Chapter 34 Chapter Thirty Outgrown Branches

I naively thought: As long as I play well, I can be a happy champion.Such a simple idea was quickly mocked by reality: fame has many by-products, it is not as simple as I imagined, and it is not as happy as I imagined. Jiang Shan once described me as a hedgehog: I was very small and soft at first, and when I felt hurt by someone, I didn’t know how to fight back. The only thing I would do was to quickly erect all the spines all over my body. I was annoyed at first with my denial of this metaphor, but then I realized that I probably, could, maybe... really were a hedgehog. A sad, stupid hedgehog.

Because I was afraid of being hurt again, everyone I saw raised their thorns.I am a sensitive person and care a lot about what other people think of me.The media bashing on me intensified my sensitivity so much that the hedgehog never left.It was terribly frightened.And its way to deal with fear is to put up thorns all over its body: "Look! I have thorns!" The result can be imagined. Of course, the media will not take this sting seriously. Nuclear weapons will appear on their pages at any time. From time to time, other small animals—little white rabbits, kittens, etc.—report: "Why do you have thorns all over your body? You stabbed me! You are not a good friend of our zoo!"

I am also wronged - because I don't know when to let go and how to let go. I don't know how to deal with the media, I don't know how to make friends with them, how to express myself clearly.The friends around me are either athletes or coaches. There are no misinterpretations, magnifications, difficulties and unwarranted hints. Our world is much simpler than the outside world. Under such conditions, I am very dependent on my team and friends around me. In front of them, I can completely let go of my guard. When I am with my friends, I am the happiest time. But in 2011, a sentence from a friend who grew up together made me realize that the friendship I have always valued can be so weak.

That friend asked me to help him use my relationship to ask for a project.I am very embarrassed, I am not such a person, I can't open my mouth to control what people want. The friend said: "Why are you like this?" I was angry: "My behavior has always been like this. I don't want to owe favors to others. I must pay them back. And I am a person who doesn't know how to communicate with the leader. How can I go directly to the leader and say: you Give me a project to do. Besides, why should the leader give me the project to do.” Friends—or they are no longer friends, and they said directly: "Li Na, you have changed."

I really haven't changed, I've always been like this. Later he came to me again and said that he wanted to open a restaurant. He asked someone to invest in it and use my name. I told him I don't want to be involved in these things, I am an athlete now, I am not willing to touch these things, this field is completely unknown to me, how do I know what to do. He came again: "Why are you like this?" One thing I can't understand is: why does he take it for granted that I should help him, and if I don't help him, I am sorry for him? We have known each other for many years, we have known each other for a long time, we have been friends for many years, and finally there is such an embarrassment.

I am ashamed to say that I am nearly thirty years old, and it was the first time I realized the fragility of feelings: in the face of interests, feelings are so vulnerable. In my opinion, friendship will not be used.My best friends are not in constant contact with each other. Although everyone has their own lives and lives in a remote corner of the world, as long as they meet, they will still be very "close".Don't care about giving and getting with you, this is called a friend. I am not a person who knows how to manage emotions. If someone treats me well, I wish I could treat him twice as well. But once I get hurt, I will erect my spines like a hedgehog to protect myself, so I don’t have many friends. We I don't need to contact you every day, but I will think of you first when I am sad.And my friends have basically grown up playing together since they were young. In addition, there are two elementary school classmates who have been in touch.I am not a person who is good at expressing my feelings, and I am also a girl who is afraid of being alone and prone to low self-esteem. Only people who grew up with me, or people who have worked and lived with me for a long time will understand me, and then have the opportunity to walk into my life Inner world.I am not good at interacting with people and establishing connections. I am almost always the passive party in interpersonal relationships, so I will cherish the friendship between friends more.They will not treat me differently because of my grades. Sometimes they will adjust the time difference because they are waiting for my game. When I am in a bad mood, I will not hesitate to call to tell my distress. They I will listen patiently, and will not complain even if I don’t remember them after waking up the next day, and the friends and friendships I grew up with are more pure. My stupid brain is not suitable for too complicated environments.I enjoy the time when I go back to my country after each game. I can eat, chat, drink and sing with my friends, and talk about what happened around me.

I am thankful that neither my relatives nor true friends have ever treated me well or badly because of my achievements.They have treated me like this since I was a child, and they still treat me like this today. After many days, I gradually let go of this matter: Maybe that friend is out of town alone, and his lifestyle and environment are different from ours, so there will be differences in perception of things.Maybe he was really having a hard time, so he couldn't choose what to say. I don't care much about these anymore. After experiencing ups and downs, I have begun to mature.How many bosom friends can a person have in his life?With all this now, I am already very happy. I don't expect everyone to understand me, that is unrealistic.I know that I am an introverted and even shy person, and I cannot ask everyone to travel through mountains and rivers to see clearly what I am thinking.

How can it be as expected?But please be worthy of my heart. Over time, I gradually learned to bear the pressure of public opinion. The media has their own operating rules, and reporters and editors may also have their last resort pressure. Who is easy in life?If everyone misunderstands me, I will not pay special attention to it, and I will no longer make unnecessary explanations.A true friend needs no explanation, and if he is not a friend, explanation is useless. For example, I used to care about the comments on me on the Internet, but now I don’t pay attention to those, because I can’t let bad comments affect my status.I know no matter what I do, there will be positive and negative comments pouring in, this is normal and everyone has the right to express their opinion.And my biggest responsibility is to focus on playing well and living my own life without distractions.

Another example is that I used to be very concerned about the media's comments on me, but now, I don't care so much.I just hope that my results can be worthy of my efforts. I am a solid, hard-working, and increasingly mature tennis player. As for other things, I don't care. In the past six months, because of my poor condition, I have seen many things clearly. People always mature very quickly in the midst of storms.I have seen a lot of things with red tops and whites, high praises and low steps, and my mentality has become more peaceful.Some people say that I was very lucky to win the French Open championship, and I won the championship only because of good luck.I also laughed and laughed, it doesn't matter anymore, no matter what you say, I was the one who won the championship, and my luck is indeed good.

Some people also said that I have earned a lot of money now, how should I donate, how should I repay the society and so on. On this point, I would like to say: In terms of charity, I have donated to orphanages, I have done so before, and I will do so in the future.Not only will I donate money to the children, but I will also visit them and care about them, because I know that love is more important than money.But the only reason I do it is because I want to make things better for my kids and I want them to have a good future, not because someone says I should. Although tennis is known as the "noble sport", I am actually no easier than any blue-collar worker—I do hard work, and I suffer from injuries. I love the land I live in, and I love everything around me. But I hate to talk about it all the time.

I am not ashamed of myself, and my credo in everything I do now is: first, do not hurt yourself; second, do not violate my conscience.I think that's all right, I'm not perfect, but I'm a kind person, I'm a brave person, I don't need everyone to recognize this, I just need to face the starry sky above my head and my inner conscience. After the French Open Grand Slam, some media described it as "China's victory."I think this hat is too big. I am just an athlete and cannot bear a country, let alone represent a country.I can only represent myself and do what I want to do.Those big hats that people put on me are just those people trying to express their thoughts, which actually has nothing to do with me. I can't represent anyone, and I don't want to represent anyone, I just want to represent myself.