Chapter 11 rainwater

I don't know how long I sat on the terrace, when I heard the sound of footsteps, I looked back. It's Zhang Qingyuan. She saluted me and asked in a low voice, "Is Miss Ai gone?" I remembered what she said to me that night, and I wanted to ask her if she knew what was written on the black sheet, whether she did it on purpose or not. But, that's all.I don't care anymore. Anyway, she has left me forever. Sitting on the Butiantai with Zhang Qingyuan for a while, her body was warm. She said to me softly: "It's late at night, go back." Her voice was gentle, softly whispering in my ears.

It was like being stabbed suddenly by a steel needle in the heart vein. It was not a sharp pain, but it hit the vital point.Throat constricted, unable to say anything. Nodding, he took her hand. I think I can finally find someone I like.The last thing I lack is people who like me. In Xia Siyue, when Renyin pursued his concubine Li as Empress Dowager, posthumously posthumously Zhuang Yi, and reburied Yongding Mausoleum, when Yi Lichen concubine Zigong, I naturally couldn't go to see it. Let Li Yonghe, mother's younger brother, go to see it. , He came back and said that he was raised with mercury, his appearance was lifelike, his clothes were strict, and he was given a first-class gift, and he was crowned and dressed like an empress dowager.

The queen mother was right, and she was kind to my mother. Everything she did, I couldn't find any excuse to play.Since there is no way to remove it, I can only choose to treat the Queen Mother's line well. Kuichou, call back Song Shou and Fan Zhongyan. During the Dragon Boat Festival in May, without the special instructions from the queen mother, the people in the internal bureau forgot to make roasted deer.I think so, Ai Min said, the taste is very strange, I used to like it when I was a child, and only my mother will remember it. I went to Fengci Hall to burn incense for my mother, and sat next to me, thinking about her soft words when I was young, I didn't know what to do, and it was hard to imagine how I should miss my mother.

I don't know who will really think about me in the future? Originally I told Bo Fang not to disturb me if there was nothing serious, but he still came. I asked him what was the big deal, and he reported, "The empress invites the emperor to Yuchen Hall." It turned out that the queen had found a dress embroidered with nine phoenixes and nine Zhais from Zhang Qingyuan, and she was making her kneel on the ground and smash it up with scissors. I stood outside the hall and glanced inside. Zhang Qingyuan was kneeling on the ground cutting her skirt, with her head buried very low. I didn't know what she looked like, but I saw a bruise on her forehead mixed with dust.Her hair was disheveled, probably because someone grabbed her hair and kowtowed to the ground and made her into such a mess.

She lowered her head and grasped the scissors, because the grip was too tight, the knuckles of her fingers protruded, as if convulsed. I hurried inside, the queen stood up and saw me, and then asked: "The emperor thinks, what should be done with the beauty's private clothes?" "The affairs of the harem are naturally up to the empress to decide." I said casually. The queen bowed her head and saluted me. "However, should we go to the inner palace to check who made the clothes for her, and then we will be punished together?" I asked, and the queen didn't push her any further, she nodded and said, "The emperor is right."

I turned around and asked the maid next to me to pull her up and take down the scissors, "Don't worry now, let's talk about it when things are clear." Zhang Qingyuan's lips trembled. He looked at me for a long time, but couldn't catch his breath, and suddenly passed out on the ground. Her body has been deteriorating since then.Every time she ate something, she would cough violently until the food and blood came out, then she could recover, looked up and smiled at me: "Okay, that's all I'll do." I never knew her temperament was like this, and I was too shocked to speak.

In September, the queen mother's coffin was summoned, and I personally escorted her out and sent her out. She wanted to go to the emperor's side.I went to Hongfuyuan again, put on a light yellow shirt with a plain gauze head, and led my mother's Zigong out. When I left the gate of Huangyi Palace, I burst into tears, not knowing which mother it was. I think all the women who came to my side ended up like this.It may not be bad for Ai Min to leave me. In November, Zhang Qingyuan passed away, and so did Hong Ting.The palace people around her said that she had been refusing to drink the medicine and poured all the hot medicine juice into the red scape pot.She didn't keep the red scape, perhaps because she thought it was better to give it to me?

I chased her down as queen, and Guo Qingyi had a big fight with me in her mourning hall.Shangmei came out to accuse her, her words were too much, she was very angry, she waved her hand and hit her, hitting me on the neck. I asked Yan Wenying to order Lu Yijian to wait here. He still remembered the grievances with the queen, and said in terms of Han Guangwu affairs: "It has existed in ancient times." Fan Xie also said: "There will be no children for nine years. It should be abolished." In December, the abolished Empress Guo was made Concubine Jing and Master Yujing Chongmiao, living in Changning Palace.

In August of the first year of Jingyou, the star changed, and the world was amnesty, and he avoided the main hall and lived in the Chonghe Hall. At that time, I was in poor health, couldn't eat much, and lost weight quickly.It wasn't until Dingyou in September that my body gradually recovered. On the day when I came out of Chonghe Hall, the autumn sun was so bright that it made people dizzy.That day I met Cao Bin's granddaughter for the first time. Cao Bin was the first general who founded the country. His granddaughter was hired into the palace after Guo Qingyi was deposed. The woman's face was so bright in the sun that I could hardly keep my eyes open.

I thought she looked like a person, but I couldn't remember who it was at the time. She is good at flying white type, and her writing is a bit like mine.After becoming my empress, the first time I asked her to help me write a draft edict, I found her staring at the edict, her eyebrows slightly frowned, and her eyes were covered with the familiar coldness. I finally know who she looks like. Like the queen mother, she is a woman suitable for power and politics. From then on, I harbored some inexplicable fear and love for her. In the first month of the fifth year of Qingli, it rained.

I had a dream that night. Since Zhao Yuanhao proclaimed himself king in the first year of the Ming Dynasty, he has invaded almost every year. In my dynasty, I saw the land loss. The imperial court raised more than one million soldiers, but they were defeated every time.The Song Dynasty had a large territory, a large number of people, and a large amount of wealth to defend, but the rebels had no burden and could go wherever they wanted.Once captured, there will be a large number of wealth and beautiful women.We don't have enough strong horses, and the infantry-based troops attack the well-placed cavalry troops on the plains, and failure is also foreseeable. So the court talked more and more about peace talks. I really hesitated for a long time.During that time I often sleepless nights.When I was fourteen years old, I began to hate the weakness of my dynasty. The Central Plains had never been so small. Even the sixteen prefectures of Yanyun fell into the hands of the Liao people, and the Song Dynasty could not even raise fast horses. When I was young, I had eagerly thought about what I would do in the future, thinking that as long as I had the will, I would be the emperor, and I would naturally be able to turn the whole world around. Now I know that imagination is different from reality.The achievements of the king must be built on the flesh and blood of the people.In Shaanxi alone, the annual military expenditure was 20 million guan in peacetime and 33 million guan in wartime.Thirteen million more.And if there is a peace negotiation with the Liao Kingdom of Xixia, the imperial court will only pay 300,000 guan every year.Da Song's annual tax revenue is more than 10 million yuan, 300,000 yuan, which is insignificant. But how does the dignity of a country compare with the stability of the people? Later, I also felt guilty. One night, I went out of the palace and ate a bowl of Yuanzi in the shed in front of Fanlou. Yuanzi has risen to five yuan, and I am the only one who eats it.The old man's complexion was getting worse and worse. When it came to the price of rice soaring from the original 800 Wen a stone to 2900 Wen, he couldn't even get back the money. "How can I survive?" He shook his head and said, "I had to clean up this stall and go back." The person at the stall next to him asked: "What are you going to do when you go back? Farming? This year, you will have to increase the tax. You see, if this battle continues, it will be increased next year. There are famines everywhere outside. It is good fortune to be able to stay in the capital." When I went back, I dug out those memorials to persuade peace and read them for a long time.There have been rebellions and mutinies in various places for more than a year.If this battle with no chance of winning continues, it will force the people into trouble. Mencius said that the people are the most important, the country is second, and the king is the least. Find a good reason for yourself.So a peace agreement was concluded with Xixia, and a large amount of silver, silk, and tea were given every year.For the Liao Dynasty, it was also negotiated to increase the Nasui currency. In the heart, after all, he is dissatisfied. I just started to understand that if we want to fight against external enemies, we should start from the inside. In the third year of Qingli, I appointed Fan Zhongyan, Han Qi, Fu Bi and others to be in power, hoping to rectify the administration of officials.I think the development of the overall situation is stable, and it is always good to accumulate a lot of external resources. It is indeed effective, but it cannot avoid touching the interests of some senior ministers. Naturally, I would not believe the charges against Fan Zhongyan.However, when the entire court began to agree, it was not what he did, but what the courtiers wanted me to do. But I was born with a weak temperament, and I couldn't point out that everyone was rebellious. In the first month of the fifth year of Qingli, on the afternoon of the rainy day, the edict announcing the abolition of the Qingli New Deal was drafted by Tianzhang Pavilion and presented in front of me. I stared at the edict and listened to the rain outside, which was chilling. Finally, he closed his eyes and printed the jade seal on it. Yan Wenying took the edict and went out, and all the officials waiting outside knelt down to listen to Yan Wenying read it out, and said in unison: "Long live, long live, long live." In my life, I have probably failed in the end. After returning to the palace, I heard that Bofang had been guarding my mother's mausoleum for so long, and now he became ill and passed away. I was devastated when I received the news of his death.Although I hate him for leaking about Ai Min and me to my mother, causing us to be separated for five years.But I can't help but think that he is the person who has been growing up with me.When I was thirteen years old, I waited for Amin in the cold night until I was almost dead. If he hadn't carried me back, I don't know what would have happened. "When he is dying, please let us present this to the emperor on his behalf." The messenger handed it over, Yan Wenying took it and forwarded it to me. The tightly sewn brocade bag, after being taken apart, there is only one bead. The silver-white oval beads are cold to the touch, penetrating into my veins, and reaching the heart and lungs. He actually disobeyed me and did not follow my will to bury this bead and Xianrui Pond deeply. Why did he keep this bead secretly? Didn't I say at the time that I want Ai Min to die here? Could it be that even he knows that what I will leave behind in the end will be nothing but memories? I had a dream that night. I dreamed that I woke up in the middle of the night and had a sudden craving for a bowl of mutton. Sitting up alone under the candlelight, he wanted to ask Yan Wenying to pass on the news to Shangshiju, but on second thought, forget it.If you ask for it casually in the palace, it will become a custom outside.If I want a bowl of mutton soup tonight, I will slaughter them every night in the future. After a year, there will be hundreds of them.If a rule is formed, I don't know how to calculate the number of slaughters in the future.Now the price of sheep is extremely high, and a catty of meat costs seven to eight hundred.Why bother to give me a bowl of food and create such a bad example. After sitting for a long time in the dark night, I got up and stood in front of the window to look outside. The rain had stopped and the sky was washed.Fomalhaut stood proudly high in the sky, his light pale. It is doomed to be alone.Because there is no foil, it can shine brightly among the dim stars around it. Fomalhaut, the star of the army.When I was young, I thought that one day I would sweep the north with Beiluo. Now in my life, I don't know if I still have a fate with it.Surrounded by powerful enemies all around, is there any fate between Da Song and it? I watched it for a while, and for some reason, I felt extremely depressed. In such a night, I suddenly thought of her. The bead left by Bofang lay safely in the agarwood box inlaid with mother-of-pearl.I picked it up, but by a strange accident, I missed it and fell to the ground. I leaned over to pick it up, only to find that the bead fell somewhere, and it opened slowly on the ground like a clam shell, revealing two small red and green beads inside. I picked it up in surprise and looked at it in my palm. The red and green beads glowed, flickering in the darkness. I looked at it for a long time, and reached out to touch the green bead. The bead was lightly pressed by my hand and sank.There is a wind whizzing past my ears, and it falls far away to an unknown place.Startled, I looked up and looked around. The world around me was all distorted, the pillars bent, the algae wells rotated, and even the floor tiles under my feet began to undulate. In horror, I reached out to hold the window beside me. The moment I stretched out my hand, everything around me changed, and my hand was on a wall I had never seen before. Turning the head to look behind, it was all darkness, no candles were lit, only the dim light coming in from the window.I can vaguely see that the room is not big, but the things placed there are very weird. After looking at it for a long time, I don't know if those things with only shapes and no patterns are furniture. I leaned against the wall for a long time, and slowly got used to the darkness here, and moved to the window, which was inlaid with transparent, hard and smooth things, like the glass from the Western Regions, but it was so big and smooth, It's amazing. Looking outside through the cracks in the curtain, the whole world is full of radiance. Those strange tall things seem to be the houses here, and the inside and outside are shining with light. Even the street has beaded lights that shine bright light. Illuminated pink by the excess lights, the color of the sky was so pale that not a single star could be seen.There are also strange things roaring to and fro on the street, so fast that they disappear in a blink of an eye. This world is so bright that even the stars and the moon cannot appear in the sky. Surprisingly beautiful, but also weird. I don't like the view, it's a very strange night. There is a door next to the window, and I don't know what is inside.I hesitated for a while, then reached out to push the door, but couldn't open it.So I grabbed the handle on the door and turned it left and right a few times. The door clicked softly and was slowly pushed open by me. There was no light inside, and it took me a long time to let my eyes adjust to the darkness, and gradually I could see the outline. On the opposite bed was a man sleeping peacefully. I walked over carefully and carefully looked at her sleeping face in the dark. The face that I cuddled carefully in countless nights back then. I don't know if it's a dream or an illusion, I feel that she doesn't seem to have changed much, she is still the same as before.But when I leaned down and took a close look at her, I realized that staring at her so closely, she was no longer the clear and raised eyebrows of the past. There were already slight wrinkles between her brows, and she seemed to be unhappy all the time. The person I liked so much back then, after all, I never had the chance to watch her grow old by my side.She still only ages in my dreams. In such a vast and long period of time, she just happened to appear at the moment when I needed it most. In such a vast world, she fell in front of me impartially, so I fell in love with her. This is probably fate. Or maybe, it could be disaster. Yes, who knows if it is disaster or fate. Now I know the benefits of silence.I would rather just watch her quietly while she is sleeping like this. I should have buried all the past with silence. I reached out and stroked her hair, but the hair felt nothing.It's the only thing I can get my hands on. An open book lay next to her pillow, covered in flowing hair. I saw a picture on that page, a man with a gloomy face, gray and dull.There are the following words. Zhen Zhao Zongren Song. I hesitated for a while, and read the five words in reverse, almost in fear. Song Renzong Zhao Zhen. It is the brushstrokes of a court painter.There is a word next to it, saying "reigned for forty-one years." My eyes fixed on the painting in horror. Is this what I will be like in the future? The people here can see my future.Knowing that I will become such a person in the future, my eyes are empty and dull, my head is buried in my shrunken shoulders, and my eyes are dull.It seems that in life, nothing is worth looking forward to. Everyone here has seen it, and now I am stepping towards such a self. I am going to do this for forty-one years as an unachieved emperor. When I was very young, I used to have ideals, but now that I have become the emperor, I have forgotten even the basic star map.I also used to think that finding someone to rely on with me would make my life complete, but in the end I failed to get what I loved.I used to have ambitions, but now it has come to a disastrous end, so I know how to be a good emperor in the future. From being an ignorant child back then, to now knowing how to use wrists, how to ignore ideals, and how to compromise with life. This transformation is not without pain. The only thing I have to do now is to give birth to an heir for myself, to sit on the throne that will always be vacant. To have a son for Da Song with a certain woman is the last thing I want to do. I didn't do anything bad.But there is no achievement that can make people remember me. I am a mediocre emperor. Even his own love is also a dream bubble. For a lifetime, it looks like this. I put the book back slowly and stared at her face, always afraid of disturbing her. She was breathing softly, and she seemed to be much better after returning home, unlike before when she was by my side, the slightest sound would frighten her. Unfortunately, I am not the one who can make her happy. What I do now can only be like the night when I was fourteen, timidly holding up a strand of her hair and kissing it delicately between my lips.The aroma of white orchids is exactly the same as it was many years ago, green and dark. Just like meeting for the first time, in the orbital instrument, her breath gently sprayed on my neck.I can reach it, but I can never get close. that's it.Everything between us is over.Oddly enough, I don't even have the slightest bit of sadness now. The juvenile love affair, vividly in the past. I was crazy at that time, I was intoxicated at that time, who else can I give it to now?I don't have any anymore, but when I have them, I give my best to others, and that youthful life is not in vain. I stood up and gently closed the door again, using the bead to go back. The moment I left, I felt dizzy, and my body hurt like it was about to be torn apart. That's right, this bead should have been broken long ago. After more than ten years, it would be a miracle to bring me to her world once.Now I probably can't go back. I let go of her bead and let her drop to the floor in the weird, twisted world around me.The heart was burning violently, and the entire floor was curved and undulating. A vast expanse of darkness surged up in front of him. When I woke up, I heard birds chirping outside. The night of wind and rain has passed, and now the sun is faintly coming through the curtain. Reaching out to look at my fingers, recalling last night's dream, those seemingly endless sea of ​​lights, that seems to be a portrait of my future.The faint scent of white orchids. It was all a dream. I got up to go to court, but the queen came in and said with a smile: "It rained yesterday, and today all the officials are resting. Why did the emperor wake up so early?" "I forgot." I stood up and asked the maid to dress me. Looking up at the mother-of-pearl box on the side table, it was empty. I looked at the box for a while and asked Yan Wenying to take it out. The queen showed me a jade flute, and said: "Today, the internal bureau re-examined the lost imperial objects outside the palace, and returned this from the clan. It is said that it was given by the first emperor to Zhao Congzhan, the son of Luzhou Hou who died more than ten years ago. Yes, now it has been brought back to Da Nei as usual, I like it very much, so I brought it here, the sound of this jade flute is really good." I looked at the purple jade flute she was holding in her hand, and slowly said: "Back then, Cong Zhan played the flute very well." If there were no Drunken Flowers, no fear of me gazing outside, and no Fan Louna's jump, he, she, and I would definitely be very different. At least, two people are happy, although not me. But so what?Even if we can go to the past and start over, I'm afraid we will still be the same.What's more, we don't have time to live again. The queen asked: "It is said that the emperor also liked flutes back then?" I took the jade flute over and stroked it slowly for a long time. For some reason, I lifted the flute and played the song Drunken Flower Yin. The flute that I listened to through the flower window back then is now swallowed in my mouth. Half a lifetime of time is now a lifetime memory.