Chapter 7 Chapter 1 Praise: Be Creative and Scale

Why did Carnegie, the steel magnate, pay Schwab an annual salary of 1 million yuan?Is it because Schwab is a genius?no.Because he knows more about steelmaking than anyone else?Nonsense.Schwab himself once said that many of the people who worked under him knew more about steelmaking than he did. Schwarber said he got the salary in large part because of his people skills.He said: "I think I have the ability to inspire people's talents. This is the greatest resource I have, and the way to fully develop a person's talents is to use praise and encouragement." "The easiest thing to kill a person in the world is the criticism from the boss, so I never criticize anyone. I believe that motivating people to work will inspire their infinite creativity. So I am eager to praise, and I am too late to find mistakes. If there's one thing I like, it's that I'm 'sincerely rewarded and generous'." That's what Schwarber did.

If you don't judge the situation and master certain skills when praising others, even if you are sincere, you will turn a good thing into a bad thing.It's like you used very expensive raw materials to make a pot of soup, but if the heat is not well controlled, no matter how good the raw materials are, it will not make a delicious soup.Only when the heat is well mastered, will the praise emit the most intense fragrance. Especially when praising superiors, it is even more necessary to master the heat of praise.We praise the ordinary people around us, even if the words are inappropriate, it doesn't matter too much, and others will not do anything to you.But when we praise our superiors, if the fire is not properly handled, the consequences may be very serious, and you may be depressed for the rest of your life; if you praise properly, you may be promoted to an official position.

In the camp to suppress the Taiping Army, Zeng Guofan once chatted with several staff members after dinner, commenting on today's heroes.He said: "Peng Yulin and Li Hongzhang are both great talents, and I am beyond my reach. I can admit that, but I am not flattering in my life." An aide said: "Each has his own strengths. Mr. Peng is mighty, and no one dares to bully him; Mr. Li is smart and sensitive, and people can't be bullied." At this point, he couldn't continue. Zeng Guofan asked, "What do you think?" Everyone bowed their heads in thought, and suddenly a young man in charge of copying came out and interjected: "Zeng Shuai is benevolent, people can't bear to be bullied." Everyone clapped their hands after hearing this.

Zeng Guofan said very proudly: "I dare not be, I dare not be." After the younger generation resigned, Zeng asked: "Who is this?" The staff told him: "This person is from Yangzhou. Still cautious." After hearing this, Zeng Guofan said: "This man has a great talent, and he should not be buried." Soon, Zeng Guofan was promoted to the governor of Liangjiang, and sent this young man to Yangzhou as a salt transport envoy. To praise others, mastering the scale is the most important thing. Therefore, praise is like cooking soup, and the heat is very important.When you open your mouth to praise others, be sure to follow the following rules:

Sincerity is valued by everyone, and it is the most important principle in interpersonal communication.Dr. Carsley, who specializes in social relations in the UK, once said: Most people choose friends based on whether the other party is sincere or not. The effect of praise lies in acting on camera, enough is enough.When others plan to do a meaningful thing, the praise at the beginning can motivate him to make up his mind to make achievements, the praise in the middle is beneficial to the other party to make persistent efforts, and the praise at the end can affirm the achievement and point out the direction of further efforts, so as to achieve "praise" One, inspire a batch" effect.

People's quality is divided into high and low, age is different, and it varies from person to person, highlighting personality, and characteristic praise can receive better results than general praise. When you praise a person for his actions or contributions, your approval appears more genuine, and works best when the other person knows that he does deserve praise.Praising behavior is more likely to avoid utilitarianism or prejudice than praising the person. In everyday life, there are not many times when people have very significant achievements.Therefore, communication should start with specific events, be good at discovering even the slightest strengths of others, and praise them without losing the opportunity.The more detailed and specific the compliment, the more you know the other person, and the more you value his strengths and achievements.

No matter how bad a person is, there will be one or two advantages worth admiring.For example, a person may have no advantages, but he is very good at playing billiards, or he can drink very well, these can be used. Although some people care about these small advantages of themselves, some people don't care at all.But in any case, it will make him happy if others praise him. In fact, sometimes the icing on the cake compliments can't arouse the other party's great joy.For example, if you say "You are so beautiful" to a girl who has been recognized as very beautiful, it is difficult to make her feel excited because she is used to being praised.On the contrary, if you can find out the advantages of the other party that are not easy to be known, you can often make the other party feel unexpected joy and even bring unexpected results.

There is one store that is booming because every clerk in their store is constantly chatting with shoppers.In addition to greeting the guests, they also constantly look for the advantages of the guests to praise.For example, they might say to one wife, "Your dress is beautiful," and to another, "You have a nice haircut."Although they constantly praise others, they choose appropriate words of praise according to the individuality of each guest. So naturally, subconsciously, these customers will have the psychology of being praised for shopping in this store, and they like this store more and more.

If we are praised every time we meet, we will naturally want to see the person who praised us again. This is the psychology of anyone.Therefore, every time you meet, find out one of the other's strengths to praise, you can quickly narrow the distance between each other, and have an unexpected effect. In a small barbershop nearby, there are two masters who are in charge of styling hair, and a young apprentice who washes hair.To be honest, many people sympathized with that skinny apprentice. It was obvious that she really wanted to learn hair styling, but due to the complicated work and the indifferent attitude of the two masters, she could only spend her poor youth silently in the soap bubbles.

One day, the opportunity came.One month before the new year, the two masters failed to ask for a salary increase, and they resigned together. They couldn't find anyone for a while. In addition to going to the battle in person, the boss also gave the apprentices a "crash training" and hired a small worker to wash their hair. The person who came to get a haircut saw all this. One day, when he stepped into the shop, he specially appointed a young apprentice to blow his hair.After an hour of curling, drying and combing, I looked into the mirror, alas, that hairstyle was stiff, as if wearing an inappropriate hat, the little apprentice stood by, looking eagerly at the person who came to get the haircut, but the person who came to have the haircut showed a smile. Smiling, said: "You combed really well, thank you!"

This "white lie" brought self-confidence to the girl.When I went again, the person who came to get the haircut still appointed her to do the hairdressing. The little apprentice had a smile on his face, his hands were not shaking, and he was curling and combing, very charming.When he looked in the mirror, the man who came to cut his hair couldn't help saying sincerely: "You combed it really well!" The little apprentice's face was like a flower, shining brilliantly. Although it is only a sentence, a great power is formed in the heart of the person being praised, and she will regain the courage to live, and she will become more confident, perfect and strong because of this word of praise.Give others praise, no matter how trivial it is. A young mother once told a heart-wrenching story of how often she blamed her children for doing wrong.But one day, the child did nothing wrong.At night, she put the child on the bed and covered the quilt, only to see the child was burying his head on the pillow, sobbing and asking, "Didn't I be a good child today?" "This question touched my whole body like electricity," said the young mother. "When the child did something wrong, I always corrected her, but when she tried to do something good, I didn't notice it." , When I put her on the bed, I didn't even have a word of praise and encouragement." The young mother regretted it, and since then she has learned to praise her child. Please don't begrudge your compliments, give unadorned compliments to those you love, and you will find that they love you more than ever.As the saying goes, "give someone a rose, leave a fragrance in your hand". After a girl who knew she was mediocre fell in love, her lover repeatedly whispered in her ear: "Your deep eyes, shining like a dream, are so charming." She will definitely be radiant , confident that she has a pair of bright eyes that can fascinate all living beings, and beauty will of course favor her. Praise does not need to be embellished deliberately, as long as it comes from life, from the heart, and reveals true feelings, it will receive the effect of praise.But to better play the effect of praise, you also need to pay attention to the following points. When you are preparing to praise, you must first weigh whether the other party believes this kind of praise, and whether the third party thinks it is not right after hearing it. Once there is an objection, whether you have enough reasons to prove that your praise is well-founded. A teacher praised the students: "You are all good children, lively, cute, and serious in your studies. I am very happy to be your teacher." These words are very measured, so that the students can study hard without being proud.But if the teacher said: "You are all smart, you will have great promise in the future, and you are much better than the students in other classes." The effect will be quite different. Abstract things are often not concrete, and it is difficult to impress people.Complimenting someone you've met for the first time with "You make us feel so good" is of no use at all.However, if you praise a good salesman: "Xiao Wang's principles and attitudes in dealing with people are very rare. No matter how many goods you give him, as long as he is willing to take them, you will never need to bother." For the obvious advantages, giving praise will increase the other party's sense of value, so the effect of praise will be great. Casually saying a thousand words of praise to the other party is tantamount to talking in vain.Empty praise without enthusiasm can't make the other party happy, and sometimes it may cause the other party's resentment and dissatisfaction due to your perfunctory. Encouragement builds self-confidence.Self-confidence is half the battle. Encouraging each other with praise can achieve twice the result with half the effort, especially in the "first time".No matter who does anything, there is a time for the first time. If the other party does not do well for the first time, you should sincerely praise: "It is not easy to have such a performance for the first time!" Build confidence because of your praise, and you will naturally do better next time. Praise can be heard anytime and anywhere. Praising each other face to face or directly is always a bit flattering.If you change the angle and put it another way, it may be much better.Compliment the other party in a "third party" tone, saying: "No wonder so-and-so has always said that you are very good, I saw you today..." It is conceivable that the other party must be very happy.Therefore, praising a person face to face sometimes makes people feel false and doubts whether you are sincere, but praising the other person indirectly behind the back will make the other person feel that your praise to him is sincere. Excessive praise and empty flattery will make the other party feel unacceptable, even feel numb and disgusting, and the result is counterproductive.Only moderate praise will make the other party feel gratified.Appropriateness varies from person to person, from time to time, from event to place, and from place to place, and requires continuous exploration and accumulation to gradually master. Each of us hopes that we can be better than others in all aspects, but in fact this can only be a dream forever.Some people with low psychological quality, when faced with other people's strengths and achievements, often can't help being jealous, and it is difficult to face and appreciate calmly.In the eyes of these people, being able to do things has turned into being pushy, and if you help him with good intentions, he secretly worries that you will be courteous for nothing-either adultery or theft.Therefore, these people's attitudes towards other people's strengths and achievements can only be either dismissive, or even worse, attacking and retaliating.And others are often not fuel-efficient lamps, which brings about a vicious circle of interpersonal relationships, and one's career will be seriously frustrated. Everyone has their own strengths and achievements, and they all hope to be affirmed and praised by others.Some advantages and strengths are often innate, such as someone's good looks, high IQ and so on.Therefore, the affirmation of other people's strengths and strengths will not belittle your own position, but also allow others to recognize your excellent qualities and thus gain praise from others. During the Warring States period, the son Chonger and the son Xiaobai competed for the throne, Bao Shuya assisted Chonger, and Guan Zhong advised the son Xiaobai, and finally the son Chonger became the king of Qi.Chong'er wanted to worship Bao Shuya as his prime minister, but Bao Shuya said: "If you want to rule Qi, you can let me be your prime minister, but if you want to rule the world, you must worship Guan Zhong as your prime minister." In the end, Chong'er appointed Guan Zhong as the overlord .Although Bao Shuya was not as talented as Guan Zhong, he was able to appreciate Guan Zhong's advantages and strengths frankly, and strongly recommended him, which won praise from all over the world and left his name in history. In the face of other people's achievements, we should first understand that the achievements are won by others' hard work and sweat, and we should frankly appreciate the fruits of other people's labor and affirm them.At the same time, review yourself, ask for advice with an open mind, and learn from others' hard-working and progressive spirit.Taking the initiative to ask others to teach you the essentials of learning and work is not only a high praise for the achievements of others, but also can urge yourself to move on.It is not only conducive to the improvement of your technical level, but also conducive to the improvement of your social skills.Isn't this a matter of killing two birds with one stone, so why not do it? To frankly appreciate the strengths and achievements of others, you need considerable self-confidence and courage. In daily life, we often encounter situations where others are better than us, but we can’t say words of praise. The main reason is that we lack self-confidence and feel that we are not as good as the other party, so we lose our psychological balance and don’t have the courage to applaud the other party.Either they feel "embarrassed"; or they think that compared with others, the result is self-evident and there is no need to do anything extra;As a result, not only lost an opportunity to calmly appreciate the strengths and strengths of others, but also lost an opportunity to abandon inferiority complex and timidity. Michael?Jordan was a super elite basketball player, but he told others that his teammate Pippen was more talented than him in shooting three-pointers, and that Pippen was better than himself in dunking.Pippen is obviously the most promising rookie to surpass Jordan, but Jordan praises him everywhere.On the one hand, it reflects his courage to challenge himself, and on the other hand, it is also a manifestation of Jordan's self-confidence. Therefore, in life, if you meet an opponent in chess, you might as well adopt the strategy of "Wu and Yue are in the same boat", get along with your opponent friendly, congratulate him generously on his merits and achievements, and send a bouquet of flowers.On the other hand, struggle to catch up. In this regard, some of the Japanese have done the best.Japan's explanation of the reasons for its rapid economic development after the war is: "One of the great advantages of our Japanese citizens is that we keep bowing to outsiders and saying good things. It can be said that we are good at discovering the strengths of others and good at praising others. It is an important reason for Japan to go to the world." In the middle of the 20th century, Japan stood up from the ruins of the war, grabbed the new weapon of "praise", and started the process of learning from Western developed countries and developing national industries.Today, Japan is one of the few economic powers in the world. The Japanese people have used the weapon of "praise" more widely in the economic field. For example, the Japanese god of sales, Ippei Hara, said when he elaborated on his sales secrets: "The secret of sales lies in the study of human nature, and the key to the study of human nature is to understand human nature." I have found that the desire for praise is the most persistent and deepest need of everyone.” To generously praise the strengths and achievements of others, one must openly accept the strengths and strengths of others. Franklin has a famous saying: "A good attitude is to the relationship between business and society what oil is to a machine." Therefore, if you are a person of noble character, you might as well try to praise a classmate or colleague who is competing with you from the bottom of your heart, and even recommend an employee who may be above you to the boss. It is a higher level of praise. People always like to be flattered by others.Sometimes, even if you know that the other party is speaking flattery, you will still feel complacent in your heart. This is the weakness of human nature.When a person is praised by others, he will never feel disgusted, unless the other party's words are too outrageous. In this society, people who can speak flattery seem to be more popular.When a person hears other people's flattery, he is always very happy in his heart, with a smile on his face, and he keeps saying: "Where, I'm not that good", "You are really good at talking"!Even if I calmly recalled it afterwards, knowing that what the other party said was flattery, I still couldn't erase the joy in my heart.Therefore, speaking flattery is a necessary skill in communicating with people. Appropriate flattery will make you more likable and help you achieve your established goals. Fang Ming has a tricky job that he can't do alone.He wants to ask Li Chun for help, because Li Chun has a lot of research in this area.But how to speak? Fang Ming approached Li Chun and said, "Xiao Li, I have a plan, I really can't handle it by myself, can you help me?" Li Chun looked distressed: "I'm also quite busy these days, why don't you see if other people are free, such as Lao Zheng?" Fang Ming said: "Xiao Li, this project really won't work without your help." Seeing Fang Ming's sincerity, Li Chun agreed to Fang Ming's request and helped him complete the work plan in order to live up to his good reputation. When we ask someone to do something, we have to elevate the other person a little bit higher.Don't forget to say thank you when you're done, or no one will be willing to help you in the future. The first condition for flattering others is to have a sincere and serious attitude.Words will reflect a person's psychology, so inadvertent or careless speech can easily be seen through by the other party, resulting in unpleasant feelings. Complimenting others requires not only generosity but foresight.Praise should be in line with the actual situation. If you always use some extreme adjectives when praising others, it will disappoint people because of exaggeration. You need to have a deep understanding of the other person's ability, personality, experience, achievements, etc., so that the praise will not be empty.Also, be good at complimenting the parts that others don't notice, because things that are often praised are annoying.In short, you must make your praise stand the test of time, and you must praise it in a specific, appropriate and distinctive way.Praise should have a certain height. In ancient times, an official named Peng Yulin once passed a narrow alley.A woman was using a bamboo pole to dry her clothes when she accidentally dropped the pole and hit Peng on the head.Peng Boran was furious, pointed at the woman and began to curse. When the woman saw that it was the official Peng Yulin, she couldn't help breaking out in a cold sweat.But she suddenly had a quick wit, and she said seriously: "Your tone is like a martial artist, so you are so arrogant and unreasonable. You know that Official Peng is here! He is honest and upright. If I tell him the old man, I am afraid that I will cut him down." It's your head!" When Peng Yulin heard the woman praise him, he couldn't help but feel happy, and realized that he had lost his composure, so he left calmly. It's not "face-to-face" praise, but it's better than face-to-face praise. Peng Yulin is very happy: he has such a good reputation as an official among the people, and he should never damage his image because of these trivial things.After Wan Ran came to his senses, he had no choice but to turn his anger into a smile, and left calmly. Use a long-term perspective to examine the people and things you want to praise, so that your praise can stand the test of time; don't shoot yourself in the foot, because in daily life, the embarrassing situation of "the voice has not yet fallen" It's not uncommon that you just praised him for being cautious in doing things, but he suddenly pokes a big trick for you to see.Before things are done, be sure not to give compliments lightly.Because maybe at the last moment, things have failed.When some people see that success is in sight, they can't help admiring, and even boasted: "This time I must win." But it failed in the end, wouldn't it make people laugh out loud. Therefore, when praising people, we must "think twice before praising".It is easier to praise something that is relatively stable, such as a person's personality, habits, appearance, etc., but it is often difficult to think about a person's behavior and attitude, so you must be careful when praising.As the saying goes: "It is easy to do a good thing in a lifetime, but it is difficult to do a good thing in a lifetime." Because people are forced by certain pressures and needs, sometimes they will inevitably do wrong things.Therefore, when praising a person, don't just talk about the facts, otherwise, if you are not careful, you will become a short-sighted person. To praise others, you must be good at starting from small things, and see the difference in the subtleties.Pay attention to praising each other's lesser-known advantages. No matter how bad a person is, he will have one or two merits worth admiring.For example, a young girl may be ugly, but have beautiful teeth, or fair skin, etc.Be good at grasping these places and praise them.Maybe some people don't care about these small advantages at all, but in any case, your compliments will definitely make her feel happy.If you are facing a beautiful woman, if you repeat the same old tune, you will not attract much interest from her, if you can find her, it will be difficult for others to know. The advantages of the other party can often surprise the other party. Praising others needs to stand at a certain height, fully explore the meaning of other people's achievements, and speculate on the impact it will bring, because praising a person's behavior and contribution is better than praising him, but you must hit the point, so that your Only praise will improve the taste and grade. When praising a person's actions or contributions, your compliment should not only be specific and relevant, but also special and genuine.Complimenting a person's actions or accomplishments also avoids prejudice or utilitarianism.Therefore, in daily life, instead of saying to a person: "You are amazing." It is better to elaborate on the huge social or economic benefits of a certain thing he does.Praising a person's work will make him work harder; praising a person's behavior will greatly improve his behavior.But the words of praise must be to the point, just like archery must hit the bull's-eye.The first condition to praise others is to have a sincere heart and a serious attitude.Therefore, when praising others, don't say anything that is far from the truth.For example, you should never say to an elderly mother, "You look younger than my sister," and you'll just get a lot of cursing. To be an effective leader, Carnegie tells you a principle: praise the smallest progress, and praise every progress, sincerely agree and generously praise. For employees who have just started their careers, they often feel extremely difficult and lonely in their hearts. They cannot hear a word of encouragement when they are frustrated, and no one congratulates them when they succeed. At this time, if the new employees get even a few words of praise, it will be very exciting, so they will strengthen their confidence and work hard to do things well. Some people think that only big success is worthy of praise, and small achievements are insignificant.In fact, this kind of understanding is one-sided, without considering people's inner desires, especially the loneliness and difficulties in the initial work. When a subordinate takes up a job for the first time, he will be very unfamiliar with the environment here. If he is praised by the leader when he makes a small achievement, then his confidence will be built up immediately.There's a guy named Carley who does a good job of this. Max, who is the general manager of the enterprise resource development company?Carey had struggled to get going when he started his Atlanta-based sales and marketing services company.At the time, he had only one temporary employee on his staff.In his words: "Big success is too far away. We hardly feel any motivation." He came up with a decision: to celebrate every small success. Carrey went out and bought a siren, complete with a loudspeaker so that it would sound like an ambulance.If he can bypass the director of training department and talk directly to the general manager of that company when promoting his products on the phone, he will blow his horn once to celebrate; if he receives a large order, the siren will also sound.Today, his company has more than $1 million in assets and 11 employees.Sirens echo around the company about 10 times a week. Whenever there is good news, everyone will come out to hear their colleagues brag about the success they have just achieved, which also provides opportunities for everyone to communicate with each other."Our employees aren't experienced enough to be hugely successful, so this kind of celebration is also a great encouragement," says Cary. amazing results. Remember: praise every improvement, no matter how small. When complimenting others, please don't mention trivial details that will discount the appreciation.Please focus on the theme of appreciation, and mainly talk about the other party's achievements.Remember, never forget to compliment someone, and do it more than once. But many people are prone to make a serious mistake when complimenting others: discounting the compliment before sending it.Instead of giving 100% appreciation, add a few downbeat comments or words that undercut the appreciation. Especially those praises for outstanding achievements are always "tied" with criticism.The more outstanding the achievement, the more people feel obliged to "comment" it rather than just praise it.They can't bear to sing only praises, and they must pick out some shortcomings before giving up. A linguist once said: "When the same tone or sentence appears repeatedly, it often has the power to influence people. For example, Lincoln's famous saying 'government of the people, by the people, and for the people', if he just put forward a political opinion, Just say 'democratic government'. However, he emphasized the word 'people' three times, which produced a more profound and moving effect." Indeed, when everyone hears this sonorous and powerful words, they can't help but deepen their feelings about it. yearning for an ideal government.And when everyone hears such a compliment repeatedly, they will also be moved. Also beware of another misconception that discounted appreciation is more authentic and carries more weight. Don't be smart enough to tell your companions what to do better, even if it is a small matter in life.For example: "The dishes you cook taste really good, everything is good, but the salt in the soup is a little too much..." This kind of discount not only destroys the effect of praise, but also may become the fuse of heated debate. Sometimes you have to do a comprehensive summary and critique of a piece of work, so that appreciation and criticism are inevitably linked. In this case, you don't need to discount the excellent grades. Please treat the criticism in the summary as a separate part from the appreciation. Don't let the other person's modesty undercut the appreciation.Some people rarely receive praise, so they are overwhelmed when they are praised; others, when they receive praise, want to show that achieving excellent grades is routine for him.The two groups respond almost identically to compliments: "It's nothing special, it's the way it should be, it's my job." When you hear this kind of answer from the other party, don't keep silent. The silence at this time means that you agree with what he said, as if you were saying to him: "Yes, you are right, why should I praise you? I take back what I just said. if." You should compliment him again, emphasizing what you think is admirable, and please repeat what aspects of his performance are particularly important to you, and why you think he excelled. Others mistakenly view complimenting others as an opportunity for self-expression.They think that they can prove their "critical thinking ability" through discounted praise, so that they can also stand out and show their rationality and level.For example, they say, "You've been successful all your life. But once, during the financial turmoil, your company was having a hard time, but then again, no one is perfect..." Any discounted appreciation will also have flaws, which will have unnecessary negative effects. It is like a black stain on a white table-cloth, which distracts people from the point and calls for blame.It destroys the role of appreciation, and wipes out the original liking of the appreciated party. Instead, the criticism of a few "extra collocations" makes people unforgettable.