Chapter 8 white dew

Bailu (1) In August, the green trees are thick and the day is long.It is already Bailu weather, and autumn is here, but the breath has not been cleared, and the noise of cicadas makes people extremely tired. The wind comes to the water pavilion, and the lotus leaf pavilion. There are still some late lotuses left on the water surface, which are thousands of towers, with dense petals. My mother played chess with me at the Yaojin Pavilion. I caught a glimpse of Yang Chongxun who was trembling behind her, and my heart was happy. Yang Chongxun was the biggest hero in the contest between the empress mother and Kou Zhun and Zhou Huaizheng back then. Unfortunately, his position is now in jeopardy.The so-called retribution.He waited for the privy envoy for so many years, but his mother gave it to Yao Weihe, a yellow-mouthed child.

He casually held the cold chess piece in his hand, and slowly thought about it, the queen mother's administration has been inappropriate recently, and there have been a lot of discussions among the government and the opposition.What happened to Liu Congde can't but be said to have touched many people from the mother's side.Maybe it's good timing, but who knows?There are people in the court who want to make me perfect, but there must be some who want to make my mother perfect. The queen's chess is good, I am naturally not her opponent, and I quickly abandoned my piece in the middle of the game, losing two and a half.

She smiled and said: "The emperor is still too aggressive, after all, we still have to stabilize the foundation first." I nodded: "Yes, the child doesn't understand vertical and horizontal, but I still like to imitate the right army in the study." The queen mother looked at me thoughtfully, and said: "I remember that Cao Bin has a granddaughter who is 16 years old now. I heard that she is good at reading, and she likes calligraphy the most. She is a very clever beauty. " "Does the queen mother like it?" I knew what she was thinking and asked with a smile.

"Does the emperor like it?" She asked back. "Queens, noble concubines, beauties, there are already quite a few." Just what I like, but not what I have. The queen mother said in a low voice: "Guo Qingyi used to be born in a lower family. Although it was out of consideration at the time, the queen mother felt that the emperor had been wronged..." Halfway through the speech, she stopped talking, just tapped the chess piece lightly, and then Said: "Maybe the emperor will like the daughter of the Cao family." I bowed my head and smiled. The queen mother still failed to connect to the Guo family line.Now that Guo Qingyi and her father are gradually turning their backs on the mother, the mother wants to give her some color.

As for the daughter of the Cao family, I think it is impossible. I like, from the beginning to the end, there is only one kind, the kind with brows and eyes full, the waves turning around, and the one who laughs unscrupulously in the cold night when they first meet. The queen mother naturally knew it too, and said to me: "The girl from ten years ago, the emperor will bring her into the palace." I looked up at her in surprise. She smiled at me, and said slowly: "When my mother was sent home, she hated Mrs. Qin every day and every night. Finally, God let your father ascend the throne, and then brought back your mother. Could it be that the mother is going to do it now? Madam Qin, that old woman?"

I knew her intentions, and I didn't want her to become the queen mother's pawn, so I said casually: "She is selling orchids herself, and she is a merchant. She is not a son of a good family." The queen mother is very open-minded: "What kind of status does the court want her to have, and what status is she? It's not that the emperor doesn't know. Just give her a clean family background." Innocent family background... Those four words stung somewhere. Zhao Congzhan gave it to me, the sentence written on the wedding booklet: accept Ai Shi, a commoner woman from a pure and white family background, as his wife.

There is no obstacle between us, only myself. In August, the wind blows over the water, and the fragrance of lotus fills the temple. Mixed with the smoke from the incense burner, the shade of the green creates a day, and the coolness is faint. Suddenly sadness came from it, and I wanted to cry for a while. I don't know why our things have become like this, I want to treat her well, let her live the best life in the world, be the happiest person, and never have anything wrong. But how did we become like this? All things are far from my original imagination. After bidding farewell to her mother, she wanted to go to Zhang Qingyuan's place.When passing the Changchun Palace, he finally couldn't help calling a stop and walked inside.

The sun outside is fierce, even in the deep hall, the heat is still sticking to the body. I grabbed the bottom one from under the pile of memorials and wanted to pull it out, but the top one was so heavy that I couldn't get it out with all my strength.In my agitation, I swept all the memorials above to the ground.All the military affairs came crashing down.I just compiled the bottom one tightly with my hands, opened it and read it again. It's about her report. For several months, she wandered between various state capitals, wandering in different places like a lost soul, no one needed her, no one allowed her to stay, no one helped her, and no one would talk to her, even on the side of the road A beggar who speaks to her will be taken away immediately.

She is like something that everyone in Song Dynasty can't see. She can't touch anything except flowers and plants, and there is no other voice for her except murmuring. A few days ago, she stopped in Suzhou for half a day, and when she saw someone from the government talking to the guards, she left immediately without saying anything, as if she was used to it.Now, she turned around and went to Xijing.It is said that besides the simplest luggage, there is only a pot of red scape beside her. Zhao Congzhan's favorite orchid. Perhaps in their story, she played a very important role, so she abandoned all the precious orchids one after another, leaving only this one.

She was going to Xijing, and she was in Luweipo, only seven or eight miles away from me. But seven or eight miles. Bofang was still kneeling on the ground to pick up the memorial. At this time, the thoughts in my heart seemed to be echoing faintly in this high hall. In the end, the voice became more and more violent, and it rushed towards me to suffocate me. She has been away for more than four months, and I kept waiting for her to come back, and kept being awakened by the shaking of the lights at night, just because I dreamed that she finally came back to me. Every night, I thought that when she woke up tomorrow, she would come back because she couldn't make it through.But I waited for so long, and in the end, I couldn't bear it by myself.I can reach out for anything, I don’t care about anything, and I don’t have to pay attention to anything.But now that she has been away for four months, it feels like four lifetimes have passed. My heart is so empty, as if she has forcibly hollowed out me, only the memory in my head is terribly clear.That night of entanglement with her, the tiniest bit of touch still remained on my body, a tiny bit, lingering.

How could I forget that I like her, and of course I am the one suffering from the separation. But now, she is only seven or eight miles away from me. I went to the Shangnian Bureau to have a look, gave up the car, took a horse and turned it over, and ran out of Kaifeng with the rein. Everyone behind couldn't believe it, and some old slaves were trembling with fright, almost crying. At noon when the sun was at its strongest, a man ran wildly on the official road with rolling yellow dust.In the morning I could not have imagined such a thing happening to myself.But yes, that's how I came out. The whole world was like a steamer, and I was boiled in it. The scalding heat was forced in from every pore, and the sweat gushed out from the pore. I was confused and frantic. He didn't have any thoughts in his mind, he just ran in her direction, wrapped in a ball of fire. It was dusk when we reached the reed pond, and the heat of the sun had not subsided. Even though the water wind penetrated into the body through the thin veil, the whole body was still burning with irritability. I turned over and got off the horse, and the light green reeds stood upright, and each leaf was covered with a silvery white like new bamboo powder. At a glance, those slightly silvery greens seemed to be unable to melt in such hot weather. Snow. He heard a woman's cry faintly coming from the tea shed among the reeds. Just because of such a distant voice, I was so nervous that even my fingers began to tremble.Fingers are cramping. How am I going to meet her...after that night.How do I go to meet her? I ran so frantically to meet her under the scorching sun, but now that I'm by her side, I feel powerless and timid. Slowly from the path among the reeds to the tea shed at the ferry.I saw those who wore the uniforms of the guards, they were standing in front with other guests and watched a woman screaming hysterically. I can't believe that woman is her, but, it looks like it really is. She stared at the spectators in front of her, but she grabbed the porcelain dishes beside her with her hands and threw them one by one under her feet, as if deliberately making such a loud noise.After smashing 20 or 30 pieces, she immediately said to everyone: "Does this thing have an owner? Why is no one coming out to speak?" The stall owner had already been stopped outside by the guards, and he didn't dare to say anything. She swept the crowd around, but no one spoke to her. She was desperate, and looked at them beggingly: "Aren't there any cursers?" The voice was extremely weak, and it was extremely desolate compared to the indifferent crowd around it. One of the guards took the stall owner to collect compensation, and the other asked everyone to sit down again. After a slight commotion, everyone went to do their own thing, as if what happened just now had never happened.No one talked to her, scolded her, laughed at her, or even looked at her more. She was the only one left standing among the debris on the ground, in the heat of early autumn, and in the voices of people around her, a stiff person. The wind passed over the reeds with a long whistling sound. Then there was no sound. In the gray-purple twilight, she stood there for so long that she couldn't even breathe.She stood out among the crowd who ignored her. She stood there, motionless.Thin, fragile, with messy wings. And I stood on the other side of the reed, letting the scorching sun above my head be suddenly covered by dark clouds, and I couldn't see the sun. I want her not to be able to touch anyone, hear everyone, feel everyone, be alone in the busiest place, and drift away from the world forever. Someone invited her to the post house when she was sleepy, but she would never stay until noon the next day.When someone is hungry, someone prepares local specialties, but when she puts down her chopsticks, she will be invited out.She couldn't find something to do anyway, because no one would pay her any attention. A wandering soul...that was her life for about four months. I just don't want her to have a place to live.If she wants to be stable, only by my side. I've been waiting for her to understand and come back to me by herself. It suddenly occurred to me that I had raised a bird when I was a child. It had no other kind, and it was alone in a cage.Then it barked for four days and died. Thinking of the bird's cold corpse covered with messy and colorful feathers, slightly frightened. The strong wind began to blow, and there was a thunder in the dark clouds, splitting the silence.The rainstorm came suddenly, and it was about to come. She trembled a bit, and finally left the tea shed. Stop and go, out of the sea of ​​reeds, it is the apricot forest we met again before. The apricot blossoms are long gone, even this year's apricots are gone, only the leaves are old and green, and Kazuki stands like a ghost in the dark sky. My footsteps scrabbled in the grass like this, but she didn't hear me.I probably thought it was the guards, who walked deeper and deeper in a dull manner. When he was approaching the small pavilion with the spring, he saw her fall down. I walked over to her, and the thought in my heart was——she couldn't bear it first, it's not that I admit defeat. He picked her up and held her in his arms.Only then did I realize that her body was so small, like a cub curled up in my hands.I am no longer the body that blocked the fireworks for me back then, and I am no longer the child in her arms. Things change like a dream. I buried my face on her shoulder, her consciousness was a little blurred, but she could still see it was me, forced her half-opened eyes to stare at me resentfully, and said forcefully in an almost hoarse voice: "Go away... " It was very difficult for her to speak, but she was fierce enough to be bone-chillingly cold, and she paused every word with a sharp point, "I never want to see you again." But I dare not let go.I was afraid that once I let go, there would be nothing left to say. She struggled a bit, but she was dying, and she didn't have the strength to let go of my hand. In addition, her face was pale, almost like a ghost.It's so bleak, I don't know what to do. But, she is the one I like. I tightened my arms and whispered in her ear: "Come back with me, you've been wandering around for four months, you should understand. You can't live without me." She roared like crazy: "I will die myself!" Next to her was another lightning strike, her hair was disheveled, her pale face was lifeless, "You can act as if nothing happened now... You can forget, but I must never forget... You are in the mourning hall..." Her breath was stuck in her throat, and she could only hear her disordered and rapid breathing, but what did she say? Unable to speak out, she pinched my arm frantically. Yes, I killed Zhao Congzhan, I raped you in his mourning hall, but now you are mine. I asked viciously: "Even so, in Da Song, how can you live without my permission? You can't even die. Don't you understand that the only place you can go is by my side?" "Otherwise, you will live like this for the rest of your life? How will you live?" "You can't go back, you can't get out of Dasong, you are in my hands now. Where can you escape to?" She knows it.So she didn't speak again. She sat there blankly, going to hug the red scape that Zhao Congzhan liked. Her fingers were grasping too hard, and her veins stood out. I felt cruel and didn't dare to look more. I looked up and saw her pale face in the dark night. Because of the deep sadness in her eyes, the chill in my heart gradually came up. "Let's go..." I went to hold her hand, but she shook it away vigorously, but she also fell to the ground. I hurriedly leaned over to help her, but she didn't respond at all.I picked her up and realized she had passed out. She had fainted once just now, and she didn't know if she was in bad health.I always thought she was stronger than me, but only now did I realize that she is actually very weak.But it doesn't matter, she can rely on me in the future.And thinking of her ghostly appearance just now, I think it would be better for her to be in a coma like this. I wanted to hug her back, but found that she was holding the orchid pot tightly in her hand.I forcefully opened her fingers, threw the pot of orchids on the ground and left. Walking through the apricot forest, I looked down at her sleeping in my arms.Her eyes were sunken badly, heavy with dizziness, and tired and haggard.The more I looked at her carefully, the more afraid I became. In my memory, she didn't look like this. At that time, she was like a lively fox, with such a contemptuous and contemptuous expression, she suddenly appeared in my life without any warning, bright and dazzling, eye-catching.For the first time in my life, I saw such a proud living person, as if it illuminated my gloomy youth overnight.Like those gorgeous fireworks of hers, the sky above my head bloomed brightly and unrestrainedly in the dazzling flowers of late spring and early summer. Right here, in this apricot grove, the apricot blossoms on that day last year warmed the spring, and she smiled at me among the blooming flowers.The sun hit her all over, it was so dazzling that my eyes couldn't bear it for a while, and when she was blind for a short moment, I seemed to lose half a lifetime of my life. At that time, the apricot blossoms around the pavilion were in full bloom, and the color was alluring and charming. She was wearing a light green spring shirt, smiling sweetly, as warm as the spring sunshine, shining on me, soft and gentle. I really want that season to stay with me forever.I also tried my best to keep her. But now she is still such a nimble fox.Although the appearance is indeed the same, only the fur is left.Those body temperatures have long since died, only the form still exists. I killed her for wanting that nice, soft fur to keep me warm. But I only have cold on my body, how can I save myself with lifeless fur. After walking a few steps, I met those guards. They looked at me in surprise. I hugged her small body tightly and said to them, "You don't have to follow her anymore. I'll take her back." After thinking about it for a while, he finally said, "Take back...the pot of orchids inside." I hugged her and walked among the reeds for a while, surrounded by silvery white light, faintly under the moonlight. The wind was messy.But my heart is indescribably quiet.Because she is in my arms now. I'm taking her back. From now on, she will understand that if she leaves me, she will not be able to survive in this world at all, and she will give up all her thoughts with all her heart, and obediently wait for me by my side. Just like I waited for her before. Bailu (2) Leaving Luweibo, it began to rain heavily. I found an inn in the nearby town and let her settle down. I'm afraid I can't go back in such weather. Ask the shopkeeper to find a doctor.When the old man saw her, he became anxious, "Heatstroke, acute fever, hurry up and grab some young shoots of Polygonum rubra, and rub her body with wine." "Where to buy?" I asked hurriedly. "Go and pick fresh shoots yourself, go now!" He frowned. I don’t know any Polygonum rhizoma at all, so the store owner showed me a bud from the steps, but he refused to go with me to find it: “I won’t go in such a horrible weather, no matter how much you give me.” I had no choice but to go under the corner of the wall alone to look for the grass, my eyes were barely open due to the rain, and the sky was as dark as ink.In the dimness, he had to cover his eyes with his elbows to block the rain from his forehead. The rain was icy cold, and the sweltering heat just now still lingered on my body, but now the rain was pouring down on my face, and my body was cold and hot.It's ridiculous to think about it. In this weather, I would squat here to pick weeds. But when I thought of her being in a coma now, I couldn't help but panic. I desperately searched for that kind of grass in the grass, pulled out a few randomly, and came back with my arms in my arms. The doctor has already poured a pot of wine beside him.I wiped the water off the blades of grass and soaked them in wine. The doctor stood up and went out, and said, "You can help her wash her body." I was dumbfounded and asked, "Shall I wipe it for her?" "Aren't you her husband?" he asked. I nodded and said, "Yes..." Crushed those leaves in the wine, then rolled up her sleeves, grabbed a handful and wiped them on her wrists.Those green juices mixed with the strong smell of wine, making people dizzy for a while. She was lying there quietly, her arms were limp and weak, I held her slender wrist tightly, and only when she was unconscious, could I touch her lips lightly. She has lost a lot of weight, and her hands are showing muscles and bones, and they are no longer the soft touch they used to be. We have all changed. I am no longer the child who shyly kissed her hair in the dark. I wiped her left hand, and then climbed into the bed to wipe her right hand.Carefully, from fingertips, to elbows, to shoulders.Then wipe her feet, from toes, to knees, to thighs. It's so weird that I didn't think about anything while I was doing it. I concentrated on it, afraid that she would not wake up if I was distracted, maybe because I knew that once she woke up, I would not be able to stay so quietly by her side. The whole body is full of the smell of wine and leaves, and the slightly spicy intoxicating atmosphere makes people feel dizzy. In ordinary guest rooms, ordinary cloth furnishings. In the eyes of others, she and I are like ordinary couples, the wife is sick, and the husband rubs medicine for her. That's all I want. I hope this moment can last a little longer, or forever. After wiping her hands and feet, I untied some of her clothes and wiped her shoulders. She muttered something in a daze, but she couldn't hear clearly. I bowed my head to her ear to listen. She said, "From Zhan, to Jiangnan... so hot..." I silently pulled her clothes up. Standing in front of the bed and looking at her face in a coma, I was neither angry nor sad. I just feel empty inside. I don't know what will happen to us in the future. I took her back the next day.She hasn't woken up yet.I think it's better for me and her.Free her from struggle and resistance. Take her back to Guangsheng Palace and carry her to the innermost Huixiang Hall.The imperial physician was summoned to look at her. Bo Fang just said: "Your Majesty... this girl..." and then he was stunned. I turned to look at him, and he stammered and asked, "Why...why hasn't she changed much?" Then I remembered that ten years ago, I tried to keep her by my side, but failed. At that time, Bofang was also by my side, giving me advice. Bofang knows more about these things than I do. "What should she do in the palace? I need to give her an official title." I asked. He whispered: "For those who have no background, it is best to borrow the name of the queen mother. Let the queen mother speak for her, as if it were given to the emperor, and everyone in the palace will have to respect her in the future... Now is the time Just right, the emperor can go talk to the empress dowager." Now is the right time, yes. The queen mother and the Guo family have been having troubles frequently recently. Wasn't it her intention to imply that I alienated Guo Qingyi yesterday? Now, I have followed my mother's will and demonstrated to the Guo family with her. The queen mother agreed without much hesitation, and placed her in the small hall on the east side of Chonghui Hall.It is said that she is a son of a good family, her parents died, and her previous life was the mother's empress Wei Shixiangli. Everything seemed to be helped by heaven. It was afternoon when she woke up. After sleeping for so long and opening her eyes, her eyes were as clear and bright as if they had been washed. She turned her eyes to look at me, and it took a long time to recall what happened last night. She doesn't speak, and I can't say anything. We were silent for a long time, then she slowly sat up and looked around, asking, "Where's my orchid?" I showed her the red scape in the window.She felt relieved and closed her eyes. She didn't say she was going, and I didn't beg her to stay. We all know our situation, and we have no other way, but we have to keep a little self-esteem for ourselves no matter what.She is, and so am I. So, why don't we say anything. The maid brought the porridge, and I watched her weak and asked the maid to put it down, and then I stretched out my hand to slowly spoon the porridge, and my heart sank unconsciously. She is so strong, even in such a situation, she stubbornly refuses to use her hands to others. I told her next to her: "This is the Chonghui Hall of the Queen Mother. Come to Guangsheng Palace in a few days, and I will make an orchid garden for you, and I will accompany you to grow orchids." She doesn't even look at me. I asked, "Do you want to see the queen mother?" She shook her head, lost her mind in a daze, and finally said, "No." I watched her finish the porridge, then took it and put it on the table. The plantain at the window still carried last night's rain in its heart, but a bird jumped on it, shaking the banana leaf, and all the accumulated water poured onto the ground. She was startled by the sound, and immediately shrank into a ball. I was busy chasing the bird away.Looking back at her, she was still pale. A few days later, the Wende Palace was completed, and my mother went to see it with me. This is the place where the queen mother plans to read books, and it will probably be the place where she will read things in the future. After watching it with my mother, the shape was originally twelve rooms, but because the officials objected, it was changed to nine rooms and four entrances.The genus of dragon and phoenix flowers and plants is no different from other palaces. There are still craftsmen inside who are doing the final touches. I looked up at those who painted the hyacinth's eye and dragon's beard on the beam, and asked worriedly: "Why did you remove the shelf so early? What if there is a danger?" Yang Chongxun hurriedly said from behind: "It will be finished soon, so it will be removed for the convenience of the Empress Dowager to watch." "This is not a joke. Why do you make other people's lives worrying for the convenience of the two?" I frowned. The queen mother nodded, and then said: "You can't do this in the future." The queen mother looked at Songzhu in front of her, then suddenly remembered something, and asked: "That girl, is your health better?" "It's just heatstroke. It's nothing serious." "I haven't gone to see her yet... It is said that she is very handsome?" I bowed my head and smiled: "She has been haggard recently. Didn't the queen mother see her before?" She thought for a while, then shook her head and said, "I don't have a deep impression. It is said that she is almost exactly the same as ten years ago?" I hurriedly said: "She has been home for a few years, she is quiet and well-bred, so she doesn't look old easily." The queen mother frowned at me, and then asked: "The emperor doesn't know where she comes from?" "It doesn't matter where she's from, I like her... that's all." The queen mother shook her head, but smiled, and said, "Youth love." She probably remembered what happened with her father back then, she stretched out her hand to touch my shoulder, looked at me for a long time, and said: "My mother won't go to see her, so as not to lament my old age." I nod.Women have good memories, and they don't want to see each other, right. After accompanying my mother back to the Chonghui Hall, I bid farewell to my mother and went to the East Hall immediately. The footsteps were too fast, Bo Fang trotted behind me and chased me. At the corner of the corridor, I caught a glimpse of my mother smiling at me under the eaves. Unconsciously, I blushed, feeling ashamed as I did when I was thirteen years old. Her complexion is much better today, and she is no longer as pale as a ghost.When I went there, I saw her leaning against the window, teasing a small insect on the plantain outside with her snow-colored and crystal-clear fingernails. The insect was green and transparent, with some fluffy hairs, and it was indescribably weird and beautiful. She held the bug up in front of her face, her long eyelashes flickered occasionally, and the dim mist in her eyes fluctuated hazyly. The green worms are with her beautiful hands, in the greenness of the plantains outside, they are transparent and vivid. She turned her head and saw me standing by the door staring at her hand, but without any expression, she turned to the red capes, dug a hole in the soil, threw the worms in, and then buried it with soil. I went next to her and followed her to the pool outside to wash my hands. "Orchids need fertilizer," she said. I squatted next to her and saw her hands were indistinct in the water, a corner of her skirt fell into the water, and the coupled color of the skirt fluctuated up and down with her hands in the water. I carefully picked up the corner of the skirt for her and wrung it dry.Fortunately, it is a hot day, and it will dry later. She pointed to the middle of the pool in front and said, "Is this the last lotus flower this year?" Among the green lotus leaves in a pool, there is only one crimson lotus blooming on a high place, arrogant and looking forward. The color is rouge-like, as if the whole summer has been deposited on it, bright and dazzling. She turned to me and asked, "Pick it up and give it to me?" So I went into the water without hesitation. I think I had this experience when I was thirteen, we were in Xianruichi with her, we touched the bead together, but I don’t remember the other details, I just feel like I was in the mud and held her hand .Her slender fingertips were warm in the water. Everything else is as if smashed, scattered, unable to remember the specific color and shape. I broke off the stem of the lotus, but my fingers were poked by the sharp thorns on it. The pain was not painful, but the itching was unbearable.I went to the side to get some calamus leaves, stood in the muddy water and wiped off all the burrs on the stems with the calamus leaves, and stroked it myself again, there was nothing thorny.And then back from the trek, she sat there, wandering off, not looking at me at all. I handed her the lotus, and she took it with no expression on her face. Bofang looked at the messy mud on my dragon robe, and hurriedly said, "Your Majesty, go and change." I nodded and told her I'd be right back. After walking a few steps, he looked back at her. She also turned her back to me and left, passing through the grass in the corner, she threw the lotus in her hand in that dirty place. When I was startled in Guangsheng Palace by a sudden fire that night, Bofang reported that it had spread to the five halls of Chongde, Changchun, Zifu, Huiqing, and Yanqing. I stood outside the hall and looked at it, and half of the sky was red. Why is there such a fire in the palace all of a sudden?What's more, these halls are located apart from each other, how could they all be burned at once, and the fire could not be controlled? I put on my clothes and went out, but Bo Fang hurriedly stopped me and said: "Your Majesty, the emperor of ten thousand chariots, don't put yourself in danger..." "Okay, okay, don't be wordy, let's go." I frowned. Under the flames, the Forbidden Garden was full of noise, the firefighters and the military patrols coming in from outside the palace were all carrying water to fight the fire. I can't help much by standing by, I can only stand by and watch. The fire was not burning, but was dancing wildly and making noise, overwhelming the sky and covering the sky with countless red clouds that engulfed the carved galleries and painted buildings. I was startled when I saw the tongue of flames, and asked, "The queen mother should have been far away from the Chonghui Palace, right?" "The queen mother must have avoided it." Bofang said. At this time, another fire suddenly came from the hall, intersected with the fire in the front hall, circled around the whole hall, the doorposts inside caught fire, and the wind was really too strong, if the people in the hall were still there, what would happen now Can you escape? I was terrified, and ran to the side of the Chonghui Hall to grab a maid and asked, "Mother! Where are the mother and her...?" The palace lady was so scared that I couldn't speak, she pointed to her shoulder tremblingly with her fingers, I looked over her shoulder, and it turned out that the queen mother was behind him, looking at me with a smile. Under the firelight, she calmed down, smiled slightly, and all the complicated things around her receded. The queen mother is really different from me. Only now did I realize my gaffe, let go of the court lady, and walked towards the queen mother, who held me by the mother's arm, and said with a low laugh: "The emperor is still like a child when things happen." I couldn't say anything. The queen mother stroked my forehead, carefully looked at my frightened expression, and said: "However, the queen mother knows that you are concerned, so it will be chaotic. The emperor is always like this, and he forgets the cause and effect. The queen mother is the empress dowager. Besides the emperor, the first important thing in the palace is the queen mother, how could there be any danger?" I think her voice is very soft, I haven't heard it for many years, I relax, let go of the tension just now, and say: "The queen mother is right." Then go back to her. she is not here. The queen mother seemed to have forgotten her, and sent her to Yanfu Palace to take refuge temporarily. I was the only one standing there looking at the raging fire, and a chill suddenly came to my chest. I suddenly thought of a sentence I said to her - in Da Song, how can you live without my permission?You can't even die. At this time, the fire calmed down a little with the wind, and the beams and columns probably wouldn't collapse for a while. I am the emperor, so naturally I can't take risks with myself, but it shouldn't matter now, the halls in the palace are all supported by high domes, the doors are gone, the wind calms down, the flames haven't rushed down, step on the brick floor and go in to have a look right away Just come out no problem. When I rushed in, I found that the fire was really high above, and the bottom was all empty. The place where there was a fire was burning, and the ground was hot in other places.I stepped on the hot brick floor and looked around in a panic. Sure enough, no one.I'm so worried. She must have escaped, and if she was inside, she should have called for help. When I turned around, I found that she was standing by Basho by the window, looking at me with those bright red eyes shining in the fire. Because of the calm look on her face, I froze there for a while. At this time, there was a burst of shouting outside, and I turned around to see the Changchun Palace collapsed, and the bright red bricks and tiles collided with each other, sparking dazzling sparks and shooting in all directions.This Chonghui Hall is also a wooden-wrapped paint thing, and it will catch fire when it sees a fire, and I am afraid it is almost burnt through. I turned around and grabbed her hand and yelled at her, "Come out!" Then she nodded slightly, picked up the pot of red scape with one hand, and was dragged by me and ran out. When we went outside, no one saw us. Everyone was watching around at the Changchun Hall. I reached out and wanted to hit the orchid in her hand to the ground, but I couldn't raise my hand, my whole body trembled, and I began to be afraid of my actions just now. She turned back indifferently to look at the Chonghui Hall. The red-burning double eaves and corners, the rotten roof beams, and all the bricks and tiles tilted towards the center of the hall, and they fell down with a loud crash. The scorching wind rolled up a layer of black and red ash, which swayed around like water waves. Her hair and skirt were raised high. In this fire, eight temples were destroyed.All the sights were burned. Guihai, moved to Yanfu Palace. Bailu (3) My mother and I have already moved to Yanfu Palace, she is still in the palace, but moved to Yuhua Palace. If I want to see her, I have to go through two palace walls.Although it is not far away, but after deducting the court and political affairs, the time to see her is even less. The south side of the palace city is scorched and black, but here in the Yuhua Palace, it is overcast with osmanthus leaves. She has been concentrating on collecting sweet-scented osmanthus in the jar in her hand, sprinkle a layer of honey, and then sprinkle a layer of sweet-scented osmanthus. "What is this for?" She didn't even look at me, and said, "It's boring, let's make sweet-scented osmanthus by myself." I rolled up my sleeves and helped her hold the jar.She didn't pay much attention to me, just put the things away and went to pick up the sweet-scented osmanthus by herself. The maid served me tea, she sat beside me, but deliberately looked up at the sweet-scented osmanthus for a long time, I stared intently at her profile, but she didn't even turn her eyes. The rich sweet fragrance of osmanthus drips from the fine golden stamens, sitting in the wind to welcome the fragrance, but when you smell it closely, it seems that it is not a fragrance, but a strong wine smell. If you touch your body, you will be drunk, and the whole person will fall into the soft fragrance. middle. "This year's sweet-scented osmanthus blooms really early." I talked to her about a topic. "The Mid-Autumn Festival is coming." She replied lightly. We seem to have nothing else to say. The aroma of sweet-scented osmanthus hits me in such a slightly hot afternoon, dyeing my whole body into the mid-autumn yellow color, which cannot be melted away, filling my arms and sleeves with sweet intoxication. After being silent for a long time, I finally asked again: "On the 15th day, shall I go with you to watch the moon with my mother?" She still said lightly: "Why bother, she wouldn't want to see me either." I persuaded her, "It's all happened ten years ago, why are you still worrying about it?" "Once the matter of the Guo family is over, it will naturally not be fulfilled." She sneered, "She said that I am a goblin, how can there be a harem master who is willing to keep me by his side? Your mother cares about you so much. I still don't know where to bury it." She actually knew about the affairs of the queen mother and the Guo family.It turned out that she was in the palace every day, not just raising orchids. "How can you talk like that?" She lightly gave me a back view and said: "If you bring me back, you might as well kill me. I'm someone else's fish and meat here anyway. You may not be in charge of the harem." I thought this sentence was harsh, but I didn't want to show any face to her, so I turned my head to look at the sweet-scented osmanthus outside the window.耀眼的金色，夹在暗绿的宽厚叶片中，一直在流溢着那些馥郁的蜜甜香气。 她说得极是，我现在未必能做得了主，而且母后哪里会愿意成全我们？ 现在母后可以利用我对艾悯的喜爱，用来向郭家示以颜色，所以才言笑晏晏。可是，母后怎么会把一个来历不明的女子留在宫里？她怎么会把我们母子心结的始作俑者留在我的身边？ 母后对别人的成见，是一辈子也忘记不了的。 也许她在覆雨翻云之前，早已经想好了艾悯的处置手法。 前朝不是没有这样的覆辙，太后的干涉，往往能决定很多事。 我本来委实已经犹豫了很久，知道不应该和母后撕破脸，我也未尝不忌惮她在朝中的势力。现在朝中的局势不是很明朗，但时机也许接近成熟了。何况现在是个好机会，错过了，我再抓不住。 我可以十年前一样去赌一下。我和她若没有办法在一起，我也不留恋自己现在的身份。 况且，我已经不是畏惧母后的那个孩子了。 打定了主意，我责怪她说：“你要知道这是宫里，凡事要斟酌了再出口。” 她随便点下头，说：“是。” 出了玉华殿，那些缠绵绕在我周身的甜香才渐渐淡了。 我上玉臵，看一看她的神情。居然无喜也无忧。 好象刚才那些话，她从来没有说过。 母后在延福宫内安顿下来时，殿前司已经把火发时形容鬼祟的人审察遍，提了修文德殿的一个工匠来。 李灼解释说：“此次禁中大火，是秋高物燥，用火不慎而引起。” “那这个工匠是怎么回事？”母后放了手中茶盏问。 那工匠却并不惊慌，向我磕头，说：“草民有罪。” 母后在旁边不说话。他行礼毕，然后说：“草民明日就要出宫，今晚去检查最后的工序，然后发现崇德殿那边的火就烧起来了。草民想既然已经烧了，再烧几间也没人会发觉，因此引了一些易燃物，去投了崇徽殿。” 我觉得此人说话太过顺溜，又这般冷静，倒似练习过多次，转头看母后的反母后却没有动怒，问：“你可知道崇徽殿是本宫的住处？” “正是知道。”人抬头看她，知道要被审问，索性先自己说了出来：“太后可还记得当年下诏在永兴营造浮屠的事？” 母后想了一想，问：“当时是姜遵主事吧？” 那人点头，说：“姜遵为了讨好太后娘娘，毁了汉、唐碑碣用来代砖甓造塔，工夫神速。于是太后认为此人不错，召他还京起用。” “怎么了？”母后慢悠悠地问，也没有怒气。 那人又说：“当时有腐儒阻拦姜遵所为，被架出枷在街上暴晒，回家后得急病去世了。” 母后终于一笑，问：“你的亲人？” “并不是，是寇老的远房亲戚。”他正色说。 她微微点头：“寇准的……那么，又是谁叫你来的？” “是草民怀一颗赤胆忠心而来，太后这些年在朝中挟幼帝逞己欲，天下不平者不止我一人！”他神情终于激动，开始大叫。 母后对我笑道：“近来书塾多了，误的人可也真不少。” 我抬头看外面天色渐暗，回答：“不如等到明日早朝，再仔细商量。” 母后示意李灼带那人先下去好好看押，但刚到外面，却一阵混乱。 李灼又奔进来，向我禀报说：“犯人自尽了。” 我漠然：“怎么这么不小心。” 母后问道：“他的家世呢？举荐他进宫的人呢？” 李灼看我，我于是说：“还是明日早朝再议吧。” 朝臣听闻此事，出乎意料地没有惊诧，只是一片安静中轻微的互相交换神情，似乎大多数人不想就事论事。 母后问：“众位大人认为应当如何处置此事？” 居然都不说话。 母后再问：“宰相认为如何？” 吕夷简站出来，躬身说：“此人罪不可恕。然则已经畏罪自尽。臣以为，当今天下，朝野民心，太后应是知道的。先帝以幼帝托太后，今皇上年已长，天意内禁火起以示，人心久思皇上独掌朝政，太后为政多年劳苦，朝廷不敢再劳以繁务，愿太后免以临朝辛苦，可养颐以待长福。”他果然引申到其他事情去。 这几句话早在我十九岁时，范仲淹已经在上母后书中讲过，不料再次听到是在这样的情况下。 母后微微一怔，然后扫了低头不语的众人，在目光在杨崇勋身上停了下，问：“怎么连枢密使都没到？” “姚枢密身体违和，无法应诏入议。”吏部禀报。 此时钱惟演出列说：“臣以为，皇上年纪虽长，但太后掌政多年，一时若仓促撤帘，恐怕朝事又旁劳他人，非我朝幸事，不如还是烦劳太后以待时机。” 母后低头思量，我本该来说点什么了，但是我并不说话。 母后的心腹，在朝中为势力所遏，象钱惟演这样的不多，况钱惟演当年被母后提拔为枢密使时，按理必加检校官，但朝臣为了遏制母后势力，仅以尚书充使。后来冯拯为宰相时，公开扬言说钱惟演把妹妹嫁给刘美，是太后姻家，不可与机政，将之请出。母后一点办法也没有。 朝中早已议定将钱惟演出为泰宁军节度使，就要在近日起程，他现在还敢出来说话，与母后自然是关节不比寻常。可惜母后那一派，事实上争取到先朝众元老台阁品位的并不多，说话算不了数，说了又有什么用？ 我现在倒有点感谢我朝历来倚重文官裁决朝事。 难得一直躲在家中的赵元俨今日也在，慢悠悠地出列来，抬头看了母后一眼，才说：“太后执掌朝政十余年，对赵氏江山功劳不可谓不大，太后当政以来，虽令出宫闱，但号令严明，恩威加天下，臣民皆慑服。只是老臣近来觉得太后劳心劳力，益发憔悴了，这朝事烦琐，太后可及早请皇上担当，退居延福，此为太后之幸，朝廷之幸，万民之幸，社稷之幸。” 母后微微点头，和悦地说：“好，本宫知道各位心思了，今日先到此，以后可以细议。”从帘后站起来就退到殿后去了。 群臣未料到今日还是半途而废，一时满朝寂静无声。 我恍如不知，自若地说：“关于修葺事宜，就任宰相吕夷简为修葺大内使，枢密副使杨崇勋副之，发京东西、河北、淮南、江东西路工匠给役。细部由工部与户部商量行事吧。” 我现在住在延福宫的清和殿，回去时发现母后就在殿中等我。 她一个人坐在窗边看外面的梧桐树，我觉得母后是老了，她的肌肤还只泛了一点细纹，可是她的神情却已经非常疲倦，似乎看过了百年一般。 她听到我唤她，回头对我一笑，说：“刚刚姚潍和在家中暴毙了。” “是吗？”我在她旁边坐下。 她捧起茶盏，仔细看了上面的滴油痕迹在阳光中眩出的七彩色，然后抬头问：“那这样看来，京城的兵马现在要移交副使杨崇勋手中，掌侍卫亲军是张孝恩，现在延福的所有守卫则是殿前都指挥李灼？” 我点头，恭敬地问：“母后有不放心的人吗？” 母后盯着我看了许久，说：“杨崇勋、张孝恩、李灼，都是皇上信得过的人，母后有什么不放心的？” 她出了会神，又问：“只是大约那个工匠，是没有族人的吧。” 我低声道：“母后不用担心，大理寺在查。” 她又仔细打量我的神情，似乎找不到什么。于是良久，突然笑了，说：“那个赵元俨真是讨厌，自己脸上的皱纹都可以夹死苍蝇了，竟敢说母后老了。” 我也笑了出来，说：“母后没有什么变化，和以前一样。” “得了，我自己知道的。”她叹了一声，“母后不是不知趣的人，都已经老了，到该走的时候了，还赖在堂上，是蠢人才做的事情。” 我忙挽住她的手，问：“母后要突然撤帘吗？” “皇上不用担心。”她缓缓说：“母后因大火受了点惊吓，精神不佳，大约要退居几日安养了。” 她对我微笑道：“延福宫是个好地方，避暑最佳。” 我们坐在空旷高轩的宫里，博山炉内香烟袅袅，外面的蝉鸣一声急似一声。 殿内陈设用来避暑的冰山渐渐融化，雕的人物都不分明了。那水珠点滴坠下，偶尔轻轻一声。 觉得此时的无声，就象小时候甜睡中，母后轻缓的脚步。 于是我觉得悲从中来。 我出来时母后送我出延福宫，在玉臵旁说：“姜遵那个人，为治尚严猛，不过对吏事的才能倒是不错。” “是，孩儿知道。” “母后身体不好，以后朝廷的事可都要交在你手里了。皇上要善待天下。” 这句话，以前父亲讲过的，当时我心中担忧极了，现在看来，原来是场面话。 而我是真心地对她崇敬：“母后比孩儿看事情要强很多。” 她听了，眉间淡淡带上一丝骄傲：“你父皇当年也这样赞许过母后。那时母后还年轻。宫苑里，哪个女子不是艳羡我……你父皇，当时被迫和我离别，眼泪鼻涕流了满襟，跟个小孩子一样。” “现在想来，我人生最好的时候不是在朝堂上，而应该是那时。”她用手去抚玉臵上烟软的窗纱，转头对我一笑：“这些年，你不怪母后吧……你是知道的，我们都不过是被朝里两股势力拿来相互攻击，常常我们是身不由己。” 我点头，无语。 “昨夜那场大火，看皇上在火中呼叫母后，母后不知为何，突然万念俱灰……和自己的儿子争什么呢？我都已经六十四了。母后不是不识时务的人。” 在透帘来的绿荫中，她隔了窗纱仰头对我展眉一笑：“母后以后清心了，明日就去和秦国夫人喝杯茶。” 多年来这样强硬的母后，淡然拂衣而去，好象是我成全了她。 十年间的事情，就这样无声结束。 离开母后，我一个人到宫城去，让车马在汴梁转了一周。 一路上看着外面的京都景象。我曾经看过无数次的东西。 有宝榭层楼，笙歌按乐，画桥流水，士人行歌。都城左近尽是园圃，车驾过高墙透漏的玉津园，我看到里面池塘倒影里显现出亭榭楼台。这样的园子，东京还有很多，药梁园、下松园、庶人园、养种园。大宋不知道有多少。 金明池、杏花冈，现在暑气正盛，大堆的人聚在池苑边消暑，听歌女酥软地在轻唱晏殊的新词，隔水送来，喉音揉了波光，恰似醉里梦里，慵懒天气。 集贤楼、莲花楼，快活林、独乐冈，盛暑中聚集饮宴，京城风气侈糜，只听到盆盏碰撞，觥筹交错的喧哗声。 沿街去的独轮车子上，准备着今晚又一个喧闹的夜市。 夜夜笙歌，日日升平的天下。 现在，母后居然真的全都交托于我的手上了。 而我，竟不知道未来该怎么办。 这不是我理想中的世界，我不知道在我的手里，我要如何去做？似乎没有人会记得遥远的燕云十六州，没有人关心塞外纵横的那些铁骑。 可我呢？我为什么要仓促接管这个天下？ 我本来应该抗拒，而且恐惧，等待母后什么时候安静地将它交到我的手中。 刚开始，十三岁的时候，我是宁愿在步天台上，看那些斗转星移。 我的理想，不是这个朝廷，不是这个天下。可仅仅十年，我就已经完全改变。 现在我逼得母后借病离了朝廷，不再直接参与政事，但她在朝中十几年的影响不会消失，还是会制肘着我。我一时把母后推下去，所有事情都没有平稳的过渡，朝廷里的势力没有交接就匆促了断，我往后的行事必然就阻碍重重，这以后恐怕会是我当政的大患， 我是在拿自己以后顺理成章的朝廷开玩笑。 可是我没有办法，我害怕。 我害怕我现在把艾悯强留在身边，以为自己已经安定，可到最后还是落得十四岁时的下场。当时我如此恐惧地饮下了那些以为是剧毒的清水，到结果却仍是徒劳，我才知道自己的无能为力，只要母后还在，我自己的爱情也许豁出命来也保不住。 若不是为了当时那些被迫的痛苦，我根本不会想要独揽这个大权。 我再也不要任何人来威胁我。 到现在终于几乎把所有都握在手心，再没有人能拆散我与她，我已经不是以前的小孩子。可我恐怕我这样为她豁出一切做的蠢事，她却连看一眼都不屑。 到宫后第一个去见她。 天色已经有点昏暗了，玉华殿却还没有掌上灯。 宫女在外面看见我，忙说：“我去回艾姑娘。” 她在宫里还没有正式名分，宫女也只好这样叫她。 “不用，我自己进去就好了。”我止住了她。 进内去，深殿里越发幽暗。 里面的砖地被冲洗得太过干净，一股凉风扑面而来，在这样微有寒意的秋天黄昏里，我觉得有点畏惧。 她一个人在殿里慢慢地走来走去，赤着脚，在光滑的青砖上，穿曳地的薄纱衣，那粉色在黑暗中浅得几乎分辨不出，与白色一样。她的头发长了，绸缎一样披到腰间，没有挽上去。 她不像人，像是一缕幽魂在这个大殿里，悄无声息地徘徊。 我心里不知道什么感觉，冰凉凉一块。站在那里不能出声。 她回头看见我了，于是说：“进来吧。” 她的声音在此时听来，与冰霜一样，又清又冷。 只是人间最美好的风景过眼的时候，她会在我身边，我看见繁华万象的时候，她也会在我身边。 可她心里和我看着不同的东西，甚至她根本不愿意和我一起看这天下。 那这人间，这繁华，这天下，对我来说，又有什么意义？ 明明就在我手中，我遥不可及。 她在我身边，心却不在。还不如就不要在。 要走的时候问她：“前几日的桂花糖弄好了吗？” 她这才想起来似的，让身边人取来，打开坛子，勺了一点盛出，那些花瓣的甜香实在浓郁，散得一屋子都是。 她把碟子递过来给我，烛火晕红，桂花金黄，瓷碟碧绿，她的手指雪白。 想到艳丽的那一句“皓腕凝霜雪”心里突地一撞，层层郁恼就舒展开了。 我要后悔什么呢？ 其实本就是自己这么多年的愿望，哪里关她什么事了？ 这本就是我自己选择的，而她，现在是在我身边的。 我应当要心满意足。 我们坐在微凉的青砖地上，一起用小饼蘸着桂花糖吃了。 那浓郁的蜜甜与香气一直渗入全身的所有肌骨。 未来好象不存在了，明天也不会来，只有周围渐渐陷入幽静的黑夜。 白露（四） 原本中秋月色最好，可惜今年的天气不应景，万里长天尽是阴霾，风雨欲来。 今年大约是看不到月亮了。 按理，朔望是不宜到后妃的宫里去的，但是她并没有正式名分，所以我并不理会这些。 一进入玉华殿，大雨就下起来，居然是瓢泼一般。 给她带了我宫里的各色月饼，她拣了个莲蓉的提浆小饼，咬了一口，似乎不喜欢，却也没丢下，拿在手里慢慢地吃。 外面的雨声越发急促，敲打在窗门户枢上，纷乱作响，空荡荡的殿内，宫女全都屏退了，我们又无话可说，只听着冷清的风声，一层一层裹上来。 她在那边问：“怎么不用去皇后那里吗？听说皇上应该要每月去玉宸殿五次，皇上很忙吧？” 我看她颇有嘲弄的神情，也不介意，笑道：“没事，立妃之后就减到每月两三次，而且她至今没有孩子，按理还可以酌减。”想了下，自己也觉得可笑：“连这样都要斤斤计较，这就是做皇帝。” 她漠然微笑，用自己的手支着下巴看我。 外面的风从门缝间漏进，宫灯在风里轻飘飘地摇曳了几下，她的脸在明灭不定的光芒中隐约暗淡，那些筛在她脸上的阴影就象蒙在我心里的恐慌，不停地在波动，在牵连，无法停下来。 偏偏她那暗色下的容颜上，有一双水样的眼睛，用了懵懵的睫毛遮着，似乎波澜不惊，可偶尔烛光一跳，我就看着她眼里的流光转瞬。 十年来，我的生命就从她这样的眸子里，眼看着过去了。 她终于抬起她的双眼看我，问：“晚了，还不走吗？” 听来居然是在下逐客令了。 我站起来，轻声问：“身体可好了？” 她随意点下头。送我到门口。 车辇在外面，我接过伞，回头看她，没有一点情绪地站在我身后