Chapter 4 Chapter Four

Yun Sheng: One more day to leave Frankfurt. When I woke up in the morning, I had a terrible headache. I opened my purse, and there was the medicine you gave me at the airport three years ago.I have been reluctant to eat them all. This is the medicine I have taken all my life. I opened the refrigerator, took out a bottle of frozen Coca-Cola, and poured it into my stomach. Coca-Cola can cure headaches, which I always do when I don't have any headache medicine around. I lie in bed, close my eyes, my head is not hurting so much, I can save a headache medicine. You often say that when I am not by your side, it will be cloudy where you are. Is Hong Kong also cloudy now?Sun Misu came on a rainy night and left on a rainy night.

I come on a moonlit night and I leave on a moonlit night. The moon waxes and wanes, but the dead moon will be resurrected. Dead love cannot be resurrected. There are more than ten days before your birthday, will you think of me?Do you remember this woman who was self-defeating because she loved you too much?If I could start from scratch, I would definitely not be like this, but love is not the moon. That year, I finally found the same moon phase watch as the one you gave me, and I planned to give it to you on your birthday. Your birthday is the day when Zhengwen gets married. I used to think it was pure coincidence, or a kind of telepathy.

Sometimes, you are thinking of a friend and suddenly he calls. You really don't want to meet someone, but you happen to meet him. The convergence of time and space may not be a pure coincidence, but a desire of subjective emotion. Zheng Wen didn't want me to attend his wedding at all. He accidentally chose to get married on your birthday, which is the saddest decision. Yes, I feel guilty. While he married a woman he didn't love in order to make me regret it, I celebrated the birthday of the man I love. Every year your birthday is his wedding anniversary. How could this be pure coincidence?

My heart is so heavy on your birthday. Huixuan called me in the morning and told me that she was going to attend Zhengwen's wedding. "Zhaoliang said that Zhengwen was drunk last night, so he didn't know if he could go to salute this morning. Do you think he will not show up suddenly? He doesn't love that woman at all." "He'll show up," I said. Two hours later, I received a call from Huixuan. "You're right, they've exchanged rings." I am a woman who has been with him for eight years. I know Zheng Wen very well. He will not stop when he makes a decision. No matter what sacrifices he has to make, he will not look back.

May he be happy. At dusk, I went home and changed my clothes, and I will wait for you at the restaurant we agreed on, the location is your choice.The restaurant is on the twenty-seventh floor of a hotel in Causeway Bay. Through the floor-to-ceiling glass, you can see another hotel on the east coast of Tsim Sha Tsui, where Zheng Wen's wedding banquet is being held. It's the first time I've been to this restaurant, I didn't expect to see there from here. Is this pure coincidence, or telepathy? My mood has never been more complicated than today. There is no moon tonight, and Zhengwen and I are separated by a world.

You came in a hurry after get off work. "happy Birthday." "Thank you." You smiled. After ten o'clock, the band began to play. "Would you like to go out and dance?" you asked me. "My dancing is terrible," I said. "Do not worry about it." "It really doesn't matter." "bring it on!" You took me to the dance floor, put my hands on your shoulders, hugged my waist. "I have only studied folk dance for one semester." I beg you to let me go. You are intoxicated in the music, as if you can't hear my pleading, but I can only follow your dance steps stiffly.

You even close your eyes and hold in your arms. Are you so intoxicated, are you dancing with me?Or are you dancing with a ghost?Do you know it's me in your arms right now?The way I dance, it must be a joke on the dance floor. I really don't want to jump down again, just when I was about to tell you to stop, I accidentally stepped on your foot and woke you up. "I'm sorry, I said earlier that I can't dance." I hurriedly left the dance floor and returned to my seat. You sat in front of me and asked me, "Are you all right?" I look at you and you don't say a word, you're guilty, aren't you?Just now, you were dancing with your memories.In your recollection, your dancing partner was a girl who danced ballet, and of course she danced better than me.

I don't want to dance, I don't want to be compared to her in that regard. Did I misunderstand you, or because my mood was too complicated this night, I became sensitive?However, the more silent you are, the more I trust my feelings. Originally, I wanted to ask you: "Who do you think you were dancing with just now?" Originally, I wanted to ask you: "When will you forget her?" Originally, I wanted to ask you: "Do you know how sad I am?" But, let me tell you the painful words again, if you want to suffer with me, it is better for me to suffer alone.

As a result, I just took out the birthday present I was going to give you from my purse and put it in front of you. Originally, I was going to tell you when you opened the present and saw the same watch I bought for you: "In the future, we will have the same moon on our wrists." As a result, I can only say: "Hope you like it." "Thank you." You said. Originally, I wanted to ask you: "Have you ever loved me?" As a result, I can only tell you: "Let's go." Love is a kind of addiction, you are dancing with ghosts, I am in love with myself.

I decided to tell you all the ugly things I want to tell you in the future, and tell myself once, twice, or even three times, then I won't tell you again.I don't want you to leave me because of what I said. Originally, I thought we would make out tonight, but instead, we were just lying on our respective sides of the bed.The stars on the ceiling are shining and I can't sleep. You once gave me two sleeping pills and said I could take one if I couldn't get used to jet lag during the trip.I swallowed a pill. I look at the stars on the ceiling and the stars smile at me. I had a dream. In the dream, I took my luggage and set off to the airport on a clear day, ready to go to other places.

I went through the formalities at the checkpoint, and when I was about to leave, an inspector stopped me, and she pointed to a small purse in my hand. "What's in there?" she asked me. "Just some change," I told her. She didn't quite believe it, and insisted that I open the purse to show her. Before I could do anything, she had already opened my purse and reached into the purse to check. She dug deeper and deeper, and finally found two single beds in the purse. I looked at her in amazement. When you wake up from the dream, you have already gone to work. How can there be two single beds in the purse?What exactly does this dream mean?Was it because I was taking sleeping pills for the first time in my life that I had such a strange dream?Or because last night, we each slept on one side of the bed, which was like two single beds even though it was a double bed. I went to the bookstore and looked for some books on dream interpretation, but the dream was not in the book. Back at the Yakitori shop, I told Huixuan about my dream. "What shape is that purse?" she asked me. "Forgot, it's just a small purse anyway." "Will it represent your heart?" She said smartly. "The purse can't fit the two single beds at all. You put the two single beds in your heart, isn't it too heavy? This dream may imply that your heart is bearing more weight than you can bear." What she said is not unreasonable. Then, I went to the furniture store to find Xu Mingshi and told him my dream. "Maybe the dream itself doesn't have any special meaning, why are you so nervous about a dream all of a sudden?" he asked me. Maybe it's like a down and out person going to fortune-telling, wondering what his next step should be. "You look tired, are you okay?" he asked me. "It's just that the cold hasn't recovered yet." "It's been almost two weeks since I came back from Frankfurt. With a doctor by my side, it hasn't improved yet?" "A cold is a very sad disease. Maybe the patient doesn't want to recover." I took out a tissue and blew my nose. "Would you like a glass of water?" "okay, thank you." Xu Mingshi poured me a cup of warm boiled water. "What shape is the single bed in the purse?" I laughed. "why are you laughing?" "Huixuan asked me what shape that purse was, but you asked me what shape that single bed was. She was most concerned about money, while you were more concerned about furniture." "Really?" he laughed. "The bed is very ordinary, it seems to be white, with four legs, that's it." "Although you dreamed that there were two single beds hidden in the purse, would the reality be the opposite? In fact, a purse was left on the single bed. The things in the purse should be very important, but you left it on the bed! "I suddenly remembered that the night I met you for the first time, Zheng Wen just left the purse on the bed, and later, I gave the purse to him. Is this pure coincidence?Or a coincidence that none of us can explain? "The purse was left on the single bed, what does that mean?" I asked Xu Mingshi. "Does it symbolize that you're about to lose something important to you?" Am I going to lose you? Maybe what he said was true. "I'm not an expert, I'm just talking nonsense." "I knew you were talking nonsense." I forcefully put on a smile and scolded him. In fact, I should ask you the most, so that you can interpret your dreams.I'm just afraid that what's on my mind revealed in my dream is something I don't want you to know. I took cold medicine and fell into a drowsy sleep. You don't know when you will come back, turn on the light, sit on the edge of the bed, and hold my hand. "Are you okay?" You asked me softly. "I had a dream last night." "What dream?" I will tell you the dream again. "What do you mean?" I asked you. "This dream has no meaning." You lay on the bed, held my hand, closed your eyes, and fell into a deep sleep. Your handsome face is bathed in the moonlight of Ndemien, I looked at you carefully, the beard that was shaved off in the morning has grown back, the hair is still angry, the breath is soft, the mouth is closed, the sleep is very good, the body is warm And fresh.The shepherd boy En Damien probably looks like this too, right?If I were the moon god Xining, I would use magic to make you sleep soundly for a long time. Only in this way, you would not leave me.Every night I'm afraid that if you wake up, you'll leave me. You are still holding my hand tightly in the dream, trusting and relying on me, is it cruel for me to think this way?My throat felt like it was on fire and I blew my nose on a tissue and there was blood on the tissue because it was dry.If I die and never wake up again, will you miss me like you miss Sun Mi Su?Will you shed tears for me?Or just a soft sigh?I fell on you and fell into a deep sleep.How can I be willing to let you wake up?Although you said that the dream I had was meaningless, I still took the key and entered your house the next day. There was a series of dream-interpretation books on the bookshelf. I took them down and sat on the sofa to read them one by one.One of the books records my dreams. The single bed in the purse symbolizes the dreamer's desire for marriage. why don't you tell me the truth I long to marry you, but you hide my thoughts from me. You don't want to marry me. Those dream-interpretation books have the purchase date written in your own handwriting on the title page, and you bought them in the past five years. That is to say, you only started reading dream-interpretation books after Sun Misu died. You've been waiting for her to come into your dreams, haven't you? The four pillows I made for you are stacked at one end of the sofa. You don't know that there is a letter I wrote to you in it. Will you regret the affection you missed?I put the book on the shelf and pretended I had never been there. Day after day, I waited for you to confess to me and tell me what my dream meant, but you didn't. When the sun rises and the moon sets, you still hold my hand tightly when you are sleeping, but do you love me?I suddenly miss the days when I stood on the balcony or stood in front of the window and looked at the place where you lived. At that time, our distance was closer than sleeping on the same bed together now. I finally understand that you are the moon, and I am the long-legged tortoise. I exhausted all my strength to carry you to the other side of the river. I can hardly bear the pain anymore.The tortoise backs the moon, just like the tortoise and the hare race, overreaching. That night was the first anniversary of the Yakitori restaurant's opening, and Huixuan wanted you to definitely come. You are here, we sit together, in everyone's eyes, we look like a very good couple. "Play a psychological test with you." Huixuan, who was drunk with Renke, walked over and said, "Someone played with me just now." "What psychological test?" I asked her. "When you had afternoon tea, you were reading a novel!" "It's a love story." Tiantian corrected her. "Yes, you are reading a romance novel, and you accidentally knocked over a cake in front of you when you read the highlight, what would you do?" "What is this psychometric test?" I asked her. "No, you won't allow it once you know it. You answer first. There are three answers: 1. Order another piece. 2. Don't want it. 3. Pick it up and eat it." "No more." I said. "What about you, which answer do you choose?" Huixuan asked you. "Psychological tests are unfounded," you say. "Oh, Su Ying has already answered, you must answer." "I'll pick it up and eat it." "That's the third answer." "Tell us the answer," I urged her. "Cake means the lost love, so whether you care about it or not, you can see whether a person's love for the old lover is strong. Well, the person who chooses the first answer is very persistent and will never forget the old lover. It is the seed of infatuation .” Fortunately, you did not select this answer. "What about the second answer?" I asked Huixuan. "The person who chooses the second answer is not attached to the cake, and can think about and let go of the lost love. It's really like you! Who said that psychological tests are inaccurate?" She said to me with a smile. "What about the third answer?" I asked her. "The person who chose this answer is very obsessed with the cake in front of him. He can't forget his old lover, so he hasn't found true love until now. It's not so much that he can't find it, it's better to say that he deliberately let the opportunity slip away every time." Maybe we shouldn't be taking this psychological test at all, it's so accurate. Huixuan was already drunk, and her friend sent her home. You and I are left, after closing, braving the cold wind, walking on the lonely road. "You never forgot her." This time, I couldn't just say it to myself. "Psych tests are boring," you say. "The dream I had, the single bed in the purse, symbolizes the dreamer's desire for marriage, right?" You go forward without answering me. So you know it. You stand and look back at me. "Are we starting to live together too quickly?" "It was too late for me to know that you will not forget her." I said sadly. "It's between the two of us," you emphasize. "No, three, though one doesn't exist anymore. She's dead, and everything is perfect, and I'm a human being, and all faults are unforgivable, aren't they?" You are sighing. But I seem to be waiting to be sentenced to death by you. I know you'll talk eventually. "It might be better if I move out," you say. You finally spoke. My tears welled up involuntarily. You just looked at me helplessly, forgetting how nervous you were about my tears. "You want to break up, don't you?" "I didn't mean that, I just thought it would be better for everyone." "What's the difference between this and breaking up?" I asked you crying. "Don't you think you are happy like this now?" You asked me back. "I originally wanted to make you happy, but I didn't expect to make you feel uncomfortable." "I want to make you happy too, but I can't!" "You said you wouldn't leave me, you promised me." I asked you for the promise like a crazy woman. "Don't do this, I didn't mean that, I just want to move back home." "If you leave, you will never come back." "I'll find you." "I don't want to wait, I can't stand waiting for you to find me." "Don't you have the key to my house? You can also come to me, just like before." "Really?" You nod. "You say, you say I'm a good woman!" "You are a good woman." You said sincerely. "You said, you are not a good man." "I'm not a good man." You say shamefully. "Say, say you never loved me!" You stared at me blankly. "Speak." I begged you. You pursed your lips and refused to speak. "I beg you to tell me." You just won't say it. If you say it, I will go. No woman will forgive the man she loves for telling her: "I never loved you." Why do not you say it?Why don't you let me give up? Maybe, you're right, it's good for everyone that you move back, and you'll miss me more than you do now when I'm not around.So, I promised to let you go back. The stars in the sky are blinking, maybe it will rain at midnight, the day we met, although it was cold, it was sunny, I don't believe that we will break up on a rainy day. When I get up every morning, you are no longer by my side, although I am lonely, but only in this way, you will not leave me. At night, standing in front of the window, looking at the place where you live, I was thinking, do you miss me too?You didn't lie to me, you still call me every day and you will still be with me. You make me believe that you won't leave me. I learn to love you the way you are, and I want you to be happy. Day after day, I come to your house every day to take care of everything for you, make sure you live comfortably, there is food in the refrigerator, and enough clothes to change, and then I leave quietly. That day, while ironing your clothes at your house, I found a ballet ticket in your drawer. So, I quietly went to buy tickets for that ballet. That night, with the bright moon hanging high, I entered the arena very early and sat in a corner to prevent you from seeing me. It was a children's ballet performance. Before the performance started, you came alone and sat not far in front of me. The children performed seriously, and some children were too young to avoid mistakes. The audience laughed and laughed, and it was just you, sitting alone in the performance hall. To see children dancing is but to mourn their teachers. The ballet school the children belonged to was the one where Sun Misu taught before his death. Maybe, it's not that you never loved me, you just never forgot her. Death is more domineering than love. Why am I not her? There will not be a man who is more infatuated than you, nor will there be a man who is more heartless than you. Didn't I tell you that only the moon will come back to life?You are still obsessed with it. But I suddenly figured it out. The stage has ended, you stand up, see me, don't know what to say.Leaving the performance hall, we walked together silently. "The moon is very round tonight." I said. "I'm sorry." You said. "Why do you say sorry?" You can't explain it yourself. "Because you never forgot her?" I explain for you. You hang your head in silence. "Do you think she'll come back?" "No, she's never coming back." "But you still miss her!" "She's already far away from me!" Your eyes turned red. "The furthest distance in the world is not the distance between life and death, or the distance between heaven and earth, but when I stand in front of you, but you don't know that I love you." I said sadly. You stared at me blankly, unable to speak. This is the first time I say I love you to you and the last time. Although reluctant, I still left before the tears welled up. I have already paid the highest consumption and become a poor and white person. I can't pay anymore, please forgive me. The moon waxes and wanes, but the dead moon will come back to life. A dead heart does not come back to life. I don't care what I gave up to be with you, I never regret it, but I care about my place in your heart. I'm at the end of my rope, and I have no energy left to love you. From now on, every full moon night, I will still miss your tenderness, your soft breath, and your warm and lively body under the moonlight of Endemien. I just can't stand in front of you anymore. Love is not complicated at all, there are only three words that come and go, either "I love you", "I hate you", or "Forget it", "How are you", "I'm sorry".