Chapter 23 Chapter 22 Abrupt Love

The next day, I cleaned myself up carefully and sprayed on cologne.I don't want to be compared, or lose beautifully.I have to mention that Zhao Qianqian's taste is really good.At her suggestion, I cleaned up like a dog. I went to the restaurant first, and when I was waiting for the elevator, several girls looked at me and smiled, looking like nympho, and some even came forward to ask for a QQ number to date. At that moment, I was confident and humble.Confidence is that someone likes me; low self-esteem is that the person I like would rather choose others than me. Zhao Qianqian came, and so did Chen Yang and her new boyfriend.

Chen Yang's boyfriend drove a white Regal and parked on the side of the road. He got out of the car first, and then went around to the right to open the door for Chen Yang.Chen Yang smiled at him, put his hand on his bent right arm, helped him get out of the car, and walked into the main entrance together. The man was wearing a purple striped polo shirt, khaki slacks, and white shoes.Chen Yang also wore a purple dress with silver stiletto heels and a handcuffed white bag.Seeing them talking and laughing and walking over with happiness on their faces, I became confused.I couldn't tell whether she was trying to fulfill Zhao Qianqian and me, or if she really fell in love with the man in front of me.

I always thought I knew her, but at this moment, I realized that I didn't really know her. "This is Fan Junshan, we met in TOEFL class." When Chen Yang introduced the men around her to me and Zhao Qianqian, I paid special attention to their status.Their arms were hooked together, their fingers interlocked. This is a very sweet gesture.I was very sour, and I really wanted to change places with Fan Junshan, and I would be next to Chen Yang, clasping fingers with her. I asked jealously: "When did you apply for the TOEFL? Why didn't I know? Are you planning to go abroad?"

Chen Yang gave me a white look: "I knew you were going to make a big fuss. Do I need to ask you for instructions if I want to stay or not to study abroad?" I was completely confused, and I saw that Chen Yang was definitely not joking, she was serious.I began to not understand the meaning of that night, was it really just a dream I had that night? I began to doubt my memory.If it's a dream, why is it so real, bit by bit is engraved in my heart like an inscription. But she decided on her future direction so quickly, found a new boyfriend, and was planning to go abroad.She will have a future without me, and I will be buried as part of her memory.

I feel bad, but I can't express my sadness.I went into the elevator and went upstairs, ordered food, and I ate and drank sullenly, listening to Chen Yang talking about the interesting things between the two of them and between us, occasionally interjecting a sentence or two.Zhao Qianqian listened with interest and added a few words from time to time. Throughout the dinner, Chen Yang showed happiness and pride. Fan Junshan is different from the "boyfriends" Chen Yang had dated before. If Huang Feng is a scumbag, then Fan Junshan is undoubtedly an easy-going and cheerful gentleman. There is less hostility, more sincerity and confidence.

I have to admit that she matches Fan Junshan very well.For two full hours, Chen Yang kept talking and laughing, adjusting the atmosphere.Fan Junshan didn't talk much, but just stared at Chen Yang quietly, with a doting smile on his brows. After dinner, Fan Junshan and Chen Yang bid farewell to me, and I will send Zhao Qianqian back to school.On the way, Zhao Qianqian pulled me and said, "Look, Chen Yang has found a good man, who is excellent in every way, and they seem to be a good match." I was a little annoyed, and thought to myself: You said you were a good match when you saw Huang Feng before, and now you say that you are a good match when you see Fan Junshan, so there is no time for you to say that you are not a good match.

I strode forward, just moving forward.Zhao Qianqian followed me and babbled endlessly: "It is said that the two of them went to the United States to study, and they will probably work in the United States directly after graduation. Will they also get married in the United States? Then we will not be able to be the best man and bridesmaid. .” In fact, thinking about it carefully, Zhao Qianqian's performance today is also a bit abnormal, and it can even be said to be hyperactive. "Do you think we two will get married first or the two of them? If they get married, what should we give?"

I couldn't take it anymore, I just felt a "buzz" in my head, nothing but anger.I stopped, stared at her and yelled at her: "Can you fucking shut up for a while? Marry! Marry! Marry! Fuck, you haven't written your horoscope yet, why are you getting married?" When I think back later, I feel that the reason why I was violent at that time was not because I was dissatisfied with Zhao Qianqian, but because I was suddenly scared to death. Fan Junshan is different from any of Chen Yang's previous boyfriends. From head to toe, from the inside to the outside, he exudes an air of superiority.In his foil, I feel ashamed.I tried to look for his flaws like a microscope for psychological balance, but found that I couldn't find them.

I'm afraid that Chen Yang will get better and better with Fan Junshan just like this, and then live happily together - it's not that I want Chen Yang to be unhappy, but that I hope her happiness comes from me. After scolding Zhao Qianqian, I was stunned, and Zhao Qianqian was also stunned.She twitched the corners of her mouth in shock and sadness: "You are a little abnormal today." I scratched my hair irritably, and said awkwardly: "I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well today. My head is buzzing and hurting. You can go back to school by yourself. I'll find you another day."

I walked quickly towards the subway station, not daring to look back at Zhao Qianqian, I couldn't face her sad and unpredictable face.Zhao Qianqian didn't chase after me, I think she might have been waiting for me at the same place, waiting for me to turn around, or she might leave cleanly. After entering the subway, I found a car with few people, and slumped on the seat for the elderly, the weak, the sick, the disabled and pregnant women on the far side.The people in the car wandered in their own worlds, and no one paid attention to me. This sense of alienation made me feel warm. "Is mental disability a type of disability?" I thought.

At this moment, I especially need a person to be quiet. I don't want to just compromise like that.Without her, my life would be worse than death. As soon as the subway doors opened, I rushed out.I ran back to school and ran downstairs to her dormitory.I really want to know what she thinks, maybe I have too many thoughts, my mind is very confused, I didn't remember to call her after standing for a long time. As soon as the call got through, I hurriedly asked, "Where are you?" She replied unhurriedly: "I'm on my way back to school, what's the matter?" I said anxiously, "I'm downstairs in your dormitory. When you come back, I have something to ask you." She said "um" calmly, "wait a minute." "Okay." I said. I said a few more words, and she responded to me on the other end of the phone with "uh, huh, huh", like mud.I think Fan Junshan was next to her. She didn't want Fan Junshan to hear what I said, so she hung up the phone without saying a word. I sat at the door of her dormitory and waited foolishly.More than ten minutes later, I saw her walking over alone from a distance, probably pushing Fan Junshan away. I got up and went over, pretending to be natural and wrapping my arms around her shoulders like before.I was especially afraid that she would run away, but luckily she didn't.I pretended to be relaxed and said, "Let's go eat." She looked at me in surprise and said, "Are you crazy? Didn't you just eat it? Are you not full?" I continued: "Then shall we go sing?" She said: "How can anyone go to sing after eating? It will hurt my stomach." I am patient: "Then I will sing, you listen." She didn't speak, just followed me silently. I think she actually knows what I'm thinking and what I'm going to do, after all we've been together for nearly fourteen years.I just want to be alone with her for a while, just for a while, as long as I can solve the doubts in my heart. To the KTV near the school.After entering the box, I ordered a dozen Bing Rui, and she squinted at me and said, "Are you crazy? Can you drink this much after you order so much? You'll be drunk to death here later, and I can't move you." Ah. If you're drunk, I'll leave you here alone." I smiled wryly, and thought to myself: Actually, how I wish I could get drunk after drinking Bingrui, and because I can’t get drunk, I have to face the reality of losing her soon. Neither of us ordered a song. When the waiter brought the wine, I opened a bottle and handed it to her, and opened a bottle myself.I held the bottle up to her and said, "Let's play truth or dare. If you lose, drink if you don't want to answer! Okay?" She raised her eyebrows, pursed her lips, noncommittal.I started to shake the dice clock to compare the size. She was unlucky and lost several times in a row. For the first time, I went straight to the point: "Did you love me?" She didn't answer, took the bottle and gulped down the whole bottle in one gulp. The second time, I won again. I continued to ask: "Do you love me now?" She took the bottle from my hand and drank another. The third time, she lost again. I chased after him and asked: "Are you with Fan Junshan because you love him, or to avoid me, to prevent me from breaking up with Zhao Qianqian?" She drank again and again. I finally couldn't bear it anymore, snatched her bottle, and said angrily, "Can you fucking answer the question? Can you fucking stop drinking?" Chen Yang wiped the corners of his mouth and smiled coldly. The lights of the KTV were very dim, and I couldn't see the expression on her face clearly. I just felt that her eyes were dark and bright, like water. She got up and turned off the KTV accompaniment music, then sat on the big sofa in the corner, crossed her legs and said, "When I came out of your house that morning, I thought about it, I can't be with you. I think I should find Do something to keep yourself busy, so as not to think about it. Then I applied for a TOEFL course, and Junshan happened to be sitting next to me. He was two years older than us and had already received an offer. He came to the class only because he was bored. One day he said he liked me, and he asked me cautiously if I could be with him. He helped me a lot with my studies and took good care of me. I wanted to refuse at first, but when I saw his cautious look, I suddenly softened my heart .” I felt a little uncomfortable, and asked her: "Then you plan to go abroad after graduation? Why didn't you tell me before?" She closed her eyes and nodded: "I had this kind of plan. My parents also asked me to encourage you to study TOEFL together and go to the United States to study for graduate school. There will also be a support there." Speaking of this, she smiled wryly, "I really want to go with you, but I think I can't, I can't be so selfish, I let you go with me, what should Qianqian do?" Every time I talk about Zhao Qianqian with her, there must be a long silence.I don't know how to face this, what to say, and I think she does too.I opened a bottle of wine for myself and drank it dully. After being silent for a while, she spoke first: "Qianqian is a good girl." I said "hmm". She looked at me and asked in an almost begging tone, "We're still like high school, okay?" I sneered, looked up at the ceiling and asked her: "Do you think this is realistic? Can you forget that night? Forget that I like you? Forget that you like me too?" I dare not look at her, I am afraid of mine Tears can't help but flow out. Chen Yang said in a trembling voice: "I know I can't forget, but I will try not to get entangled. Yang Jie, I think you and I should calm down, we should try to be independent, try to be Life without each other. There is no one in this world who can't live without someone, maybe you can't accept it now, after a while, you will feel that you and I are actually more suitable to be friends." I am not convinced.I really want to refute, I really want to tell her that I haven't tried it, how do I know if we are suitable to be friends or couples?I especially want to say to her, why not try to accept me, but try to live without each other?Obviously this way will be happier.But my throat seemed to have a tumor, thousands of words were blocked in my throat, and I couldn't speak. She turned her face away and stopped looking at me.Then the two of us started drinking the wine on the table, one bottle after another, each drinking its own, without saying a word. Later I sent her back to the dormitory, and I also went back to the dormitory drunk.My roommates were playing DOTA in full swing, and when they saw me coming back, they jokingly said, "You bastard! You're not here every time the game starts, and I won't take you with me in the future." I lay down on the bed depressed and irritable, closed my eyes and said, "From now on, she won't take me with her in her life, she's just a bird!" The three roommates were silent.The oldest dorm boss stopped playing the game, came over and patted me on the back, and the other two also quit the game knowingly and stopped making noise. In fact, I never told them anything about Chen Yang and me, but everyone is not stupid. This kind of thing is clear to the authorities, and they all know it well, and know that I like Chen Yang. The boss in the dormitory comforted me and said, "Isn't it almost summer vacation? Find a chance to ask her out to have fun and have a good talk." I shook my head in despair.She and I have become what we are today after so many years, it would be great if we could have a real talk.Now, no matter how much I say, it's just a mayfly shaking a big tree, which is ridiculous.