Chapter 22 stick to yourself

If you want to be a real "person", you must first be a person who does not blindly follow conventions.The integrity of your mind is inviolable... Mistakes are made when I give up my position and try to see a matter from another's point of view... The above is Ralph Vardo who refuses to follow blindly Emerson's famous quote.This is undoubtedly a very powerful shock for people who like to emphasize seeing things from other people's point of view in order to enhance interpersonal relationships. Perhaps we can understand Emerson's words like this: "See things from the other person's point of view as much as possible, but don't lose your own point of view." If maturity can bring you any good, it is to discover your own. Beliefs, and the courage to live out those beliefs, no matter what the circumstances.

When we are in an unfamiliar environment and have no rich experience to refer to, the best way is to conform to the standards of ordinary people until our own experience and confidence are enough to give us strength, and then we can act according to our own beliefs and standards Do.It would be foolish to rush into reform without knowing the object or reason of your objection. In any case, time will give us the opportunity to come down to a set of our own value system.For example, we may find that honesty is the best course of action.This is not only because many people teach us so, but also the result of our own observation, experience and thinking.Fortunately for society as a whole, most people agree with some important basic principles of life, otherwise, this society will become chaotic... Like seeking security, people like to conform to the environment, In the end, I often make myself a slave of the environment.For us, freedom in the true sense should be to accept all kinds of challenges in life, to constantly strive and experience all kinds of disputes.The famous field commissioner Atgar Moller said: "The average man and woman do not achieve the integrity of their personality through the pursuit of negative virtues (such as conformity, security, or what is generally called happiness), but through the bearing of burdens. To achieve excellence (which is also the greatest happiness). Healthy people never run away from difficulties, and our ancestors have always understood this."

I have discussed accepting responsibility earlier as the first step towards maturity.From this point of view, growth should be interpreted as: under the protection and shade of parents, gradually develop oneself independently. If we do reach a stage of maturity, we no longer need to retreat into the sanctuary of the coward, that is, to adapt to the environment; Thoughts, but to have their own opinions or opinions on everything. When we have a certain belief in our hearts, a mature character can make us stick to this belief and drive us to follow these beliefs.Everyone has a responsibility to the society, which is to make good use of their various abilities and make more meaningful contributions to society.

On this point Emerson has won my respect for the firm position he has taken.During his lifetime, many people who were engaged in anti-slavery or other reform movements wanted to win his support, but they were all rejected.Emerson certainly sympathized with these movements and wished them well.But he doesn't think he should devote his energy and ability to these sports, because that's not his specialty.He has always adhered to this principle, although it may be misunderstood, he does not care about it. It is not easy to stick to a principle that is not supported by many, or to accommodate a principle that is generally supported.A person who does not follow the crowd, but persists in his beliefs when he is attacked, shows that he has great courage.

Once, I was at a social gathering and the conversation turned to a recent issue.At that time, all the people present agreed with a certain point of view, and only one man made a different suggestion.He politely didn't express his opinion at first, and then he smiled and replied because someone asked him directly, "I hope you don't ask me, because I have a different point of view from you, and I don't want this happy party because I have It became disharmonious. But since you asked me, I will express my opinion.” Then, he briefly explained his opinion, and was immediately besieged by everyone.I saw him stick to his position unswervingly, without giving in.As a result, although he did not persuade others to agree with him, he stuck to his beliefs and did not echo other people's ideas, thus winning everyone's respect.

People who think they have a special mission don't need you to give them a long speech about the value of human nature. They are usually driven by a passionate sense of mission and face all kinds of setbacks and difficulties without hesitation. But ordinary people like us often vacillate between the pressures of various groups.Because we think: If many people object, then we must be wrong.Our beliefs are often overwhelmed by the absolute majority.When the majority is against us, we cast great doubt on our own judgment. Others think that those who don't follow the crowd are usually eccentric, grandstanding, or "different" people.We don't think of a person walking barefoot in the street, or a man with a beard, or wearing a T-shirt to a formal dinner, or a woman smoking a cigar in a theater, as some liberal independent. They are like monkeys in a zoo, they are not very civilized.

We have to admit that it is hardest for us to ask ourselves to "keep our true face" today.In today's society of mass products, mass communication, and assembly-line education, it's hard to recognize who you are, and even harder to maintain who you are.For example, we often attribute a person by the group or class they belong to, such as "she is a married woman at work", "he is a union member", "he is a liberal", "he Is a reactionary element" and so on.Almost every one of us is labeled and relentlessly labeling others. Harold Dass, president of Princeton University, is very concerned about and attaches great importance to the question of whether to conform to the group or not.One year, at the graduation ceremony of the students, he delivered a speech titled "The Importance of Being an Independent Individual", which was roughly as follows:

No matter how much pressure you are under, even if it makes you have to change yourself to adapt to the environment, as long as you have an independent personality, you will know that no matter how hard you try to surrender to the environment in a rational way, you will still lose yourself The most precious asset you have - self-esteem.Wanting to assert one's own independence is arguably a sacred human need, a dignified expression of not wanting to be someone else's rubber stamp.Although drifting with the flow can make you get some emotional satisfaction in a short period of time, at the same time it also disturbs your peaceful mind from time to time.

At the end of this speech, Principal Das made a very profound conclusion.He said: "Only when people find themselves, will they understand why they came to this world, what they want to do, where they will go in the future, etc." In June 1955, when the Australian ambassador to the United States, Sir Percy Spender, was appointed as the honorary president of the Union University of New York, he also delivered a speech, which read as follows: The meaning of everyone's life is to bring out the various talents that they have.We have responsibilities to our country, society, and family.This is the reason why we exist in this world, and it can also make our life more colorful and meaningful.If we do not fulfill these obligations, society will be disrupted and our talents and independence will not be developed.We have the right and deserve a divine opportunity to cultivate our uniqueness and to pursue joy and happiness in it.

If you want to mature yourself, the seventh principle is: Be yourself.