Chapter 5 Section five

In the evening Bill came. He kissed my forehead. I said, "I saw your wife." "She told me," he said, "that you were thin and pale." I nod. I said, "Bill, I'm not feeling well, and I think—you'd better go home." He was startled, understood what I meant, put on his coat very gently, kissed my forehead, and left without saying a word. He stayed for less than fifteen minutes without drinking a cup of tea. After he left, I Sitting quietly in the living room. The TV was on, but there was no sound. I poured a glass of Martell, and tears streamed down my face.

Trembling, I went to the phone book, found Peter's number, and dialed it. He is at home. "Peter?" I said, "I'm Joe." "Joe?" he asked. "Yes," I said, "would you come over once, Peter? Now, please." "Okay," he said, "fifteen minutes, whatever you want to do, wait until I come, Joe, wait for me." I waited for him, and I poured Martell down like boiling water. I cried silently, drank wine silently, and lay on the sofa. When I heard the doorbell, I got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I pretended to be very calm, because I drank a lot, so I was very calm, and I opened the door.

Peter was rubbing his hands in the cold, he looked at me suspiciously, "Joe, are you alright?" I pulled out my hair, my arms were limp and unable to exert strength, I said, "Please come in, I'm fine, as long as you come." He looked at me, came in, and said, "You're drunk, Joe." "I'm not drunk." He sighed, "Joe!" "I'm not drunk, Peter, give me a kiss." "I never kiss a drunk woman. Joe, you should go to bed." "Are you with me?" I looked up and asked him, "I'm not drunk." He looked at me, "Joe, I know you don't love me, Joe, go to bed, I'll see you tomorrow, and then you tell me if you want me to stay with you, OK?"

"You're a son of a bitch." "Joe, you shut up and go to bed one by one" "You said you loved me—" "Exactly, that's why I put you to bed." "Actually, Peter, you're a very good-looking boy, any girl would fall in love with you, and I beg you to stay with me tonight, why not? Are you afraid of me? I'm making you unhappy?" I said, "I Not drunk." I wasn't really drunk, I was just very sedated!He speaks slowly and talks a lot.Everything was far away and slowly, and my fear and scruples were gone.Wine is good. "The wine is good." I said, "Please stay." I took his hand.

"I'm not a good man," Peter said, "I'm going now, Joe, for God's sake, sleep well and don't call any man, I can't stand you like this." I nodded, "You don't like me," "I'll come early tomorrow morning." He sighed. "Goodbye, Joe." He left, opened the door by himself, and closed the door by himself. I lay down on the sofa and knelt on the ground. It was such a powerful drink. No one wanted me, and they all left with the door closed. The doorbell rang again, and Peter came back?I struggled to open the door, knelt down again, my legs seemed to be made of cotton, I staggered towards the door, I denied being drunk, my limbs were loose and comfortable.

The door opened, and there was snow all over the place.It's snowing, I think.It's not cold when the wind blows. "Joe!" Not Peter. "Mr. Navein." I supported the door, "Mr. Navein." "Joe, what's the matter with you?" "You came to see me, you came to see me." I cried, "I saw your wife today!" "Joe, you're drunk." He pulled me into the house, closed the door, and put me on the sofa, "Joe, I was really worried about you, so I had to come here again, Joe, why? I've known you for twenty years You got married a year ago, why are you like this? I usually see you are fine——Joe."

I looked at him, fell on him well and cried.My tears and snot stained his shirt, and my whole body was hanging on him, rubbing his clothes so badly.I am not drunk. "I'm not drunk." I insisted all the time, the wine relaxed me, and my mind was clear. "Don't do this." He always maintained a good temper. My face was so blurred that my eyes and nose were out of shape, he kissed my lips through my tears, again and again.I kiss him back. "I love you," I remember saying, "I love you, Mr. Navean." he laughed. Because I said Mr. Navean. He did not leave that night.

I woke up in the middle of the night with a splitting headache.He was sitting on the edge of the bed, his tie undone, and he was drinking tea. I got up and washed my face, combed my hair, took painkillers, and changed my clothes. I said, "What time is it?" "Three forty-five." I look at him. "Sorry." "Are you sober?" "Yes. Wake up, now I can concentrate on seducing you." I laugh. "You're too modest, Jo. You don't have to seduce anyone. We men come up and deliver." I laughed. "I didn't know you could be this humorous, Mr. Navean."

He smiled too, he was a lovely man.I looked at him like looking at a precious antique, and I reached out to touch his hair. I always respect him, except when I'm drunk. "Why did you come back to see me?" "I'm worried." "Are you -responsible to me?" I asked. "Take full responsibility." He took my hand. "That's enough," I kissed his hand, "thank you, I don't want you to marry me, or love me, I just want to hear that." "I'm sorry, Joe." "You're not leaving tonight, Bill?" I asked.

"—I'm not leaving." "I'm going to start my seduction work now." I said solemnly. "Have you figured it out?" he asked. "I've been thinking about it for too long." "Joe—" "Don't say anything more, Mr. Navein, be quiet." He doesn't ring.I hugged him gently.I know I'm younger than him, I know I'm young enough to be his daughter, I know a lot, but I still do things I shouldn't.I don't care anymore. It was a quarter past three in the morning. I don't regret it at all. I lay in his arms and lit a cigarette. He frowned and gently took my cigarette away. I watched him closely, "How was it just now?" I asked.

He looked at me. "Joe, why are you acting so frivolous? Does it make me feel better?" I carried him behind my back and kept silent. It's useless, he is my professor, I was taught by him, I can't hide anything from him, it's useless. "You haven't slept with anyone, have you?" he asked gently. "I know I don't have experience," I said briskly. "It's not that I'm a good girl and I don't have a chance." "Joe—" "Stop saying you're sorry blah blah blah, I'm willing." "Let's all stop talking and go to sleep." "It's a teacher." I replied. He didn't smile.He was still wearing a watch, and I could hear his watch ticking at four-fifteen. I said, "It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Navean, and I will never regret it." He said nothing.He is not asleep.I fell asleep. I got up earlier than him, and he didn't get up until I changed my clothes. I was going away, took the bag, kissed him, put a door key in his hand, kissed him, and hurried downstairs without saying a word.After leaving the gate and starting the car, I regretted not making breakfast for him.Next time, I thought. When I arrived at the office, I was very happy.But because of the hangover and lack of sleep, I don't wear much makeup, and my complexion is not very good-looking. Peter came over immediately, he knelt down and asked me: "What's the matter with you? Are you okay?" He said in a low voice, "I was going to call you, but I didn't expect you to come to work." I suddenly remembered what happened last night, half blushed, so I had to give him a big smile, silly. He suddenly kissed my nose quickly, and he sighed, "I should have hit myself, I'm so stupid, how did I get away yesterday? But who will hurt you?" I lowered my head and pretended to sort out the files without making a sound. "Are you okay today?" "I'm very happy, thank you, Peter." "Happy?" He looked at me in surprise. "Yes, Peter, let me tell you, I have a bag that I've carried on my back for twenty years. It's heavy and tiring and stuffy. I found someone yesterday and gave it to him. He said he would Responsible, so I am happy." He froze, "What's in the bag?" He asked. "My feelings." He hung his head. "Ah, you found him. Who is he?" "That man," I said. "The one with the wife." I lowered my eyes, "Yes." "Your former professor?" Peter said. "Yes." I replied. "If you want my opinion—he's a beast." I actually laughed, and I said, "Peter, I didn't ask for your opinion." Peter went back to his place, blue with rage.He didn't say a word to me all day afterwards. I knew he was a good person, and he was doing it for my own good. Unfortunately, no one who was good for me could make me happy. I was tired that day, but unexpectedly worked a lot and talked a lot.After get off work I said goodbye to Peter, he ignored me, I kissed his face, he didn't turn his back, I shrugged and said: "Childish!" He turned his head suddenly, I saw tears in his eyes, I was surprised. "I'm a fool," he said, getting up and walking away. I feel sorry, since he is so small, I can't help it. When I got back to the house, I was on a whim, and I was very excited. I cooked a big pot of beef, yams, and potatoes. . I didn't expect Bill to come. He rang the bell first, and I went to open the door, but I saw him standing at the door with a smile on his face, and I said pleasantly, "Why don't you use the key?" He lowered his head and asked me, "Is there anyone else in your room?" "Yes," I laughed, "there are two dozen little hooligans, and they all hid when they heard the doorbell." He hit me on the head lightly and closed the door. "Smells good, what to eat?" I laughed, "It's the first time I've moved in to cook food, and you bumped into it, do you want to eat it?" "Okay, I haven't eaten yet." We sat in the kitchen and I looked at him, "Bill." I couldn't help but kiss him. "You have to go to bed early today." He watched me closely. "Sure. Are you—okay?" I asked. "Very good," he said. "Is school very busy?" I asked. "I'm very busy, I'm used to it." He said while eating. I laughed, "Did any female students wink at you?" "You didn't wink at me back then," he said. "But I love you, isn't that enough?" He wiped his mouth and smiled. "It smells good. I'll wash the dishes for you." "No, just sit there and don't move. We Chinese don't like men doing housework." I said. "thanks." I paused, "Home—how is it?" He didn't say anything. "You didn't go back last night." I reminded him. "I think she already knows the clue, but she just doesn't talk." He said, "I want to think about it, and I will tell her sooner or later." "You want to divorce her?" "I can't be with two women at the same time." "A lot of men can." "I feel guilty." "You love her, don't you?" I asked. "It's been so many years." "I'm sorry, I will never ask you such a thing again." "You have the right to ask." "I didn't. You're a free man." "Are you free too?" he asked. "Is there a day when I come to you and open the door and come in and it's just an empty room?" "I love you." "How long have you been in love?" "long time." "Will you marry me?" He asked suddenly. This question caught me off guard.marry him?The vice president of a small university, a foreigner, has two children, I never thought of marrying him.I know I love him, but getting married is another matter. I said, "You can't marry me." "I'm too old?" "No, you can't remarry!" He drank a cup of coffee, holding the cup silently. I sat behind him and hugged his waist, "Will you come to see me tomorrow?" "I try to come every day." "Thank you." "You are a silly girl." "There are too many smart people in the world, it's good to have a few idiots to decorate." "What do you like about me?" He asked me softly. "Facing you, I have a sense of security. Now I know that no matter what, you will always forgive me and be responsible to me." "There are plenty of boys who will love you, Jo." "Who? They came, they went, invited me to watch a show, have a meal, and maybe never show up again next time, who knows a thick phone book, when will it be my turn again? No matter how happy you are, it's fake It's a bit of a scumbag to sit at home all day waiting for the phone to ring and then go out. You're different, Bill, and you're dependable," I said. "I also missed an appointment." "I had long forgotten." "Joe, I'm going to marry you—" "This is your business," I said slowly, "I will not force you to marry me. I want to marry so urgently that I will not be with you! I just want to know that you love me and will not forget I, those who care about me, that's enough. It's already difficult, maybe it will be more complicated, you will blame me, and as for Mrs. Navan, I feel sorry for her." My tears flowed again, I really Love to cry. He doesn't ring. After a long time he said, "For the first time I wish I was still young." "I'm yours," I said, "and I'm going to tell you how lonely I am. Sitting in a small dormitory all year round, the only joy I have is attending your classes. I'm so bored, writing Your name is painted on one sheet after another. I often miss you, and indeed I miss you. For three years, I have been so lonely, my homework has always been tight, I have never been concentrated, and my dreams at night are still you and your cosmic rays, I have loved you for three years." He smiled, "I don't know at all. You have so many boyfriends, no matter where you see you, you are always the center, and everyone surrounds you. It is still difficult for me to find a time to talk. Fortunately, you actually chose me in the third year." homework to do." "I'm not a good student, I'm stupid." I said. "I wish I could teach a few more bad students like you." He looked at me. "You really love me?" "How many times do you want me to tell you?" he asked softly. "If you're not tired of hearing it, I love you, Bill," I said. He sighed. I was so happy to see him, more happy than having the whole world, at least part of him was mine, someone I admired, someone I loved. He looked into my eyes, "That mark hasn't faded yet." "It's okay." I said, "It's just that I cough when it's cold, and the trachea is not good. The complications that time were very serious." "It was all my fault," he said. "I forgive you very much." I looked sideways at him. He laughed again. I said, "Listen to your American accent, your compatriots will soon lose you." "What about my accent?" he asked. "I always listen to your lectures in a daze, the handwriting in the notes is scribbled, and the exam questions are terribly deep. You are really not a good professor!" "Yes, and careless, not taking care of the students—" "Forget about that." I laughed, "Have you finished your coffee yet?" He put down the glass. I said, "Put on your glasses and let me see you like that." "Not on me." He smiled, "I'm about to wear reading glasses." "I don't mind, you are always beautiful." How time flies, when he is around, how time flies, just a few hours in a blink of an eye. "I'm going back," he said. I nodded, my heart sank.It's useless, sooner or later he will leave, it doesn't matter how good I pretend, my face is probably dark, there are more and more of him, the more greedy I want him to stay longer.I am but a man. However, he said he wanted to go back, and it was useless for me to keep him.He's a professor, not a kid, and he knows what he wants.Even a child knows how to reach out for what he wants after all. I didn't even ask when he was coming back, I just said, "Goodbye." "You really let me hide the key?" I nod. "Thank you," he said. he's gone.That's it.If he didn't come, it would be easier to pass the night. He came and left, and I was a little dazed.His wife is a lucky woman.According to my understanding of him, he will never divorce her in his life. According to my understanding, he should never come to this kind of place with me. Maybe he really loves me, maybe he is just a person. Is this what I'm going to do from now on? Waiting for him after work every day? It seems that there is no future, but people can't say it, people can't say it.My life is just like this, happy for a while, unhappy for a while, my life is nothing more than that. Sometimes I want to go to school and meet him.One morning after get off work, I went to the university and asked the school office where Mr. Navan was, they told me, I went to him, he was giving a lecture.He was really in high spirits, through the glass, I suddenly understood why I loved him so much. He was slightly bent over, his shirt sleeves rolled up, and he pointed at the blackboard with one hand.His hair was curly and rather long, he had a mustache on his upper lip, and there was a serious amiability about his face which attracted students to him.The students sitting in the classroom like this also have expressions of admiration. At least part of him is mine, I think. He said: "——At that time, sitting next to me, the experimenter with me was an extremely reckless woman. This lady had murderous desires. I was almost murdered by her more than six times. Her tricks were endless—" This is a The new story, which I had never heard before, made the students roar with laughter.He likes to tell lab jokes. Then suddenly he said: "——problems that adults can't think of, children can think of, my daughter said——" I was stunned.His daughter, he is the father of others.His daughter, although he didn't talk about his daughter to me, he told his students.It's true, he has a wife and he has a family. I am suddenly a little tired, I am struggling alone with his family, how long will it take?I dare not think about it. I looked in through the glass window again, and he had already dismissed get out of class. I went around to the entrance, knocked twice on the door, and he looked up. "Joe!" He smiled and was surprised. I walked over and couldn't resist kissing him on the cheek. He didn't avoid it, and he wasn't afraid of being seen. I am happy again. "When did you come?" He packed up the handouts. "Just overheard someone intending to murder you more than six times." I said with a smile. he laughed. "Going to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee?" I asked. "Okay, you remember cafeteria coffee," he said. I walk beside him.It's like two or three years ago, when I walked beside him.In and out, for that experiment, and now he's mine—my who?I looked at him and he was so touching. "Look at what?" He asked with a smile, "Count my gray hairs?" I didn't make a sound, just smiled stupidly, it was all worth it after all. His smile is so attractive, I sat down with him in the dining hall, and immediately a few students came up to talk to him, I listened patiently, being his shadow, I smiled at him through his students. Then he leaned over slightly and said to me, "Shall we go now?" I nod. He apologized to his students: "We'll discuss that tomorrow." I followed him, and the young kids looked at me suspiciously. But he didn't mind, he took my hand.His hands are warm and strong. "Why are you free to visit me today?" he asked. "I miss you." I said. "I miss you too," he said. Some professors remembered me, and I nodded to them and walked out of the school. "Where are we going?" he asked me. "Anywhere in particular?" "We've already danced," I laughed, "I just want to see you, lock you up in the house, face you all day and night, okay?" He smiled, "It didn't take long for me to get goosebumps." "Hey, Bill, why do you keep saying things like that?" "I always warn you." "Do you really have time?" "Yes. I just wanted to call you. I'm going to stay at your house for a week, can I?" "Really?" I asked in surprise. "Really," he said. It occurred to me that maybe Mrs. Navan had gone home with the baby, so he could live with me when he was free.One week, what a great opportunity, I'm elated. "Great, Bill, I swear I won't bother you, and you bring all your work to my house, okay?" "Okay." He said with a smile. He moved in with a small suitcase of clothes. I took a week off to be with him. He doesn't have classes every day, sometimes only for a few hours.I cook for him, get vegetables and coffee, and I do all the things I didn't do before, and I'm unbelievably happy, and I can see that he is happy too. In the middle of the night, I drove with him in the car, speeding up to the point where the car roared and flew, and he said I was an adventurer and couldn't stand it.We were hungry when we got home, so we ate Italian white wine and cheese sandwiched with bread, with relish. "What kind of life is this?" he asked me. "Better than a hippie." I lean on him.I don't want anything in this world, but him. He smokes a pipe and I light for him. I made a lot of Chinese dishes and ate with chopsticks. I just realized that I didn't have the slightest conflict when I was with him. If we can get married, there is basically no problem in life. One night he said to me, "Joe, being with you is like tasting honey." I didn't answer.