Chapter 4 Chapter 3 The Trojan Horse Turning in the Wind

I never thought that I would meet Han Xingyu again, and it was on a carousel with lights like flowing water. A French circus came to Hong Kong to perform.The performance takes place in a makeshift tent.In the open space outside the tent, the staff set up a mobile carousel, allowing the audience to relive this childish game before the opening and during the intermission. One day before the official performance, I interviewed a whipper in the circus as a reporter.Others' interest in the circus is often trapeze.However, I don't know why, but I like interviewing the Whiphand.The whip stunt is a performance and dedication that is both serious and funny.Now is the age of the pistol; but how strange is it that a man still walks the world with a whip?

Only twenty-three years old, the Whiphand is a handsome, big man, his weight is one and a half times my weight.The magic whipman must have this kind of weight before he can dance that long whip.His whip is very powerful, it is so gentle that it can break a piece of white paper, and it can also dexterously roll a basketball on the ground into the air to shoot.That whip is an extension of the hand, and all the unreachable things become possible.This is also a kind of magic, right?With a whip, it seems to be invincible, there is nothing that can't be rolled in your arms; love is fine, and so are all the things you want.People who live in the circus stay in the childish world and never grow old.Unfortunately, they won't take me in, I don't have any special skills.

The big man lent me his whip, and I tried to swing it a few times, but I couldn't get it off the ground.The seemingly easy technique is not easy at all, and my arms are sore.If Judy had been there, she would have said, "Let me! Let me! It's so fun! It's so sadistic!" The carousel had just been erected when the interview took place.Since it was daytime, I couldn't see its beauty yet.The whipman asked me, "Will you come to play?" "Yes." I replied. That night, when all the audience was also sitting in the tent watching the show, I stepped on the carousel, looking for childish happiness.Playing the carousel should still be at night, so that it can reflect the night sky.On a moonless night, it is the moonlight falling from the mortal world.

Now I know why I love the carousel.People are on it, on a flying horse, or in a carriage, constantly rotating, and the scenes in front of them meet and pass, and scenes disappear and reappear again and again.What flows is everything outside, not oneself, so the time stays for a while, and people don't need to grow up.There is no need to grow up, and there is no pain of parting. When I looked back on the wooden horse, I saw Han Xingyu.He was sitting on a unicorn, and the wind was so strong that it blew everything about him backwards; his hair flew behind his head, and the collar of his coat was blown backwards.When I went up, he went down; when I went down, he just happened to go up again.The music was flowing in the wind, we smiled and nodded, and there was a tacit understanding.

Why did he come here?Yes, he loves the carousel too, especially the flowing ones.We are like two people living in a music box, constantly spinning, recalling the good old days.The moment that stays in time may be mourning for a lost love.All the lovelorn handbooks are written by women, don't men not lovelorn?Perhaps, in a man's life, falling out of love is too insignificant.Is it the same for Han Xingyu?In that moment of evil, I felt that he, like me, shared a helpless innocence.After all, people still have to look forward.The merry-go-round has its lesson of pause; then, life goes on.Reunions and partings will still be staged non-stop.

"Long time no see." Han Xingyu came down from the carousel and told me. "Did you come to the circus too?" I asked. He smiled and pointed to the carousel behind him and said, "This one is more fun." He added: "You know what? When I was a kid I was afraid I was going to die." "why?" "I saw some research materials in the book, and those materials said that children who are too smart will die early." "Is there any scientific basis for this?" "It's just a bunch of statistics and an emotional inference," he said.

"Emotional inference?" I don't understand. "A child who is too smart has foreshadowed his own wisdom, so he will decay faster. That pile of materials made me secretly hide in bed and cry every day." He said. "Aren't you living a good life now? If I can get a little wisdom in advance, I want it too. Isn't it too late to be wise at the age of forty?" I said. "When I was a little older, I was always afraid that I would become an ordinary person, not a genius anymore." He said. I smiled. "I don't have that kind of worry. When I was a kid, I just wanted to grow up. Now I'm a grown-up, but I have to get over my baby fat. Maybe when I finally get over my baby fat, I'm going to die."

"A while ago, I met your girlfriend in Repulse Bay." I said, "Are you still together?" "No more." Han Xingyu said frankly. "I can see that." "Did she tell you?" he asked. "No." I said.We didn't even talk, it was a deeper understanding and empathy than talking. "I really don't understand women." Han Xingyu said helplessly. "Aren't you from a child prodigy?" I laughed at him. "Women are animals that even geniuses cannot understand," he said. "What about men? Men are both heaven and hell," I said.

He suddenly smiled, as if thinking of something else. "I've heard people say that the only place you can't go twice is heaven," he said. "Yes," I said, "I went twice and ended up in hell." After breaking up and reuniting, isn't it like going to heaven twice?As a result, he was sent to hell. There is a candy stand outside the tent.On the stall, there were colorful fudge, and I picked a bag full of them. "Do you like sweets?" he asked. "I didn't like it before, but I like it now." I said. "Didn't you just say you want to overcome baby fat?"

"So I ate it with guilt," I said. He suddenly asked me: "Are you interested in joining our company?" "I?" "I've seen what you've written. We need talent," he said. "It's too sudden, can you let me think about it?" I said. "Okay, I'll wait for your reply." During the intermission, the audience came out of the tents, and the carousel surrounded many people and became lively. "Will you come tomorrow?" Han Xingyu asked. "I will," I said, "I'll be here tomorrow to hear back from you."

He smiled and nodded, and the wooden horse behind him whirled in the wind.When I lost confidence in myself, he gave me confidence and encouragement.In that moment when eyes met, I found a tender solace. "I'm sorry, but I still like my current job." I said while riding on the white Pegasus. "I understand." Han Xingyu rode on the unicorn beside him. The wooden horse turned in the wind, and after a night, we met again.We are like two people living in a fairy tale world. As long as our toes cannot touch the ground, everything seems unreal, and neither does he.In such a boundless night, why is he the one who is with me?It's good to have him by my side.In this circulation, the weight of longing and nostalgia seems to be lightened.Seeing his smiling face, the pain seemed to become lighter.At least, there is still a man in the world who is willing to play with me on the carousel, willing to accompany me to chase the moment of time. "Are you particularly fond of unicorns?" I asked. "How do you know?" "You also rode a unicorn yesterday." "Yes! It has an extra horn than other horses, which is very strange." "Because you're a weird person too?" I said. "may be." "I have a quiz for you," I said. Han Xingyu laughed so hard that he almost fell off the unicorn. He was probably laughing at my blindness, right? "I must have answered quite a few puzzles when you were growing up; but this one is different," I said. "Then just let the horse come over!" He said coolly. "Okay! Listen—" I said, "what is love?" He froze for a moment.The wooden horse turned round and round. "Unexpected?" I asked. "It's not a puzzle," he said. "Who said no?" "Because there can be many answers, and there is no standard answer." "That's why you need to use puzzles to answer." I said, "You can't answer this. The second question: why can one person love two people?" "It's not a puzzle either!" he protested. "There is one, and there are two. They are all numbers. Why not puzzles?" He thought for a long time, but couldn't answer. "You lost again!" I said, "The third question: Why are there so many scars in love?" "These three are not intellectual problems, but love problems." He said. "Then back to the first question: what is love?" He held up his hands and said, "I surrender! Tell me the answer!" "If I know, I don't need to ask you." I said, "Actually, it's fine if you can't answer." "why would you say so?" "A question that even a person with an IQ above 200 can't answer, then I don't have to feel inferior." "Don't think I know everything." He said, "Love often negates all logical thinking. Even if the geniuses from all over the world are gathered together, there is no answer that everyone agrees on. That answer may be something to buy." "Can I buy it? Where can I buy it?" I asked. "It's not bought with money, but with your own life." He said. "Buy it with pleasure and pain, too," I said. "The puzzle you asked was the first one I was willing to admit defeat to," he said. I laughed and asked him: "Why did you and your girlfriend break up? Is it your fault?" "Maybe? She said she didn't feel that I loved her." He smiled wryly. "What about you? You really don't love her?" "I care about her." "Caring is not love. Do you miss her every day? Are you afraid that she will leave you, like you were afraid that you would die when you were a child?" He thought about it and said, "No." "That's just liking, that's not love." Are all men like this?They can't tell the difference between love and liking.For feelings, they have never been as delicate as men, nor have rich details and textures.We spend our lives trying to define liking and love.Between the two, we will choose love without hesitation. We don't care about liking, nor are we willing to just like it.However, men roughly equate liking with love.They can sleep with the women they like, and if they sleep too much, it becomes love.A woman needs a feeling of love before she can sleep with that man.What Han Xingyu's girlfriend felt was liking, not love, so she was sad and left. "Like and love, what's the difference?" Han Xingyu asked. "Is this a puzzle?" I asked him. "In your logic, it should be considered." He said. For women, this question is too easy to answer. I said: "If you like someone, there will be no pain. If you love someone, you will have long-lasting pain. However, the happiness he gave me is also the greatest happiness in the world." "Well, I see." He said modestly. On the contrary, I feel embarrassed.I speak so transparently, how can I understand love? "Don't say that, I'm far less intelligent than you," I said. "You're smart, but we're smart in different ways." "You're good at comforting others." "When I was young, I often comforted my parents like this. They felt that they couldn't understand me." Han Xingyu said. "Are you making fun of me?" "How dare I make fun of you? I don't know how to answer your question." "The last puzzle—" I said. "Again? Your question is hard to answer." He said. "It's not difficult at all," I said. "Could we be dreaming? This is a dreaming planet. I thought I was awake, but it was all a dream." "Is it a dream or reality? If this is a dreaming planet, then maybe there is another planet in the sky, and the people who live on it are awake, and they think they are dreaming." .Which planet do you want to live on?" "It's better to go both ways? When you're happy, stay on the waking planet. When you're sad, go to the dreaming planet. When you wake up, it turns out that everything is a dream." I said. "Are you coming tomorrow?" he asked me. "tomorrow?" He nodded, smiling at me.Smiling, with a shy look. "Yes." I replied. "What planet are we on now?" he asked. "Which one is awake." I said. Riding on the unicorn, he smiled brightly.As time went by, I felt a moment of happiness.If this is an emotional invitation, I promise a beginning.I never doubted Lin Fangwen's love for me; however, he betrayed me again and again, and tried hard to tell me that love does not need to be specific.I used to refuse to understand this; however, at this moment, I wondered, what is it like to be in love with two people?If I could, I'd stop being a misfit and I'd be able to understand him.Why can't one person love two people?I still love him deeply, and I can love someone else too.Please let me believe that two parts of love, two parts of longing, two parts of pain and happiness can be placed in a person's heart.Loyalty is a betrayal of love. I know that Lin Fangwen will come again, this is the feeling of a lover, although this feeling may become weaker and weaker as time goes by. It was already midnight when I left the newspaper office.Lin Fangwen and his dark blue car were waiting for me outside the newspaper office.He never gave up on me, I gave up on him.After getting to know him, I realized that I gave up because I cared.I cared so much about him that I couldn't bear it, so I had no choice but to give up and not let him hurt me again. "Get in the car!" he said. "No!" I said. "Get in the car!" He took my hand. I really want to get rid of him, I really want to say: "Let go!", but I am too tired and miss him too much. In the car, we were silent.What is this?If I want to go back, at least he will tell me that he has left Gemel.He said nothing.I sat in this familiar car, and everything was the same.We have had our laughter here; however, the cracks that once existed cannot be repaired, right? "Tired?" he asked me. "Which aspect are you talking about?" I looked out the window, not at him. He fell silent. My mobile phone rang, it was Han Xingyu calling. "Are you off work yet?" He asked me on the other end of the phone. "It's off work." I said, "I'm in the car now." "Tired?" he asked me softly. He even asked the same question, but the answer I gave him was different. "Very tired, can I call you tomorrow?" I said. "Fine then," he said. After a while of silence, Lin Fangwen asked me: "Who is calling?" I didn't answer him, and he had no right to know. The car was speeding on the quiet road, heading towards my house.What about when we get there?Do you want him to go up?If I let him go up, I can't guarantee that I can drive him away again.But, if he doesn't go up, will I be disappointed?Who decides whether to stay or not? I pressed the switch on the record player in the car, and it turned out to be Gomel's singing.Lin Fangwen quickly turned off the record player. Is it too late? What he listened to in the car was Gomel's song.Gemel also often sits in this car, right?He didn't leave her at all. "It wasn't intentional," he explained. Since you came to pick me up, but didn't take Gomel's record, isn't it too much? I have arrived.I won't let him go up.I got out of the car, didn't say goodbye to him, didn't look back at him, and ran home.He did not catch up.He should be ashamed of his negligence, how could he still have the courage to catch up? I was about to soften my heart, but I pressed the switch of the record player on a whim, and it turned out that like a roll of dice, that song decided whether I would stay or not.I give up, but not reconciled.He obviously belongs to me, why is there an extra person?Maybe, he never belonged to me at all, it was my wishful thinking. Pressing the switch of the record player is also because of the feeling of being a lover, right?How much am I afraid of this feeling that often works? I took off the clothes on my body, crawled into the bed naked, and pulled the phone into the bed. "Are you still in the company?" I asked Han Xingyu. He said on the other end of the phone: "Yes, have you gone home yet?" "Well, don't be too late." I said. "I'm used to it." He asked me again: "Why does your voice seem to come from a sealed place?" "I'm under the covers, it's pitch black here." "Why are you hiding under the covers?" "This is my stronghold," I said. That's what I do when I'm extremely depressed.Without washing his face or brushing his teeth, he crawled into bed naked and cried.When I wake up in the middle of the night, I feel much better.This is the bed treatment of my own invention. "Is there something wrong?" he asked. "No, it's just that I'm too tired today." "The air in the quilt is not circulating." He said. "Don't worry! I'll stick my head out and breathe in." I took a breath and retracted into the bed again. I said, "I was afraid of the dark when I was a child, but I am not afraid now. What about you? Are you afraid of the dark?" He smiled: "Didn't I tell you? I wasn't afraid of the dark back then, I was afraid of death." I don't know what it feels like to be afraid of death, is it like being afraid of parting?The things we used to be afraid of, in the end, we may no longer be afraid, and we don't have to be afraid. "Puzzle—" I said. "here we go again?" "Easy. Do you like me?" "Hmm." He replied emphatically. His "hmm" sounded like he had grown wings, flew through the night, and landed on my shoulder lightly. The next day, Han Xingyu told me that I was talking on the phone last night, and then stopped talking.Later, he even heard my talking in my sleep.I think I fell asleep because I was too tired.Is that my sleep talking or crying?I also forgot. "What time do you leave work today?" Lin Fangwen asked me on the other end of the phone. "are you looking for me?" "May I come pick you up?" "Do we still need to meet?" "I have something to tell you," he insisted. I was silent for a long time, and finally said: "Nine o'clock." Why do you still have to see him?Want to hear something talk?Want to get an answer?Are you unwilling to give him up to Gemel?I understand, since he can love two people, why can't I?Didn't I already plan to get to know him in this way?I will go back, however, from now on, I will not be so stupid.In my heart, there will be another man at the same time.I can play this game too. Before Lin Fangwen came to pick me up, the game of throwing dice was repeated once again.After a busy day, I finally had time to open the newspaper of the day. On the entertainment page, the big headline read: "I love him", and next to it was a photo of Gomel.She was asked by a reporter about her relationship with Lin Fangwen. In front of everyone, she smiled brightly and said: "I love him!" The entertainment section of every newspaper carried this declaration of love.She was so forthright and frank, she openly claimed her Linus with love. She loves him, what about me?It seems that I have been disqualified from loving him.They took away my dignity and my last hope at the same time. When I came out of the newspaper office, Lin Fangwen leaned against his car and waited for me. "Have you eaten yet? Do you want somewhere to eat?" he said. "Are you going to tell me what happened in today's newspaper?" I asked. He fell silent. "Or she is more suitable for you, aren't you better now than ever?" I choked up and said. "I'm sorry—" he said. "You don't have to apologize. A sick person doesn't have to apologize to anyone for his illness. You are sick, and you can't be faithful to a woman." I looked at him for a long time, it turned out that I can't be like him, I can't love two people. "Shall we sit down somewhere and talk?" he said. "Okay, I'll drive." I spread my palms and asked him for the car keys. He hesitated. "Give me the keys, I want to drive," I said. He finally put the car keys in my hand.After taking the car keys, I jumped into a taxi parked by the side of the road, closed the door, and said to the driver: "Please drive quickly." Lin Fangwen stood there dumbfounded, watching the taxi leave helplessly.I have never treated him like this, I have always been too kind to him, and now I just want revenge. The car drove onto the road.The wind is very strong, how can he go home? "Please go back to the place where I got into the car just now." I said to the driver. "Go back?" the driver asked. "yes." The car finally drove back, and Lin Fangwen was still standing there.Seeing me in the car, his face showed joy and hope.I lowered the window and tossed him my car keys.He couldn't catch it, the key dropped to the floor, and he bent down to pick it up. "Please drive." I said to the driver. Lin Fangwen stood up and looked at me from a distance.The scenery outside the car became blurred in an instant, and the past scenes disappeared one by one.When the car passed by him, I seemed to see the helplessness on his face.I thought I could learn to love two people and share one person with others, but I couldn't.I'd rather not have all, if not all. The moment he picked up the car keys on the ground, he would find that there were a total of two keys there.The other one is the key to his house, which I keep with me all the time.Last time, he refused to take it back; this time, he couldn't give it back to me. There is no perfect love in the world, right? In the coffee room at dusk, Zhu Dizhi told me that she also had a third party.The other party is Meng Chuanyin, a colleague of the law firm.She has been dating Meng Chuanyin behind Chen Qizheng's back. "Why did you tell me now?" I asked in surprise. "Because you are my best friend, I don't know how to speak. I don't know how to face my good friend. I told you that I love Chen Qizheng very much. I didn't expect that I could fall in love with others. I Too bad!" Her eyes were red. "Don't you love Chen Qizheng anymore?" "No, I still love him very much." "Then why can you still love others?" I don't understand. "It turns out that one person can really love two people." She said. "You are the same as Lin Fangwen." I said angrily. "Yes, I can understand him." "Why can you love two people?" "Maybe it's for excitement!" "I think it's not enough to love someone," I said. She said: "There is no perfect person in the world. It is impossible for one person to completely satisfy another person. There are many aspects to a person." "In your heart, can you let go of two loves and longings?" "I can let it go." "Aren't you afraid that Chen Qizheng will know?" "Of course you can't let him know." "Then why do you still do it?" She smiled: "Maybe I want to be loved by two men." "If you had to choose one, which one would you choose?" She said willfully: "I don't want to choose! I hope that end will never come!" This is also Lin Fangwen's voice, right?It turns out that they can't choose one of them, they can only escape. "Compared to you, I am really outdated." I said. "It's just that you didn't meet it!" she said, "Once you do, it's not your choice." "Does Meng Chuanyin know that you have a boyfriend?" I asked. "Well. They met." "Then why is he willing?" "Cheng Yun," she said earnestly, "the noblest love is not exclusive, your possessiveness is too strong." "It seems that I was wrong!" I said unwillingly, "I hope that the other party will be single-minded. Is this also possessive? Are you saying that this kind of love is not noble enough; betraying others is noble?" "Maybe I shouldn't use the word 'noble' to describe it, but the one who can share it with others may be the one who loves deeply." "You and Lin Fangwen should really organize a 'Friends of Betrayal', you are the ones who know how to love best!" I said. "Forget it! I won't argue with you!" She lowered her head and drank her coffee. Am I mad at her?Maybe, I'm mad at myself.I hate being possessive.I hate myself for being so stubborn.People who are too stubborn will not be happy. She was silent for a long time, and finally said: "I'm also tormented by my own guilt every day." "Then why continue?" "Because there is no way to give up, only to love with guilt." She smiled wryly. What kind of love is it to love with guilt?I wish I could understand. "How are you and Han Xingyu?" she asked. Then, she said: "Hurry up and fall in love with someone! If you fall in love with someone else, you can forget Lin Fangwen. A new love is the greatest revenge for an old love, and it will also be the best treatment." However, I can't fall in love with someone so quickly. "Han Xingyu is much better than Lin Fangwen!" she said. "You actually betrayed Lin Fangwen? You are comrades of the 'Friends of Betrayal'!" I said. She shook her head and said, "I want you to find happiness quickly, but I'm afraid of smelling the bitter taste of this lovelorn woman again." I sniffed my fingers and said: "Does it really smell like this?" She nodded heavily, and said, "It's lonely, a little sour, irritable, and bitter. Maybe it's because I haven't been hugged by a man for too long." She still can't get rid of her true colors. "So, hurry up and find a man to hug you! Hurry up and forget about it." She said. She said it so easily.It's not easy to let someone hug you, you have to fall in love with him first.It's not easy to fall in love with someone. Han Xingyu, who got off work very late, also stopped by to pick me up from get off work. I was a little embarrassed to see him again.That night, why did I ask him if he liked me?Is it because the body is exhausted and the mind is weak, or do you want to take revenge on Lin Fangwen? He reached out to the back of the car and took a box of things, put it in my arms, and said: "Do you want to eat?" "What came from?" "It's sweet and you can eat it with guilt," he said. I opened the box to have a look, and there were a few small cakes inside. It should be cakes, right?Its shape is a bit like the head of the Egyptian demon queen, with a concave in the middle and pits on the outside.I have never had this kind of cake.The golden-yellow skin is like gummy candy, but the inside is soft and sweet, exuding the aroma of cinnamon and brandy. "Is it delicious?" Han Xingyu asked. "It's so delicious! What kind of cake is this?" "Cannele," he said, "is usually found in the Bordeaux region of France." "Then where did you buy it?" "Secret!" he said playfully. Later, I learned that this dessert from the famous French wine-making region was bought in the bakery in the cellar of Sogo Department Store, and it was only available in that place.Han Xingyu often buys it for me to eat, and he likes to eat it himself.I suddenly fell in love with desserts because of sadness and wanting to give up my body. After eating the Cannele he bought, I no longer eat other desserts.There is no sweeter memory than this eccentric thing. "How do they compare to Mrs. Mo's chocolate chip cookies?" I asked. "Memories can't be compared. The taste in memories cannot be rediscovered." Han Xingyu said. He is right.What are the benefits of Lin Fangwen?Why can't I forget him?It turned out that he was all I remembered.Maybe someone is better than him, but he is my only first love, which I will never be able to find again for the rest of my life. "Did you really hear me talking in my sleep that night?" I asked. "Ok." "What did I say?" "You say: 'Puzzle...puzzle...puzzle...'" he laughs. "Nonsense! If it was talking in sleep, how could anyone hear it so clearly? Did I tell you any secrets?" "Unspeakable?" he asked. "Hmm." I nodded. "Unspeakable, it seems that there is none." "Really do not have?" "No." He smiled and shook his head. "That's gone." I said. Asking him if he likes me, can it be regarded as sleep talk?We seem to have agreed that what is said in a dream does not count.However, the words spoken and the answers heard, are the president's attention, right? "Can you play Go?" I asked. "When I was ten years old, I already played chess with my father and beat him. Since that day, I have never met an opponent." "Then why don't you continue? Maybe you will become the king of chess." "The chess king is too lonely." "Isn't it lonely to be in front of a computer all day?" "Through the computer, you can connect with many people, and you can also have partners when you work. However, people who play chess have only opponents." "Can you teach me Go?" "Do you want to learn?" "The world chess king Fu Qingliu will come to Hong Kong, and the editor wants me to interview him; however, I don't know anything about Go." "When is he coming?" "In three days." "Go is profound and profound, and it is impossible for you to understand it in only three days." "Aren't you a child prodigy?" "I'm." "That's right!" "But you're not." He smiled. "Hmph! I'm not going to compete with him, it's enough for me to understand the reason." "The principle of Go is very simple," he said. "Simple?" I couldn't help wondering. "Simple things are full of philosophy. Every nation that is good at chess has a different style. The Koreans follow suit, the Japanese are precise in calculations, and the Chinese are big and big. Fu Qingliu's layout is known for its unpredictability. of." "You speak like a martial arts novel, I don't understand it more and more, what should I do?" I became anxious.Although this interview is not just about Go, since the other party is the king of chess, I don't know Go, it seems not very good. "What time did your visit start?" Han Xingyu asked. "Six o'clock in the evening." "Do you want me to help you?" "Can you?" I was overjoyed. "However, it is only limited to the Go part." "Great! After the interview, I'll treat you to dinner." He smiled: "Unexpectedly, there will be rewards!" "I don't ask you to do things for nothing," I said. "I won't eat in vain either," he said. "Of course I can't let you eat for free!" I joked. "It's good to know you." I said, "I can ask you anything I don't understand." "I don't know everything, I just happen to know how to play Go." "I can't even play chess," I said. He widened his eyes and said, "Impossible?" I said awkwardly: "I don't like playing chess, what's so strange about that?" "Then what are your strengths?" he asked. "My strength is knowing that I have no strengths." "It's a great advantage." "That's it." I said. "I'm not very interested in chess either," he said. "why?" "I don't like games that only win and lose. I like the process, such as mathematics. The most beautiful thing is not the answer, but the process of finding the answer." "Then you must like playing Monopoly." "I don't like it either, the process is too boring." "The most fun part of "Monopoly" is not to buy land and build houses, but to draw a "fate" or "chance" card." "You're a gambler," he said. "Yes." I said. What games you like to play since you were young can also reflect a person's personality, right?At this moment, I suddenly realized that I was even a gambler.I bet everything on one person and lost it all.All the long-term stay together is also because there is no third party, right?I lost, it was my bad luck. Fu Qingliu, who is nearly forty years old, is tall, thin and thin, with a pair of deep eyes.I read the information about him.He dominates the chess world, but has a failed marriage.Because Qizi couldn't bear the fact that his world was only Go, five years ago, he ran away from home on the eve of his participation in the competition in Japan.Han Xingyu was right, the king of chess is lonely, and their women are also lonely. Fu Qingliu likes Han Xingyu very much. They talked endlessly about chess skills. I became an outsider, as if I was watching two martial arts masters discuss swords. "Let's play a game of chess!" Fu Qingliu said to Han Xingyu.It seems that he is itchy. "Okay!" Han Xingyu was also in high spirits. What will happen when the child prodigy faces the king of chess? When they played chess, I was even more of an outsider. Finally, Han Xingyu said: "I lost!" How did he lose?I do not understand. "You're already fine!" Fu Qingliu said to him. Han Xingyu became a little downcast. After leaving the hotel where Fu Qingliu stayed, I asked Han Xingyu: "What do you want to eat, just say whatever you want!" "Can we eat another day? I have something to do today," he said. Didn't you say you don't like games where you only win and lose?Lost and yet so frustrated.Although the other party was Fu Qingliu, the taste of failure was not pleasant.He has never lost a game of chess. If he didn't do the interview for me, he wouldn't have tasted the taste of failure. It's all my fault. After we broke up that day, there was no more news from him. Does he blame me?When I can't see him, I miss him a little bit in my heart, and I am afraid that I will never see him again. What an inexplicable feeling is this?Maybe, I don't know him well, he made me too far away, it's just my wishful thinking.Everything is just a lovelorn woman who longs for love too much, but love is out of reach. “你还欠我一顿饭。”韩星宇在电话那一头，愉悦的说。 还以为他永远不会再出现了。 在餐厅见面的时候，他的头发有点乱，胡子也没有刮。难道是躲起来哭过？他还没开口，我便连忙安慰他： “输给傅清流，虽败犹荣。” “他已经让了我很多步。”韩星宇说。 “他的年纪比你大那么多，即使打成平手，也不算赢，输了也不算输。” 他笑了：“你以为我不能接受失败吗？” “你那天为什么闷闷不乐？” “我在想我哪一步棋走错了。我终于想通了！”他说。 "real?" “输给傅清流，绝对不会惭愧。但是，我起码应该知道自己为什么输，而且要从那局棋去了解他。他真的是虚幻莫测。” “你躲起来就是想这件事？” “你以为是什么？” “喔，没什么。”我想错了。 “几天没有好好吃过东西了。”他开怀大嚼。 那一刻，我忽然发觉，韩星宇跟林方文很相似。他们两个都是奇怪的人，孤独而又感性。有人说，一个人一生寻觅的，都是同一类人，我也是这种人吗？还是，我是被这类人爱上的人？ “你想不想去玩回转木马？”韩星宇问。 “这么晚了，游乐场还没有关门吗？” “我知道还有一个地方。”他说。 我们离开了餐厅，驱车前往他说的那个地方。 车子驶上了半山一条宁静的小路。小路两旁排列着一栋栋素净的平房和星星点点的矮树。路的尽头，是一座粉白的平房。房子外面，竖着一支古老的灯。这条小路的形状就像一把钥匙。我们停车的地方，便是钥匙圈。 “回转木马在哪里？”我问。 “这里就是了。”他说。 韩星宇拉开车篷，就像打开了天幕，眼前的世界一瞬间变辽阔了。白晃晃恶圆月在天空，抬眼是漫天的星星，我们好像坐在一辆马车上。从唱机流转出来的，是莫扎特的《快乐颂》，跟我们那天在回转木马上听到的，是一样的歌。韩星宇坐在驾驶座上，亮起了所有的灯，车子在钥匙圈里打转，时而向前，时而倒退，代替了木马的高和低。 “我常常一个人来这里玩回转木马恶。”他说。 “这是你的独角兽吗？”我指着他双手握着的方向盘。 “是的。”他快乐地说。 我骑在飞马上，抬头望着天空，问他： “音乐会停吗？” “永不。”他说。 “永不？” “嗯。”他驶前了，又倒退。 “有永远不会停的音乐的吗？” “在心中便不会停。” “汽油会用完吗？” “今晚不会。” “这样子不停的打转，我们会晕过去吗？” 他凝望着我，说：“永不。” 我忍不住伸手摸了摸那双向我辉映着的眼睛，他捉住了我的手。月亮、星星、路灯和房子在回转，甜美的生命也在回转。我凝视这他那孩子气的眼波，这个小时候每天晚上躲在被窝里饮泣，害怕自己会死去的小男孩，有没有想过长大之后会遇到一个来访问他的女记者？然后，爱情召唤了他们，在她最悲伤的时候，他在她心里亮起了希望的灯。 我掉进昏昏夜色之中，眼睛花花的。“永不，永不……”我听到的，是梦呓还是真实的？我们是在做梦的星球吗？直到我醒来，发觉他在我床上，我赤身露体，被他搂抱着，呼吸着他的气息，我才发现，我们是在醒着恶星球。有生以来，我第一次意识到爱和忘记能够同时降临。那段日子，竟然有一天，我忘记了林方文。