Chapter 41 creation

After participating in Sister Li Jing's "Emotional Equation" for more than a year, once, my dear mother, after probably enduring it for a long time, one day, taking advantage of everyone's excitement, she suddenly said to me: "Every time I watch it on TV. When I saw you talking there, I was terrified, and I wished I could call all my relatives and friends out to go shopping, lest they see you!" "?!" I was puzzled, and what came to my mind were superficial and direct reasons such as "not photogenic enough". My mother took a look at me. In her eyes, I looked like a freak. It seemed that she was embarrassed to use this word because I was born by her, but it was obvious from her tone that This means: "Think about it, you are a girl, there is a sign in front of you, it says that your occupation is 'writer', and then, I heard you talking nonsense there, and you have all kinds of emotions that you have never experienced All the questions are actively expressing various opinions, tsk tsk tsk, it's too scary, I can't even think about it!"

I love my mother very much, and I understand her feelings very well, but I don’t understand such a strange situation: I don’t know when it started. If it’s a woman, the age happens to be between 20 and 35, and she claims to be "Writers" (especially those who have something to do with "emotion") somehow become a shameful or obscure thing. But what should be written on the sign in front of me? Even if you don't say "writer" and say "freelance writer" euphemistically, it still sounds like a jerk.It's fine if you're a jerk—"Hunter" can be interpreted differently for men—but it's not so easy for women to let go of it.

Yes, my career has always been a question that bothers me and those around me. Even many of my acquaintances think they don't understand it, and they often point it out mercilessly, which is sometimes very embarrassing. This probably can’t be blamed on other people. I don’t know when, every time someone asks this question, I will be used to being stunned, and then my eyes will turn unnaturally twice under the cover of contact lenses, which looks like an expression of lying. .If you are not familiar with it, you will probably doubt whether my next answer is honest.This kind of situation has been encountered many times, and I will choose the answer that I think is appropriate according to the situation at that time.

"I am XX's cousin", "I am XX's manager", "I am a member of XX", "I am a loyal lover of XX desserts". The more I talk, the more confused I become. In fact, the definitive answer is not so difficult to say.It’s like this: My usual job to make money is to run my own public relations company, and to help creatively promote various products.However, at present, when the concept of "public relations" is vague and practitioners have all kinds of virtues, this has also become a "prefer not to mention" business. This makes people embarrassing, "writer" is not successful, and "public relations" is not much better!

A friend of mine married herself off in a hurry before the fabled "year of the widow".A few days before she got married, she had a heart-to-heart talk with a few good friends at my house. Halfway through the conversation, the girl suddenly said sadly that after she got married, she would be named her husband's surname.Thinking that a good girl we are familiar with will be called "Kameda xx" in the future life - she is married to a Japanese - it sounds completely out of proportion to her handsome appearance, everyone is quite resentful, except me. Regardless of the great love and hatred of the nation, deep down, I may still vaguely retain the remnants of some kind of feudal cancer. Therefore, I secretly feel that being named my husband's surname after marriage is a very sweet and glorious thing —Of course I can never imagine that my surname is Kameda!Hehe, no offense intended.Yeah, even if it had to be there are some beautiful choices like "Zhima" or something.

If one day, I am called Chen Qiuwei, Lin Qiuwei or Zhimo Qiuwei, I will accept it with pleasure. Apart from the remnants of patriarchy in my heart, there is also how much I care about clarifying my identity! If I don’t have to continue to make poor and worse choices between “writer” and “public relations”, then I would rather use the one-size-fits-all method of “according to my husband’s surname” to give myself and others a decent account: “Hello! Mosimo West! Thunder Monkey! Bangshu! I'm Mrs. X." Of course, since this is yet another huge project, in the new year's "Emotional Equation", a simple title that has nothing to do with these has barely appeared in front of my name: "radio host".

Although this occupation does not account for a large proportion of my work, at least it is less conspicuous and seems much safer. However, sometimes I can't help but think back, who, or what, caused the result of "being a female writer is shameful"? have no idea. Not long ago, I read in a newspaper that the famous director Tian Zhuangzhuang said, "We now lack a sense of sanctity in movies, which is quite scary." I'm not sure if putting that sentence out on its own is an accurate representation of what he meant. Anyway, just interpreting it out of context, this sentence is already worthy of emotion and vigilance.

Think about it, in fact, the things that "we" lack a sense of sacredness are not just movies. Saying this, it seems to cut off one's own escape route. The implication is that if one wants to retain the sense of sanctity of creation, it seems that it is difficult to have enough reasons to excuse oneself: since everyone is alert, why do they still have the courage to put These things become publications. It's a real dilemma... Just working hard every day is obviously not enough. Saying to myself that "the mood is sacred" is really hypocritical and not convincing.

What about the rest? What else do you need? About ten years ago, when I was in college, I listened to Li Zongsheng's "When Love is a Past" in the school cafeteria one evening.I was obsessed with listening to it, so I got carried away, didn't control my mouth, and accidentally slipped out a heartfelt sentence to a senior at the same table: "If I can write such a song in my life, I will die without regret. .” He ignored my death-threatening exclamation, and said with a rational and disdainful smile: "Ah? How dare you have such an idea?! I don't even have it!"

I majored in composition in college, and that senior was one of the most influential people in the department. With the school education we received at that time, he looked down on popular music very much. Therefore, at least one of the themes of the above short dialogue is quite clear, that is, "When Love Is Gone" is indeed a rare masterpiece. Also in the same year, I spent a semester of spare time writing a novel of less than 50,000 words called "Hollow", which was the first novel I finished in my life.Because there was no computer at that time, it was completely handwritten, so after I finished it, I bought a new notebook with trepidation and transcribed it again. My classmate Miao Miao also helped me draw the cover with fine brushwork.

Then I showed it to the only writer I knew at the time. That writer and my good friend, A Yi, after reading it (I’m not sure whether he read it, because he never mentioned the plot of the novel), said to me: “Give up, write Fiction needs genius." We were running on the Second Ring Road in Beijing at that time, and this made me shed a tear for no reason. Ah Yi just got his driver's license, and was driving his brand new Beijing Jeep very attentively, so he had no time to notice my facial expressions. tears. Ten years later, it turned out that, sure enough, among all the classmates I knew, no one could write a work that challenged Li Zongsheng's "When Love Is A Past". Within ten years, I still insisted on writing a lot of novels or non-fiction texts, and boldly published them (maybe my bookseller "boldly"), although I always knew clearly that I really did not have what A Yi said back then. Kind of "genius". This is really a dilemma. I thought of my little sister who lived in the US for many years and learned a lot of skills, but for some reason she suddenly wanted to be a singer after returning to China.Once, she showed me her newly recorded demo.I was duty-bound, and told her a lot about the dangers and helplessness of doing this business, but she turned a deaf ear to it. Later, she just stared at me with a pair of lovely big eyes: "I heard that in China, if you want to be a singer, you have to talk to a lot of people." sleep?" I was surprised by what she said, laughed and corrected: "Sleep, not necessarily, but I'm afraid you have to endure the producer changing your work, and accept the image designed by Qixuan for you." - forgot to say , she is a creative artist - after hearing this, she first breathed a sigh of relief, but then sighed: "Then it's better to sleep!" There was light in her eyes when she said it, and I sighed in my heart: "What a young girl" Disclaimer: This girl is by no means a shameless frivolity. The point of this sentence is that I think I can understand her feelings very well. For most people who try to make "creation" a career, "creation" is as important as maintaining loyalty. Could this be considered a "sacred sense"? In other words, if it is not for the sake of perfecting the creation and not having to sleep with someone, or just creating the content of sleeping, then, even if there is no pretentious interpretation of the humility of burning incense and bathing seven times and bowing down every day, it should at least not make people feel uncomfortable. Shame on people. The sorrow of creation is suddenly reduced to the sense of weakness that cannot be changed in the established environment and is not sure whether to cater to or follow. Think of Zhang Ailing's famous saying: "Because you know, you are compassionate." I also thought of a not-so-famous saying by Eileen Chang: "Some people spend their whole lives staring at their navels and trying to find them, but other people are also interested and ask them to stare too." I also thought of Zhang Ailing's other words that didn't seem to come from her spoken language: "As long as I live, I will keep writing." Perhaps, this just sums up what "creation" means to me, including expectations, worries, and determination.