Chapter 5 If the voice is not remembered (4-6)

new church.New Church St. Shindo-san is a student in class A of the second year of private Sakuragaoka High School.The academic performance tops the list of top students.National science competition winner, champion, first place.When solving problems, I am used to supporting my chin with my left hand, and I am not nearsighted. Xintangsheng has black hair.The forehead is clean, and the bangs that cover the eyes are shortened after one trimming.I like to wear light colors.Summer T-shirts Fall shirts.Tall, with thin shoulders.It looks really good from behind. Xintangsheng works in a coffee shop from Monday to Thursday.Stop when the exam comes.I heard that the salary is used to cover tuition fees.Very much loved by the shop owner, Mr. Long Jing.Some female customers made him a topic, but few dared to strike up a conversation with him directly.

Xintangsheng is not talkative.But not because of introversion and clumsiness.In fact he just kept his cool.But the premise is that you have to know him very well.Otherwise, you can only see a beautiful face with a cold and proud face. It's a lesser-known fact that his gaze can actually be surprisingly gentle. Xintangsheng is a boy who lives with his parents.But my parents worked in other counties and set up a house, and came back occasionally.So he was mostly alone.Does he have siblings? Xintangsheng is different from ordinary people.Don't say it's because he looks outstanding or has extraordinary grades.Those are just blurred lines.What's really unusual about him is his voice.If he wishes, he can use his voice to make a man in winter see lotus flowers in summer.His voice can make people believe in truths that don't exist.

So strange, so terrible. And then, what else? It seems that there is only so much I know about Xintang.There are only so many things to say about a person, from the big appearance to the trivial details.Yoshizawa is very dissatisfied.Should know better. "Favorite sport?" Xintang looked down at his schoolbag, and it took a long time before he responded, "Softball." "What about your favorite food?" A tram stopped on the platform, and Yoshizawa and Shindo took a few steps back to avoid the crowd. "Food?" He frowned slightly, as if he had lost his monthly pass, "...where did it go?"

"You answer me with your heart!" Ji Ze was a little annoyed. Then he raised his head, glanced at Yoshizawa's angry face, Xintang stopped his hands, approached, and put on an infinitely curious expression: "Let's ramen. But, what are you doing? Investigating?" "Just ask..." Yoshizawa just wanted to avoid his question, and dropped a piece of yellow cardboard from Xintang's schoolbag. When he didn't pay attention, Yoshizawa bent down and picked it up. "Private Sakuragaoka Higher Academy AB Year School Festival Invitation".The gold characters on the yellow background are printed neatly and grandly.Ji Zeju waved in front of Xintang's eyes: "What is this?"

Xintang raised his eyes and glanced, "Invitation card." "Can I go?" "Of course... no, no!" Xintang's face suddenly changed. The sharp turning point caught Yoshizawa's attention: "Why?" "If you can't, you can't." He quickly reached out and pulled back the jammed paper. "...You!" Xintang Sheng.Add one.Loves softball and ramen.And, he is an out-and-out cheapskate! [two] Just by asking and answering, all I know are trivial things.Fragmentary colors, even if you walk a long distance, you can't see the general idea.Yoshizawa also felt dispirited.What's the use of knowing those details?Things without weight, no matter how much they accumulate, they will not become a grand existence in the heart.The time he spent with Xintang was not long, and he was still hanging in a mid-air position in his heart. There were unknowns in front of him and behind him, and Yoshizawa couldn't mention Xintang as if he mentioned some kind of familiarity.Always feel unwilling.

So this time "Sakuragaoka High School Festival".Yoshizawa will attend no matter what.She is not a child, and she will not give up just because Xintang ordered her to say "you are not allowed to come". After all, it is a well-funded private middle school, and the ostentation of the school festival is much more luxurious than that of Fujimi High School where I am.Yoshizawa held a bunch of distributed advertisements in his hand.Those who sell black tea, those who drink takoyaki, those who promote haunted houses, and those who promote the stage play "Snow White" are nothing new.She was about to find Xintang, took a few steps and turned to the stairs, paused for two seconds, suddenly reacted, and excitedly flipped through the advertisement paper again——

"Play", "Prince", "Xintang Sheng".Keyword to reproduce. "Prince Player, Class A, Xintang Sheng, Year 2".into a sentence. She yelled "Wow". Entry time has passed.When Yoshizawa opened the heavy curtain and walked into the performance hall, he could only look for an empty seat through the lights on the stage.The seven dwarfs are busy on the stage. Yoshizawa is naturally very clear about the story of "Snow White".There is no prince or anything in it, he just shows up at the end and ends the whole play with a kiss.No wonder Xintang refused her to come.Definitely feel ashamed.

The princess slept in a transparent coffin.Crying dwarfs.The play follows the rules.Then comes the prince. He wears costumes, trousers with tight legs, and a tall jacket with a sword and a neckline with intricate embroidery and lace.is the prince.Or, it is Xintang.There are lights projecting straight on the hair, and shadows flow like flowing at the feet.The contours of his hands, feet, shoulders, and back are exaggerated and slender on the ground.Ji Ze wanted to laugh suddenly, but couldn't move the corners of his mouth.Every cell on the face is free of control.Did you feel the glare in your pupils when your limbs were submerged in darkness?

dazzling.glaring person. The lines are but a few sentences.Xintang's voice sounded the same as usual.No, more emotionless than usual.Just memorize it dryly.Yoshizawa thinks this is really his style. "This is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, can I take her away?" The depression that swelled from the darkness raged in the body.Yoshizawa slid down a little and sat down.The heads of the people in the front row entered the line of sight.The remaining half - stage lighting.Hand-painted sets.Characters move around.The prince knelt on the ground, only half of his hair could be seen.

"Please be my wife." What a fool.Is such a blunt tone a debt collection, or a marriage proposal?Yoshizawa smiled and looked up, the zenith was unfathomably high in the dark.no moon.The man on the moon is now ahead. "I want to have common happiness with you." on the stage.The prince wakes up the princess and is about to kiss her.The audience below suddenly held their breath.There was no sound in the huge studio.They are looking forward to the final climax.Kiss?Who kisses whom.Then. "The prince and princess live happily ever after." When the last narration sounded, Yoshizawa heard thunderous applause and whistles.She lowered her head, the ground was pitch black, and she could vaguely make out the shape of the chair legs.She rubbed her eyes.Prince and princess.Live happily.How corny.The cold and arrogant actor inside seemed to be coping with the final kiss. ...fingers surrounded by sudden water.Knead again.More sticky cold water.So I couldn't even see the legs of the chair.

New Church St.Add one more.Your Royal Highness.hehe.Follow where. [three] When Xintang saw Yoshizawa appearing in the background, his expression was a little out of control.But soon calmed down.Just asked "Why are you still here".Yoshizawa said with a smile, "I, Mr. Guan, applied for a place to visit." With a smug look on his face, he hurriedly made fun of Xintang's attire before he could speak. "His Royal Highness!" Yoshizawa imitated the voice of a female high school student screaming on TV, "You are so stylish!" "Stop making trouble." Xintang stretched out his hand to rub Ji Ze's hair, "Stupid." "Don't you want to take off your clothes?" Ji Ze saw that he had no plans to change clothes. "I have to go to the class to be a reception later. They said they will wear this." Xintang pulled the straight collar around his neck, feeling uncomfortable. "I didn't expect you to act in a stage play." "I promised to get full marks in the competition in the class. I didn't finish it." I frowned. "...You are already the champion, don't you want to provoke me, the third place?" Ji Ze pulled out a vein and pressed it on his forehead.The backstage was busy, and the conversation between the two was interrupted several times by people passing by.Someone asked Xintang "who is this girl", and Xintang simply replied "friends from other schools".After a while, Xintang was called away, and Yoshizawa recognized the pretty girl playing the princess.I have to admit that if Xintang doesn't speak, the two stand together, they really look like real princes and princesses. Ji Ze took a few steps back, found a wooden box in the corner and sat down.After she separated from Xintang, almost no one noticed her.After sitting for a long time, seeing that the girl was still chatting with Xintang, he felt sleepy. Ji Ze hugged an unused costume next to him, put it under his arm and dozed off.It was like a dream.Dreaming of blurry figures. I want to have common happiness with you. Friends from other schools. Hey.wake up. Yoshizawa opened his eyes.Seeing the prince in gorgeous attire, he froze for a few seconds before he understood his appearance—Xintang pulled Yoshizawa up: "Why did you fall asleep here?" Followed him dizzily through the messy space of the backstage, turned something around his waist, didn't pay attention, and continued walking, with a crash, Ji Ze lowered his head - a large pot of red paint was turned over on the school uniform skirt.The harsh color blocks penetrate quickly. "You..." Xintang felt that she was a little mold star, and couldn't bear to blame her, "This paint is not like soda, it can't be easily washed off." "...What should I do?" Ji Ze finally woke up completely after smelling the pungent smell all over his body.Shindo's eyes turned left and right, and finally stopped on the costume dress that Yoshizawa was still holding in his hand. "It's the first time I've seen the pairing of a prince and a village girl." Xintang commented, looking at Yoshizawa's upper body costume. Yoshizawa blushed, and didn't know what to fight back, so he could only hide behind Xintang.Clothes are supposed to be for country girls.Extraordinary fabrics and cuts.Yoshizawa could only comfort himself by saying that his clothes were normal, if he changed into colorful ones, he would not be able to take the tram at that time.Thinking of this, I got a little bolder and walked to the side of the new hall. The prince and the village girl.It's ugly.But it is true.Beside Xintang, Yoshizawa always feels that he is an ordinary person.Only then did she realize that it wasn't that she couldn't understand Xintang, but that he was far away and hard to reach.Just like the princess and the prince get eternal happiness, the ordinary country girl is forgotten on the edge of the story. "Xintang. Who is this girl? Tell me?" Someone asked. "It's his friend from another school!" Yoshizawa took the lead, "Friend!" Xintang looked at her in surprise.Ji Ze raised his face and smirked at him, then quickly turned away. [Four] It's already evening, and most of the activities in the school festival have started to ring the gong to stop the soldiers.Xintang carried the drink boxes with that outfit on his back, Yoshizawa had nowhere to go, and followed behind him.The sound of chaotic footsteps sometimes sounded from the rear, and then faded away.Ji Ze couldn't help but look back, only to see the shadows passing by on the wall in a hurry. "What's wrong?" Xintang asked. "I always feel like someone is following me." Ji Ze thought that he was supercilious. Xintang didn't answer, turned around and walked into the storage room. Just as Ji Ze was about to go in, he saw him shaking his head: "It's very crowded inside, so you came in." So he gave up and waited outside.You will rarely hear someone talking on the stairs.Although the two female voices are soft, they can still be heard clearly. "Did you find it?" "Lost it. Turned away at the stairs just now. Gone in the blink of an eye." "Do you know that girl?" "do not know." "Just say that they are friends from other schools. Who knows what the relationship is?" Ji Ze straightened his body abruptly. "You go there, I'll go downstairs and have a look." The sound of footsteps approached.Ji Ze suddenly became frightened, grabbed the door frame and dodged into the storage room.Xintang was packing boxes behind the door when someone turned in unexpectedly and subconsciously blocked it.Hearing a muffled "bang", he saw Ji Ze rubbing his head with a look of panic. "What happened?" Seeing her hastily close the door. "Well, it's nothing." Knocking on the door frame, it hurts. "...you, why are there so many accidents?" Xintang stretched out his finger to caress the girl's forehead, and rubbed it in like looking for a young mushroom, "Does it hurt?" "..." Yoshizawa raised his eyes, and the entire shy shadow was pulled away by the setting sun under the eye sockets and bridge of the nose.His eyes couldn't be pulled away, they were fixed in Xintang's eyes like nails.It was the first time she had stared at him so closely for a long time.The strength and strangeness of the past have all disappeared.The close distance makes every detail so clear. "Xintang-jun." He called softly. "Huh?" His voice was softer. "Do you like princesses more?" What I saw was a living prince. "Huh?" Almost confused, after a while, the boy smiled softly, "Maybe." "Really..." Ji Ze lowered his head. She always remembers that scene.The zenith is high, there are no stars and no moon, and there are dark heads all around. There is only a white light on the stage, indicating the focus of people's sight.That is the last of the fairy tale, a symbol of the happiness of the prince and princess.He reached out and cupped her face in his hands.near.A clear and distant move.During the contact, the atmosphere suddenly froze.At that moment, the heart was like amber wrapped in pine resin.Silent pause, infinite distance. "I said Yoshizawa." "how?" "Maybe the prince would like the princess more. But I don't." He could almost see his own image in his pupils. "The reason why I don't want you to come..." Xintang paused, "I don't want you to see certain things." "What things?" Yoshizawa seemed to only ask questions. "...What are those things?" The hand slid out of her hair, stopped at Ji Ze's jaw, and exerted a little force, "For example, these." The space is too narrow.Is it because the space is too narrow?The cardboard boxes were piled up to the feet, and it was difficult to stand still.The dust expands, as if warming up.The setting sun is cut squarely on the wall by the window frame.The gorgeous and luxurious red solidified into a ball.too narrow.His breathing was so narrow that he could hardly grasp the tenderness of this kiss. Lightly pecked like a feather, covering it with infinite tenderness. The tiny sounds in the air suddenly rippled out in whole pieces.The dust ignited by the sun fluttered into the pupils, as if with wings.Something swirled around him, filling his consciousness softly.Yoshizawa thought, that is Xintang. What she doesn't know, and what she already knows about Xintang Sheng.But it doesn't matter anymore. [Fives] Yoshizawa understood that something was different.Her weakness lies in the need for conclusive evidence to push herself forward.The ones that are determined in my heart are always swaying repeatedly, thinking that if I don’t say or do them, they will gradually disappear.She and Xintang may never confess to each other, so their petty minds are digging their own graves somewhere. —Want to know more about him.But I don't know what I want to know.And the truth is, she just wants to affirm him, and she wants him to affirm herself.Among the various reasons for the eye movement, the radiance, the gentle sailing, and the heavy rain, she wanted to find the shadow of the two together. Before leaving school, Xintang went to change clothes.Yoshizawa waited in front of the school gate and walked around.His face was hot and cold, like a little lunatic.It wasn't until the three girls got close to her eyes that she realized that she thought they were blocking their way, and turned sideways to let them go.One of them stepped forward and asked her, "This student doesn't seem to be from our school? May I ask your surname?" "... Yoshizawa, Yoshizawa Yuo..." After seeing it clearly, I realized that the one in the middle who didn't make a sound was probably the girl who played the princess. "Jize..." The girl who asked the question looked at the girl questioningly, "May I ask why you are here?" "Ah, I, I'm waiting for my friend." "Friend. Do you mean Xintangsheng?" The girl on the other side continued. "...Yes..." Yoshizawa felt like being tortured in turn. "What's your relationship with Xintang?" The "princess" in the middle suddenly asked. "We are—" Yoshizawa suddenly stopped talking, "... these, these have nothing to do with you?" "It's so arrogant!" The girl on the right took a step forward, "It's irrelevant? Who do you think Xintang agreed to play the role of the prince? Who do you think Xintang agreed to play the role of the princess? How many people in the school do you think? People don’t think that Xintang is the best pair with whom?!” Yoshizawa was speechless.She looked at the proud and perfect face in the middle.Is it the opponent?She really didn't know anything about the life of studying in Xintang, so she couldn't face this series of problems.but.but-- "I don't know who invited him, so he agreed, and I don't know who he is paired with here." Yoshizawa clutched the lace of the costume tightly, "I don't know what he looked like when he was studying, I don’t know what courses he hates and what courses he likes, what friends he has, what he often thinks about, what kind of past he has, what kind of vision he has for the future...but.” But—— "Xintangsheng is someone I like and am dating." It is enough to know this, "I hope you understand too." this one.enough. The girl's face flushed instantly.She was about to speak, her eyes fell behind Yoshizawa, and she bit her lip instead. Yoshizawa turned his head.Seeing Xintang one meter away, I couldn't see the expression clearly, and stood still. He must have heard his voice just now.I heard it. "Then I wish you happiness. As long as you protect yourself so that you don't become the next person to be implicated by him and die." Before leaving, the girl pressed Ji Ze's shoulder and moved closer to her ear.Ji Ze heard it vaguely, but felt that the meaning of the words was strange.Want to ask clearly, but the other party has already walked away.Before Xintang walked in, he said, "Go back." "...Okay." Ji Ze followed behind him.The shadows partially overlapped, "Xintang... did you hear that?" "Hear what?" He didn't turn his head. "...That's, that..." Yoshizawa couldn't wrap his tongue around, "What I said just now..." "Which one?" "..." He must have done it on purpose!Yoshizawa is determined to end this silly topic. "Cheek-skinned." After a while, his voice came out suddenly, and Ji Ze didn't understand it until Xintang said again, "Is this what you call 'communication'?" When Yoshizawa rushed over to grab his arm, Xintang suddenly turned his head and asked her, "Shall we go to the movies tomorrow?" "Huh? Tomorrow Friday, I have to go to class." Xintang had a half-smile on his face: "Jize." "Yep?" "We are all good students." "Huh?" Yoshizawa felt like a monosyllabic fool. "A good student is..." Xintang raised his eyebrows, and made a "√" in the air with his right hand, "No matter what excuse you use to ask for leave, the teacher will never doubt it." [six] Shindo sometimes thinks Yoshizawa is like some kind of innocent little animal.Like a puppy or a baby otter.He found himself gradually developing the habit of watching her with interest.This girl is the complete opposite of herself.It looks simple and clear.Don't admit defeat.Some are hot and straight.My heart is full of trivial thoughts of girls. That was the Yoshizawa he knew.What he also knew was that he was short in stature, had soft long chestnut hair, and had excellent grades similar to his own, but was unexpectedly careless.Dark brown pupils, thick but long eyelashes, lovely curves in eyes and nose.Very easy to cry.Whether it's an exam failure or a family member falling ill.Too standard girl. But what he didn't know before was that she was standing a few steps away, she was short in stature but didn't flinch, and said with certainty: "He is the person I like and is dating." Her voice carried her taste, texture , and something straightforward.It made him feel like the wind was pointing straight at the direction of the chicken, and he was flying to an unknown place. like.people in a relationship. yourself. It's me. From the dandelion rain in summer, or from the city covered by heavy rain.He heard her voices.Usual and unsurprising.Cover your mouth when you want to smile politely.Occasionally forgetting that there is such a thing as being elegant, the expression is relaxed.Sometimes screaming exaggeratedly.It's also quite unbearable.But for the first time, he knew—her voice could also have some kind of magical power.That made her look like a real princess.The appearance is proud, the temperament is calm, and the lips and teeth are clear. And her voice, clean and straightforward, said "like". "like".Two-word secret language.bottom up.From the inside out.Looking for his traces, I want to gently swallow all the past. Gentle like the past. The gentle, loving voice of the past. Maybe it's the prince's not himself.She is the real princess instead.Thinking of this, it seems too deep, a little nasty and stupid.Xintang ordered himself to stop thinking about it.After stopping, he realized that his fingers were trembling nervously.Xintang walked into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and held it tightly.Walking back to the room, thinking about what excuse to skip class tomorrow, I suddenly heard the doorbell.It was ten o'clock in the evening, and he wondered who would come to visit. When he looked out through the cat's eyes, his face tightened instantly. After the ringing stops.After a long few seconds passed, it seemed that it sounded patiently and well again.Only then did Xintang put down his teacup.Hold on to the doorknob.After a moment of stagnation.Unscrew. The hallway was dimly lit.The silence is like a vine trying to burst into the room.Xintang slightly lowered his head to the person in front of him. "Father." [one] The steps of the cinema spiral.It seems to spin up infinitely.So it seems to have traveled a long way, but the absolute distance has not changed much.Yoshizawa ran two steps faster, and when he looked back at Xintang, he had already disappeared under the stairs.The handrails are hollow copper tubes.Yoshizawa knocked hard twice.After a while I felt his reply-like signal. "Bang bang". "Bang bang".Vague and distant. Morning Show.Very few people went to the movies.It's cold.Ji Ze wants to live in Xintang.After awkwardly changing several postures, he was still uncomfortable.Xintang let her restless.Prop your chin up as usual.The light suddenly gathers at the beginning of the movie, making him look a little strange. Videos are not available.Whichever game is played is the game.In the end, a rather dull literary film was waiting.Yoshizawa was cold and sleepy halfway through, and glanced sideways at Xintang, who kept staring at the screen without turning away. wack.Ji Ze rolled his eyes seeing his serious expression.I want to imitate his actions.But the hands were not long enough. To support the chin, the back had to bend enough. Yoshizawa could only give up resentfully.Returning to the screen in a daze, trying to connect the previously disconnected plot. After an unknown period of time, Xintang felt his right shoulder sink.Reflexively turned his head to look, but a fluffy head approached. It was the girl who fell asleep unconsciously.Carefully scented.flower.Or some kind of fruit.I couldn't see her face at all, but the heaviness from her shoulders made me know that she was sleeping defenselessly. Is this movie so boring?Xintang smiled helplessly.Reaching out his hand to help her into a more comfortable position, he rubbed Yoshizawa's breath with his fingers.The sudden heat hit the somewhat frozen fingertips.The contrast is stark. ... Xintang moved his shoulders.Ji Ze just woke up in a daze: "It's over?" "You sleep again, and it's over." "...This movie is boring." "Then let's go too." Xintang looked around, and the theater was indeed empty, only the two of them were left. "No no!" Yoshizawa's eyes lit up, "It feels like a two-person reservation!" Shindo reached out and stroked Yoshizawa's hair.Then I heard the girl's question mark: "Hey." "Ok?" "Just now, when I fell asleep, did you kiss me?" "……what?!" "Is there? There must be, I feel it!" Yoshizawa tried hard to hide the blush on his face with his eyes wide open. "You really don't feel shy." Xintang looked at her pupils shining in the dark, and really laughed. "Really do not have?" "No." "Really really not?" "No." "Really really, really not?" "No--" "Then, let's just kiss once." "..." [two] What do you think dating is.Yoshizawa didn't know it before.But as written in TV and comics.The two watch a movie.Sing karaoke.shop.eat dessert.Don't forget to sum up a line like "so happy". so happy.Every story will say "so happy". After leaving the screening hall, Yoshizawa finally escaped from the cold, and rushed down the stairs excitedly.look back.The new hall has long since disappeared above the spiral. "Where should we go next?" Yoshizawa shouted towards the rotating steps. "It doesn't matter." The wall was covered with crimson velvet, and the distant voice under the light became soft and indistinct, "It's up to you." Out of sight, there is Xintang walking down step by step.Yoshizawa stopped on the bottom steps.Imagine his insouciance.Poker face.The shoulders are always opened inadvertently.Every time I pass an overhead light, my hair turns an ambiguous dark color.Will there be armrests?The fingers are slender.Level 20?Nineteen?Grade 18?approaching, approaching... "Xintang-jun." He said without reason. "Huh?" The voice came closer. "New hall." "What?" came closer.The footsteps also became clearer. "New hall—" "……"no answer. "Xintang Sheng." Full name. "What a fool." is about to appear.It appears from the other end of the rotating steps on this level. "Ah Saint." The one who walked into the eyes in response to the sound was the Xintang, which had finally reached the ground floor.In the way Yoshizawa imagined.Fingers pointing to the handlebars, the color of the hair is dull under the light, and the shoulders are naturally opened.The only difference is that the casual expression was replaced by a stagnant and complicated expression.Looking at her, stood a few steps away, and then walked closer. "...Ah Sheng!" "Silly girl." Stretched out two fingers to pinch Ji Ze's nose. "You're also shy." Ji Ze laughed at him.In fact, I have long wanted to yell like this. "Sheng" is a very pleasant name, "...Is it okay to call you Saint?" Haven't you already yelled catchy?Xintang spread out his palms to Yoshizawa: "It's my pleasure." "Also, you can also call me 'Yuxu'." When he walked out of the theater, Yoshizawa finally said what he had held back for a long time. "No." Xintang stared into her expectant eyes. "why?!" "It's too ugly." "..." [three] One to one.He caught up with him. "Even bickering, you have to compare, you are competitive." Xintang shook his head. Don't compare them with anything.Ability in voice?Or grades?popularity?height?If he is shorter than anyone else, he may be able to win.Even the Oda cat in the coffee shop likes Shindo more than himself.That's a tomcat.Not as good as him in everything.Ji Ze has long held back his anger.Even if they become a couple, they can't relax their nerves to regard him as an opponent. So, where to go next with this opponent.Yoshizawa thought about it.Amusement park, will you vomit on a roller coaster? It's too embarrassing.bookstore?Just kidding.While thinking, he followed Xintang.At a fork in the road, he stopped: "Jize. Are you going to pray for blessings?" The sentence pattern is to consult, but the tone is like a plea.Xintang stood against the light.Is it the weather?The voice sounded a lot cooler, slices were sliced ​​thinly into the air by his expression, and flew upwards lightly. The shrine is built in the forest at the end of the uphill.I deliberately chose a secluded place, but it was a bit desolate before the new year came.The trees on both sides of the wooden path are straight and tall, and it has already entered autumn, but the leaves are not yellow at all.After passing the torii, the wind was strong.The voice rustled into the distance, undulating like chasing the tide.The sense of unreality is magnified to a strong point in an instant, and it is infinitely dense between the emptiness and the crowding. How come here. Xintang seemed to know his question, and said abruptly: "It's a little early." "It seems a little..." "However. I'm not used to coming when there are many people." So it's always early. "That's right." But it's too early, isn't it? The wooden spoon on the sink was probably not touched for a while, so Ji Ze handed it to Xintang after washing his hands first.I used to think that "it is said to be a hand washing station, but after one person washes it, the water will be dirty, so how can the next person 'clean'?" Now, seeing Xintang rubbing his fingers with his shoulders down, his blurred image is reflected on the water surface. The silhouette, and trance, the water is always clean. pray.Clap twice.Make a wish together.what you want to say?Ji Ze was suddenly at a loss for words. Wish too much.In the past, it was always "my father is in good health and I am making progress in my studies."Two sentences, clear and clear, presumably the gods will also remember.But now there are suddenly more people around.As for his wish, he couldn't explain it clearly in a few words.Bless him, is peace and happiness enough.Himself and him.For a long time?I'm a little embarrassed.Do you want to ask "he must be defeated in the competition" by the way? Really too much. ——Then, God must remember.Bless my father, bless myself, and Ah Sheng.It was the boy Xintangsheng standing beside him.black hair.good looking.Don't get me wrong. After the end, Yoshizawa asked Xintang if he wanted to ask for a lottery, Xintang shook his head, and the girl thought that "upper lottery" is rare after all, and what would happen if she encountered a bad luck, so she gave up.When he turned to leave, Xintang called to himself: "Jize." With a sudden wind, the white paper lanterns crashed into one piece. "I'm moving out next week." The sound of washi paper rubbing against the bamboo frame is clear and vivid.Empty stone path and pine branches.The sun shines straight through on high.The surroundings are like candied haws that are gradually cooling, and a solid shell has condensed.Ji Ze seemed to hear the sound of countless people walking around. They clapped their hands twice and clasped their hands together.Praying for smooth exams, job promotion, recovery from serious illness, consummation of love, success in interviews...Among the countless voices, there is one—— "Please bless Yoshizawa Tamao and Shindo-san together. Be sure to remember." [Four] At 8 o'clock in the evening, Ono, who was on duty at the coffee shop, saw Xindang coming, and was a little surprised: "Aren't you not going to work today?" Xindang didn't answer, just asked "Where is Oda?" Ono pointed to the back door, and Xindang filled the cats Food to find.All the way outside the house, Oda squatted on the roof, saw Xintang, and jumped down in two or three steps. He licked his fingers before eating. Also a clingy guy. "How much weight have you put on?" It is quite difficult to hold it with one hand now. The cat squats into a big ball. "Have you found a wife?" I remember it was a male cat, "Don't be like Yasujiro Ozu." The pieces of fish thrown out of the food bowl by Oda were picked up again. "Eat in such a hurry, in the future..." Realizing that he was talking too much, it was a little abnormal, Xintang stood up and went back to the store, but Oda ran over, still rubbing his trouser legs as usual, and yelling at himself in satisfaction.Such a nympho cat, he will feel uncomfortable after he leaves. Let alone her. Maybe he should tell her honestly that the moment she fell asleep, she really wanted to kiss her. Maybe I should tell her honestly that "Yu Xu" sounds really dirty, but it doesn't hurt to shout. Maybe I should tell her honestly that I go to the shrine early every year because I don’t want to be nervous. The lively crowd and their endless desires will only make you too nervous.Because no one is like myself, as long as you make a sound, most of your wishes can come true.There is almost no limit to the facts that can be fabricated in the voice.The limit is only between talking and not talking.Silence is nothing but helplessness. "The wish must be acquiesced in the heart, and you can't say it, because it won't work if you say it." This is the rule of praying to God, and everyone knows it.But as far as I am concerned, I have to acquiesce in my wish, and I have to bear everything in my heart, and I can't say it. Once I say it, if I use the power of my voice, there must be something irreparable. It is not God who is praying.I pray for myself. A powerless self with strange powers. "Didn't your girlfriend come with you?" Ono asked after seeing Xintang enter the store with the cat in his arms.Not a question to be answered.Shindo put down Oda to find Mr. Takakage.The boss was also a little surprised when he saw Xintang appearing suddenly, and opened his mouth even wider when he heard him resign. "I'm moving out next week. Thank you for your continued care." "Where... is this moving to?" "Outside the county. My parents are there." "Are you not coming back?" "should be." "So suddenly." "Hmm." Xintang lowered his eyes. It is almost a replica of the previous conversation with Yoshizawa.Same question and same answer.It's just that Mr. Long Jing's expression is only regretful. He lost a beloved shop assistant, so he is helpless and heartbroken.This is very different from Yoshizawa.After listening to those answers, her face was calm, and when they got off the shrine and separated in front of the station, they didn't say anything.Until the moment when Xintang sent her to the car, Yoshizawa suddenly looked back at himself: "Are you OK." When he was caught off guard, the car had already started and was gradually driving away.The answer held in his hand was not said after all.Xintang stood there for a long time.At dusk, the setting sun in autumn is a bit vague, with layers of gray and red overlapping.Can't see clearly. --Are you OK. - I'm fine. It's just that my father came here yesterday. [Fives] It is said that children are like parents.When I went with Yoshizawa to visit her sick father a few months ago, although I didn't see Mr. Yoshizawa, from his daughter's appearance, Shindo could almost imitate his gentle smiling face, with layers of wrinkles in the complex wrinkles. With a weary heat.Must be a nice guy too. So.The same distinctive facial features, cold and silent expression, overly sharp eyes, and a mentality that doesn't mind in a deadlocked situation.The man sitting in front of him couldn't be more like his father from any angle. The tea in Xintang's hand was cooled to an indifferent temperature, he poured it out, replaced it with another cup of boiling water, and put it on the table.Turning around, he refilled his father's teacup with some water.There seems to be a slight turning point between the two. "I came here suddenly this time because I want you to move in with us." "...Hmm." It was quite abrupt, waiting for the next supplement. "Your brother suddenly ran off to form some band. Your mother is lonely." "Hmm." The reasons should be more than that. "Exactly. Her mind is fragile." "Is it." "I think at least you must be with her." Under Xintang's relentless gaze, his father's expression did not change, "Will you agree?" There is nothing to agree or not to agree, the key is: "Can she accept me?" After a few seconds of silence on the other end of the question: "I don't think so." "I think so too." Years of resistance can't be changed without saying anything. “但是你弟弟的出走让你母亲非常受打击。所以我希望你能来。”没等新堂开口，父亲又迅速地提出了下文，“希望你用声音，给你母亲暗示，让她以为你是你弟弟。” I see. 身边不是没有传言。学校里也有人知道“新堂圣很可怕”，哪里可怕却找不出确凿的事例，最后你传我，我传你，成了一句笼统的“他杀死过人哦”。听着有些搞笑。都是电视漫画看多了的思维方式。新堂并不在乎这样的细节——不被接纳是很早以前就习惯的事了。 但是看着教务主任听到转学申请时满脸抽搐的样子，心里又有些无奈了起来。起码以班主任为首的任课老师，加上学校领导都非常看重自己。一个个扼腕叹息的样子。 伤心的人很多。消息传得也快，到了下午想拉住最后的机会来告白的女生已经有好几个。新堂一一说谢谢。和自己演过同一场舞台剧的佐藤更是当着他的面就失声大哭起来。他不知道该安慰什么。本以为那是个骄傲如公主的女生，其实也很软弱。 那么不骄傲的软弱的女生，会怎么难过呢？ 看场电影就睡着了的，有时候会异常胆大的，唠唠叨叨的，纯良的。 那个，自己喜欢的女生。 新堂不愿告诉吉泽，因为他不想鼓动她更加失落。 事实上他是多么多么多么不乐意遭遇这件麻烦事。然而他想过干脆瞒着吉泽拒不告之。想过再拖两天拖到底了才告诉她。想过打电话或是留言，以避免太过直接的方式。想得异常艰难。但他惟独没有想过自己可以拒绝父亲。 惟独。 放了学后，新堂正在教室收拾东西，无意朝窗外看一眼。熟悉的外校校服。等他跑到校门，果然是那张略显紧张而又瞬间放松的脸。 “我带了好多土产给你。”几天没见了，却是出乎意料的微笑。 "what?" “你不是要去外县了么，拿去给你父母，他们一定很高兴，分给邻居也好啊。不过我觉得有些你自己留着也不错，像这个白草干——” “我说吉泽。”新堂真的忍不住笑了出声，“你的思维就跟欧巴桑一样啊。” “啊咧——”吉泽窘迫地组不出词。 有个熟悉的手感按到了发间，比往常更温暖地揉了揉：“谢谢。” [six] 一周内要做的杂事极多。新堂想幸好自己没什么朋友，不然一个个告别的话肯定又是一通忙活。等他把学籍和房子都办理完后，货运公司开来车拉走了所有行李。房间一下空空荡荡，只有窗帘没拆走，风来的时候轻轻扬一扬，白得透明。 傍晚吉泽带来两个便当，两人就坐在地上潦草地吃了。凉了的菜，吃得都有些食不知味。 “有微波炉就好了。”吉泽有些遗憾“饯行饭”的不够完满，“你晚上就睡地板？” “你留下么。”却是有些跑题的答案。 “啊？我，爸爸他在家，不行……但是，撒谎……我——”吉泽看着新堂满脸兴致注视着自己，抡起手里的空饮料瓶就砸了过去，“可恶！” 他没有接手，塑料瓶在地面轻轻弹跳了几下后穿过客厅一路滚进厨房。空间太大，丁点声音也变得刺耳。吉泽这才刚刚发现：“我还是第一次来你家……只是现在什么都没有了。” 新堂边收拾着残留边说：“你想象中的家该是什么样子？我为你布置出来。用声音。”就当是临别礼物。 吉泽两眼发光：“要——樱花图案的沙发！樱花图案的床单！樱花图案的墙纸！” “花痴啊。”新堂没有意识到口气的宠溺，“没见过这么乱来的。” 新堂做得很仔细。循着手指的方向为房里添加入虚无的椅子，虚无的桌子，虚无的拖鞋歪歪地放在角落，大大小小。吉泽说要有四双，新堂就拟出四双。男士穿白色，女士穿粉色。壁柜的尽头是花草。他转而问吉泽要不要鱼，吉泽笑着说不用了，才继续。 他口气淡定，既认真，好象又没有真的当真。声音走过墙和地，空旷的房间里逐渐填得满满当当。吉泽想，假的又怎样。假的又能怎么样？ 全世界最美好的屋子。 莹光的花瓣。 循着夜的轨迹溶解在四荒八合间。 临到末了，吉泽觉得还差些什么，想起来后又连忙补充：“还要有父亲！姐姐！和母亲！”这样，家人团聚在一起。如同电视广告上的特写。好象有些呆兮兮的。管他呢。 她说一个，新堂重复一个：“父亲——姐姐——和母——” 母亲。 停在空中的声音，是已经放出去的风筝。想收，线却断了，再也收不回。硬生生被卡断的句子还留着尾音，就这样单单地漂浮。吉泽有些茫然地看着新堂变冷的面色。 Can't say it. 只有这个词，说不出口。 无法显现的一家四人的场面。无法想象母亲。温柔着微笑着慈爱着美丽着的母亲。声音里是一片空白。 [seven] 十四岁时，开始察觉到每次和母亲说话她都会忙乱地抚摩着她自己的脸，姿势紧张。以往新堂没有在意，直到那天闯了大祸被母亲愤怒地训斥，他忍不住提高嗓子顶撞时，却看见母亲飞快地堵住了耳朵。原来那不是习惯动作，那是无时无刻的堤防。 她是害怕自己会用声音说出什么不利的话。 可是，孩子能对母亲说出什么不利的话？ 新堂不愿意去弄明白。 随后新堂就独自住了出去。父母要去外县工作时他也要求留在原处。没有人阻拦。除了弟弟哭闹了两天。直到十七岁。 这几年来新堂经常会想起家、和母亲。他从不阻止自己去想他们。这个念头在脑中自顾自地生成，向四体延伸，到了最细小的末梢，反应出一阵真实的疼，但等它迢迢千里返回中枢时，已经弱小得微不足道。 终于成长为漠然的少年。 成绩的优异，待人的适度，原本全是母亲的要求，自己却依然延续了下来。甚至更小更小的时候，每每获得嘉许，都会被父母伸手揉擦他头发的习惯，也得到了继承。 头发里的温度暖热得多。发丝浓密绕住手指。 每次下意识地如此对待吉泽时，他都会想，这应该是个很祥和的动作。祥和的日子祥和的人祥和的事祥和的父亲祥和的母亲，飞快地堵住了她的耳朵。 怎样的恐惧能使人忘记亲情。 “吉泽，你一点也不怕我？”蹲下身把垃圾分类打包的同时，新堂开口问。 “啊？”吉泽滚在地板上像条小狗，把头扭转回来，看见新堂近处的脸，想了一下，“怕啊。” “……怕么？” “怕你用声音暗示我竞赛时睡着什么的，然后你又拿了第一。呼呼。” 还“呼呼”呢，新堂有些哭笑不得。 “不过。”吉泽挺身坐起来，“那只是我想，并不是你会做。” 她微笑恬然：“阿圣你是绝对不会的。”跟着又飞快地接到下句：“因为我一定能拿第一！超过你！超过你！！”咬牙切齿的样子。 以为新堂会如之前般不以为然或者面带嘲笑，然而他站起身，三步后走近，撂过胳膊。拥抱了她。 力量的大。两人倒在地上。 “怎怎怎怎怎么了？！”吉泽满脑子游窜着不相干的爆炸场面，甚至有人类登月的特写。极端的惊骇。 “没什么。”扣着她的手没松开。 “……你，你没事吗？！”少女漫画！吉泽想，这简直就是疯狂的少女漫画！ “嗯。”其实只是想亲近。然而举动却似乎夸张了。新堂知道做得过火，却没有改悔的意思。稍稍动了动手臂，切合出一个舒适的角度。他弓过肩，自下而上看着吉泽咫尺内涨红的脸，笑了笑。垂上眼帘，“只要一会就好。” 只要一会，蹭住她的下颌，闭眼的世界是墨黑的外海。起伏着恒一的热度。犹如回到最初。 “可，可是，害羞，这样很害羞啊。”舌头绕了麻花结。 “没事。”埋在她颈窝里的声音比往常更暧昧了些，“樱花——落得多了——，什么都会——被它——掩盖。” 樱花落得多了。把什么都掩盖。 十月里虚无的夜樱，纷纷扬扬地折落在两人的手、肩、和身边。流过高点，聚在低处，堆累成柔软的秋夜。声音是风，吹皱逐渐成形的花海。而你我如同尚未啼哭的生命，时光切不断绵长的睡眠。 其实妈妈，我永远那么感谢你把我带到这个世界。 生命在全世界的樱花里。 没有惊扰。沉沉眠眠。 [one] 并非每件事都要分得那么清楚的。 冬天没有下雪，可依然是冬天。新开的洋果子店兼售自制的明信片，也没有人置疑是否应该。名为“独角兽”的马戏团开始了广受欢迎的演出，事实上却并不曾拥有哪怕一头独角兽。可这一切都是存在即合理的，不需要斤斤计较着它们的分界线。 感觉左耳有些鼓涨，吉泽把话筒换到另一侧。于是新堂的声音就被切换到右边。 从右边听起来的声音，和左边有微妙的不同。 多心了吧。哪来的文艺腔。 两人继续刚才的话题。最初谈他的新学校，新同学，那个城市里不同的一切，后来谈到学业。莫名其妙地就开始在电话里一句句推算起公式题。现在想来挺逗的。吉泽看着手边密密麻麻写下的数字，正乐着，听见新堂在那头清清楚楚一个喷嚏。 “你感冒了？” “没有。就是刚下雪，没准备。” “啊，那儿下雪了？” “昨天开始的。” “真好啊……” “嗯，从没见过这么大的。很美。”新堂微笑着。 很美。是多美。吉泽无法想象。自己的城市几年也难得下次雪，谈不上一点规模。从来只通过电视或书刊上了解所谓的雪景该是怎么回事。亲身感受之类的，谈不上。 远处似乎有人在喊他的名字，新堂对吉泽道别：“那我先挂了。” “啊，好。拜拜。”吉泽忙把手指从电话线里绕出来，感到他把话筒往下搁去时，突然地喊，“那个——” “什么？”新堂听见了，重又提起手。 “那个，”吉泽漫漫地看着日历，距离分别后的第68天，“我挺好的……” 话筒里安静下来，有轻微的杂音。吉泽想，落雪声。随后新堂的声音在这中间响起：“我知道……吉泽……我再电话你。” 你看，未必每件事都要分得那么清楚的。新堂搬走的两个月里，电话，偶尔划拉几张明信片，总是联络依旧。频率也不可谓不高。新堂曾说过他攒下了多少电话卡，远远地比划着那个厚度。吉泽遥想着他食指和拇指间量出的距离。 distance.几厘米，几千里。还是连在一块儿。声音衔着，笔迹接着地把他们连在一块。所以不能说这就算分开。 分开不分开的，不是“遥远”就能说了算的事。 [two] 第71天时。隔天就是圣诞夜。新堂很仔细地没有提这个话题，两人就在电话里继续聊些无关紧要的事。其实吉泽想自己并不介意被提及这个日子，以往她不是在家看书就是去父亲店里帮个忙，圣诞节什么的，没有所谓。 不过今年却出乎吉泽意料地破了个例。朋友和她那黄头发的小子吵起了架，哭哭啼啼地扯着吉泽晚上做陪。吉泽拿湿纸巾按着她两个肿桃子眼，叹口气，算是答应了。 两个女生在街上的组合真的不太多见。放眼望去，全是情侣。牵着手的，拥抱着的，还有大大方方接吻的。以前听人说圣诞夜的大街绝对是单身者的必杀之地，果然有道理。朋友显然也受了这刺激，一路抽泣着没完没了。吉泽安慰到最后词汇干涸，干脆由得她去。买来两杯热饮料一人手里一个，在街心花园的圣诞树下歇脚。 “真是个混蛋！”女孩气愤难平，“圣诞夜居然不能在一起，还滥找借口！” 吉泽踢着脚边的石子。一呵气，就是一团白雾。 “前两天还一起去看马戏表演的……”缀满在树梢的灯，把少女脸上的泪渍照得清晰而惟美，“一个人，居然这么难受……” 吉泽不自觉地伸出手揉进她的头发：“别哭了，不还有我在么。” “像今天这种夜晚，除了他，就不该和别人一起过。”女孩怨愤地扭过头避开吉泽的手。 吉泽心里忍不住笑骂可不是你拖着我来的么，现在反成了我里外不是人。终究也没说，举着饮料杯一口口地喝着。皮肤上的寒冷和胃里的温暖形成强烈对比，心里突然涌来一阵不明出处的倦意。 人群不知怎的骚动起来，齐齐往某个地方涌去。吉泽站起身张望，在闹哄哄的喧哗中捕捉着讯息，终于听明白了，是不远的广场要进行倒计时。她抬表看看，还有个五分钟，回头问朋友去么。女孩正郁闷着，摆摆手说吉泽你去吧，我这里坐一会，到时候你来找我就好。吉泽想想，就点了头。 喧哗的灯光和街道，吉泽完全是被人推搡着被动前进。到了离广场不远的地方，没法再走了，和着人群站下来。她踮起脚，只能看见圣诞大钟的钟面，和下面半截的计数牌。踮累了，歇一会，再来。几次踩到旁边的陌生人，吉泽在他们的抱怨中一次次道歉。 数字走到了15。人群由前往后地，纷纷高举起双手，跟着数字一同计时。女孩们兴奋地搂住男友，尖声叫着。 10。9。8。7。6。5。 “4”。一双手从身后圈过吉泽的腰。 “3”。吉泽回过头去。 “2”。男生的笑容突然冻结起来，他惊慌失措地松开手：“对不起对不起！我认错人了。” “1”—— 欢呼声好似酝酿许久终得以爆发般迅速地散开。“没什么，”吉泽在震天动地的声音中对男孩笑笑，“……谢谢你……” 等到家时，发现小腿肿得厉害，难受极了，偏又这时听见了电话铃声，吉泽咬咬牙，飞奔去接过话筒：“喂，阿圣，抱歉我刚刚才回来——” “是……”对方像是被惊得一愣，随后才迟疑开口，“是吉泽先生家么？请问吉泽和久郎先生今天是不是还在店里？……” 挂下电话，吉泽扶着一边的椅子坐了下来。身旁的窗户冰冷，屋里的暖气扑过去，积成了厚厚的白雾。围绕广场附近摆开的圣诞树群，眼下依然点得灯火通明，在窗上变成模糊温暖的黄色水印。吉泽情不自禁地拿手指去划。等回神后，看见玻璃上是一行“Merry Christmas，YOSHIZAWA（注：'圣诞快乐，吉泽'）”。 随后几乎是迅速的，字母流下了长长的水渍。如同眼泪。句子糊开了，看不清楚。 [three] 算到后来，数字乱了，好象是哪几天漏记了，随后就再也对不上。吉泽想想也罢了，进入一月中旬，离新堂搬走三个月有余，知道这个就够了，何必拘泥于具体天数。这段时间里，朋友和她的黄头发男友好了又吵吵了又好，忙得不亦乐乎。富士见和樱丘举办过一场交流活动，各自挑了约30名学生去对方学校体验了一周。吉泽不在其中。人气歌手的唱片发售，吉泽没有买，马戏团最后一场演出，她也没有去看。而这期间，新堂在做什么。 “吉泽，我要去打工，先挂了。”新堂似乎着急时间，没等吉泽再开口就搁下了电话。一句“打两份工是不是太累了”的劝告卡在喉咙，吉泽安慰着自己万一说了再让他感觉像个欧巴桑，也就不再失落。 好象，新堂已经变成了一种声音，被电话线用金属和塑料皮重新包装，浸润着新鲜的雪水，从听筒边涌出摩擦着空气。没法触碰也没法储存。声音不是一枚叶子或一瓢湖水，经过也是无痕。他总是简短地说着他的零星点滴，更多时间是作为听众。吉泽滔滔不绝时，听筒里就充满了落雪般的杂音，带着寂静的寒意。 她从不认为应该伤心。既然他们没有分开。 “吉泽。接下来一个多星期我可能没法给你电话了。”新堂的语气很是抱歉。 “啊——怎么了？” “学校里事很多，我参加的棒球部要合宿，怕出不来。” 挂了电话，吉泽舔舔发涩的嘴唇，猛地皱起眉头。冬天空气干燥，不知几时干裂了小口子。 恰逢学校准备了一周后进行联考，像是要让人全身心转移目标。吉泽便天天看书眼睛酸胀。朋友打量她脸色逐渐白下去的脸色大喊“你真是要成绩不要命”，吉泽扑过去回击。两个女生笑着咯吱成一团。 她决不要的，是伤心。 周末的早晨。天依然是又冷又冽。吉泽赶去抢图书馆的位置，早早出发坐在电车末排上。这个时段，车厢近乎全空，尽管有暖气管，吉泽还是不由自主地打了个哆嗦，靠着车窗，却只觉得玻璃慑人的凉，只能悻悻地挪回身子。 连着几站也没有乘客上来。终于车到一处，吉泽身边的位置被人大刺刺地坐下了。她正迷迷糊糊打盹，冷不防被那位突如其来的中年妇女吓了一跳，随后才揽过被挤近的包，团在角落打起瞌睡。身边有人，就不那么冷了，舒服点。 不知开了几时，停车后突然涌上了十几人。车厢被迅速填满。声音跟着膨胀。吉泽揉过眼睛醒来，看去，一色的陌生校服，不知属于哪个学校的，反正是从没见过。下一秒，她看见了新堂。 没有发现她的新堂圣，正挑着前三排的座位