Chapter 36 Section 2 Have the courage to admit your mistakes, God will forgive you

Any fool will try to justify his mistakes, and most fools will.But there is something dignified and comforting about admitting your own mistakes and feeling different from others. You can never get enough by fighting but by giving in you may get more than you expected. Where I live is almost at the geographic center of Greater New York, but there is a forest within a minute walk from my house.In spring, the wildflowers of the black strawberry bushes are white, the squirrels nest in the forest and the weeds grow taller than the horse's head.This piece of forest land that has not been destroyed is called the Forest Company.It was indeed a forest, perhaps not unlike what Columbus saw the afternoon he discovered America.I often take Reese, my little Boston Bulldog, for walks in the park.He is a friendly and non-aggressive little terrier and since we rarely meet people in the park, I usually don't keep Reese on a leash or muzzle.

One day we met a policeman on horseback in the park who seemed impatient to assert his authority. "Why do you let your dog run around without putting it on a leash or a muzzle?" he scolded me. "Don't you know it's illegal?" "Yes, I know," I replied softly, "but I don't think it's good enough to bite here." "You think! You think! The law doesn't care what you think. It could have killed a squirrel or bit a child here. I'll let it go this time, but if next time I see the dog off a leash or harness If you are in the park with a mask on, you have to explain it to the judge."

I politely agreed to do so. I did, and several times.But Lace doesn't like wearing a mask, and neither do I, so we decided to try our luck.Things went well, but then we hit a reef.One afternoon, Lace and I were racing up a hill, when suddenly—unfortunately—I saw the lawman, astride a reddish-brown horse.Lace ran ahead, heading straight for the policeman. I'm set.Knowing this, I decided to strike first without waiting for the police to speak.I said, "Mr. Inspector, you've caught me right now. I'm guilty, and I have nothing to say. You warned me last week that if you took the puppy out again and didn't put a mask on it, you'd be fined." "

"It's easy to say, easy to say," the policeman replied in a very soft tone, "I know that when no one is around, no one can't help but take such a puppy out for a walk." "A puppy like you probably wouldn't bite anyone, right?" The policeman excused me instead. "No, it might kill a squirrel," I said. "Well, you probably take it too seriously," he told me. "Let's do it this way. You just let it run over the hill, out of my sight, and it's over." The policeman is also a person, and what he wants is the feeling of being an important person.So when I blamed myself, the only way to boost his self-esteem was to show compassion in a big way.

But if I'm going to defend myself, well, have you argued with the police? I didn't confront him head-on, I admitted he was absolutely right and I was absolutely wrong, and I admitted it readily, frankly, and fervently.Because I spoke on his side, he spoke for me instead, and the whole thing ended in a harmonious atmosphere. If we know that blame is inevitable, why not be the first to admit it?Wouldn't it be better to hear yourself condemned than to be criticized by others? If you know that someone wants or is going to blame you, say what the other person wants to blame you first, and he will have nothing to do with you.Nine times out of ten he will treat you with leniency and understanding, ignoring your mistakes, just as the policeman treated Reese and me.

Mike Chong, who teaches at the Carnegie Course in Hong Kong, told us that sometimes applying a certain principle may be more beneficial than following an ancient tradition.There is a middle-aged classmate in his class who has been ignored by his son for many years.The father had been a former opium addict, but was now an abstinent.According to Chinese tradition, older people are not the first to admit mistakes.He believed that for their father and son to reconcile, his son must take the initiative.Early in the session, he spoke to his class about the grandchildren he had never met, and how he longed to be reunited with his son.His classmates, all Chinese, understood the conflict between his desires and ancient traditions.The father felt that the young should respect the elders, and thought he was right not to budge, but to wait for his son to come to him.

Near the end of the course, the father changed his mind. "I thought about it," he said. "Dale Carnegie said, 'If you're wrong, you should admit it right away and clearly.' It's too late for me to admit it quickly, But I can also plainly admit my mistake. I have wronged my son. He was absolutely right not to visit me, and to throw me out of his life. I go and ask the younger ones to forgive me, Although it made me lose face, it was me who made the mistake, and I have the responsibility to admit it."The whole class applauds him and fully supports him.In the next class, he recounts how he went to his son's house, asked and was forgiven, and began a new relationship with his son, his wife, and his grandchildren, whom he finally met.

Albert Herba is one of the most idiosyncratic writers ever to make a splash, and his acerbic writing style often aroused strong dissatisfaction from his opponents.But Hebba's rare skill with the world often turns his enemies into friends. For example, when some angry readers wrote to him expressing disapproval of some of his articles, and ended by berating him, Herba replied: What can you say to someone who treats you like this. When we are right, we try to gently and skillfully get the other person to agree with us.And when we are wrong, if we are honest with ourselves, which is very common, admit it quickly and fervently.Not only is this technique amazingly effective, but, believe it or not, it is more useful in any situation than arguing for yourself.

Don't forget the old saying: "Between fights, you will never get satisfactory results. But by giving in, the gains will be much higher than expected." If you are wrong, admit it quickly and honestly.