Chapter 29 Section 4: Show kindness to others, don't expect anything in return

I recently met an outraged person and I was warned that I would be talking about it within 15 minutes of meeting him, and I did.The incident that made him angry happened 11 months ago, but he still gets angry when he mentions it.He could hardly talk about anything else.He gave 34 employees $10,000 Christmas bonuses—almost $300 each—and no one thanked him."I'm sorry that I actually gave them bonuses," he complained. A sage said: "An angry person is covered with poison." I sincerely sympathize with the poisoned person in front of me.He is 60 years old.Life insurance companies estimate that the average number of years we have to live is 2/3 of the difference between our current age and 80 years old.This fellow—if he's lucky—has about fourteen or fifteen years to live.It turned out that he wasted almost a whole year of his limited remaining life, resenting the past, and I really sympathized with him.

In addition to resentment and self-pity, he can ask himself why people don't appreciate him.Is it possible that the pay is too low, the hours are too long, or that the employees think the Christmas bonus is part of what they deserve.Perhaps he himself is a picky and ungrateful person, so that others dare not and do not want to thank him.Maybe everyone thinks that most of the profits have to be taxed anyway, so it is better to treat them as bonuses. But on the other hand, it could also be that the employee is really selfish, mean, and rude.Maybe this, maybe that.I don't know the whole situation any better than you do.I do know that Dr. Johnson in England said: "Gratitude is a product of great education, you can't get it from ordinary people."

My point is that it is a common mistake for him to expect gratitude from others, and he simply does not understand human nature. If you saved someone's life, would you expect him to be grateful?You probably will.But Samuel Leibovitz was a well-known criminal lawyer before he became a judge, and he saved 78 criminals from the electric chair.Can you guess how many of them have come to say thank you, or at least sent a Christmas card?I think you guessed it - not a single one. If it's about money, then there's no hope!Charles Schwarber told me that he once helped a bank teller who misappropriated bank funds to buy stocks and caused losses. Schwarber helped him make up the amount to avoid lawsuits. Did the teller thank him? ?Thanks to him, but only for a while, and then he turned against the man who had saved him, the man who had saved him from prison.

If you give your relative $1 million, he should thank you, right?Andrew Carnegie sponsored his relative, but if Andrew Carnegie came back to life, he would be shocked to find that this relative was cursing him!why?Because Carnegie left more than $300 million in charitable funds, but he only inherited $1 million. That's how things are in the human world.Human nature is human nature, and you don't have to expect it to change, why not just accept it?We should be like one of the wisest Roman emperors, Marcus Alelius.He wrote in his diary one day: "I meet talkative people today, selfish people, self-centered people, ungrateful people. I don't have to be surprised or bothered because I can't yet imagine a world without these people."

Isn't what he said very reasonable?We complain every day that others don't know how to reciprocate, so who is to blame?This is human nature.So stop expecting gratitude from others.It would be a pleasant surprise if we were occasionally thanked by others.If not, don't be sad. It's human nature to forget to be grateful, and if we keep expecting others to be grateful, we're probably asking for trouble. I know a woman who lives in New York and complains all the time that she is alone.None of the relatives wanted to approach her, and I don't blame them.You went to see her, and she would babble for hours about how she cared for her nephews when they were little.They got measles, mumps, whooping cough, she looked after them, lived with her for many years, sponsored a nephew through business school, and lived with her until she married.

Do these nephews come back to visit her?oh!some!Sometimes it's purely obligatory.They were all afraid to go back and see her because of the thought of sitting for hours listening to those old tunes.Endless complaints and self-pity are always waiting for them.When the woman found that threats and temptations were not enough to get her nephews to come back to see her, she was left with one last resort - a heart attack. Is this heart attack faked?Of course not, the doctor also said that her heart was quite nervous and she often had palpitations.But the doctor couldn't do anything, because her problem was emotional.

What this woman needs is love and attention, but I thought what she wanted was "gratitude", but unfortunately she will probably never get gratitude or love, because she thinks it is due and she asks for it. How many people are like her, longing to be loved because others are ungrateful, lonely, and neglected, but the only way to truly get love in this world is not to ask for it, on the contrary, to be loved without asking for anything in return pay. This may sound too unrealistic and idealistic, but it is not!This is the best way to pursue happiness, and I know it because I've seen it happen in my family.My parents are very helpful, we are poor, so we are always in debt, but despite being so poor, my parents can always squeeze out a little money every year to send to the orphanage.They have never visited the orphanage, and have never been thanked except perhaps by letters, but they have paid off, because they enjoy the joy of helping these helpless children and do not expect anything. return.

After I left home to work, every Christmas, I would send a check to my parents asking them to buy something they liked, but they never bought it.When I came home for Christmas, my father would tell me that they bought coal and daily necessities for a poor woman in the city with many children.The joy of giving without expecting anything in return is the greatest joy they can get. I am convinced that my father fits what Aristotle called the ideal man who enjoys pleasure.Aristotle said: "An ideal man enjoys helping others." To pursue true happiness, you must abandon the idea of ​​whether others will be grateful, and only enjoy the happiness of giving.