Chapter 35 Chapter Thirty-One STAYHUNGRY, STAYFOOLISH

After winning the French Open, I entered a low ebb again. At the US Open, I was out in the first round. Voices of doubts from the outside kept coming, and the anxiety and helplessness followed me everywhere. No matter where I went, I could see the headline on the sports page: Li Na is in a slump. This time they were right. I came to the China Open in this state. Two days before the game, I was vomiting and diarrhea. I submitted an application to the organizing committee, hoping to participate one day later, so that I could have one more day to adjust.But the people in the WTA office said they had no authority, China Open had already sold all the tickets, and I had to play the first match.

Then hit it. As you can imagine, in that state, your expectations for the game are at an all-time low: My only hope is for the game to end as soon as possible so I can rush back to the locker room and quiet my churning stomach for a while. After that, the game was like a sideshow. I had no desire to win at all, and I was ashamed, because I knew that what I really wanted in my heart was one thing: let the game end quickly. Why?why? When I just finished the French Open, I had a lot of self-confidence, and I even felt that I still had the confidence to win the second Grand Slam.But until now my condition is not very good.I couldn't help but started another round of self-doubt: Why do I train so hard every day, and still get into trouble frequently during competitions?

During this period of time, my team and I were very serious, and we realized that this situation must change. After the US Open, my cooperation with coach Mortensen also came to an end.Although we have only cooperated for 5 months, these 5 months have brought me wonderful experiences.Mortensen is a very positive person. He sees the positive side of everything and feels that there is nothing bad in his world.Our cooperation began in the 2011 clay court season, and it was also the moment when we experienced the French Open championship together.During the cooperation period, I feel that Mortensen treats me more like the love of the elders for the younger generation. He never speaks harshly, and always explains techniques and tactics calmly. I have never seen him unhappy.Maybe I have lived in a squeezed environment since I was a child, so when you give me enough space to play, I can't control myself. Maybe it's because Mortensen gave me a too gentle environment. In the end, especially the French Open After that, I didn't know what I should do, so I couldn't cooperate in the end.

He is very nice, he depends on me in everything, he can find a positive side in everything I do, but he doesn’t clearly point out where my weaknesses and mistakes are, pure encouragement can’t help me deal with the dangers in the game Huansheng, I need a teacher who can guide me technically. The environment I grew up in caused me to need others to push me and push me. All the people who have pushed me to improve have similar personalities.Thomas used to have this ability. He encouraged me and guided me along the way. When I needed a spur, he would relentlessly urge me to forge ahead. When I made a mistake, he would point out the problem sharply.But Mortensen is so nice, he once said "I don't want this, I hope you can do well, not me telling you what you should do."He feels that we are a cooperative relationship on the court, we are friends, we are moving forward with each other, not pushing me forward.The most he said to me was: "You have to give yourself a chance to make mistakes." Because he thought I was the kind of player who would be very upset if I made a mistake, he said: "You have to think about it. Come on, give yourself the chance to make mistakes, no one is perfect, everyone will make mistakes sometimes."

But the scoreboard won't give me a second chance. I feel sorry, Mortensen is good, but we are not suitable.It's a lot like falling in love between a man and a woman. The other party may be very good or excellent, but they just don't match you, and there is no tacit understanding between you. We ended up amicably breaking up. The incident of "fire coach" caused an uproar in the media again, so I had to keep explaining to everyone: this incident is not that serious, it is just a normal work handover.In fact, in the circle of our athletes, this is also a very common thing.Finding a coach that suits you is no easier than finding a lifelong partner that suits you. It is normal for everyone to part ways when they find problems during the running-in period.Denmark's Wozniacki's coach is her father, but after the consecutive losses at Wimbledon and the US Open, Woz's agent also said that they are planning to change the coach-does this mean that Woz is planning to fire his father?of course not!The coach belongs to the coach, and the father will always be the father. The relationship between father and daughter will not be affected by this. Work and life are not the same thing.

After Mortensen left, Jiang Shan returned to the position of "coach" again. On the training ground, Jiang Shan turned back to that stern coach, giving me orders all the time. I also want to adjust myself.But no matter what he said on the training ground, I couldn't calm down and listen to his advice.He wants me to do what he wants, but I can't. After returning from the US Open, I returned to my hometown to participate in the China Open, but I was still eliminated in the first round. After a WTA female player wins a Grand Slam, there will always be a trough, and so far there has been no exception.But my heart is still full of anxiety, I repeatedly warned myself: must!ASAP!immediately!Come out of the trough!

But it didn't help, I was still hovering at the bottom, and I would even lose to the teenagers in the qualifying round. Next, we will play the year-end finals in Istanbul, Turkey.My heart was devastated, and I didn't know how or why I would fight in this situation. Jiang Shan said: Your mentality has changed. In fact, I also know this, but I have been reluctant to admit it.Before I won the Grand Slam, if others said about me in training, I would know that they were doing it for my own good. I followed their advice and had very high demands on myself. Thomas once praised me: "Other players may take the coach's request. Execute to 80%, or even 90%, but Li Na is a very self-disciplined player, she can do 100%." ​​But after winning the French Open, I began to be a little satisfied, my childhood dream, so distant goals have been achieved, I found a reason for my bad state.I unknowingly set my position higher, and my attitude was different from before.

Before the Australian Open in 2010, I struggled against the current, and I was able to win the game even when my legs were not fully recovered. At that time, I was constantly accused of "a problem with my mentality", but I had confidence in myself. I know that outsiders may not know much about competitive sports.It is impossible for a person to be in a state of excitement forever. There are high tides and low tides, which is normal.In that kind of difficult environment, I can push myself to the limit instead. When I got the grades, I was too lenient with myself.Once the matter of pampering myself started, it would be followed by endless regression, and the inertia swallowed up the previous efforts. In the end, tolerance turned into laissez-faire, and I lost my hunger for victory.

At the same time, I began to be full of doubts about what the coach said. When we were training, my own thoughts kept popping up: "I did the same thing before, didn't I also win the Grand Slam? Why do you still say Am I not doing well enough?" Jiang Shan is also a professional player, a former National Games champion, we grew up together, and he understands my problems and shortcomings very well.I knew I should trust him, but I failed to put myself in the right position. This is also the problem that caused my slow response on the court-when the opponent attacked, I could not respond decisively. Debating the matter myself.This is very clearly reflected in my game: even the arc of the tennis ball has become hesitant, cringeworthy, full of self-doubt and ambiguity.

Jiang Shan understands the reason for this situation as well as I do: the Grand Slam is the supreme goal of all tennis players, and all professional tennis players want to win the Grand Slam.But 80% - 90% of players will be confused for a period of time after winning the Grand Slam.Because you have to adapt to the status of a Grand Slam champion.This identity adaptation includes the ideal construction, the next goal, the entire order of life, as well as the choice and recognition of the coach, and the basic requirements for life desires. In one year, I was crowned the champion of the French Open, became the representative of Asian women's tennis, and signed a commercial contract worth hundreds of millions of dollars. The honor and huge contract brought tremendous pressure to me who was on the top for the first time. I couldn't accept all this calmly and with relief.

Djokovic has unparalleled skills, but it still takes a long time to adjust after winning the Grand Slam in 2007.Our greatest Federer, after winning the Wimbledon championship in the first year, recovered after winning the Wimbledon championship again in the second year.Roddick has only won one Grand Slam in so many years.Safin won the Grand Slam in 2000, and he won the second Grand Slam five years later.He wrote in his memoir: "After I won the Grand Slam, I was drunk and dreamed every day." It's so normal, when you've accomplished your life goals, it's actually the loneliest time in your life.This is when fear and worry arise, because you will think about what else you can do after completing the goal. These players all won the Grand Slam between the ages of 20 and 22, and then there were such results.And I won my first Grand Slam at 29, which means I've been fighting for it for 20 years.No one can give me advice, because no one knows my life, and no one understands my life. This life is lived by myself.I don't have anyone's experience to share.How much I envy the Williams sisters, or the brothers and sisters Sufin and Safina, they must be able to share each other's feelings and help each other get out of the confusion as soon as possible, but I am like a lonely traveler, alone in the thick fog Struggling, I could clearly hear swearing and insults coming from around me, but no one could tell me what to do. There is a caged beast in everyone's heart. It is aggressive, irritable, extreme, scarred and brutal.I used to open the cage door during the game, let it show up to help me, and when my mental strength became weak, it would invite the backlash of the beast.It kept laughing at me, humiliating me, making me cry or blame others for my mistakes. I can only try to soothe my emotions by myself, Jiang Shan will help me, his company makes me feel better.He would silently be there for me when I was endlessly punishing myself for one of my mistakes, and he was there for me when I asked for rest or practice. "I think she has had a hard time. All I can do is to accompany her and give some encouragement." He told reporters. He understood my deep fear. Some people fear that their parents will leave, or that their talents will be exhausted and they will grow old.What I am more afraid of is that I will blame myself in the future, that is, I did not work hard to do something in time within my ability, and when I have no chance to do it again, I will blame my young self. I think I am a very contradictory person, with a great contrast between my two personalities.Sometimes I train desperately and push myself to the limit of my physical fitness, but sometimes I can't help thinking, what are you doing so hard after you have won the Grand Slam?If I am doing well at this stage, I can still suppress the inner debate. When things go wrong, the two voices will rise at the same time, as if they are competing with themselves. I know that one day I will not be able to play tennis. I was a little scared about this, especially when I was undergoing surgery. I kept thinking: What will happen to me if my recovery fails and I can no longer play tennis? Sample? One "I" will be very happy, finally you don't need to train anymore, you can do what you always want to do, but the other self still feels uncomfortable, after all, you have been doing this all your life, and to this extent .Really contradictory. I once said to my friends: My ideal in the future is to be a housewife, and I will go wherever Jiang Shan goes. This is my ideal or dreamed way of life.But I also know that being a full housewife is definitely out of touch with society.I don't want to see myself behind the times.In the past few years, Jiang Shan has revolved around me wholeheartedly.After I retire, I will follow him wherever he goes, not necessarily in Wuhan.If he goes to Beijing, I will go to Beijing with him.Jiang Shan doesn't like children.He thinks children are too noisy, but I still want to have children. When I leave the tennis court, I will discuss some future plans with Jiang Shan: We have always resisted the idea of ​​leaving children with their parents.I didn't know much about foreign education before. When we had the opportunity to go abroad and see the growth environment and education methods of foreign children, I felt shocked.If I really retire and have a child in the future, I will definitely take care of it myself.The first teachers of children are parents, and I have to raise my children with my own hands.If possible, I would like my children to receive a completely different education from ours. I do not want my children to be influenced by the Chinese education model after entering school.It is too difficult to be a child in China. There are many competitors and limited resources. The competition that children face is getting stronger and stronger. It is easy to have comparisons and values ​​are easily distorted.I don't particularly like such children.Jiang Shan felt the same way.He feels that Chinese people's lack of self-confidence comes from family and education. To put it more bluntly, it is all caused by the family, because parents always tell their children what to do, and everything is arranged.Moreover, parents always use the form of preaching, nagging to their children constantly: "You should wash up!" "You should go to bed!" He does not know whether it is right or wrong to do something, which causes his lack of self-confidence. This is a problem that all Chinese people have, unless parents dare to adopt free-range education. The lack of self-confidence of Chinese children comes from their parents.Why are foreigners more confident than Chinese?Because the children of foreigners grow up by themselves.We have stayed abroad for many years, and everyone has seen how foreigners take care of their children, and they never restrict their children's initiative.The child will feel that as long as it is not illegal or has a tendency to make serious mistakes, he can try it. For example, if I choose to play tennis today, or choose to read, play basketball, or play games, he will confidently choose by himself, and then go Do.Chinese children always think "can I do it" when they encounter problems.After growing up in this way, when encountering things, I will first ask based on inertia: "Is this okay? Is it okay?" The people who come out of these two states are completely different.Students who have also completed college and higher education, and even children who have also studied for graduate and doctoral students may have similar knowledge, but their internal cultivation is very different, and their future development will be completely different. This attitude of being responsible for oneself should come from parents, not taught in school at all.Schools teach only knowledge.Our elementary school textbooks tell you at the very beginning: love the people and the motherland, and it is only in college that we teach you: don’t spit everywhere.This is actually completely in the wrong order.I hate that I don’t have self-confidence when I’m playing. I’ve been in a sports team for a long time, and the collective education makes me always hesitate when I make any decision. I don’t have self-confidence. What a result.Athletes may be more troubled by this problem, because they have to face winning and losing frequently, and the things they have faced since childhood are particularly direct.It is also unscientific that coaches like to use comparisons to undermine players' self-confidence and establish their authoritative status.Everyone is different, there is no comparison. Now the two of us basically don't keep trophies in our home, and we don't keep anything related to tennis.I just don’t want children to have a sense of superiority of “who is my mother and who is my father” in the future.I will not deliberately tell the children that your mother turned out to be a tennis player. If we raise our children abroad, we have to follow them here. What we both think is that after the child is 18 years old, he can freely choose everything, including where to live, and we will no longer interfere with their life.We have watched the TV series "Heavenly Way" played by Wang Zhiwen, and we agree with a saying in it: Raising children does not prevent old age.If we want children, it must be because we like children and fulfill our obligations to him voluntarily, not because we want him to support us when we are old.The idea of ​​both of us is that when we are old, we will go to a nursing home or something, and we don't want to burden our children. Oddly enough, whenever I think about the future and our baby, my mood improves. It is worth mentioning that my friend Safina sent me a message after the US Open.Just when I was so depressed that I was completely out of shape, Safina sent me a text message: "I have also experienced the same experience. Many people say that I can't do it, but you must believe that you are the champion." Safina has also experienced this situation, and she knows how it feels. Some people don’t understand anything, but dare to judge others, but they themselves have no experience of pursuing their dreams, and their views are very subjective.But Safina is different. She used to be the world's number one women's singles player. She fought through pain like me. She felt all my disappointments and pains. Her encouragement gave me great spiritual strength. .There is a Chinese saying: "A good word warms the winter three times, and a bad word hurts the June cold." This is true. When I saw that text message, I really felt a warm current in my heart.No matter when and where, I will remember her as my forever friend. After the death of Jobs, many people took the phrase "STAY HUNGRY, STAY FOOLISH" in his speech at Stanford University's graduation ceremony as the motto.But few people really know how difficult and important it is to keep "hungry" and "stupid". After winning the French Open, I participated in many events, and the results were all round trips.When everything hit rock bottom, I actually regained my confidence.How could things get worse?This is already the worst moment. After entering 2012, my performance has gradually improved. The 2012 Australian Open will be held in late January, which is when we celebrate the Chinese New Year.My mother once said that her biggest wish was that I could spend the Spring Festival at home, but in the end I couldn't stay with her at home.For tennis players, almost every Spring Festival has to be spent in the scorching sun of Melbourne Park. With the hope of returning to top form, I came to Australia, which I always considered my blessed land: the hot Australian summer reminded me of home, and I reached the Australian Open for the first time in the final of a Grand Slam. This confidence continued until the Chinese New Year's Eve of the Year of the Rabbit. I wasted four match points in the 1/8 finals, and Clijsters won the game. My disappointment could not be increased, and I left Australia in a hurry. The lovely "Na ions" call me to forget the unhappiness and go home to celebrate the New Year.In order to thank them, on the first day of the Dragon Lunar New Year, I left a message to my fans on Weibo: "This year's Australian Open is over, I hope to appear in the Australian Open next year in a better state, see you next year! Happy Chinese New Year!" Afterwards, I deliberately made myself disappear from the world of Weibo and the media's vision. How can a defeated army speak bravely.In the early morning of the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, Jiang Shan and I arrived in Shenzhen to prepare for the Confederations Cup.Speaking of this Australian Open, it is Jiang Shan who has gained a "world first". In the selection of the "Top Ten Husbands/Boyfriends" in the tennis world organized by the official website of this Australian Open, he defeated the golf superstar McIlroy and the NBA. The star Vujacic and others were awarded the title of "First Husband".The reason for his award is: "Jiang Shan is not only Li Na's happy husband, but also her coach on the sidelines. He is often glared at by his grand slam wife and becomes the object of her venting." We both laughed a lot when we heard the news.Anyway, the new season begins, take heart.