Chapter 8 eighth

81 One day, Alai grabbed me who was crawling on the bed, glanced at the watch with surprise eyes, and then made a high-level comment: "The current time is 6:30 p.m. Beijing time, why do you go to bed so early!" I shook off her hand, climbed onto the bed resolutely, fell down quickly, and said, "Today I want to try what it's like to sleep without being sleepy." A Cai was watching an American video at this time, she turned her head, looked at the TV twice, finally couldn't help it, stood up, walked in front of me, and shouted sharply: "Don't sleep, get up!"

"What's wrong?" "What if you fall asleep, what should I do?" "You watch TV." "I don't like watching TV alone." "Then you go to the neighbor's house and see if they are willing to watch it with you. "nonsense." I stuck my head into the pillow, and the pillow was pulled away by Alai, so I had to open my eyes and look at Alai: "You mean--" "You are not allowed to go to bed so early. After the video is over, it happens to be the news broadcast. You have to care about the important affairs of the country."

"Why doesn't the country care about my affairs?" "What's the matter with you?" "I'm sleepy." "Think about what time you got up, 11:00 noon." "Yeah, what's the matter?" "What's the matter, you got up at 11 o'clock and went to bed at 6:30 o'clock, did you just eat enough?" "yes." "Then why don't you do something?" "What are you doing?" "Look at the homework, or-" "Watch the video with you--" "also." "Do what you want, don't look at it."

"Zhou Wen, you can't keep messing around like this." "Then how do you say I'm messing around?" "What a mess, you get up and think about it, you will go to bed, if you can't fall asleep, you will sleep hard." "Who said I can't sleep, I'll show you how to sleep." "Who is watching!" "Forget it." I closed my eyes again, and for a long time, I didn't hear any movement. When I opened my eyes, Alai was still looking at me. "You are crazy, don't watch the video, watch me sleep." "I do."

"How was my sleep?" "A stupid look." "Then you still watch?" All of a sudden, Alai sat up, grabbed a few strands of my hair and shook them a few times: "Stop sleeping, stay with me, do whatever you want, just don't sleep, once you sleep, I'll be bored by myself." "Or you also-" "I do not--" "Then I can't get up." Alai smiled, the way she always did whenever her little request got her way. I grabbed Alai's hand: "Alai, let me ask you, do you find it boring to stay with me?" Alai's face froze, and for a moment, she returned to normal: "Are you trying to dump me?"

"what are you thinking!" "what are you thinking!" "I think we should go to school tomorrow." Alai stared intently at the calendar for a while, said, "Tomorrow is Sunday, and there is no school." Then he smiled at me, "If you want to go to school, go by yourself, I have to go home anyway." I sighed: "I didn't expect going to school to be so difficult." Alai picked up the cup at hand and took a sip of water: "I have something to say to you." "Give me a drink too." Alai passed the glass over and she didn't let go when I caught it.

"Zhou Wen." "what?" "Don't you feel a little--" "do not think so." "I think--" I stare at her. Alain loosened his grip on the glass. "What?" I asked her. "Forget it, I won't tell you." 82 After lunch, I went back to the dormitory. I haven’t been here for a week. As expected, my bed was slept in by someone, the quilt was not folded, and the corners of the quilt were hanging on the ground. There was only Jiao Fan in the dormitory. Now, the rest of the people probably went to the playground to play football. I asked him casually: "Who has slept in my bed?"

He pretended to be wise and foolish, and said to me, "I don't know." He is from Guizhou. This winter, he was the only one in the dormitory. He used the limited few seconds after getting up in the morning to shamelessly put a few white spots on his face, and then rubbed them violently. Those who didn't know thought he was doing something. It's kind of a witchcraft show, but I know he's putting on bad cream.I opened the drawer and took out the bottle of lanolin that Alai bought for me. There was only a little bottom left. Seeing this, Jiao Fan turned around and rushed out the door. I stopped him and threw him a cigarette. , he didn’t catch it, and fell to the ground, he picked it up again, took out a match from his pocket, and wanted to light it for me, I had already lit it first, he sat on his bed, took out a book from the pillow Look, I asked him again: "Who ever slept in my bed?"

Now he can't bear it any longer. The people in our dormitory are usually polite to me, for no other reason than because I hit one of them, and the rest of them are submissive to me, but that's just a superficial phenomenon. They didn't care about it behind the scenes. I never planned to take back anything I put in the dormitory, not even my underwear, so I didn't sympathize with Jiao Fan's pitiful look. At this moment, the old lady on the first floor yelled from the corridor: "304, is there anyone with the surname Jiao? Call!" As soon as the sound came out, Jiao Fan immediately agreed, turned his head and rushed out of the dormitory. He probably breathed a sigh of relief, because in this way, he would not offend others.His father is an engineer in a certain factory in Guizhou, and he only uses his public phone to make long-distance calls to him. Every time he picks up, he is very unhappy, because his father does not need money for making calls and does not have to hurry up, so he is always on the phone. Inquire about his study and living conditions in detail, and then teach him a lesson. In the end, when he tremblingly asked his dad if he could send more money, his dad would always teach him what young people should learn to be frugal in life and so on, and then hang up the phone decisively, leaving him on the other side holding the phone in a daze for a second. This incident was reported by a classmate who happened to hear him on the phone, so there must be nothing wrong with it. .

I lay down on that dirty bed and looked up at the sky. On the top of the bed was Liu Heyang, a skinny monkey. Apart from this, I also knew that this person was a long-term masturbator. Not good, I often can’t sleep at night, usually I have to wait until there are two or more snoring sounds in the dormitory before this guy starts to move, usually the bed shakes for about five minutes before it stops, sometimes there are exceptions, on the eve of the exam, he only takes one minute It can be done, presumably because of the nervousness and high efficiency in everything during that period. The dormitory is quiet and quiet, and the echoing footsteps and shouts in the corridor are heard from time to time, which is particularly harsh. The sun shines in from the window and stops when it is less than one centimeter from the head of my bed. After a while, the sun will be farther and farther away from me, and this is where my bed is positioned, which is fine in summer but annoying in winter.

I lay in bed for a while, unable to decide what to do. The band is not rehearsing today. Alai went to the factory for an internship a week ago and will not come back until another week. In the Yungang area, I always carried my bag when I went there, because it was too far away and I couldn't come back.Hua Yang didn't show up at school these two days, so I don't know what to do with Liu Xin. Suddenly, I felt so empty. I was lying on the broken bed in the dormitory, and the quilt that I hadn't had time to remove from my body was on my back. So, with my feet on the roof, doing nothing, everything is so far away from me, whether it is good or bad, I have nothing to do with it, I am placed in an organization called a school, away from the hard things of the world, Away from the hustle and bustle, wandering around all day without end.Coupled with the hypocrisy around me, it really distressed me.I put my foot back.I casually put the quilt around my waist, turned over the pillows one by one, buried my head in it, and tried to fall asleep. This was the only gesture I had to face reality. 83 Comfort me, Alai, put your hand on my forehead, I need your hand like my feverish mother's hand on my forehead when I was a child, today I need a hand, whatever it is As long as it is on my forehead, I feel comforted, and I gradually become quiet, but, Alai, where is your hand?I lie on the bed, weak and dying, all this seems to be on a rainy night in summer, the wind suddenly blows open the window, blows the curtains flying around, the sound of the rain is sad, I think of you, my Alai, you stand Under the eaves in front of the door, I picked up the cold rainwater with my hands and poured it on my forehead.Let go of my clenched fist, but Alai, your hand did not appear, the night and the rain separated us, each of us was trapped in our own confusion and despair, counting the bursts of heartache, and, Alai, it pains me that your hand doesn't magically appear on my forehead. 84 When it comes to sex, I can’t help but think of some crops. First, I feel blush for some immorality of people, and second, I also complain about those plants. I often see newspapers reporting that an agricultural scientist has spent several years or dozens of years. It is the pride of human beings to mix and match those plants for years, and finally get a good variety. Thinking about it, they just use some different varieties of crops to fuck each other, and then use their next generation to fuck with the previous generation, and the next generation with the next generation. The first generation fucks, the third generation and the second generation fuck—in short, it’s a mess until there is a stable hybrid. Of course, they will never stop at that time. No one has ever thought about those crops: do they like it or not? Like this kind of promiscuous life, who to complain to when being raped, how do they evaluate those scientists, just imagine that one day those plants will gain power... I can't imagine it. From another perspective, human beings' policies for plants are also too loose, allowing them to Freedom to come and go, the most hooligans are dubbed "Jingxin No. 1" and so on, regardless of their influence, and this policy has never been granted to human beings - I don't know why the attitude of people is so lacking Consistency -- is that so inconsistent? 85 I remember the first time I went to bed with Xiang Xiaopiao, we had no sexual experience, and we failed to do it several times. I thought it was funny when I thought about the embarrassment at that time. I leaned on her, and she struggled to spread her legs , In the end, I couldn't help the blind guidance here and there until I was sweating profusely.It’s only when I’m at a loss, I get up from her in a mess (with a crumpled condom), I don’t like to look at her, I feel so angry, you know, I have worked so hard for that time God, I was reading a book to calculate the safe period, and I was pretending not to care about it and went to the store to buy condoms. I didn't expect the whole thing to be like this--I have to use that adjective I love to use again--it's full of ugliness ! What do I say about this girl who gave me my first sensuality?High school classmates?Shorty?Little round face?None of this seems appropriate, so what is she? --In my memory, she is a curious yet very realistic contradictory body. This person has narrow crotch, a doll hair, fair skin, long eyelashes, small eyes, loves to talk and listen Sweet talk, read all of Qiong Yao’s novels (including fake Qiong Yao), encouraged me to write a sour love poem, and corresponded with me all day long, it is said that he loved me very much, delayed my studies and ruined myself, once had For a while, she followed me around like a shadow all day long, swaggered through the streets at school, kissed on the side of the road, groped around when no one was around, and was extremely painful when she mentioned breaking up, which made me unable to free myself to sniff old X and let my parents I resented each other with her parents, making my classmates think that we practiced all day and got impetuous... The actual situation made me feel ashamed and indignant--I was too embarrassed to say it, neither my friends nor myself could explain this matter, tell the truth Come on, we've been together for three years and haven't really had sex once! My friends are all blinking their eyes and asking questions when they see this - what did that pair of idiots do all the time? I am speechless. Some things seem boring if they are connected with the following things, but if you only focus on a certain segment, it is quite gratifying. I have nothing particularly worth remembering in my three years of high school life, except for Xiang Xiaopiao, except for being with Xiaopiao. She dated again and again, in Zizhuyuan, in Beihai, in Xiangshan, in Jingshan, in Taoranting, in Xuanwu Park, in Temple of Heaven, in Shichahai, in every crossroads in Beijing, in the grass, under the big trees , at the door of the store, next to the toilet... In short, at that time, we were absent-minded in class.Remedial lessons, and the rest of the time is spent with astonishing zeal on countless absurd dates that are frustrating—talking, walking, kissing, touching—amazingly dull, in the eyes of today's young people Look, that's just a couple of crazy prudish jokes. It's a pity that at least I didn't see it that way during that time. I was thinking too much - starting a family, starting a career, parents, children, relatives, friends... everything was covered, and this was reflected in every small action. I study theory and let her who is not very smart learn literature, so that I will take care of everything when the electrical appliances at home break down.While the students were frantically taking notes in class, I carefully wrote down the "Sichuan Cuisine" that I memorized before going to bed last night. You know, we broke up not long after I started college, and that's all my past is pure and innocent, and of course it's okay to treat it as a paranoid mental history. 86 By the way, let me tell you about my first successful sexual experience. If I don’t talk about it at this point, I think readers will ask themselves: Do I have to read the novel written by this idiot who can’t even fuck? Today's students may be more reasonable than people of our time in dealing with sexual issues. I think they may call us old antiques when they read this book, just like we look at our parents. Hua Yang once told me that there are One night late at night, he found his parents watching porn. He listened to it through the wall. It turned out that it was a disc he had recorded. It was very unclear, and the quality of the porn was extremely low. Goods--"It's pathetic," he told me in a bitter tone, "They read it twice!" Practice everywhere in the car, and even the most powerful high-ranking cadres and their children in our country rarely have this opportunity. The difference cannot be resolved. 87 Closer to home. The girl I practiced successfully for the first time was old X. I don’t know if Lu Ran knows about it. It depends on how shrewd old X is. It's better to speak.Old X was not only in the same school as me when I was in high school, but also in elementary school. I also personally received the certificate she gave me on behalf of the school. In front of the building, I was wearing a red scarf, a white shirt, and a pair of blue trousers, and I sang with all the students in the school-"Are you ready, always ready, take up your sword and gun and join the Red Army"... In fact, those of us who sang at that moment People were not very ready, and all our time was spent getting ready and doing other things. After the song was sung, there was a speech by the leader. The school's loudspeaker was filled with rustling decorations similar to American short waves. At that time, the school's bureaucracy was very serious. There was a bullshit elementary school with one principal and three vice principals. People of various titles, such as the instructors of the Young Pioneers, etc., every time the whole school meets, they sit on the stage with teacups, and there are rows of locust trees on both sides of the stage. They are usually in the shade. It happened to be so hot that we couldn't find the north. They spoke one by one, and we had to listen to them one by one.At that time, I was still young, sitting below, trying to open my little eyes that had been sunburned, with my hands behind my back, my feet aligned, my waist straight, not straight, because our teacher was in the shade of the tree behind While chatting with other teachers, I stared at them. On this occasion, what I most hope to get is praise, not criticism, so I stretched my ears to listen to a series of speeches, and did not talk to my classmates. Finally at that moment, I asked the team leader to give a verbal calculation of the award for the first place in the competition. At this time, I heard my name, so I went to the stage to receive the award. Of course, I received it from the hand of old X. She seriously sealed one The official seal of the school was handed over to me with both hands, and I took it bravely and solemnly. The moment my eyes met, I found that she was so beautiful in the sun, wearing a white dress and wearing two small braids—who can imagine , that is, those two innocent children, one morning more than ten years later, in the morning sunshine, they hugged each other naked, doing something unheard of on the podium without any dignity-fuck Fuck it? 88 Soon after I broke up with Xiang Xiaopiao in 1987, I dug out the address book of my high school classmate and wrote a letter to Lao X, telling her about it. One night, she came to me to play with Hua Yang, but it was just an excuse. At that time, Hua Yang’s parents were on a business trip, so his place immediately became a stronghold. It was just the three of us that time. We impatiently listened to Hua Yang’s routine singing, and soon found an excuse to go out to buy things. Of course, Hua Yang would not wait for us, and he fell asleep soon. Old X and I walked outside in the middle of the night, walking Chatting until exhausted, in a street park, she told me that she and a boy had just broken up not long ago, which exactly matched my situation at the time, at the slide in that street park, we embraced for the first time, and Kissed in a muddleheaded way, it’s true to say that it was muddled, both of us were almost immersed in our own pain and couldn’t extricate ourselves, we were in urgent need of comfort, that was the first time I kissed for half a minute without sloppiness. Putting my hand into her neckline, instead of resisting, she snorted playfully, so I decided that this person was familiar with this skill, and in order to show that I was also a veteran, I stopped wasting time on Shangsanlu and went straight to her waistband Instead, I untied a thin women's belt and opened the zipper--Writing this, I thought of our previous generation, when their women's trousers were opened on the side, and there was a Xiaodouer, at that time, it was more unsightly for men to move their hands and feet than us. I think they had to stand behind the woman, and the woman turned her head to kiss him. Follow up from the side, the scene should be like a thief in the sweet talk, the shape of the two together is quite weird, inferring from this, if a woman at that time finds a man who is shorter than herself, it will be much boring... Me and Although old X lived in the era of jeans, of course, from the point of view of the shape of a wolf, he was a hundred steps, but after all, he was more direct. It was the middle of the night when the moon was dark and the wind was high, so we had almost nothing to fear, old X She trembled all over, and then her legs softened and she sat on the slide. Of course I responded, she stretched out her legs, hugged me with both hands, and then clamped her legs together, and let out a soft cry. The intensity of her reaction made me also secretly Surprised, before I figured out the enemy's way, my hand was left there by her, it was cold. I fumbled with her on the slide for a while, and I was a little tired, so I stood up and went back to Hua Yang's place. We fell on the big bed of Hua Yang's house and talked sweet words that were worthy of our actions just now, and then fell asleep.When I woke up the next morning, I saw Hua Yang left a small note saying "I'm going to class" and adding "Don't disturb you!" The exclamation mark left a deep impression on me, it means, Something had to be done. At first, we just plugged in the door, and then things had to happen later. Otherwise, the matter of plugging in the door would be too urgent, so we had to take off our clothes and pants, listened to the surrounding movement with vigilant ears, and confirmed After I was safe, I put my hand into her panties, and it was as wet as yesterday. It was just after we woke up, and our eyes were blurred even without pretending. Let’s put aside the eye feces and bad breath for now, so as not to spoil the scenery. At this time, this person took the initiative to shrug his waist, I took off his underwear, and then bravely climbed up. To my surprise, he succeeded once, so I became even more excited. I probably watched an internal movie. , let out a yell, which startled me. I remember that I didn’t know what to do at the time. Should I yell along with me, or continue to work hard?Both of them made me feel unworthy, and when I was hesitant to ask, this person was already enthusiastic and unrestrained, frowning tightly, thinking hard, and suddenly clasped his hands tightly, so I pursued the victory and finally got it done. Afterwards we confessed to each other, and it turned out that she and I had the same ideas, thinking that I was a veteran in this field, so I took the initiative to express myself, not to be outdone.There was another thing old X did that puzzled me. She turned her back on me afterward and trembled a few times.I started to cry, and before I figured out what was real and fake, she laughed again, turned around, hit me a few times, and said no, no, no, no, I really don’t know what she was talking about. I didn't have the nerve to ask her later, and I don't know what she meant until now. 89 For me at the age of 21, the scariest thing is not being expelled from school, or arguing with Alai, but having nothing to do.The broad meaning of having nothing to do can be summarized as a state, which is a state of dangling from east to west, from school to outside school, from friends to lovers, from cafeterias to shopping malls... Of course, this Refers to mental state.I had a hard time accepting this state because it didn't mean anything, and for some reason, I was very sensitive to the meaning of things.Unfortunately, due to a sharp change in my thinking at the time, what I thought was meaningful became meaningless. Therefore, all actions lost their purpose, and this has to start with old X. 90 The relationship between me and old X was strangely broken shortly after I hung out with her, and I don't think the reason should be me, because I put her on the bus bound for their school afterwards, and the second I called their dormitory building the next day, and she answered. From the receiver, I felt that she spoke to me a little coldly. I asked her out to play, and she said that she would call back after a while, and she said that she had recently Very busy, wait.I hung up the phone knowing she was lying to me because she told me she wanted to be with me every day when she was leaving that morning. A few days later, she didn't call. I happened to pass by their school on business, so I went to the girls' dormitory to find her. Hua Yang went with me, and we saw her. She was playing with some girls in their dormitory. Playing cards, seeing me show not so much a kind of surprise but a kind of enthusiasm like a long-lost reunion. She invited me and Hua Yang to a small restaurant in front of the school to have a meal of beef pie. , Hua Yang went back to school first, and I walked around the street with her. Not far from her school was a bustling street. We went through all the shops on the left side of the street. Before sending her back to school, we walked in a Behind the big tree, I hugged her, kissed and kissed again, and then we stayed by the tree for a while, mainly chatting, and we left when the last bus back to school was approaching. During this period, everything was normal. I went back to school, and after a while, I found that old X never tried to contact me, so I called her again and asked her out to meet, she agreed, we made an appointment to meet at the west gate of the Temple of Heaven, and she came , but more than half an hour late, when I was about to leave, I mean, when I got to the No. 15 bus terminal, she jumped out of a No. 15 bus that was coming back, and recognized me immediately , yelling and pounced on me, hugging me in front of many people waiting for the bus, I told her that I don't like waiting for people after an appointment, she just oh and didn't mention it again.On the next date, she didn't come at all after agreeing, and she didn't explain afterwards. This angered me, and I didn't ask her out again.Soon after I met Alai, we lost touch completely. Until one day a year later, I ran into her in the basement of the Zhongyuan Hotel, and she introduced me to Lu Ran. We had a chance to stay together alone later, but she never mentioned the matter between us. Act like it never happened.Lu Ran told me about her, and judging from the time Lu Ran talked about, she should have at least one boyfriend between the two of us. Of course, I never told Lu Ran about our relationship. From his attitude, it seemed that he didn't know about the affairs between us, so everything about old X once puzzled me.