Chapter 4 fourth quarter

I look up. "When you look at me and smile, I think: Every girl's smile is cute, she's just polite, she's a good kid, and she respects her teacher. When your eyes shine, I think: She Young, she has the whole world. Then you go back. Seeing you on the road again, I think I misread, but you greet me, you come to me, I think it is a coincidence. Every time I see you, I always There is a sense of crime, I am a middle-aged man with family responsibilities. But I yearn for your smile, do you think I am wrong?" He said slowly, his tone was calm and gentle of.His eyes fell on the teacup.

I held out a trembling hand.He took my hand. "Joe, we all have irrational desires," he said. I moved the corners of my mouth, but made no sound. "I am a married man," he said, "I only wish I were as young as you." I raised my eyes, the look on his face was serious. I said: "I don't want your youth, I want you like this, I like you like this." I was very stubborn. He smiled and held my face. "Your innocence," he said, "your stubbornness, your cleverness, and your eagerness to learn, I have never seen a student like you."

I shook my head, "I'm a fool." I said. He said, "Joe, you shouldn't think so highly of me." I asked, "Are you cute?" He was silent, and after a while, he said, "Yes, I love you." My heart ached, "I don't know." "How can I tell you?" he asked gently. "I shouldn't have told you at all." "You don't know that I love you?" He continued to smile, "Why did you ever love me? You are a child, and you are lonely in a foreign country. You live alone in such a big house without a partner, so you think so."

I said, "Maybe, I left home and came back, but for you." "not true." "Mr Navean, you know I don't lie." "Joe—" "Trust me." I whispered. He didn't make a sound, just plucked my hair with his hands. I said, "I'm...happy, and you love me too...just don't think I'm a student, a child, think I'm a woman, I'm a woman." Navan sighed. I forced a smile.But he had children and a family, he was a good man, he had a deep-rooted sense of responsibility.I buried my face in his palm, what can I do?I need him so badly.

"Tomorrow is a holiday, I will come to see you again, go to bed early today. Be careful when driving, and be careful not to catch a cold." "Listen, treat me like a daughter." "You can indeed be my daughter." "You are not old, who says you are old." "I'm forty-seven," he said. "Joe, you're only twenty." "Twenty-one years old." I corrected him. "Even if you are twenty-one years old, what's the difference?" "One year's difference." I said stubbornly, "I was still at home a year ago."

"Okay." He said goodbye, very politely. He said he would come see me tomorrow. The next day I waited silently from four o'clock in the afternoon until six o'clock, but he still hadn't come.Did he come to eat?I'm still hungry.But I didn't complain, I knew it was inevitable, he was a man with a family and a job, how could he just walk away?There is always time to find an excuse.I sighed, if I want someone to be there on time, I can find a young man who has nothing to do when he has a full meal, but is dizzy and go through fire and water for his girlfriend. However, young people these days are not so innocent, and they are also very bad. They eat from bowls and look into pots, and if something goes wrong, they will fly over other branches. I'd better wait patiently.

Obviously, my road to love has not been smooth, and I struggled a little tired at the beginning, but he is indeed what I love and what I want.I thought it was an extraordinary relationship, but in the eyes of others, it was very ordinary. I leaned on the sofa and stared blankly at the TV. The TV screen was beating and there was no sound. Is all the waiting like this?There is no sound.The phone may ring at any moment, and I sigh again. He said he loves me, what kind of love is it?Or was he afraid that something would happen to me if I was emotionally unstable, so he stopped me with words? I look at the clock, six thirty, seven o'clock.

There was only a period of time when he was with me every day, the three weeks when I hurt my eyes.But those days will never come back.I think of home.Maybe I should go home, in such a far place, in such a strange place, what is the result?Yet I waited. At eight o'clock, I made some things and ate them indiscriminately, thinking that he probably wouldn't come, so I had to go upstairs. His wife might have been suspicious about yesterday.Or he really can't get away today, but he shouldn't even call.All men may be the same, but he must be an exception anyway—or is he the same at all?

Every time a car passed by outside the window, I thought it was him. I smiled wryly, and smiled wryly at the mirror, why do you look like this?Eating your parents' food, wearing your parents' clothes, but your relationship is controlled by an irrelevant man, it's already so painful before it starts, what good is it? If we leave now, there is still time. But I didn't go. He didn't come.No phone call either. He did. I am very disappointed and also very discouraged. I'm telling the truth, but he thinks I'm joking?Or do you believe me to be the truth and get scared?I do not understand.

All I know is that he promised to come and didn't. I didn't go to him, I didn't go home, I drove around by myself, a week's vacation seemed so long. I bumped into Peter on the road, the male co-worker who used to ask me out. He stopped me, he said with a smile: "Joe, where are you going?" I looked up and saw it was him, so I had to say a few words to him. He said, "Joe, if you're free, I'll buy you a drink." "Don't waste your time, Peter." I laughed. "Wasting time? What do you mean?" he asked rhetorically. "You will be exhausted. Please go to the theater to eat and drink. It costs money and time. We Chinese girls don't kiss and go to bed with others."

Peter's face was slowly flushing, he was a good-looking boy, and he was a little naive when he was angry, and he said: "Jo, I don't know if the girls in this country jump in bed--" "I'm sorry," I said hastily, "I'm being serious." "You have to apologize, I have no such idea! You are a lovely girl, it's only natural to ask you out, if you like to kiss me-I don't mind, I won't force you anyway." I laughed and put my hands in my coat pockets. He sighed and looked at me helplessly. I said, "Come on, Peter! I'll buy you a drink." "Really?" He was overjoyed. I looked at his blond hair and blue eyes and nodded, "Really." I said. I put my arm through his and we walked to the nearest bar. He talked a lot, and I listened silently. Peter was talking about his parents, his brothers, his college years, his career prospects, his ambitions, his— Then he suddenly turned to me, "Joe, do you have a boyfriend?" I shook my head slowly. "I used to think you had a boyfriend over there." "No." "Perhaps your parents object to your associating with white people?" he asked again. "Not necessarily," I said, "they're not stubborn." "Then one by one" I went on, "Friends are hard to find, Peter." "You don't like me?" He asked naively. "I like you, Peter." It was true. "Thank you, Joe." He patted the back of my hand. I laughed. He is a good companion, as I explained at the beginning, he is a good companion. We talked for a while, and I told him that I was leaving, but he didn't keep me, and generously wanted to send me back. He didn't have a car, but I sent him off, and he was a little embarrassed. He said, "Joe, I'll call you." I smile.Well, it's time for the phone at home to ring too. I flew the car back and stopped at the door.Looking for the key and opening the door, a figure appeared beside me—"Joe." I was startled, the handbag and newspaper fell to the ground, he helped me pick it up, it was him. I said coldly, "Hello, Mr. Navean." He was leaning over, and when he heard my sarcastic voice, he raised his head and was stunned. He didn't mind: "I've been waiting for you for a long time." I didn't ring, opened the door, and he followed me in. "Your phone is broken, and I couldn't get through for three days." I was stunned, "Really?" I immediately grabbed the phone, but there was no sound at all, it was really broken, when did it break?What a coincidence, I was silent. "I'm worried about you." He sat down. "I'm worried when I don't see you. It's my responsibility to feel like you're here alone—I've been worried about you ever since your eye hurt," I don't ring. "I didn't come out that day, my wife, she is at home with a cold, and I have to take care of the children." He said, "You must be angry." I look at the back of his neck.I don't say anything, I've already forgiven him, I'm not even mad at him at all, he doesn't have to explain, I love him, any time he comes, I'll turn off other appointments. it's incomprehensible. He was sitting on the couch and I was standing behind him. "Joe," he said, "I love you." My face slowly turned red. "Not loving you like a child," he said affirmatively. "Yes, teacher." I said. I put my hand on his shoulder. He took my hand and turned to look at me. A smile slowly spread across my face, and I leaned down to kiss his forehead. It was the first time I kissed him, and he shuddered and sighed. "I am a sinner," he said. "I induced you to commit a crime." I sat down beside him. "No. I began to love you a long time ago, Jo." "Before I loved you?" I asked. "Impossible." "You've grown up." He looked at me. "You were very childish in college, I remember." "Who said that? I'm the best." I said. He smiled, "Are you good? You are still fighting with male classmates, why are you good?" Nafan said. "Who told you?" I wondered, "They made fun of me, so I threw the whole schoolbag over, making a mess of notes, rulers, and books. Once in all, everyone laughed half to death." "They said in the teaching office, I heard it." "The teacher also said that the students are right and wrong?" I laughed. He looked at me again. "Mr Naveen." I put my arms around his neck. "Twenty-one years old," he said. I let go, "I'll make tea for you." "Make it thicker." "Don't criticize." I said. While drinking tea, he said hesitantly, "We can't meet like this." I was taken aback and laughed out loud, "This is a typical dialogue in comics. The man said to his lover: We can't meet like this." He doesn't ring. I regretted it right away, I shouldn't have been so rude. I bowed my head and said quickly, "I'm sorry—what else?" "I'd love to see you," he said. "Thank you." "But I have a wife—" "I already knew it, and I don't mind." "It's not fair." "Love is rarely just." He doesn't ring. "Maybe people think it's me who is wrong—it's not easy to find a boyfriend, you've been married for decades, but I come here to kick you—but I can't control myself, I don't like other men anymore. I'm sorry for you .” He is silent. "I don't want you to leave the family. It's impossible. It's useless to think about it. I just want to see you once. I don't know how many times I can see you. Maybe if you leave today, I will see you again later." I won’t come anymore, but I don’t care much about the future, that’s unthinkable.” I explained blankly, tears streaming down my face.I have been a crybaby for years. He stared at me. "I should stay away from you," he said. "There are a lot of things that should be done, but it's a pity that none of us are made of refined steel, we are all flesh and blood." He wiped my tears for me. I kissed his lips, his lips were familiar, as if I had kissed him many, many times in my memory.He avoids me, yet holds me. "You don't leave tonight," I said. "Not good for you." "I don't want to be nice." I said, "I'm afraid it's not good for you." "Sometimes you're great, Jo, and I'm going home, you know. Unless I'm going to divorce her. I'll think about it, and I'll never let you down." He paused. "I'll never harm you." "You didn't know that you harmed me. You can't accompany me at night. I hope you will accompany me all day." "I promise you, Jo, I'll come and see you early Saturday morning." "I hope Mrs. Navan doesn't have a cold," I said sarcastically. He was too guilty to make a sound. "I'm sorry, but anyway, if you tell me I'm amazing, I have no choice but to be sharp-tongued, so as not to disappoint you." "I gotta go." "Goodbye." I opened the door for him. He put on his coat and kissed me on the forehead. I won't beg him to stay, it's useless to beg, he should know his choice.Closing the door, I sighed. This weekend is the last vacation, and it's time to get to work.Peter called and told me to go out and I said I had a date.He said angrily, "You promised me to be ahead, and you said you would go out with me when you were free." I explained, "I'm sorry Peter, but he's different. I've been waiting for news from him. My phone is broken and he hasn't contacted me." It’s me, that’s why it’s late.” Peter asked, “Is he your boyfriend?” I said, “Peter, I’m honest with you, I treat you as a friend, he’s his husband.” Peter was bored After a while: "Ah." He said. Peter's voice was sympathetic and I hung up the phone. Early Saturday morning, while I was still in bed, he came. He rang the bell, I jumped out of bed, ran down to open the door, I hugged him and laughed, changed my clothes immediately, we all had breakfast, and went for a walk in the park. I ate lunch at a Chinese restaurant, went to the movies after dinner, drank coffee after the movie, and went home for dinner. I asked, "Can you dance with me? I haven't danced for a long, long time." He said, "How can I refuse you?" "You're a nice guy," I said. "Call me Bill." "I'm not used to Mr. Navan who has been called for so long." I said with a smile. "Have a good time today?" "Happy, Bill, it's so beautiful, Bill, if every Saturday is like this, I'll lose twenty years of my life, Bill." I laughed, "I'm going to practice calling your name more." he laughed. We go to a trendy nightclub to dance, no matter what the music is, I always dance four steps with him, I look at him, I don't know why, I feel an indescribable, inexplicable satisfaction in my heart, I laugh, and dance and dance Laugh, can't help it. "Joe, I can see you're happy." "Yes." I said. What is there to be happy about?I can't figure it out either. He sighed and said: "Every time I am with you, I feel that I exist, only you pay attention to me. In college and at home, I am just a piece of furniture. I am really tired." I nod. We sit until one o'clock. Then I said, "You're going back." "Yes." He smiled, "You can really play, from nine in the morning to one in the morning, I am too old to accompany you like this often." "Then you sit aside, I'll find someone else to dance." I laughed. "I was just afraid you would do that." "No, Bill, when you're tired, I'll sit with you for a long, long time, I promise you." "I'm afraid I'll get bored soon." He smiled wryly. "I'm not lying to you, I'm definitely not that kind of woman." I said seriously, "Please believe me." "Joe." He lifted my chin. He got home about half past one.I was a little uneasy, I was really greedy and made things difficult for him.Maybe Mrs. Navan became suspicious together, and it would be even harder to see him in the future. Did you have anything to do that night?He didn't mention it. After the holidays, I still go to work every day. Peter sometimes comes to my place for tea, and he has become a good friend of mine, and I sometimes talk to him about my thoughts. He said: "I don't understand you. If it were me, knowing that the man I love has been sleeping with his wife, I can't stand it." I laughed, "Of course he's going to sleep with his wife, they're legal, Peter, you're weird." Peter almost fainted, "I wonder? God! You Chinese..." "Don't mention your nationality, okay?" I asked him. "Well, well, let's just say love is weird, right?" he said. I am silent. He's a married man, I know that well.It's not his fault, it's just me.I have men from all over the world to choose from, why should I only fall in love with him?The worst thing is that he likes me, neither of us has room for evasion.Unless it's a joke: rely on society. Peter is very generous and he loves being with me.He said: "If your sweetheart comes, just ask me to leave, I don't mind. You can see me after work, when you go out on the street, when you see your lover, and if you have time." I was so moved that I could only smile. Sometimes I regret it, regretting that things turned out like this.Like that afternoon, I went to the street to buy canned food, and I was choosing stockings in the supermarket. I was vigorously picking colors, and someone put a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and saw that familiar face, my heart was beating and my hands were sweating, my face was pale, and I was half scared to death. She is Mrs Naveen. I think damn it, why do you come to this supermarket to buy things?Where is it bad? I held stockings in my hand and looked at her stupidly, as if a thief was caught by the victim. She asked: "Is that Joe? Long time no see, are you busy? Why don't you come to our house? I just mentioned it to Bill yesterday, and Bill said maybe you're too busy at work." Her voice is kind and loyal. I was silent. "Look, you're so thin and you don't look very good. Have you taken good care of yourself?" Mrs. Navan's tone was genuinely concerned. With trembling hands, I put the stocking back in place. I said, "I'm -- fine, thank you, just busy with work." "Bill is also very busy, he hardly has time to stay at home," she smiled, "I was joking with him, Bill, you have an affair, right? You run out all day." I almost choked and coughed quickly. "Let's go upstairs and have a cup of tea, Joe," she said. "I'm tired too." I couldn't refuse, so I had to take the large and small cans to the counter to pay, and went to drink tea with her holding a paper basket. She is old, and women are like this. Once she gets old, everything will collapse, and there will be no salvation.I feel towards her like I am towards an old woman.What is a woman who is nearly fifty years old if she is not an old woman? But what about me?One day, I will also be old. At that time, a girl in her early twenties will come to snatch my husband, what should I do?I had a horrible feeling, my whole body was cold, I covered my face with my hands, life is extremely terrible. Mrs. Navan asked worriedly, "Joe, are you out of spirits?" "I'm sorry. I'm tired." "Do you have a boyfriend? Sometimes you get tired when you're bored. I think you're always alone. You Chinese girls are so well behaved. To be honest, I'm already worried about my daughter." She said with a smile. I listened palely. She said, "You know Bill? What do you think of him?" I was startled, "Mr. Navan?" "You are so polite. You have graduated for many years, and you still call him Mr. Navan." "He? He—a gentleman." "Yes, so many years of marriage—but a girl friend recently came and told me she saw him dancing with a young woman." I am silent. "I think she's mistaken." I am silent.The British don't complain.Especially not to mention personal emotional issues.What did she mean by saying that to me?Do you doubt me?If you doubt me, you should speak out without probing. Mrs. Navan sighed. "I care too much, think about it. He doesn't earn much, and he's not too young. What other girl would like him?" Not necessarily, he is an attractive man, it's just that she has been with him for a long time and no longer feels it. "And dancing? Bill hasn't danced for ten or twenty years," said Mrs. Naveen. I finished my tea. She said, "I'm sorry, Joe, for telling you these things." "It's all right, Mrs Naveen." "Come over to our house for dinner, okay? I'll ask Bill to call you." I nodded and said, "Mrs. Navan, I really have to go back." "Okay, goodbye, I'll rest for a while." "goodbye." I hurried down the supermarket without even stepping on the escalator.Pushing open the glass door, a gust of wind blew up, and I shivered. The whole shirt was wet and stuck to my back. It turned out that I was sweating profusely just now. I looked at the sky and sighed.