Chapter 47 Section 6 Help others build self-confidence

My friends are all single in their 40s, but recently he finally got engaged.My fiancée asked him to learn to dance, and he complained to me, "My God! I don't want to learn to dance. I have been dancing like this since I started dancing 20 years ago. But the dance teacher who taught me before Said, my way of dancing is not right at all, I have to throw away my habits of more than 20 years, and learn it again. This makes me very depressed, I have no interest in learning to dance at all, so I just don't want to learn it. "The second teacher who taught me said otherwise, and I accepted it easily. The teacher said that I danced a little outdated, but the basics were not bad. As long as I learned something new, it would be perfect. My first dance One teacher always talks about my bad things, which makes me depressed. The second teacher always praises my good things and takes my bad things lightly. For example, she will praise me I have a good sense of rhythm, and I am a natural dancer. In fact, I know very well that I cannot be a really good dancer, but I still like to learn to dance from the second teacher. Although she may say this because of money Why, but I don’t care. Because I think, it’s because she said that I have a natural sense of rhythm that I’m making progress now, and it’s all because of her encouragement, and it’s because she gave me the confidence to solve my own problems.”

If you tell your children, lovers, and subordinates that they lack talent in a certain area, then you will make a fatal mistake, which will deprive them of enthusiasm for learning.On the contrary, if you are generous and give him sufficient encouragement, let them believe that they can do well and that they still have great potential, they will continue to work hard and make continuous progress. Relationship expert Rowell Thomas uses this method to give people confidence and courage.Once, when I was spending a weekend with the Thomases, they invited me to play bridge.But I really didn't know how to play at all, and bridge was a mystery to me, so I told them frankly that I didn't know bridge at all.Davies said, "No way. Dale, bridge is very simple, as long as you memorize and make judgments. Really, Dale, it's too easy for you. You don't even have the experience of writing memorization articles." Yes, this will definitely not trouble you."

Before I knew it, I was sitting at the poker table.It was Thomas who gave me the confidence that bridge was really easy. When it comes to bridge, I think of Eli Cooperson again.He once wrote a book about bridge, which was translated into more than a dozen languages ​​and published all over the world, with sales of more than millions of copies.But he told me that all his achievements today come from the encouragement of a young lady, otherwise his life would definitely be different. When he first came to the United States in 1922, he wanted to find a job teaching philosophy and sociology, but he had no chance. Later, he sold coal and coffee, but failed.In addition to these jobs he also played bridge, but it never occurred to him to make it his life's vocation.At that time, his poker skills were poor, and he was stubborn. He would ask questions after playing for a while, and kept discussing with others, so no one wanted to play with him.

Later he met the beautiful bridge teacher Josephine Dylan.They fell in love and got married.Josephine found that her husband always liked to study her own cards carefully, so she told him that you have great talent and potential in bridge.It was such encouragement that made him decide to take bridge as his career. Jones, an instructor in a Carnegie class in Cincinnati, Ohio, told us a story about how he used this principle to change his son. "My son David is 15 years old and has been with me since he came to Cincinnati in 1970. He has a rough past. He suffered a head injury in a car accident in 1958 and now has a scar on his forehead. He has an ugly scar. In 1960, my mother and I divorced, and he moved to Dallas, Texas with his mother. Before coming to me, he was a student in a special class in Dallas, and he was a bit retarded. The school thought his brain was damaged. Injury, caused a learning disability, so he repeated two grades, so as of now, he is still a 7th grade student. He can't recite the multiplication formula, uses his fingers when counting, and is not fluent when reciting .

"Fortunately, he is not useless. He likes to study radios and TV sets, and dreams of becoming a TV technician. I support his only hobby very much. I told him that if he wants to realize his dream, he needs to learn mathematics first. So I just helped him with math and bought him four sets of colored cards including addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. I looked at the cards with him and asked him to put the correct answer in the blank column. If he made a mistake, I would tell him It was right, and then put it in the right place. It took a lot of time and effort, and he finally got it right. Every night after that, I let him put it in full again, and timed him. I told him, If he only took 8 minutes to put all the cards in the correct position, he wouldn't have to do it every day. It was impossible for him at the time. The first time, he took 52 minutes, The second time, it took 48 minutes, then, 45 minutes, 40 minutes, 41 minutes...

Every time he makes progress, we celebrate it.Then he couldn't use it for 40 minutes, I called his mother back, and we danced the jig with my son in my arms.Then a miracle happened, and by the end of the month, he had been able to place all the cards correctly within 8 minutes.I kept encouraging him to make progress, and he finally found that learning is no longer a difficult thing, but the joy of learning is replaced. "As a result, his math grades continued to improve. It didn't take long for him to get back a math report card with a B grade. This was a fairy tale for him before, but now it has come true! At the same time, in other On the other hand, he has also made amazing progress, his reading ability has improved, and he has also shown a talent for painting. At the end of the term, he prepared to participate in an exhibition competition under the advice of his science teacher. Using the principle of leverage, he designed and manufactured a high Difficult models fully demonstrated his drawing and hands-on skills, and showed his talents in mathematics and physics. In this science fair competition, he won the first place. He then participated in the Cincinnati Science Fair competition, And won the third place in the city.

It was encouragement that got David to do it all.This student who had been repeated for two years, a student who was considered by the school to have brain problems, and a "modern primitive" in the words of his classmates, when he found that learning is not a difficult thing, miracles appeared one after another.From then until his graduation from high school, he was on the honor roll.He was also selected by the National Honor Society while in high school. When David found that studying was not difficult, his whole life changed.