Chapter 7 Chapter 6 Half the sky is falling, I must fall into the fire pit?

The sky cannot collapse in half, just like a person cannot live without a left hand or a right hand.When a whole family exists, your child's heart is whole and so will your life.But some people often forget this most basic and common truth. You naturally have the right to choose your wholeness in life, and you have the right to choose your emotional and even physical integrity, but a truly whole parent, a whole family - even a re-established family and marriage - should come first Completeness (the complete life of your children before remarriage or after divorce), only then can you achieve true completeness (the future of yourself).

No one has the right to criticize your choice, any personal choice belongs to the category of freedom.But there is only one option that cannot be free, and that is that the restoration of your marriage and relationship cannot be based on the pain of your child. On the morning of April 17, 2000, the judges of the Zhifu District Court in Yantai City, Shandong Province encountered an even more absurd thing: The judges were busy trying a case that day, when suddenly a five or six-year-old boy slipped through the door, and there were no adults around him.At first the judges didn't care, thinking that some naughty child had come here to play, but several hours passed, and the child remained timidly at the gate of the court, as if there was something wrong, but he didn't dare to say anything.

The judges came and asked the child, "Who brought you here?" "It's mother," said the child. "Then where is she now?" The child shook his head: "She said she asked me to find Uncle Judge..." The judges were already surprised and asked, "Why did your mother ask you to find us?" The child shook his head again. "Do you want to find Mom now?" Child: "No. I miss grandma." Judge: "You don't think about your mother, but about your grandma? Why?" "Hi, grandma, mom doesn't want me anymore..."

The judge felt something was wrong, another unfortunate outcast. "What's your name?" The judge seemed to be unable to ignore the child. The child took out a note from his pocket, which said his name was Li Haixin. "And where is your father? Does he still live with your mother?" the judge asked. "No, he and my mother divorced a few years ago." Based on the information provided by the child, the judge quickly searched for Mr. Li in the divorce cases in previous years, and immediately found the divorce files of Xiao Haixin's parents.The civil book said: Li Haixin's father, Li Zhongyi, and mother, Chen Xiaoming, divorced by agreement at the end of 1995, and Xiao Haixin, who was only half a year old at the time, was sentenced to his father Li Zhongyi to raise him.

"You should be with your father. Why didn't you mention your father?" the judge asked Xiao Haixin again. "He doesn't want me." Xiao Haixin lowered her head when she said this. "why?" "have no idea……" It was obviously a child awarded to the father, but the father did not want the child who should be by the mother's side, and the mother sent the child to the court today. In order to solve the mystery, the judge had to take Xiao Haixin to find Li Zhongyi first.But when the judges found the current Li Zhongyi's home after a lot of trouble, a boy of Li Zhongyi's who was already married and about the same age as Xiao Haixin refused the judge to enter.

"Do you know who he is?" The judge pointed to Xiao Haixin and asked the boy from the Li family. "I know, he is Li Haixin. But he is not my father's biological son." The boy's words surprised the judge: "How do you know?" "My dad did a paternity test, and the doctor said he wasn't born to my dad." The boy said with a disdainful glance at Xiao Haixin. When the judges heard what the child said, they all felt that the Li family's matter was really strange.How did Li Zhongyi do the paternity test?How could the child be kicked out of the house without authorization based on the paternity test, and now Xiao Haixin's mother sent the child to the court?This series of questions made the judges feel compelled to intervene.

They waited patiently for Li Zhongyi, the protagonist of this matter, and they waited until dark. Li Zhongyi finally appeared.When the judges asked about this matter, Li Zhongyi seemed to have expected it, and shouted his grievances at the top of his voice: "I have worked hard to drag him for five years, but my family said that this child is not like me. At first I also I don’t believe it, but later I heard that a paternity test can be done now, so I paid someone to do a paternity test, and it turned out that this little son was not my own. Tell me, am I wronged? Years aside, I have been wearing a green hat for five or six years and I don’t know anything about it! You judges can also judge, how can you suffer from everything in the world? So I returned the child who was not mine to his mother... "

It was the first time for the judges to encounter such a thing, so they asked Li Zhongyi: "You can conclude that this child is not your own just based on an identification?" Li Zhongyi jumped up when he heard it, grabbed Xiao Haixin, and said to the judges: "Look, what is he like me? What is it?" The judges had to carefully compare Li Zhongyi's appearance with Xiao Haixin's, but they really couldn't see some similarities between them. "But what does it mean? Even if the child can't see anything like you now, you can't guarantee that he is not your own!"

Hearing what the judge said, Li Zhongyi became even more excited: "Yes, but none of you can guarantee that this child must be my own! Besides, I have a paternity test from a doctor." "You show us the appraisal certificate." "I can't show it to you." Li Zhongyi's attitude was suddenly very tough. "I did it through a personal relationship. I can't betray them. I'm not at fault for this. It's the shameless mother who caused this situation. You should find the mother to end this matter." He pointed to Xiao Haixin and said. The judges felt that this matter was really strange, so they took Xiao Haixin to find Chen Xiaoming who lived in the countryside that night.

When Chen Xiaoming saw his son coming back, his expression was very bitter.She told the judge: "I have already married and have a boy, and the family's economic situation does not allow it." "Then why didn't you refuse when Li Zhongyi sent the child to you?" the judge asked. "He poured dirty water on me, and I couldn't control him. But seeing the child suffering, I felt distressed, so I took in Xiao Haixin. Later, the burden on my family became heavier and I had no choice, so I sent the child to Your court..." "Then tell me frankly, Li Zhongyi said that Xiao Haixin is not his own child, what can you guarantee?" the judge asked Chen Xiaoming bluntly.

"That's all his nonsense. Who is not his own? Li Zhongyi is doing this now because his current wife provoked it..." Chen Xiaoming's point of view is also very clear. So insisting on their opinions, Xiao Haixin still couldn't return to any home.The judges made a decision: order Li Zhongyi and Chen Xiaoming to go to the court again, and confirm that a paternity test should be done again. The court will designate the test site, identify experts, and then determine who will raise Xiao Haixin based on the test results. "Do you agree to do this?" the judge asked Li Zhongyi. "Agreed." Li Zhongyi thought for a while and agreed. "Chen Xiaoming, what about you?" "I have no objection. The child is ours, but I just don't have the ability to raise him..." Chen Xiaoming said, wiping away tears. "Okay, that's it!" But when the judge thought that the mediation would solve the problem, all the people in the court suddenly found that Xiao Haixin slipped out of the court alone at some point, and disappeared for a while... Xiao Haixin did not go too far, but like Haixin, who was innocently abandoned due to sudden conflicts and problems between parents, and lost the love of relatives and the basic living conditions, today is not just Xiao Haixin's poor child. Such a thing happened in a certain city in Sichuan: A couple in a scientific research unit are already associate researchers. They have been married for more than ten years and live happily ever after. Their children have also grown into middle school students.But this couple, who are both outstanding in the field of scientific research, has an only son who is not at all like his parents. His poor grades in school and his muscular figure can't be found to be inherited from his parents. .When taking the junior high school entrance examination, the parents worked hard for their son, but in the end they had to pay 20,000 yuan to enter a key middle school.When taking the high school entrance examination, my precious son failed to enter a key prestigious school.The father broke his legs because of his son's affairs, but in the end he failed to impress those prestigious schools with sincerity and money. When he was exhausted, one day a colleague from the unit half-truthfully said to him: "Both of you are from the unit. Business elite, such genetics can’t make a son an imbecile? Hee hee hee, man, didn’t you take care of your newlywed wife back then?” The speaker didn't mean it, but he felt like he was shocked by an electric shock when he heard it: That's right, why have I only blamed this stupid son for so many years, why didn't I think about the root of the problem from this aspect?Look at the son of a turtle, he is so fat and big-eared, and his brain is as stupid as a pig. No, she had so many suitors when she was in college, she even boasted to me on her wedding night that I was her thirteenth suitor.Thirteen, damn, this is an unlucky number! The more the associate researcher thought about it, the more he felt that there were too many doubts about the child, and the more he thought about it, the more he felt that he had to figure it out.The more he thought about it, the more he realized that there were too many doubts about the child and his wife back then. No, no matter what, I have to reveal the answer to this mystery, or I will be too wronged in this life! So, he became mysterious all day long, because everything he had to do was done in secret.My wife felt that he was a little strange, but what she could think of was that this nerd might be lost in his new scientific research topic! After less than half a month of doing this, suddenly one day his mother who never drank staggered into the house, and then angrily pointed at his wife's nose and said: "You are a liar! You are a whore! I want to talk to you!" You divorce! Divorce immediately! Do you know? Divorce immediately!" The wife was inexplicably scolded by the drunk, and she was angry and annoyed, but she still didn't take it seriously, because she knew that her husband was incompetent in the wine market. But what happened the next day completely surprised her: "The husband put a divorce paper in front of her and a paternity test at the same time." "You are crazy, what does this mean? Even in the most advanced countries, it is believed that its identification results cannot explain anything, and in the usual sense, there are two out of ten thousand genetic genes that do not belong to this identification technology." In the scope of the results, you can conclude that the son is not yours just based on this? How absurd! Fortunately, you are still a scientific worker! My wife wants to tear up the damn certificate." But he held it tightly in his hands. put. "I'd rather believe in scientific conclusions than be deceived by more than ten years of false appearances! Besides, you can guarantee that you are one or two in ten thousand?" "Bastard! You are already insulting me by doing such an appraisal secretly! How dare you smear my face with shit? I will fight with you." Thus began a protracted family scuffle.The son, who was already full of low self-esteem, became extremely lonely and irritable amidst the daily quarrels between his parents. The young man bowed his head all day and did not talk to anyone.Six months later, his parents finally went to court to decide to divorce.That day when the judge asked them to bring their son to ask which of their parents they would like to follow, the child disappeared. The school did not exist.When the couple who hated each other so much got the divorce papers from the court, they never got back their son - in fact, the father of the child had already lost interest in his son, and he even regarded his son as a The shame of her life, as for the mother of the child, she was heartbroken at first, but then her husband resolutely divorced her, and she gradually became numb to the matter of her son. She said that her family is over, so what can she do if she finds a son again? ?If one day my son said to her again, Mom, you are not my real mother, I still have to lose him! Several years later, someone told her that she had seen her son in a certain place in Guangdong, and asked her if she hoped that his son would return to her.Still very indifferently, the mother said: let him go. The divorced husband now has a new home and already has a toddler son.He regarded the little son as the apple of his eye—someone said behind his back, because he secretly did a paternity test without telling the new wife, and the result made him extremely happy: the son was born by him! Yes, the son was born to him!It was another man who said this. He now lives in an apartment in a certain community in the Asian Games Village in Beijing.He is the grandfather of the dark-skinned little boy in front of me, an old comrade who has retired at home. The photo in his hand looks crumpled: "You, Mr. He, may be the 100th person who has seen this photo." It turned out that the black-skinned little boy under the knee of the old man I interviewed was the illegitimate child of his daughter and an African man.It seems that the child's genes are inherited from his father.But now the 12-year-old boy has never seen his father, and even his Chinese mother has not seen him for more than four years. I learned about this child from a friend. After I repeatedly promised not to use my real name and not to introduce others to disturb them, the grandfather of this mixed-race child agreed to accept my interview.When I learned what happened to this Chinese boy of black descent, I once again sighed infinitely... The little boy turned out to be a double black -- undocumented black and colored black. Xiao Heihai's mother was a college student who graduated from a university in Beijing when he was born. Let's call her Xiaojuan for now.Xiaojuan is a girl from other provinces who went to Beijing to go to university. From the first day she entered the university, she was determined to leave this backward country and go to the rich and free world.But Xiaojuan was born in an ordinary worker's family without any financial strength or overseas background.There are countless insurmountable obstacles for her to go abroad.But why is Xiaojuan willing to let it go?Besides, when she saw one student after another got a visa to go abroad before graduating from university, she was a little anxious and red-eyed. For the Chinese, there are only a few ways to go abroad: one is to pass the test with hard skills;But for Xiaojuan, she can't do any of the above three ways.what to do? "As long as you can afford to be yourself, how can you not get out?" A classmate told her. "How can I give up myself? I have nothing!" Xiaojuan didn't quite understand the mystery. "Hee hee, are you pretending not to understand or do you really understand?" After the classmate made fun of her, he looked her up and down, and then said with some regret: "You look like this, it seems that European and American countries are useless." , the Middle East desert son also has little hope, maybe only the third world is still a little bit possible..." "Fuck you, I don't believe it!" When Xiaojuan understood what her classmate said, the boss threw her classmate out unhappy.She closed the door, put on a dress, looked in the mirror, and said to herself: It's not the best, but it's pretty good. With this self-confidence, Xiaojuan began to prepare for going abroad.She heard people say that if a person like her who does not have the above three conditions wants to go abroad, the only way to marry a foreigner is the quickest and most effective way. Where can I find foreigners?Alas, Beijing is full of foreigners, it's too easy. Someone pointed her out: Fangcaodi is the area of ​​embassies of various countries in China. Every day, foreigners want to find a Chinese girl to chat with and drink coffee! So Xiaojuan began to go to Fangcao every weekend.The fragrant grass land is really well-deserved - the romance and sentiment of fragrant grass are flying everywhere.Originally, Fangcaodi was the place where fish looking for food gathered. When a bait like Xiaojuan showed up, fish came over... The first person I met was a business representative of a Canadian company.This very European-style romantic business representative deals with Chinese girls as if they are talking about business, and he doesn't spit out half of the money when he doesn't see the real thing. Xiaojuan was impatient to go abroad, and after drinking coffee with this foreigner for the third time, she gave up her most precious part. "Here, 200 yuan, note: it's US dollars!" Xiaojuan almost burst into tears, but she still forced a smile to express herself to the business representative: "I don't want your money, I just think you should want me." "Hmph, didn't I already want you?" The Canadian business representative shrugged and asked in puzzlement with a smug smile on his face. Xiaojuan had no choice but to swallow the bitter water into her stomach. The second person who ate Xiaojuan's bait was an English gentleman, but this English gentleman who spoke standard English was not a gentleman at all in his actions.After the incident, he didn't even keep a dime. Instead, he boasted in front of Xiaojuan that he had at least ten girlfriends like her in Beijing. After two consecutive miscalculations, Xiaojuan decided to readjust her tactics, and she began to bait the black race.Sure enough, as her classmates said, she was especially cherished in the third world.As soon as she came up, she took the initiative to swear that she must marry, and this was the whole purpose of Xiaojuan's baiting. When Xiaojuan was half a year away from graduating from university, she actually began to live with this third world, or entered the honeymoon ahead of schedule. "I'll go back to China first, prepare our little home, and then I'll come pick you up and go far away together..." One day, the third world came to check Xiaojuan in a hurry. After Xiaojuan heard this, her lips were trembling with excitement.The next day, she made a special trip to the airport to see off the third world... The following days are the days that Xiaojuan is full of infinite expectations.The third world also calls greetings from distant places in good time, and always tells Xiaojuan a hope at the end: I am busy to welcome your arrival... In this way, some time passed.Suddenly, for several days in a row, Xiaojuan found that her body had a certain reaction: It’s broken, I’m pregnant with his child! Surprises followed by more surprises: With his child, wouldn't it be more mature for me to go abroad?Xiaojuan was about to die of joy. When the third world called again, she couldn't help telling him the happy event.When the other party heard it, he immediately let out a surprise: "Really? Why did you tell me?" "Didn't I know that too!" Xiaojuan said. "I'm going on a long trip recently, just wait for my news!" Third World hung up the phone after finishing speaking. Look at the child's father, he knows how to be thrifty before he even has a family, and he doesn't even want to make a few minutes more phone calls!The innocent Xiaojuan was enveloped by too much happiness, she patted her stomach and said so to Xiaosheng. However, it gradually began to appear afterward.First, Xiaojuan received fewer and fewer calls from the third world. When the baby in her belly was about to give birth, she hadn't received a distant call from a distant place for more than two months.This kid won't play with me, will he?Xiaojuan had a big belly, and a dark cloud could not help passing over her heart.But she still firmly believes: We all have children, and he must be busy preparing for the future heir... As long as there are children, everything is a fait accompli.Xiaojuan is still full of confidence. Mom and Dad, although I have graduated, I can't go home...I want to stay in Beijing and wait for him to pick me up.Xiaojuan called her parents in other provinces with tears on the phone, mom, you must come to Beijing somehow, I have something to do... She was going into labor and someone had to be around to take care of her. The mother and father came together. When they saw their little grandson in the hospital, they were all shocked: how could it be a black child!You black kid in black! You, you... how could you be with a black...?The parents stomped their feet in anger, but it was already too late, and the little life had already come to them. What can I do?When the parents walked out of the maternity hospital holding the black doll, they were at a loss. The sallow-faced Xiaojuan said weakly: Just wait. This wait is three years. In the past three years, Xiaojuan has had strands of gray hair.There were several baskets of letters she sent out, but they always fell into the sea... fraud!fraud!fraud!I must find you—Xiaojuan yelled to the black sky countless times in the dead of night. Another three years.Her son is of school age.But at this time the child has not yet registered.how to get onAn illegitimate child, a black child with dark skin!to my hometown?No, that would make parents and family scold to death.Beijing can't get a household registration.But the child is grown up after all, except for his dark skin, he is a real Chinese!He speaks Chinese, likes to eat Chinese food, and plays Chinese billiards—since he was born, he has been playing billiards with his grandfather at home almost all the time.Once my grandfather took him out, the neighbors gathered around and asked the old man: Who is this child to you?Why is it a little black African?Could it be that your daughter was born to a black man?That's too much... The more the old man heard, the more something was wrong, as if he was being stabbed with a needle all over his body.From then on, he never dared to take his little grandson out again. Xiaojuan didn't even dare to take it.Once she wanted to take her son to the KFC store, but she was surrounded by three floors inside and three floors outside before entering the door... Look at this little black man! This woman must have fooled around with some black person! Xiaojuan and the child didn't eat KFC, but they were full of anger.From then on, Xiaojuan never took her son out again. But now that the child is older, fear and waiting should not affect the child's schooling.So Xiaojuan and her father searched for schools in Beijing, but all the schools they went to refused to accept her.The reason is simple: I don't have a Beijing hukou. Later, the trustee found a private school and paid a considerable amount of money to get it in.However, after a while, Xiaojuan's son was crying and refused to go to school for some reason, and said: Mom, they all called me a black child and beat me, woo woo woo... Xiaojuan's child is doomed to this fate, although one day he can make other children enter school dignifiedly, even if one day he grows up to speak Chinese completely and recite ancient Chinese, his skin color cannot be changed He was a black child—and he couldn't even find his father, so he was destined to bear the heavy cross of a black child forever. According to the relevant department of foreign affairs, in the past two decades, the number of foreign-related marriages between Chinese women and foreigners has reached six figures, and among them, failed and unfortunate marriages accounted for about 20%, and many of them were like Xiaojuan. of the situation.Obviously, the most immediate and long-term victims may be their children.In Beijing, I also heard about a child whose mother met an old Russian businessman on Silk Street and made a foreign marriage while doing business.The old Maozi came to China and began to do everything to his sister who was in the clothing wholesale business. Later, the two rented a house near Xiushui Street and got married. They were inseparable, and they had their current son.If you say that children of different races are different, Lao Maozi's son is a little boy-everyone loves him.But the good times of this foreign couple were short-lived. Once, the old man told his wife that the US dollar was valuable because of the social turmoil in Russia, so he mobilized his wife to exchange the more than 2 million yuan accumulated over the years from the black market for US dollars, and then returned to Russia. Russia thinks it's a big deal.The wife believed his nonsense, exchanged all the hard-earned money into US dollars and gave it to the old man.Now it's all right, no news from the bird when the husband left.Later, I found out that he took his wife's money and wandered in the underworld in Petersburg, Russia. Not only did he hack his Chinese wife's money, but he was also controlled by the underworld.The wife didn't believe it, so she went to Russia alone, but she never returned. Some people said that she was also hacked by the local underworld, but the truth is still unknown.This happened in the late 1980s, and now more than ten years have passed, and their children have grown up year by year, and the little ones have also become big ones.But although this child is taller than Chinese children of the same age and speaks Beijing Hutong language, he has repeated grades many times. Children of the same age have all entered junior high school, and he is still squatting in the fourth grade class of elementary school.Teachers and classmates secretly said that he was mentally handicapped, but Da Maozi's neighbors said he could not be mentally handicapped?He was a little foreigner when he was young, but he didn't know a word of foreign language. You can call him Chinese, but his nose and eyes are not Chinese at all, and his parents are not around to take care of him. Living at my aunt's house, so I came here at the age of one year, and now I have really become a four-faced... You said that this standard Chinese child has become like this now, and his parents do not mean throwing him into the fire pit ? Readers read the above two examples, it seems that apart from some recordings, they may feel that such things are somewhat distant from the life around them after all.Then please take a look at the following incident that happened to you or your neighbor, Shi Ying, a former sophomore girl from a private university in Beijing, majoring in advertising design. During the summer vacation of 2000, she was caught on the spot for picking up things in several department stores. At the beginning of the new school year, her parents spent a considerable amount of money to keep Shi Ying's school box. He was broken at school, officially dropped out of school after this winter vacation, and now works as a temporary worker in a company.Shi Ying is not ugly, she said that her boss thinks she can have a job with a good salary without going to college at all.But Shi Ying's salary is only about 600 yuan now, but she doesn't worry about running out of money. "It's easy for me to want money. I just need to use my mouth to call Mom more." Shi Ying said to me proudly. "Is your mother dependent on you like this?" I asked. "of course." "why?" "Because she needs to hear me call her mom..." I don't understand: "Your mother loves to hear you call her mother so much?" "Yes. She is my stepmother." Shi Ying finally told the whole story. But being a stepmother is so rare that you call her mother? Shi Ying was obviously dissatisfied with my question: "Are you interviewing or digging into my family?" I quickly explained to her: "I just need to understand what kind of mentality your stepmother has." "It seems that you only care about my stepmother, and never asked me what my own mother is like?" Shi Ying had a pair of not-so-small eyes, and she gave me a hard look. "I'm sorry, I was afraid of hurting you...so I didn't dare to ask." "Don't be afraid, you can ask." The weird guy in front of me really made me a little confused: "Then tell me about your real mother first, where is she now? How did you divorce your father?" "My mother has been dead for five years..." Shi Ying lowered her head sadly, but quickly returned to normal.She raised her head and let out a long sigh, then said: "My mother is good at everything, but she can't get along with my father. The two of them have different personalities, but they don't want to divorce. You can live well if you don't divorce, but they don't want to divorce." Arguing and arguing all day, all month and all year long, until the last two hearts that love each other are all broken. They were still separated the year before." When I got divorced, I hadn't graduated from junior high school. My mother said that in order not to make my father feel better, I must follow my father, so that he can live a better life with another woman.In fact, she already knew at that time that she was terminally ill, but she still had to use her last bit of strength to fight to the end.For example, in the last six months before she died of illness, I felt sorry for her and stayed by her bedside almost all the time.But my mom got word from somewhere that my dad was having a fling with a woman -- my current mom -- and stepmother.My mother told me not to go to the hospital and stay with my father.I know my mother's intentions, so that my father can prevent or reduce the opportunity to develop relationships with other women.I don't want to, because on the one hand, I don't want to be such a little villain, and on the other hand, seeing my mother is pitiful, I want to take good care of her.But my mother insisted on driving me away.He also said, I will give you 100 yuan if you stay with Dad for a day. In order to fight with Dad to the end, Mom even spent her own doctor's money on this.I had no choice but to say something to her, but I was afraid of hurting her, so I followed her. At that time, when I returned home, sometimes my father led the woman who would later become my stepmother home.Father, when you see me, you always put on a fake smile on your face.Especially that woman seemed very nervous and scared when she saw me at home, especially my father.At that time, my mother was already seriously ill, and I really hated my father, thinking that you should not be sweet when my mother is dying!So every time my mother gave me 100 yuan to stay at home, I would work hard to complete it as if I had some important task.And every time my dad brings that woman, I don't show a good face, I always tell my dad loudly in front of the woman how sick my mom is now, how serious my dad is, and my dad always says something Neither does emotion. Seeing this kind of scene, I am very proud, and I will go back to the hospital and tell my mother quietly this—chuck, I see that there is always a bleak smile on my mother's sallow face at this time. After Mom's smile, I was still complacent, and felt relieved for Mom, but the more I looked at Mom's bleak smile, the more terrifying and trembling I felt... My mother was unable to fight against a terminal illness and finally died. When she was dying, she only left me one sentence: The struggle with your father is over. Let your father marry that woman, but you only have one mother.What my mother meant was that I was only allowed to recognize her as a mother in this life.Later, my mother passed away, and my father also officially registered for marriage with that woman, my current mother, a month after my mother passed away. My dad has been very careful with me since he got married, for fear of hurting me. In fact, he also knows that marrying a woman from outside to replace my mother is the biggest harm to me.To be honest, I have no objection to my dad remarrying his wife, especially seeing how he was so useless in front of my mother all day long, and now he can be a man in front of his new wife, I feel sorry for him happy.But after all, I am also an adult girl, and I feel sour when I see my mother who is not my own and my father so affectionate.Even often in front of them, it was very embarrassing for Dad, and I could see that he was suppressing his dissatisfaction with the way I was doing because I lost Mom. My stepmother works as the director of the academic affairs office in a key middle school in the city. She is very beautiful outside, and people always come to our house with things to ask her to arrange the enrollment of children. She really has a lot of power.Although I was very annoyed that people came to her all day long, but because it also brought me endless food and endless accessories, I acquiesced in my heart.The stepmother is a very face-saving person. You think she is a teacher and the director of the Academic Affairs Office. Every time a guest enters the room, she will introduce me to everyone enthusiastically. The guest knew that she was my stepmother. At this time, I was very disgusted. It can be seen that she was always secretly begging me to cooperate with her with a pleading look. I saw her pitiful, so I slowly cooperated with her in acting... "It's good that you can do that. As far as I know, most children and stepparents are absolutely incompatible." I said. Shi Ying nodded and continued: "Why am I not? In fact, I am meaner than anyone else, which is more or less inherited from my mother. But the tragedy of my mother is that she is too mean and does not distinguish between objects. Husband - My father was driven away from me, and finally died of terminal illness. I will not be like my mother, I am mean and use it as a weapon to achieve my goals. Let me talk about my relationship with my stepmother, she In order to establish her glorious image in front of outsiders, she repeatedly asked my dad to do my job and let me call her mom, and then she came forward to beg me again and again. Several times she deliberately put me in front of outsiders in front of guests. Pull over and tell you how handsome my daughter is, and how my daughter is so close to her mother. People who don't know the details really think that she and I are mother and daughter?" Once I saw how pitiful she was, so I said casually, Mom, don't keep pestering me, I still have something to do!At that time, my stepmother stood there in shock, her face was full of shock, and tears flowed from her eyes.Then she kept saying that Yingying had something to do and you should go, as if she had been fed honey, and then she took out 500 yuan and forced it into my hand, saying that you should go out and see delicious and beautiful things and buy them yourself.I thought it was worth it at the time. I could earn 500 yuan if I called mom, and I could buy a bunch of big CDs and a bunch of delicious food.When I came home from outside that day, my stepmother, not to mention how happy she was, kept asking me if I had enough money and what else I needed to buy.She came to my small room affectionately, and said to me like coaxing a kitten, Yingying, your voice calling mother is so beautiful, it can be said to be the most beautiful voice in the world.It's funny in my heart, right?Then I'll call Mom again - this time I deliberately tuned it, but my mother was about to burst into happiness, and she also responded with a tune.The more I looked at the funny, I laughed happily.It doesn't matter if I smile, she thinks I'm happy, so she laughs too.So the two of us laughed up and down. This was a laughter that our family hadn't seen for many years. Even the neighbors on the left and right were surprised.and I?心里也不由得乐滋滋的，你说就这么表演了一番，竟然轻轻松松就可以得到这么多钱，值不值？So worth it! 从此，我便重新有了一个妈，而这个妈真正在我心头出现时通常是我想要钱花的光景。我与后妈的关系便变成了金钱关系。她这个要面子的教务处主任为了让我叫她一声妈是为了满足虚荣心，而我这个女儿叫她一声妈是为了我生活和物质的需要，我们彼此得到一种满足与补偿。我坚决做到的是不想向她要钱的时候我不会轻易叫她一声的，而她在认为需要时要我叫她一声妈时她定会付出特别高的代价。 有一次她学校的一位校长到我家来，她便走进我小屋，随即順手放在我桌子上1000块钱，看了我一眼后，便扯扯我胳膊将我往外面拉。我当时虽极不情愿，可看到桌上的1000元钱，也就装模作样地放下作业本，跟她在那个校长面前表演了一番。校长当时大夸了我―通之后，也将他的教务处主任好好褒奖了半天，说什么你看你把家都整治得这么和和睦睦，连一个不是亲生的女孩都跟你那么充满亲情！我在小屋里听了直想吐口水，心想去你的亲情！我只对1000块人民币有感情嘛！由于我心头怀有这种顽固不化的意识，终于有一天我和后妈之间的交易出现了破裂，那天我在学校考试没考好，下午回家心里特别的烦。一进门，便见她又在跟一群不知那儿来的客人在天南海北胡扯。她见我进门，就暗示我当着客人的面叫她妈，可我装傻充愣没理这个茬，只管目不斜视地径直进进出出自己的房间。她就有些急了，一而再，再而三地当着众人说颖颖你怎么进屋也不叫一声妈，多没礼貌。我一听就火了，突然冲着她大声嚷嚷道：“你是谁的妈呀？我妈早已死了，你算什么东西？你有资格当我妈吗？你以为在这个家你是什么东西？告诉你，你什么都不是！想当我妈？没门！没门……” 时颖说到这儿，自个儿哈哈大笑起来，笑得眼泪都快流出来了。这是位非常有个性的女孩，也可以说是头不易驯服的小马鞠。我端详着眼前穿着时髦并富有朝气的小姑娘，心头不自然地涌起一股道洁的爱悯之情。像时颖这样的女孩不能说她身上没有优点，甚至可以说有不少精神在某种时候显得很有些味道，比如她的反叛精神，比如说她刻薄却又不那么固执，比如说她十分注意调节自我生存的可能，把同后母之间的关系转化为一种看起来谁都得益的交易。但由于她心灵深处缺乏真正的亲情，缺乏家庭的正确教育与引导，因而使她心理和意识并不健康。其实像这样的孩子是很聪明也很懂事的，只是需要真情和百倍的爱抚，因为她们的内心充满了伤痛。失去亲生母亲和长期失去家庭的健全之爱，使她们不可避免地在心理上造成某种缺陷。做父母的或者做长辈的应该懂得如何从根本上改进自己的教育方法，而不是一味不予理会或者一味地迁就她们。 时颖告诉我，从这次与后妈吵翻后，她便彻底离开了家，搬到了学校寄宿。正是由于本来就缺少家庭和父母的亲情关怀，小时颖后来一个人在学校越发变得无法无天，性情也格外的暴臊、一点亏也不能吃，动不动就跟老师和同学吵得翻天覆地，最后不得不休学，过早地浪迹社会。 那天，时穎笑过后又大哭了一场，与我临别财两眼红得像桃核似的。她最后跟我说道：“我从小一直生活在火坑样的家庭，现在我害怕有家，将来我也永远不想有家……” 她的话让我很沉重。通常，女孩子们最看重的就是能有一个家，一个让她们感到安全和温馨的家，然而时穎和千百万失去温暖的女孩子现在却痛恨有家，这难道不令人感到窒息？从时颖身上，那些做家长的应当认真地反省自己，即你在与子女的交往中，任何带有目的的强求而来的亲情只能最终失去亲情本身，导致与儿女之间的决裂，从此引发难以收拾的后果。反过来，你问一声子女们，他们还大呼冤枉，说自己生活在火坑之中，这样的代价实在昂贵。 写到这里，我不由得想起了俄罗斯大文豪托尔斯泰在安娜.卡列尼鄘一书中开头的那句名言：幸福的家庭总是相似的，不幸的家庭各有各的不幸。托翁的这句名言，之所以成为经典，是因为托翁把我们这个人类无论是何朝何代，还是何国何族的万千种家庭与婚姻的模式，用了这样一句话全给囊括在了其中。 是的，我们无须对幸福的家庭再给予那种赞美式的探究，是因为它已经具有了人类追求幸福与美满的许多相似的共性；而为什么我们要对那些不幸的家庭与婚姻进行无数次的重复探究？同样是因为这些不幸的家庭和婚姻呈现了太多各不相同的内容，值得人类自身去反省与思考，并从中找出某些规律性的东西，让人们在反省与思考中清醒和明白什么需要扬弃，什么需要悔过，什么又需要扪心自问。 在我们今天的这个社会里，人们的生活方式和思想意识，发生了巨大变化，随之而来的家庭与婚姻的发生和发展的状态，也在不断出现新的情况。离婚率一年比一年高，夫妻之间的那种温良谦让越来越少，动不动就离婚，这已经是相当多的家庭今天正在选择的生活方式。前几年社会上还十分流行一句话，说几年不见的朋友和同事们再碰头时第一句话就问：你还没有离婚哪？似乎谁没有离婚反而成为一件被人耻笑的亊。这两年类似这样的话说得少了，可婚姻上的杯水主义则大行其道，且在多数人看来这已经成了一种完全可以理解的普遍现象。我们知道，作为夫君和妻子者，在社会文明程度越来越高的今天，谁都有权利对感情和生活方式进行符合自己意愿的选择。但是有人在处理婚姻与家庭走向时，却往往只考虑自己如何如何，而常常把家庭与婚姻中夫和妻之外的另一个极其重要的方面给淡忘了，那就是自己的孩子。大人们在坚决地选择与追求自己的幸福或者拼命摆脱心灵的痛苦时，则极少极少地頋及孩子们在面对失去父母与完整的家庭时的那种感受，那种忧伤，那种无望、无奈和无边的苦涅滋味…… 让我们来听听孩子们面对离婚了的父母和破碎了的家庭，是怎么—种心境—— 夏琪，北京女孩。很小的时候父亲就离开了家，夏琪心目中的父亲因此是这样的： 我没有见过我爸。确切地说，我有记忆以来，他就不以父亲的身份出现过。虽然我一直知道每个孩子都应该有爸爸妈妈，但很小的时候，我便懂得不要提起自己的爸爸。慢慢长大后，才从大人谈话中明白，我也是有爸爸的，但他离开了我和我妈。在我8岁右手骨折时，我没有见到他；在我14岁打着点滴考中考，考试后马上动手术，手术大出血时，我没有见到他；在我17岁高三时因肺炎住院一个月时，我没有见到他；在我5岁拿到钢琴六级证书，甚至在我拿到大学通知书时，我也没有见到他——我的父亲。听说他就住在距我家18公里的城市，但我始终一直没有见到他。爸爸对我而言，只是个遥不可及的名词。在填写表格时，我总会残忍又坦然地写上父亡…… 房煜，北京男孩，也是位大学生了。他的父母离婚后虽然都对他不错，但他依然始终有颗流浪的心： 许多人都说我是所有离婚父母中幸运的一个孩子，因为我的父母都还很爱我。特别是我母亲，一个人支撑我读完高中3年。当我到大学报到的那天，父亲和母亲都去学校送我，3人在时隔2年后才第一次一起吃了一顿饭。我父亲早在我10岁时就再婚了，母亲结婚后又因我而离婚。从6岁至22岁我一共有过6个去处，住的时间长則几年，短則几个月。有的同学通讯录上同时有我的3个电话，同学们因此笑我是属兔的。 离婚极大地影响了我父母后来各自的生活。他们明显地比同龄人苍老许多。我小小年纪也就变得心事重重。那种无从依靠无可寄托的感觉最终导致内心世界的压抑与封闭，并在之后渐渐显露。别人以为我应该知足，毕竟父母还在照顾我，没有不管我。作为男孩，我也常蕞視自己的脆弱。 曾经相信书是最好的朋友，于是我从小就爱看书。在大学我的专业是法律，我相信法律让人理智，理智可以战胜感情……可只有我自己知道，在书读过之后，电视里精彩的球赛播放之后，电话里老友的声音逝去之后，我孤独依旧。后来我养成了一个人晚上瞎逛的习惯，我特别喜欢看长安街上两排长长的街灯，一边走一边数，数一串开怀的日子，再数一串阴郁的日子。多少年来我没有一个固定的住所，使我的心一直处在一种流浪的状态下，渐漸觉得住哪都无所谓了。我失去了家。 然而我知道家是人的一方乐土，父母是大树，我们是树上的鸟儿。人的肉体感到累时需要有个地方休息，精神疲倦了同样需要有栖息之所。在这一点上，家无可替代。而身处一个残缺的家庭中，我的心則永远没有一种安全感与归宿感…… 汗山，江西学生。因父亲离婚后，心头满怀对家庭和社会的仇恨，17岁那年曾3次想自杀，并连自己的母亲都想一起砍死： 我10岁那年父母离婚，从那以后我再未和他们在同一张桌上吃过饭，每一次看见别人一家团团圓圓，热热闹闹，心里有一种说不出的滋味；而生活的漂泊，也影岣了我的学业，更进一步之后的人生，寄人篱下的酸楚让我仇视周围的一切。 怎样叙述儿时的孤苦呢？敌视他人，报复社会，少年时偷盗，青年时打架斗殴，砍别人，也被别人砍。还记得少年时的那段流浪日子，白天在外乞食，晚上就躲在停车场里的公共汽车上过夜。有一次深夜的暴雨顺着车壁流在椅子上，一直漫透我的冬衣将我惊醒。我坐在那儿把所有的衣服襄在身上，可依然无法抵御寒冷而瑟瑟发抖。那晚我一直哭到天明，可天明后我依然无家可归……那种天地之大竞无我立足之地的孤苦使我3次自杀。一次是在大年三十听到，满街的鞭炮而我自己身无分文地躲在破屋里，我吃下积攒下来的安定片，昏睡3天3夜；之后两次割脉皆因只割到静脉，真不知是运气还是悲哀，当看到鲜血像喷泉一样涌出时，我没有痛感也不害怕，只有一种解脱感。 那年我17岁。 之后母亲接我回家，可在一次切菜时，当她弯下接捡东西时，那一瞬间我突然想拿刀砍下去，她的头就在我刀下……她是我的亲生母亲，将我带到这个人世的那个人。 那时我对她和她对我的所作所为恨透了，思想里那种仇恨、报复在那一刻想要用行动来实现。因为我恨透了包括母亲在内的整个世界，甚至包括自己…… 上面收集的三位父母离婚的子女吐露的心声，不难让我们联想到他们的父母对其孩子而言是些有罪之人，他们不管是什么原因离的婚，天真的孩子们总是最不幸的。因为一旦父母离婚之后，孩子们不仅物质生活和环境会发生巨变，而且更重要的是心灵受到极大创伤，使得他们突然间对这个世界、对自己的亲人都产生了仇视与漠然，这种可怕的后遗症将对他们一生的信念与追求都是毁灭性的。但生活中常常是那些一心想摆脱婚姻纠缠的成人们在他们决意离婚姻时，极少把孩子的真实愿望考虑在离婚因素之列，这必然导致有一天亲生的儿女会向自己举起带血的屠刀……如此种种血淋淋的恶果，难道不应该引起那些正在向妻子或丈夫开列“离婚通蹀书”的人们重新思考自己的行为与后果？ 然而我知道，在我们今天的中国，离婚率仍在增长，每年的离婚夫妇已超过百万对，他们中很多已经有了孩子……