Chapter 37 Section 3 Let others save face

If you first admit that you may be wrong, others may be as tolerant as you are to think that he is wrong. Theodore Roosevelt admitted that when he entered the White House, if he got the decisions right 75 percent of the time, that was the highest standard he could have expected.Such was the best hope for a man as distinguished as Roosevelt of this century. What would happen if you were sure someone was wrong and told him straight up?Mr. Shas, a young New York lawyer, was recently arguing an important case in the Supreme Court.The case involved a lot of money and an important legal issue. During the debate, a Supreme Court justice said to Mr. Schas: "The admiralty law limit is six years, right?"

"There was a sudden silence in the courtroom," Mr. Shas later said of his experience, "as if the temperature had dropped to freezing point. I was right and the judge was wrong. I told him the truth. But that would be Made him friendly? No. I still believe the law is on my side. I know I speak better than ever. But I didn't use diplomatic rhetoric. The eminent, learned man is wrong." Few people think logically.Most of us are guilty of judgment and prejudice.Stubbornness, jealousy, jealousy, fear, and arrogance are the hallmarks of most of us.So if you're tempted to point out someone else's mistakes, sit down and read the following passage every morning before breakfast.Here is a passage from Professor James Harvey Robinson's instructive book The Making of a Decision:

“We sometimes change our minds without resistance or enthusiasm, but if someone tells us we’re wrong, it makes us angry and more assertive. We form our minds without reason, but if we When someone disagrees with our ideas, they wholeheartedly defend our ideas. Obviously it is not those ideas that are precious to us, but our self-esteem is threatened... The simple word 'mine' is the most important thing in the relationship between human beings and life. It is important to use these two words properly to be the source of wisdom. Whether you say 'my' dinner, 'my' dog, 'my' house, 'my' father, 'my' country or 'my' 'God, both have the same power. Not only do we not like to say that my watch is inaccurate, or that my car is too old, but we also hate to be corrected about our knowledge of trains, the efficacy of salicylic acid, or Shagang I of Assyria Mistakes in dates of birth and death... We are willing to continue to believe what we have been accustomed to believe, and if what we believe is doubted, we will find excuses to justify our beliefs. As a result, most of our so-called reasoning , becomes an excuse to continue believing what we already believe."

Sometimes, one or two words of understanding and lenient understanding of others' attitude can reduce the harm to others and save his face. A few years ago, General Electric was faced with a delicate task: the removal of Charles Steinmetz as the head of a certain department.Steinmetz was a genius of the first order in electronics but a total failure as head of the computing department.Yet the company dared not offend him.There was absolutely nothing the company could do to him—he was so touchy, so they gave him a new title.They made him a "Consulting Engineer for General Electric," the same job as before, but with a new title and someone else as department head.

Steinmez was delighted. Senior executives at GM were also happy.They've gently mobilized one of the most irascible big-name staffers, and they haven't caused a major storm because they've let him save face. Let him have face!How important, how extremely important, and how few of us think of it!We brutally kill other people's feelings, we are self righteous, we criticize a child or employee in front of others, find mistakes, make threats, without even thinking about hurting other people's self-esteem.However, a minute or two of thought, a word or two of understanding, and a magnanimous understanding of another's attitude can all reduce the harm done to others.

If we are right, the other person is absolutely wrong, and we should not destroy his ego by dishonoring him.The legendary French flying pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Souhoy wrote: "I have no right to do or say anything to lower a man's self-esteem. What matters is not what I think of him, but How he feels about himself, hurting someone's pride is a crime." Every notary knows this and lets people save face.No truly great man in the world wastes time resting on his own personal triumph.Let me give an example to illustrate. In 1922, after centuries of hostility, Turkey finally decided to expel the Greeks from Turkish territory.

Mustafa Kemer, delivering a Napoleonic speech to his soldiers, said: "Your destination is the Mediterranean." And so began one of the worst wars in modern history, in which Turkey won .And when the two Greek generals, Lycopis and Dionysius, went to their headquarters in Kemer to surrender, the Turks insulted their defeated enemy.But Kemer showed no arrogance of victory. "Sit down, gentlemen," he said, shaking their hands, "you must be tired from walking." Then, after discussing the details of the surrender, he comforted them with the pain of their defeat.He said soldier to soldier: "War is such a thing that the best men sometimes lose."

Even a great figure like President Roosevelt will inevitably make mistakes. Therefore, we should treat others' wrong criticisms with a tolerant and calm attitude. Even if the other party is wrong, we must respect them and let them keep their mistakes. face.