Chapter 27 Volume 7 If love also expires

From November of that year until June of the following year, I did not contact Chen Yang again. I have not been in touch with Zhao Qianqian.People's sense of halal is really strange.Some people get along for many years and forget when they say they forget; some people fall in love at first sight and never forget it for life.In the final analysis, it is still a matter of intention or not. I couldn't hold back my longing for her, so I applied for a small account and secretly went to her school, secretly followed her new Weibo, and hoped that she would update her daily life every day.After knowing that she played Douban, I also registered a Douban account.

Finding her Douban account was extremely difficult.I just happened to see her chatting with other friends on campus about a post on Douban, so I deliberately found that post and joined the group of that post.There were more than 10,000 people in that group.But fortunately, her friend used a real person's avatar and was very active, so she was found quickly.Unexpectedly, that person has more than a thousand friends and neighbors, and she is not among the people who use real photos as their profile pictures.I had no choice but to click on the remaining friends and neighbors one by one, like a treasure hunt from evening to midnight.

I was so sleepy that my eyes were blurry.Just when I wanted to give up, I finally saw her photo in Yi ID's album. Looking at the photo, I knew it was taken by Chen Yang.I added her with a tuba, watched all her broadcasts one by one, and read every diary she wrote over and over again.I never replied to her, but I read every message of her no less than dozens of times. One day she posted the Gibran poem in her diary and wrote, "Last night I had a dream I had. I dreamed that someone gave me flowers and told me he liked me. Suddenly I remembered him About sending me flowers and poems anonymously, if he had admitted that the flowers were sent by him and he liked me, I would have stayed with him regardless. It’s a pity that it’s too late to say anything now.”

Because of this diary, I cried all night, my eyes were swollen from crying, and I had to stay at home the next day and not see anyone. The speed of mobile phone replacement is really fast.The big mobile phones that could only make calls in the past began to gradually become petite. With the functions of sending text messages and playing games, candy bars, flips, and sliding screens have gone from popularity to decline.Then, touch-screen mobile phones developed from pen touches to hand touches, and their functions are getting closer and closer to computers. I often sit in the milk tea shop that Chen Yang and I used to go to, order a cup of milk tea, hamburgers, and French fries, and browse her information on my mobile phone while eating.Like her, I put a lot of ketchup on the French fries, no ice in the milk tea, and no peanuts in the roast jelly.

Chen Yang hated putting peanuts in the burnt grass jelly.Once the boss forgot and put it in.She dug them up for me one by one, and smiled while digging: "Come on, I'll make up your brain. You won't be so brain-dead after eating." At that time, she hurt me all the time, knowing each other and hurting each other.And I was naturally not polite: "You are so stupid! I can still make it up, but you don't even have to make it up." Time is not only a butcher's knife, it's like a dog's head.From the time when I talked about everything in the past to now, I often think that if I can still be like before, even if it makes me really stupid?

It's a pity that this world has never had ifs and ifs. There is a message wall in the milk tea shop, which is covered with post-it notes with various characters.In the past, Chen Yang and I always came here every now and then. Every time, she would excitedly write "I wish Dad a speedy recovery", "Happy birthday to Yang Jie", "Happy birthday to me", "Going to high school", "Going to college" "I'm so happy" and the like.The message wall has become her wish wall.Sometimes, I will write with her, the most I write is "dreams come true", and "together".

I dreamed of being with her and it came true. I remember when she was in the third year of high school, one Sunday, her parents were away, and she stayed at home alone.Chen Yang is actually very lazy, so lazy that he could just lie on the bed all day.She said she was Sleeping Beauty, I said she was a reincarnated sloth. At three or four o'clock that afternoon, she called me and asked me to deliver food to her.I went into the milk tea shop to buy her a milk tea burger. I was bored waiting, so I read the message on the wall. Seeing those simple and touching words written by others, I was a little excited, so I couldn't help but also wrote a "I like you" and marked "Yang" and "Jie" on the paper.Because of embarrassment, I specially wrote a "slacker" as a cover.

When paying, the boss asked me: "Where is the girl who is with you often? Why didn't you come today?" I smiled and replied: "I'm sleeping late at home." At that time, my heart was full of happiness.Not because she belongs to me, but because she needs me.Even though Zhao Qianqian was already my girlfriend at that time, she and I were so pure that we had never even held hands. After three years, the owner of the milk tea shop changed his partner, and the love between Zhao Qianqian and I ended completely.The owner of the milk tea shop asked me as before: "Where is that girl? It's been a long time."

I was obviously very nervous, but I could only pretend to be relaxed: "She's been a little busy recently." I remember exactly where that post-it was.Not only this one, Chen Yang and I remember the positions of all the post-it notes we posted.I found them, rewrote "Missing You" after a little remembrance Replace the "I like you" card. This time I didn't mark the name again, because I wanted to hide it, instead of letting Chen Yang find it and let her write on the back: "I love you too." Love is sometimes more desperate than heartlessness. I often think back to the past.

When it rained, we shared an umbrella; without an umbrella, we walked in the rain and competed to step on the stagnant water in the pit.We kicked cans on the ground like football. Once a man bought a cigarette and accidentally dropped it, and we kicked it away. I think of the daydreams we used to have together.She said that she wanted to be a female pilot the most, so that she could travel around the world for free and eat all kinds of delicious food. Maybe she could write "Diary of a Female Pilot" or "The Days of Living with a Female Pilot", which became very popular.I said that I want to be the captain most of all, to dig treasures all over the world, build a museum, and collect tickets every day.We hit it off and talked about how we could implement the plan.

"You must learn English well, and it is best to learn all the dialects of Spanish and Arabic." She summed it up at the time.I laughed at her for being stumped by her English alone, and she would fail every time.She said: "Isn't there still you? Yang Jie, you have to study hard and be my interpreter then." I have studied hard, besides learning English well, I have also taught myself Arabic, but what is the use of this?She is no longer with me. The wind blows, the leaves fall, I always think of what she said: "Do you think the leaves' departure is the pursuit of the wind or the tree's refusal to retain?" It's like a proverb, but her departure is not pursued by others, nor is it my refusal to retain , but because of my cowardice and stupidity. Snowing.I was wearing the scarf she wove, sitting on the roof alone watching the snow, and making snowmen with snowballs.I remembered that she and I used to watch the snow like this. We also went to the West Lake to see the snow on the broken bridge.The pure white snow and the boundless people, although they lost the beautiful artistic conception in the ancient poems, they looked extraordinarily beautiful because of her company. She told me stories her mother told her.She said that in the past, it was not snow but flour that fell from the sky, and the wheat was covered with ears from tip to leaf.One day, the Queen Mother went down to earth and became a beggar old woman begging for food from people. As a result, people would rather wipe the children's buttocks and feed the pigs than give the Queen Mother food.The queen mother was angry, so she stopped the flour from falling and changed it to snow, and she smoothed out the wheat ears until there was only one ear left. "That's why you must not refuse people who beg for food." She said, taking advantage of my unpreparedness, she ate the Xiaolongbao in my hand and mischievously found a reason. I still fold a heart every day. The original glass jar was already full.I switched to a bigger one, another bigger one, and another even bigger one.The hearts made of paper accumulate more and more, but my own heart is empty and has nowhere to go. I have learned magic for a long time, and I will play it twice when I am bored. I remember the first time I performed the empty-handed silk scarf for Chen Yang, she accidentally let her see the props on her fingers.The second time I performed Fire Turns into Roses, I accidentally got burned again. Chen Yang joked that I was Chaplin in the magic world.I found that Chen Yang prefers to watch me make mistakes rather than doing magic tricks, so I often make mistakes on purpose to make her happy. Now that I'm getting better at my magic tricks, she no longer laughs at me or praises me. Sometimes I drive around.I like going to the beach the most, sitting on the soft sand, blowing the sea breeze, and watching the boundless sea. In fact, I already knew how to drive a few years before I got my driver's license.The day I got my driver's license happened to be the second day after the military training ended.I took her to the beach. In fact, Zhao Qianqian went with us that day, but she was very afraid of getting sunburned, so she sat under the umbrella and showed us our luggage. Chen Yang and I played together. Chen Yang wore a red one-piece swimsuit that day.To be honest, her figure is not particularly good.The chest is not big, the belly is a little small, and the calves are a little thick.But Xi Shi is in the eye of the beholder, I think she is youthful and sexy. Who of us held our breath for a long time in the competition.Chen Yang couldn't swim, and he still couldn't do it after learning for a long time, so he sat on the swimming ring and asked me to swim and drag him into the sea.The two of us drove a motorboat, and she was driving too fast, and the person in charge always said that.But she quickly forgot and couldn't stop. I was buried in sand by her.She fed me with food, full of enthusiasm.The two of us also climbed the mountain.When going up the mountain, she insisted on carrying me on her back, but after a few steps, she was so exhausted that she sat on the ground and couldn't stand up. "Yang Jie, you need to lose weight." "It's because you are too weak." "Nonsense! I can open your eyelids while you're asleep, can you?" "Okay, you won." "Is there any reward for winning?" "No." "unfair." "Okay, I'll treat you to a barbecue later." "I want to eat hot pot." "Okay, okay! Everything is up to you." "You're old, I'm in full bloom now." "Okay, okay! You are old, graceful and charming." "roll!" "Hahaha, get out, get out!" "Yang Jie, wait for me! Wait for me!" ... I laughed and laughed all the way with her, not in good shape.Zhao Qianqian on the beach has long been forgotten by us. After going down the mountain, I will carry her on my back again.Carrying her on my back, I finally realized what a "sweet burden" is.I was thinking all over my head, it would be great if I could carry her like this for the rest of my life. The sunset is so beautiful that we sang "Song of the Sunset" together. "The setting sun is infinite / Reluctantly only a breath of brilliance / With the clouds fading away / The lost brilliance will never return / The late years / I can't bear the changes of this life / Like floating clouds gathering and dispersing / Tangling the tired face of vicissitudes / The long road / Suddenly I feel that the time is fading/Joy is always short-lived and never returns/Which one can see that my dreams are plain/How many storms I have encountered/Weaving my intertwined dreams/I have met your sincere arms/Accompany me through adversity/Running in the center of despair Pale / The road is full of twists and turns / One day I think about going back but it’s too late / Ah / I’m born lonely and my heart is dark / The road is windy and frosty, crying and laughing again / One day I think / I think about going back but it’s too late..." Singing and singing, the two of us started talking about it again. "Chen Yang, I guess you weigh ninety-three catties now." "Ha! Wrong, one hundred and two. How about it, can't you see it?" "I've seen it a long time ago. Would you tell the truth if I don't compliment you?" "roll!" "Then I'm really gone? I left you alone in this deep mountain and old forest." "roll!" "Are you letting me go or not?" "you guess!" "I can't guess." "Ha, that's right." She said with a smile, "I just won't let you know, so I can only be anxious." "..." I was speechless, "You won." I carried her down the mountain, and the two went to a hot pot restaurant to eat hot pot.Halfway through eating, I suddenly realized that we had forgotten about Zhao Qianqian.I had to go back and pick her up.After dinner, the three of us went to karaoke together again.I had a broken gong, Chen Yang hummed like a mosquito, only Zhao Qianqian sang the best. In the middle, we each chose a song to see how many points the scoring software gave us.Zhao Qianqian is 95, I am 67, and Chen Yang is 63.Zhao Qianqian said with a smile that Chen Yang and I are CPs in the music scene. I responded with a sense of acknowledgment: "That is." In fact, I have been thinking in my heart: It would be great if it was a real CP. Now that I think about it, it should be that day.After that day, Chen Yang gradually alienated me. Every time Zhao Qianqian came to see me, she would find various reasons to escape. I think it should be caused by what Zhao Qianqian told her.What exactly Zhao Qianqian said is now an unsolved case in my heart. The dorm boss is in love again.A few days ago, he was still crying because of being dumped by his girlfriend, drank a lot of wine, and said "women don't have a good thing".Within a few days, he had a new goal, and immediately became lively, as if he wasn't the one who lost love. I said: "Since women don't have a good thing, why are you still in love?" He smoked a cigarette and grinned: "Women are not bad and men don't love them." When my boss is on a date, he often asks me to go with him.I know being a light bulb is not good, but being alone is really boring, and I can't stand persuasion, so I always follow behind with a stern face. I can't see my boss laughing and playing with his girlfriend like a young child. Apart from envy, he feels lonely.I remembered that when Zhao Qianqian and I were in a relationship, Chen Yang always made excuses to get out of the way. Was she as lonely then as I am now?So she always fell in love non-stop, and fell in love many times to relieve the loneliness in her heart.But I thought she and I were the King Xiang Youmeng Goddess Wuxin, and I didn't have the courage to confess. When my boss was dating his girlfriend, I was basically alone.They went to the concert, and I went to the exhibition hall.They went into the haunted house, and I went to play balloons.They watched the circus, and I went to the buffet.They ride the roller coaster, and I ride the bumper car.They took the pirate ship, and I went to ride the Ferris wheel. Fourteen years is too long. When I look back, I find that we have done too many things like lovers, so that this city is full of our imprints. I remember how miserable she was when she had to challenge bungee jumping on her 18th birthday, her happy expression every time she played with bumper cars, her sudden smile when she saw me holding up an umbrella under the bus stop sign, and the way she grabbed a doll Serious and excited eyes. Parks, playgrounds, libraries, supermarkets, bus stations, subway stations, cinemas... I am like Kuafu chasing the light and shadow of the past. I took photos of some scenes and looked through them when I was bored as a memory.If I didn't take pictures, I would start over like reviewing my homework.It's just that without her, my heart is ashamed, and I can no longer feel the excitement and happiness I once had.Even during bungee jumping, I actually thought in my mind: "It would be great if the rope broke." Although it was a momentary thought, it showed how bad my mood was. Chen Yang sometimes shares music and books or movies and TV dramas he has read on Weibo, and I will listen to them and watch them. There used to be me and her wearing the same pair of headphones, sitting or lying next to each other and sharing the same song.Facing the books or film and television dramas I like, we always discuss the plots with each other, and discuss the characters we like and hate.We complained about the bad endings of "Dragon Ball" and "Death Note". She said: "If I were a mermaid, I would definitely stab the prince. I will not sacrifice everything, even my own life and self-esteem, for someone who doesn't love me!" Chen Yang once said that what she wants most is Doraemon's Any Door, so that she can go wherever she wants.Her favorite character is Scarlett in the movie. Although she is very realistic and utilitarian, she is smart, brave and assertive.It was a quality she wished she had. I laughed at her at the time: "So, are you calling yourself stupid, cowardly, and uninitiated?" "At least I have an upward heart." She said with a nonchalant smile, "Acquaintance produces contempt, and I don't care if you can see my beautiful soul." I flicked her forehead: "It's so stinky." Occasionally, we disagree.When we got into a heated argument, we often couldn't resist "fighting"—not really fighting, but tickling each other, grabbing each other's snacks, and playing.In the end, the two often laughed together. But now, I can only be alone, there is no one to share with, and the feeling of loneliness always hits me in waves. In addition to the new movies, I started to review the movies and TV series I saved with Chen Yang.It's strange, but Chen Yang's favorites are actually "The True Colors of a Hero", "Hey Blood and Two Heroes" and "God of Gamblers", which are all love movies.In fact, it is not difficult to understand if you think about it carefully, the character played by Fa Ge is so handsome, no wonder she likes it. As a fan of Fa Ge, Chen Yang not only copied all the lines in a notebook, learned shuffling skills, but also imitated Xiao Ma's classic action of lighting a cigarette with money.I think it's something boys do, but she can do it. She was only eleven years old at the time, with a cigarette dangling from her mouth, and she clumsily lit the counterfeit 50 cents, coughing and crying, but asked me, "Yang Jie, do you think I'm handsome?" "Cricket's cricket!" I took the sunglasses and put them on, imitating the example, "Little girl, this is how handsome you are?" The theory instilled by adults that children should not smoke was thrown out of the sky by us, and of course the final result was criticism from parents.Before the incident, I imitated Brother Hao's lines, and said boldly to Chen Yang: "You go first. I still have something to do, and I will meet you." "Then I'm leaving." Chen Yang narrowed his eyes and smiled, bouncing away from my house. I was trying to pretend to be a tough guy.But when my mother smelled the smoke and grabbed my ears with her fingers, I was immediately frightened: "Mom, I won't dare again." With my stubborn and bunny personality, I have reached the age of weak crown before I know it. No matter how much I smoke now, no matter how much I smoke, even if my mother sees me burning a fake banknote as paper, all I get in return is a light sentence: "Too much smoking is not good for your health." Everyone has changed. I suddenly discovered that Brother Hao in "The True Colors of a Hero 1" became Huang Ama in "Brother Huanzhu 3" and found that Di Lon, who played Brother Hao, was a handsome guy when he was young.I found that Fa Ge was also starting to age.I found that although I was attracted by the exciting plot, I was more obsessed with studying how small a bullet is from a pistol.I used to be a bit disgusted with falling in love, but now I have a kind of enthusiasm for love action movies from the bottom of my heart. "I have been waiting for three years, just to wait for an opportunity. I want to fight for my breath. I don't want to prove that I am great. I just want to tell people that what I lost must be taken back." Brother Xiaoma waited for three years but ended up dead.I don't know how long I can wait until Chen Yang returns to me.Can't be a couple, just be friends, even nodding acquaintances.Unfortunately…… When I couldn't bear to miss her, I would wander around the door of the student union office or downstairs of her dormitory for a while, and then leave. The auditorium is also a place I often go to.It's just that since she broke up with Chen Yang, she has never appeared in public again.She was afraid that I would see her, and that I would get in touch with her to the point of disappearing.I couldn't see her performance, so I could only hide in the corner and watch other people's performances like a thief, like an obsessive maniac, imagining those people as Chen Yang on the stage. Sometimes I would stand far downstairs from her house to see the lights in her room and her moving figure.The difference is that I used to be able to go upstairs and enter her room, but now, I can only look at each other from a distance. Once I was lucky and saw her go downstairs to throw out the trash.She was wearing pajamas and slippers, and her smooth forehead seemed to be shining.I wish I could rush over to say hello to her like a moth to a flame, but I held back.Because I think I should give her the choice, and I should wait patiently for her forgiveness. I silently watched her throw away the trash, silently watched her walk towards the swing frame we used to sit on, silently watched her sit on the swing frame and swing, silently watched her sit on the swing motionless in a daze . At that moment, I was in tears, and I felt like I felt her heart.I felt that she was as lonely as I was, as lonely. The boss broke up with his girlfriend again.The main reason for the breakup was because of me.The boss said that the woman thought I looked very deep and connotative, so she fell in love with me. The boss was very dissatisfied, and got drunk and said: "Yeah, you lost love just once and lost the meaning. I have broken love more times than you, and I have more meaning than you. I really have no vision." I could only helplessly smile bitterly while accompanying the drink: "This world depends on the face." "Bullshit!" The boss punched me. As I said before, I did not contact Chen Yang from November of that year to June of the following year, including my birthday, she did not attend, not even a congratulatory text message. For more than ten years, I have been used to having her participate in every birthday and having her blessing every year.My heart almost broke when I found out that she was determined not to celebrate my birthday again. Just like a person with obsessive-compulsive disorder, although there are apples around him, but because he likes to eat pears, he will always think about it, get entangled, and become very unhappy. After many calls, in the evening, I finally received a courier.I thought she was the one who gave it away, and thought it was a turning point, a proof that the relationship between me and her had eased, and I was so happy that I even cried in front of everyone.Normally, I would never do this. Everyone coaxed me to take it apart.I opened it and found that it contained smoking cessation stickers. In fact, at that moment, I saw that the things were not from her, because only those close to me knew that I smoked a lot recently.But I couldn't help but imagine: "What if she gave it to me? What if she learned from others that I smoked a lot recently?" I wished I could rush up to her and ask her, "Did you forgive me? Did you let go of everything?" But I never had the courage, I was afraid that my hot face would stick to my cold butt, and the bamboo basket would be empty. However, it will be her birthday soon.I want to take this opportunity to surprise her, maybe she will consider forgiving me. Because her birthday is in early July, close to the school holiday.Although I agreed not to contact her before, but before her birthday, I was still eager to do something. I deliberately rented her favorite Rilakkuma doll costume one day in advance, bought 99 hydrogen balloons one day in advance, and wrote "Happy Birthday" on each balloon with oil-based pens with three roommates in the dormitory. On her birthday, it was thirty-six-seven degrees Celsius, and the sun was shining brightly, like a fire, and she would sweat profusely even if she was outside in a T-shirt for less than five minutes.But I just stood in the downstairs of her dormitory with a balloon in a thick Rilakkuma suit for a whole day. The holiday is approaching, and there are many parents and students in the school. People coming and going will stop and watch for a while. Some people take pictures with their mobile phones, and even come to take pictures with me.Some girls said excitedly: "It's so romantic." Because I wear a mask, no one knows who I am or who I am blessing. But I know that if she saw it, or someone mentioned it to her, she would know that the bear was me.I don't expect her to be moved, as long as she can see or know it is enough. I stood downstairs in her dormitory for a whole day, from six in the morning to ten in the evening.The sun rises and sets, the moon is dark and the stars are thin.It begins lonely and ends lonely. I comforted myself with the lines that Fa Ge once said: "Actually, loving someone does not mean staying with her forever. I like flowers, why don't you pick them off and let me smell them; I like the wind, don't you let the wind stop; I like flowers Cloud, do you just let the cloud cover me; I like the sea, do I just jump into the sea?" Although lost but also relieved.Because I can finally be patient and continue to wait, instead of tossing and turning in infinite fantasies.