Chapter 8 7.

7. The whole school knew that Sansan was a girl who lived next door to the school, so it was not only the teacher who came to sue her and Astro Boy who came to smash her piggy bank.One Saturday afternoon, when Sansan was secretly watching a rebroadcast of a Hong Kong TV series on a cable TV station, suddenly there was a loud knock on the door.She turned off the TV reflexively and pulled up all the curtains. When she stood barefoot behind the door holding her breath and waited for the movement outside, she suddenly heard a strange and heart-stopping voice, which seemed to be jumping. The voice of a boy with a Beijing accent shouted outside: "Xu Jialiang, Xu Jialiang!" She still remembers the voice when he called her name. Cardiac ischemia.She hurriedly found her shoes from under the table to put on, and hurriedly raised the curtains.As she walked through the courtyard, she felt that the surrounding plants, the shade of the plane tree and the few snails in the moss in the corner were very happy.She pursed her lips happily, and pushed the messy hair behind her ears a few times.There was no mirror, but she figured she might not look too bad.Xia Tian had only one tail left in his run, that day Lin Yueyuan was wearing a sky blue pullover, sports pants and white Nike running shoes.Even though she silently recited ten thousand times in her heart not to panic and not to stutter, Sansan was still tongue-tied when she saw him.

"The secret you mentioned, take me to see it." Lin Yueyuan said. "Now?" "Your parents won't let you out?" "No, let's go now!" Sansan panicked again. She didn't even have time to check whether the TV was turned off and whether the keys in her neck were hung properly, she just bent down to re-tighten the shoelaces, then slammed the iron door and followed Lin Yueyuan away.Of course she is willing to follow him, even if there are still a bunch of extra copying assignments assigned by her father at home, and there is still a weekly diary to write, she would rather leave all this mess behind and follow him.But she didn't know whether Lin Yueyuan would like Yan's house or not.A boy like him who is used to living in Beijing courtyard houses and Changde apartments is always different from the wild child running around with bare feet and naked body in Yan's house.Even my mother likes Lin Yueyuan. Many years later, when all the terrible things have gradually been filtered out of memory, my mother once said to Sansan: "That male classmate when you were young, a fat boy, you often held hands Started to go to school." Sansan didn't remember these things anymore, she remembered that Lin Yueyuan was tall and thin, and were they ever so close?Mom just remembers the best parts, so be it.

Sansan can walk through all the small alleys here with his eyes closed, and point out which classmate lives in which house, which cigarette paper store sells the best colored bouncy balls, and which stall sells omelets rolled in The fried dough sticks are the most crispy, and the gemstone flowers on which roof have spread across the entire eaves, as if slowly showing his secret world in front of him, with a little pride and pride that he didn't realize.Look at those fat cats sleeping under the shade of the trees on the wall, those sheets that have just been aired and dripping water, and the intricate alleys.But she would not get lost, she took Lin Yueyuan across the sinks dripping with shampoo foam, through the dark door openings, and stray cats crept past them from time to time.She wondered silently in her heart, would he like these?Until they came to the wall next to the children's playground.At that time, all the students yearned for the school's children's playground, because it was usually closed, and it was only open for an hour every Thursday afternoon, or if there was no queue drill or relay race during the physical education class, the physical education teacher would occasionally It is agreed that they will go to the children's paradise to play for a while, but usually it is locked forever.But at the age of twelve, the more taboo something is always the more attractive.There was no vicious old man on the balcony next door that day, only autumn bugs still hidden in the moss and grass.The nap period has not completely passed, as if the sound of washing rice and the faint sound of Pingtan came from a distant place.Sansan's hands and feet were cold because of nervousness, she pointed to Lin Yueyuan the hole in the wall.It was the time when the sun was mottled by the weeds in the children's paradise. She watched him lying on the hole and looked around, and was very worried that he didn't like and didn't care what he saw. She was very worried that he was really a People who don't fit in with her at all, are very worried that he belongs to them.

However, Lin Yueyuan turned his head in surprise and said, "Let's crawl over." She believed that for many years after that, she had never seen a boy smile with such bright eyes and teeth, as if they were shining. "Let's climb over!" He had already stepped on the gap between the bricks on the wall and grabbed an oleander next to him. Before Sansan could react, he had already climbed up the wall and extended his hand to her, "Come on, Come up." She was wearing a new pair of trousers and a freshly laundered shirt, and her running shoes had just been washed to dry, so she went out in a pair of tight, lace-up old leather shoes.But regardless of these things, she grabbed his hand and stepped on the bricks with all her strength, rubbing her knees and elbows hard against the wall.She stood side by side with Lin Yueyuan on the top of the wall.The school on Saturday was so quiet, the playground seemed too empty, the sky was the clear blue of autumn in Shanghai, and the Children’s Paradise was in the most beautiful time in the afternoon, the sparrows were sitting on the seesaw, and under the shade of the trees two fat yellow-brown wild cats When it hears movement, it pricks up its ears and looks around vigilantly.Sansan followed Lin Yueyuan and jumped down.She had never jumped from such a high place before.The last time I was competing with Astro Boy on the stairs to see who could jump from a higher place, but she sprained her right ankle when she jumped down from the sixth square, and had to go to the hospital for bruises and gauze .But at this moment, she closed her eyes and followed Lin Yueyuan without being afraid for even a second, and a large mess of weeds rushed towards her face accompanied by severe pain in her right foot.She felt that she was smashed into a pool of mud like a fool who lost her elasticity, and she even heard the cracking sound of the bones in her right ankle as if in a hallucination, and she was paralyzed on the ground in pain and couldn't move.And Lin Yueyuan ran away excitedly.Lying in the grass, she heard his footsteps and screams slowly going away, and suddenly felt that she was forgotten again, but she was very happy.He likes her world, doesn't he?He seemed novel and enthusiastic. He liked the smoky smell of burning coal balls in Yan's house, and those small alleys that criss-crossed with twists and turns, so he couldn't let his damn right foot ruin this adventurous afternoon.

Throughout the afternoon, Lin Yueyuan didn't notice that her right ankle was swollen into a steamed bun, as if the blood flowed there and couldn't flow anymore.But even though his right foot gradually became numb and lost consciousness squeezed in the worn-out leather shoes, the slightest twisting of the ankle would cause distress.She still reluctantly crawled around in the grass, picked off the little lantern-like castor flowers, and even climbed the highest slide in cold sweat. The so-called mermaid princess is nothing more than that.Finally, they were all tired, their foreheads were covered with sweat, and their hair was stuck together, so they lay side by side in a small shade under the slide and talked.

"Why don't you make friends with other students in the class?" Lin Yueyuan said. "It's because they don't like to make friends with me, and because I make friends with Astro Boy, no one will make friends with Astro Boy." "Is Astro Boy always so fierce?" "No, but he doesn't have a mother." "I'm about to lose my mother, too." The reason why Lin Yueyuan came to Shanghai as a transfer student was because his parents divorced, so he followed his father to Shanghai.But my father often travels on business or simply lives in a hotel because of his business, so he lives in the Changde apartment with his grandparents.

"Don't tell others about this, and I don't want to tell others. You know, these things are really annoying, and they are dragged to Shanghai abruptly. When I used to live in Beijing, I was so excited. There's a bicycle!" They must have said the most things that day.Sansan had never talked so much with others before, and she really wanted to tear herself apart for him to see: You see, I am such a girl, please don't confuse me with them.She is carrying Lin Yueyuan's secret now, no one in the class knows about it, not even Wu Xiaoyun who hosted the gala with him, so Sansan is flattered to hold this secret, completely forgetting about the right foot pain.When she closed her eyes and faced the sky to listen to him, the dead grass roots on the ground pierced her skin through her clothes, and there were ants crawling up her fingernails.Sometimes she opened her eyes and saw as if the whole sky was going to fall on her.She squinted her eyes, silently praying that the sun would never set, that this afternoon would never end.

Later, she forgot, forgot how she limped back home, and felt extremely gloomy in her heart.It was strange that she wasn't afraid that it was getting dark, that her mother would be hysterical over that muddy and dead grass-smeared shirt, or that her father would throw the empty journal in her face in a fit of rage.Her heart is empty, but this emptyness is different from the one when she and Astro Boy escaped self-study class to play "Contra".She didn't feel guilty, and she didn't feel that she was a bad girl who sneaked out to play with boys over the wall and broke her foot.The street lights came on suddenly, and the autumn night wind was so clear that she had to shrink her neck and stretch her sleeves to cover the backs of her hands.She thought that if Lin Yueyuan was willing to stay longer, she could even spend the whole night talking with him.She still had too many things that she didn't have time to tell him, for example, she never took a bath in thundery weather, and she was most afraid of mice, even when she saw a dead mouse, she would tremble and scream.She didn't care about anything else, not whether Mom and Dad would go crazy because she didn't come back at night, whether her name would hang in the little frame on the blackboard all week.She doesn't care about that, really.She doesn't want to worry about those endless weekly diaries and endless copying of new words, she doesn't want to go to school anymore, and she doesn't want to lie endlessly.She was sick of it all.But this wonderful evening was also over, and she was like Cinderella who had been beaten back to her original shape or a mermaid princess turned into a bubble, never depressed and the pain in her ankle made her hate herself.After struggling for two days without telling her mother that she broke her foot, she silently thought in her heart that things would get better, maybe tomorrow.It is not impossible to grow up overnight, maybe when I wake up tomorrow, turn my ankle and all the pain is gone, and I can bounce again.But by the morning of the third day, her right foot was so swollen that she couldn't even fit it into the running shoe.When I lifted up my pants to see, the bruises spread from the ankle to the entire instep, and the purple blood was shocking.She sits on the toilet in despair and puts a sock on the foot that does not belong to her at all, thinking sadly that things will only get worse and worse, and it turns out that instead of getting better tomorrow, it will be irreversible.In this way, she broke her right ankle and had to wear a plaster cast for a month.

But looking back now, the time of this lame girl is really shining in my memory! She still wore the old leather shoes on her left foot, a very small and old bow tie on her coat, and a heavy key chain around her neck. Because of the plaster cast on her right foot, she had to hop and walk on one foot, and less than one The gauze that was wrapped around the outside had turned gray and dirty in just a few weeks, which was completely in line with the image of the heroine in "Natural Born Killers" in her mind later.Later, she repeatedly told others how she jumped off the wall as soon as she closed her eyes.She thought maybe she had always been a shoddy girl, she was not afraid of scarabs, or the dead sparrows caught by Astro Boy.She knew that she was the only girl in the class who dared to smash the spinal cord of the experimental frog with a needle, and she was the only girl who could climb the wall and drill into the grass.What a beautiful and brave girl she used to be, has she forgotten?And after she becomes crippled, she doesn't have to do morning exercises anymore and doesn't have to take annoying physical education classes.Later, she found her report card from that year, and her grades in physical education were all very bad. She would just sit on those damned pommel horses forever, and medicine balls often slipped out of her too thin arms, and she What is more annoying is of course morning exercises.She is always short of sleep, and she can never wake up in the morning, and the morning exercise music in the tweeter is so exciting and harsh, and the surroundings are always shrouded in the gray mist of the morning.So tired, but still have a whole day to spend.So now she is sitting majesticly in the empty classroom, listening to the sound of passwords and whistles from the playground, flipping through a novel, but the reality is that the ankle of the brave girl tied with plaster is itchy due to the stuffy heat, which makes her irritable He scratched the exposed skin on the edge of the plaster with his nails.Sometimes she wished she could stick a pin into her skin like a repeater, and pierce through the plaster into her skin to stop the unbearable itching.

Of course the whole school knew of her heroic deeds.She, the girl who lives closest to the school and hangs out with Astro Boy all day, has broken her leg again.Seeing her bouncing on one foot in the corridor, the girls in the lower grades all stopped to look at her curiously and whispered.The teacher in charge held her leave note and said, "It's true that you have run into everything." At that time, they were already in the highest grade, and as long as they survived this year, they would be able to enter middle school. Elementary school graduated.This seemed to give her confidence, maybe from now on she would no longer be a child who worried and lied all day long.Sansan is going to be admitted to the same school as Lin Yueyuan.She must be admitted to this school, so that she can continue to be with Lin Yueyuan in the days to come.She couldn't imagine that if she and Lin Yueyuan were admitted to two different schools, they would probably never see each other again.Back then there was no internet, no phones, and it was so easy to lose touch with someone.Every time she thought of this, she felt infinitely lost. It seemed that when she really sat in the classroom the next day, Lin Yueyuan's seat would become empty, and she would never meet him again.In that case, what's the point of being admitted to a key middle school? What's the point of becoming a stunning beauty even if you don't wear a mushroom head in the future?

Until one day Astro Boy stopped Sansan at the toilet door, she almost forgot about him. "Why did you take him there?" He grabbed the braid she had barely managed to pull up from behind fiercely. "Why can't I?" She gaped guiltily. "That's our secret." "Get out of the way." "You are a traitor." "I'm not, get out of the way." Sansan muttered this sentence in vain. She looked at Astro Boy in front of her, the distance between their faces was only five centimeters, she felt that she had never hated him so much as now.She suddenly remembered why he was so different and everyone was afraid of him and avoided him, because he never smiled, he always had a fierce face like a grown-up, and his pink scar was stretched tight .It was hard to tell from his face that he was only twelve years old.In fact, this is not surprising, his father reprimanded him non-stop every day, his hair must be neatly combed, and he should not always look like a slum in the Yan family's house.Once Astro Boy's father beat him in front of Sansan, and he was picked up by his father and slammed to the floor like a chicken that was incapacitated.Another time his father hit him in the face with a tin pencil case, and immediately blood flowed from his teeth.She forgot it was because of some trivial things, but sometimes she thought that one day he would be beaten to death by his father.If his father didn't beat him to death before he was a man, he would have revenge, because she saw in the eyes he looked at her father a real pure hatred and anger.She was afraid of him, and now these cold eyes were staring at her, but she could smell his scorching breath.This stalemate persisted until the preparatory bell for class rang, and the lower-grade children who had just been pushing each other in the corridor seemed to disappear in an instant, and then the music of eye protection key exercises lingered loudly in the entire teaching building.The two of them rushed to the classroom before the teacher on duty wearing a red armband was patrolling, and no one spoke a word along the way.Sansan held on to the handle of the stairs in humiliation and jumped up step by step.At the corner, Astro Boy suddenly reached out and pushed her.She staggered and grabbed the handle tightly so as not to fall again, but there was a smug and cruel smile on the corner of his mouth.He raised his hand high, as if he wanted to punch her hard in the face.So she was also dazzled by anger, and she rushed forward to push him down.Of course he dodged deftly.She hated him, hated him for smashing her piggy bank, hated him for leading her to do all kinds of bad things, hated him for treating her as a friend or an accomplice.She hated him, but ended up with her elbow and her knee hitting the wooden stairs at the same time. "Traitors should end up like this." He ran away quickly after speaking. I couldn't go to the toilet for a whole morning.If it wasn't for the damn plaster, she could have run really fast, and sprinted into the teachers' toilet in the next building.Astro Boy dare not go there.A few times in the past when he was joking, he followed Sansan into the women's restroom there, only to be chased out by some female teachers whose trousers were zipped halfway or whose skirts were down to their knees.But now she can only walk on the stairs stupidly, like a clumsy red-crowned crane that cannot avoid poachers' bullets.In the last math class, she was sitting anxiously on a stool facing a test paper. Because her bladder was pressing on the nerves, she had to twist her butt from side to side, her face was flushed, and she couldn't even breathe. Only dare to speak half-mouthed.All the numbers on the test paper jumped off the paper, sneering at her viciously, and the time was so hard.She was desperate, feeling that she would never survive the day when she would grow up.Until suddenly, the voice of the oily, acne-prone math teacher exploded above her head like thunder: "Xu Jialiang, you are looking around to cheat!" When she saw him walking towards her from the podium, she felt staring in her eyes.The math teacher in a black nylon sweatshirt seemed to have turned into several people.She was too scared, but when the math teacher took the completely blank test paper away from under her arm, she smelled a mixture of cigarettes and essential oils on his body.She knew that the whole class turned their heads to look at her, she was in such a mess.She saw Lin Yueyuan looking at him from two rows of tables away, but she didn't care about it anymore, and she didn't want to fight for the test paper in the math teacher's hand that had been torn at one corner. The tight strings were suddenly loosened, and the warm liquid immediately moistened the cotton wool pants. "Why is there water?" said the tablemate, pointing to a small pool of water on the ground. "The soup my mother brought for me was spilled." Sansanji said in a very low voice. She didn't know that she couldn't tell a lie at all, and all the lies she told were so clumsy that they could be broken in a blink of an eye. "Xu Jialiang peed her pants." Suddenly, the deskmate raised her hands excitedly, and before the math teacher nodded, she couldn't help but gloated and screamed. Immediately, the group of damn boys boiled like a pot exploded.It was a disaster, and it was like back when repeaters threw chewing gum in her hair.Lin Yueyuan never knew this. She had a lot of things to tell him that afternoon when she broke her leg, but now it seemed that she was a girl who deliberately concealed and lied.She forgot how she escaped, she had no way to run, she could only try to walk on tiptoe with her right foot, staggering and looking funny and ridiculous.It was so quiet outside, there was no one in the corridor, only the sound of the class next door reading the English text aloud.Why can't she be like them?Why is she always the special one?She was tired of being the most special or weirdest person.She wants to sit in the classroom and read texts like them, to be admitted to a key middle school, and later to a university.But not now, now that her cotton wool trousers and sweatpants were soaked, she walked blindly to the toilet at the end of the corridor, but she was no longer needed.After the wet temperature receded just now, the trousers were now icy cold against the skin.She squatted in the cubicle of the toilet and couldn't move an inch.what to do?Never want to go back to that horrible classroom again, never want to see any of them again.She knew she would have another nickname from the next day, and all the boys would shave their faces with their fingers and say, "Draw a map, diaper, don't be shy!" It was a nightmare.She once dreamed that the teacher arranged for her to stand in the first row to lead the exercises. Because everyone was watching her, she didn't know how to move her arms. Suddenly, all the buttons of her clothes fell off.Yes, she dreamed that she was standing naked in front of everyone, and in the dream, the time was stretched infinitely, the morning exercise music on the tweeter became slow and harsh, and the people below were all staring at her expressionlessly nude.She was ashamed but couldn't just walk away, she could only numbly shake her arms and continue doing exercises with a slower and slower rhythm.Those eyes were warm and wet like pissing your pants, and it seemed like time would never move forward, it would never end.And just now she limped out of the classroom with wet pants amidst the frolic in full view, and she didn't even have the courage to raise her head.That's how nightmares come true. Grandpa died suddenly that year.Mother woke Sansan up in the morning and said, "You have to say goodbye to Grandpa." She was dragged desperately from her sleep, and she was buttoning her buttons with her eyes closed.Because of fear, she repeatedly buttoned the wrong six buttons on the fleece jacket.In fact, no one told her, not even an adult who seriously told her that her grandfather was sick, but she knew it all.Once she went to see her grandfather in his pavilion, and many adults surrounded him.He struggled to get up to pee, so Dad brought the spittoon up.At that time, people couldn't care about anything anymore, Sansan saw a man's body for the first time.She looked away in panic and feeling very sad.This scene is almost more sad than the actual death of grandpa.This grandpa, an old man who always wears a Chinese tunic suit and a plaid scarf, has a swollen and yellow body, surrounded by so many people watching to urinate, and the sound of water splashing into the spittoon is so loud.She was so embarrassed that she wanted to die.And now she also knew that she heard the footsteps of adults walking up and down on the ceiling calmly, and knew that Grandpa was dead, but they didn't tell her.They may feel embarrassed because death is so hard to talk about.So she silently walked to Grandpa's bedside, stood far away, said shyly with a very small voice with a stiff body: "Goodbye." When I was young, I was not really afraid of death. The imagination for a better life in the future is very limited.She can't imagine what kind of things will be waiting for her in the future, she doesn't care about the future, it doesn't matter to her in the future.Her happiness is very small. But thinking about it now, it would be fine if he died.She didn't know how to avoid going to school.When she was a child, she often lied about stomach pains, and once in the middle of the night, her father wrapped her in a blanket and rode her bicycle to the children's hospital.She was lying on the leatherette table in the emergency room, a bright light blinded her eyes, and she could only dig a hole with her fingers so hard that the sponge was exposed, while the doctor poked and poked her belly Go, ask patiently: "Does it hurt here? What about here?" She was afraid that the lie would be exposed, so she could only frown and falter, and answer indiscriminately.But now these tricks don't work anymore, her stomach hurts and her head hurts, she has used it badly, and she gets up at six forty-five every day.It was getting colder and colder, and when she opened her eyes in a daze, the sky outside was still reddish, she could hear the sound of cleaners sweeping fallen leaves on the road, and she had to be pushed out of the door to go to school after eating a breakfast that she couldn't swallow.But this time she didn't want to go to school anymore. She pressed against the door of the toilet to take off the wet sweatpants, cotton wool pants, panties, socks and shoes, and threw them into the bathtub crying, then trembling. The thin legs curled up in the narrow gap between the bathtub and the toilet to wash their ass, and vowed viciously never to go to school again. Death is nothing more than that. Sansan fiddled with a Flying Eagle double-sided art blade in his hand.Dad always sharpens her pencils with this blade.He firmly believes that if you use a mechanical pencil or a ballpoint pen to do your homework, your handwriting will be slick, so there is never a lack of a row of neatly sharpened dark green Zhonghua brand pencils in her pencil case.She thought, where would a knife be drawn?Wrist?Will it hurt?Is it a little pain or a lot of pain?Before she could figure it out, the sharp blade had already cut a long gash on her thumb.She was stunned, not because of the pain, but because a pea-sized drop of blood slowly seeped out of the opening, dripping down her finger to her wrist, and before she could wipe it off with her hands, a second drop had already leaked out .She was suddenly frightened, not because she was going to bleed to death, but because her mother was coming home from get off work soon, so she staggered to the water bucket and turned it on to the fullest.The little bit of blood quickly flowed away along with a few broken onions and fish scales in the bucket.She didn't know how long she flushed until the pain slowly returned after the initial numbness passed, and she raised her finger again to see a two centimeter long wound that was no longer bleeding, and the skin on both sides had turned up and was leaking The lifeless white is like a fish that has just turned white.She thought that in fact, she was cowardly and cowardly, and she didn't even have the courage to die. All because of Astro Boy.But he will always die, and she will be left with no one to vent her anger on when she grows up. She didn't die, she just sat there waiting to die, with a Band-Aid on her thumb, waiting for Monday.After dawn, I have to go back to the damn school again, when all the boys will follow her ass and shout at her: "Don't be ashamed, pee your pants." She hates Astro Boy, he has gradually become It was a nightmare, but it seemed difficult for her to wake up.But in fact, after dawn, Sansan ran into the classroom evasively, but no one really noticed that she had lowered her head and sat down on the seat.The classroom was noisy. It turned out that the Chinese teacher asked everyone to bring a favorite toy during the composition class.On Wu Xiaoyun's seat stood a huge plush bear with a nose like a piece of chocolate that was about to melt.Almost all the girls gathered around the bear, and the boys couldn't help but glance in that direction.But Wu Xiaoyun wouldn't let them touch it, and even Xing Keke's hand that was stretched out was beaten back by her.Only then did Sansan remember, oops, she forgot to bring her things.But no one would care about her toy, it was a palm-sized little soldier who could move all the joints in his body.She used to play with it on the side of the flowerpot on the patio, and sometimes even took it into the bathtub when she took a bath, so its joints were a little rusty, and the paint on the brown hair was a little peeling.But this does not prevent Sansan from imagining that it suddenly dives into the bottom of the sea to encounter whales, and then flees into the virgin forest to fight against huge mosquitoes. No one cares, and probably no one really cares about the girl who peed her pants and ran away during the math test.They are always attracted by newer things, scrambling to get closer to the soft-haired teddy bear, but Sansan is the only one who is really afraid and brooding.