivated person is unwilling to make mistakes, even from his personal point of view, and our purpose is only to make him improve his work, not to degrade his personality. Say it three times as light as water.To draw attention to a known fault, one reminder is enough, two criticisms are completely unnecessary, and three times becomes entanglement.It can be uncomfortable if you are triggered to bring up bad things from the past, or to rehash past mistakes you've made -- exposing scars.Unless he makes similar mistakes again, he will think that you are prejudiced against him or have ulterior motives if you criticize him for no reason.Remember the goal of criticism: to improve the work in this area and complete the task smoothly.Once this mistake is corrected and resolved, forget about it.One criticism, one improvement.When the opponent accepts criticism and has made certain progress, he is already on the new starting line. Criticism is not a deposit, the longer the time, the more interest.Always looking through other people's old accounts, nagging endlessly, it doesn't help in doing things at all.When criticizing others, it is advisable to "discuss the matter as it stands" and not settle new and old ones together.At the end of the conversation, a few words of encouragement such as "I believe you will learn from it" will make people feel that this is not an intentional blow, but turning failure into the mother of success, which is a beneficial experience.After thinking about it in this way, he will summon up his energy and devote himself to work more steadfastly. People who make mistakes and do wrong things often have a tendency to defend their self-esteem. If someone appears in an authoritative posture and accuses him of not being wise enough or careful enough, his dignity will be even more threatened.At this time, the defensive tendency will be strengthened, and it is a very natural reaction to turn a deaf ear.In view of this, we should pay more attention when persuading others, and don't let "you are wrong" easily, especially don't force people to admit their mistakes in person, but adopt some gentle and euphemistic ways to subtly imply that they are wrong. Where. There are 13 ways to criticize: The young Maupassant consulted the famous writers Bouille and Flaubert for poetry creation skills.The two masters drank champagne while listening to Maupassant reading poems aloud.After listening to it, Bouye said: "Your poem, although the sentence is lumpy, like a tendon, but I have read worse poems. This poem is like this glass of champagne, which can barely be swallowed." This criticism Although it was strict, it left some room and gave the other party some comfort. Yang Zhen, a famous official in the Eastern Han Dynasty, was known as "Kansai Confucius" at that time.He was an upright and honest official, and he did not accept private invitations. He had served as an official to Situ and Taiwei. When Yang Zhen was transferred to be the prefect of Donglai, he passed through Changyi County.Wang Mi, the county magistrate of Changyi who had been recommended by Yang Zhen before, always wanted to repay Yang Zhen for his recommendation.That night, he made a special trip to the station to visit Xie En.In order to express his gratitude, Wang Mi came to visit alone with 10 catties of gold.Yang Zhen was quite displeased with this: "I know who you are, but why don't you understand my nature?" Wang Mi said, "Don't worry, it's so late, no one knows about it." Yang Zhen replied: "God knows, Earth knows, you know, I know. How can you say that no one knows?" Hearing these words, Wang Mi suddenly felt ashamed, so he had to accept the gift and leave with guilt. This word reached the ears of Alfred, who was very angry and demanded an apology from Charles.Charles said, "I admit I was wrong this time. I thought your poem was stolen from that book, but I looked it up again and it's still there." When Su Dongpo was young, he was very talented. Because he read a lot, he knew all the characters in the book, and he wrote good articles, so he was respected and praised by people.Amidst the praises, Su Dongpo was a little giddy.So one day, he wrote a couplet in front of his study door: read all the books in the world, and know all the characters in the world.After the couplet was posted, some people praised it, but more people didn't take it seriously, thinking that he was too immodest and uttered wild words, which lowered his image. An elder came to Su's house on a special trip to "seek advice" from Su Dongpo, and asked Su Dongpo to recognize the book he brought.What is written on the book is all the fonts created by Shi Zhou of the Zhou Dynasty.Su Dongpo didn't know anyone, so he blushed with shame, so he had to apologize to the elder.The elder didn't say anything, so he left with a smile on his face.Only then did Su Dongpo feel that the couplet in front of his door was not worthy of the name, so he immediately filled in a word for each couplet. The first couplet was: It is good to read all the books in the world, and the second couplet was: It is difficult to know all the characters in the world.This incident educated Su Dongpo, and finally made him a famous writer. Wang Qi wrote a "Bamboo Poetry", and he copied the two sentences he was most proud of, "leaves hold thousands of swords, stems tower ten thousand spears", and showed them to Su Dongpo, hoping to get Su Dongpo's praise.After reading it, Su Dongpo said, "I would like to ask you: what kind of bamboo is this? Why does it take only one leaf out of ten bamboo poles?" own mistakes. A chemistry teacher was reviewing the chemical experiment report of the students in class. Seeing that the experimental plan drawn by a female student was very bad, he called the student to his side and said jokingly: "Look at the beaker you drew, it looks like a grenade!" Yes! You still use alcohol to heat it, if it explodes, wouldn’t it kill me?” The female student smiled sheepishly after hearing this.Afterwards, she strictly followed the drawing procedure and used various drawing tools instead of doodling.The teacher did not directly criticize the student's drawing attitude, but used metaphors to give hints, which was humorous and easy to be accepted by the students. This is to criticize with a usual easy-going tone, in which the tone is friendly and warm but not rude and cold, approachable but not condescending.Mr. Tao Xingzhi once said this to a student who stole a monk's wooden fish from a temple: "Some students like to use knocking wooden fish as the rhythm of the music. The motive is good, but now there is a missing one in the temple. Wooden fish, and wooden fish is a monk's "food and furniture". We can't just enjoy music for ourselves, but cut off the life of others. I believe that the classmate who uses other people's wooden fish is confused for a while. I hope he will still be there when no one is around. Return the wooden fish to its original place. The Bodhisattva will bless him, and we will not blame him." Mr. Tao's words start from the real situation of "the road to life", avoiding the reprimand of abstract principles, are hopeful and encouraging, contain a lot of truth and kindness, and are deeply humane. Criticism is aimed at the other party's mistakes, and "internal causes" play a decisive role in correcting mistakes, while the critic's "external causes" only play a certain auxiliary role, and the other party's fundamental correction of mistakes depends on one's own "conscience".Therefore, a clever critic always gradually "wakes up" the other party and inspires his self-criticism. There was a middle school student who read cartoon books in foreign language class, but the teacher didn't immediately criticize him.After class, the teacher found him in the teaching and research section and said to him kindly: "You are the representative of the Chinese department of our class. Now I ask you an idiom, "to concentrate on one's heart." The classmate replied: "This idiom means No matter what you do, you must concentrate and focus on it.” The teacher praised and said: “You answered very well, but can you give me a specific example to explain?” When the classmate heard this sentence, his face was "swish". The ground suddenly became red, and he lowered his head and said hesitantly: "Take the foreign language class just now. I didn't pay attention to the lecture and read cartoon books below. This didn't achieve 'concentration'. Teacher, I was wrong, please please forgive me!" In this critical story, the teacher did not criticize the students for a word, but inspired the students to realize their own mistakes by asking the students to explain the idioms, which shows how effective heuristic criticism is. The characteristic of this kind of criticism is to point to the critical points of the criticized in a less stimulating way, without revealing it, so as to relieve the tension of the criticized, inspire the thinking of the criticized, and enhance mutual emotional exchanges. Making criticism not only achieves the purpose of educating the other party, but also creates a relaxed and happy atmosphere.Bo Yibo is from Shanxi. He is humorous by nature and full of witty words.Once, at a meeting of provincial industry secretaries, he criticized some people for engaging in industrial construction, only thinking about the present and disregarding the future. He slapped his thigh on the stage and said: "You can't be short-sighted. Construction, regardless of the long-term overall plan... still have to consider how to build the whole family well..." Amidst the roar of laughter, the secretaries all got a profound inspiration. At the end of the Tang Dynasty, Li Keyong was ordered to lead troops to fight against the rebels.Just when Li Keyong was ready to go, Zhu Quanzhong and Yang Yanhong conspired together and turned against Li Keyong.Li Keyong was so angry that he vowed to concentrate his forces and attack Zhu Quanzhong in order to relieve his hatred.However, his wife, Mrs. Liu, disagreed. She said: "You led the army to seek thieves for the country this time, not for your personal hatred. Now, Zhu Quanzhong rebelled and wanted to murder you. Of course you are very angry. I was also very angry, thinking that he should be attacked and killed. However, if you really lead troops to attack him, your task will not be completed, and it will also change the nature of the matter, turning a major national issue into a small matter of personal grievances. I think you should appeal to the imperial court regarding Zhu Quanzhong's rebellion. Wouldn't it be better for the imperial court to send troops to attack him?" After hearing what his wife said, Li Keyong's anger subsided, and he followed his wife's advice and stopped sending troops to attack Zhu Quanzhong. Liu's handling of this matter is measured, and her husband's tactful criticism is also reasonable and restrained.If Li Keyong did not listen to Liu's suggestion, or if Liu was not virtuous, and urged Li Keyong to send troops to attack Zhu Quanzhong, it would be difficult to say who would win and who would lose and who would be right. The writer Benchley said modestly in an article that it took him 15 years to discover that he had no talent for writing.As a result, a reader wrote to him and said: "It's too late for you to change your career." Benchley wrote back: "My dear, it's too late. I can't give up writing because I am too famous." This letter was published later. In the newspapers, people laughed for a long time.Benchley is famous for his work, but instead of directly blaming the reader, he answers questions in pleasant, roundabout ways that protect both the reader's ego and his own reputation. This is to use the method of borrowing one another to make a fuss, so that the critics have a room for thinking.Its characteristic is that it is reserved and implicit, and does not hurt the self-esteem of the critics.Feng Yuxiang has always advocated honesty and simplicity.When he was in Kaifeng, his subordinates were not allowed to wear silk and satin clothes. Whenever he saw someone wearing silk and satin, he would find a way to criticize him.Once, Feng Yuxiang saw a soldier wearing a pair of satin shoes, and hurriedly stepped forward and made a deep bow, which made the soldier dumbfounded.Finally, Feng Yuxiang told him, "I'm not saluting you, just because your shoes are so beautiful, I dare not bow my head and bow down!" The soldier was so frightened that he took off his new shoes and ran barefoot. gone back. The famous American entrepreneur Mary?Kay wrote in the book "Talking about People's Management": "Don't just criticize but praise, this is a principle I strictly abide by. No matter what you want to criticize, you must find out the strengths of the other party to praise, criticize Do this before and after the criticism. It’s what I call the ‘sandwich strategy’ — a small criticism within a big compliment.” The main psychological barrier to accepting criticism is the fear that criticism will hurt one's face and one's own interests.For this reason, critics should help him dispel this concern before criticizing.The way to dispel worries is to sandwich criticism among praises, that is, to make appropriate criticisms on the basis of affirming achievements. There is such a plot in the Soviet film "Lenin in 1918": Gorky, the founder of Soviet socialist literature, lacked understanding of the nature of reactionary bourgeois intellectuals, and came to Lenin with an overly charitable heart to reason, saying that knowledge cannot be suppressed. molecular.Lenin cleverly borrowed the words of a worker to say that if the intellectuals who stubbornly insisted on the reactionary position and were accomplices of the tsar were not suppressed, the Soviet regime could not be maintained for a day.Lenin's persuasion was persuasive and sincere, and Gorky was convinced.When he was leaving, he also said to Lenin: "Comrade Lenin, you are really good. You have criticized people and let them go away happily." How can we make criticism convincing like Lenin did?What should you say when you criticize?What should I say?This involves the content of criticism. Here's what to criticize: Before criticizing, you must recognize which behavior the criticism is aimed at, and don't speak too generally, so as to avoid causing the other party to be wronged or suspicious for no reason.For example, a class cadre of a certain university criticizes a classmate, there are two ways: ⑴You don't care about the group at all. ⑵You have not been a duty student for two months. We can compare that both are critical sentences. ⑴The sentence is too general, and it makes the other party useless, and completely negates the person.Speaking in general terms is not precise enough.The other party can give an example to retort: ​​"I don't care about the group at all. Didn't I also participate in the last autumn outing? Wasn't I also in the cheerleading team in the class tug-of-war that day?" In this way, new conflicts will arise. (2) Sentences are better, instead of using absolute words like "a little bit", just discuss the facts and point out to the other party that something is true and should not be done.Those who are being criticized do not think that they have been unfairly attacked, so it is easy to accept opinions calmly. If someone steps on you on the bus, if your under-10 daughter breaks her job, should those things be criticized?These things cannot be easily criticized.Someone stepped on you because the bus was too crowded; your daughter broke the bowl because you were careless, and you should take a tolerant and comforting approach to these. After recognizing the matter to be criticized, you must also measure whether the other party has the ability and conditions to correct to the extent you require before criticizing. The famous American professional basketball star Bartley's personal basketball skills are very outstanding, but he lacks endurance for other people's mistakes. Seeing his partner lose a ball, he angrily said to the other party: "Every time it is you, We lost the game." Anyone who played with Bartley felt that he was "always criticizing others and looking down on others like a perfect person."In the end, Bartley deserted all relatives and retired desolately.Bartley's criticism is unwise, but he should ask himself: "Am I also responsible? Besides, people have tried their best, how can they use others as a punching bag?" When you ask this way, you will know that your criticism is inappropriate, When encountering such a situation in the future, the words of criticism will not be blurted out. Most of the critics focus on pointing out the "wrong" of the other party, but they cannot clearly indicate what to do with the "right".You must think carefully before you can understand what you want the other party to do and how to say it.Some people criticize others and say: "Do you have to do this?" This is nonsense, because there is no actual content, but it is purely an expression of personal dissatisfaction.Another example is a husband complaining to his wife: "The house is a mess and guests are coming. Why do you just sit there and put on makeup?"He didn't say a word about what he expected his wife to do.It should be said like this: "The guests are coming, can you help me buy some vegetables and fruits, and then clean up the newspapers in the living room, okay?" Explaining what people are required to do is actually instructing the other party in the direction of correction, allowing the other party to accept the content of the criticism from another angle.A workshop director criticized a young worker by saying, "You've been rather sloppy lately." The young worker was at a loss and didn't understand.The workshop director should make it clear whether it means being late for work or not participating in skills training. In addition, in order to improve the efficiency of criticism, we should "not say what we are not satisfied with, but only say what we agree with", which can play a positive role.For example: A young man who just moved to a new dormitory area complained to the director of the residents committee that the service attitude of the motorcycle storage station here was too bad.The director promptly conveyed his opinion to the custodian of the storage station.A few days later, the young man sent his motorcycle to the storage station. The custodian greeted him with a smile, took the initiative to put his motorcycle away, and asked him if he had any other requests, which moved the young man greatly.He found out afterwards that the director of the neighborhood committee said to the custodian: "The new young people are very satisfied with your service, and I would like to thank you." That's the secret. "Those who really know how to criticize focus on 'positive' rather than 'wrong'." Is this the famous British critic Joseph in the 18th century?Addison's quote. The words of critics must be understood by the critics, otherwise they will just play the piano to the cow.We often hear complaints between husband and wife: "We can never get together." This most common complaint may be mistaken for "divorce" by the other party. If you want to prove whether the other party understands what you mean, the easiest way is to ask: "Do you understand what I mean?" Then listen to whether what the other party said is your original intention.Too bad most people ignore this.Asking if the other person agrees with you is also one of the communication methods you can use when criticizing others.Being able to ask questions at least eliminates the possibility of the other party being silent and sulking. If you can raise objections calmly, there is hope for solving the problem.Because you can understand what problems the other party has not figured out, or what you have said is inaccurate, you can have a deeper discussion.