Chapter 9 8.

8. The bones that Sansan split before the holiday had already healed automatically, and even the gaps could not be found.The removal of the plaster made her feel sad for a few days, as if she had lost a part of her body, and her right ankle, which had been suffocated for a month, became pale and slender, and the body supporting her seemed to be broken again anytime, anywhere.Just after New Year's Day, Sansan suddenly saw in the "Xinmin Evening News" that the semicircular roof outside the Hongdu Cinema collapsed, killing a young woman passing by.When Sansan passed by there again, she went to the Ninth Department Store with her mother to buy new clothes for the New Year. When she passed there, she saw that the huge neon lights at the door were covered with dust.Mother subconsciously dragged her to the other side of the road, covered her head with her hands and walked quickly, muttering: "Be careful, the scaffolding here is not dismantled." But Sansan still couldn't help twisting. Look over your shoulder.The posters in the bulletin board seem to have fallen overnight, and a sign that reads the daily specials at the cafe in the movie theater looks like a long time ago.The bricks and stone chips piled up at the door have not been completely removed, and a few shocking steel bars are exposed on the half-broken ceiling.The body of the workers on the scaffold is half hanging outside, carelessly trying to remove the entire roof.And the heavy door underneath was open, and the ticket hall was full of tattered leather-covered stools and moso bamboo for scaffolding.Sansan suddenly felt soft in her heart. At that time, she had already made up her mind to break up with Astro Boy, and she didn't go to Yan's house or talk to him for a whole month.But she suddenly remembered the movie that she sneaked in here to watch in the summer, and the air-conditioning made them both have goose bumps.For the first time, she thought like an adult: time seemed to have passed for a long time.A few years later, when Sansan rode his bicycle to watch a movie here again, the place was no longer called Hongdu, and the name was changed back to Paramount Cinema before the Cultural Revolution.Huge neon lights are erected to the roof, and McDonald's and KFC are newly opened next to it.

Don't think too much about it.When winter passes and spring passes, she will be a middle school student.But will Astro Boy let her go? During that final exam, Sansan felt more nervous than ever, because it was said that the three who got the best in the exam would have the chance to take the foreign language school recommendation exam.Sansan signed up, and she knew that Lin Yueyuan also signed up.But those bad premonitions really seem to be born, so she always tries to avoid stepping on the line when walking on the sidewalk, or keeps counting whether the number of words in each line is odd or even when watching TV series.She likes even numbers and hates odd numbers, and odd numbers have never brought her good luck.Sure enough, in order to prevent cheating during the exam, the teacher temporarily messed up everyone's seats, and Sansan sat in the odd-numbered row, on a lame chair that didn't belong to her.As long as the center of gravity of the body is slightly tilted, the whole chair will make a harsh sound of babbling, and she has to keep her body rigid throughout the exam.But that's not the worst, because the Astro Boy is sitting right behind her.

First, a small ball of crumpled paper happened to be thrown onto Sansan's desk just as the invigilator turned his back.In the past, she often helped Astro Boy to cheat, copying all the answers to the multiple-choice questions for him, or simply exchanged the test papers with him, and then filled in all the answers for him indiscriminately, and she could always get a pass.She nervously covered the small ball of paper with her hands, her heart was about to jump out, but after unfolding it carefully, she found that there was nothing written on it. Astro Boy's thin, gossamer-like voice behind him said, "Draw me a Santa Claus."

She crumpled up the paper angrily and stuffed it into the desk, but soon more and more papers flew towards her from behind.She panicked and hid all the blank papers in fear. "Draw me a Santa Claus!" Astro Boy's voice behind him was firm and a little impatient, as if he would yell if she didn't draw any more. So Sansan quickly drew a Santa Claus with a white beard on the white paper with a pencil, and threw it behind the chair. "More." Astro Boy said behind his back. No, she resisted in disgust.She tried to raise her hand, but the invigilator was a math teacher with intensified acne.She believed the math teacher hated her because her math homework was full of holes and because she ran out of his class peeing on her pants.She felt Astro kick her chair hard.The entire chair groaned loudly, causing the math teacher to turn around suddenly and give Sansan a warning look with eyes that seemed to see everything.The small, bulging pustules on his face were shiny, and when he was angry or tense, it seemed that the pustules were about to explode.

So will you betray me? We hang the hook for a hundred years and cannot change it. Well, isn't that enough?He was a damned tireless vengeful boy, and she had paid enough for that secret, broke her leg, and pissed her pants in front of the whole class.Maybe Lin Yueyuan will never talk to her again because he can see her true face as a fooling girl. What else does he want from her?Sansan quickly and scribbled a few more Santa Clauses on a few small pieces of paper, feeling extremely hopeless.Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Lin Yueyuan had turned over to do the last few big questions.She was still stuck on the multiple-choice questions, and she was distracted only to feel that the equal signs and numbers in front of her eyes were entangled.She couldn't understand the word problems at all.She couldn't calm down at all, and couldn't read the ink-printed sentences in front of her from the beginning.She kept looking at the time anxiously, but the cracked electronic watch flickered forward quickly.Sansan only felt that her fingers were weak, she knew that there was no way for her to get the recommended place for the foreign language school.Maybe she will get a failing grade, and in the end she can only write a series of equal signs on the test paper perfunctorily, which she may not understand, just to prevent the last three big blank spaces from looking too eye-catching.Then, the harsh closing bell rang.When the later test papers were being passed forward, she saw that Astro Boy's test paper was blank, and the students in the front eagerly snatched the test papers from her, as if they were afraid that she would regret something of.What is there to regret?She only felt that the hopeless weak love had been snatched away with this terrible test paper.It is impossible for her to be admitted to any key middle school in the city. She will go to the most trashy middle school at the end of Wanhangdu Road just like Astro Boy or repeaters.No one will love her, even parents will be disappointed in her.Her hands and feet were cold, and she only silently hoped that a huge fire would break out in the school at this moment, and burn Astro Boy, the math teacher, and the pile of math test papers under his arm.

Sansan dared not go home.She knew that her father would always wait at the entrance of the alley to smoke every time she came home from the exam. When she saw her, he pretended to be calm and smiled and asked her, "How was the exam?" She usually answered indifferently, no matter whether it was good or bad. , and then avoided the hand stroking her matted hair in disgust.But now when she thinks of the blinding blank space at the back of the test paper and the bearded Santas scribbling on the little pieces of paper, she feels her heart convulsing, her stomach convulsing, and she has to stand still and vomit a few times. Throat was sore but nothing came out.She dreaded seeing their hopeful eyes.There is nothing worse than making them sad and disappointed.At the school gate, she saw Lin Yueyuan, Wu Xiaoyun and the study committee members walking towards the teacher's office together.She was afraid of bumping into them head-on, so she hugged her schoolbag tightly to her chest and turned away. Before they even saw her, she had already turned into the office building.They will get the three recommended test places, and they will be admitted to the same key middle school in the future, and they will ride bicycles to school together.They are real childhood sweethearts.Sansan was disheartened, her body had been ripped out into an empty shell that would shatter at the touch of a finger.How much she wished to go back to the afternoon when she broke her leg and grinned her teeth in pain, and started everything again.Or go back a little bit earlier, back to the time when Astro Boy was always avoided in the hallway, before she started turning into a girl who's been out of her mind all day.But those evenings that frantically shuttled through Yan's house seemed to be a long time ago.She even hoped that she would always be the lame girl with the plaster cast, because in this way Lin Yueyuan would remember the afternoon under the slide and the crazy moment of jumping off the wall.But now the plaster cast on her leg has been removed.When those stiff muscles and bones quickly became flexible again, she could run and jump like everyone else, and she had to join the gray morning exercise team again.She was no longer that beautiful and sad lame girl, so Sansan thought that now he probably couldn't tell her apart from so many girls.She always wanted to be like all the other girls, but now she regretted it, she regretted it terribly.For the first time, she wished that she was the one and only girl who dared to follow him and jump off the wall with her eyes closed.If she doesn't become that unique girl, he will gradually forget her.How afraid she was to be forgotten by him.

Dad didn't wait for her when she got home.She relaxed a little and opened the door with the key herself.The inside of the kitchen was also dark, and the top of the stove was deserted and clear, only the faucet that could never be turned off was still dripping slowly.Just as she was standing on the steps of the corridor uneasy and hesitant, Dad suddenly opened the door of the room, stood still in the dark, looked at her, and said, "Why don't you come in? What's on your mind?" What's on your mind? ?She was already a girl who never talked about her thoughts to others a long time ago.Was the test paper and report card hidden in the old school bag discovered?Is it the unused fruit-flavored erasers that Astro Boy stole from the bottom of the drawer?Is it Qiong Yao's book that was wrapped in newspaper in the bookshelf?She didn't know, she couldn't help shrunk her shoulders in fear and retched twice softly.They all looked at her worriedly, and they hesitated to speak as if it made her feel like her heart was about to break.She really wanted to say: "I didn't pass the exam, and I became an accomplice of Astro Boy. How sad will you guys be if I can't get into the city's key middle school?" But she didn't speak, and she felt that all the joints were hurting when she was walking. Stiff, creaking sound.It's been a tiring day.

Dad led her into the patio. It had just been a winter drizzle, and the soil in the courtyard was cold and damp. The plants showed a depressed dark green color, and the wet ground was actually covered with small white pieces of paper.She didn't even need to look closely to know what it was, and her heart suddenly seemed to curl up into a very small and very hard walnut.No one touched the papers, and maybe Mom and Dad let them scatter like the police guarding a crime scene, but they must have squatted down and looked at the ridiculously blurry Santa Claus painted on it, and then took advantage of it. Then she discussed it quietly and nervously before she came back.At this moment, Sansan was like the clown who lost his mask on the stage.She hated all of this, anger, sadness and grievance made her clenched her fists and shivered with cold. "Do you see what is written on it?" Dad said in a very low and hoarse voice.She stood still, not because of rebellion, but because her body was really stiff at this moment, there was a buzzing sound from her ears, and the fear in her heart was pressing down like waves.She might feel better if they beat her up like Astro Boy's father did, but they insisted on making her feel guilty, that there was no way to end it, and left her alone and helpless in the courtyard.It was already very dark, and the theme song of "Legend of the New White Snake" came from the window of the neighbor's house.She finally felt too tired after standing for an unknown amount of time. A tendon on the sole of her foot and her calf muscles were twitching and hurting, but no one came to talk to her.She knew they were not willing to forgive her this time.

When she sighed and picked up a small piece of paper on the ground that had been completely wet by the rain and stuck to the ground, she saw that Astro Boy wrote on it in crooked pencil: "Merry Christmas. I like you These words were written on every small piece of paper on the ground, as well as the grinning Santa Claus, some were drawn by Sansan, most of them were drawn by Astro Boy according to Sansan's drawing, and he also drew ugly lace, trying to make it look like a real Christmas card. But damn it, stupid, stupid pig, two hundred and fifty, he has no idea what day Christmas is.Christmas is long gone, it's been a month!After the winter vacation, it is the Spring Festival when big fish and big meat are hot, egg roll skins, and spring roll fillings.After Sansan squatted on the ground to pick up all the pieces of paper, there was already wet mud under her fingernails.He clenched a handful of messy papers in his palm, and when he stood up again, his eyes turned black because he had squatted for too long and the blood could not flow freely into his brain.Holding the cold door frame, she stood with her eyes closed for a moment, and when she opened her eyes, she saw the flight lights on the top of the Hilton Hotel in the distance light up again.How did Astro Boy climb up the wall in the afternoon, take out these pieces of paper from his school bag and spread them all over the courtyard?He is so selfish.He's a bloody selfish guy.She hates him.

Before going to bed at night, Dad ran to the edge of the sofa bed to touch the face huddled under the quilt.She closed her eyes tightly, pretending to have been asleep for a long time.During dinner, they kept asking her who threw the paper here, but she just answered indifferently, "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know." .They asked repeatedly, and every time she felt that if she asked one more time, she would completely collapse, cry like a madman, choke all the rice grains into the trachea and cough violently, and tremble all over. Roll on the ground.She wanted to scream loudly, want to tear all the paper to pieces.They always had a hard time accepting the fact that she was growing up.They are always probing her secrets.Just like her father would cut out the whole Michelangelo's nude David statue on the back cover of the "Youth Literature" she subscribed to and hide it. Her secrets, her only bad little secrets.But now that his father's rough hand touched her face, he didn't know that she was not asleep, so he sighed softly, "Oh, Sansan, what will you become in the future?" Sansan didn't know why her father would lament All of this, it seemed that he already knew about her almost failing math test paper, the trivial things between her and Astro Boy, and even saw through her idle heart.When I was young, I watched a puppet film ""Leave the Boat Next Time" Port Travel Notes". There was a child named Tang Xiaoxi who shrunk down and came to the toy world. Brought back into the world of normal people, and the sign on the pier is forever desperately saying: "Next time sailing." This puppet film is to teach children not to waste time and not always count on tomorrow.As for Sansan, Sansan felt that she was Tang Xiaoxi who was trapped in the port, that ship would never set sail, would never bring her back from there, to the world she wanted Come.The villain of time who ran away in anger will never come back.In fact, they don't understand this at all.

That night she dreamed of Lin Yueyuan.In the dream, there was no temperature in summer, the two of them were riding bicycles on Wanhangdu Road.At that time, Sansan actually didn't know how to ride a bicycle at all.Dad once promised to buy her a bicycle when she was in the second grade of elementary school, but in fact, when a 24-inch red car squeezed into their narrow and bloated old house, Sansan was already fifteen years old.It would be great if those pieces of paper were written by Lin Yueyuan!She will not care about those crooked words, nor will she care about the blank test papers filled in randomly, she will not sit at the dinner table so indifferently and eat those boring seaweeds, and she will not bite the corner of the quilt in the middle of the night to restrain herself. Those crying voices.Her tears soaked the pillow, her heart was empty, and she didn't know why she was crying, but she was worried about too many things, her grades, all her lies would be exposed, and Lin Yueyuan was getting worse. Forget about her, worrying that her parents will know that Astro Boy threw these pieces of paper here one day, and worry that she will be locked up with Astro Boy in the juvenile detention center in the end.This is her first Christmas.She didn't keep those cards at all.She slammed the patio door with a stinking face, ran to the trash can like an angry child, and threw the papers into the pile of rotten leaves.She hates herself, she has never hated and hated herself more than she does now. I don't like you, I like Lin Yueyuan. Sansan said softly to the pieces of paper in the trash can: "I like Lin Yueyuan." She thought sadly, if Lin Yueyuan also likes her, what does it mean to be a liar, what does the report card mean, what does the scolding from parents mean, what does the juvenile correctional school mean, and what will happen in the future what happened.