Chapter 22 Volume 6 Will letting go be liberated and fulfilled? Is there a way out?

I started planning to break up with Zhao Qianqian. I have been thinking about how to say so as to minimize the harm to her and free myself.I know no matter what I say, it is a kind of harm to her.But if you don't cut the mess quickly, if you keep dragging on, it will only hurt her more deeply.The sooner you say it, the sooner the wound heals.I've put it off long enough. One day, I finally prepared a draft, and was about to speak, but Zhao Qianqian took the first step: "I saw an old couple on the street today. They are very old, but they are still holding hands and talking and laughing. Passing by flowers When we were in the store, the old man even bought a rose and stuck it in the old lady's hair, that picture is really so happy that I can envy you. It would be great if I could be like this when you and I were old."

I didn't speak, but I just thought: I will not have a future with you, Chen Yang is my future. At that time, Zhao Qianqian and I were having dinner.Zhao Qianqian ordered black-bone chicken soup, and I ate the black-bone chicken and she drank the soup.Perhaps due to the influence of the old grandpa and grandma, Zhao Qianqian was in a particularly good mood. After the conversation box was opened, the words kept coming out like a torrential flood. She babbled, and I listened indifferently, going in one ear and out the other.Suddenly, she put down the spoon for scooping up the soup, and smiled brightly: "Yang Jie, what do you think our child will be called in the future?"

I am most afraid that Zhao Qianqian will mention the child to me. Whenever I mention it, I will be upset, conflicted and guilty.The black-bone chicken is very delicious, because it is not mature, the meat is very tender, but I was so irritable that I couldn't eat it anymore: "Can you stop talking about children for a while?" Probably thinking that I just wanted to live a two-person world with her, Zhao Qianqian smiled softly: "Okay, I won't mention it." But I'm not in the mood to talk to her anymore, after all, as Chen Yang said, I really owe my surname.The black-bone chicken was finished, and the soup was also finished, but I couldn't say anything.

This month, the contact between Chen Yang and me has also decreased. I should have found out, but I have been thinking about breaking up with Zhao Qianqian, but I ignored it. This month, I met Huang Feng several times. He has already broken up with Chen Yang.It can be seen that the breakup made him very unhappy. Regardless of whether Chen Yang is a virgin or not, he still had a girlfriend before, but now he doesn't even have a girlfriend. It is said that Chen Yang happily said to him at the time: "Thank you, for letting me discover that you are a scum so early, you can stop the loss in time."

Huang Feng apologized and asked to stay, saying that he was just talking casually and had no virginity complex.Chen Yang just smiled hehe: "No matter how you cover it up, you can't cover up the scum and hypocrisy on your body." As a male chauvinist, it is super embarrassing to lower your profile and ask for forgiveness and be humiliated.Huang Feng was so angry that he blushed and his neck was thick, he cursed at Chen Yang and spoke harshly. Chen Yang didn't argue with him, but left quickly. It was said that Huang Feng thought that Chen Yang broke up with him because I was behind the scenes.So every time he sees me, Huang Feng always stares at me with angry and hostile eyes.

I was also very angry, and wanted to beat him up several times, but I would be deducted credits for fighting at school, and I was afraid that his revenge and gossip would affect Chen Yang's reputation, so I endured it all the time. But I’m afraid of what to do. Once I heard a roommate of Huang Feng tell his girlfriend that Chen Yang and Huang Feng broke up because Huang Feng thought she was second-hand. In addition, it also revealed some details about Chen Yang and Huang Feng’s sex. . At that time, I was so disgusted and angry that I rushed up and grabbed the boy by the collar, and stared at him fiercely: "If you have the guts, say it again, see if I don't kill you!"

The man was obviously frightened, and he was stunned for a long time before he shook off my hand and asked with a frown, "Who are you?" I gritted my teeth and continued to warn: "Go back and tell Huang Feng. If he dares to speak ill of Chen Yang to others, I will tell him to go around without food!" After leaving such a sentence, I left indignantly, leaving only a pair of men and women with big eyes and small eyes. "Who is this?" The girl still couldn't respond. "Who knows this kind of psychosis, but I seem to have seen it somewhere... Oh, it seems to be the man who often surrounds Chen Yang."

I found an open place to sit down, lit a cigarette and smoked it one puff at a time.I finally understand why so many people like to smoke when they are uncomfortable.This is a slight self-abuse tendency, which can divert attention and reduce the burden on the heart. Inadvertently looking up, I found that Zhao Qianqian and Chen Yang were looking at me from a distance from each other.Zhao Qianqian's expression was deep and deep, flickering, while Chen Yang's expression was gloomy, with sadness in his eyes. I think of the movie played by the Goddess Zu Xian. When I learned that Fa Hai was coming, the white snake played by the Goddess Zu Xian and the green snake played by the Goddess Manyu also confronted the male protagonist in the same way, like a tug-of-war.

I remember a paragraph and a similar sentence in the original book - "Every man hopes to have two women in his life: the white snake and the green snake. The same period, alternate, embellishing his barren fate. - But, when he gets The white snake, she has gradually become the pale ashes beside the rich gate; the green snake is the green and crisp leaves on the top of the tree. When he gets the green snake, she is the stuffy green mountain herb in the ark; And the White Snake raised his head completely to see new snowflakes of tenderness flying in the sky Kaikai." For me, Chen Yang is both a young leaf and a new snowflake.I love her, but can't have her.

Seeing Chen Yang sighing and preparing to leave, I hurriedly chased after him.But Zhao Qianqian stopped me, took my arm, and said with a smile: "Chen Yang's birthday is coming soon, please help me choose a gift." I pulled out my arm calmly and found an excuse to escape, but looking around, Chen Yang had long since disappeared. For the next few days, I couldn't find Chen Yang. I wanted to call her, but I didn't know what to say.I sighed at Chen Yang's number on the phone, and was hesitating whether to press the dial button, when the phone rang suddenly, it turned out to be Chen Yang's call!

Is this the so-called tacit understanding? As soon as he answered the phone, he heard Chen Yang's cheerful voice: "Yang Jie, I found true love, congratulate me." I laughed and teased her: "Is it me?" "Don't make trouble, you know it's impossible between us." Chen Yang's voice sank, she sighed and continued, "Yang Jie, this time I found someone I really like, true true love." I felt a pain in my heart, took a deep breath and said sarcastically, "Really? Your true love came so fast." Thirteen years, I know her well.The reason why she fell in love so quickly must be to prevent me from breaking up with Zhao Qianqian. I was very angry, like a child who can't get enough sugar, and lost his temper willfully: "How long did it take you to throw yourself into another man's arms? How much do you need love? Chen Yang, stop teasing me Now, I know that the person you really like is me, don't think you can get rid of me by just finding a man." After I finished speaking, I went back to the sea. I felt that I hurt Chen Yang's self-esteem. But Chen Yang didn't get angry, instead his tone was calm: "I have already told Qianqian that the four of us will have dinner together tomorrow, and Qianqian also agreed, so don't you not come." After she finished speaking, she hung up the phone. Before I finished my sentence, I wanted to call back, but after much deliberation, I couldn't make a call. I thought over and over the flaws in her words, thinking about the meeting tomorrow. The word "true love" hovered in my head like a fly, and I couldn't hide it. What does the "true love" in her mouth look like?Could it be that Chen Yang hired him to act?Do I want to go?What should I say?I found out that she was really acting, should I expose it?If it's true love, shall I try to break them apart?Which should I wear? My mind is full of troubles and questions. Not long after, Zhao Qianqian also called and said the same thing.I pretended not to know, and perfunctory her, it was so hypocritical. I am looking forward to meeting tomorrow, but I am also afraid of meeting tomorrow.I don't know why I have such a bun-like personality, mother-in-law, indecisive. Thinking of this, I suddenly remembered a little episode. Chen Yang and I had a heart-to-heart chat on QQ before.She said to me on QQ: "Do you know why I cried so sadly when Qianqian had an abortion? Not only because I love her, but I also hurt, and a corner of my heart hurts to death. I can't get over it." This hurdle. With this incident, I feel that we will never be together again. You no longer belong to me. Maybe you will live with Qianqian in the future, and you will be full of old children and grandchildren, and I am just a passer-by in your life .I want to cry when I think about it.” Every time I think of her words, I feel very blocked and want to cry.I really want to grab the ground with my head and torture myself severely to relieve the pain in my heart. Today's situation is all caused by my Baozi personality. I have no right to blame others or God.