Chapter 24 Chapter Twenty-Three

In the days that followed, I lived like a walking corpse every day, living in a muddle. In fact, people really need a belief and a motivation to let themselves fight hard.But I don't have it, or I have it but have lost it. I was like a dead ball, playing games and watching movies in the dormitory all day long, unwilling to go to class, unwilling to go out, and even my roommate brought my meals back for me.I didn't bother to answer Zhao Qianqian's phone call, and ignored the counselor's advice.In the end, it was Chen Yang who came forward in person, and I was willing to resume class step by step.

At that time, Chen Yang hadn't contacted me for more than two weeks. Every time I called her, I always heard her coldly say "eating", "reading", "walking", etc., without waiting for me After finishing speaking, he hung up the phone in the name of "bye in advance". I think she is really going to let me go, so when she broke into my dormitory, she stood behind me domineeringly like a first wife who caught a rape, took off my earphones, and taught me righteously, "Yang Jie, you are enough!" Are you done?" At that time, I was so happy that I almost burst into tears.

Is that enough?Is that enough?Is that enough?I'm repeating the phrase in my head.I don't know if I am enough, I only know that I am both happy and unhappy now.The happy thing is that she came to me, but the sad thing is that she will leave eventually. Happiness and unhappiness intertwine, as inextricably linked as conjoined twins. Because I was afraid that she would see it, I didn't look back. Chen Yang acted like an elder and taught me a lesson: "Yang Jie, go back to class for me, do you hear me?" I really wanted to pretend I didn't hear it, so I could hear her voice again.But she roared like a lion in the east of the river, and her actions were rude, I couldn't pretend even if I wanted to.

I let out a soft "oh". Chen Yang stood behind me and stared at me.Her face was a little cold, completely different from the usual giggles: "Yang Jie, it's the first time I've discovered that you are so fragile, and you can't bear the slightest blow. I'm so glad I didn't choose to be with you." I know she is using provocative methods to provoke me.But her frosty expression froze my heart.I deliberately pretended not to care: "You're not vulnerable, are you just with me?" Chen Yang was speechless. Actually, come to think of it, I've always been vulnerable.Afraid of failing to confess and not being able to be friends, afraid of her staying away, afraid of this and that, afraid of coming and going, she really stayed away from me in the end.

Chen Yang's cell phone rang.I hid the jealousy and sadness in my heart, and pressed the keyboard to continue playing the game: "Is it Fan Junshan? You go back first, don't make people wait." Chen Yang ignored me and answered the phone directly.I heard her talking and laughing with Fan Junshan on the phone, and heard her say to me in a very indifferent voice: "Yang Jie, just do it, I don't care about you." All the roommates took the initiative to leave, and she and I were the only two left in the dormitory.I restrained myself and said in a calm voice as much as possible: "Then just leave it alone."

"That's what you said—" Chen Yang roared angrily, "I won't care whether you live or die from now on!" Chen Yang slammed the door and came out, the door slammed and made a loud noise that shook the windows and made my heart tremble.She never talked to me like this before, but now she is like an impatient parent who thinks of rude criticism instead of patient guidance for children's mistakes. She really changed, and I didn't know her anymore.Can't talk about love, even friendship is in jeopardy. I don't think I can go on like this.If this goes on like this, I really can't even be friends anymore.

After some struggles, I decided to go back to class. When I stepped into the classroom, my three roommates applauded me enthusiastically, and Chen Yang also looked back at me.Although it was as short as two or three seconds, my heart was still as warm as the sun, and it was so warm that I almost shed tears. "Love is short, but friendship is long." I was full of these words.In addition to roommates, more to Chen Yang.Although I was extremely reluctant, it was better than losing it all. In class, I sent a text message to Chen Yang: "Can we still be friends?" She didn't reply until after class: "Yes."

"Love is short, but friendship lasts forever." I thought to myself again and again, "But why can't you have your cake and eat it too?" Blame myself for being too cowardly and incompetent. The days passed.Soon it was the end of the term, and after the exams were muddle-headed, the summer vacation began. I have very little contact with Chen Yang.I said that friendship lasts forever, but in fact, I really don't know how to face her.She may be busy taking the TOEFL test, or she may be busy with Fan Junshan's relationship, and she has no time to contact me. As for Zhao Qianqian.Sorry, I almost forgot about her.

To be honest, since I scolded her after that meal, I feel that she and I are no longer like a couple.It's not that I hate her anymore, but that I don't want to see her, and I don't have the face to face her. I can only plunge myself into the sand like an ostrich to escape from all this. My relationship with her has long been in name only.In fact, I have already noticed that as my attitude becomes more and more indifferent, the number of times she contacts me is also decreasing.But I don't care, for me, Zhao Qianqian is the source of trouble, of course, the farther away from trouble, the better.

Every day I stay at home and watch TV bored, or play endless games over and over again.My dad called me like a worm for that.It's strange, usually I'm a little afraid of him, or the person I'm most afraid of is him, but now I don't care what he says. After the summer vacation, it was time to start school again. There were more and more academic classes, and the days when we could see Chen Yang became less and less.Everything is flat, and I can't look at anything interesting. Campus life is all kinds of wonderful things to others, but to me it is just a haze, and I can't see any future.

Until one day, Zhao Qianqian called and asked me to have dinner, and I went reluctantly.I put my hands in my trouser pockets and sat listlessly opposite Zhao Qianqian. I didn't talk to her or look at her. I just wanted to finish eating and go home. Zhao Qianqian didn't order, but looked at me for a while, and said directly: "Let's break up." Zhao Qianqian finally said what I had been waiting for for a long time, but I was not surprised at all, and my heart was unprecedentedly peaceful.Others say that the heart is like still water, which is probably what I am now. "I've had enough, don't you think you don't like me?" Zhao Qianqian's eyes were red, but her lips were pursed, and she still had her usual ladylike smile on her face.She has her pride, her love makes her tolerate me blindly regardless of everything, but her pride does not allow her to be embarrassed at this moment. She smiled brighter and brighter: "Oh, it should be said that you never liked me at all. In fact, I always knew that you didn't like me, but I always thought that maybe one day you would see my goodness and like me Have you done it? But until today, you still haven’t, so I choose to give up.” I bowed my head and remained silent.The air seemed to condense, and I don't know how long it took before I said lightly: "I'm sorry, thank you." "You're a good girl, I'm not good enough for you." I flipped through the menu, trying to break the depression in a lighthearted tone, "Come on, let's have a breakup meal, order whatever you want." "Yang Jie, are you very happy now?" Zhao Qianqian bit her lip, suppressing her emotions, "Before you have been lying to me, but now you are so happy that you don't even bother to lie to me." My mood is mixed.I know it's all my fault, I wasted her Zhao Qianqian's youth, I failed her love, I'm like a pig and a dog. Finally, I sighed and told the lie that breakup couples love to tell: "Hopefully we'll still be friends someday." "Yes!" Zhao Qianqian stood up with a sigh of relief, the smile on her face was wider, her eyes were red, but she was staring at me, "It will be the year of the monkey! When I figure it out, I don't hate you anymore, I will definitely Contact you again!" Zhao Qianqian took the bag and left without any hesitation, her back was straight and elegant. I knew I was missing a good girl, a good girl who loved me so much.Do you regret it?I have no idea.I only know that if we stay together forever, I will definitely regret it for the rest of my life. Are we breaking up peacefully like this?There is no indifference, nor nonsense.I wondered again, if I broke up with Zhao Qianqian peacefully, Chen Yang wouldn't mind it?Will it come back to me? I stayed and ordered a table of dishes.It's very rich, but I can't eat it anymore. Last night's all-night broadcast made me so sleepy that I packed up my meals and took them home. I lay on the bed and began to repeat the matter of Zhong Kao breaking up with Zhao Qianqian.Thinking about it, I fell asleep. Early the next morning, I was woken up by the ringing of my phone, it was Chen Yang calling.I was very pleasantly surprised, but thinking of not contacting me for so long, I contacted me just after breaking up with Zhao Qianqian, it must be for breaking up. But I'm still very happy, because she is finally willing to find me.On the phone, her tone was calm: "I finish class at five o'clock, let's go to eat after class." "Okay." I readily agreed. I jumped out of bed, took a shower, brushed my teeth and shaved, and dug out the new clothes my mother bought for me from the closet.The meeting with Fan Junshan last time caused great mental trauma to me. I knew I couldn't beat him, but at least I couldn't lose too badly. I was as nervous as if I had never seen her before.We went to a small restaurant, and the dishes were served very slowly, and Chen Yang kept silent, the atmosphere was very awkward.In order to alleviate this embarrassment, I found a topic: "I broke up with Qianqian." I thought Chen Yang would respond, not surprised or surprised, at least he would frown.But she was unexpectedly calm, terrifyingly calm, a kind of detachment from the outside world. She said without any emotion on her face, "Qianqian told me that you ruined her life. She told me that she hates you, and she hates me." I suddenly seemed to be choked by something, and the many words I had prepared before were all choked in my throat, and I couldn't say a word. I thought of Fan Junshan, that night, her indifference before, the dispute over Zhao Qianqian, and all the good things in the past.I think of the day I promised to date Zhao Qianqian, the day I slept with Zhao Qianqian for the first time, and the day I broke up with Zhao Qianqian yesterday. All the scenes are vivid, as if they just happened. I was going to say, "Shall we start over?" I originally wanted to say: "I can also go abroad with you." I originally wanted to say: "You know what? I love you a thousand times, ten thousand times more than Fan Junshan." There are really too many things I want to say. I have prepared these words for a long time, and they have been pressing in my heart.I thought I could pour out everything after we broke up, but she said "you ruined her life" and I couldn't say anything. I didn't ask her what else Zhao Qianqian said to her.I don't want to hear words such as "you are a beast" and "scum" from her mouth. Anyone can scold me like this, but coming from her mouth will make me feel worse than death. However, Chen Yang didn't say anything.No accusations, no complaints, she seemed indifferent to my affairs.I felt like a gulf had been drawn between me and her, a gulf wider than the Pacific Ocean.I can't beat my wings. The cowardice in my bones made me look forward and backward.After thinking about it, I decided to try to take a step forward: "You... don't you want to say something?" I lowered my head and supported the cup, not daring to look at her. "There is nothing to say." Chen Yang was extremely indifferent, and the cold light in his eyes seemed to freeze people, "Qianqian took all the things you gave her to my house, you can go to my house to get them later. You gave her Things, she said she didn't want them anymore, you can keep them for yourself." I said "Oh" and stopped talking. The meal was very silent, we didn't mention Zhao Qianqian, nor the future, not even the irrelevant words like "this steak is salty" and "that soup is so bland".Before this, we have never been like this, we always have endless things to say. After this dreadful supper, more dreadful things followed.Maybe it was because she was busy, or maybe she was avoiding me deliberately, I think she started to care less and less about me, and she treated our relationship coldly. When I send text messages and QQ messages to her, it takes a long time for her to reply, and sometimes she doesn't reply at all.I ask her to play with her and ask her to review her homework, but she always has an excuse to shirk. I don't know why, and I don't want to know why.I am getting more and more afraid that she will fade out of my life, no, it should be that I am afraid that she wants me to fade out of her life.