Chapter 10 Chapter ten

101 The summer of 1989 caught people off guard. After a few rains, the temperature began to rise in a straight line. It became hotter every day. The sun was like a light bulb that was unscrewed every day and replaced the next day. The difference was that the wattage continued to rise. Gao, until one day, when the girls on the street wore skirts and the pungent body odor appeared in the bus, I realized that the most unbearable season had finally arrived, accompanied by the high temperature. Loss of libido and final exams, the latter seemed more terrifying than the former. My dream of money started when Lu Ran announced that he was going to sing in Xiamen. I calculated, and with tips, we can earn about 1,000 yuan each. For me, it is undoubtedly a large amount. In order to be worthy of the money, I practiced very seriously, made an exception and also studied a professional harmony book. Not only me, but the whole band was very excited by this news. The rapid progress, those who didn’t know the notation before, the passages that were messed up in the performance were re-practiced until they were all right, but all this took up the study time, so, as the final exam approached, everyone felt different I was apprehensive, but no one mentioned it because of something exciting.

Soon, someone couldn't stand it anymore, it was Liu Xin, he was lying on a chair to copy his homework before practice, I saw him, I didn't say anything, after practice, I opened the new books in my schoolbag It was a scary book. After the mid-term, after reading three pages, I immediately felt that I would be expelled this time. I told Hua Yang about it the next day, and he also read it all night. The next day Tell me, I definitely don’t understand, the two of us were instantly enveloped by an ominous premonition, panicked for a while, at this time, all the students in the school started a vigorous final review, and the campus was full of bookworms All kinds of people were watching, and then, the review class began. The teacher arranged the review outline one by one like a grandfather. We memorized it all below. As soon as the class was over, the teacher was surrounded by flattering voices and low-key requests. What's annoying is that the students who take up the most time of the teacher are not those students who are not good at studying, but those who are preparing for the exam. Sometimes, they will pester the teacher for a long time, just to prove how serious they usually study , It's really annoying to look at, this group of things is forced to study hard in silence, before the exam, everyone looks like they have smoked marijuana.Notes will never be lent to others. Everyone will tell them that they have not reviewed well here and there. If anyone wants to ask them a question, they will be frustrated. If they happen to catch up with them, you will be proud He gave a question, which was 100% outside the review syllabus--I feel disgusted when I see such a hypocrite.

102 No one said to stop the rehearsal, so every day went on as usual. It's a terrible thing. I know that if I don't read the book, the most fatal thing will happen to the students. Maybe it's because of this that I don't even read the book. I immerse myself in music every day. Music can really make people forget everything Unfortunately, once I think about it, it is even more headache. Hua Yang really started to have migraine, crying and shouting to study every day, and that "Numerical Analysis" is always at hand-sometimes as a fan, sometimes as a pad Next, he spends more time intimidating himself. Usually he does this: find time to turn over a few pages, glance at a few lines, then raise his head, face like gold paper, sifting chaff all over his body, Soft hanging down from his chest, the book fell to his feet with a snap, closed his eyes, and murmured, "It's over."

l03 It's time to crash. Two days before the first "Electrical Circuit Fundamentals" exam, Hua Yang and I came out of the classroom after listening to the last review class, sweating profusely, the sky was gloomy and extremely hot, and the sound of cicadas rang out from the treetops. It came slowly, like mourning, a girl named Kong Jie passed us from behind, wearing a translucent skirt, there was no petticoat inside for some reason, and pink underwear was faintly seen, she herself was unconscious, He also smiled superficially at another girl, said something, and then walked straight, disappeared on the fork road ahead, Hua Yang and I walked back to the dormitory and fell on the bed. There was no class, and the stench in the dormitory was overwhelming. Within a moment of falling on the bed, the sweat immediately mixed with the moisture on the mattress, and my body started to itch. I kicked Hua Yang's bed, and Hua Yang was staring at the sky in a daze. , he turned his head to face me at an angle, his expression was numb, his eyes were not looking at me, I kicked him again, he woke up and asked me: "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." "what to do?" "have no idea." "Shall we go out for a walk?" "Row." The two of us walked from the dormitory and walked along the corridor of the school to the edge of the playground. The playground was quiet, and the students who usually played there were gone, replaced by a few figures passing by in a hurry. Turning back on the road, I passed the teaching building of the class that Alai was in. A Cai saw me from the window on the third floor, held on to the window sill, and poked her head out to yell at me. After waiting for a while, she ran down and asked me: "Is there any class in the next two periods?"

"No." "How was your review class?" "good." "Want to go swimming?" "Swim?" "I have agreed with Liu Jia to go swimming in Taoranting, are you going?" Hua Yang and I glanced at each other, and I said, "Okay." "Then you wait a moment, let's go get the swimsuit, where will we meet later?" "Let's dorm." Hua Yang and I walked back to the dormitory, found swimming trunks and towels, put them in a plastic bag, and then sat on the bed and waited for Alai and the others. Hua Yang smiled and said to me: "I love so and so."

Liu Jia is a very talkative Beijing girl, because of her ugly looks, no one is afraid, she has a good relationship with Alai, she is very smart, she is very active before and after the exam, in fact, she is very kind-hearted, yes One of Alai's good friends, for some reason, always felt that Alai was a bit unfit for me, and people would stab me from time to time. In her opinion, although I couldn't be said to be someone who should go to prison, at least I should be like The bad guys are punished by accident. After she found out about Alai’s pregnancy, she would point to my nose and teach me when she saw me. Sometimes she would say a word like “Pearl Secret Casting” or something like that. Yes, I don't know if she means that she is a good match for me. In my opinion, following her path of development, there will be no other possibility except going straight to the black and straight to the strong woman. As we all know, up to now, she has never had a boyfriend and is a 100% virgin.She and Alai came in from the outside, as soon as they heard the sound of the door being pushed open, they knew that she was walking in front. He glanced at us sideways, slapped the double bed with the bag in his hand, and said, "If you don't want to go, hurry up!"

For this person, Hua Yang and I have always been submissive, so we jumped up from the bed and greeted each other with smiles, Hua Yang shouted: "Let's go, isn't this the way to go?" A group of us went downstairs, drank a cold drink at the canteen in front of the school, and then went straight to the bus station. Liu Jia and Alai walked in front, and Hua Yang and I walked behind, talking a few words from time to time, so we walked bus station. l04 There is a reason why I have a special liking for Taoranting swimming pool. As early as when I was in primary school, the school organized us to come in groups, and drove us into the mushroom pond like piglets, telling us to float freely in it. During the period of puberty and maturity, every summer, I come here to swim almost every day. My favorite swimming is the evening session, that is, when the sun sets from 6:00 to 8:00 in the evening, the weather becomes less hot and unbearable in the afternoon. Usually, a few of my friends and I come to the door, eat a few skewers of mutton skewers first, then buy tickets to enter the arena, and swim wildly for an hour like a competition. The rest of the time is usually lying on the warm concrete floor, watching God, watch the dimming sky, or just sit by the pool and watch the girls paddling in the water in swimsuits, and watch them crawl to the shore with their wet buttocks sticking out from the water. From time to time, someone will find a Girls in baggy bathing suits showed most of their breasts.Sometimes, I found a girl that I fell in love with, and I just stared at her from beginning to end, until it was time for the exit, and then reluctantly left.This swimming pool is divided into men's and women's pools, but there is only one deep water area. In addition, there is a pool dedicated to diving. It is shallow around and deep in the middle. When no one is diving, we often compete diving there by throwing a steel Wuer, and then everyone put on diving goggles and went down one by one, sometimes diving, it depends on whether there is anyone who can jump better than us, I mean, if someone can do a somersault from the 10-meter diving platform After the half-person water, I am embarrassed to follow behind to have a "popsicle". Others have done this before, and it caused a burst of laughter. I don't think it is interesting.

The four of us were divided into two groups at the entrance of the deep water area. Hua Yang and I entered through the small iron gate. Alai and Liu Jia did not have a deep water certificate, so they had to swim in the female pool with the deepest 1.4 meters outside. The shallow water area had just changed. After crossing the water, there was a strong smell of bleach in the air. The color of the water was light blue. Through the iron fence, I saw the two of them approaching the water hand in hand, tried to dip their feet in the water, and immediately shrank back. It was noon, and there was no one around. I saw A Cai and Liu Jia walking under the shade of a tree, chatting with their backs against a concrete wall, and pointing fingers from time to time. At this time, Hua Yang asked me to go over. We stood by the pool together, shouted one, two, three, and then jumped into the water. The cool water immediately lifted my spirits, and my muscles were tense. I stretched out my arms and paddled forward. Swimming 200 meters in one breath, he hangs his hands on the edge of the pool to catch his breath. At this moment, Hua Yang slowly swims over, his head sticking out above the water like a goose. Although he swims slowly, he is not tired. , he caught up with me, turned around and continued to swim. When he swam ten meters away, I kicked sideways on the wall of the pool and chased him. I straightened my waist as much as I could, raised my head, and slapped my feet alternately. Occasionally, I stretched out my arms and stroked the water, almost floating on the water. I opened my eyes, and the water splashed on my face slowly dripped down the eye sockets. There are a few thin clouds like cotton fluff floating, and the sun is at the mid-heaven. As long as the eyeballs are turned to the place facing the sun, they have to squint. Yes, they were watching a few boys diving. I just took a few glances by the side of the pool, and I happened to see a big fat man falling like a bomb from the ten-meter diving platform. Hearing that the screaming now is somewhat similar to the one just now, I guess that guy jumped again.

I don’t know how long I’ve been floating like that, but when I heard someone call my name, I turned over and stepped on the water to look around. It was Hua Yang, who was standing on the bank, with his hands rolled into a tube and yelled at me. I swam to By the edge of the pool, supporting the edge of the pool with both hands, I jumped up with all my strength, followed the direction of my fingers, saw Alai and Liu Jia standing on the edge of the white iron fence and looking in this direction, Hua Yang and I walked over, separated by They waved towards the railing, and as we approached, Liu Jia said to us: "The water outside is too cold to swim, so come out and have a chat together."

Hua Yang and I walked out of the deep water area, and I found that the swimsuits of Alai and Liu Jia were dry, and it seemed that they hadn’t even entered the water. The four of us came to the men’s pool together, and I jumped in first. The water was deeper than the deep water. It was cold in the area, but it was bearable. Hua Yang was lying on the edge of the pool, looking into the water with his hands under his chin. Liu Jia and Alai were discussing by the water. I waved to Alai and shouted to her, she After hesitating for a moment, he suddenly screamed and jumped into the water. The jump was really suitable, and the splashed water just landed on Hua Yang and Liu Jia. Leaning on the handrail on the edge of the pool, she sank into the water little by little. She swam about the same as Alai and didn't breathe well, so she could only swim by the pool, like two big tadpoles. I took a deep breath, dived into the water, tried to stick my belly to the bottom of the water, and swam forward. Since I didn't wear a diving goggle, my eyes were a little itchy from the water soon, but I could still slide on the bottom of the water like a fish. It is clear and can look far ahead. From time to time, I have to go around a pair of feet standing on the bottom of the water. Someone swam above me. I think I was swimming at the bottom once. I saw a boy’s hand slipping through a girl’s swimsuit. The place next to the bottom of the thigh stretched in, and was pulled out by the girl's hand. I also saw the little boy deliberately swam between the girl's legs, or directly hit the girl's abdomen with his head. When did that happen? Woolen cloth? I slowly exhaled the air in my lungs, my body gradually surfaced, and I had already reached the opposite bank. I turned around and swam back, my mind was full of weird thoughts, so I swam a few times back and forth unconsciously. , When I looked around to find Hua Yang and the others, there were only strange faces left on the water. I climbed ashore and saw the three people lying in a row where Alai and the others were sitting when they first came in. Hua Yang seemed to be asleep with one arm on his head. Alai and Liu Jia were still talking about something. I went to In front of them, I lay down next to Hua Yang, the place was shaded, the ground was dry and cool, I had an argument with Liu Jia and fell asleep in a daze. It was Alai who woke me up. It was time to leave the stage. The four of us went to the locker room separately, then gathered at the gate and took the car back to school together. We walked into the school gate with soft steps. Hua Yang and I couldn’t help but feel emotional Frustrated, the more I walked forward, the more I regretted it. Thinking about the exam the day after tomorrow, I was so anxious that I rushed into the dormitory in three steps at a time, picked up my schoolbag and went straight to the self-study room. The self-study room is overcrowded, and you can’t even find a seat. Some boys who are good at studying are giving lectures to girls, taking the opportunity to talk about their feelings. Those idle students, they never dreamed that in a few months, those big fools who had been frowning around them would now be proud.A few smoking students stood in front of the study room, frowning and shaking thoughtfully.When I walked out, I ran into one of them who knew me and nodded to me. I said hello to him, and then walked towards the classroom. At the door of the classroom, I met Hua Yang who was walking out in a hurry. He said that the classroom was too messy , can't do anything, and was about to go to the study room, I told him that the study room didn't even have any fucking seats, so the two of us had to go to the library, the library was also full, I don't know where those people came from , The pits that occupy themselves one by one remain motionless, like rhizomes that emerge from the ground, burying their heads in books in a daze, a moving learning scene.We were carrying our schoolbags, and after such a toss, we were all exhausted, our bodies were sticky, and we were full of unbearable sweat. It was just after 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and as far as our vision could see, it was white everywhere, and we were dizzy. Yes, but there are no roots under our feet. On the way from the library to the dormitory, the two of us walked slowly and listlessly, and the schoolbags in our hands were doubled. They jumped onto their own beds and fell asleep in the ugliest positions in their nightmares, and they really fell asleep. 105 Let me tell you how Hua Yang and I passed the exam. It comes from Jiao Fan's words.Before dinner, this idiot came in from the outside and accidentally kicked the washbasin on the ground, so I was woken up, and Hua Yang also stood up in response, and after finding out the situation, he couldn't help yelling: "What are you doing!" Jiao Fan has long been accustomed to this kind of rough attitude, so he tidied up his rice bowl in a leisurely manner, and when he went out, he said to Hua Yang with a smile: "It's really fucking difficult, even if there are papers, you may not pass." After finishing speaking, he pretended to shake the rice bowl, causing the broken aluminum spoon inside to make strange noises. I have seen that aluminum spoon several times, and it was almost bitten into a spatula by his sharp teeth. Turning and turning, the small corners of the front of the spoon were stained with tartar, and he was not even qualified to be an ear spoon, but he didn't take it seriously. This guy knew that Hua Yang knew nothing, so he put on a relaxed look on purpose. , thinking that it would make us feel uncomfortable, after he finished the alarming words, he went out triumphantly, and disappeared into the corridor clangingly. "Who said that if you have a test paper, you can't pass it!" Hua Yang didn't understand at first, but after a while he came to his senses, smiled at me, and said, "If there is a test paper, I can definitely pass it!" 106 At 12 o'clock in the middle of the night, the last light in the teacher's building went out, and several young teachers came out from the door of the building. Soon, a janitor came and locked the door, and then walked along an asphalt road beside the garden to the staff on duty in the other building. The process happened to be seen by me who was hiding in the school garden, and the garden was quiet. Hua Yang and I bowed back a few steps, let out a sigh of relief, and lay down on the grass in the school garden one by one. Although I applied mosquito repellent oil when I came out, I was still bitten by a mosquito on my face. On my head was the black shadow of the canopy reflected in the night sky. The starlight, in an instant, is drowned out by the swaying leaves.Stirred by the wind, the heat slowly floated up into the sky, and the grass fell asleep soundly like a bitch who had been trained by the sun for a day. The body temperature gradually dissipated, and the skin became smooth and cool again.Close to the ground, it seems that the sound of grass growing can be heard, and a wet sweet smell condenses on the tip of the grass, dissolving the fishy smell in the ground. Hua Yang was smoking, and the moment the cigarette butt flickered on and off, I saw the outline of his face, but I couldn't make out the expression. I had already smoked half a pack of cigarettes, and my throat was dry. Sporadic sounds, footsteps, talking, windows closing, bicycles rattling, these sounds come from time to time, but gradually become smaller and smaller as time goes by, and suddenly, in a flash, everything stops Now, there is silence all around, only the natural sounds brought by the wind passing by the tall and low plants, this silence has continued from a certain moment, I can hear my heartbeat, and I can hear The sound of Hua Yang's heartbeat made our eyes sparkle at night. "Like what?" Hua Yang asked me. "What's like what?" "The two of us now." "Two Chinese scouts from the movie." Dark Zhonghua Yang laughed out loud. "Let's go?" He shook his chin at me. "Wait a little longer, it's still early, I want to penetrate a little longer." "What's wrong?" "nothing." I took out a piece of chewing gum from my pocket, tore off the tin foil on it, put it in my mouth and ate it, Hua Yang poked me. "What?" I asked him. "Don't eat it, it sounds uncomfortable." "real?" "real." I spit out the gum, and he lets out a long breath, and he's on his back, hands behind his head. "take it easy." "Not nervous." He whispered. Immediately, I reached out and fumbled in the pocket of my coat, and after a while, I took out a backing board, which I quickly took from home this afternoon. I knew exactly that it was sky blue. In order to buy this backing board, I had a big fight with my father because my father bought a red one, but at that time I just liked sky blue. A bicycle, I sat on the beam in front of it, looking for this backing board from store to store. At that time, I was in the first grade of elementary school. It happens rarely, but once it happens, the whole family can be turned around. When I was 8 years old, I learned all kinds of cunning tricks. In order to achieve my goal, I did not hesitate to use the most troublesome methods for my parents. , I just walked to the gate of the school, and then went straight home, wandering downstairs of our house for a day, until my parents got off work, and then came back from school pretending nothing had happened. Sometimes my father would ask me where I was, and I would never tell, making them wildly suspicious. Finally, at the moment when my parents couldn't bear it anymore, I told them my request, so that the request would be granted immediately. Satisfied, so I became the original good boy again, and everything was normal.I got this backing board in this way. I remember that I bought it at Caishikou Stationery Store. I chose for a long time among several backing boards of the same color and style, and the salesman and my father were always confused. When I got impatient, I chose the one that I thought was the most correct color. After a long time, I was puzzled by the problem that I was so biased towards blue in that period. Now, whether it is blue, red, yellow, green, black, or white There is no difference in my eyes anymore. I can’t imagine my emotions at that time. I can’t imagine how angry and sad my father bought the wrong color of underlayment at that time.This backing board became a toy that I liked for a long time. I even used it instead of a ruler and also as a fan. On the one hand, of course, if the teacher finds out, I just need to wipe the evidence with my sleeve and it will disappear.After entering junior high school, few people use backing board anymore, but I use it. The backing board is placed under the paper, and the pen slides gently on it. The writing is small and fast. This habit was not lost until I switched to a ballpoint pen. , but the backing board stayed in my drawer. I almost told Hua Yang about the backing board that night, but I finally refrained from talking about it, and I decided not to tell anyone about the backing board, and I put it back on my big asshole by hand Hua Yang suddenly sat up, I stretched my waist, and sat up, Hua Yang said to me: "Just now, I don't know why, I kept thinking about Paul Simon's "The Voice of Silence" ", we didn't feel anything special when we watched "The Graduate", but the melody of this song just now was turning around in my mind, echoing over and over again, I really want to go back to the dormitory and listen to this song again." "When we get the papers, let's go to my place to listen. You can listen to them all night. Now, let's go, it's one o'clock." We stood up, each with a cigarette in his mouth, jumped out of the cypress tree wall beside the small garden, turned onto the asphalt road, and walked to the open space behind the teacher's building. There is a thick pile of rubbish thrown out of the windows of the teacher's building, stepping on it is deep and shallow. We came here in the evening, so we walked to the third window from the left without much effort. Next, it's the men's toilet on the first floor. The latch of the window has been opened by Hua Yang. I stood on tiptoe and pulled the handle outside the window with my hand, and the window creaked open.I immediately turned in, rubbed a lot of dirt on the window sill, I squatted on the window sill, pulled Hua Yang up, we jumped to the ground one by one, the door of the toilet was half open, we could hear the movement in the corridor, we Standing by the door first, listening carefully, the corridor was surprisingly quiet, we waited for a while, and saw nothing unusual, so we calmly slipped out of the toilet, moved forward silently against the wall, and waited until we reached the entrance. On the second floor, we had already swaggered, and our eyes had adapted to the darkness in the corridor. We went up to the fourth floor, walked along the corridor to the top, and stopped in front of a door that marked the printing room. With the flashlight, I inserted the backing plate into the crack of the door, pressed against the part facing the tongue of the striker, and pressed it forward with force. Hua Yang pushed the door forward and then pulled it back. With a snap, the door opened , Hua Yang and I looked at each other and smiled, reached out our hands and shook them hard, then walked in, I went to the window, closed the curtains one by one, Hua Yang moved the obstructing chairs aside, and then turned them on again The flashlight, but there are piles of papers on the table and on the ground, some of them have been rolled up and wrapped, and there is a safe standing against the wall. I went to grab the handle and twist it lightly, and it was opened. Hua Yang had already started to search the papers. Since I didn't have a flashlight, I had to sit quietly by a writing desk, watching Hua Yang rummaging around, whispering from time to time: "Another door!" I asked him, "How many doors?" "Our class is still short of one class, which is the one the day after tomorrow. You can find it. The only thing missing is the safe. But your wife and the others are all in class." I took the flashlight from him, looked through the stacks of papers in the safe, and finally found it on the second shelf. I took out the top one, closed the safe, and handed it to the papers that were sorting out at the table. In Hua Yang's hands, Hua Yang stacked them up and folded them, and then we restored the scene to its original state together, closed the door, and slipped out of the teacher's building in two puffs of black smoke, thus solving the college exam problems once and for all. 142 In mid-June, I suddenly received a letter from Lu Ran. Lu Ran’s stack of letters was forwarded to me through his father, and they were sent from Hainan in a large package. There were also some books and daily necessities in the package. Zhou Wen's phone number is 4261359" with messy handwriting. According to his father, he hasn't written a letter to his family for a long time. His father called me and asked me to pick up the kraft paper bag. He didn't open it, just Tell me, if there is any news about Lu Ran in it, please tell him in time. The family misses him very much. His father once went to Hainan to find Lu Ran, but he was not found after searching all the hotels there. 143 The following is Lu Ran's letter. Zhou Wen: Hello. "Tell me, where is the beginning of happiness?" I asked myself, that was my wild imagination when I was walking on a field ridge. On both sides were the autumn rice fields that had just been harvested. At the end of my eyes were golden and yellow colors. There are some peasant children gleaning ears of wheat. They looked me up and down with curious and shy eyes from a distance. They were dressed in tatters. There are groups of sparrows, they sometimes fly far away, and then fly back again.But it was far away from me and the children. As soon as I got close, they rushed into the sky with a bang. I also saw a field mouse. It had gray fur, but it ran extremely fast. Just slipped from a field ridge and disappeared.There are piles of straw piled here and there in the field, shining in the sun and harmoniously touching the land, as if they were not stacked artificially, but grew there naturally.It's morning, the sun woke me up from a pile of straw, my watch has stopped, so I can't tell you the time, last night, I stuck myself in the straw, and stayed up all night, I watched In the clear sky above your head, staring at the mysterious stars, there are too many stars, densely packed together, as long as you stare at one place carefully, you will see more and more stars , until you get dizzy, blink, and immediately, they all disappear, yes, you can't find all the stars, I know, all I see are phantoms of millions of light years ago, as for how they are now , I can't say, but for a while, I did devour them with my greedy eyes, these incomprehensible phantoms, these unattainable lights, they float in the universe like us, and no one knows what they are. Cause and effect, I think about them, I look at them, until I feel the dampness in the straw, and suddenly, I think of the beautiful village girls, and I poke my head out of the hay, hoping that one of them will come and meet me, Later, I felt a little hungry, and finally fell asleep. I woke up once in the morning, but it was too quiet around me, so I fell asleep quickly. I tried to get close to the kids, asking them for directions and trying to get them to tell me where to find food, they were silent at first, as if they didn't understand me, but when it was their turn to talk, I was confused again because I didn't understand a word, but it didn't take long, everything was settled, I was led into the village, and now I am writing this letter thanks to one of the children, who took me to their house, and I ate , So, I thought of that strange question again: "Where does happiness begin?" I think I have an answer now.For I have searched a long time and traveled many places, but I know that my answer will soon change, and the experience of my wandering life now tells me that I have found nothing certain. remember?We used to be crazy about destroying everything, destroying everything that made us feel at a loss. Now I understand that we can destroy nothing but ourselves. If you have been in the wilderness like me, you will understand that this mountain, this mountain The water, the earth, are absolute, eternal things, you have the feeling that they are eternal, solid, weighty, immutable. Before, I thought that we, all of us, those who were us, who are now and who will be, were some fools with dreams, flapping their tattered wings and dreaming of flying to the clouds, some special people.Now, I don't think so, we are just a few of thousands of people, and there is no special meaning. Just now, I had a full meal, two bowls of rice, and a plate of pickles. Now I want to sleep. Although I have a lot to say to you, I'd better go to sleep because the oil lamp is almost used up . 144 This is another letter. Zhou Wen: I can't hear from you, I don't have an address, I'm running around, looking for no purpose, I used to think I was looking for the secrets of life, I was observing other people's lives, I made mine between the sky and the earth Fantasy, but I was wrong, I discovered many things, each time I was excited, but soon, I felt that the more I discovered, the more painful I was, because the secrets of the world were getting closer and closer to me with each discovery Far away, maybe it is buried beside me, but I can't touch it. I just wrote a poem about a mermaid who died on top of a sand dune, and I wrote about its mysterious death, about love in the mud, about lovers embracing in the lava and their The petrified kiss and the deep and vast passion, I wrote about the tears left in the sand and the flowers blooming in the depths of the sand, those souls that have lived with us for a long time--I can’t help thinking when I write here, maybe What a crazy and outdated romantic am I? I write to you from this wood near the village where I shall soon be, and from where I will approach the city. It was damp everywhere, and the dew made everything alive, beautiful and fresh, and the dew didn't completely fade away until the afternoon, and the strange thing was that I didn't feel alone, I was in a state of exhilaration and exhaustion, all the time For more than ten days, I walked upstream along this river with hunger and food, but I have decided to leave this river and head for the city. My friend, I should talk to you about beautiful things, about the foam in the water, but most of all I want to tell you that I miss you, that poor poor band, I don't know what you're up to, I'll be in a minute I'm about to catch a few fish for a day's food, and I have to go, because I have to keep going. 145 This is another letter. Zhou Wen: Hello! You know where I am and where are you? There are many corners in the world, and there are many places we don't understand.What I'm trying to say is that lately I've discovered that my interests are really broad and changeable.I used to be interested in the people around me, I studied them secretly, now I prefer to forget them. My batteries are dead, my little radio won't work, I gave it to my landlord, and now my only contact with the outside world is cut off, and I have a week's worth of living expenses, and I'll have to earn by yourself To be honest, I am very lonely and tired, which mainly refers to the spiritual, and now I gradually lose the purpose of action, that is, I am more and more confused about what I am looking for, sometimes I It's scary, isn't it, to think it's impossible to know most things because we get bored and in boredom forget our dreams?But one thing I have to tell you is that our worst fear is to leave the crowd.Two weeks ago, I started to walk upstream along a small river. For twelve days, I didn't see a single person. At that time, I was so desperate that I swore I would never go to the desolate land again, because my nerves would suffer. No, I don't think I'm afraid of dying in a crowd, but I can't bear the thought of dying alone in the wilderness. You will definitely ask me what I have done since I left you for a few months, tell you, I did nothing, at first I walked and watched like a tourist, then I ran out of money and had to try to support myself ，我被别人骗过，也骗过别人，还要过饭，现在我面临的是，无论如何，在冬季到来之前，我必须得有一定的积蓄，或者找到一个住处。