Chapter 3 Chapter 2 Love Gone With Lies

"Will you fall in love with Gemel?" I asked Lin Fangwen. He looked at me and said angrily, "Why did I fall in love with her?" "She's cute!" I said. "You are cuter!" He patted my head with his hand. "Isn't there a special attraction to a woman like an aborigine?" I said. "You are also a native!" "What native?" "Hong Kong natives!" he said. I asked this because Lin Fangwen told me that he was going to learn diving. "Are you learning from Gemel?" "It's a course in a diving shop. After learning the theory, you have to practice in the swimming pool before you can go to sea. At that time, Gemel can teach me."

"Will it be dangerous?" I worried. "Every year, far more people drown than die from diving accidents," he said. "That's because there are many more people swimming than diving!" I said. "Don't worry! Nothing will happen." I didn't ask him why he wanted to learn to dive. He is a person who can do anything because of his whim.It's just that at this moment, I don't know whether he is doing it for interest or because of Gemel.How good would it be if Weiwei hadn't left? Why should I worry and doubt?Is it because I don't have faith in him, or is this kind of thinking normal at all?We always have a lot of associations with any slightly conditioned woman who turns up with the man we love.Will he be attracted to her?Will he fall in love with her?How many times do we repeat this worry throughout our lives?These petty jealousies are the very essence of love; they can be groundless and groundless.

Shen Guanghui finally started dating Yu Pingzhi who was three years younger than her.She probably couldn't think of it herself, could she?When she was still a middle school student, she fell in love with Lao Wenkang, a physical education teacher thirty-six years older than her; many years later, she fell in love with a man younger than her.Fate really loves to play tricks on her. She said: "It's been a long time since I've been pursued by anyone, and it's good to have one." Shen Guanghui never seemed to love anyone very much.Over the years, I have never seen her love a man obsessively.Every time she falls in love, she also has reservations.Later, I finally got to know her.When a person has been betrayed and played by love, holding hatred; then, the only thing she loves the most is herself.

Yu Pingzhi has a mother who loves to cook and is also good at cooking.She doesn't have a moment to relax. When she has a whim, she will cook a lot of delicacies for friends to taste. Shen Guanghui also ate a lot, and she was full of praise.That night, Shen Guanghui held a large plate of drunken chicken made by Yu Pingzhi's mother, and asked Zhu Dizhi to come to my house. That was the most delicious chicken I have ever had. "How does it taste?" Shen Guanghui asked us. Zhu Dizhi gave a thumbs up and said: "For our happiness, you must never break up with Yu Pingzhi. If you break up with him, we will not be able to eat such delicious dishes again."

"The duck curry she made is better than this one. I will never forget that kind of taste in my life!" Shen Guanghui said happily, "I suspect that I am not in love with Yu Pingzhi, but in love with his mother's dishes !" Didn't people in the past say that if a woman wants to capture a man's heart, she must first capture his stomach?However, these may be outdated.I remember reading a piece of news about a girl who was often beaten black and blue by her chef boyfriend. Finally, one time, she couldn't take it anymore and called the police. An ambulance arrived and took her to the hospital.

The reporter asked her: "He hit you like this, why are you still with him?" The girl with her eyes swollen and unable to open smiled and said, "The dishes he cooks are delicious. Every time after beating me, he will cook a delicious dish for me. Please forgive him." That's why she loves him.She may be the person who appreciates food the most in the world.In order to eat the best, she is even willing to be beaten.The loneliness of the stomach needs comfort more than the loneliness of the soul.Eros and appetite can be combined so poignantly. Shen Guanghui said: "His mother is a culinary prodigy, she already knew how to make cakes when she was very young."

"Speaking of child prodigy, do you remember a child prodigy named Li Ximing when we were young?" Zhu Dizhi asked. How can I not remember?He is about the same age as us.I've seen him perform on TV.He is a mental arithmetic prodigy, his mental calculation speed is faster than that of a computer, and several adults are all defeated by him.At that time, I didn't know how much I envied him.Why am I not a child prodigy?I really hope that I am a child prodigy, then my life will be very extraordinary. "He is working as a messenger in our law firm now!" Zhu Dizhi said.

"Impossible! He is a child prodigy!" I said. "It's really him! He hasn't become an extraordinary person. Moreover, his calculation speed is about the same as mine." Zhu Dizhi said smugly. "Did his talent suddenly disappear? How could this happen?" Shen Guanghui asked. Isn't the story of a once radiant prodigy who turned out to be an ordinary person who couldn't even get into high school very legendary?I asked Judy: "Can I interview him?" "Let me try it. He is very nice, so it should be fine." Li Ximing readily agreed to my request, and we made an appointment to meet in a coffee shop near the law firm.He came, looking very shy.I'm beginning to have a little memory of his appearance.This child prodigy, whom I admired and envied at the time, has grown up and is sitting in front of me.I thought he would be in pain, however, he doesn't seem to miss the past.

Except for mathematics, Li Ximing's grades in other aspects are not good.His genius seemed to have disappeared suddenly for unknown reasons when he was eleven years old. "My father took me to see many doctors. He thought I was sick. He couldn't accept that I was no longer a child prodigy." Li Ximing told me. "What about yourself? Will it be hard?" He shrugged and said, "Being a child prodigy is not fun at all! Other kids will be jealous of you, and adults will just quiz you. A child prodigy has no friends." He added: "Another child prodigy, I don't know what will happen now?"

"Is there another child prodigy?" I wondered. He nodded: "We tried it, and he beat me. Because we competed with a mathematics professor instead of performing on a TV station, not many people know about it." "What's his name?" "Han Xingyu." Li Ximing said. "Where is he now?" "I don't know that." "Do you remember the professor's name?" "It's Professor Mo. He has many delicious chocolate chip cookies at home." He recalled with a smile. What would the life of another child prodigy be like?At that time, I just wanted to find him and put him together with Li Ximing's interview.It didn't occur to me that that was another story of mine at the same time.

I went to visit Professor Mo. At that time, he had already retired and had gray hair all over his head.When it comes to Han Xingyu, he still remembers it fresh. "That was twenty-one years ago, and he was the smartest kid I've ever seen." Professor Mo put on reading glasses and looked for information on the bookshelf. "Found it!" He took out a yellowed notebook and turned to a page. "I recorded the situation of the day." Professor Mo said: "He can calculate the cube root of 3,869,893 is 157 within one minute. He can even mentally calculate the eighth power of 3,404,825,447 The root is 23! He was only eight years old at the time. His IQ will definitely not be less than two hundred." "Do you know where he is now?" "He immigrated to the United States with his family when he was eleven years old. I heard that he was admitted to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology when he was fourteen. I don't know what happened after that." Do you want to go to the United States to find him?I can't help but feel discouraged. I asked Professor Mo, "What are the characteristics of a child prodigy?" Professor Mo took off his presbyopic glasses and said: "They usually also have amazing memory, and the recall speed is extremely fast. Their world is beyond our comprehension." "Then, why would a child prodigy suddenly lose his magical powers and become an ordinary person?" "I don't know about this. Maybe, when a person grows up, his thoughts become complicated and his mind is no longer clear, so he can't focus as much as when he was a child. When they were young, they were a magnifying glass, seeing everything clearly than others. If it gets bigger, the magnifying glass will be flattened, so there is nothing special about it.” Professor Mo said. However, Han Xingyu is luckier than Li Ximing after all.He was admitted to university at the age of fourteen, which proved that his life would be very extraordinary, and God especially favored him. "So it's here! I took a photo with the two of them that day." Professor Mo found a yellowed wooden photo frame among a pile of old documents. In the photo, the one standing on the left of Professor Mo is Li Ximing, and the one on the right is Han Xingyu.He is a little taller than Li Ximing, with the same shy look, big eyes, and naturally curly hair. Where is he? I called the United States to investigate, and found out that Han Xingyu was admitted to university at the age of fourteen.When he graduated from the doctoral class, he was the youngest doctor in the class, and he has always received a scholarship. However, the more surprising discovery was that he had returned to Hong Kong two years ago. Is he in Hong Kong? I checked the phone book and couldn't find a user registered under his name.Where is he?Should I go to the newspaper to find out the whereabouts of this child prodigy? That day, when she met Zhu Dizhi in the coffee shop near the law firm, she thought of a way to find Han Xingyu. "Maybe he has bought and sold houses in the past two years, I can go back to the law firm to check." She said. "Do you want to know what has become of him, too?" I asked. "It's to help you write that child prodigy story! Of course, I also want to know what happened to another child prodigy." "If you had a choice, would you rather be Han Xingyu or Li Ximing?" "That's needless to say? Of course it's Han Xingyu." "However, it is unfair to Li Ximing to write from this angle. He is very happy and satisfied now." Zhu Dizhi propped his head on his hands, and said while fantasizing: "Yes! Han Xingyu may be very unhappy now!" "Actually, you are also a child prodigy!" I said. She jumped up excitedly: "Really? Really? I know this myself." "You were only fourteen years old, and you have already started to fall in love, which is equivalent to ten years old now. You are especially talented in sex, so what are you if you are not a sex prodigy?" I teased her. She pouted and said, "You are exaggerating! Don't tell Chen Qi that I started dating when I was fourteen." "How did you tell him?" "I told him he was my second man." "Isn't it impossible to be the first one?" I said. "That's right! Actually, I didn't lie, he was the first man I loved. When I met him, I realized that the past was not love at all, and it was not worth mentioning again. If you love someone, you will love yourself .Study is very difficult. I once thought of giving up. However, I knew I had to make progress. He made me live with dignity." She finally found consummate love.But, something was different later on.Love always has regrets.It's not just the moonlight that is cloudy or cloudy. "Do you think you will find Han Xingyu?" Zhu Dizhi asked me. "I'll find him!" I don't know where the feeling came from, I believe I will find him sooner or later. "When you finally find this child prodigy, he may have turned into an old man in sixties." Better not? While waiting for the news, I read some books on gifted children and several novels featuring gifted children.Gifted children seem to be unhappy.But aren't ordinary people unhappy too?I thought of Mozart, not the poor goose, but the genius Mozart.He died at thirty-five, perhaps for good.He will never have the opportunity to see his talent suddenly disappear without a trace one day.On the day of his death, he has not been demoted to the mortal world.God loves him so much. Judy's side has been unable to find a clue. Didn't Han Xingyu study computer?Since he came back to Hong Kong, he should also be doing computer-related work, right?Prodigy is a computer with human nature. Is there any industry more suitable for them than computer?Why didn't I think of it? I checked the information of all computer companies, and the targets were concentrated in large-scale computer companies.Finally, I found him.When the telephone operator said: "We have a Mr. Han Xingyu here." At that moment, I was so excited that I jumped into the air. His secretary said: "Mr. Han went to the playground." Could it be that his mental age is still at ten years old? I have left my contact information.The next day, I received a call from Han Xingyu, his voice was hearty and cheerful. I put it bluntly: "I want to do an interview with you." "What's it about?" he asked. "A child prodigy story," I said. He laughed on the other end of the phone and readily agreed.I came to his office that day. I thought child prodigies would look older than their peers when they grow up.However, Han Xingyu standing in front of me looked childish and polite.He had big eyes, just like in the photo, but the natural curly hair was missing, maybe cut off.He is now the president of this well-established computer company.I found out that he is left-handed, but Li Ximing is not.Are right-brained lefties really smarter? "How do you know about me?" Han Xingyu asked me curiously. "I have met Professor Mo." I said. "Oh, how is Professor Mo?" "He's retired, but he has a deep impression on you." "He has the most delicious chocolate chip cookies, made by his wife. I went to experiment on him because of those cookies." Han Xingyu recalled with a smile.What he misses the most is not that he was able to calculate the cube root of a seven-digit number and the eighth root of a ten-digit number in one minute at the age of eight, but the chocolate chip cookie of the professor's wife. "Li Ximing also misses those cookies the most." I said with a smile. "Have you met Li Ximing? How is he now?" "He worked as a messenger in the law firm where my friend worked. At the age of eleven, his talent suddenly disappeared and he became an ordinary person." "Is your story about comparing the two of us together? That's not very good." He asked with concern. I used to think he would be a weirdo, but his intelligence didn't make him ruthless and proud. "There is no comparison between people, and I don't intend to do so." I said, "Li Ximing is living happily now, and he doesn't miss the days of being a child prodigy. What I want to write is the story of two children who are considered geniuses." Grow and dream." "Okay! I accept your interview," he said. He asked me again: "How did you find me?" "It was a tortuous process," I said. I roughly told him the process of looking for him. "Two years ago, I wasn't in the industry," he said. "Where are you?" "President of a foreign bank on Wall Street." "You were only twenty-six years old at that time, would your subordinates take orders from such a young president?" He smiled: "I pretended to be thirty years old at the time." "Why did you go to Wall Street? You're studying computers." "I'm going to learn about money." "learn?" "Understanding the operation of funds, you can do a good job in the computer business in the future. If you can't find investors, what a great dream you can't realize." "So, what is your dream?" I asked. "We are now working hard to develop a software for the information superhighway." The so-called information superhighway is what we later came to know as the Internet.In 1994, the term Internet was not yet popular. "By then, the world will have changed drastically. The distances in the world will have shrunk, and knowledge will have been free." "So, what you want to do is—" "Online university." He said, "Everyone can get knowledge online." He said confidently. "Why did you come back to Hong Kong? Isn't it better to develop in the United States?" "I want to do something for the Chinese. In the future, online universities will develop in mainland China." He was full of longing, but I felt thrilled.What a superhighway is this?In the small city of Hong Kong, ideals are extravagant, but this person in front of me is fighting for his ideals. "Maybe I'll fail," he said. "If you don't have an ideal life, isn't it also a failure?" I said. "Do you like Don Quixote?" he asked. I wanted to say that I read Cervantes' novel when I was in high school, when I was eleven years old, who would have known that he said: "When I first read it when I was six years old, I fell in love with him. He may be a lunatic, but I like his spirit. People sometimes have to dream the unrealizable dream." We talked a lot about his work.Finally, I asked him: "Is the life of a child prodigy happy?" "University is the happiest time," he said. "why?" "I went to college when I was fourteen, and all the female classmates were four or five years older than me. They treated me like a child and wouldn't date me," he said with a smile. "Is your current mental age also twenty-nine?" I asked. "Why do you ask that?" "Your secretary said yesterday that you went to the playground." "Yes, I'm going to think about things." "Going to the playground to think about something?" "I didn't go to a playground as a kid," he said. "I didn't get along with other kids. To prove that I was different, I insisted that going to a playground was too childish. When I grew up, I realized that I had lost something. what." "What kind of game do you like to play?" "Merry-go-round," he said with a childish smile. "Me too!" I said excitedly. "The most fun carousels are those in Europe that go around with mobile playgrounds. There is no fixed address and opening time. When you encounter a carousel while driving, you can immediately park the car aside to play. There is a kind of chance encounter. Surprise.” During the entire interview, this was the most childlike moment I saw him. "Why do you like to play?" he asked me. "I like how it never stops," I said. "But the music will stop," he said. "Yes, that was when I lost the most. But the music will definitely come back again," I said. That's why I love carousels.It is a never-ending land, never ending, always complete.If life is like this, how good would it be? However, life always requires us to appreciate the perfection in regret.isn't it?We appreciate the happiness of being together from the missing of separation.We appreciate the preciousness of loyalty from the pain of being betrayed.We appreciate the affection of staying together forever from the sadness of broken love. At that moment, I didn't expect that in the process of pursuing Han Xingyu and getting acquainted with him, I also encountered a land of never. Since that visit, I haven't seen Han Xingyu again.Then one day, we met again. That night, Judy and I went to the movies.After the scene, I ran into Han Xingyu who had just finished watching the movie.Beside him was a short-haired, spectacled, petite girl who seemed to be his girlfriend. He came up to me and said: "Your interview was well written." "Thank you." I said. "It's emotional," he said. We said goodbye and he hurried away. "Is he that Han Xingyu?" Zhu Dizhi asked me. I nodded. "His appearance and conversation are no different from ordinary people!" Zhu Dizhi said. "When a prodigy grows up, he is also an ordinary person and will not become an alien." "Yes! Although you say I am a sex prodigy, I will not have four breasts when I grow up. I will still fall in love just like other women." "His girlfriend looks smart too!" I said. "Could she also be a child prodigy?" Zhu Dizhi said. "If two people are so smart, they won't fall in love! A smart person will love himself a little more, and only a fool will love each other more than himself." "Then we're all stupid." "Among the three of us, Shen Guanghui is the smartest?" "Of course! She never loved people too much." Zhu Dizhi asked me again: "Why are you always alone recently, where is Lin Fangwen?" "He's very busy. Gomel's new record is being recorded, and all the lyrics are written by him. If he has time, he will also go diving." "Who are you diving with?" "With Gomel." "They are together every day, aren't you afraid?" "That's work!" While I say that, I'm not the least bit concerned. "Is Gomel smart or stupid?" Judy asked me. "She's not very bright." "That would be bad!" "why?" "Then she will love each other a little more, and she will give more." "It's not stupid to carry her!" "That's even worse!" "why?" "That's the elusive thing. Sometimes she loves each other very much, and sometimes she loves herself very much." "What about me? Am I elusive?" I asked. "You? You are so infatuated, Lin Fangwen can nail you to the wall with just one nail." "Infatuation is out of fashion," I said. "You were never a pop character," she said. "So what's popular now?" "Just be responsible for how you feel and be true to yourself only." "Is it the same with you and Chen Qizheng? Didn't you say that you love him very much? You are not popular either." "But, I'm a little bit more popular than you." "Is Gomel twenty?" she asked. "Ok." "However, you are already twenty-six years old." "You mean to say I'm older than she, don't you?" "Men like young girls." "Twenty-six is ​​not old." "There will always be girls younger than us." "There will always be men younger than us," I said. "But then we may be too old to be loved by them. Men are different, they will never be too old to be loved by a young girl." Will Lin Fangwen fall in love with Gomel because she is younger than me?The Lin Fangwen I know is not such a person.If he'll fall for someone else it's because he's too true to his feelings and he's an idiot too. That night, after breaking up with Zhu Dizhi, I didn't go home, I went to Lin Fangwen's. He hasn't come back yet, I lie on his bed, hugging his pillow, thinking deeply about his body temperature.If you love someone, shouldn't you trust him?Isn't it said that there is no fear in love?why should i be afraid At midnight, he came back. "Are you here?" He stood by the bed and asked me gently. I stood up and threw myself on top of him, locking him tightly with my hands and feet. Frightened by my sudden enthusiasm, he hugged me and asked, "What are you doing?" "Are you smart or dumb?" I asked. He didn't answer me, and I didn't tell him why I asked.His body has the body temperature that I miss all night.His love has never been absent.How could he leave me? Some women will deliberately develop friendships with all the women around their boyfriends.Once we became good friends, those women were too embarrassed to fall in love with their boyfriends.The infrared security system is set up around their boyfriends.Who can say that this is not a kind of affectionate?It took a lot of hard work and love for him to do this. I can be friends with Gomel too.But I'm not that kind of person at all.Besides, what woman can guarantee that her best friend will not fall in love with her boyfriend? Love without a sense of security is tiring.I would look down on myself for it. Zhu Dizhi asked me if I could ask Ge Mier to sing in Chen Qizheng's school.The middle school that Chen Qizheng teaches specially accepts students with emotional and behavioral problems.Those students come from very complicated families, and with a little love, they couldn't teach there.Chen Qizheng is a very popular teacher.How can I say no to this teacher? I called Gemeler, and she readily agreed. "I read the story of the two child prodigies you wrote, it's very interesting!" she said on the other end of the phone. "Thank you." "I also love chocolate chip cookies, but I'm not a child prodigy. The chocolate chip cookies made by Weiwei are also delicious. I haven't eaten anything good since he left." Does she still miss Weiwei?My heart suddenly became firm. Is it really because of Chen Qizheng that I am looking for her?Or am I like those women who want to be friends with women who have the chance to be rivals?Even I can't be sure. The night Gomel came to sing at school, Judy and I went too.She is radiant on stage and has an attractiveness that other girls don't have.She can sing Lin Fangwen's songs with the most perfect voice and emotion, which I will never be able to do for him. I sit in the first row.That night, Gemel wore a pair of shiny shorts, and the tattoo of Linus on her left ankle was also dancing with her body. "She has a tattoo on her foot! It's Linus." Judy who was sitting beside me said. "Yes, it's Linus," I said. Does Gemel like boys like Linus?Never grow up, full of wisdom but insecure.I was suddenly afraid, why wasn't there Snoopy or Charlie Brown on her ankle?Lin Fangwen has never been these two characters: he is Linus. There was a full moon in the sky, and after the show, I went back in Gomel's car.She leaned out of the window, looked at the moonlight and said: "In Fiji, every night when the moon is full, people will go to the beach to catch crabs and flounder, and then hold a sumptuous feast." "Why on a full moon night?" "Because only at night when the moon is full, crabs will crawl to the beach in large numbers, and flounder will swim to shallow water." "Will they meet there? Crabs and flounder." "No one knows!" she said. Perhaps, both the crab and the flounder have made an appointment with their lovers to meet on the beach every full moon.They don't know that the moon is death's call to them.Or maybe, they are not ignorant, but in order to meet their loved ones, even if they die, they are willing to take risks. The night Lin Fangwen and I walked together again was New Year's Eve in 1992.He asked me to meet in Lan Kwai Fong, but I didn't go.As a result, he came to my house.I didn't know until the next day that we had escaped a catastrophe.On the night of New Year's Eve, a tragedy of trampled people happened there.Many young people were summoned by death at the moment when they greeted the new year with joy.One of the dead men protected his wife in his arms with his flesh and blood.He crouched behind her, letting others step on him.He died and his wife survived.He saved her with his life.On that dreadful night, the love of his love blossomed all over the blood-red ground. I often think, if Lin Fangwen and I were there that night, would he sacrifice himself to save me?Does anyone know?Every woman has also asked in her heart, will the man she loves die for her?Until that moment, who can guarantee it? Maybe, we shouldn't expect that moment to come.We would rather be safe and happy for the rest of our lives, and always believe that the one we love will give up his life for himself.It is enough to believe in this way. It is better not to seek proof of the depth of love. Gemel suddenly asked me: "Have you ever seen a bread tree?" "I've seen it." I said. She said: "In Fiji, there are bread trees everywhere. After we pick the fruits, we put them into the earth cave together with crabs, flounder and seafood to roast. After roasting, they are delicious! I really want to eat bread trees , Hong Kong doesn’t have it, right?” I smiled: "There are only bread and trees here." "What a pity!" she said with a look of disappointment on her face. Is the fruit of the bread tree really so delicious?What Gemel misses may not be the bread tree, but her second hometown.Didn't Weiwei say that he felt nostalgic twice in the future? "If you go back to Fiji, I'll bring back a bread tree fruit for you to eat! The biggest fruit is as big as a watermelon!" She gestured with her hands. At that moment, I actually wanted to say to her: "Then go back to Fiji quickly! It's best not to come back!" How cowardly am I?I don't have the guts to prove the depth of love. Gemel said: "Wei Wei had a friend who was killed by a fruit that fell from the bread tree! That is a very rare accident!" "Are the fruits of the bread tree so heavy?" I was taken aback. "That is the biggest fruit that is rare to see in a thousand years!" She said, "That day, when he was talking with his girlfriend under the bread tree, a huge fruit suddenly fell and hit him impartially. Before he died, he just said to her: 'I will love you forever.' Unexpectedly, he died after he finished speaking. Those were the last words he said in this world." "If you die, it's really forever," I said. "Yes. He has no chance of loving another woman." "I will love you forever!" Is it a lie or a curse?I think of Newton.On a moonlit night, Newton was sitting under an apple tree meditating, and was hit by a falling apple, and discovered the force of gravity and universal gravitation.Would it have been a different ending if Newton had been sitting under a bread tree that day?How unfair is God?The one who sat under the apple tree became a great scientist.The one who swore under the bread tree became a lonely ghost.Did God tell men and women not to believe in eternal love? "Do you like Linus's?" I asked Gomel. "Oh, yes! I like him best in Peanuts!" "Don't you think he's too insecure?" "Maybe it's because I'm so insecure that I'm not afraid," she said. Love is about finding a lost part of yourself, reuniting, and finding completeness and fulfillment.Is the insecure person falling in love with the insecure reuniting with the lost part? Which part did I combine with Lin Fangwen? Gomel said, "Didn't I tell you that the native Fijians have a magic that makes a man stay with a woman forever?" "You said you lied to me." "It's not all about lying to you." "Is there really such a spell?" "That's not magic, it's a superstition." She said, "A long time ago, Fijian indigenous people would hold a coming-of-age ceremony for girls over the age of seven. The so-called coming-of-age ceremony was sharpened by a hereditary female tattoo artist. shells or wood to tattoo girls' buttocks." "What pattern is it?" "Just like the patterns on ceramics, they are the daily life of Fijians, such as fishing and feasting." "Isn't that painful?" "Yes! Some girls will scream all night, and some girls can't bear it at all. Girls who have completed the rite of passage will have two dots or a crescent moon tattooed on the corners of their mouths as a mark. The natives of Fiji believe that tattoos on the buttocks It will make girls forever beautiful and sexy, and will make men fall in love with them in the future." "It's terrible to exchange my butt for a man's love!" I touched my butt through my pants. Fortunately, it was tender and smooth. Gemel clasped her ankles with both hands and said, "All spells are thrilling." Yes, all the spells to capture lovers are all burn together, mutual generation and mutual destruction.We exchange love for love, affection for affection, and happiness for happiness; maybe we can get it, maybe we can’t.Crabs and flounder climb up the beach on moonlit nights and become food in people's pots.If they don't die, it can be exchanged for a happy evening. When we broke up, Gomel asked me: "Do you think you are happy?" I smiled and nodded. Later, I regretted it a bit.Happiness should not be shown off.If you show off, you may be shattered.At that time, what can I use to exchange for my happiness? Gomel's record came out.The lyrics of the entire record were written by Lin Fangwen.Those songs were so popular that they were played on the radio every day.Record sales also broke her own records. At the victory ceremony, Gemeler publicly said: "I want to thank Lin Fangwen, without him, there would be no me. Thank you for writing such touching lyrics for me. This is my happiness." Lin Fangwen did not appear at the victory celebration, he almost never attended such occasions.It doesn't matter if he didn't go, everyone said that he and Gemeler are golden couples. Golden boy and jade girl, isn't it me and him? The moment I saw this piece of entertainment news in the newspaper office, my heart was filled with a sour feeling.I'm proud of his success; but, what girl would like her boyfriend to be a golden boy with another girl?This is hard to accept, right? When I was full of sadness, Lin Fangwen called. "Where are you?" His voice was cheerful. I was jealous when I heard his voice. "Didn't you say you went diving today?" I asked. "I'm on the boat, I'll jump off in a moment," he said. "Why don't you jump quickly?" I said coldly. "Why so fast?" he asked with a smile. "The sharks in the sea are very hungry!" I said. "Do you want me to be eaten by a shark?" "I can't ask for more." "Do you hate me that much?" "I hate it!" "why?" "Do you need a reason to hate you?" "That will always make me die in peace!" "I hate you because you are too hateful!" "You never loved me, right?" He asked me deliberately pretending to be pitiful. “谁爱过你？” “既然你从来没有爱过我，你为什么和我睡？” “你想知道理由吗？” "Ok." “难道你自己看不出来的吗？你不过是我的泄欲工具！”我笑呵呵的说。 “做了你的泄欲工具那么多年，你总会对我有点感情吧？” “有是有的，就是对于泄欲工具的感情。” “万一我给鲨鱼吃掉了，你便连个泄欲工具也没有。” “那没关系，反正我已经厌倦了你。”我说。 “你怎可以厌倦了我呢？我还没有厌倦你呀！” “那可不关我的事！首先厌倦对方的，当然是占上风的了。” “难道你不需要我吗？” “我怎会需要你？我们又不是金童玉女！”我故意那样说。 “那我们是什么？是东邪西毒吗？” “是南杏北杏！”我没好气的说。 “什么南杏北杏？” “就是南杏仁和北杏仁。” “杏仁？就是两个心呀！”他高兴的说。 “吃多了便会中毒！根本我不是你什么人！你也不是我什么人！” “你真是没良心！” “你现在才知道吗？那你还不快点跳下去！” “那我跳了！也许你以后再也见不到我。” “但愿如此！” “我跳了！”他悲伤的说。 电话真的挂断了。我连续打了很多次，他没有再接电话。 他真的跳了下去吗？他当然知道我是跟他闹着玩的。海里的鲨鱼却不会闹着玩。他会遇到鲨鱼吗？会有其他意外吗？我很后悔那样诅咒他。他不是我的泄欲工具。他是我的爱和欲，他不可以死。 那个时候，我不知道多么后悔跟他开那样的玩笑。他不回来了怎么办？直到黄昏，我才终于找到他。 “你在哪里？”我问他。 “在船上，刚刚从水里上来的。你找我有事吗？”他气定神闲的说。 “看看你有没有给鲨鱼吃掉？” “你现在很失望吧？” “是的，失望极了。” “你对我真的是有欲无情吗？” "of course." “我可以来找你吗？” “你找我干什么？我根本不想见到你。” “但是，我想见你。” “你为什么要见我？” “就是要做你的泄欲工具。”他嬉皮笑脸的说。 “我不要你。”我说。 那天晚上，他来了，脸和脖子晒得红通通的。我们并没有分离；然而，那一刻，当他安然无恙的站在我面前，我竟然有着在茫茫人海中跟他重逢的感觉。也许，曾经有千分之一或者万分之一的机会，他遇到了意外，我们便再也没法相见。我整整一天惦念着他，牵肠挂肚，都是自己作的孽。女人要是诅咒自己所爱的人，最终受到惩罚的，原来还是她自己。 “你不想见我吗？”他问。 “谁要见你？”我说。 “既然不想见我，那就合上眼睛吧。” “为什么要合上眼睛？” “那就再见不到我了！快点！” 我唯有合上眼睛。他拉着我的两条手腕，我的双手突然感到一陈冰凉，他把一个小小的圆球放在我手里。我张开眼睛，看到我手上的一颗风景水晶球。 “送给你的。”他说。 那不是我们童年时常常玩的东西吗？不是已经绝迹了吗？ 水晶球里面嵌着海底的风景。牛奶蓝色的珊瑚礁、绿色的海藻和黄色的潜艇，在水波里飘浮。几只纸折的、彩色的鱼儿轻盈地飞舞，缓慢而慵懒，在水色里流转。水晶球里，空气便是水，明净而清澈。我小时候也拥有过一个风景玻璃球，水液流波里，是古堡和雪景，雪花纷飞飘落，永远的重复着。那是童年时一个美好的回忆。玻璃球里，一切景物都是永恒的，让我们遗忘了变迁。 “这个水晶球，是可以许愿的吗？”我把它放在眼前。 “你想的话，为什么不可以？”林方文说。 “为什么要送这个给我？” “让你也看看海底的风景。” “你看到的海底和我看到的海底是一样的吗？” “只是没有潜艇。” “也没有鲨鱼？” "yes." “那太好了。”我说。 “那潜水员呢？”我问。 “躲起来了。”他俏皮的说。 我把水晶球从左手掉到右手，又从右手掉到左手，它在我手里流转。如果真的可以许愿，我要许一个什么愿呢？是永不永不说再见的愿望吗？终于，我知道，要永不永不说再见，那是不可能的。 后来有一天晚上，我在铜锣湾闹市里碰到葛米儿，她在那儿拍音乐录影带。水银灯的强光把漆黑的街道照亮了，工作人员利用一辆水车制造出滂沱大雨的场景。那里围了很多人，我走到人群前面，想跟她打招呼。她正低着头用一条毛巾抹脸，当她抬头看见了我，她迟疑了一会才走过来。 “很久不见了！”她热情的说。她的热情，却好像是要掩饰刚才的犹豫。 “拍完了吗？”我问。 “还没有呢！看来要拍到半夜。”她说。 一阵沉默之后，导演把她叫了过去。 她在雨中高唱林方文的歌，水珠洒在我身上，我悄悄的穿过人群离开了。 回家的路上，见面的那一幕，在我脑海里重演又重演。看到我的时候，葛米儿为什么有片刻的迟疑呢？她好像是在心里说：“喔，为什么要碰到她呢？”从前每次见面，我们也有说不完的话题；这天晚上，我们之间，却似乎相隔了一片云海。是她太累了，还是她在回避我？ 睡觉的时候，我把那个风景水晶球抱在手里；时光流水，双掌之间，有着幸福的感觉。这一切是假的吗？水深之处，是不是有我不知道的秘密？林方文说的，彻底的盲目，才有彻底的幸福。在那个漫长而痛苦的夜晚，我多么讨厌自己是一个太敏感的人？ “请给我一杯草莓冰淇淋。”我跟年轻的女服务生说。 这个小眼睛、圆脸孔的女孩子，带着灿烂的微笑问我： “在这里吃，还是带走的？” “在这里吃的。”我说。 下班之后，我一个人跑到浅水湾这家麦当奴餐厅吃草莓冰淇淋。平常我是不会一个人跑到这么远的地方的，而且只是为了吃一杯草莓冰淇淋。可是，那天晚上，我就是想这样。 从前，我是不太爱吃甜的；然而，那段日子，我忽然爱上了甜的东西。所有甜的味道，似乎总是能够让人感到幸福的吧？砒霜好像也是甜的。 童年时，我听过一个关于砒霜的故事。听说，有一个人吞砒霜自杀，临死之前，他在墙上写了一个字母S。这个S，到底是sweet还是sour呢？没有人知道，砒霜是甜还是酸的，永远是一个谜。也许，那个S并不是sweet或sour，而是smile或者stupid。那人是含笑饮砒霜。不管怎样，我想，砒霜是甜的，否则怎会含笑而饮？所有毒药都应该是甜的。 已经是冬天了，沙滩上只有几个人，也许都是来看日落的。日已西沉，他们也留下来等待星星和月亮。 上大学时，最刺激的事便是跟林方文一起逃课来这里吃汉堡包。怀着逃课的内疚，从香港大学老远的跑到浅水湾来，不过是为了吃一个汉堡包。这里卖的汉堡包跟市区的并没有分别；不一样的，是这里的风景和心情。我们常常拿着汉堡包和汽水在沙滩上等待一个黄昏。那个时候，快乐是多么的简单？ 夜已深了，餐厅里，只是零零星星的坐着几对亲昵的情侣，格外显得我的孤独。偶尔抬头的一刻，我发现一个女孩子跟我遥遥相对，也是一个人在吃草莓冰淇淋。她看到了我，微微的跟我点了点头。 她不就是韩星宇的女朋友吗？我们在电影院外面见过了。 她为什么会一个人在这里？ 她身上穿着黑色的裙子，旁边放着一件灰色的大衣和一个黑色的手提包，看来是刚刚下班的样子。这一身庄重的打扮跟她手上那杯傻气的冰淇淋毫不相配。那张聪颖的脸孔上，带着苦涩的寂寞，跟那天在韩星宇身边的一脸幸福，是完全两样。她为什么来这里呢？原来除了我之外，还有人是特地来浅水湾吃草莓冰淇淋的吗？那是怎样的心情？ 我也微笑的跟她点了点头。我们并不认识，也不知道彼此的心事，素昧平生。然而，在目光相遇的那一刻，却有着相同的落寞。她是失恋了么？还是依旧在情爱的困顿中打转？ 今夜，月是弯的。我看到的月光，跟林方文看到的还是一样的吗？从前的快乐和背叛总是千百次的在我心里回荡。他是我一直向往的人。他是不是又再一次欺骗我？人有想象是多么的无奈？想象强化了痛苦，使痛苦无边无涯，如同我这刻看不见海的对岸。 漫长的时光里，跟我遥远相对的那个女孩子，也和我一样，低着头沉默地吃着手里那杯久已融掉了的冰淇淋。当我看不见她时，她是在看我吗？我好像在她身上看到了我自己，她是不是也在我身上找到了一种同病相怜的慰藉？我们那么年轻，在这样的晚上，不是应该和心爱的人一起追寻快乐的吗？为什么竟要流浪到这个地方，落寞至此？我们由于某种因缘际会而在这里相逢，是命运的安排吗？ 最后，店里只剩下我们两个人，形影相吊。月是缺的，是要我们在遗憾里怀缅圆满的日子吗？ “请你给我一个汉堡包。”我跟那位年轻的女服务生说。 她依旧带着灿烂的微笑问我：“在这里吃，还是要带走的？” “带走的。”我说。 风很冷，我把那个温热的汉堡包抱在怀里。我要带去给林方文吃，给他一个惊喜。这不是一般的汉堡包，这是浅水湾的汉堡包，带着浅水湾的气息和心情，也带着我们从前的回忆。 下车之后，要走一小段路才到。我愉快地走在风中，也许，待会他会告诉我，一切都是我自己的幻想，根本从来没有发生。 然而，我终于知道这一切不是我的幻想。 我在那座公寓外面见到葛米儿。她穿着鸭绿色的羊毛衣和牛仔裤，身上斜挂着一个小巧的皮包，从公寓里神采飞扬的走出来，那张微红的脸上带着愉快的神色。那种姿态心情不像是来探访一位朋友，而更像是探访一位情人。由于心情太愉快了，嘴巴也不自觉的在微笑，回味着某个幸福的时刻，以至跟我擦肩而过也没有来得及发现我的存在。那股在我身边飘飞的味道，竟仿佛也带着林方文的味道。 我多么渴望眼前的一切只是幻觉？然而，当我发现葛米儿把身上那件鸭绿色的羊毛衣穿反了，牌子钉在外面，我沉痛地知道，一切都是真实的。 把羊毛衣穿反了，也许不代表什么。我也有过这样的经验，在朋友家里玩，因为觉得热而把外衣脱下来，穿回去的时候，却不小心穿反了。葛米儿也是这样吗？有谁知道呢？我想，应该是这样的吧？那又不是内衣。我又没看见他的内衣穿反了。 我打开门的时候，林方文正好站在那个小小的阳台上，他转过头来，看到我时，脸上闪过了一丝愕然的神色。他站在那里干什么？是要目送别人离去吗？ “你来了吗？”他说。 我望着他眼睛的深处说：“我在楼下见到葛米儿。” “她来借唱片。” 说这句话时，他看来是多么的稀松平常？然而，他的眼睛却告诉了我，他在说谎。 “是吗？”我说。 他若无其事的坐下来。 忽然之间，所有悲伤的感觉都涌上眼睛了。我以为林方文是我最熟知的人，结果，他却是我从不相识的人。 我了解他么？他深爱着我么？这一切一切，仿佛多么的遥远。 他为什么要骗我？葛米儿身上那个小皮包，根本放不下一张唱片，她的羊毛衣也没有口袋，她手上并没有拿着任何东西。 “你是不是爱上了她？”我问林方文。 “你的想像力太丰富了。”他还在否认。 “不是这么简单的吧？”我盯着他说。 而他，居然沉默了。 “你为什么要这样对我？” 他还给我的，依然是一片沉默。 “你这个骗子！”我把汉堡包掷向他。 他走过来捉住我的胳膊，说：“你不要胡思乱想好吗？” 我推开他，向他吼叫：“你可以伤害我，但请你不要再侮辱我的智慧！” 他站在那里，一句话也不说。 “你是不会为我改变的吧？”我流着泪问他。 没等他回答，我说：“如果是这样，我们为什么要重新开始呢？” 爱火，还是不应该重燃的。Rekindled, those beautiful memories of the past will also disappear.如果我们没有重聚，也许，我会带着对他深深的思念活着，直到肉体衰朽；可是，这一刻，我却恨他。所有的美好的日子，已经远远一去不可回了。 我哭着骂他：“没有人比你更会说谎！什么为我写一辈子的除夕之歌，根本是骗我的！林方文，你太卑鄙了！从今以后，我不想再见到你！” 他拉着我的手求我：“留下来好吗？” 我告诉他我不可以，因为我不会说谎。 我从他家里走出来，卑微地蹲在楼梯底下哀哀痛哭。为什么我爱的男人是无法对女人忠心的？我只能够接受他而无法改变他吗？ 家里的电话不停的响，我坐在电话机旁边，听着这种悲伤的声音一次又一次的落空了。我竟比我自己想像的坚强。也许，只有彻底的绝望，才能够换到彻底的坚强。上帝有多么的仁慈？同一个人，是没法给你相同的痛苦的。当他重复地伤害你，那个伤口已经习惯了，感觉已经麻木了，无论在给他伤害多少次，也远远不如第一次爱的伤那么痛了。 多少年来，我爱着的是回忆里的林方文吗？他是我在青涩岁月里的初恋，他是我第一个男人。每一次，当他伤害我，我会用过去那些美好的回忆来原谅他。然而，再美的回忆也有用完的一天。到了最后，只剩下回忆的残骸，一切都变成了折磨。 也许，我的确是从来不认识他的。 英文书店里那些失恋手册全都是印刷得非常精美的，许多还配上可爱的插图。除了失恋手册之外，还有一套五十二张失恋扑克，提供五十二个有效的方法，帮你度过失恋的日子。 失恋，原来也是一种商品。 为什么世上只有性商店而没有失恋商店呢？市场既然为大家提供了性爱的慰藉，也该同时提供失恋的慰藉，才是公平的。也许，商人们太知道了，失恋虽然是一种商品，却没有太多人会快乐地抢购。 只有我，抱着一大堆失恋手册离开，用来慰藉自己。 我没有失恋，可是，书店里也没有写给被背叛者的手册。我把书和扑克铺在床上，彻夜拥抱着别人的失恋经验。 这些书为失恋者提供了许多治疗的方法。譬如说：淋浴治疗。那就是穿着衣服洗澡。 我已经照做了。我穿着我最喜欢的一件黑色羊毛大衣洗澡，那是我花了大半个月的薪水买的，只穿过两次。从此以后，这件只能干洗的大衣不能再穿了。破坏，原来是非常痛快的。难怪有些人会带着罪恶感去破坏别人对他的爱和信任。 然而，另一个方法却不适合我，那是情歌治疗。作者说，她会选一首悲伤的情歌跟着唱，然后放声的痛哭。发泄了，也就会好过一点。这个方法，对我是不行的。最悲伤的歌，不就是林方文写的歌吗？他曾经抚慰了多少在爱情中受创的心灵？对我，却是残忍的折磨。更何况，那些歌是葛米儿唱的。 我发觉所有的失恋手册也不约而同地提出一个治疗方法，那就是：让它过去吧！ 谁不知道这是最好的方法，可是，这是不容易做到的吧？ 最后，我找到了自己的方法，那就是甜点治疗。 除了砒霜之外，我疯狂地吃甜点。 吃到甜的味道时，的确有片刻幸福的感觉；反正，幸福也不过是虚幻的。 失恋手册建议的治疗方法，还包括友情治疗和凭吊治疗。 友情治疗一向是最有用的，朱迪之和沈光蕙陪我度过了不少艰难的时刻，我也同样陪过她们。女人之间的友情，往往是因为失恋而滋长的。 所谓凭吊治疗却悲情许多。为了一解思念的痛楚，唯有去凭吊已逝的爱。比方说：每次想起他，便在他的房子外面徘徊，回味和他一起的时光。又比如说：趁他不在的时候，再一次来到他的家，趴在他的床上，瞻仰爱情的遗容。 我把两个治疗一起用了，只是稍微改良了一下。我要朱迪之开了陈祺正的车子陪我去相思湾。 夜里，朱迪之把车子停在路边，我们在车上守候。 朱迪之一脸疑惑的问我：“你是不是走错了地方？来这里应该是找晦气吧？怎会是凭吊？” 我是来凭吊的。我要让自己死心，不再相信有复活的可能。 寒风凛冽，我们瑟缩在车上。 “不知道葛米儿什么时候才回来？”朱迪之说。 我甚至不知道她会不会回来。也许，她已经住进林方文的家了。 “她回来的时候，你会怎样？”朱迪之问我。 “我像是个会找晦气的人吗？”我说。 “所以我不明白你为什么来这里，你不会要她把男朋友还给你吧？” “放心，这一点尊严，我还是有的。况且，不是林方文不要我，是我不要他。” “复合还是不应该的，那就是等于让对方再伤害自己。所以，我从来不吃回头草；当然，那些回头草也没有来找过我。” 她又说：“我也可以写一本失恋手册。最有效的方法，是新欢治疗。失恋之后，尽快再爱上别人，那才可以忘记从前的那一个。一个女人的情伤，是要由另一个男人来抚慰的。这是我持之有恒的方法。” 我苦笑：“读了那么多治疗方法，我也快要成为专家了。” “她是不是回来了？”朱迪之指着反光镜上的一点光线说。 那点光线愈来愈近，一辆车子缓缓的驶进来，我看见葛米儿坐在车上。那一刻，我突然很后悔自己来了，万一给她发现了怎么办？她也许会认为我是个可怜的女人，是来求她离开林方文的。然而，要逃跑也已经太迟了。 葛米儿把车停在屋外。关掉引擎之后，她从车上走下来，到行李厢去拿东西。她口里一直哼着歌，两条手臂轻快地随着身体摇摆。即使是只有一个人的时候，她还是在微笑的，在在告诉身边的人，她是一个沐浴在爱河中的女人。 林方文并没有因为我的离开而离开她吧？ 本来我有点恨她；然而，这一刻，我不觉得她有什么可恨。我能怪她么？要怪的话，只能怪林方文。如果他对我的爱是足够的，又怎会爱上别人？ 也许，我连林方文也不应该怪责。把葛米儿从那个遥远的岛国召唤回来的，不是林方文，而是命运。第一次听到葛米儿的歌声时，林方文是和我一起听的。那个时候，我们怎会想到这个结局？这一切的一切，难道不是命运的安排吗？还有她脚踝上的莱纳斯，不就是一个警号吗？就像电影《凶兆》里，再世投胎的魔鬼，身上不是有三个六字吗？ 葛米儿把行李厢的门合上，拿着一个大包包走进屋子里。屋里的灯亮起来，灯影落在纱帘上，我看见她放下了那个包包。把身上的大衣脱下来，又脱下了裙子，穿着内裤在屋里