Chapter 22 8.

8. It must have been a very long time.Sansan had no idea how far he had come.It seemed that suddenly she was not that unknown senior high school girl in a key middle school, even when she was going to the bathroom, the female classmates in the lower grades pointed at her, and when she was standing alone in the cafeteria with her rice bowl at noon, the boys would Whistle at her.If Helen knew this, she would be screaming with excitement.But at that time, she had never watched the Young and Dangerous series of movies. Her favorite Hong Kong movie was "Sweet Honey".Every time I see the Mickey Mouse in Zeng Zhiwei's back, I will cry.She unknowingly turned into that eye-catching senior girl.God knows, she actually has a terrible inferiority complex.When I was a child, I saw those senior girls in physical education class. I thought they looked great with their sweatpants rolled up to their knees and their long hair tied back in a fluffy way. Braided, thin as a straw, like a twelve-year-old boy who has not grown up.So she was afraid of those unscrupulous and curious gazes poking her back.Don't they understand?Although she had two stitches on her chin and a piece of dirty white gauze, and her mother slapped her angrily in the emergency room of the hospital at night, she is not the kind of hooligan in movies or novels at all. Female.It's just how strange this time is.She remembered that the classroom converted from the music classroom was on the fifth floor, the highest floor of the school.In the spring, the entire corridor outside the classroom was already covered with admission brochures from various universities across the country.Those colorful papers are clipped to the steel wire hanging on the window with small clips, and every day when class is over, people carefully look at the densely packed words on it.The first spring rain suddenly fell on the day of Jingzhe, and the students on duty forgot to close the windows in the corridor before leaving. As a result, when they arrived at school the next morning, the papers were blown down on the floor, and after being wet by the leaking rainwater. He was trampled in a mess by the students who hurried to study early.

In the afternoon when she asked for leave to go to the hospital to have her stitches removed, she saw the first list of early admissions to colleges suddenly posted on the bulletin board at the school gate, and the name of No. 9 was the second to last.Scrawled behind his name was Public Security College.When did Number Nine decide to become a policeman?Sansan never knew this, she never knew what he wanted to do, or what they wanted to do.But now she was stunned in front of the bulletin board and realized that others already knew what she was going to do.On the first National Day after graduating from senior year of high school, Sansan crowded into the crowd and walked from Nanjing Road Pedestrian Street to the Bund to watch the lights.She saw across the road that the face of No. 9 was in the ranks of police officers in uniform standing in rows.He stared aimlessly ahead, wearing a hat made the corners of his mouth more rigid.Later, the sky began to lightly rain, but he still stood arm in arm with those who wore the same clothes, as if he didn't need to blink at all.All of them know what they are going to do, and they all know what the future will be. Even if the future they see is boring, mosaic, and foggy, at least they are all moving forward, and soon They will forget those frivolous and frivolous things in their youth, crazy love and hurt.It would be nice to be like them.During that time, everyone else was dreaming of the nightmare of the college entrance examination, only she didn't know what she was doing.She is not afraid of exams, she has never been really afraid of exams, she just feels that she is getting further and further away from that conveyor belt.Everyone deserves to be put on that conveyor belt, but no matter how much she struggles and tries she can't get any closer.While waiting for the wound on her chin to heal and go to the hospital to remove the stitches, she actually missed every minute and every second with Astro Boy crazily, but when he was not around, every minute and every second like carnival It's so unreal, it seems to be fake, she imagined it.

Removing the stitches is not as painful as imagined, and it is much better than when stitches are stitched.It was actually Sansan's birthday that day, but she couldn't remember how she celebrated her previous birthdays or whether she really celebrated her birthday.The last birthday I remember was the twelve-year-old birthday.Around her neck was a jade gift from her grandmother tied with a red silk thread. Later, when she was chasing and fighting with her cousins ​​in the alley, she fell and smashed the piece of jade that had just been hung in two. .No one knew that what hung around her neck was a handful of pebbles that her father bought from Yuhuatai for one dollar on a business trip to Nanjing.She wrapped the broken jade in a handkerchief and hid it in the drawer.She doesn't believe in evil, and if she doesn't believe that she will really be unlucky.In the end, until the red silk thread became very dirty, until the parents forgot the jade in her neck, no one knew about the civet cat's exchange for the prince.

"You keep this knife. Of course, it's best that you never use it." Astro Boy's birthday present to Sansan was a switchblade with a dark red plastic handle, which fit right into the school uniform pocket. "I won't use it." "You'd better take it with you these days. I can't come to you every day, but you have to be careful. If you go home late, you can ride as fast as you can." Both of them knew it well, although they ran so fast that day that the repeaters had no chance of success, but who knows if there will be a next time.Originally, Sansan was ready to regret it, she had already regretted hanging out with Astro Boy again, she was ready to escape back to be that fake top student who was ridiculed by him, and make one last effort to get back her father's love and love. Mom's trust, but after the stitches on the wound on the chin were removed, everything got out of control again.The fingernail-sized pride in her body grows secretly and anxiously like a mushroom cultivated in a humid area, and now she is stroking the knife in her hand, feeling that courage is like clouds rushing through the gaps between tall buildings in summer Like thick water vapor gathered to cover her body.She doesn't know how to use a knife, but fortunately she didn't really use this knife later.Putting this knife together with those fruit-flavored rubber perfume ballpoint pens and glass marbles that Astro Boy once gave her, it seemed that it was born not as a murder weapon but as a toy.

But it was really a fortnight of anxiety.Astro Boy's denim bag on his shoulders will definitely be stuffed with half a brick and the sharpened water pipe every day.He was riding so fast that one felt that even if he could escape the nets laid by repeaters and his bastard buddies, he would be drowned in the ruthless traffic of the road.Until one day, his water pipe finally completely worn out his dilapidated schoolbag during the bumps, and fell on the empty and echoless road together with the brick, and he was riding too concentratingly, taking advantage of the green light to go out Passing through one intersection after another, the shirt on the back was tightly stuck to the back, and by the time I realized it, there was only a rotten schoolbag with the zipper unzipped and a hole in it.

In the afternoon, Astro Boy swung his bicycle and escaped from two self-study classes, Sansan went to the house next to the Suzhou Creek where half of the scaffolding had just been removed.The elevator has not been built yet, and there is only a straight elevator shaft that can see the sky.Sansan followed Astro Boy and climbed up the corridors that were shining with the evening sun.The air outside is humid, and after the huge flowers of paulownia flowers withered ahead of time, green leaves began to grow one after another, and there was a sweet smell in the breath.At this time, the smelly classroom covered with moisture and the desks full of test papers and expired soda crackers that were still sitting there just now, as well as the screams and noises of the junior students outside the window were like It turned into another dream, as if she had never really been wearing the school badge and sat among them for seven obscure and bewildered years, going to and from school along the same road every day, every day. Flag-raising ceremonies are held on Mondays, and junior and senior graduation ceremonies are held at the Majestic Theater.She was crawling in the corridor that smelled of lime water, and the outside world had nothing to do with her, flocks of gray pigeons were circling in the white sky.

Finally, after passing through a door opening that was not installed, Sansan saw the room full of balloons floating on the concrete ceiling. The balloons are all pale pink and lavender.This is probably the most dreamy color that Astro Boy can think of with all his strength.He'd sat here the night before blowing up each balloon, until now he felt the smell of rubber in his mouth and his chewing muscles ached.He also dug a wooden ladder out of the construction waste on the ground floor and carried it upstairs, and then patiently used superglue to glue the balloons to the ceiling one by one.He did these things all night, but it didn't matter, not only because it was Sansan's birthday the next day, but also because he really had nothing else to do.

Datou, his only friend in the juvenile prison all these years, died a week ago, but it took him seven whole days to get the news.In the past seven days, Datou's family has held a memorial service for him sloppily. It is said that no friends were invited, because those friends of his are really disrespectful and rotten people.As for Astro Boy, how much he hated the big head at first, he once wanted to press the big head's head in the urinal and he really did.He told Sansan about this in his letter, but later they became friends.The big head's mind is not very bright, he is the worst person Astro Boy has ever seen, he is completely bad.During the days when he stayed in the juvenile detention center and waited to become an adult, no one in his family ever came to see him, and their hearts had been completely shattered by him.He was extremely lazy, and his armpits always smelled of rotten cabbage leaves in the vegetable market.During the time when he is not working and studying, he must be sleeping.The Astro Boys don't know why in the last few years they became the ones who talked about everything.He still hates big heads, and he still wants to pin him in the urinal if he can until he can't breathe.His end had already been predicted.He was beaten to death, and he was thrown beside the trash can like a rat that had been run over by a tire and disemboweled. He was wearing only a pair of underwear, and his stomach and thighs were covered with purple-red bruises.But when the big head was really dead, he shuddered, because he clearly knew that he and the big head were the same person, and they were also completely bad.There are such self-deprecating people in this world, they are garbage, and they all completely smash the hearts of all their loved ones.They knew that they should all die in the correctional facility.

Astro Boy almost crushed his big head to death in the urinal, just to make something big.Until the trainers kicked down the door of the toilet and rushed in and dragged away the child who was about to go crazy. His hair and clothes were all covered with feces and urine.He struggled desperately and kicked the floor like a playful child.He was more scared than ever, not because he almost killed the big head, but because the big head didn't struggle at all during the whole process, he let Astro Boy press him like a pile of mud or a piece of hollow wood Pour in the urinal.This feeling is that he wants to die.He didn't think it mattered at all whether he was dead or alive.He didn't want to give even the slightest effort to struggle.That year Datou was fifteen years old and Astro Boy was fourteen years old.He was terrified, he was screaming and crying throughout.He saw the grown-ups flocking towards Big Head in panic, shouting and scrambling.Afterwards, Datou recalled that time, his nostrils were filled with a mixture of urine and disinfectant, but he felt that this was the most meaningful moment in his short life, because there were still people who cared about whether he could survive.The men took him to the shower, let him take a nap on the bed in the bathroom, and he was spared a whole week of work that started at two o'clock in the afternoon.

"Hey, why don't you push harder? I'd love to know what it's like to die. My grandma died. I didn't crush her to death, she had a heart attack and died, but they put all the blame It all comes down to me, as if they are all as innocent as a lotus. Shit. I hate them. If I can go out again, I will kill them all." Datou said to Astro Boy after returning from the clinic. He will always remember what the big head said, aren't these words also what he wants to say? "Happy birthday, Datou taught me this trick." Astro Boy whistled and pointed to the floating balloons.

Most of the afternoons when I don't have to work are sleeping.He dreamed that he was in a room full of balloons.In fact, his body is so strong that he doesn't need such a long rest at all, but every boy will feel sleep deprivation endlessly when his body is growing.Astro Boy didn't tell Sansan about this, sometimes he was very afraid to open the chatter box, he was afraid that those memories and times would flow out fiercely after breaking through the barriers.He didn't want to get involved in it again, to flow to that damned summer again.If it wasn't for meeting Sansan, he would have forgotten about it, even though in those sleepless nights he repeatedly thought of the way she swayed her hands and her hair flying when she was running, and the smile she would show very occasionally.In the past he always wanted to find out what kind of cream she was putting on her face, it smelled so good, and he liked the way she looked so panicked that she didn't know how good-looking she was.But even so, if he had to meet her again, he would rather have her become an annoying girl.That's seven years, enough time for a bad little girl to grow up and become an ordinary girl who has lost all aura.He would rather she walked forward like everyone else, so that for him the past would be completely dead, buried in the mud at the bottom of the Suzhou River, and those old secrets would never be revealed again, and there would be no more secrets from now on. Love, no harm.He is a bad guy who is as hopeless as the big head. He didn't want to have hope for the future.To know hope is terrible.The hope was that when he was in the juvenile detention center, he looked forward to a letter from Sansan in the reception room every day, but these hopes could kill him. "I remember you talking about Big Head, but I never knew you had other friends. Why didn't you bring him?" Sansan liked those balloons to death.No one ever did it for her, no one ever gave her a gift. "You're going to hate them. They're bad guys, and the big one is dead." "How did you die?" "I don't know who provoked and was beaten to death. There are still wanted warrants on the telephone poles, but they must not be found out." Neither of them spoke anymore.The empty room has no windows yet, and looking straight out is the coming summer.They have all smelled the all-too-familiar summer smell, the sweaty breath oozing from their hair and necks, and seen the slowly gathering clouds, the increasingly luxuriant trees and the skyline. The rainwater accumulated over there.He held her hand, as if they were planning to run together again through a season that made them both so scared to run back.This time Sansan didn't want to break free from Astro Boy's palm.As hard as he was still, she felt braver than ever standing under those balloons.They'll run over there, right?She wouldn't tell him these things, she wouldn't tell him that the constricted walnut in her heart was broken.For a moment she thought, what if it really is over?Isn't she a finished person? "What's it like to die, will it hurt?" "It should be painful when you die, but at that time no one will care if it hurts or not." Sansan remembered a long time ago, when she was a child, she took the 211th tram to go to her grandmother’s house on Yokohama Bridge and passed the intersection of Tibet Road and Nanjing Road when she saw the fire.My memory at that time is already very vague, I just remember the giant dragon convoy blocking the intersection frantically honking its horn, and countless people pouring out from buildings and shopping malls standing on the side of the road looking up at the top of a building billowing smoke.She sat with her mother on the window seat in the back half of the carriage.She remembered that her mother still had long hair at that time, with high bangs, wearing a lake green shirt with transparent shell buttons on the front of the chest, pale skin, so young, completely different from what she looks like now.They both poked their heads out of the window at the same time to see what was going on.Sansan remembered that the last picture she saw was that the building was like a huge chimney spewing black smoke, and blurry figures kept rising out of the smoke and falling straight down.Their screams could not be heard, but the drivers, conductors, salespersons and passers-by standing on the road began to shout, cry and run wildly.Mom tightly covered Sansan's head with her arms, covering her eyes, but even in the dark, she still felt fear with cold hands and feet, and felt the thick smoke hovering in the sky.This is the most grand memory of death in memory.She never mentioned the fire to anyone else, because she herself thought she had forgotten the disaster, never thought of it, and obviously memory is a liar.On her birthday just before the summer, she was standing in front of the windy window and talking to Astro Boy, almost crying.How could it be, those things were so vivid, and the memory was overwhelming her like a mountain.She held Astro Boy's hand and leaned her arm on his shoulder, as if they were two people who survived the catastrophe, and Sansan didn't even think about these words when she talked to Astro Boy. Inspiration for his revenge.She seemed to be his catalyst, even though he repeatedly excluded her from his plan, but she, she was his accomplice from beginning to end. "Happy birthday." Astro Boy said, "You have to know that you don't have to worry about it anymore, everything will be fine, and you will be admitted to college. Although these things are bullshit, you are a top student." In fact, he certainly didn't know how things would turn out.He looked at Sansan who still looked childish and worried beside him.What about love, can love bring him hope?Can love change him and make him a better person?If he becomes a good person, will Sansan fall in love with him?Will he let him hug her?He really wanted to hug her, but he was afraid of her.Her appearance of never caring and being out of mind, was she like this in the past?She seemed to be walking farther and farther along the dream of the past.He really wanted to help her, but what to do?He also secretly hoped that those loves could save him.Terrible, terrible hope.Despite this, love seems to be pouring out from the depths of the body and it is impossible to stop it. But can those hopes really save them? When Sansan came home that day, she saw her pitiful red bicycle in the shed with punctured tires and broken tires, helplessly leaning beside several mopeds, and inside the basket was a dead mouse with a stiff tail Lie horizontally with two sharp teeth bared, the dark brown fur sticks together wetly, and the blood plasma that burst after being stepped on the belly has also dried up.Before she had time to think about it, she felt a violent stomach convulsion that made her vomit out all the cabbage soup and barbecued pork rice that she ate in the cafeteria at noon.Bending over, his throat seemed to be burning with an unpleasant breath.She wiped the mucus from the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand.This damn trick made her feel like she was back at the age when she was standing in front of the mirror with scissors, desperately trying to cut off the gum stuck in her hair.Thinking of the stupid and dangerous face of the repeater, she couldn't help but vomit again in anger.Now somewhere he is grinning wretchedly and watching the show.Is he threatening her?But she has already scared him, she can already deal with him with the Coke bottle in her hand.Dangerous, she quickly fell in love with it, and even though she was still nervous and sick to throw up, she felt the running girl with the shaved swimming hair in her body pounding her heart and almost escaped.This was the first time that Sansan felt that he could calmly face the mouse that had almost been disembowelled.She didn't run away twitching and screaming in despair, she didn't want to be that little girl who tripped over her braids and fell to the ground crying.She hopes that she is as brave as a warrior, and no longer be anyone's drag bottle.She loathed herself who seemed frail and fragile, and crying and timidity could not dispel the reality that had suddenly arrived.This reality has no cutscenes or turning points at all, and it can't be avoided even if it hits straight on the head.So she panted and picked the dead mouse out of the basket with the broken broom in the corner and threw it on the ground.When I was a child, I ran barefoot from the kitchen to the alley crying after being frightened by the rats running across the beams. I would never have imagined that this day would come. , Enduring the burning sensation in her throat and the twitching of her nerve endings, but she didn't cry.I found two old posters from the corner and covered the corpse, cold as an emotionless killer.How did she become like this, and what will she become in the future?Then Sansan even went to the cigarette paper shop at the door, and sent a message to Astro Boy's copy machine from the public phone.She wants to warn him, she is afraid that he will meet repeaters on the road again, even if he has the ability to fight alone, there will always be times when he misses.This war of settling old scores with each other is endless.She held the receiver and panted, not knowing exactly what she was expecting and avoiding. After all this was done, Sansan held the two coins she found from the telephone booth, and only then did she feel that the clothes on the back of her back were wet with sweat and dried by the wind blowing into her neck, and then felt cold against her body, and the bangs on her forehead seemed to collapse Covers lashes tightly.She blinked her eyes desperately, as if this was the only way to confirm the dreamlike scenes.Life suddenly seemed to be rumbling forward like a ship with full sail, but she had been in the same place for too long.She wasn't sure if she had the strength to get through this summer.After everything has passed, stopped, and destroyed, if she can survive to recall the present day by chance, this period of life when her feet are off the ground and skimming at low altitude must be the sweetest and happiest.She would think of the time when Astro Boy and Astro Boy were walking along the Suzhou River. The huge wind blew them both up and down. moving secret.She watched him swaying on the concrete grid with muddy toes on his shoes.He suddenly said: "Are you tired? If we are tired, we will stop." But she hoped that time would stop like this, so that she could keep walking without feeling tired at all.She didn't want to go anywhere, let alone go home, and she felt that if she kept walking like this, she could actually get away with her feet off the ground.