Chapter 21 know and like yourself

Smiley Brandon wrote in a book: "An appropriate degree of 'self-love' is a very healthy expression for every normal person. In order to perform a job or achieve a certain goal, a moderate amount of self-care is absolutely necessary. necessary." I fully agree with Dr. Brandon's point of view.To live a healthy and mature life, "like yourself" is one of the necessary conditions.Is this a sign of self-satisfaction that is "full of selfish desires"?Obviously not.This means "self-acceptance" - a sober, practical acceptance of oneself for who you are, and maintain self-respect and human dignity.

Maslow, the author of "Motivation and Personality", also mentioned "self-acceptance" in his book.He writes: "The major concepts in recent psychology are: spontaneity, unbridledness, naturalness, self-acceptance, sensitivity, and contentment." Someone asked: Is liking yourself as important as liking others?We can say this: People who hate everyone or everything can only show their negativity of depression and self-loathing. Arthur Jassy is a professor at Columbia University's School of Education. He has always believed that education should help children and adults understand themselves and develop healthy attitudes of self-acceptance.In his book "Teachers Facing Self", he pointed out that the life and work of teachers are full of toil, satisfaction, hope and heartache. Therefore, "self-acceptance" is very important for every teacher.

Today, half of the hospital beds in the United States are people with emotional or mental problems.According to relevant surveys, these patients don't like themselves, and they can't get along with themselves peacefully. Here, I will not analyze the various factors that lead to this situation.The point I want to express is that in this competitive society, we often measure the value of people by material achievements, coupled with the pursuit of fame, boring work, everywhere can make our souls sick.I also firmly believe that the confusion of the minds of men is due to the general lack of support of a strong and continuous religious belief.

In his thought-provoking book, Life in Progress: A Study of the Natural Growth of Personality, Harvard psychologist Rob White notes that there is a very popular notion today: "One must adjust to adapt to the pressures of the surrounding environment." Dr. White also pointed out that this concept is based on an ideal, that is, "Man can adapt to various narrow channels, monotonous routines, Mandatory regulations and various pressures to achieve role tasks, etc. But whether he can accomplish something depends on whether he has the ability to refuse, help grow or improve the role; and he must be able to create and show positive power. In other words, it is to make oneself have a creative policy and attitude in the process of its growth."

One of the symptoms of people who dislike themselves in their lives is excessive self-criticalness.Moderate self-criticism is healthy and beneficial, and it is extremely necessary for self-improvement.But if we don't grasp the proper measure, our positive behavior will be seriously affected. Many years ago, a female student talked to me. She complained to me that her speech did not achieve the effect she expected. “When I stood up to speak, I immediately realized that I was awkward and timid,” she says. “The rest of the class seemed poised and confident. When I thought about my shortcomings, I lost the courage to continue.”

She went on to analyze her weaknesses to me in great detail. I told her, "Don't just think about your weaknesses. Realize that it's not your weaknesses that make your presentation a success, it's that you don't use your strengths." This is true, and it is not weaknesses that make our speeches, our artwork, or our personal characters seem like failures.Shakespeare's plays contain many historical and geographical errors; Dickens's novels also contain many excessive affectations.But who cares about these shortcomings?These works shine with immortal brilliance-because their advantages are so obvious that they cover up their defects.We love the friends around us because of their various advantages, and we don't care about their shortcomings at all.

Speaking of this, everyone should learn to focus on our own good qualities, cultivate our strengths, and overcome our weaknesses, so that we can continue to improve and achieve self-realization.Of course, we will also have some mistakes at any time, but we don't have to keep it in mind. In order to be able to like ourselves, we must develop patience in the face of our own shortcomings.This doesn't mean we have to lower our standards, become lazy, muddleheaded, or stop working hard, it does mean we have to understand the fact that no one is 100% successful forever, including ourselves.It's unfair to expect perfection from others, and it's foolish to expect perfection from yourself.

I once joined an organization where a woman member was very perfectionist.She strives for precision in everything, so she refuses to delegate everything to others, she must do it herself.She spends a lot of time researching even a small report; as for a speech, she has to prepare until she is exhausted.She doesn't like people coming to her house without saying hello very much, and she has to plan perfectly in advance every time she treats guests.What's the end result?She finally got everything in order, and what she showed was a cold, mechanical perfection that contained no joy, ease, or warmth.Such perfection, who would like it?

It is undeniable to say that asking yourself to be perfect all the time is an extremely cruel egoism.That means: we can't just be as good as others, but outperform others, shine like stars; achieve a status superior to others. As real-life people, perfectionists make mistakes and fail just like ordinary people.But they can't bear such a situation, so they hate themselves and don't like themselves. Here we suggest, don't be so harsh on yourself.Sometimes we have to practice self-relaxation, laugh at some of our mistakes, and learn to like ourselves. In the previous section, I mentioned that you need to give yourself time alone every day to know yourself more clearly.As everyone knows, being alone is also a great way to learn to like yourself.Leo Badmore, MD, medical director of the Seton Institute of Psychology in Baltimore, Maryland, has written: "It is a common practice for people to meditate on the activities of the day while they rest at night. Getting along with yourself is undoubtedly the best policy."

In everyday life, unless we get along well with ourselves, it's hard to expect others to enjoy being with us.Harry Fosdick once observed those who could not be alone, describing them as "like a pool blown by the wind, unable to reflect the beautiful scenery." If we depend on others for our happiness and fulfillment, it obviously puts a burden on others and affects the harmonious and equal relationship between us.To like, respect, and appreciate ourselves can not only cultivate a healthy and mature personality, but also improve our interpersonal skills. If you want to mature yourself, the sixth principle is:

Know and like yourself.