Chapter 5 Chapter 5 please let me love you once

When a woman is going to a dinner party, she has to dress up. I stood in front of the wardrobe door in a daze.It is a huge test of life for a woman to look like someone who pleases herself.Women need boudoir friends, largely to deal with such moments.If Shen Xiuwen was here, she would definitely suggest that red silk dress. She appreciates me wearing red the most. But, Xiuwen, I won't listen to you.forgive me. At five fifty, I'm dressed. Xiaoxuan was doing his homework in his own room, and came to me at some point. "Wow." His eyes lit up, "Mom, you are so beautiful."

I held him tightly in my arms. The phone rang, and Song Qiaoxi went downstairs. Black Rolls Royce.Sure enough, it was the one I saw in the clubhouse parking lot. He offered me a seat in the back and sat next to me himself.Up ahead was the driver, and I felt like a prisoner being escorted, of course, a prisoner with a lot of ostentation. As soon as the car started, Song Qiaoxi praised: "You are very beautiful tonight." Heh, it still lived up to the experience of being educated in the United States. "Thank you." I replied, "Thank you for your hard work, and you have to work overtime on weekends."

Song Qiaoxi nodded reservedly. "Have you seen our old Gu these few days?" I asked casually. "No. Why?" His expression seemed to say, your own boss still came to ask me. "I thought you were still in final negotiations." "No, there is no need for further negotiations." "Really? It's all settled?" "deal." "The conclusion is?" Song Qiaoxi laughed: "I have no right to say that. Maybe, Mr. Cheng will tell you tonight." He imitated Cheng Mo Yuan's demeanor everywhere, after all, the fire was not yet ready.It seems a bit snobbish on the contrary.

I asked, "Have you joined Mr. Cheng's team for a long time?" "No, less than a year." "I can see that you are well regarded." "I do my best." "Working for him is stressful, isn't it?" "Not necessarily..." The young elite hesitated for a moment, and replied cautiously, "Mr. Cheng has very high requirements, and he himself is always challenging the limit. However, I heard that he has changed a lot this year." "Change?" "It's mainly due to physical reasons. I don't know the details, after all, I haven't been here for a long time."

"What's wrong with Mr. Cheng's body?" I asked. Song Qiaoxi said carefully: "I only know that the doctor strictly limited his work intensity. Other things... I haven't heard anything clear." I think it's very unusual.Judging from Song Qiaoxi's shrewdness and training, he should never talk about his boss easily.Unless someone confessed to him, or, he has other plans? So, let me go a step further. "Do you often pick up people for Mr. Cheng?" "Well?" "Like tonight?" Song Qiaoxi looked ahead, as if she didn't hear anything.Our conversation ends here.I hit the bottom line.But I don't know if it belongs to Song Qiaoxi or the person behind him.

never mind. The Rolls Royce drove into the parking garage under the clubhouse.Song Qiaoxi led me to the elevator hall on the other side.I understand, Cheng Moyuan lives in the apartment integrated with the club. Lift to the top floor.Song Qiao said westward, "I'll take my leave first," and took the original ladder to leave.There is only one door for the entire floor.Before I could ring the bell, the door was already open. Cheng Moyuan came to meet me in person. No matter how ups and downs my emotions were before, every time I saw him, I immediately settled down.It seems that once the curtain is opened, all thinking, choices, judgments, and foresight are all emptied, leaving only instinct to direct actions.From now on, it is not what to do, but what to do.

I smiled and walked towards him. He gently held my hand: "I'm glad you can come." I could tell he meant it, and so did I. We sat down at the table, and a man and a maid began serving dishes.I looked at Cheng Mo Yuan carefully.His complexion was worse than the last time I saw him, but his eyes were very lively, which brightened his entire face.There was an unconcealable eagerness about him. Me too? My eyes fell on Cheng Moyuan's hand.ah?He carried a cane today and put it by his side after sitting down.My heart was beating wildly.what happened?What happened to him? Cheng Moyuan has been watching me, and I can clearly see my mood for him.He said leisurely: "This is a gift from an English friend. I don't think it's too long-winded and I never use it. I happen to be in the mood to play these days. It's a knighthood."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and suddenly felt like crying again, feeling inexplicably sad. He added: "You are very beautiful tonight." Heh, this is the third compliment I've heard today. I was only wearing a white long-sleeved silk shirt and a black knee-length leather skirt.The platinum necklace and matching diamond heart-shaped earrings are not exactly expensive jewelry.The whole portrait is taken in black and white. But they all feel beautiful. Cheng Moyuan looked at me with good eyes: "It's strange. Please forgive me for saying this, I always feel that I have seen you before."

"Ten years ago," I said. "No, not ten years ago, when you were pregnant." Speaking of this, he smiled gently, "I remember very clearly, you were wearing a dark brown coat, which was as big as a robe. Walk up Lu Lai is like a goose, swaying... But why, in my memory, you are vaguely what you are now?" It looked like he was genuinely confused. Suddenly wanting to joke with him, I said, "Sounds pretty romantic." Cheng Moyuan really laughed loudly: "Yes, I should talk about predestined relationship in my previous life. No, I won't use this trick to please the lady."

"Of course, you don't need it." I thought for a while and said, "I have read some psychological theories, and the explanation for this 'deja vu' phenomenon is that people unconsciously accept a lot of information, some real, some illusory, A sense of familiarity will be generated from it. Psychologists also say that in fact, many times we don’t need real memories at all, and the brain can create a familiar feeling by itself.” He frowned: "Why?" "For...to convince myself that everything has a cause and effect." "Would that feel comfortable?"

"I think so." He nodded and raised his glass to me: "There must be a reason for us to sit and eat together tonight. Thank you for your kindness, let's eat more." The dishes are ready and taste surprisingly good.Fresh and layered, no less than the craftsmanship of Michelin chefs.Maybe it is, there is a Chinese restaurant with three Michelin stars in the clubhouse.I thought I had no appetite, but I actually ate with relish.Wine is a rare wine.I took a sip and a sip, and I was afraid I would get drunk if I went on. Cheng Moyuan hardly touched his chopsticks, he only drank. I asked him, "Didn't the doctor limit your drinking?" "Have." "How much are you allowed to drink?" "Not a drop." I look at him.Alcohol made his cheeks much rosier and his eyes frighteningly bright. Cheng Moyuan said nonchalantly: "About a year or so ago, I had several near-death experiences in succession. The doctor announced that if I didn't change my lifestyle, I would die at some point, and the death condition was quite terrible. Death, I don't care. Everyone dies. But I don't want to die too ugly. So from then on, I started to follow the doctor's advice gradually." He winked at me slyly, "But I think , There is still a balance to be found between dying ugly and living aggrieved. Some things can be compromised, and some things must never be said.” He drank the wine in his glass. I lowered my head, unable to bear to look again. "I heard that you are looking for your boss?" Cheng Moyuan suddenly changed the subject. I was surprised: "Who did you hear that from?" "Oh, hasn't Gu Fenghua been missing for several days? Don't you worry?" There was no special meaning to be seen on Cheng Mo Yuan's face.In just a second, he switched from a heart-to-heart reminiscence to a cold businessman's face.Terrible man. too ridiculous for me. "Yes, we are all worried." I also asked calmly, "Mr. Cheng, do you have any news about Gu Fenghua?" He nodded: "If you finish eating, I'll show you something." "I'm done. It's delicious. Thank you." Cheng Moyuan shook slightly when he stood up, and I instinctively reached out to help him.He smiled and patted the back of my hand lightly, and all of a sudden my resentment disappeared without a trace.What reason can I blame him?Whatever he does to me is what he deserves. There was a large LCD screen on the wall in the living room, and the lights dimmed as soon as we sat down on the couch. "I don't want to scare you," Cheng Moyuan said in a steady tone, "What you will see next may not be easy to accept. Please be mentally prepared." The screen appeared.There is no sound.It is clear at a glance that it is a candid video, and it is night, so the light, distance and angle are all problems.The picture quality is rough but does not affect viewing.There are dates and times in the lower right corner, indicating several images that occurred in the past three days. The first segment started at 2:16 last Friday night.In the center of the picture is a lonely gray building.It is the R&D center of Guchen Group located in the development park.The night is dark, so dark that it is distorted in the video, as if covered with gray fog after cloud.A silver car speeds into the frame.I recognize Gu Fenghua's Mercedes-Benz S320.It came to a sudden brake at the entrance of the R&D center.Come to a stop.Gu Fenghua got out of the driver's seat, opened the rear door, and pulled out Liang Hongzhi.Mr. Liang still seemed to be the same as he was during the day, swaying from side to side, appearing delirious.Gu Fenghua hooked his shoulders with him, walked zig zag with great affection, and entered the R&D center. The second segment starts at 12:50 on Saturday night.It is still the exterior of the R&D center, and the Mercedes-Benz is still parked in place.As far as I know, no one works overtime in the R&D center, so Gu and Liang can stay there completely undisturbed.But why do they need to stay here for a full twenty-four hours?What is the purpose?Suddenly, the door of the R&D center opened.Liang Hongzhi rushed out from inside, followed by Gu Fenghua.The two were standing in the open space in front of the R&D center, gesticulating non-stop, both very emotional.Looks like it should be arguing.The arguing and arguing that Liang Hongzhi lost control, kicked and kicked the Mercedes-Benz.The strange thing is that Gu Fenghua didn't stop him, but stood aside with his arms folded.Liang Hongzhi vented for a long time.The location of the R&D center is indeed remote, so the noise did not attract attention.A few minutes later, Liang Hongzhi was probably exhausted, and he was lying on the windshield of the Mercedes-Benz with his head bowed.It wasn't until this time that Gu Fenghua slowly stepped forward and whispered something in Liang Hongzhi's ear.After another minute or two, Liang Hongzhi seemed to calm down, and followed Gu Fenghua back to the R&D center again. In the third paragraph, the sky is still not bright.The time was displayed as 3:40 am on Sunday.That is three hours after the second video.The two walked out of the R&D center one after the other again, Liang Hongzhi was still dragging a trolley case in his hand.Gu Fenghua got into the car first, Liang Hongzhi's trolley case seemed to be very heavy, and he put it into the trunk after trying several times.Just when he was struggling to put the box away, Gu Fenghua suddenly started the Mercedes.First forward and then backward, instantaneous acceleration.Liang Hongzhi was caught off guard and was knocked down all at once.The Mercedes-Benz did not brake, but made a sharp U-turn and ran over to Liang Hongzhi who was on the ground.Liang Hongzhi was hit and rolled on the ground a few times, lying there without moving.At this time, Gu Fenghua got out of the car and walked over, bent down to check Liang Hongzhi's condition.Suddenly, Liang Hongzhi jumped up from the ground again.There was a cold light in the right hand, one after another, they stabbed at Gu Fenghua's body non-stop... Finally, Gu Fenghua collapsed like a paper man.Under his body, a large dark stain smeared and stained the ground. "... Have a drink of brandy." It was Cheng Moyuan who spoke. The lips feel the coldness of the glass.Whatever it is, I swallow it.A hot feeling rushed up from my throat, and I let out a long breath.Come back to life. "One more thing, do you want to read on?" He asked.I nodded, but couldn't make a sound. Fourth paragraph.Liang Hongzhi dragged Gu Fenghua into the car and ran back into the building.After a while, he ran out with a bucket and poured water on the ground.After going back and forth like this for no less than ten times, dark water (blood water?) kept flowing into the drain on one side.Finally, convinced that the blood had been cleaned, he threw the empty bucket into the trunk of the Mercedes.Liang Hongzhi stopped all movements and looked up into the distance.At the farthest end of the background in the video, the original blurry gray gradually becomes clear.The sun must be coming out.Finally, Liang Hongzhi sat in the driver's seat.The silver-white Mercedes-Benz shot out of the picture like a bullet. The lights come on. After a while, I looked up. "How do you have these?" "Someone collected information for me." Cheng Moyuan said, "After these videos were delivered this morning, I thought about it all day, and decided to invite you over." "why?" "Because I want you to know Gu Fenghua's whereabouts as soon as possible." I smiled wryly: "Thank you. Now I know he's dead." Cheng Moyuan said lightly: "Judging from the screen, it should be Gu Fenghua who attacked Liang Hongzhi first, but was killed by the other party instead. The two partners of Guchen Company really have a good understanding." "Where did Liang Hongzhi go?" "My people are still following me." Cheng Moyuan leaned back on the sofa, and replied boringly, "It is said that he drove at least five or six hundred kilometers today, busy throwing corpses and cars, and didn't even care about food There is something to eat. He is currently hiding in a small hotel in the suburbs, recuperating. Next, I think he will try to escape." "You know everything?" Cheng Moyuan didn't answer.But his eyes were piercing, fixed on my face. I asked him, "What do you want?" "Me?" He smiled easily. "I just want to invite you to dinner." "Show me these after eating." "I saw before that you could still eat it?" "So dinner is more important than dead people." "What matters to me is you." "You sent people to follow Gu Fenghua because of me?" "What do you think?" Cheng Moyuan asked back.He was torturing me, and there was nothing I could do to fight back.I'm no match for him at all.If possible, I just want to cry in his arms, and then he can do whatever he wants with me.Live or die as he pleases.But this is impossible. Why not spread everything out?Short-term pain is worse than long-term pain. I can always choose not to be stabbed to death. I raised my glass and took a swig of brandy. "Mr. Cheng, I know why you want to investigate Gu Fenghua and Liang Hongzhi." Cheng Moyuan was noncommittal. Let me go on: "Your project manager Song Qiaoxi once said that the 'Dream Keeper' game is the only product line of Guchen Group worth investing in. But at the same time, your team expressed doubts about the profitability of this product. Song Qiaoxi said, For "Dream Keeper" to be truly profitable, it still needs to upgrade its products significantly. But the problem is that Ji Chunmao, one of the original creators of "Dream Keeper", disappeared three years ago, and his life and death are still uncertain. Although we insist that another founder, Liang Hongzhi, can independently lead product development, you don’t believe this statement. So you arranged a meeting last Friday, and put the product founders Liang Hongzhi and Gu Fenghua together, and let them Confrontation. As a result..." My voice trembled, "The conflict between Liang Hongzhi and Gu Fenghua broke out completely. Gu Fenghua wanted to use 'Dream Keeper' to get your investment, so as to save his company that was on the verge of bankruptcy. Liang As for Hongzhi, he wanted to make a fortune out of it, because he felt that he was Gu Chen's most valuable asset, so he used this to blackmail Gu Fenghua. Fenghua had the intention to kill first. So he pretended to agree to Liang Hongzhi's request, hoping to make Liang lose his guard and seize the opportunity to strike. But Gu Fenghua was too careless, and he never expected that Liang Hongzhi had been on guard. In the end, the one who died was Gu Fenghua." I took another swig of my wine. "Drink less." Cheng Moyuan persuaded. I giggled: "Mr. Cheng is too shrewd and wise, I admire you. Gu Fenghua still wants to cheat you out of money. He really deserves his death." "what would you do?" "I?" "Yes, you." Cheng Moyuan showed a worried expression, and his tone was very frank, "If your boss is killed, the company will definitely go bankrupt. I know that you are deeply involved in Gu Chen, and you have shares... It doesn't matter The key is that Liang Hongzhi won't be able to hide for long, and Gu Fenghua's death will be discovered soon. The police will intervene, and the media will definitely cause chaos. What will you do then?" I stared at him: "I didn't kill anyone, what am I afraid of!" Cheng Moyuan sighed. I looked greedily at his face.So haggard, yet so graceful.There was also a sort of mournful air about it, very much like it was really—really for me. I wish I could never wake up from my dream.pity.pity. I asked: "Mr. Cheng, you have this evidence in your hand, why didn't you report it to the police immediately?" He raised his eyebrows: "Do I look like I have a sense of justice?" "No." I answered honestly. "As long as my interests are not harmed, I honestly don't care what is right or wrong in this." "You're so frank." "I don't want to pretend to be a gentleman. It's normal for a businessman to do whatever it takes to make a profit. It's just that Gu Fenghua's luck is too bad." "But killing..." "Killing doesn't necessarily mean taking life." Cheng Moyuan said in a desolate voice, "It's more about killing without blood. This kind of situation happens all the time." I know what he's referring to, I fully know . "Mr. Cheng, have you met Xiuwen?" He was taken aback: "Not...not yet." "Do you want me to arrange it?" Cheng Moyuan shook his head and smiled bitterly: "She doesn't want to see me, and I don't want to force her." I hesitated for a moment, and said it anyway. "I should let you know that Shen Xiuwen has decided to convert to Catholicism." "Really?" He was shocked.After a moment of silence, he murmured, "I killed her. Poor woman." "And me," I said, "Mr. Cheng. You are not the only one who harmed Shen Xiuwen, but me too. It was you and me who committed the crime together." Cheng Moyuan's eyes were like sharp knives.In just a split second, I was devastated.But I didn't fall. I asked him, "Do you remember what happened? Ten years ago..." "Of course." Cheng Moyuan seemed to be telling someone else's story, "At that time I failed in speculation, owed huge debts, and both black and white were chasing me. Heh, it really was a situation where rats crossed the street and everyone shouted and beat me. I left my wife behind. My son, I absconded and fled to Shanghai alone, trying to start a new life here. I met Shen Xiuwen." "You picked her." Cheng Moyuan's voice was full of sarcasm: "It's hard to say who will choose who. In short, I have hope for life again. We started planning a small business in the future, and even prepared to get married. And all of this came to an abrupt end one day." He Smiling easily, "Because I was caught. The Hong Kong police cannot enforce the law in the mainland, but the gangsters have their own way to get me back. I am fine. How did the classic line say? When you come out to mess around, you always have to pay me back." It's a pity that Miss Shen Xiuwen has suffered, I'm sorry for her." I bow my head. "What about you? Miss Zhu, what did you do to her again? Aren't you her best friend?" I raised my head again, and at this moment, I was not flustered. "Mr. Cheng, I was the one who called the Hong Kong newspaper and reported your whereabouts." He looked at me like it had been a century. "So, you are the one with the most sense of justice." These are the most vicious words I have ever heard. I closed my eyes and forced the tears back to my heart. "It's late, if there is nothing else, I want to say goodbye." I stood up. Cheng Moyuan remained motionless. I walked towards the door in silence, my body light and fluffy.It seems that there is a serious illness. "Don't go, I have something to ask you." I stopped and turned around.Cheng Moyuan's face was so pale that I couldn't help but think of the sky before the thunderstorm. "Why did you do that?" I do not speak. "why?" I still don't speak. Cheng Moyuan came over and pushed her towards me. "Miss Zhu Ran, I ask myself that I have never offended you. Shen Xiuwen is even your best friend. I want to know, what is your purpose to treat us like that?" "It's not me, there are others." I stubbornly raised my head. Up to now, I don't expect his forgiveness, but I don't intend to be insulted by him either.I calmly said, "Mr. Cheng himself said that the underworld has their own methods. You can hide from the first day of junior high school, but you can't hide from the fifteenth day of junior high school. You will be discovered sooner or later. When that happens, Xiuwen will only be hurt even more. You I have a wife and son in Hong Kong, and I even went to Shanghai to propose to her, and it sounds like it’s true, what kind of heart is there.” Anger burned violently in his eyes, Cheng Moyuan sneered: "So, you are defending your friend." "Yes, in order not to let her fall into the trap of hooligans and liars!" He raised his right hand, and I instinctively closed my eyes.But—no slap in the face. I opened my eyes in surprise. Cheng Moyuan looked at me: "I don't understand you." He shook his head slightly, "Why did you provoke me?" "I didn't, I just confessed." "No, no." He still stared at me, as if my face was buried with a diamond mine, "You don't need to confess to me at all. As long as you don't tell me what happened ten years ago, no one can blame you on the head." "But you already doubt me." "It's just speculation, I don't have any basis." I became irritable: "Anyway, you know the truth now." He said slowly: "Then you confess one more thing." "what?" "How did you find out about me?" There was a bang in my heart.This extremely smart guy can't hide anything from him in the end.But I have to leave something for myself, and I still have something to think about in the future.He can remember me too. I said, "Mr. Cheng, I have no more secrets from you. Please let me go." He was like a wall blocking my way. "Let me go." "Unless you make it clear." Cheng Moyuan's gaze was filled with confusion, curiosity, and tender concern.I can't stand it.The past, the present and the future, everything about him surged into my heart, like hot water pouring down my head.I wake up.I have no intersection with him, and the heart-to-heart connection like an adventure at this moment is just my illusion and illusion.Just wishful thinking. "You want to threaten me?" Cheng Moyuan couldn't help being stunned because of my conflicting tone. I walked straight past him. "Zhu Ran...Miss." He called me from behind, a little anxious. I stopped by the door: "Mr. Cheng, thank you for telling me Gu Fenghua's whereabouts. In exchange, I also confessed some past events to you. If this spoils Mr. Cheng's mood, I can only apologize." Cheng Moyuan frowned, "Miss Zhu is serious. I'm not...so narrow-minded." He laughed at himself. No, you must be!I screamed in my heart, otherwise tell me how to get out of this door. I continued firmly: "Mr. Cheng, no matter what you think of me, although I confess today, I don't intend to repent." "You should tell Shen Xiuwen this." He stopped laughing when he said this. I rushed out the door.Cheng Moyuan didn't send it out. When I walked out into the street, it was cold and windy, and cars drove past me.There are no empty taxis.I don't know which direction my home is in, I stroll along the street casually, my whole body is bone-chillingly cold. "Miss Zhu." Song Qiaoxi followed me in the car, "I'll take you home." I ignored him. "Please get in the car, you can't get a taxi here." I had no choice, I couldn't even move half a step. The heater in the car was fully turned on, I leaned on the seat, my heart was half bright and dark. "Mr. Cheng specially asked me to see you off." Song Qiaoxi said. I ridiculed him: "Why don't you use Rolls-Royce?" He glanced at me: "I'm afraid you have misunderstood Mr. Cheng." "I misunderstood?" Song Qiaoxi was silent for a while, and then he seemed to have made up his mind: "In my opinion, Mr. Cheng cares about you very much. He came back to China this time to handle Gu Chen's project in person. At first I didn't understand why, but these two days I seem to have found reason." I'll wait for him to go on. "Actually, I found many problems in the initial evaluation of Gu Chen's investment project. Your financial figures are not credible, let alone Mr. Cheng, even I can see it. When I typed the report, I thought Mr. Cheng would simply reject this project. His style has always been extremely tough. But the strange thing is that this time, not only did he not veto it, but he decided to come to Shanghai to intervene in person. All of us were surprised. Because once Mr. Cheng has not been in China for a long time. Secondly, due to his physical condition, the doctor strictly forbids him to travel long distances, but he actually made such a decision for a project that is not optimistic at all. Of course, we can only follow the boss’s decision But shortly after Mr. Cheng arrived in Shanghai, another special thing happened. This gave me a new view on Mr. Cheng's true intentions." Did they find out that Shen Xiuwen was following Cheng Moyuan?I clenched my fist involuntarily, but Cheng Moyuan didn't mention this just now. Song Qiaoxi stammered, "Well, there is a Mr. Jing Xueping..." If it weren't for the seat belt, I would definitely have jumped out of the chair. "Jing Xueping?" "I received an email signed by Jing Xueping. But I guess it is someone pretending to be his name. Because as far as I know, Jing Xueping has passed away more than a year ago." He stopped, intentionally waiting my reaction. "What did the email say?" "He said that Ji Chunmao was not missing, but was killed by Liang Hongzhi." I turned my head away, and my own face was reflected in the car window.I moved the corner of my mouth, the face on the window slowly deformed, Jing Xueping looked at me with a smile.Smiling contentedly... "Miss Zhu, is that true?" I turned around: "Did you ask me? How do I know." Song Qiaoxi didn't ask further: "At that time, my intuition was that I had to give up Gu Chen's project. The inside story is so complicated, and a murder case is involved, let alone true or false, the risk is too high, and it's not like we don't have better projects to invest in. But Mr. Cheng just didn't make decisions, and even hired a private detective. I was even wondering if he suddenly became interested in investigating cases? Until I saw the video this morning..." He sighed, "Gu Fenghua can be considered a successful person , it ended up like this in the end.” "Money is not a sin, greed is," I said.Thinking of Jian Lin, there are many more.I don't know if the loan of the river view mansion in the first row has been paid off. "I don't advocate calling the police, after all, we are just investors. Gu Chen has reached this point, the farther we can avoid it, the better. But I never expected that Mr. Cheng invited you." I murmured, "What did he ask me to do?" "Don't you know?" Song Qiaoxi smiled, "Then I don't even know." How can Cheng Moyuan be so kind.He arranged this tender dinner tonight because he wanted to get the truth out of my mouth.He must have recognized my name from Gu Chen's information, so he followed me here.He is brooding over the setbacks of ten years ago, and he came here to find out the reasons for his mistakes.It's not for Gu Chen's investment project.It's a pity that Gu Fenghua wanted to cheat Cheng's investment, so he lost his life in vain. Song Qiaoxi kept sending me downstairs. As I was saying goodbye, I remembered something. "Jonathan, you just mentioned that someone emailed you under the name of Jönköping?" "Yes, why?" "I guess that person may be Ji Chunmao's daughter." Song Qiaoxi frowned: "Does Ji Chunmao have a daughter?" "It should be an illegitimate daughter." I said, "I have only heard a few words from Jing Xueping. I don't know much about the details. It's just for reference." Song Qiaoxi nodded. "Thank you, then I'll take my leave." He added solemnly, "Mr. Cheng asked me to take care of you. If you need any help, you can contact him at any time." Cheng Moyuan is really a big shot, even such words have to be passed on to his subordinates.He can tell me in person, and he can send me off in person.He can even keep me.If he insists that I stay, I will.Our words are not finished.But he sent Song Qiaoxi to be the sounding board. I'm relieved, I'm weak only with Cheng Moyuan.Despite all fantasies about him, all self-deception, I'm still powerful.I have explained everything that needs to be explained tonight, and I can leave. As for Jing Xueping, he can't hurt me.I even got used to having his ghost by my side.He was like a fish stranded on the beach, often flopping a few times unwillingly and desperately, splashing a few drops of mud mixed with blood on my shoe.And I will definitely step over his fragmented body and never return. Speaking of which, Jing Xueping and I finally broke up because of Ji Chunmao's incident.After giving birth to Xiaoxuan, I was depressed for a long time, and the doctor diagnosed it as postpartum depression.I took antidepressants and had regular visits to a counselor, but nothing worked.Where is the cause, I have a clear mind, but I can't say it. Since I didn't care about my career, I used the excuse of taking care of the children at home, doing nothing all day long, and my clothes were disheveled.Ni Shuangxia came to the city from the countryside to visit her grandson. She couldn't understand my laziness, and every time I complained, I took the opportunity to have a big fight with her.The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law started an eternal war of women, and they fought happily every day.Jing Xueping was obsessed with his promises, and was splinted in the middle all day long.After all, Ni Shuangxia felt sorry for her son, and every time she surrendered first, she retreated back to her hometown with tears in her eyes.She must have told these stories of blood and tears to everyone she knew.My notoriety spread throughout the suburbs.But no matter how I abuse myself, Jing Xueping always indulges me.Be careful all the time and everywhere, no one can stand the look of humility, sometimes even I can't stand it.Although I don't love him, I always have a bad conscience, and I end up complaining more and more about him.Over time, this strong emotion solidified and became a unique pattern between me and him. We pulled each other like this for several years.Xiaoxuan is about to enter elementary school age, and I am determined to send him to the best school.For this, he had to spend money or rely on connections, neither of which Jing Xueping could do.In the past few years, I have not been to work seriously, and only rely on the finance I learned in college to help Shen Xiuwen and earn some pocket money.Jing Xue was content with her position as a teacher and supported the family with one person's income.We are not rich. Duoduo was born on the same day as Xiaoxuan, and his father Gu Fenghua set a degree for him a few years ago.I absolutely cannot accept that Xiaoxuan is worse than Dodo.Since I can't count on Jing Xueping, I plan to accept Gu Fenghua's invitation.He's been lobbying for me to join his company for his upcoming big expansion. Jing Xueping disagreed.He insisted that Gu Fenghua's company had a lot of problems, but I was unmoved.Thinking about it now, at that time I was really obsessed with ghosts, only the shares and money promised by Gu Fenghua, and the degree that I brought to Xiaoxuan after buying the Jiangjing house were all on my mind.In other words, I was looking for a thunderbolt for my useless and dull life. In the end, Jing Xueping compromised.He decided to resign from his teaching position and work for Gu Fenghua by himself.After hearing this letter, Ni Shuangxia made a special trip to Shanghai, crying and fussing as if the sky had fallen, but nothing helped.So she played the role of Mrs. Xianglin in the new era, crying to everyone she met: My son is bewitched, bewitched. Ji Chunmao and Liang Hongzhi are Jing Xueping's childhood playmates in the countryside.The two cooperated to develop the "Dream Keeper" game, but they didn't know how to market it.The start-up capital he collected has been exhausted, and Huilong is in trouble.At that time, Gu Fenghua was looking for potential projects all over the world, Jing Xueping recommended Huilong to him.He naively thought that this would be a good thing that would benefit all parties.It was really a busy time.I also hope that our family will turn around and step into the wealthy class one step at a time, so that we can stand shoulder to shoulder with Jian Lin.Until one day, Jing Xueping suddenly returned home in a daze.Said, Zhu Ran, I can no longer do Gu Fenghua's business. Something happened to Ji Chunmao.According to what Jing Xueping told me, because Gu Fenghua wanted to bargain, he recruited Ji and Liang at a loss, which unexpectedly caused internal strife between the two.In order to monopolize huge profits, Liang Hongzhi murdered Ji Chunmao.Jing Xueping was still reluctant to tell the details, but I still guessed a thing or two.Ji Chunmao vanished from the world, while Jing Xueping began to be haunted by nightmares every night, and his spirit quickly sank down. Zhu Ran, at that time he begged me to give up.We don't have to live in a river view room, and Xiaoxuan doesn't have to go to Noble Primary School.Our family has had a good life these years, why can't we continue to live like this? I can't promise.Now that you have come this far, how can you run away?Nothing will be gained by leaving now. But this is a bottomless black hole!Jing Xueping described it as bleak.He said Zhu Ran, if this continues, everything will be ruined. Then ruin it.I saw lightning flash across the dark sky.There is a trace of pleasure in my heart. I will always remember Jing Xueping's face when he laughed hollowly.Hehehe, Zhu Ran, you wanted to ruin all of this, didn't you? right. ... I thought that I would definitely not be able to sleep tonight. Who knew that as soon as I lay down, a heavy black curtain fell in my mind.Before I lost consciousness, I only had time to think of Cheng Moyuan's wine.A really good wine deserves a really good dream. I saw my mother in my dream.She is wearing a bright pink cheongsam and her hair is pulled high in a bun.Her face is covered in powder and her lips are painted orange-red, just like a Shanghai woman in the Republic of China.She is both beautiful and strange. But moms are moms.I rushed forward and hugged her, not wanting to let go. "Mom, Mom." I called her, "You are the one who forced me to marry Jing Xueping. Look now." "Why did I force you?" She stroked my hair like I was a child.She said, "Ran Ran, don't you remember? You chose Jing Xueping yourself." "Is it me? Why?" "Because he loves you." “可是现在他恨我。” “恨也是出于爱。” 我拼命摇头：“我不甘心，我怎么会嫁给这么一个懦弱的家伙。他爱我？他根本没有爱的能力。” 妈妈板起脸来：“燃燃，做人不能这么贪心。你要的是他的死心塌地，他做到了。你就不能再要求其他。” "But……" “可是你不爱他？” “不。”我大声宣布。 “那么应该羞愧的是你。就像你爸爸，到头来他也不敢见我。他才是真正的懦夫。” “爸爸？”我一回头，竟然看见爸爸。哈，久违了。 记不起来多久没看到过他。爸爸老了许多，头顶完全秃了，面颊松弛地耷拉下来，满面油光。 “燃燃，听说你结婚了，恭喜恭喜啊。”他双手捧过来一个红色的信封。我看也不看。 “妈妈死了，你来不来？” 爸爸讪讪地垂下头，像个做错了事准备挨骂的小学生。 “你到底来不来？”我大光其火。 “燃燃，你……不要逼我。” “我逼你？”我气得眼前金星乱冒。妈妈的死、我今天的处境，所有这一切的始作俑者就是他，他还作出一副无辜相。 我说：“不，你不必来了。我只想告诉你，妈妈到死也没有原谅你，而我恨你。我会恨你一辈子。” 爸爸点点头，神情茫然地像落在一个未知的星球上，所见所听的全是他无法理解的东西。他扭头走出几步，又停下来。转身对我说：“燃燃，我想来想去，我最大的错误就是没有早点离婚。那样的话，或者你妈妈还有机会，你也还有机会。” I stare.这个罪人，是他把我们的生活砸得粉碎，却全然无意忏悔。他怎可以活得这样自私，又自私得这样理所当然？ 我追上去，想抓住他好好理论一番。哪知扑了个空。明明已揪住衣角，他的轮廓却如石子投入的水中倒影，一圈一圈虚散至无形。 ……我从床上惊起，窗帘缝中已透进日光。天大亮了。 红妹做了非常丰盛的早餐，像要弥补前段时间的懈怠，表现太过积极，让我和小轩都很不习惯。但总归是欢喜的。我想着，最后这个月里事情太多，可以多仰赖她些。 把小轩送进学校，我就去办公室找赵宁年。赵老师第一节有课，不过还能跟我交谈几分钟。我告诉他最近比较忙，可能会让保姆红妹接送小轩。 “这段时间让赵老师操心了。”我真心实意地感谢他，“多亏有你关心小轩，他的精神状态恢复得很好。” “是我份内之事。”赵宁年的答话矜持，语气却是温和的。面对有几分姿色的女性，男人总会心软。他看起来已经不像之前那样敌意，对我的态度有明显改善。 我们并肩往校园外走去，初冬的太阳照在赵老师的头顶上，几束白发闪闪亮。怎么看赵宁年都才三十出头的年纪，真是早生华发。他应该是个好男人。 “赵老师结婚了吗？” “啊，是。”我突然问出私人话题，赵宁年猝不及防。 “有孩子了吗？” 赵宁年的脸微微泛红了，“刚满半岁。” “男孩还是女孩？” "daughter." “啊，小棉袄好啊。”我微笑，“女儿贴心。” “我倒更喜欢男孩子。”赵宁年说得很真诚，的确是个很好的男人。他的妻子蛮有福气。当然，这是我作为旁人的看法。当初我嫁给景雪平时，也有不少人说我好福气。毕竟景雪平是个地地道道的好人，即使到今天，我也无法否认这一点。 我说：“赵老师，我想给小轩换个环境，你看怎样？” 赵宁年意外，“换环境？怎么了，是学校有哪些做的不到位吗？”他有些发急。 “不不，不是学校的问题。你做得尤其很好。”我宽解他，像大姐对小弟。“赵老师，不知你是否觉得，我们所处的环境太压抑了。一个人要追求自己真正想过的生活，实在太不容易。年纪大的也就算了。像我半生已过，再有什么特别的要求，反显得为老不尊。可是我们的孩子，比如小轩，我真的不愿意他重蹈覆辙。所以我想给他创造一个最宽广的天地，在那里他能够为所欲为。” “没有人能够为所欲为。”赵宁年说得倒诚恳，并无嘲讽的意思。“只要置身于人类社会中，就必须学会适应和妥协。” “但仍然要敢于追求。” 他说：“追求的勇气并不来自环境，而是发自内心。对自己有信心，有自尊的人就会敢于追求。”他说得很有道理。但是道理不等于现实。 告别赵宁年，我在街边找了家早营业的咖啡馆坐下。要了一杯咖啡。看看手表，还没到九点钟。 是还得等。只是心进入不了等待的状态。反而有种大难临头的预感。手指冰冷，全身冰冷。我发现自己坐在了户外的座位上，寒风吹得头顶遮阳伞噼里啪啦响。落地玻璃橱窗里，有人在吃培根煎蛋的早餐，热气好像伸手就能抓住。只有我一个人孤单地坐在室外，与其他人分处两个世界。 想起妈妈手术时，我在手术室外等结果，也是和今天类似的心情。其实终局就摆在那里，早晚要与它面对面。 不是人在等结果，是时间把人送过去。跑不掉的，也回不了头。 九点到了。 又坚持了十分钟。我开始拨卢天敏的电话。无法接通。再拨，再拨，不停地拨。机械地、重复地做一件事，大脑并不指挥行动。实际上，我的心和脑都从身上抽离，跳脱在半空中悠悠盘旋。很慌张，又很平静。很恐惧，又很舒泰。 忽然觉得，人在濒死时的状态大致如此吧，真没什么可怕的。 卢天敏找不到了。我逐一试过所有的号码，均一无所获。再给自己的银行打电话，确认账户里的钱已经划走了。 我停止拨电话。所幸人是坐着的，全身四肢都已僵硬。我饮一口冰冷的咖啡，眼前渐渐有些模糊。朱燃，你并不是没有料到这一幕，对吗？ 我还剩一件事可以做。 我开始拨打卢天敏所在公司的电话。他没有告诉过我号码，但我在网上查到并保存下来。这是我第一次打到他公司去。 电话立刻就接通了。我问卢天敏。接线员小姐用柔美的声音回答，没有这样一个人。how is this possible?我突然暴怒起来，一叠连声地质问。对方吃不消了，把电话转给一位负责客户服务的经理。他耐心地听完我的抱怨，用职业的口吻向我解释说，他们公司确实从来没有一个叫卢天敏的员工。不论是本地，还是海外分部都未曾雇佣过这么一个人。 “小姐，或许你把公司名称搞错了？”经理客气地说。 我坚决否认，我还没患痴呆症呢。 经理先生唯唯诺诺。 我说我的钱，我的五百万转到你公司了。你们不能不承认啊！ 他更加为难地说，不可能的。公司所有来往户头都由财务经手，每一笔帐都有登记。小姐，你能把帐号和户名报给我吗？我再去找财务查查。 我心里有数，真的有数。只是，有些事情必须要做。就像跑马拉松最后的撞线，没有那一下，漫漫长路就不会到头。 我报出帐号和户名。 电话那头安静了片刻。然后，经理先生用微妙的语调说：“小姐，你所说的是一个私人账户。公司的款项往来必须使用公司帐号，这是规则，想必你也懂的。” yes.我怎么会不懂？ “小姐，小姐？”那头在说，“还有什么我可以帮忙的吗？” “不了，谢谢。” 我挂断电话，静了好一会儿。各种画面在眼前晃来晃去，全是卢天敏的笑脸。我也笑起来，止都止不住。直到系着黑围裙的招待俯身在我跟前。“小姐，你有什么事吗？”年轻男孩的脸都吓白了。 “没事。”我说，还是停不下笑。笑得泪花迸出眼角。 我站起来，笔直地朝前走。不妨街沿有个坡度，脚下一绊，便双膝跪倒下来。好几只手臂伸过来，把我拖起。陌生人的声音在耳边此起彼伏，我一一谢过，只想快些摆脱他们。 终于躲回到自己的车里。在这个封闭的小世界里，神气又定下来。心里并不是那么悲哀，只有惆怅。就像在最后一秒错失了末班车，独自一人看着车影消失的那种失落感——都走了，只抛下我。 还是想笑。卢天敏分明是个老练的骗子。但在我这个骗局的最后，他几乎是被我逼迫着完成的。他给了我多少暗示、露出多少破绽，哪怕是头猪也该警醒了吧。 我眼睁睁地奉上自己，让他做刀俎。 曾经问卢天敏是否爱我。如今想来，更应该问他是否恨我。良心折磨、自我怀疑——身为一个职业骗子的他肯定痛恨这些。而我都让他都经历了，所以他绝对恨死我了。 想到这里，我的心便没有那么痛不可挡了。呵，麻醉剂还挺有效。 还有什么可做的？Call the police?需要经过多少程序、等待和麻烦，才有可能找回我的五百万？更大的可能性是，人抓到了，钱没了。而我的事迹广为传播。离异的寂寞中年妇女被小白脸骗财骗色，多么香艳狗血的谈资。 脑子里冷不丁蹦出成墨缘的话——死，可以，但别死得太难看。 我把臂肘支在方向盘上，睡意一阵阵地涌上来。真累啊，太久都没有好好睡一觉。什么都不想了，我只求一场好睡，能睡到地老天荒才好。 我撑着最后一口气把车开回家。这个严格来说已经不属于我的家。进门，空无一人，红妹不知所踪。但打扫得窗明几净。我倒在客厅的长沙发上，连走回卧室的力气也没有了。 终于可以闭上眼睛。黑暗扑过来时，我满足地长吁口气。 睡得真香甜。 谁都没来打搅我。爸爸、妈妈、景雪平、卢天敏、沈秀雯，成墨缘。所有人都识相地躲得远远的，允我安眠——你们每一个人，终归都是爱我的，多多少少。right? 我被手机的嘶叫吵醒时，窗外已暮色暗沉。 “喂，是小轩妈妈吗？” “赵老师。”我坐起来。 “小轩到家了吗？” “小轩……”我茫然四顾，“没有。几点了？我是不是该去接……” “小轩被你家保姆接走了。”赵宁年的语气罕见地不安。 “红妹？几时？” “一个小时前！” 我呆住。从学校到家走路半小时，打车最多十分钟。 “他们没有回来……”嗓子干得冒烟。 赵宁年急道：“因为你早上恰好关照过，保姆来接小轩时我就放行了。可我总觉得那小保姆的神色有点怪，后来越回想越担心……” 手机掉到地上。我看见茶几上端端正正放着一张折起来的纸。我拿起来，展开。纸在我上抖个不停。 小学生样的幼稚字迹。“太太，红妹走了。红妹实在没办法，对不住您了。再见。” 天旋地转，我倒在沙发上。 赵宁年还在手机里喊叫。我木然地搁到耳边。 “小轩妈妈，你别急。我这就出发去找，学校里、周围，沿途到你家，我一路找过来。你要是能想起什么线索，立即打我电话。” 顿时又安静下来，我抱着双肩缩在沙发上。脑子里只有一个念头：小轩，我什么都可以不要，但我不能失去小轩。 谁也不能夺走我的小轩！ 我跳起来，抓起车钥匙奔出房门。我知道的，我知道去哪里找我的儿子。 车冲出小区大门时，正巧看到赵宁年。他认出了我的车子，朝这边奔过来。我猛踩油门，从他的面前呼啸而过。 一路上我什么都不想，只是疾驶，风驰电掣。 佳园小区。 就是这里，半新不旧的小区，半新不旧的公寓楼。我随便找个位置把车停好。太熟悉了，这里的一草一木、一砖一石。就算凭空来场大地震，我也能从满地废墟中找到方向。 我径直走向前方这栋六层楼的门厅。 我曾经在此生活好几年，小轩在这里出生长大。离婚时，我就是被景雪平从这里赶走的。已经有三年多未再回来。这里，便是我与景雪平曾经的家。 还没到晚饭时间，楼道里静悄悄、空荡荡的。我悄悄地拾级而上，像一个满怀期待的贼。三楼，靠右第一户。从里面飘出饭菜的香气。房门虚掩着，我推开门。 “是小轩吗？小轩来啦？”倪双霞叫唤着从里屋走出来。看见我，愣在当地。我也看着她。 我们俩人对峙了几秒钟。 突然我控制不住自己了。我扑上去，扯住倪双霞的衣服前襟，狂喊：“小轩在哪儿？你快说，小轩呢？！”我拼命摇晃倪双霞，像个疯子似地吼着，“死老太婆，你还我儿子，把小轩交出来！” 倪双霞说：“小轩不在……我……没……” “就是你！”我用出全身力气推她。 倪双霞踉跄地向后坐倒在地上。我喊：“是你要抢走小轩，你休想！我死也不会让你得逞的！” “这是报应。朱燃，我说过你早晚要遭报应的！你害死了我的儿子，你不得好死！”突然，倪双霞的咆哮中断了。她从地上爬起来，摇摇晃晃地朝门口跑，边跑边叫：“别进来，快走！小轩快跑！” 白色的人影在楼道里一闪而过。倪双霞夺门而出，跑到楼梯口。I followed closely.她还在叫：“走啊，快走啊！”忽然脚下踩空，我伸手去抓她的衣服却没抓着。倪双霞就在我眼前翻滚而下。重重地跌在下层楼梯平台上，一动不动了。 我呆在原地，俯瞰倪双霞的身体。她半蜷着，小小的，很像童话书里的老巫婆。在她的身旁，站着一个人。 白璐。 “她死了。”白璐仰起脸来，对我说。 我等她一步步走上来。 “都是你，对不对？”我说，“所有的事情，都是你做的。” She is silent. "why?" 她依旧沉默。 “是景雪平吗？他设下计划报复我，你替他执行。” "Whatever you want." “你们不会成功的。” “是吗？”她挥一挥手机，“刚才那一幕我都录下来了，你还是想想怎么为自己辩护吧。” “小轩在哪儿？”我只关心这个。 白璐倨傲地笑起来，“想知道吗？你来求我，我就告诉你。” 我扬起右手，用尽全力打她一个耳光。白璐的半边脸立刻肿起来。红色的血丝从唇边渗出，如一条蜿蜒爬行的红色蚯蚓。 “小轩！”我狂喊一声，失去了知觉。 ……铃声隐隐约约在耳边盘旋，好像一根细线牵拉神志。我在冰冷的水泥地上挪动身体。摸到手袋，从里面掏出手机。是小轩的号码！ 我瞬时情醒。 “小轩妈妈！”耳朵里传来的是赵宁年的声音，兴奋莫名，“我找到小轩了！” “在哪里？他怎么样？” “他没事，没事，就在我这里，在我身边。”赵宁年忙着解释，“噢是这样的。我一路没发现小轩，就赶回去学校再找。刚巧碰上一个工友，说有个孩子在学校的健身房里昏倒了，好像是我班上的。我赶紧奔过去，一看果然是小轩。这孩子当时已经醒过来了，就是迷迷糊糊的神智不清。我把他抱到学校医务室，校医检查说没大问题，应该是误服了某种麻醉剂，好在剂量不大，才一会儿功夫小轩就基本正常了……” “我要和小轩讲话，让我和小轩讲话。” “妈妈！”耳里涌进来小轩清朗朗的叫声，我的眼泪夺眶而出。真正是喜极而泣。 “妈妈，你在哪儿？” “你好吗宝贝？”我几乎泣不成声。 “好呀，妈妈，我没事！你来接我吗？我饿了呀。” 我冷静下来，让小轩把手机交给赵宁年。 “赵老师，谢谢你找到小轩。我……”有些话真难以启齿。 赵宁年不觉异常，满心欢喜地回答：“哪里，都是应该的。我送小轩回家吧，具体情况你再问他？” “赵老师，有件事要再麻烦你。今晚能不能让小轩住你家？” “我家？”赵宁年很意外，“小轩妈妈你？” “我有些急事要办，今天晚上不在上海。真的很不好意思，但我实在没其它人可以拜托。赵老师，请你无论如何帮帮忙。” 手机里有片刻安静，但我知道他会答应。虽然满腹狐疑，赵宁年还是会挺身而出，他是个难得的好青年。并且，他对我们母子有切实的同情。 “好的，没问题。不过你自己跟小轩说？” "That's natural." 我对小轩说妈妈临时要出差，今晚他只能暂住赵老师家。 “去老师家住啊？”小轩拖长了声音说，我都能看见他骨碌碌转动的黑眼珠。但是他马上就高兴起来，“好呀，赵老师可以单独辅导我作文了。” 我笑，“别太打扰老师，一定要乖，给妈妈挣面子。晚上十点必须睡觉。明天我再和你联系。” “是的妈妈！” 小轩安排好了。我长长地松了口气。 但没有时间多回味了。楼道下已有人出现，看到倪双霞的尸体，惊叫声骤起。各种喧哗，楼上、楼下，所有的门背后都冒出人来。顷刻乱作一团。 没人注意到我，我及时地退回到家里。 呵，再熟悉不过的地方。我关牢房门，像乌龟缩进壳里，竟有无法言传的安全感。这窗、这地、这桌椅，我一样样看过去。当初曾经那么憎恶，恨不得一把火烧干净的所有，今天看来只是亲切。 景雪平把一切维持原状，使我产生错觉，仿佛从没离开过。 这个地方敞开胸怀接纳我，好似在对我说：回来吧，回到家就安逸了，别再管外面春秋冬夏。yes.这是为我准备好的墓穴，我曾因害怕而逃跑过，并付出惨痛的代价。今天，我又自己回来了。 门外的吵嚷声越来越响，很快就会有人认出倪双霞，并且找到这户来。到时候我就插翅难飞了。必须赶快行动。 我去洗手间梳洗一番，重新化了妆，整理衣衫。所有我当初没来得及带走的东西，包括衣服、化妆品，甚至牙刷、内衣和香水都在原位，使用起来得心应手。景雪平实在周到。 镜中的我风霜尽显，但确乎是美的。我想，我从没这么美丽过。只有当幽灵返回生前的躯壳时，才会有这般瞬间的绝美。此时、此地，因缘际会，我会利用好这段回光反照的时光。 辛德瑞拉了解，平生她只有一次机会。 我打开房门，径直走下楼梯。倪双霞还躺在过道里，周围已经挤满了人。我从他们的身边经过，扬长而去。 但我仍然估计不足。 到会所的电梯里时