Chapter 5 Chapter 4 Grasp the initiative of speaking

When talking with people, some people often rack their brains to think of some very level words in order to show their abilities.However, you have not considered the other party, what will the other party do in your situation of showing strength?Of course he is not to be outdone, and will work harder than you to find some more level words.What will you do after he finds out?Do you have to search your brains again to find very good words?This cycle goes on and on, and you two are not talking, but fighting wits.In a conversation, words that are too level can sometimes cause depression to the other party, making it difficult to continue the conversation.

In fact, it is not difficult to have a conversation.A few brief pleasantries between strangers can spark conversation.Everyone can be vulgar, and everyone can get involved in that short conversation, talking about things that are neither witty nor meaningful.However, such short conversations are necessary for the smooth initiation of formal conversations. The purpose of initiating a conversation is to let the other party speak, and avoid leading the conversation into a dead end.If you can't say something like "The weather is really nice today!", you should ask the other party: "What work do you do?" "No" dismisses you.

When starting a conversation, be prepared to go through a "warm-up" phase.It's not wise to jump into a meaningful conversation without thinking, and don't expect to start off like meeting old friends. A short conversation can not only trigger a conversation for you, but also can be used to warm up for further conversations and guide the other party to make full preparations for further conversations.Then observe the interest of others in this conversation.It's like lighting a bonfire, don't expect to start with a torch, just a small match.Just the right way, this little match can make a campfire burn...

But it should be paid special attention that in the process of talking, don’t take it too lightly. The art of becoming a good talker does not depend too much on how smart you are or how tortuous your experience is, but on being good at inspiring and inducing others. speak.If you want to be a good talker, you must avoid self-centeredness in your conversation.People are often only interested in themselves, their work, their family, their hometown, their ideals from beginning to end.In fact, a simple question like "what do you do for work" signals to others that you are interested in him, and the result is bound to make others interested in you.

Before asking this simple question, you just need to ask yourself a question in your heart: "What do I want to get through talking?" Is it to express and show off?Or do you want to make a deal with someone else, get someone to sign the protocol, and get his permission and kindness?The mistake that many people make when talking with others is to talk about what they are interested in, instead of talking about what others are interested in.When you talk about the things you are interested in, although you are happy, others may not be happy, so how can you ask others to do things, ask others for help, and how can you achieve the purpose of your conversation?

Some people say: "In a conversation, you must learn the ability to find something to talk about." The so-called "finding a word" means "finding a topic", finding an entry point for a conversation.Just like writing an article, if you have a good topic, you will often have a lot of writing and thinking, and you will achieve it in one go.Similarly, when both parties talk, having a good topic can make the conversation harmonious and comfortable.A good topic is the medium of preliminary conversation, the basis of in-depth discussion, and the beginning of indulgent talk.The criteria for a good topic are: at least both parties are familiar with the topic and can talk about it;

So, how to find a good topic? When talking with many people, you should choose an event that everyone is interested in as a topic to stimulate everyone's desire to talk.Because this kind of topic is what everyone wants to talk about, loves to talk about and can talk about.Everyone has something to say, and can express their own views and opinions, which will naturally make the topic go on, and even arouse many people's discussions and speeches, and then resonate. Cleverly use certain materials from that time, that place, and that person as the topic to trigger conversations.Some people are good at using the other party's name, place of origin, age, clothing, living room, etc. to impromptuly elicit topics, and often achieve good results. The advantage of the "impromptu introduction" method is that it is flexible and natural, and it uses local materials, but the key is to have quick thinking and be able to quickly make associations from one to the other.

When talking with strangers, first ask some "throwing" questions, and then have a purposeful and in-depth conversation after getting to know the other person's age, occupation, personality, interests, etc., so that you can talk more freely.Just like "throwing stones to ask for directions", if you meet an unfamiliar neighbor at a party, you can first "throw a stone" and ask: "Are you and the host a colleague or a classmate?" Whether the first half of the question is correct or the second half is correct, You can start a conversation about this; if you are not right, and the other party replies that you are a "fellow townsman", then you have found a topic to continue talking about.

Test out the interests of strangers, and start from the interests, which can successfully lead to topics.If the other party likes to watch movies, use this as a topic, talk about the advantages and disadvantages of movies, discuss the plot of the story, etc.If you also like watching movies, then you have found a common interest and you can enter the topic smoothly; if you don’t usually watch movies, it is also a learning opportunity. You can listen quietly and ask questions at the right time to open your eyes. There are many ways to arouse topics, such as "the method of borrowing things to generate questions", "the method of presenting questions on the spot", "the method of entering questions from emotion", and so on.It can subtly spark a discussion about something, a certain scene, or a certain emotion.Provoking topics, similar to the practice of "drawing the thread" and "inserting road signs", the focus is on leading and the purpose is to guide, so that the other party has something to say and arouses the other party's interest in talking.

When talking with people, we must also work hard to shorten the distance between each other, and strive to understand more in a short period of time, shorten the distance of mutual understanding, and strive to become emotionally harmonious.Only like-minded people can talk about speculation. This is what the idiom "like old friends at first sight" means.If you want to be able to talk speculatively with strangers, you must make a fuss about the word "Gu" and change "生" into "Gu". There are many ways to do this. Cut in at the right time.Be aware of the situation, don't miss the opportunity to speak, intervene in the conversation at the right time, and "express yourself" in a timely manner, so that the other party can fully understand yourself.

Conversation is a bilateral activity. It is also difficult to talk deeply if you only know the other party without letting the other party understand yourself.Strangers will grow closer if they can learn from your "cutting" conversations.Cutting in at the right time can actively and effectively contribute your knowledge to the other party. In fact, it conforms to the principle of "complementarity" and lays the foundation for "combination". Find a medium cleverly.Find a medium between yourself and strangers, so as to find a common language and shorten the distance between the two parties.If you see a stranger reading a newspaper, you can start with a piece of news in the newspaper and discuss this topic with the other person.Show a strong interest in everything about other people, trigger them to express themselves through the medium, and the conversation will go smoothly. Leave room.Leave space for conversation so that the other party can interface, so that the other party feels that the hearts of each other are connected and the conversation is harmonious, thereby shortening the psychological distance between the two.Therefore, when talking with strangers, don't tell the whole story or say your own point of view to death. Instead, you should be open-minded and welcome to discuss. It is best to leave the opportunity for conclusions and inductions to the other party. Frankly speaking out about one's shortcomings will not only not lose the respect of others, but also arouse sympathy and love from others.If you can tell your shortcomings in a joking manner, it will show your extraordinary tolerance even more.A famous host stepped up to the stage to host a show amid everyone's applause. On the way to the stage, he accidentally tripped over the carpet and fell to the ground.But she got up without any panic, walked to the microphone and said, "I'm really excited, I'm overwhelmed by your enthusiasm." So the audience gave her even more intense applause.On the contrary, if you are well aware of your shortcomings, but you still try your best to cover up and put on a pose, just want to treat yourself as a real expert, the result will only make others feel that you are ridiculous.Therefore, it is very wise and great to be able to have the courage to play a joke on yourself when talking to people.At the same time, it can also enliven the atmosphere of the conversation scene and increase the favorability of others towards you. If when talking with people, you must express your requirements for others in a very short time, and explain to the other party what kind of benefits they can get after doing so, you must not be mother-in-law and mother-in-law. All you have to do is simply state your claim. The so-called "point" is the ultimate goal you want to achieve when talking with the other party.In order to make the other party rely on you and have confidence in fulfilling your request or achieving a certain goal, you must speak up with confidence.The action requirements of the other party must be emphasized outright in an optimistic and firm tone.In order to get a better conversation result, you must not shrink back but be confident when speaking.For your sincere statement, the other party will definitely be moved, and take effective actions immediately, so as to complete your requirements and goals. No matter what kind of problem you are explaining, your purpose is to express the main points of the problem and what action you want the other party to take in a simple and concise way so that the other party can easily understand it, so that the other party can take action smoothly.In order to achieve this goal, the most appropriate way is to say the key parts in detail. If you can specifically remind the other party of the key points of things and the main points of the problem when speaking, then it will be easier for you to talk to others and move the other party more easily than others. "Has the business letter to the client been mailed?" is more effective than saying indifferently to a subordinate, "Go and print the business letter to the client." Is it better to state the main points in a positive way or to state the main points in a negative way?This is irrelevant, as long as you can articulate and accurately describe what you are asking for.But this decision must be made from the standpoint of the other party. When you ask the other party to do something, you must describe it concisely, because the other party will only do what they understand.Since they are going to act on your words, you have to express yourself precisely and concisely. Everyone in life is eager for friendship and hopes to have more friends.But friends are developed from strangers, and a considerable number of friends are met by chance.In a beautiful scenic spot, in a bustling car or at a small party, you can get acquainted with others with a knowing smile, a few decent humorous words, and a polite gesture.The key is to find out the opportunity for communication, take the initiative to extend the hand of friendship, and open the door of the soul that is closed to strangers.However, not all people are good at talking. Some people are relatively taciturn. Although they have the desire to talk, they don't know where to start.This requires one of the parties to change its attitude, take the lead in sending friendly signals to the other party, arouse the other party's desire to talk, and achieve the purpose of communication. If one of your topics interests the other person, no matter how silent he is, he will say something.Therefore, in the stagnation of the conversation, we must find ways to find and constantly arouse the interest of the other party, so that the conversation can continue. When you compliment a parent about their child, or even express your interest in that child, the parent will soon become your friend.Give them a chance to talk about their children, and they will talk naturally and freely. When meeting strangers, be a good listener, take the initiative to care about others, and stimulate their desire to talk by generously offering help. When they meet for the first time or are not familiar with each other, no one is willing to give any help to strangers who are in trouble, because they are afraid that if they don't know the details of the other party, they will cause trouble.There is certainly some truth in this kind of thinking, but it is this "certain truth" that drives away the great opportunity to make friends.People who are good at communication don't think so. They think that it is convenient for them to be with others. Only by letting go of their worries and giving generously can they win the gratitude and favor of others-this is exactly a bridge to communicate feelings. For those who are shy, the chatter should take the initiative to find topics to eliminate the tension of the other party. When making friends, the emphasis is on communication.From strangers to friends, it takes in-depth communication to understand each other.In order to achieve the effect of in-depth communication, it is necessary to stimulate the other party's desire to talk while mastering the art of conversation. Only in this way can we deepen our understanding of each other, move from unfamiliarity to familiarity, and then become friends.