Chapter 10 Big Chill-2

Great Cold (2) I finally didn't have the courage to go inside, and I couldn't announce that my child was gone. Loved this scene for nothing. Sitting alone at the North Hengmen for a day, all those who wanted to come in were stopped by Bofang. I should think about it alone.Think about my ten years, all these things.My failure. With all the strength I have put in, what I get is her resentment and my own sad memories. Why should I bother to accompany her to wear down such love and hatred. He called Bofang Jin in and said in a low voice, "Ask someone to drain the water in Xianrui Pond and find me something."

Bofang looked at me hesitantly, hesitant to speak.I motioned for him to speak up. "Miss Ai was pulled out of Xianrui Pond, but she hasn't woken up yet... Should the emperor go and see her?" I said numbly: "No need, let the imperial doctor look at it carefully." The bleak weather in the Jinkui Palace, the gray and black dry branches, and the dark sky behind. I shouldn't be there.If I go in this time, I'm afraid I will never be able to come out of the winter again. I can't have this kind of weather anymore. The dusk outside is dark, and there are two phoenixes in the imperial palace in the clouds.Everything is looming in the dimness.

In fact, all the brilliance and solemnity are superficial things, and the inside is just desolate and cold. Now even the only thing I had hoped for was dead in it. Because I have been in Jinkui Palace all the time, the people in Changning Palace haven't seen me for a long time, and when they saw me coming, they were a little flustered for a while. Just let them wait for me to sleep.The jade pillar palace lanterns are really bright, and the refracted light from the colored glaze makes people irritated.Always in a trance when I go to sleep. vaguely. In the dense fog in front of my eyes, I can only see fireworks, bright red and purple.

In front of the firelight, her face was translucent red and strangely purple, and I suddenly woke up in shock, sitting upright on the bed, the palace lantern next to the tent was driven by the airflow, and suddenly flickered on and off. I unconsciously reached out to my side to touch her. Wanted to see if she was sleeping soundly, if the cold had invaded her. nothing. I just remembered those things.Sitting there in a daze in the dark night, for a long time, I didn't know how to fall asleep.In such a dark night, there is no sound.There was silence all around. Think about my child, he left without seeing spring.

I'd rather give all I have for this child, this unformed flesh.But I have never seen him, before I have time to love him, I have already lost him. Hate her so much. I never thought that there would be such a cruel person who even killed his own child just to make me suffer.Couldn't she have dug out my heart with a knife, why bother to take revenge on me in a way that is more cruel than cutting out my heart? The sound of the wind outside was chaotic, one sound like one sound. In the middle of the night when no one was there, I realized how weak and helpless I was.My heart is boiling, like a blunt knife breaking my bones.

A person can't stand it anymore. I got up and wanted to call someone, but I heard movement outside. Someone was calling Bofang quietly, saying: "I'm afraid this is what the officials are looking for?" "Let's hand it over here first, the emperor is resting now, ask the next bureau to remember who found it first." So I called out, "Bo Fang." He answered from the outside.Walking forward quickly, took the bead and came in. The bead has been immersed in the water for so long, and the silver light has dimmed, but it is indeed the one I threw into Xianrui Pond.

It's in my hand, cold.It allows her to leave immediately, go back to her own world, and live her own happy life.Leave me here. Our love and hate are all fulfilled by such a small bead.I don't know her background, don't know her age, don't know her past, just fell in love with her like this, in exchange for the pain now. I hate her very much, but I am also very reluctant.She is my demon, my evil obstacle, and I was born to fall into her hands.In my life, I can only indulge in the snow on the terrace, in the smiling faces of those spring days, and in the warmth of that palm.

If she really leaves here, it will be forever, from now on, I will miss her forever and hate her forever. I will never see her again. I handed the bead into Bofang's hand, and said coldly, "Throw it back into the pond, and ask someone to fill up the Xianrui pond." Bo Fang stood there stunned, not daring to move. "Tell you to go!" I thought about it, gritted my teeth and said, "I'll ask someone to build it with the largest stone, build a pavilion with double eaves and octagonal roof, the heaviest pavilion, and build a double pavilion with Yunshang Xianrui. She wants to leave, how can I follow her heart like this!"

That bead, I want it to rot underneath. I can't get her, I know it clearly now, so I have to let her know clearly that she can't get what she wants.It's that simple. Maybe I was too excited, I gasped for a long time before trying to calm down: "Go to Jinkui Hall." In the middle of the night, the wind came, and it was so cold that it was almost ice-cold.In front of the Jinkui Hall is an open field, and when you look up, you can see the stars hanging down the plain. The brightest star in the middle of the sky is Fomalhaut. Its light is pale and dazzling in the dim starlight around it. It overlooks the night sky, but it is also especially lonely.

Up to now, I have forgotten all the stars that I used to be familiar with, but Fomalhaut, I can never forget. It is bright and lonely among the stars around it. Fomalhaut, when she and I met for the first time, she smiled and pointed at the stars.It is not the morning glory, but she thought she was looking at Zhinu. I might be wrong about that too. Several Fangyi lamps were lit outside the Jinkui Hall, the lamps were purple in color, glowing faintly in the darkness. It's so quiet inside now that you can almost hear the sound of the night wind wrinkling the small pool.I have been looking forward to so eagerly, the light blue color of calamus beside the small pond, I probably can't see it anymore.

The lights in the hall were turned off, and it felt deserted when I walked in. A place I am very familiar with. Entering the main south gate is not the main hall, but a rockery. Passing the rockery, there is a veranda with stalks hanging down.She is now in the Wandering Cloud Pavilion next to the main hall. She didn't see the candle light, so she was probably in a coma. I walked slowly into the Lingyun Pavilion, and the maids outside hurriedly greeted me.I asked them all to go out. Standing there in the quiet night, it seemed that I could even hear her slight breathing, but it seemed to be an illusion if I concentrated on it carefully. The wave light of Chenyou Pool shines on the window lattice that reveals nine flowers, that silver, moving light, in the dark night before, I used to stare at it, secretly guessing how many times my child. So far it's all a dream. She was lying quietly in the bed with gauze curtains hanging like clouds of smoke. After hesitating for a while, he went to look at her through the thin curtain.In the night, her face was as pale as a ghost on a coral pillow. At this time, I felt that the previous lingering addiction was stripped from my heart like a thread.The tough and sharp silk thread cut open the blood on the flesh, watching the blood seep out like beads, dripping to the ground. I stared at her for a long time.She was in a coma, breathless. I don't know if she is dreaming now, or regretting it in her dream. It's fate. When I needed it most, God didn't allow me to meet an amiable and lovely gentle woman, but gave me such a fox, so I had no choice but to love her. I loved her. What can I do? Even if I really want to like someone else, but I have no choice. This is what I have been all my life. Love it, do your best.Then, in exchange for half a lifetime of fuzzy memory. In the hallucination, it seems to hear the plum blossoms falling outside, the light red petals falling all over the ground in vain.Just like when I sneaked over the wall of Yanqing Palace to meet her when I was fourteen, the plum blossom petals that were shaken off by my toes all fell in the distant and unknown past. I just loved this one for nothing. I should have put the beads in my hand next to her pillow, and we will have nothing to do with each other from now on. But I can't bear it, how can I bear her. I bent down, buried my face on her shoulder, and let my tears flow into her clothes.Anyway, even if she woke up and saw it, she would only think that it was the wind and rain that came at night and accidentally wet her skirt.Except for Night Breeze at this time, no one knows how I can bury my humble love. There is another thunderclap in the distance, spring is inevitably coming. Such lingering bees and butterflies, apricot blossoms and spring rain, I don't know how to avoid it? I often stand at night in the wind and dew, and I am crazy when I stand outside the Jinkui Hall.I still remember everything in the past ten years so clearly. Just a small opportunity can pull out all the memories, connecting the flesh and bones. Once touched, it will cause all pain, but I have never had the courage to go in. Today, I want to Looking at her own, she left quietly before, but she was impartial, and she couldn't sleep peacefully. In such a deep night, the bright moon is in the sky, and there is no sound. We are all sleepless all night, and God let us bump into each other. Under the darkness of night, her color seemed to merge into the paleness of the whitewashed wall behind her. My throat constricted and I couldn't say anything. Everything around has lost its color, only the vague outlines remain, with the cold and dark white edges plated with moonlight.It seems that our past has been blown by the wind, and there is no dregs left. Everything is ice cold. She has been here for a long time and cannot go out, her life is frozen.I don't know how she feels in her heart, the hopelessness of countless nights and mornings and dusks.Wait, wait, until people are about to decay, and there is no wisp of smoke.Just like my waiting, there is no way out, and she will not know how I feel. We stood there, looking at each other, but couldn't say anything. The heat in my eyes was unbearable, and the sorrow I had accumulated for a long time seemed to burst a dam, flooding up and drowning me. The whole world has become an illusion, dyeing the stars in the starry sky strangely. After a long time, I took a deep breath and called her in a low voice: "Ai Min." She was startled suddenly, and looked up at me, against the light, her face could not be seen clearly. what can we sayMy ten-year obsession has long since become dust.I forced myself to pull my feet. Now, we have nothing more to say. At this moment, the servants outside suddenly exclaimed in unison. She raised her head to look at the sky with a surprised expression, and a strange brilliance suddenly overflowed from her eyes. I looked back and followed her eyes, the sky was full of countless stars, drawing tracks in the sky, vying to be the first to pass in the darkness. The whole sky is full of shooting stars. Not like the stars, but like the firmament above us all weeping. It seems that even God knows that we have no fate anymore. We stand among the fallen stars in one day, silently watching the great changes thousands of miles away.But in our world, there is no sound of this distant thrill. Night Breeze Hunting.I peeked at her, but she just looked at the sky in a daze. I turned my eyes back to the sky. The servant said from a distance: "Your Majesty, Tianyuxing, you can go up to the rooftop to watch it." I nodded and left. When I reached the door, I looked back at her. She walked slowly to the edge of Chenyou Pool. The flowers of that tree turned a dull soot purple.She was sallow all over. Walking out of the Jinkui Hall, suddenly there was the sound of a small animal scrambling, and a small black shadow rushed past him, submerged in last year's withered grass. The action was extremely quick, and I thought it was something, but saw two court ladies rushing over, calling in a low voice: "Xue Nu, if you come out to see the stars, you will run around, let's see how we deal with you when we go back!" I turned around and wanted to leave when they didn't pay attention to me, but I heard them discussing softly: "Wait a minute, don't tell the empress to run here, the empress will definitely say that I got bad luck, why don't you ask us?" "That's right, even a child has to be alive before the canonization, so it's fate! I don't know what the officials want to keep this woman in the palace for?" The two gradually walked away, and I stood there, feeling the night breeze Thin and hard, like steel wire. In this world, probably no one knows what happened to us. This is good, at least, I still have self-esteem. I hate her, and I can't bear to part with her, so I have no choice but to keep her by my side. I can't be reconciled until I clearly see my teenage dreams rot and dry up. If there was only the moment of first meeting, there would not be so many unsatisfactory things in the world. I was on the rooftop, and suddenly remembered our first meeting before. On this rooftop, she smiled briskly, with clear eyebrows and eyes.She patted my right cheek with her hand. little brother.little brother. If we really just stay at the moment of the little brother, why do we still have so many quarrels and filth? It's a pity that I love her so much, how can I be her little brother. My previous wish was to watch the stars change forever without knowing the cold and heat of the world. But now that I am busy with state affairs, I have forgotten a lot, so I called the Tianjian Lingtailang who was on duty to stand behind me and give me directions. He suddenly remembered something and said: "On a certain day a few months ago, there was no abnormality in the sky. I went up to the roof that night and picked up a strange thing. Now there is still a sky prison." "Strange thing?" I asked him to fetch it for me to see. It was a black square, paper-thin, with a smooth gray concave in the middle. I turned it over and over and couldn't see anything. I asked Bo Fang to put it away and said, "I will show it to the senior scholars tomorrow." When we got off the rooftop, it was almost dawn. "Bofang, if you send that thing to the Jinkui Hall, you say... it probably came from her hometown." After the meteor, it was a fine day today, with clear skies for April. The clouds were so thin that they were torn apart and scattered. I don’t need to look at the court, but because last year Jingdong, Huainan, and Jiangdong were hungry, I summoned several important ministers and agreed to donate millions of dendrobium from the palace to the hungry people in Jianghuai. As a result, there were discussions about who was responsible for the transfer , the two factions protect each other and quarrel endlessly.I know that everyone thought it was a good job, and was secretly annoyed, but there was no other way. I sent a few people with the most disagreeable opinions from the two factions to supervise, hoping to check each other's elbows.It is really helpless to govern like this. But I still have to be scruples about the influence of the queen mother, and I can't ignore it now. Fortunately, although the various factions have different opinions, they all have the ideal of a scholar, and they are willing to help the world to be peaceful, so that they can be famous forever, and there are no treacherous or sycophants.This is also my luck. When I came back from the court, the empress had already led all the palace people to wait for me outside Mu Qing Palace. Today is the waking of insects, and we will open up fields in the harem to show spring plowing. The Empress wore a Tsing Yi today, on which only the cuffs and corners of the dress were covered with precious flowers, and her hair was tied with Burmese silk cloth, which was much more elegant than usual. I smiled at her and said, "Today you and I will be the parents-in-law of the farmhouse." She lowered her head and covered her mouth with a smile. As soon as I raised my hoe, the Queen Mother arrived. Since she claimed to be sick and retired, she seemed to be aging rapidly, as if I took away her energy while taking her power. I made a gesture to hoe half of the furrow, then threw away the hoe, went to help my mother and sat down, half of her body weight was on my hands. Bofang helped me level the ground as before, and offered wheat seedlings.I went down and planted three more, and thought it was quite interesting, so that the queen and people from all the palaces came down to plant with me. Bo Fang hurriedly stopped me and said, "Your Majesty, it's not appropriate for you to touch on farming matters, please." I had to throw something up and wash my hands carefully.After supporting his mother, he left Muqing Palace. When I walked to the Huajing Pavilion, I stopped to sit with the queen mother and looked up at the lights in the forbidden garden. In the dim light of the fire, the corners of the eaves and walls were bright red, making the palace garden seem like a dream. The palace people stood sideways outside the pavilion, and one of them was fine and took a few copper coins and came out to play the shuttlecock.That court lady has slender fingers, a round and cute face, and you can see the fluffy hair on her face. She is a teenager, and she naturally loves to play. The queen mother watched it interestingly for a while, and asked someone to bring the shuttlecock over, tossed it lightly in the hand for a long time, smiled slightly, and said: "The queen mother liked to kick the shuttlecock very much back then, and your father even asked someone to make a special trick for it." Money came to do it for me... It seems like it was yesterday. It's a pity that my good time has passed in a flash." The shuttlecock was thrown by the mother's wrinkled hand, and the copper coin jumped on the ground.The girl hurriedly picked it up. At this time, the queen mother suddenly turned her head and said to me: "In my dynasty, the amount of money minted every year is more than ten times that of the previous Tang Dynasty. By the time of your father's dynasty, the annual amount had reached four to five million guan. The money couldn't keep up with the production, and there was almost a money shortage. People who were born in the Japanese country were not good at minting money, and they smuggled a lot of my coins out. After the establishment of Zijiao Ziwu, it not only reduced the mining and metallurgy of the court, but also made it more convenient for the people. It is a great benefit. " I know that my mother can remember court affairs more clearly than my own youth. She is used to politics, and I am really not as good as her. "In the first year of Tiansheng's first year, he set up a transfer office in Yizhou. A few days ago, the ministers discussed that it could be moved to Kaifeng, so as to control all kinds of money and goods. Has the mother heard of it?" She smiled and said: "Jiaozi is paper and ink. Don't distribute it indiscriminately. You should discuss it with the Ministry of Households." I nodded beside.She also said: "I heard that the emperor intends to extend the area to the local area. The queen mother feels that this is not the custom of the ancestors. Now the new child affairs are set up. The emperor can consider it. Even if he stays in Beijing temporarily, it is still a matter of consideration." Ou Fangda, this person is not worth mentioning, but the Queen Mother personally gave me instructions, so I couldn't help hesitating. The queen mother said slowly: "Your Majesty don't need to worry too much, he used to give my mother something from my hometown, and my mother occasionally remembered it." I hurriedly smiled and said, "The queen mother has given the order, and the child will naturally follow the order." She looked at my expression, smiled again, and reached out to touch my cheek carefully, as if I was still a child before: "Yi Yi, my mother really hopes that you don't grow up." I also really hope that I don't grow up, and I will always benefit from it. I got up at night to watch the stars all night, and I was forced to go back to sleep by you. She smiled slightly, took my hand and said softly: "The only person I am dearest to now is you... Although you are not my own... That Ai Min took you to see her... Now that I know my life experience Bar?" It turns out that the queen mother has already paid attention to the matter between Ai Min and me. I don't want to hide it anymore, and I also know that such a thing can't be hidden from a woman who has watched me grow up and raised me for twenty years, so I nodded. "At least I didn't treat Concubine Chen badly." She said softly, "This is also your father's intention. If you were by her side, your fate might be different. Concubine Chen herself thinks the same way." If I wasn't by my mother's side, I'm afraid my fate might not be different from that of my elder brothers. My silent mother, knowing that she can't bring me anything, would rather give up on me. "My mother's life has been selfish. When my mother gave birth to me in a dream, I thought that I might be able to enlighten all people. But now, I don't know whether I have done many good things or many wrong things for so many years... ...The queen mother sometimes means too much, and I also feel it." "Baby said that the queen mother sees things more clearly than the baby." I said. smile slightly. "However, the emperor should save some face for me. My mother's days are numbered. Please let the emperor announce this matter after my mother's death." "Mother's queen!" I hurriedly interrupted her. She looked at me for a long time, and then said: "The wind is really cold, will the emperor accompany me back?" After I helped her go back, I called Li Zi to come over and asked him to check the branches of Qu Fangda carefully. As long as the queen mother's wish does not conflict with mine, I will naturally try my best to help her achieve it. I went to Zhang Qingyuan's place that night, She once secretly returned the red scape to Ai Min from the back office without telling me, and she was the only person in the palace who would go to the Jinkui Hall to sit with Ai Min for a while and talk.She knows about us. "When the emperor asked someone to send things over in the morning, the concubine happened to be there." She said. "Is it something from her hometown?" I asked hesitantly. "It probably came from her hometown. I saw her press the thing casually a few times, and the thing lit up with a faint blue light. There seemed to be some words on it. Before the concubine could see it clearly, she immediately closed it." "Then, did she say anything?" "No." She said softly. I nodded. Zhang Qingyuan said next to her: "She didn't add a name because of an accident, and now the emperor doesn't pay attention to her. Some people are laughing secretly. Should the emperor go to the Jinkui Hall to sit for a while?" She smiled, but didn't look at it. I casually stretched out the scissors to cut the candles. My heart skipped a beat, but I was a little annoyed that someone else was supposed to talk about our affairs, so I kept silent and refused to speak. So she said again: "If the emperor doesn't like her anymore, her hometown is completely different from ours, and it's not easy to live here, should the emperor let her go back?" "Why should I let her go back?" After talking for a long time, I seemed to slowly realize it, so I repeated, "Why did I let her go? She hates me, and I hate me no less than her. She is already in my palace, how do you want to leave? " Qingyuan breathed slowly in the dark night, for a long time, said: "I'm afraid it can't be as the emperor wants." There was a jerk somewhere.I seem to have heard her words somewhere. I'm afraid it won't be what I want. Someone once said this to me.Then he paid the price with death, making the whole thing slide down to the worst side, the abyss, without a sound.The blood glared brightly under the sun, and the spring flowers bloomed. I shivered and looked around, but it wasn't the bright colors under the sun. Now it's the middle of the night, everything is silent, everything has lost its color under the moonlight, only faint black and white shadows. Zhang Qingyuan said softly: "Ms. Ai's expression is a little wrong now. She often mutters to the air alone, talking about fireworks, walking on the rooftop. I'm afraid she can't be here anymore. Afraid that the disease is not in the body..." She was already in a trance before, could it be worse now? Although I hated her very much, but now I know that she is like this, I am not not sad. Fireworks, step on the rooftop. The things that were blurred into dreams in our memories are now suddenly told by others, and every word is heart-wrenching. I didn't want to answer her, so I turned my head to one side, and after a long time, I asked, "Are you begging for her?" Zhang Qingyuan bowed his head and remained silent for a long time, and said: "Miss Ai came from her hometown. She could have lived a good life here. She found someone she liked, raised her favorite orchids, and arranged her life better than Da Song. All the girls are well. They are about to have children and a quiet future, Your Majesty, it was you who changed her life." "And your majesty, you are the sad one." I should have scolded her, but the pity she saw in my eyes pierced into my chest. Only then did I realize that she was not sympathizing with me.I was very sad. At night like this, he didn't care about pursuing her crimes, but only felt pain in his heart. It turns out that I have loved Ai Min for ten years, but she will never give back what others can give me.And now the people around me understand my heart a hundred times better than her. Why should I like her?It ruined her life and changed mine. When I needed it the most, why couldn't God let me meet Zhang Qingyuan first? I really want to like someone else. The starlight coming in through the window was dim, blue in the deep black sky. In the silence, she suddenly raised her head and said softly to me: "If the emperor is going right now, maybe it's still too late to start with Miss Ai again..." I interrupted her: "Shall I beg her for the last time? If she wants me, I will tear my heart out and give it to her. If she doesn't want me, I can just let her go and let her go back." Said that the child, since it is gone, we forget him... It doesn't matter? As long as she nods, we ignore everything, I forget that child, and she also forgets everything I had before, and we start again? " "Again, where? Since I was thirteen years old? It's a pity that I am no longer the kid who fell in love with her at the beginning. I have changed a lot. Everything is different between us. Is it as long as she says a word , when she smiles at me, I will be happy for the rest of my life, and I don't want to come out?" There is no other way. I no longer have the courage to love her so desperately, my deepest part has already been scarred, and there is no way to be soft anymore. I am no longer that little kid, and she is no longer that fox. We will never have another chance like this. I still have love for her, but my love for myself has despaired.Xiaoman In February Yisi, although the queen mother was not feeling well, she still wore the gown clothes and the Yitian crown to the Taimiao, and the concubine Yang presented it to the emperor, and the queen finally presented it. The title of the Empress Dowager is the Empress Dowager Ying Yuan Qi Shengxian Gong, Chongde, Benevolence, and Longevity. In March, Gengyin pardoned the world in the name of the Empress Dowager Buyu. Since Qianxing ascended the throne, all those who were demoted to the dead because of their mother were restored to office, and those who were banished moved inward.He also summoned famous doctors from all over the world to enter the palace. So everyone in the world knows that I will formally take over the imperial court, and the local government hastened to make preparations. I think Fan Zhongyan and Song Shou must be ready to come back. The imperial court also began to change. Yang Chongxun had already fulfilled his wish and became a privy envoy. After reading a few lines, I ordered someone to take the memorial and return it to Yang Chongxun. "There are a lot of typos in this, please revise and submit again." It is expected that there will be no more such folds in the future. Sitting in the hall of imperial ceremonies, I was in a daze for a while. From the age of fourteen, I have changed a lot, and I can no longer be that child.My mother and I intrigue, win over the court ministers, use factions to fight, use villains who are beneficial to me, and even start to pretend nothing happened before we shed tears for my biological mother, and I am not even willing to fight for my biological mother. , just because I'm afraid of extra problems. What am I for? When I forced my mother into the palace, I used to think that I was just afraid of parting, afraid of my mother's easy separation of me and Ai Min, afraid of being so weak and helpless when I was fourteen years old. However, I also know that is an excuse.What I really want to do is for myself, not for anyone else. The queen mother said, I really don't want me to grow up.me too.I have also recalled thousands of times when I was young, those soft singing voices and those soft footsteps of my mother.It's a pity that we are not ordinary mother and son, we are the emperor and queen mother. No one wants to be like this, but life is already like this. There is no way for people to change and stand at the highest place. What grows from the heart, who can cut open the heart and lungs with a knife, and let go of the dignity of the people lying on the ground? When my mother died, it was March Jiawu. When she was about to leave, her hands and feet twitched. The imperial doctor asked me to avoid it. I waited outside for a long time, the imperial physician rushed out and said, "The empress dowager has collapsed." It was the most beautiful time of spring outside at that time, all the flowers and trees were in full bloom, pink and white, pink, pink and purple, and the smog enveloped the capital, everything was extremely bright and bright. I went into the hall, because the queen mother is not suitable to see the light, the inside is dark and the air is dull. When the queen mother went, I don't know if I saw spring? According to the imperial edict of Xuanmu, Concubine Yang is respected as Empress Dowager, and all military and state affairs are interposed with Empress Dowager Yang. The hundred officials should have been Empress Dowager Yang at the Inner East Gate.Censor Zhongcheng Cai Qi winked at the crowd to make them stop, and then led someone inside to ask for an audience, and asked: "The emperor is already in his prime, and now he has just taken charge of the government. I'm afraid it's not suitable for the heroine to be named one after another?" All the ministers agreed.I didn't say anything. When I went back, Concubine Yang was waiting for me in my palace. Seeing me coming back, she hurriedly stood up to pick me up. I quickly asked Bofang to help him. I was raised by her since I was a child, and our relationship is naturally different. She asked about the Empress Dowager's legacy in tears. I knew she had heard about it, but she still said it once: "The Da Niang Niang said in the legacy that she respects Concubine Yang as the Empress Dowager, and the military and state affairs are interposed within the Empress Dowager. In the future, I will invite the little empress Help the children a lot." She panicked and almost knelt down and begged me: "The concubine is old and weak, it is really difficult to bear the court affairs, besides, I am a woman and I don't know anything about it, please change this sentence in the imperial edict." "This is the edict left by the empress mother, how can it be changed." "Please have mercy on the emperor." She begged. Seeing her like this, I sighed and said, "In that case, I'll go ask my assistant minister." So the queen mother presided over the government, and I officially took over the government.Bofang is the person next to me, and I asked him to be by my mother-in-law's side instead. Those nightmares since I was thirteen finally no longer appear, and I rest in this palace with peace of mind. There was no falling from a high cliff in my sleep, so I was relieved, because there was nothing inside except a dark gray-black void. But this long-awaited peaceful dream, when I really had it, I realized that it was cold and cold. I am most afraid of the cold, since my father died at the age of thirteen. Being defeated by such desertedness in sleep, he sat up in a daze, and everywhere he could see, he was surrounded by flying dragons and flying phoenixes.The night was extremely quiet, and I could hear the sound of my own blood gurgling, but only I knew that this blood was cold, icy cold, and there was no sign of life. Since I was fourteen years old, I have intrigued with the people closest to me, endured the pain and forced myself to boil my flesh and blood to become an emperor bit by bit. Now I have killed all my things, those innocence, trust, Dreams, I abandon them all. I thought that as long as she was by my side, as long as she was still there, I would be fine, my blood would be warm, and I would have a scorching breath.Because I know I could risk my life to love someone. But now, she has put me to death. Now I have the world, but I have lost even the warmth of a palm. My future life will be like this. All the past and the past are rotten in our entanglement along the way, just like a swallow has lost all its feathers, and it has exhausted all its strength, but it cannot grow exactly the same wings again. We don't have time to live it all over again.I will never love her with that kind of strength again. She has killed our children, killed me. That innocent child who had only love at the age of thirteen is dead forever. April fourteenth, Xiao Man.My birthday, Qianyuan Festival. During the funeral of the queen mother, it's all about celebrating, but the etiquette cannot be discarded.Early in the morning at the Yuchen Palace, the queen served me wine for my birthday. That day I suddenly thought, I don’t even know what this woman is thinking, and I don’t even want to know, but she should be my closest person. For so many years, she has always been by my side, even supported her father against the queen mother, and stood firmly on my side, so the queen mother also changed from defending her to targeting her.However, I have been ignoring her.Even though she is not my favorite, I do owe her a lot. However, she was established under such circumstances at that time, I don't know how I can get along with her? She has never had a word with me, so now I can only chat with her about court matters. "Lv Yijian started to talk about Chen Bashi today. I think he has a good view. Maybe it's better to rely on him in the future." The queen sneered and asked, "What can he say? Isn't it just those old stories?" "This time, he tried his best to be different from his mother's habits when he was there, which suits me very well." "But if you present such a note to the emperor as soon as it comes up, does it mean that the emperor will entrust him with important tasks in the future?" I casually said: "Today I also discussed with him, Zhang Qi, Xia Song, etc. are appointed by the Empress Dowager, so I want them all. Naturally, I will rely heavily on him in the future." "Isn't Lu Yijian not attached to the Empress Dowager? It's just that he is quick to see an opportunity, is good at adapting, and turned the wind to the emperor a little earlier than others. Does the emperor really want to use this person?" I nodded and said with a smile, "The queen is right." A few days ago, Yang Chongxun was dismissed, and now Lu Yijian is dismissed. Of course it would be ugly to ask me to come forward, but the queen knew my intentions very well, and found a good excuse for me to dismiss Lu Yijian. In any case, the North Koreans are just speculating.It's the same even if he single-handedly supported me and my mother. I hope that Lu Yijian can know this, so as not to be scruples about me in the future. I am no longer the emperor who needs to listen to other people's advice in everything. Sishi set up Ziyun Tower to celebrate the Changning Festival with a feast of three or more grades.Then I went back to the palace and came to the Liubei Hall at the time of You, and everyone in the harem wanted to serve me wine for my birthday. While changing clothes, Bo Fang said behind him: "Your Majesty, I don't know how to arrange the order of congratulations this time. Miss Ai's imperial concubine has already been drawn up, and the jade books and gold treasures have been made, but for some reason they have not been formally entered. Feng. What does the emperor mean by identities?" Surprised for a moment, I turned around and asked, "What?" Is she actually coming today?Couldn't she justifiably use her poor health to get rid of it? Unexpectedly, he would congratulate me with other people on my birthday. The queen led the crowd to live in Liubei Hall.The rose dew in the palace is clear and cold, but everyone has to wear court clothes and kneel and kowtow in front of them, which is extremely annoying. After all, she still didn't follow the imperial concubine ceremony, and was only listed at the end.In the blur, I can only see her drooping head, the light is dizzy, her hair is astonishingly black, and her complexion is almost terribly white. I want to concentrate and see something, but she loses all description in the golden-purple blush all over the hall. , only the snow-colored wrist and snow-colored neck remained, and everything else melted away. The tripod bells chime, and the silk strings play urgently. The tone of "Qu Po" is changed to the big song "Zhe Zhi". The birthday feast begins. As usual, the first tour of the royal banquet is to look at the embroidered high-dish eight fruit bases, ten boxes of golden scented medicines for cleansing, twelve carved and honey-fried products, ten preserved meats, and eight dishes. Suspend the banquet, and wish the east wind of this year. Tuozhi is dancing to "Santai", bright colored skirts fluttering high, the hall is full of brilliance, the orchestra is in a hurry, dancing sleeves are like clouds amidst the sound of dancing pearls and beating jade.I was in a trance for a moment. 这情景莫不是那春日杏花，开得云雾缭绕，一天地的胭脂琼瑶，倾城俱是看花人。 在最后面。 她就在离我最远的地方，在这杏花的深处，繁华尽头。 浅绛红的一带裙角，上面是缠丝的秋海棠。 她一直低着头，我穿过重重浮光掠影，看见她的手，她的容颜，她的衣裙。 离得远了，怎么也看不清楚。无比难过，却也无比悲哀。 不知不觉第二巡开始，八盘切时果，十二品时新果子，然后又是十二品雕花蜜煎，十二道砌香咸酸，而后上的是十二味珑缠果子，荔枝甘露饼、荔枝蓼花、荔枝好郎君、珑缠桃条、酥胡桃、缠枣圈、缠梨肉、香莲事件、香药葡萄、缠松子、糖霜玉蜂儿、白缠桃条。 我问旁边的伯方：“这荔枝蓼花是新品？” 他忙示意尚食局的人上来，那内侍启奏道：“汴梁人家以油饧缀糁作饵，名之曰蓼花，荔枝蓼花乃在荔枝肉外滚上糖衣，入油炸为蓼花状。” 伯方笑道：“皇上大约没有见过蓼草，这名字是取其形似，象那蓼草花。” 我微微点头，用筷子拈了荔枝蓼花仔细地看。不看其他人一眼。 只怕自己突然就歇斯底里，丢下了满殿的盛妆逃离那绛红裙角上缠丝的秋海棠。 蓼草花，我怎么会没见过。 在那个瓢泼的雨天里，我眼睛被暴雨打得几乎睁不开，蹲在墙角里寻找。我至今清晰记得那种微熏的辣味，和烈酒混合，汁液的绿色暗沉，大约是极苦涩的。 暗地里居然精神恍惚了起来。 第三巡上来，正式的御筵才算开始了。 名目罗列有下酒十五盏，每盏两道菜，成双作对送上来的，共计三十种。五盏一段落，各有歇坐、再坐的间歇，还有插食八品，劝酒果子十道，厨劝酒十味，间以乐舞伴奏，时间冗长，纷繁错沓。 我以前常是在母后宫中与她一起用了，即使现在，平时也仅只是传半膳，今天这长长的筵席下来，还是三个时辰中的第两次，心里颇不耐烦，况且今日的心情也不适宜，异样恹恹的。 上到第十一盏，是螃蟹酿橙与鹌子水晶脍。螃蟹只取两螯嫩肉，橙子用江南归园种，果皮上雕的龙纹鳞爪毕现，贴金箔云朵，龙口含的珠子用的是南海紫珠，光晕与橙子的金黄在一起，尤其美丽。 我记得她是很喜欢螃蟹酿橙的，以前在她那里，也曾经做了给我吃过。她用的螃蟹不过是普通的洗手蟹，可是，她笑吟吟把橙子的盖一掀，那清甜的香味居然比这尚食局的出色百倍。 独自在这样的觥筹交错中意兴阑珊。 一切的欢笑都极其遥远，只有我坐在这里，他们表演的喧闹喜庆，却恍如远在千里之外。 如同我十四岁时在正阳门的上元节里，排除在所有人之外的深远孤寂。 只是尽力不去看那浅绛红的一抹颜色。 那颜色却在这大殿的喧哗中，艳艳地燃烧起来。 筵席近尾，各宫一一上酒倾杯。虽只稍微沾唇示意，小半个时辰下来，已经厌烦至极。 到她捧盅上前时，我已经几乎醺醉，伸手去要接她的酒，却在恍惚中握到了她的手。 我犹豫了下，缓缓把手收了回来，看她却没有什么反应，只微微把酒盏再举高一点，呈在我面前。 我默然把酒接过，听到她轻轻说了一句话，她离我很近，虽只是口唇微动，我却听得极清楚。 她说，小弟弟，我们真不该落得现在这样。 不知道是什么感觉，心里疼痛已极。 许多幻象在眼前一闪而过，快得让我无法看清，徒留了茫然。 酒罢离席，依例携内宫人去积庆殿祀真君。 一群人从内宫城出来，出到外宫城，守卫开了重门，车马磷行。 积庆殿在广大平场的右侧，左侧就是司天监，外墙内高高的步天台直上云霄。从这里看去，那里似乎可以直通九天。阴暗天色里看不大仔细，轮廓雾霭。 我盯着那步天台看了一回，那里是我少年时最喜欢的地方，也是，我们最好的时候。我们初次相见，就是在那上面。当时我能用一年来等待一次见面，现在想来，真是不可思议。 假若我们就停留在那样的时间里，没有逾越，没有另外的所求，也就没有现在的求之不得。也许对我们来说，才是最好的人生吧。 那是她以前来我们这个世界的地方。 转头看她在远远后面的车上下来，在灯火下，她安静扬头看步天台，此时风露满天，她身边海棠红色白色铺陈，如雪如雾。夜风里一切都淡得几乎没了颜色，只存了隐约的轮廓，月华冷淡。 良久，她把头转回来，去看身旁的海棠，那夜色清冷，打在她的轮廓上，虫蛇般青色逶迤，尤其凄清。她伸手去抚摸那花瓣，四月的海棠已经开迟了，经她手轻轻一抚摸，那些娇艳的胭脂色，从她的手里散落下来。就像我们的年华，这样在她的指尖散落下去。 窗外一声尖锐的声响，钻刺直上空中。 我们下意识地从窗口往声音的来源看去。是步天台。 在十四将圆满的月色下，矗立在黑暗中的步天台，那最顶端处有烟火冲天而起，在天空中万千光彩迸射，交织就大片明媚的五月花朵，那花瓣密密地斜穿成一张光网，每个交叉点都有菊花瓣似披散下的光线四下炸开，鹊尾一样渐隐。 照亮整个禁苑。所有人屏息静气。 我看着这天空中盛开出的嫣红光芒，惊愕得不能自己。 我十四岁时，见过这样的烟花，是她从自己的世界带过来的。 外面有人惊呼出来，问：“你要到哪里去？艾姑娘……贵妃……” 我大骇，急奔出殿。隐隐看见前方阔大的平地上，有个人影鬼魅般狂奔。在黑暗中隐约了影迹，像要被黑夜吞没一般。 周围所有的内侍守卫全都因为不知所以然而没有追上去，只看着她在烟花的绚丽光芒中飞奔。 我突然想到张清远那一夜对我说的话：“艾姑娘现在……说什么烟花，步天台的，恐怕她已不能在这里了。” “皇上现在马上去的话，也许还来得及，重新和艾姑娘开始……” 原来……如此。 我在周围一片沉寂中，顺着她的去向，用了所有力气向她奔跑。 听到自己的呼吸，喘息急促，心肺都几乎要承受不住而炸裂。 她是另一个世界的人，不论是狐狸，是蛇妖，还是仙子。 她不是我的，现在，她要离开我。 狂奔。她的衣袂在风里飞卷，一路上那九行金钗的鬟髻全部散落，在夜色中金光闪了一闪就坠落在地上，那头发全在身后纠缠缭乱。 她提着裙角，轻纱的服裳在她身后被气流扯得笔直，飞雪一般。 她就像挟风雪而去的狐狸，我如何拼命，也抓不住她。 步天台的台阶盘曲环绕上高天，她向上面奔跑，我紧追上去，她渐渐气力弱下去了，我接近了她，艰难地在转弯处伸手过去，触到了她后背。 只要我收拢了我的十指，她就依然是我的。 即使死，也要在我的身边成为尸体。 只要我收拢自己的十指。 面前的黑暗中突然有万千颜色刹那闪现出来。 那白色的是我们坐在步天台上，洁白雪花一直落到最深远的底下。 青色的是上元时节那雪柳在鬓，柳梢的青气暗涩。 粉红色是重逢时那些杏花斜里横里缭乱，颜色浅红深红，一半随了流水，一半随了尘埃。 艳红的是赵从湛的血在阳光下鲜亮得刺眼，从他的身下慢慢地向我们脚下流淌过来。 银色的是我抱着她在芦苇中，周围全都是银白色的光芒，在月光下隐约。 亮黑色是禁苑大火中，炙风卷起一层黑红灰烬，水波一样向四周荡开，激得她发丝和裙袂高高扬起。淡红色是她的血，在冰水中蛇一般蜿蜒，就像眼看着怨恨生根。 十年来所有色彩，斑斓鲜亮，全都在我面前倾泻而下。 我的手没有合拢，夜风就这样冰冷地从我的指缝间穿过去。 只一刹那的恍惚犹豫，我最后的机会失去了。 她奔上了步天台。 我盯着自己的手，看了很久，月色在上面光芒青白。那颜色是冷的，一直蔓延到全身。 忽然就觉得疲倦。疲倦得几乎心力交瘁。 那感觉，大约和心灰意冷差不多。 我迈完最后一级石阶，抬眼看步天台的平台上，空空荡荡。 Nobody. 她就这样消失了。 我木然地在步天台上走了几步，靠着轨天仪坐下，月光从后面打过来，圈轨层层叠叠，光线与阴影叠加。眼前光斑跳动，隐约就是她在对我笑，狐狸样的清扬眉梢。第一次见面时肆无忌惮的笑声，响铃一般。 我从未见过的活泼生命。 她说，小弟弟，小弟弟。 她又说，我有这么恨你。 原来她要离开我，是没有办法的事，无论如何阻止，我都是没有办法的。即使现在她的珠子就埋在仙瑞池的重檐双亭下，我也依然没有办法阻拦她。 眼睁睁看她就这样远行回自己的家乡，从此永远消失在我的人生里。 四月的夜风夹着春寒，似乎撕得世上的所有消失所踪。 步天台上除我，再没别人，只有风声凌乱。 在我们相遇的地方，我一个人送她离开。