Chapter 5 Chapter 4: Grade A in the Eye of the Beholder

Sen and I were having dinner at home, and I found out he was wearing a watch that I had never seen before, which disturbed me, and Sen also noticed that I had been staring at his watch. "I bought it myself," he said. "I didn't ask you." I pretended not to care. "But you've been staring at my watch," he laughed. "yes?" "I bought it more than ten years ago, and I took it out to wear recently." "Really?" I pretended not to care. "Otherwise, who do you think gave it to me?" "I have no idea." "No other woman will give me anything but you." He put his hand on my shoulder.

I suddenly felt very sad, because I was not the only woman beside him, so I had many associations with a watch and refused to let it go. "I don't want to stare at your watch," I cry. "Don't cry." Sen took out a handkerchief and wiped my tears for me. "Why do you always cry when you are the happiest? We are together now, shouldn't we be happy?" Sen asked me melancholy. "Or you're right, I should be happy because I don't know when I won't see you again." I said. "Unless I die," he said. "I want to ask you again, will you get a divorce?" I suddenly had the courage to ask Sen.

He didn't answer me. At three o'clock in the morning, I received a call from You Ying. "Are you still asleep?" she asked me. "I can't sleep," I said. "why?" Maybe I needed comfort too much, and Youying was my childhood friend, so I told her about me and Sen. "I didn't expect—" she said sadly. "Didn't expect me to be the third party?" "Although I don't think that you will be a good wife and mother in the future, I really didn't expect you to be a third party. I remember that you were a very independent girl before I moved away."

"Only an independent woman can become a third party! Because she has an independent personality, she can endure loneliness. If her personality is a little bit dependent, it's better to be the wife." I said with a smile. "Then should I be the main wife or the third party?" You Ying asked me back. "You—it's really hard to say, but judging from the situation, you should be the wife of the wife, and a future lawyer's wife. Where's the sea?" "He fell asleep in the room, and I called you from the kitchen." "kitchen?" "I couldn't sleep just now, and I wanted to find something to eat. When I came to the kitchen, I didn't want to eat anymore, so I wanted to call you." You Ying was full of thoughts.

"What's the matter?" I asked her. "I smell another perfume in the carriage of the sea." "Another perfume?" "I'm using Cincinnati No. 5, and that perfume should be Gisentico." "Then what do you do?" "I asked Da Hai, which perfume is more fragrant." You Ying laughed on the phone. "You are so generous?" I wondered. "I also wonder that I am so generous. Is it because I don't love him anymore?" "Then how does the sea answer you?" "He couldn't understand what I said."

"Did that Oli flower beard use Jisentico's?" I asked You Ying. "No, she used Issey Miyake's." "Then maybe Dahai dropped by to give a woman a ride, and that woman happens to be using Gisentico again." I reassured her. "I comfort myself in the same way." "Too sensitive nose is also a shortcoming." I said with a smile. "Yes! If I didn't smell the perfume, I wouldn't be unable to sleep today." "You don't know how much I envy you. You and Dahai can live together. You should cherish it. Don't doubt him."

"If you and Tang Wensen can live together, maybe you will have a time to hate him." You Ying said. Maybe You Ying is right, I always longed to live with Sen, but I didn't expect that today we love each other so deeply, it is precisely because we cannot live together.Once day and night meet, life becomes an annoying series of chores. "Why are you still not married? You will feel at ease when you are married," I said. "A long time ago, he proposed it. In the past two years, he hasn't mentioned it. If he doesn't mention it, I won't mention it. Maybe many people think I'm stupid. Since I've been with him for seven years, there are enough reasons for him to marry me. I don't like threatening people. I hope he will marry me willingly, not because he wasted my years. There is a difference between the two. Besides, I don't seem to love the sea as much as before gone."

"Aren't you nervous about him?" "Maybe we're just used to living together and don't want to readjust to the other person." "I think you love him more than ever," I said. "Why do you think so?" You Ying asked me. "Just because I love someone more and more, I am more and more afraid of losing him. I can't bear this pressure, so I tell myself that I don't love him very much. If you think about it this way, if you lose him, it won't be too much." sad." She was silent for ten seconds. I hurriedly comforted You Ying: "Did I say something wrong?"

She gasped and said, "I'm just a secretary. No matter how hard I try, I'm still just a secretary and won't have my own career; but Dahai's career is in full swing. I'm not jealous of him. Two close people shouldn't be jealous. I just feel so insecure that his future is bright and I'm at the end of it." I finally understood the reason for Youying's unhappiness. She wanted Dahai to succeed in his career, but she was also afraid that after his success in his career, there would be a distance between them. Three days later, Chang Dahai appeared in my underwear store.

I was a little surprised by his presence. "I want to buy a gift for You Ying." Chang Dahai said. "I see." I said with a smile.It seems that their relationship is still good. "She has bought a lot of this brand of underwear recently, I think she likes this brand very much." "I'll take some of the most beautiful ones for you to choose." I took some beautiful silk suspender pajamas for Chang Dahai to choose.He quickly chose a pink one, and he really had the qualities of a lawyer, making a wise decision. "Where's You Ying?" I asked him.

"She asked a friend to have lunch, do you have time? Would you like to have lunch together?" Chang Dahai asked me. "Aren't you afraid that Youying will see and misunderstand us?" I said with a smile. "She's not jealous." He really doesn't know You Ying, she doesn't know how important it is to be jealous. Chang Dahai and I went to eat Sichuan cuisine. "Is Youying on your mind recently?" Chang Dahai asked me. "I don't see it," I said.I don't want to tell him about You Ying. Chang Dahai lit a cigarette, leaned on the chair and said to me, "I love her very much." I wonder why Chang Dahai wanted to confess his love for You Ying to me.No matter what, it is always touching that a man can express his love for his girlfriend so frankly in front of a third party.I think that You Ying's unhappiness may be superfluous at this moment.Although they have been in love for seven years, they don't seem to understand each other. He doesn't know that she is jealous, and she doesn't know that he loves her so much.How did the two communicate? " "Why did you tell me?" I asked Chang Dahai. "You are her childhood friend. She has never had many friends." Chang Dahai said. "Do you want me to tell her?" I wondered if Chang Dahai wanted me to convey his meaning to You Ying. Chang Dahai shook his head and said, "I have the courage to tell you that I love her very much, but I don't have the courage to tell her." "Why?" I don't quite understand. "She's the kind of woman that makes it hard for you to say you love her." This is the first time I have heard of a woman who is loved by a man, but makes the man not want to confess. "You mean she doesn't deserve to be loved?" "No." Chang Dahai was thinking about what appropriate words should be used to express his meaning. He was probably very particular about words, just like in court, and he wanted to speak as accurately as possible. "Just like some lawyers, you won't tell him the truth, because you don't know what he will think, or even whether he believes your truth." Chang Dahai finally thought of how to explain. "You think she won't believe you love her?" "She doesn't seem too nervous about me." Chang Dahai finally spoke clearly. I couldn't help laughing: "As far as I know, she is very nervous about you." If Chang Dahai knew that You Ying had thought about breast augmentation for him, he would not say that You Ying was not nervous about him. "She said that to you?" Chang Dahai seemed very happy. "Anyway, I know you're all nervous about each other." "But she always seems not nervous about anything." Chang Dahai said. It finally occurred to me that what Chang Dahai said might be about the perfume. "You mean that she smelled another perfume in the carriage, not only didn't question you, but asked you generously, which perfume smells better?" I asked Chang Dahai. "Did she tell you?" I nod. "Is her behavior different from that of ordinary women?" Chang Dahai said. "Then, who left that scent behind?" "I dropped off a female prosecutor for a ride, the scent probably left behind by her." I got it right. "Jealousness is not necessarily a sign of nervousness." I said.On the surface, You Ying is not jealous, but she is actually afraid of letting Chang Dahai know that she is jealous. "But it's hard for people to understand if you're not jealous." Chang Dahai smiled wryly. After leaving the restaurant, Chang Dahai and I walked along the pedestrian bridge. I always thought that as long as two people love each other, they can live a good life. It turned out that this is not the case.Some people love each other in their hearts, but they don't know how to express it. I walked down the overpass with Chang Dahai, and a man walked up the overpass holding several bolts of brightly colored silk, which was very eye-catching on the overpass where people came and went.This person suddenly stopped in front of me, it turned out to be Chen Dingliang. "It's you?" I was surprised. Chen Dingliang's reaction was a little awkward. He probably thought Chang Dahai was my boyfriend, so he was hesitating whether he should greet me or not. "If you meet a friend, I'll go first." Chang Dahai told me. "Where are you going?" I asked Chen Dingliang. "Is that your boyfriend?" he asked me. I smiled and didn't answer. I don't think I need to tell Chen Dingliang if Chang Dahai is my boyfriend. "These pieces of cloth are very beautiful." I touched a piece of cloth held by Chen Dingliang with my hand, "The material is very comfortable." "Yes, this is the finest fabric." "Used to make clothes?" Chen Dingliang nodded. I remember that Chen Dingliang worked as a designer in a garment group, how could he make clothes for others? "I changed jobs, made my own design, and produced my own brand." "Congratulations." I shook hands with Chen Dingliang. He held the cloth in both hands, and could not free one hand to shake mine. "I still have time, where are you going? I'll get you a piece of cloth." I said. "It's very heavy!" Chen Dingliang said while handing the biggest piece of cloth to me. "You—you gave me this piece of cloth?" I blamed him for being inconsiderate. He laughed confusedly: "What a man can do, a woman should also be able to do." I held the heavy cloth and followed him. "Where are you going?" I asked him. "It's almost here." He walked into a shopping mall. His shop is in a small shop in a shopping mall close to Sheung Wan, only a few hundred feet away. "This is your shop?" I think this place has really wronged him. "My previous office had a sea view, but this office has a business scene." He said with self-deprecation. "I didn't hear that you started your own business last time we met." I said. "That wasn't your boyfriend just now." Chen Dingliang took the cloth from my hand and said. "how do you know?" "You don't look like a couple." "The eyes of lovers are not always the same. He is my friend's boyfriend. Are you alone here?" "I have a partner." "Should I patronize you to make a piece of clothing? Congratulations on the opening of your new store." I said. "Of course you are welcome. What kind of clothes do you want to make?" "I can't think of it in an instant." "Let me decide, I know what clothes you look good on." "What clothes do I look good on?" I asked him curiously. "You know the clothes when you see them." I'm angry. "When will it be ready?" "I'll let you know when it's done." "You don't treat other guests like this?" "I'll give them a date for completion." "Why didn't I?" "Maybe it's because I put my heart into it! So don't ask me when it will be done." "Thank you." He accepted happily. In the evening, I had dinner with Xu Yu and You Ying. "Chang Dahai came to see me today." I told You Ying. You Ying was a little stunned: "What does he want from you?" "He told me he loved you very much." You Ying had a strange expression on her face, she was stunned at first, and then her smile became sweeter and sweeter. "Why did he tell you?" You Ying asked me. "Because you won't believe what he told you, don't say I told you, I promised not to tell you." "He never told me." You Ying said. "You never told him you love him, right?" I asked You Ying. You Ying was speechless. "You never said you loved him?" Xu Yu was surprised, "You have been together for seven years!" "Some things don't need to be said." You Ying said. "I often tell Yu Wuguo that I love him," Xu Yu said. "It's hard to say that, isn't it?" You Ying insisted, "I've never told a man that I love him." "Chang Dahai really wants to hear what you have to say." I said. "Really? Then why didn't he tell me first?" I really admire You Ying, there must be someone who speaks this sentence first, do we have to wait until the moment of farewell to say it?I won't begrudge this sentence. "You are afraid of losing." I told You Ying. "If you tell a man that I love you first, he will think that you love him very much. If you love him more than he loves you, then it seems that you have lost. You think so, don't you?" I asked You Ying. "Men are like this, if you tell him you love him, he won't tell you that he loves you." You Ying said. "Why not?" Xu Yu said. "When a man knows you love him, he won't say he loves you anymore, because he is already in the upper hand. A man will only say "I love you" to a woman when he lacks self-confidence." You Ying said. Maybe I have forgotten that You Ying is a person who is very afraid of losing. When she was a child, she would never compete with me in jumping rope because she knew she would lose to me. "Because you don't want to be at a disadvantage, you also pretend not to be jealous, right?" I asked You Ying. "Why do you want him to know that I'm jealous? Dahai doesn't like jealous women." You Ying said. "If you are not jealous, he will think you are not nervous about him." I said. "Are you saying I'm not nervous about him?" You Ying was angry. "I know you're just nervous about him, so you don't dare to be jealous, but a man is not as careful as a woman, so he won't know your painstaking efforts." I said. "Why do you and the sea seem to be fighting, and everyone puts on armor?" Xu Yu couldn't help asking You Ying. "If it is armor, it has been worn for seven years, but we are fine!" You Ying seemed very persistent. I began to worry about Youying and Dahai. They have been together for seven years, and their degree of frankness is so limited. Everyone is nervous about each other, but they all pretend not to be nervous. Neither party is willing to admit defeat first. This kind of relationship is very dangerous. I broke up with Xu Yu and You Ying, and when we got home, it was already twelve o'clock in the evening.Sen called me. "Where are you?" I asked him. "In the company." "If I told you I love you now, would you think you had the upper hand?" I asked him. "How come?" he asked me back. "Really not?" "If you don't believe it, you say you love me now." "I won't say it, you say it first!" "There's someone next to me!" he said. "Then why did you call me?" "I miss you." On this night, this "missing you" sounded very gentle and touching. I think we are happier than Youying and Haihai after all. They can live together, but they have their own concerns.Sen knows what's on my mind.The only thing I don't know about his mind is his true feelings for his wife. "If you say you miss me, I will be swayed. You are at a disadvantage now." I teased him. "I'm often the underdog," he said wretchedly. "I'm leading you by the nose, and you still say you're at a disadvantage?" I resented him. "You'll leave me any minute now," he said. "You will leave me at any time, I am just a passer-by in your life." I said sadly. "I didn't treat you as a guest." I know Sen didn't regard me as a passer-by, I just feel that my identity is ultimately nothing more than a passer-by.I didn't know the importance of status to a woman before. When I met Sen, I realized that status is also very important. Love alone is not enough.I began to understand why some women have no love and still hold on to their titles and refuse to let go.Now that there is no more love, the status must be grasped. One day to keep the status, it will always be his person, and there is still a chance to wait for him to come back.A man's greatest guilt towards a woman may be that he can't give her a title, so he uses a lot of love to atone for his sin. "Is it because you love me like that because of guilt? You don't need to feel guilty, because it's my fault." I said. "If you don't love someone, how can you feel guilty?" Sen said. Sen hung up the line, and I took a hot bath. After the bath, I couldn't sleep all night, tossing and turning on the bed.Sen said that without love, there would be no guilt. Did love come first or guilt?He also feels guilty towards his wife, is that because he once loved her? At around 3:00 in the morning, there was a burst of cake smell coming from downstairs. Ms. Guo usually didn’t start making cakes until 7:00 in the morning. Why was there the smell of cake making at this time?I put on my clothes and went down to have a look. I knocked on the door outside the cake shop. After a while, Ms. Guo came to open the door. Her hair was a bit messy, she looked haggard, and her lipstick had melted. She was usually dressed neatly. "Miss Zhou, are you still up?" she asked me. "I can't sleep, and I smell the cake again," I said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be serving cake at this time, but I don't know what to do, and I can't sleep." She was full of thoughts, "Since you can't sleep, can you come in and have a cup of tea? The cake is also fast All right." "Okay!" I really couldn't resist the temptation of the cake, "Didn't someone order the cake?" "No, I did it myself, come and see!" She took me to the kitchen and took out a freshly baked cake from the oven. It was a beautiful mango cake. I tried a bite and the cake was delicious. "Miss Guo, this cake is delicious." I praised her. "Don't call me Miss Guo, all my friends call me Guo Sun." "Bamboo shoots? Bamboo shoots?" I wondered. "My father likes to eat bamboo shoots, so he asked me to make bamboo shoots." "The name Guo Sun is very special." "One advantage of bamboo shoots is that they can be eaten all year round. I like bamboo shoots very much." "Why are you selling cakes?" I asked her. "I learned from my mother. She is a housewife, but she is very good at cooking. Her cakes are famous far and wide. I can't compare to her now. I married from Indonesia and came to Hong Kong when I was 18 years old. I gave birth to a son. I have a daughter who has never had a job. I really can’t get used to cakes in Hong Kong, so I started selling cakes on a whim. It’s hard work to run this small shop! It turns out that it was very comfortable to be a young mistress.” Guo Sun beat her hands Beat yourself on the shoulder. "I'll help you." I stood behind her and massaged her shoulders. "Thank you." "Isn't your husband against you coming out to work?" "We're divorced." "Sorry." "It doesn't matter, this marriage not only gives me a son and a daughter, but also a considerable amount of alimony. Even if I don't do anything, I don't have to worry about my old age." "Where are your children?" "The son is in the UK and the daughter is in the US. They have their own lives." "It's a pity they don't get to eat your cakes very often." "Do you know why I got divorced?" Guo Sun asked me. "Is there a third party?" Guo Sun nodded: "She is twenty years younger than my husband. I was shocked when I saw her for the first time. She looks very similar to me. The only difference is that she is a younger version of me. Then For a moment, I actually felt comforted that my husband fell in love with her, which proved that he once loved me deeply, and that he chose someone exactly like his wife." Will Sen's wife and I look alike?This is something I have often suspected and longed to know. "When I was young, my figure was very charming!" Guo Sun reveled in the memory. "I can see that," I said. "I once had a waist, too," she said. I almost spit out the tea in my mouth, Guo Sun's sincere words are so funny.I was trying to hide my smile, but Guo Sun laughed out first. "Really, I also had a waist." She stood up, put her hands on her hips and said, "Before I got married, my waist was only 22 inches. After I gave birth to my first child, I can still keep 26 inches. With my second child, it went from bad to worse." "I've never tried to have a 22-inch waist, and I was only 23 inches when I was the thinnest," I said. Guo Sun pinched the two lumps of fat on her waist with her hands: "My waist is also like the past. It will never come back. It is really the past that can only be recollected." "Trust me. Your waist is not very thick." I think her waist is about 30 inches. "Really?" Guo Sun asked me. "Your breasts are very plump, so your waist doesn't look thick. You look very lucky." I think Guo Sun must have been very coquettish when he wore a cheongsam when he was young. "Breast? Don't talk about it. It has already fallen to the waist. The current appearance is just deceiving." Guo Sun smiled bitterly. She is so frank, I don't know how to comfort her. "After the divorce, I had two boyfriends, but every time I came to the last moment, I avoided it." Guo Sun said. "The last moment?" "Before making out, I break up with them before they want to make out with me." "why?" "I don't want them to see my flabby body, I'm afraid they will leave. Tonight, that man left." Guo Sun said dejectedly. "Wait for me for a while—" I ran upstairs, got my business card, and went back to the bakery. "This is my business card, you come to see me tomorrow." I told Guo Sun. The next afternoon, Guo Sun really came to the underwear store, and I saw her body in the fitting room. Guo Sun's body shape is not as bad as she said, and her skin is smooth and white, which is rare at this age.She uses 36B, and her breasts are sagging, but not to the waist, probably the stomach. "I used to use thirty-six A." Guo Sun said. Changing from A to B is not a good thing. Will Xu Yu, who is thirty-six A, become thirty-six B one day? The waist problem is easy to solve, as long as the girdle is used, it can be narrowed by three inches. I found that Guo Sun's biggest problem is the loose belly and many wrinkles. The loose belly turns left when its owner turns left, and turns right when it turns right.When its master bows, it also bows. "If possible, I really want to cut off this belly." Guo Sun said angrily. I asked Guo Sun to try on a new set of bust, girdle and shorts, and it took me a lot of effort to button all the buttons of the girdle. "This is the most tightly bound set. You can choose to attend important occasions, or wear it when you want to wear tights. You can wear some that are not too tight at ordinary times." I said. Guo Sun looked at herself in the mirror. Now she has a figure of thirty-six, twenty-seven, and thirty-six, and all the muscles of her body are hidden in her underwear. "It's amazing!" Guo Sun looked into the mirror and sighed, "Why is this possible?" "It's all due to the wire and the elastic," I said. "Elastic bands and iron wires are really great inventions!" Guo Sun praised. "It turns out that a woman with a good figure is made of many steel wires!" Guo Sun said while paying. "I'm waiting for your good news." I said. Today is the last fashion design class, after this class, the class will end.More than a dozen students in the class have already made an appointment to invite Chen Dingliang to dinner tonight and have a carnival together. After dinner, we went to a disco in Wanchai for entertainment.Someone booed Chen Dingliang to sing. "I can only sing "I will wait for you"." Chen Dingliang said to me with a hippie smile. "It's not in the sheet music," I said. "Then let's go dance and enjoy the face?" He said to me. We walked to the dance floor together. Chen Dingliang didn't know how to dance, he only knew how to shake his body. "You rarely dance, do you?" I asked him. He took my hand and pulled me to the middle of the dance floor before letting go. "Will people born in the same month and the same day have a chance to be a couple?" he asked me. I understand what Chen Dingliang means.If there is no Tang Wensen, maybe I will give Chen Dingliang a chance, I don't want to let Sen down.If between me and Sen, there must be someone who fails the other party, let Sen fail me. "People born in the same year, the same month, and the same day may not necessarily be a couple. Most couples are not born in the same year, the same month, and the same day." I said. "It's just that they seldom have the chance to meet someone who was born in the same year, the same month and the same day as them. The chance of two people being born on the same month and the same day is one in 133,225." Chen Dingliang said. "Then we are really destined!" I said, "I hope we don't die in the same year, the same month, and the same day." Chen Dingliang was so angry that I didn't know what to say. "You said that you designed the cover of the new book for Yu Wu Guo, and he is back." I changed the subject. "Really? You told him to find me anytime." Chen Dingliang said. "Where are my new clothes? When will it be ready?" I asked him. "It hasn't started yet, I said don't rush me." I suddenly changed the subject, and he seemed to be a little bit less interested.He didn't show love to me, so I can't tell him that I have a boyfriend.Sen has a special status, I don't want to mention him, I have a very strange frankness, I am afraid that someone knows Sen's family or Sen's wife or family, so they will find out about me and Sen.Even though the chances are slim, I don't want it to happen. Chen Dingliang pulled two other girls in the class to dance, he had a great time with them, he seemed to want me to be jealous on purpose, but unfortunately I wasn't jealous, I knew he didn't like them, why should I be jealous? When leaving the disco, Chen Dingliang was still chatting happily with the two girls, and someone suggested to have supper. "I have to go to work tomorrow, I won't go." I said. "I'm not going either." Chen Dingliang looked at me affectionately. I was suddenly very scared. I saw a taxi coming, and I said to everyone: "The taxi is here, goodbye." I jumped into the taxi, not daring to look back at Chen Dingliang. Almost every time after class, I also take Chen Dingliang’s ride home. He didn’t go to eat supper just now, maybe he wanted to take me home. When I jumped into a taxi suddenly, he must be very surprised and knew I am running from him. After getting off the car, I hurried home, as if I felt safe only when I got home.I want to call Sen and tell him that there is a guy who likes me and is going to pursue me, and I'm scared.However, this night, at this time, he should be sleeping next to another woman in his own home. I began to understand that unfaithful people are pitiful, they did not intend to be unfaithful, they are afraid of loneliness.It takes a lot of love to make one person faithful to another.If I didn't have this much love, I would definitely not be able to bear loneliness. The next morning, Sen called me, and I didn't tell him what happened the night before, he must not like that I often ride home with a man who makes love to me. On the first Wednesday night in October, Sen bought hairy crabs. "I don't know how to handle hairy crabs." I said. "Who told you to make it? I'll make it for you to eat, and you don't have to do anything." He walked into the kitchen enthusiastically to wash the hairy crabs. "Wait—" I said. "What's up?" "Put on the apron first." I gave him a red lace-trimmed women's apron I'd bought before moving in and worn only a few times. "This apron doesn't fit me well?" He refused to wear it. "What are you afraid of? I want you to wear it." I forced him to put on the apron. I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the way Sen looked hilarious in his apron.It was the first time I saw him wearing an apron, and Sen, who was wearing an apron, seemed to really belong to this family. "You don't take off your apron tonight," I said, hugging him. "You're not allowed to take off your apron? It's not natural for me to look like this." "I like you like this." I said wildly. The hairy crabs were steamed, and Sen carefully opened the crab cover for me, and the golden crab roe was overflowing. "I'll pick out the crab gills for you. This part is dirty and inedible." Sen picked out a pair of crab gills and threw them away. After eating the crab roe, I don't like to eat the claws and feet left. "Why don't you eat?" he asked me. "Trouble!" I said. Sen picked up a small fork for eating crab legs and carefully picked out the meat from each crab leg for me.He concentrated on picking crab meat for me to eat, but forgot that his own crab was already cold.I feel very sad. "Don't be so nice to me." I said. Sen suddenly raised his head and saw tears in my eyes. He gently wiped away the tears with the back of his hand and said, "Don't say silly things, the crab is cold, eat it quickly." "This is the first time you've cooked something for me," I said. "I only know how to get hairy crabs." "Why did you choose to cook something for me tonight?" He laughed: "I passed by the domestic product company this afternoon and saw that the hairy crabs are very plump, so I bought them and ate them together. There is no particular reason, why do you suspect?" "In one month, I will be thirty years old." I sobbed. When I was only sixteen years old, I thought thirty was a long way off. However, thirty came so logically and was imminent.When a woman reaches the age of thirty, should she make plans for herself?But I can't see the future of me and Sen. "You said you would leave me when you were thirty," he said. "It's better for you to leave me." I said sadly. "I can't, I'll never leave you." "I hate you!" I scolded him. "Why do you hate me?" "Who told me to be reluctant to leave you? You will exhaust me to death. One day, if you don't want me, I will become an old, fat and unwanted woman." "You're still in great shape, and it's amazing to be in that shape at thirty," Sen said, hugging me. I was so angry with him that I couldn't help but laugh: "Is it because after my body has gone downhill, you no longer want me?" "When your figure goes downhill, I have also become a bald, fat old man." "I hope so." I fell into his arms. "Tell me, what's your favorite birthday present?" he asked me. "You have given me this room." "This house is not a birthday present." "If you don't stay with me that day, I don't want any presents, and I'll never see you again," I warned him. "It's so fierce!" He grabbed my hands. "Last time on your birthday, you also disappeared. I don't want to be disappointed again. I don't want to taste the pain of being cut by a knife again." "I said I would spend your birthday with you, and it has been the same for the past three years. Tell me, what gift do you like?" "I really never thought that you can buy whatever you like, I just want you to accompany me." I leaned on his shoulder, "I want to spend my thirties in your arms." "Okay." He promised me. On November 2, You Ying and Xu Yu wished me a birthday and invited me to eat Japanese food in Causeway Bay. "Happy thirtieth birthday!" You Ying said to me. "Please don't mention the number thirty," I begged her. "I turned thirty three months ago, it's finally your turn!" You Ying gloated. "I still have one year and eight months left." Xu Yu looked rejoiced. They bought a birthday cake, which turned out to be bust-shaped, and it was Guo Sun's masterpiece. "This cake is thirty-four A, the original size. I wish you will always be strong!" Xu Yu said. "I also wish you will always be strong, you have a heavy load!" I said to Xu Yu. "There is still one hour until midnight, where should we celebrate?" Xu Yu asked me. "I can go anywhere, I drove the caravan of the sea." You Ying said. "Is there a convertible in Dahai?" Xu Yu asked You Ying. Chang Dahai's German-made convertible has a purple body and a white canopy, and the license plate is AC8166. "Isn't AC the A Cup?" I suddenly thought. "This license plate was given to him by his father. It's not a lucky license plate, it's just old enough. If you don't tell me, I can't remember that AC is A Cup." You Ying said. Xu Yu jumped into the car and said, "Thirty-two A, drive." You Ying sat in the driver's seat and asked me, "Thirty-four, where are you going to meet the age of thirty?" "I want to...go to a place where the time is one day slower than Hong Kong. Then, after midnight today, I am still twenty-nine years old." I said. "It seems that there is no place that is slower than Hong Kong by a whole day, and it is only eighteen hours behind at most, such as Hawaii. There is also a place called French Polynesia." Xu Yu said. "Let's go to French Polynesia! I'm going to be eighteen hours younger!" I said, standing up in the car. "It's just sunrise over there." "Believe me, thirty is not the worst." You Ying said, "The worst thing is not having a man at thirty." "I think having a thirty-inch waist is worse than being thirty without a man," Xu Yu said. "What's worse than a thirty-inch waist!" I said. The car arrived at Shek O. "I'm going to do some shopping." Xu Yu ran into a store. Xu Yu came out with a bag of things, and told me happily: "I bought a few bottles of French mineral water, and we have arrived in French Polynesia. You have become younger by eighteen hours!" "Great!" I said. In this world, will anyone really fly from one place to another just to be young for eighteen hours?However, when you come back from another place, don't you immediately age eighteen hours?The eighteen hours that were stolen back were really too long, and they would return to their original form soon. At midnight, we drank French mineral water to celebrate. In any case, thirty years old came. “陈定粱不是跟你同月同日生的吗？”徐玉忽然想起来，“要不要跟他说声生日快乐？” “他可能正跟别人庆祝生日。” “他一定正在想念你。”游颍说。 “别提他了，我很害怕他呢。”我说。 “你别对他太绝情。”徐玉说，“我怕他不肯为宇无过设计封面呢。这是很重要的，他的书差不多写好了。” “好吧！为了你，我暂时拖延着他。”我笑说。 “如果女人的年岁也象胸围尺码就好了。”游颍说，“三十岁也分为三级，有三十岁A、三十岁B、三十岁C。三十岁可以过三年。” “最好有D Cup。”徐玉说。 “唐文森送了什么生日礼物给你？”游颍问我。 “要今天晚上才知道。”我说。 “唐文森对你真的很好。” “大海对你就不好吗？” “有多少男人肯买一层楼送给女人，而那个女人又不是他太太？律师楼办很多楼契，买楼给女朋友的男人真是少之又少，肯定的，也不肯一次过付款，只是分期付款，一旦分手了，就停止供款。那些有钱的，让情妇住几千尺的豪宅，屋主却是他名下的有限公司。我跟常大海现在住的这一层楼是联名的，两个人一起供的。” “我是很感动的，森并不是千万富翁，买楼的钱是他的血汗钱，是在巨大的工作压力下赚回来的钱。” “你对男人有什么要求？”游颍问我。 “我希望我的男人是第一流的。”我说，“我要他是A级。” “我的男人已是A级。”徐玉躺在沙滩上幸福地说。 “你给常大海什么级数？”我问游颍。 “A-。” “为什么是A-？”我问游颍。 “如果有A-，我要给宇无过A+。”徐玉说。 “他还没有向我求婚，所以只得A-。”游颍伏在沙滩上说。 “如果森不是已婚，我会给他A++。”我躺下来说。 “世上到底有没有A级的男人呢？”游颍问。 “因为有女人爱他们，所以他们都变成A级了，情人眼中出A级嘛！”我说。 “常大海为什么是A级？”徐玉问游颍。 “七年前的一天，我在法庭上看到他，便爱上了他。他在庭上光芒四射，那时，他不过是一个新入行的律师，我已给他A级。”游颍说。 “A级的男人配A Cup的女人，天衣无缝。”徐玉说。 “对，我不要B级，宁愿一个人，也不愿屈就一个B级的男人。”我说。 “你知道拿A是要付出很多努力的吗？”游颍问我。 “没有不劳而获的。”我说，“想得到A级的男人，自己的表现最少也要有B级吧？” “对。”徐玉说，“不戴胸围，日子久了，胸部就下垂。同样道理，不努力爱一个男人，便会失去他，不要奢望有奇迹。” “不。有些女人好象真的会不劳而获，她们什么也不用做，甚至不是很爱那个男人，那个男人却对她如珠如宝。”游颍说，“有些女人即使很努力，却事与愿违。” “所以说，努力而又得到回报已经是很幸福了。”我说。 “你不想结婚的吗？”游颍问我。 “我想又怎样？” “你要无名无分跟他一生一世？” “这也是一种奉献。”我说。 游颍跟我碰樽：“为你伟大的奉献干杯！” 我们把泥沙倒进三个空的矿泉水瓶子，再在沙滩上挖一个很深的洞，把空瓶子放进去，然后盖上泥沙。 “等你四十岁时，我们再来挖出这三个瓶子。”徐玉说。 “那时你也许带着两个小孩子来。你的乳房因为生产的缘故，比现在更大！”我取笑徐玉。 “你继续为唐文森奉献！”徐玉说。 “这是诅咒还是祝福？”我问她。 “四十岁，太可怕了！”游颍掩着脸说。 “无论你多么害怕，那一天早晚都会来。”我说。 “我无论如何要抓住一个男人陪我过四十岁。”游颍说。 十一月三日早上九时，有人拍门，我去开门，是郭笋，她捧着一个玫瑰花形的蛋糕站在门外跟我说：“生日快乐！” “是谁送的？”我惊讶。 “是唐先生。”郭笋说。 原来是森，我早就应该猜到。 “他什么时候订的？”我接过蛋糕。 “一个星期前。” “这是我做给你的。”郭笋拿出一个精巧的小铁罐给我。 "What is this?" 我打开盖子，原来是曲奇饼，我吃了一块。 “谢谢你，很好吃。” “你男朋友很疼你啊，你们什么时候结婚？” “我才不嫁给他！”我故意装出一副不恨嫁的样子。 “你呢？你有好消息没有？”我问郭笋。 “还没有啊！我这个年纪，要交男朋友，当然比你们困难得多了。不过迟些日子我的朋友请我去一个旧生会舞会，也许有艳遇也说不定。” “那祝你好运！” “我也祝你今天晚上玩得开心。” 郭笋走了之后，森打电话来。 “蛋糕很漂亮啊！”我说，“是不是有了蛋糕就没有花？” “你想要花吗？” “我想你扮成一朵花来见我。”我说。 “哪有这么大朵花？我顶多扮成一棵树。” 这一夜，我等我的树出现。 我换好衣服在家里等森，森说下班后会打电话给我，然后接我去吃饭。 八时十分，森的电话还没有来，他要在我的生日做些什么？ 九时四十分，电话终于响起。 “喂——”我接电话，心里作了最坏打算，如果不是有什么问题，他不可能现在才打电话给我。 “你在哪里？”我问他。 “在医院里。” “为什么会在医院里？”我吃了一惊。 “她爸爸进了医院，是旧病复发。” “哦——”我并不相信他。 “这么巧？”我讽刺他。 我期望他会给我一个很完美的答案，但他没有。 “晚一点我再打电话给你。”他说。 “不用了。”我掷下电话。 为什么一切不能挪后一天？他总要在今天伤我？ 我以为我会狠狠地哭一场，可是我不想哭，我很想报复，报复他这样对我。不是有一个男人跟我同月同日生的吗？而且他喜欢我呢！我找到陈定粱的传呼机号码，如果他正在跟别的朋友庆祝生日，我大可以跟他说声生日快乐就挂线。不过，在晚上九时多从家里打出这个电话跟他说生日快乐，他一定会怀疑我。就由得他怀疑吧，我只想报复。 陈定粱没有覆机，男人都是在女人需要他的时候失踪的。 晚上十二时，电话响起，不知道是陈定粱还是森，森说过会晚一点再打电话给我的，我不想听到他的声音，反正我的生日已经过了。我的三十岁生日就这样度过。在这间森买的屋子里的我，不过是他的一只金丝雀，而我自己竟然一直没有醒觉。 电话又再响起，我站在窗前，街上并没有我期待的男人出现。 电话的铃声终于停下来，那最后的一下响声，竟有些凄然而止的味道，那不会是陈定粱打来的，一定是森。如果他天亮之前赶来见我，我还会开门让他进来，这是我的底线了。可是，天亮了，他没有来。他不来，我们就不再有明天，我也没想到自己竟然出奇地冷静，我不要再为这个男人流下一滴眼泪。我说过三十岁离开他，现在真的变成事实，我换好衣服上班去。 “昨天晚上去哪里玩？”珍妮问我。 “去吃烛光晚餐啊！”我笑着说。 下班后，我经过一间地产公司，走进去问问我住的那间屋现在可以卖多少钱，想不到楼价比我买的时候涨了二十万。他们问我是不是想卖楼，那个女经纪把名片给我。 回到家里，我突然很舍不得我的屋子，这个地方，曾经有许多欢愉，可是，我就要把下半生的幸福埋在这里吗？No. 我在浴缸里泡了一个热水浴，三十岁的我，竟然一事无成，不过是一个卖胸围内裤亵衣的女人，真是失败！ 有人开门进来，我穿好浴袍出去，是森回来，他抱着我，吻我的脖子。 “你的岳丈呢？你不用去医院吗？”我冷冷地问他。 “你为什么不接电话？”他问我。 “我们分手吧！”我说。 “昨天晚上我真的在医院里，你不相信，我也无话可说。”森沮丧的说。 “我相信你昨天晚上在医院里。”我跟森说，“我知道你不会编一个故事骗我，你不是那种男人，如果你还编故事骗我，我会鄙视你。” 森紧紧地抱着我，松开我身上那件浴袍的带子。 “不要。”我捉着他的手，“我昨天晚上终于清醒了，问题不在于你陪不陪我过生日，而是你是别人的丈夫，别人的女婿，这是事实，永远不会改变，我们相识得太迟了。” 森放开双手没有说话，他又能说什么呢？我和他都知道有些事实是不能改变的。 “等你离婚后，你再找我吧。”我说。 “你别这样——”森拉着我。 “我只能够做到这样，你是别人的女婿，这个身分我实在没有办法忘记。在那一边，在所有家庭聚会中，你正在扮演另一个角色，那是我看不见的，但我只要想象一下，便觉得很难受，这种心情，你也许不会明白。” “你以为我很快乐吗？”他问我。 “我不知道，我只知道快乐是用痛苦换回来的，我这五年的快乐，就是用痛苦换回来的。爱情有时候也是一种折磨，我们分手吧。” 森凝望着我，不发一言，他大概知道这一次我是认真的。 “这层楼我会拿去放盘，卖出之后，我会把钱还给你。” “你一定要这样做吗？”他有点激动。 “我没理由离开你还要你的钱。” “我给你的东西就是你的。” “你买这层楼给我的时候，是想着和我厮守终生的，既然我办不到，我便要还给你，如果你不想卖，我会搬走。” 森用力抱住我说：“不要走！” 我抱着森，我比他更心痛，他是我最心爱的人。 “你还没有跟我说生日快乐。”我跟他说。 森望着我，抵着嘴巴，说不出口。 “你欠我一句生日快乐。”我坚持。 “你不要走。”他说。 “生日快乐。”我逼着他说。 “生日快乐——”森终于无奈地吐出这四个字。 “谢谢。”我笑着说，“我就是想听这一句话。” “我买了一份生日礼物给你。”他说。 “不必了，我不想再要你的礼物。” “你不想知道是什么东西吗？” 我摇头：“我不想它变成我们分手的纪念品。你已送了我一份很好的礼物，就是让我在三十岁这一天清醒过来。至于生日礼物，不要让我知道是什么东西，不知道的话，我会每天想一下，想一下那是什么东西，直到我老了，我仍然会在想，在我三十岁那一年，你买了什么给我。这样的话，我会永远记住你。” 森苦笑：“你真的会每天想一下吗？” I nod. “你不会想到的。” “那就好。”我说。 森抱着我，我感到他的身体在颤抖。 “你在哭吗？”我抚摸他的脸。 森没有哭，我从来没有见过他哭，他不是会哭的男人，我太高估自己了。 “你不会为我哭的，你很快就会复原。” “不要卖掉这层楼，是你的。”他说。 “对不起，我不能不把它卖掉。我不能再住在这里。” "where are you going?" “搬回家里住或者另外租一个地方吧。” “我再求你一次，你不要走。”森站在我跟前，郑重地放下男人的自尊恳求我。我没有见过我的男人如此卑微地站在我面前，我一直是他的小女孩，小羔羊，如今他竟象一个小孩子那样恳求我留下来。我的心很痛，如果你深深爱着一个男人，你不会希望他变得那么卑微与无助。 “不——可——以。”我狠心地回答他。我认为我的确已经选择了在最好的时间离开他。 森站在那里，仿佛受到了平生最严重的打击，他把双手放在口袋里，苦笑了一阵。 “那好吧。”他吐出一口气。 他不会再求我了，他不会再求他的小羔羊，因为这头小羔羊竟然背叛他。 “我走了。”森又变回一个大男人，冷静地跟我说。 我反倒是无话可说，我差一点就支持不住，求他留下来了。 这个时候，电话不适当地响起。 “再见。”森开门离开。 我看着他那个坚强的背影消失在门外。 我跑去接电话。 “喂，周蕊，你是不是找过我？” 是陈定粱打来的。 “你等我一会儿。” 我放下电话，走到窗前，森走出大厦，看到他的背影，我终于忍不住流泪。他时常说，我们早点相遇就好了。时间播弄，半点不由人。既然我们相遇的时间那么差，分手也该找一个最好的时间吧？ 我拿起电话：“喂，对不起。” “不要紧。”陈定粱说。 “你在哪里？”我问他。 “我在法属波利尼西亚。” 法属波利尼西亚？那个比香港时间慢十八小时的地方？陈定粱竟然在那里。 “我来这里度过我的四十岁生日。”陈定粱轻松地说。 我想到的事，他竟然做了，果然是跟我同月同日生的。 “在这里，我可以年轻十八小时，我今天晚上才庆祝四十岁生日呢！”他愉快地说。 “回来香港，不就打回原形了吗？”我没精打采地说。 “年轻只是一种心态。” “那就不用跑到老远的地方去年轻，其实也不过十八小时。” “十八小时可以改变很多事情。”他说。 如果森岳丈的病迟十八小时发作，我们也许不会分手，我会继续沉迷下去。 “年轻了的十八小时，你用来干什么？”我有点好奇。 “什么也不做，我在享受年轻的光阴，这是我送给自己的生日礼物。” “祝你生日快乐。”我说。 “彼此彼此，不过你的生日应该过了吧？” “已经过去了。”我说。 “过得开心吗？”他仿佛在探听我。 “很开心。”我说。 “那你为什么要传呼我？” “想起你跟我同月同日生，想跟你说声生日快乐罢了。”我淡淡的说。 “是这样。”他有点失望。 “你怎么知道我传呼过你？” “我刚刚打电话回来看看有没有人传呼过我。” “一心要年轻十八小时，为什么还要打电话回来？”我问他。 “我想知道你有没有找我。” 他竟然说得那样直接。 “长途电话的费用很昂贵的啊，不要再说了。”我跟陈定粱说。 “好吧，我很快就回来了，我回来再找你。” 为什么独身的偏是陈定粱而不是唐文森？ “生日怎么过？”第二天，游颍到内衣店找我。 我告诉她我跟唐文森分手了。 “要不要我们陪你去悲伤一晚，或者一个月？” 游颍真是体贴，她不会问我事件经过，只是想方法令我好过一点。 “一天或者一个月是不够的。”我说，“至少也要五年，五年的爱情，要用五年来治疗创伤。”我说。 “不要紧，我可以用五年时间陪你悲伤，但你有五年时间悲伤吗？五年后，就是三十五岁了。”游颍说。 “我想把那层楼拿去放盘。”我说。 “你不要了？”她讶异。 “不要一个男人，何必要他的钱呢？”我说。 “很多女人不要