Chapter 14 Don't be hurt by criticism

Smidri Butler said: "People call me a yellow dog, a viper, a skunk... I don't turn my head to see who is saying those things." Do you know whose nicknames are "Old Awl Eyes" and "Old Hell Demon"?It belonged to Major General Smidri Butler.I once visited Major General Smidley Butler, the most colorful and stylish general who ever commanded the United States Marine Corps. He told me that when he was young, he tried to make himself the most popular person, trying to make a good impression on everyone in the world.During those days, he would feel very sad when others criticized him even a little bit.But he admits that his 30 years in the Marine Corps have toughened him up.He said: "I've been scolded and humiliated. I've been called a yellow dog, a viper, a skunk. I've been scolded by experts on scolding. Does it make me feel bad? Ha! Now if I hear someone Say something behind my back, and I don't even turn my head to see who is saying it."

Maybe Smidri Butler, nicknamed "Old Prick Eye," didn't care too much about it, but one thing is for sure: most of us take such trifles too seriously.I still remember that many years ago, a reporter from the New York "Sun" participated in the demonstration teaching meeting of my adult education class and showed a very aggressive attitude towards my work at the meeting.I was really annoyed at the time and thought it was an insult to me personally.So I called up the chairman of the executive committee of The Sun, Will Hodges, and specifically asked him to publish an article stating the truth, instead of mocking me like this.I was determined at the time that those who committed crimes should be properly punished.But now I am deeply ashamed of what I did then.I now understand that about half of the people who bought that newspaper would not read that article, and only half of those who read it would take it as a small matter, and those who really noticed this article, Half forget about it after a few weeks.

That's when I really understood that most people don't think about you and me at all, or pay attention to other people's criticisms of us, people only think about themselves.They pay a thousand times more attention to their own little problems than to the big things that could kill you or me. In fact, even if someone tells you and me some silly gossip, or deceives us, stabs us from the back, or treats you and me as a laughing stock, or one of us is betrayed by our closest friends, don't let yourself To wallow in self-pity is to remind myself that while it is difficult for me to stop others from criticizing me unjustly, I can do something more important: I can decide whether to allow myself to be disturbed by those unjust criticisms.

Of course, I am not in favor of ignoring all criticism, what I am talking about here is ignoring those who are unfair. When the late Matthew Brash was president of American International at 40 Wall Street, I asked him if he cared much about criticism.He replied: "Yes, I was very sensitive to this kind of thing in the early years. I was eager to make everyone in the company think that I was perfect. If they didn't think so, it would make me worry. As long as someone When I complain a little, I will try my best to please him, but if I please him, I will always make another person angry. When I try to satisfy another person, I will annoy other people. Finally, I found that the more The more enemies I have, the more I try to please others to avoid criticism. So I ended up saying to myself: 'As long as you are good, you will be criticized, so get used to it early.' Helped a lot. I've since decided to do my best to do what I think is right and put away my broken umbrella and let the criticism rain off me instead of dripping into my in the neck."

I once asked Elaine Roosevelt how she handled unjust criticism.She told me that she was very shy as a child and was afraid of what others would say about her.Facing criticism, she was so frightened that she turned to her aunt, elder Roosevelt's sister, for help.She said, "Auntie, I want to do something, but I'm afraid I'll be criticized." Old Roosevelt's sister looked her straight in the face and said, "Don't be afraid of what others say, as long as you know in your heart that you are right." Elaine Roosevelt told me that when she lived in the White House many years later, this advice It has always been her principle of conduct.She told me, "The only way to avoid all criticism is to 'do what you think is right, because you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do it, and you'll be damned if you don't do it'." That's what she told me advice.

Of course, Demose Taylor went a step further than Matthew Brash and Eleanor Roosevelt.For a while, he spent every Sunday afternoon doing musical commentary during the break of the New York Philharmonic's air concerts.A woman wrote him that he was "a liar, a viper, a traitor, and an idiot."Mr. Taylor said in his book "Man and Music": "I guess she only likes listening to music and not listening to speech." On the radio show the following week, Mr. Taylor read this to millions of listeners. letter.A few days later, he received another letter from this woman, expressing that she had not changed her opinion in the slightest, that she still considered him a liar, viper, traitor and idiot.Mr. Taylor took criticism with his composure, his unwavering attitude and his sense of humor.

When Charles once gave a speech at Princeton University, he said that the most important life lesson he learned was taught to him by an old German who worked in a steel mill.The old German man got into an argument with some other workers about something and was thrown into the river.Mr Charles said: "When he came to my office, he was covered in mud and water. I asked him how he treated the people who threw him in the river. The old man replied: 'I just laughed it off.'" Mr. Charles said that later he took the old German's words as his motto - "Just laugh it off."

When someone scolds you, you can scold him back, but what can you say to those who "just laugh it off"?This motto is especially effective when you are the victim of unjust criticism. President Lincoln did this. If he hadn't learned to ignore those who insulted him, he might have collapsed under the pressure of the Civil War.What he has written about how he handles his criticism has become a literary classic.How did Lincoln say these words?He said: "If I'm just trying to read -- let alone answer all the attacks on me -- the store might as well shut down and do something else.

"I've done it the best way I know--and done it to the best of my ability, and I intend to keep doing it. If I turn out to be right, then even if it takes ten times as much effort to say that I It's wrong, and it's useless." During World War II, General MacArthur copied this passage and hung it on the wall behind his desk at his headquarters.Churchill also framed the passage and hung it on the wall of his study. All in all, to be safe and happy, do the best you can, and put away your broken umbrella lest the rain of criticism run down the back of your neck. We will put unjust criticism behind us.