Chapter 33 Chapter Twenty Nine

When Thomas just left us, because I couldn't find a suitable substitute for a while, my coach was temporarily held by Jiang Shan. With my husband as a coach, there will definitely be some unavoidable problems that we need to face together.Jiang Shan and I have to work hard to adapt to the role changes in different situations. Jiang Shan is thinking nervously every day: when should he appear as a "husband"?When should I show up as a "coach"?When Jiang Shan is both husband and coach, it will be more difficult to switch roles.And when he accused me, I couldn't help being angry: You are my husband, why are you still yelling at me on the court?Normal couples will have some friction in their daily life. For us, tennis is a part of life, and the emotions on the court are easily brought into life. In this way, the coaching position is easy to hurt our relationship. The disputes began to increase.

The coaching styles of Thomas and Jiang Shan are quite different. Just like before, after the brief glory of the Australian Open, I fell into the trough after the climax. The results were not ideal, and they returned home early.My mental state started to slump again. I became irritable and irritable, and I attributed this to Jiang Shan's dereliction of duty. I need a coach who can encourage me to face the game positively, and I need recognition and positive guidance from authority. I played in Stuttgart in Germany in April and I got knocked out in the second round.Realizing that I could no longer escape, I sat down and had a face-to-face discussion with Jiang Shan.

I said, "We've got to make a change." He said, "Yes, I agree. What do you think should be done?" I said, "I need to find a new coach." His answer was "no problem". At that moment, I felt so much easier because he was no longer my coach.He felt the same way. I think this matter has been satisfactorily resolved.My therapist Alex was recommending Danish coach Mortensen to me.Coach Mortensen was also a player when he was young. As a coach, he once coached first-class players such as Wozniacki.Coach Mortensen seems to be the best person to help me if I want to make further progress.

The presence of Coach Mortensen lifted my spirits.After undergoing Thomas' training, my recognition of foreign coaches has increased linearly-to use an inappropriate analogy, have you all seen it?Sun Wukong learned the Seventy-two Changes and Somersaulting Clouds from his first master in the Sanxing Cave of the Oblique Moon. He was full of respect and attachment to this enlightenment teacher. Therefore, when Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva appointed him a new master, Tang Seng , he was also very happy at first, not only because Tang Seng rescued him from under the Five Elements Mountain, but also because the word "Master" is a very warm and kind code name in the Monkey King's memory. This trust comes from Nice impression of the first master.Before coach Mortensen appeared, I placed great expectations on him. I hope he has the magical power not inferior to Thomas, so that my nerves can be relaxed, my small team can breathe a sigh of relief, and let everyone Get a good night's sleep and stop worrying.

What I didn't expect was that Jiang Shan silently left the team and me at this time. We were planning to go to Madrid to participate in the competition. I had already arrived at the airport with two tickets to Madrid in my hand. Seeing that the departure time was about to arrive, he did not show up at the airport as scheduled. Jiang Shan's "Farewell without Saying Goodbye" broke me. I can't get in touch with him anyway - he just lost his phone before he could buy a new one.In a panic, I even called back to the hotel where I stayed the night before and asked them if Jiang Shan’s room was still occupied. The hotel receptionist said that the room had been cancelled, and the guest did not say where he was going.

We also had conflicts before, Jiang Shan said many times: "I'll go." I said: "Then you go." Because there have been such small quarrels and disputes before, I didn't care, I didn't expect him to really go. I used my credit card to buy a plane ticket and went back home. My heart was in a state of confusion, and I couldn't stop thinking: where did he go?Have you returned home?In Wuhan?Or did you go somewhere else?How is he now?is it safe?Have you got a meal yet? I can't concentrate at all to think about the next game.Standing alone at the airport with people coming and going, I found that my hands and feet were cold and I didn't know what to do.A corner of my world seemed to collapse suddenly, and I didn't know how to calm down.At this time, I suddenly remembered that Jiang Shan has a good friend who is now in the United States. Could it be that he went to a friend's place to relax?I immediately turned on the computer and went online to get in touch with this friend.

This friend also didn’t have any news about Jiang Shan. She felt that I was out of control. In order to comfort me, she sent me a link to a book. Let me calm down and read this book. When she returns to Wuhan, she will Find Jiang Shan's other friends and then contact me. I was sitting there alone waiting to board the plane. This scene seemed familiar—I was locked in a small dark room at Los Angeles Airport more than a decade ago, missed my flight, and ended up spending the night in the bathroom. This time, I wanted to Face everything alone. In order to calm down the restless mood, I had to try to divert my attention. I opened the book my friend sent me and started to read.

The name of that book is , and it was written by Ms. Zhang Defen from Taiwan. Before reading the book, I didn't expect this book to have such a big impact on me. After reading a chapter, I found that I calmed down for a while, but then I found that once I put down the book, my heart would be filled with all kinds of distress in reality. In order to escape the burden of reality, I immediately fled back to the book middle. When I arrived in Madrid, my fitness coach was waiting for me at the hotel and he was going to introduce me to the new coach tonight.He was very surprised when he saw me dragging the suitcase into the hotel gate alone, and asked me where Jiang Shan was.

The strength and conditioning coach doesn't buy the explanation: "Don't be kidding me." I don't want to get too entangled in this matter, simply say: "I really returned to China." That night I met Coach Mortensen, who was gentle and kind, and we talked about training methods and plans for the future.The exchange felt good, and I decided to hire Coach Mortensen to help me train for a while. During this period, Jiang Shan never contacted me. I called his mobile phone in China but couldn't get through. My only consolation was the book, which I kept revisiting non-stop for those two weeks.The anxiety in my heart made me unable to sleep peacefully as usual. On the first night, I finished half of the book.

This is a very wonderful book. The author promotes such a point of view in the book: "The root of all human suffering comes from not knowing who we are, and blindly clinging to and pursuing things that do not represent us. When When death comes, it sweeps away everything that doesn't represent us, and who we really are doesn't change with time or even with death. 'I shouldn't suffer.' This thought will make you suffer even more. It It's a distortion of reality, always self-contradictory. The truth is, you have to say 'Yes!' to suffering before you can go beyond it."

After watching it the first time, I felt that I didn't fully understand the meaning of it.Went back and re-watched it a few times.I remember it was written in the book that when an old man asked who she was, she said what my name was, and the old man said: No. At this point I started to ask myself, who am I?I know my name is Li Na, and I know I can play tennis, but what else?Take out names and tennis balls and what am I left with? I can't find an answer. This book also explores the relationship between the id and the real self.She also said: The communication between people is because everyone has their own frequency. When you think that a person is very suitable for you, it is actually because you have found that you have the same frequency and talents with the same frequency. will attract each other. I also very much agree with this point of view.At the same time, I have a faint cramping in my heart. I know someone who has the same frequency as me, but I lost him. That was the only time, for two full weeks, I was only with my own coach and therapist. While I was training with Mortensen, I searched everywhere for information about Jiang Shan. In the second week in Spain, I finally found out his whereabouts.As soon as my friends in Wuhan found Jiang Shan, they immediately told me on the Internet: Jiang Shan has indeed returned to China, and reported his location accurately. I was relieved, as long as I knew where he was, I was at ease. A few days later, Jiang Shan sent me an email, asking me what my mobile phone number is in Germany. I replied him.It may be that the mood affects the concentration. The number I sent has a wrong number.Jiang Shan replied another email, saying that he called, but it turned out that a foreigner who spoke German answered the call. What's going on? This time, I checked my phone carefully, and after confirming the number, I sent the email again. Jiang Shan and I started communicating on this matter by phone and email.I thought Jiang Shan was out of temper, but he denied it.He told me: He just hopes to leave at the right time so that the new coach can work after he arrives.If he does come to Madrid with me, it may hinder the work of the new coach.He told me before that he would not go to Spain, and he was serious.It's just that I didn't want to believe it at the time. Jiang Shan later explained this to his friends. He said that when men do things, women don't understand.Men can leave because of love, women can't.He left because he loved me.He was worried that if he didn't leave, I would feel even more uncomfortable.I have a coach over there with everything and he has nothing to worry about. But in fact, during that time, my mood was very low.When I am depressed, I will go online to connect with my friends, but no matter how good a friend is, it cannot replace Jiang Shan.After he left, I couldn't face the huge emptiness in my heart. I could lose anyone's support, but he was irreplaceable. Before the French Open, I played two tournaments. Whenever I made a mistake or the ball went wrong, I would think of what was said in the book: "If you can't change the fact, first accept it. Then surrender." In the past, when problems occurred, I would not find the reason for myself, but would blame other people or things. I was very resistant to accepting the fact that "I can't do it".After reading this book, I found that all the mistakes I made in the past were due to my unwillingness to accept the fact that this thing had happened, which was because I was against myself.So later in the game, when I missed a ball or made a mistake, I would accept and surrender to it.What if what has already happened cannot be changed?I can only accept it, tell myself that I can't change it, I can only take the next step, and let it go. That book was the first book by Zhang Defen I came across. I thought it was very good and recommended it to many friends.It helps you see many things clearly.She said: Some things require you to know and understand it first. After you know it, it will no longer have such a strong mysterious control over you.When a person is willing or not to resist knowing himself and experiencing himself, it will make him more relieved. I slowly began to face who I really am, as the book says, which made me more relieved. I stopped whining and crying, and after a few days of open and frank communication, we came to understand each other.After playing Madrid and Rome, I have a week or so to go back to Munich to prepare for the French Open.Jiang Shan also flew over from China. I didn't want to show weakness, so I deliberately joked with him: "Look, when you are not here, I have entered the top four in both competitions." Jiang Shan replied: "If I am here, you I won the championship." He just never admits defeat.I just love him for who he is. When my small team was watching me from the sidelines, we had a regular pre-game pep ritual.My therapist would do some stretches and stuff like that to warm me up, and then he would shake my hand and tell me, "Believe in yourself! You can do this!" And Jiang Shan would bump fists with me and say something like "Let go! It's okay!". This made me enter the arena with full confidence. I know that behind me, there are eyes full of love and expectation waiting for me. Whether I win or lose, their loyalty and friendship will not waver a little.