Chapter 4 Chapter 4 Missing in the Air

The school is on summer vacation, and I no longer need to do proofreading at the magazine. They asked me to do a character interview, and Li Ying suggested that I interview Lin Fang. "He is a genius in the minds of many women," she said. The magazine staff didn't know that Lin Fangwen was my boyfriend. The interview took place at Lin Fangwen's home, just me and him. "You should treat me as someone who is interviewing you, and answer my questions honestly." I told him. He put his leg on mine, and I pushed him away: "Please don't sexually harass female reporters."

"What's your favorite lyric?" I asked him. ""tomorrow"." "How many songs can I sing for you in my life, from the day we met, those teenage years..." I read it to him. He nods. "Who is this song for?" I think it's for Big Mouth Fianna. He looked at me for a long time, and replied, "A woman." "Who?" "It's not important anymore." "Have you written songs for other women?" "I promised a woman that I would send her a song every New Year's Eve." "Will it be possible?"

"Do your best." "So far, do you have a favorite woman?" "Does this question have to be answered?" "Yes, many people care about your love, because your love songs are very beautiful." "Favorite woman?" He felt melancholy. I gritted my teeth and looked at him, expecting an answer. "I love a woman for a minute, but it doesn't necessarily last." My heart suddenly sank, and I didn't know whether I should be happy for him to tell me the truth, or sad for that truth. I finished the interview and the people at the magazine said my interview was well written and very emotional, of course I wrote an article with two years of relationship and know that he may not always love a woman .Later, I interviewed some people, including a decadent underground band and a decadent painter, so people also became decadent.When Lin Fangwen was not at home, I was like a little woman, packing up for him, washing and ironing his clothes, and staying on the balcony until the lights dimmed. I couldn't wait for him to come back, and I felt a little hopeless.

Guanghui and Sun Weidong are still entangled. I met Sun Weidong recently. He lost a lot of weight and was very haggard. He was torturing himself. Dizhi cut her long hair short, and she said she would forget the past.Wei An often called her, and finally one time, she went to a meeting as promised, and then punched him in the face, she regretted it afterwards, and said that if she wore a ring that day, it would hurt him even more. Dizhi suggested that the three of us should travel to Tokyo together and forget about those men. Guanghui agreed, she wanted to take a breath of fresh air.I originally wanted to tell Lin Fangwen that I was going to Tokyo, and I hoped he would say: "Stay with me, and I will go with you later." However, that night, I stayed at his house alone as usual, and he came back in the early morning , I couldn't help but lose my temper with him.

"You seldom accompany me these days." "You should have a life of your own," he said. "I don't know you more and more. I don't know who you miss most this minute?" "If you care so much, you shouldn't ask me to tell the truth." He ignored it. "You don't love me anymore, do you?" "You always like to be suffocating." "Okay! Then I'll leave here." I opened the door to leave, but he didn't keep me. I told Dizhi that I was going to Tokyo, and I had to go as soon as possible.Two days later, we set off with the tour group. I hope that Lin Fangwen will not find me. If he can't find me, he will miss me.

When we arrived in Tokyo, we stayed in a hotel in Shinjuku, a prosperous place, but I missed a man in Tsim Sha Tsui crazily. We lingered at a toriyaki restaurant in Kabukicho. One of the chefs was a Chinese from Shanghai. He spoke Mandarin to us. He was tall and handsome. Di Zhi stared at him and refused to leave.Sometimes I think Dizhi is a very happy person, she likes someone so easily. "Can I make a long-distance call to Lin Fangwen and tell him that I'm in Tokyo?" I asked Dizhi and Guanghui, "I'm afraid he won't be able to find me." "Don't." Di Zhi said, "Let him be anxious, and he will miss you."

"What's the problem between you and Lin Fangwen?" Guang Hui asked me. "I don't know either. It's okay if I know what's wrong." Back at the hotel, the two of them fell asleep quickly. There was a small balcony outside the room we lived in. I stood on the balcony overlooking Tokyo from the 32nd floor of the hotel. It was bright but strange. I missed Lin Fangwen crazily. At this time, will he stand on the balcony and wait for me? I called him back to Hong Kong, the phone rang twice, and he answered immediately. "it's me." "Where are you?" he asked me anxiously.

"I'm in Tokyo." "Tokyo?" He was taken aback. "Together with Dizhi and Guanghui." "I miss you very much." My heart ached and I couldn't help sobbing. Lin Fangwen and I, one in Tokyo and one in Hong Kong, are 4,000 kilometers away. He was 4,000 kilometers away before he said to me: "I miss you very much." I was crying on the phone, and he asked me anxiously. "Are you crying? Don't cry, tell me something." "Who is your favorite woman this minute?" "Cheng Yun, Cheng Yun, Cheng Yun, Cheng Yun."

"But maybe not the next minute," I said. "You mind that sentence so much?" "Yes. I don't want me to be just a passer-by in your life. You left me once, and there will be a second time." "I came to Tokyo to find you, which hotel are you staying at?" "Don't come, I will be back in six days." At that moment, how I wished that he would come to me immediately from four thousand kilometers away, and give me the warmest love.However, I very cunningly believe that separation will make him love me more, and I will use six days to stimulate this love.

On the second day in Tokyo, we went to Disneyland to play. It was the happiest day, because there was a man four thousand kilometers away who missed me crazily. It turns out that being missed by others is happier than missing others. Back at the hotel at night, I called Lin Fangwen, but no one answered. Could it be that he is on the plane to Tokyo and came to meet me and give me a surprise?However, he doesn't know where I live.If he asked Sun Weidong, Sun would tell him, because Sun knew which hotel we stayed in, and I couldn't sleep all night.On the third day, I intentionally stayed in the hotel and waited, but he didn't show up.On the fourth, fifth, and sixth days, I called back to Hong Kong countless times, but no one answered.

Where did Lin Fangwen go?There have been no accidents on the plane from Hong Kong to Tokyo in the past few days. Could it be that he came to Tokyo but encountered an accident?My heart is disturbed. "I won't travel with you next time. You miss Lin Fangwen all day long, and you can't get excited about anything." Di Zhi scolded me. "Missing is a good feeling! It's a pity that I don't miss Sun Weidong." Guanghui said. "I think the happiest days are when there is nothing to worry about." Di Zhi expressed his feelings. "Yeah, it's not good to miss someone," I said. On the evening of the seventh day, we flew back to Hong Kong, and I bought an off-white pullover sweater for Lin Fangwen.Maybe he didn't come to Tokyo at all, he was still working day and night in the recording studio in Hong Kong, forgetting me as usual, forgetting that I was waiting for him in Tokyo, he said he missed me, just for that minute. After getting off the plane, I walked to Lin Fangwen's house.He opened the door and went in, only to find that he was talking and laughing happily with Qiu Zhengli and the old demon with dark circles. "Are you back?" he asked me. I was very angry: "So you are chatting here, I thought you went to Tokyo to find me." He didn't answer me, always silent. "Why doesn't anyone answer the phone every night?" I asked him. "I've been busy in the recording studio for the past few days and didn't come back until dawn. How can anyone answer the phone at home? I just finished it today." Sure enough, I guessed it right. He was busy with work, forgot about me, and said that he would come to Tokyo to find me, but it was a beautiful lie. I stood there, too angry to speak, Qiu Zhengli and the old demon with dark circles found an excuse to leave, leaving only the two of us.I took out the off-white sweater from my luggage. "This was originally bought for you," I said. I threw the sweater on the floor and trampled on it frantically.He stops me. "Let go!" He pulled me into the bedroom with all his strength, and there were many, many origami airplanes on the bed, at least hundreds of them. "Because of work, I can't go to Tokyo to find you. When I miss you every day, I fold the plane, hoping to fly to you." He said. I suddenly felt very ashamed. I trampled on the sweater I bought for him just now, but he folded hundreds of planes for me in a few days, and the longing spread in the house. "How many planes are there?" I asked him. "I don't know, I haven't counted them." "Let's count together," I said. I counted a total of nine hundred and eighty-six aircraft.During the six days, he folded an average of 164 planes every day and missed me 164 times. "You're back, these planes can go in the trash," he said. "No! I want to keep them. There are nine hundred and eighty-six misses here. If you forget in the future, I will use these nine hundred and eighty-six planes to remind you that you once missed me so much." I found that the first-hand tenant left a small rectangular goldfish bowl with colorful light tubes inside. I put 986 planes into the goldfish bowl, which was just enough to fill it up, and then put the goldfish bowl On the low cabinet, the power supply is connected, and the neon light tube lights up. The plane in the fish tank seems to be flying in the night sky of Tokyo, giving a bird's-eye view of the colorful metropolis. "It's beautiful!" I looked at the plane. Lin Fangwen hugged me tightly and said, "Don't leave without saying goodbye in the future." I don't want to. The last academic year of the university started on a rainy morning. There was no Lin Fangwen in the classroom, and the seat he used to sit was always empty. The first time we met was also in this classroom. He was watching "Dragon Tiger Gate". It happened two years ago, and I regret not being able to graduate with him.I used to be afraid of losing him, but whenever I saw the 986 planes flying over Tokyo in the fish tank, I always believed that he would not leave me. Classes ended early that day, and the rain was still falling. Walking out of the school gate, a woman came out of a private car. It was Lin Fangwen's mother, and the driver was the short middle-aged man. "Miss Cheng." She called me. "Auntie." I was a little surprised, she must not be waiting for me. "Did Lin Fangwen drop out of school? I just went to the dormitory to find him, and they said he moved out before the summer vacation." "Yes. He has a busy job and is developing well." "That's not a reason not to study." She was disappointed. "where does he live?" I don't know if I should tell her. "He told you not to tell me, didn't he?" "No, it's not." "I was going to give this sweater to him, please give it to him for me." She handed something to me. The wind and rain hit her vicissitudes of life, and her big eyes were very depressed.I don't know what to say to comfort her, she ran into the little man's car, kept her head down, the car drove slowly, maybe Lin Fangwen shouldn't hate her, she has the right to choose a man. I went to Lin Fangwen's house with my sweater in my arms, and I found a woman, wearing only a shirt and a pair of black floral bikini underwear, sitting on the sofa, playing the broken violin that Lin Fangwen gave me. , the sound is very harsh. "Who are you?" she asked me. She actually asked me who I was. "I'm Lin Fangwen's friend." I said. "This violin can no longer be played," she said. The woman is short and thin, a bit dry, with dark skin, small eyes and elves, a low nose bridge, two nostrils facing the sky, reflecting each other with a pair of small eyes, forming four holes of similar size on the face.The most beautiful part of her whole body is her two legs, which are disproportionately slender to her height, making her waist appear extremely short, and her chest is as small as two cup lids.Who is she?Why at Lin Fangwen's house? "This is a very good violin." She put the violin on her shoulders and made a gesture of playing the violin, as if there was a song in her heart, and she was very intoxicated in the hall alone. "Unfortunately, I don't know who chopped it down." She looked at Qin and sighed. "It's me." I said. The woman lit a cigarette and said: "I once lived with a violinist in Austria for three years. Of course, during the three years, I had other male companions, but I learned the violin from him. He played the violin The action is very sexy, every time I want to have sex with him immediately. Once, we had a fight, I threw his violin worth a million dollars into the river, and he immediately jumped into the river to rescue his most beloved violin, It's too late." She collapsed on the couch and laughed. Talking about sex to strangers, this kind of woman must have a desire to perform. "Where did Lin Fangwen go?" I asked her. "I woke up and he was gone." wake up?They slept together just now? "I don't know who you are yet?" "Lin Ri. What about you?" "Cheng Yun." "Qingyun? This name sounds really nice." She lit another cigarette, "I'm Lin Fangwen's sister." Lin Fangwen said that he had a sister who inherited his father's character and wandered around. I didn't expect that it was the bold and unrestrained woman in front of me. Her appearance was neither like Lin Fangwen nor Lin's mother. "I'm Lin Fangwen's girlfriend." I said. "I guessed it!" She hugged me enthusiastically. "Your body is so good to hug, my brother must like to hug you too." She made me a little embarrassed. "The cigarette you smoke smells weird." I said. "I just came back from Russia. These are cigarettes smoked by miners. I haven't seen Lin Fangwen for three years. How long have you been with him?" "Two years." "Is my brother a good lover?" "What makes a good lover?" "It is a good lover who can make a woman sad." She picked up a paper airplane from the fish tank, and raised her hand to set the plane out. The plane flew over my head, flew from the hall to the ceiling of the bedroom, and fell slowly. "This is the plane my brother folded," she said. "how do you know?" "Only the plane he folded can fly so high and so far." Lin Fangwen came back with a bag of things. "Towels, toothbrushes and pajamas are here for you." He told Lin Ri. "I slept naked." She said seriously. "That's your Excellency's business, please don't be naked in the hall." Lin Fangwen told her seriously. I handed the sweater to Lin Fangwen. "Your mother told me to give it to you." "Is it the sweater made by my mother?" Lin Ri opened the plastic bag, and found a gray V-neck hand-knit sweater.Lin Ri hugged her in her arms, put her face on the sweater and said, "It's so warm!" "Then I'll leave it to you." Lin Fangwen said nonchalantly. "Okay!" Lin Ri took the sweater for himself. At night, I stayed at Lin Fangwen's house, and Lin Ri slept next door.The moon shadow shines on Lin Fangwen, and I lie on him and share the moon shadow. "Why doesn't your sister look like you?" "She's like Papa." "What does she do?" "Probably a reporter." "You have a good relationship with her, don't you?" After waiting for a long time, he didn't answer me, his breathing became heavy and he slept like a child. There is a knock on the door. "Who?" Lin Ri was wearing a blanket and pushed the door in, and I quickly rolled off Lin Fangwen. "Can I sleep with you?" She had a helpless expression on her face. "Did you sleep naked?" I asked her. She opened the blanket on her body, and she was wearing the pajamas that Lin Fangwen bought for her just now, and I breathed a sigh of relief. "The moonlight is beautiful, but I can't see the moon from the room over there." "The moon is over here," I said. "You sleep on his chest, I sleep on his feet, one half, okay?" She put her head on Lin Fangwen's feet. I lay in front of Lin Fang's bra, and the two of us shared the moonlight and warmth of his body. "Do you love that violinist?" I asked her. "Love. Loved briefly." "But you continued to hang out with other men while you were with him." "Because of death, I don't want to be loyal." Lin Ri said looking at me. "No. It is because of death that I am willing to be faithful," I said. "I'm lonely." She curled up. "Are you missing the violinist, or the other men?" "I met him on the train, we only got together for one day, and I miss him crazily." "Where is he? You can find him." "I don't want to run into him again, I don't want to spoil that feeling." "escape?" "No. It's protection, protection of a love." "You didn't miss the man you've lived with for three years, but you miss a stranger you've only been with for a day?" I was a little embarrassed. "Because love with a lifespan of only one day never has a chance to go bad." At that time, I thought, what she said might be right, time nourishes a love, but also destroys a love. Lin Ri fell asleep peacefully on Lin Fangwen's feet, I tossed and turned, the same blood flowed in their bodies, equally sad and elusive, would Lin Fangwen forget me like his sister, but only remember a woman who had a happy night ? Lin Fangwen woke up from his sleep. "Stay still, your sister is on your feet," I said. He looked at his sister curled up and kissed me. "If this goes on, will you marry me?" I asked him. "Yes." He said softly. I shed tears. Lam Rit stayed in Hong Kong for two weeks before leaving. She said she would go to Israel to find a friend, she missed him very much.When we saw him off at the airport, she hugged me and said, "If my brother treats you badly, break up with him." "I will." I said. She and Lin Fangwen hugged each other for a long time before entering the restricted area. Lin Ri is gone, but the sadness she brought remains in the house.Lin Fangwen stayed in the studio most of the time, falling in love with his songs.I began to regret living with him, facing each other day and night, how gorgeous love will become dull, that was not the relationship I wanted, I don't want to be a man who waits for a man to come back every night, but I don't know if he will come back woman. I try my best to please him, I cook rice, boil sugar water for him to eat when he comes back, and even tie up my sweater.Back then, I must have been a woman who would scare away any man who didn't want to settle down. That night, when I was knitting my sweater mechanically, I suddenly hated myself. Lin Fangwen opened the door and came in, and I threw the sweater on the ground viciously. He ignored me and walked into the bedroom. I picked up my purse and left in anger. I went back to my own home and cried all night.Have we all become lazy over time?Too lazy to love better?On the second day, the third day, and the fourth day, he didn't find me. He's a man who won't plead with a woman, and in the end it's me who goes back. When I opened the door and walked in, he was sitting on the couch playing the harmonica I gave him.Seeing me coming, he didn't stop. "I just came to see my plane." I went to the front of the fish tank and picked up a plane. He took me by the hand, hugged me tightly, and I smelled olive oil and turpentine on him. It was Fianna's smell, and I will never forget it. "You met Feanna, didn't you?" I glared at him. "No," he said. "Why are you lying? I'm sure you just met her." He was amazed, he didn't know that women usually have a nice nose. "Really?" I asked him. He doesn't speak. "You promised me not to see her again." He still doesn't speak. "Why?" I asked him tearfully. He still doesn't speak. "Why!" I yelled at him, "Why are you looking for her?" I am completely disappointed, the love I have given in the past two years still cannot satisfy him, he does not need a woman like me.I rushed into the room and packed up my things. He sat there and didn't stop me. I packed my things in a mess and walked into the hall. "Let's break up!" I cried to him. "Are you really leaving?" "You're a liar." I scolded him. His skill is not to speak. "Why are you still sleeping with her?" I originally just wanted to test him, but I didn't expect that he would not speak. He really slept with Feanna. "Besides silence and lies, I don't know what else is between us?" I told him tearfully. I opened the door and left, and he didn't keep me, when I was going, he never kept me. I hugged my luggage and wept helplessly among the crowd in downtown Tsim Sha Tsui. It was bright but short-lived, and it was my first love. Back home, the old man Ci Xiang, who was playing the violin, hung his head desolately, and played Elgar's song, which was a promise made a hundred years ago, that there would be no more New Year's Eve songs. Knowing that I broke up with Lin Fangwen, Dizhi only said, "It's not like you can't live without a man." She seems to be glad that I can accompany her to break up with her.Guanghui is still procrastinating with Sun Weidong, and she will never let him go until she finds another man.But at that time, a bad news hit the three of us at the same time. Song Xiaomian is getting married.When the three of us were also frustrated, she found happiness! She first told Guanghui the good news, and she sweetly asked Guanghui on the phone: "I want to know if your address has changed." A friend you haven't seen in a long time suddenly calls you and asks for your address. No doubt she wants to send you wedding invitations and thinks you will be happy for her. "Her husband is a doctor!" Guanghui's tone was full of jealousy. "She can also marry a doctor?" Di Zhi looked disdainful, "She's just very ordinary." "Near water and towers come first!" Guang Hui said, "Do you still remember her mother? She is very good at pushing her children to the top." "I'm not jealous of her marrying a doctor, I'm just jealous of her being married." I said. "Girls with more ordinary conditions will get married sooner. The three of us are of such high quality that we don't know if we can marry successfully at the age of thirty." Di Zhi said seriously. Guanghui was the most unhappy, because she always hoped to marry well and find a dentist, but she couldn't force herself to love him, while Xiaomian found a western doctor.Dizhi is jealous because she has been unable to find a good man, and the one she wants to marry cannot marry her.I'm jealous because I don't get the same happiness.If Xiao Mian knew that we were jealous of her marriage, she would definitely regret telling us about the marriage. The wedding was held in a Catholic church in Happy Valley. The three of us deliberately dressed up. Guanghui believed that he might meet a doctor on that occasion. The bride is beautiful.I am a lovelorn woman, of course I have to dress up beautifully.Le Ji came with her boyfriend, who is said to be a son of a rich family.It was Xiao Mian's husband who surprised us. Standing in front of the altar, the man wearing a black dress and waiting anxiously for the bride is Xiao Mian’s husband. His body image is an ant magnified 300,000 times, although it has been magnified 300,000 times, because the original size It's small, so now it's only five feet two inches tall, with a neck that's so short it's almost invisible, a slightly stooped back, and long and small limbs. The more you look at it, the more it looks like the giant mechanical ant monster in the "Superman" episode.Did Xiao Mian marry such a person?We immediately stopped being jealous of her. Both Xiaomian's father-in-law and aunt-in-law have very serious faces. They probably think that the big ant is their masterpiece, the perfect husband that many women dream of. The priest led the guests to sing "Marriage Song" - "Perfect love, surpassing everything in the world... Eternal love, I hope they will always have... Innocent trust. Life, death, pain, pain, no fear..." I sang every word with devotion, that is the highest ideal of love, maybe I was too devotion, I started to go out of tune from the second sentence, Dizhi and Guanghui were used to it, but there was a laugh behind me, standing Behind me is a man wearing gold-rimmed glasses, he smiled at me friendly, at that time, I did not think that he is my second man. Xiao Mian and Big Ant came back two weeks after their honeymoon in Europe, and I received a call from Xiao Mian. "There's someone who would love to meet you." "Who?" "My husband's classmate and colleague, his name is Xu Feifei. He met you on the day of my wedding and had a good impression of you." "I don't have the slightest impression." "Of course you don't know that he's paying attention to you. I didn't tell him. You already have a boyfriend. I don't know if you like it or not. Besides, it's just to make friends. It doesn't have to be about marriage. It's good to have another choice. Xu Feifei is a very good person, otherwise I wouldn’t have introduced him to you. He broke up with his girlfriend for two years and has never been in a relationship. He is 30 years old this year and works in surgery. Shall we have dinner together this Saturday night? " "It's embarrassing, it seems to be seeing each other." I said. "He is the fifth king of diamonds. Many people are vying to introduce girlfriends to him, but he just doesn't like it." "If he likes me, do I have to have dinner with him?" I said angrily. "Just treat it as having dinner with me. You won't give me this little face, will you?" Unexpectedly, Xiao Mian has only been married for two weeks, and she even speaks like a young mistress. "Ok." I'm actually not interested in meeting another man, Lin Fangwen is still a biting pain in my heart.However, women always have a little vanity, and a man can't help being a little excited when he expresses his admiration for her.Lin Fangwen went to find Feanna behind my back. There was nothing wrong with me having dinner with Xu Feifei openly. I deliberately retaliated against him. The place for dinner is the western restaurant of Regent Hotel. Xu Feifei was wearing a dark blue suit and a dark green twill tie. His thick hair was neatly combed, and he wore a pair of gold-rimmed glasses on his face. He smelled of disinfectant. "I just came from get off work," he said. He stood up and shook hands with me. He was tall and strong, but his ten fingers were very slender, a pair of hands that were very suitable for surgery. "Cheng Yun is my middle school classmate, and we are both on the volleyball team." Xiao Mian, full of the flavor of a young wife, said. Big Ant's name is Guan Yanming, and he and Xu Fei are classmates from elementary school to university. "Xu Fei Fei used to be the captain of the Hong Kong academic volleyball team. You have common hobbies!" Xiao Mian actively promoted. "I haven't played basketball since I entered college, for fear of hurting my fingers," Xu Feifei said. "He did Lili's surgery," Xiao Mian said. "Unfortunately, it was too late when she was sent to the hospital." Xu Feifei said. "I really miss Lili. It's a pity that she died without having a relationship," Xiao Mian said. "That's the happiest way to die," I said. After saying this, the three of them looked at me at the same time, as if I had said something wrong. "Isn't it? The days when you have nothing to worry about are actually the happiest." During the whole meal, Xiao Mian talked the most. She was already a young mistress, so she didn't need to be reserved. Big Ant seldom talked, and he rarely smiled. He seemed to be burdened with the world's troubles, and Xu Feifei only spoke at the right time.After eating dessert, Xiaomian dragged me to accompany her to the bathroom. Of course, her purpose was not to go to the bathroom. "What do you think of Xu Fei Fei?" "Not bad, but I don't have feelings for him." "He is a doctor. Of course he is not as romantic as a wit, but he is very caring and sincere. Doctors feel the most secure. I heard from Di Zhi that you broke up with Lin Fangwen." Dizhi, the gossip woman! "He can't save me if I'm terminally ill," I said. "Do you have an incurable disease?" she asked me solemnly. My incurable disease is loving a man who can't give me the slightest sense of security. Xiao Mian was obviously a little disappointed to see that there seemed to be no electricity between Xu Feifei and I after we had eaten a meal.Big Ant's car was parked in Lijing, after we broke up with them, Xu Feifei and I walked to the New World parking lot to pick up the car.A group of workers hung colorful bulbs on the silver Christmas tree in front of the New World Gate to prepare for Christmas. It turns out that December has already entered. "It's almost Christmas." Xu Feifei said. "Yes." The wind was very cold on the road, so Xu Feifei covered me with his coat. "Thank you." "What will you be doing on New Year's Eve?" he asked me. "And you?" "I have spent New Year's Eve in the hospital for the past few years. Every year on that day, the hospital is very busy. Many people are very happy and sad." "I don't think I saw you at the wedding," I said. "I saw you. You came with two girls. I stood behind you when the hymns were sung, and you sang out of tune." "I remembered, it was you who laughed at me." "Sorry, I meant no harm." "It doesn't matter, I'm tone deaf." "There are very few people who are tone-deaf, yet they sing with so much devotion." "Are you mocking me, or?" "No, I think you're cute." At that moment, I met Lin Fangwen. He was wearing a peaked cap, the same peaked cap he had been wearing when I knew him, and he put on that cap again.He was walking towards me, and he had already spotted me. I was walking side by side with Xu Feifei, and I was wearing his coat. I was at a loss. He glanced at me, walked beside me, and passed by the plant. The silver Christmas tree rushed across the road and disappeared.When they met for the first time after breaking up, there was a big misunderstanding. Xu Fei's car drove out from the new world. It was like a weekend night in December, and the car couldn't move an inch on the road.The lights on the outer wall of the building are a domineering red, the traffic lights are always red, cars are not allowed to move forward, and the red lights of the brakes are on at the rear of thousands of cars, all red, forming a long and endless red light road, deceiving people too much.The radio broadcast "Jingle Bells" early, I thought of Lin Fangwen's face and his betrayal, and wept bitterly. "Are you okay?" Xu Feifei startled me. I made up some random excuse and said, "I hate being stuck here." "I'll think of a way." At some point, he parked the car in a shelter and opened the sunroof of the car. "Is it better now?" Because she cried so much, she also convulsed so badly that she couldn't answer him at all. "How did you get here?" I asked him. "Broken a lot of traffic rules, fortunately not caught by the police. Are you claustrophobic?" "No, no, can you drive me somewhere?" "where are you going?" "Just stay for a while," I said. I asked him to drive the car across from Lin Fangwen's residence.The balcony on the twentieth floor was lit. Lin Fangwen was standing alone on the balcony drinking beer, wearing a lovelorn hat on his head. For the first time, I thought he looked a little pitiful.I can't go back, I can't forgive him when I think of him on Fianna.Suddenly a gust of cold wind blew, and Lin Fangwen's hat was blown away from his head, and he fell in the wind. He disappeared on the balcony, and he must have come down to look for the hat. "Let's go." I told Xu Feifei. After that night, Xu Feifei didn't look for me, he probably knew that there was someone in my heart.The closer to New Year's Eve, the more desolate I am, do I want to walk with Lin Fangwen again for a song?He never begged me, never asked me to get back together.I might come back to him, if only he asked, I would. It turns out that people's memory has an automatic purification system to wash away unpleasant memories. I seem to gradually feel that the matter of him sleeping with Feanna is not real. Guanghui and Sun Weidong went to Europe for the New Year, because Guanghui was reluctant to pay the tour fare by herself.Dee booked me early to spend New Years Eve with her. She has been smoking a lot lately, and has even smoked marijuana with people from the record company. On New Year's Eve, I didn't receive any news from Lin Fangwen, and my disappointment turned into grief. Di Zhirui and I dressed up to attend a party held by one of her colleagues in Disco. Dizhi painted my face very white, which was about the same color as the light tube, and then drew exaggerated black eyeliner on me. My eyes seemed to be surrounded by two black brackets. Juicy red lipstick.I've never worn such heavy makeup. "You only look like a woman now. I'm a man, and my heart is moved when I see you." She said. Dizhi was wearing a leather jacket and skirt, both jacket and skirt were wrapped with gold chains, and there was a golden butterfly on the toe of the three and a half inch high heels.A head of curly long hair fell on his shoulders. "Are you going to a New Year's Eve party, or a Halloween party?" I asked her. "Maybe I'll find a boyfriend tonight!" She was full of hope. I wore a pair of two-and-a-half inch heels for the first time in my life.Di Zhi walked like flying, I followed behind, it took a lot of effort to catch up, the New Year's Eve without a man, it was really a toss. The party was held in a disco in Lan Kwai Fong. On New Year's Eve, Lan Kwai Fong was so crowded with reveling men and women that cars could not drive in.Wearing two-and-a-half-inch high heels and walking up that slope on foot is a difficult task for me, let alone Feanna's gallery on the side of the slope? "I forgot which building the Millennium Banshee's gallery is in." Di Zhi said. "This one." I pointed to an old building opposite the bar, but the first floor was no longer a gallery, but a shop selling women's clothing for work. "Why did it become a clothing store?" I was a little surprised. "Who's going to buy a Millennium Banshee painting? Maybe it's closed." The taxi was crowded, and the host of the party was the public relations manager of Dizhi's record company, a middle-aged woman who enjoyed a lot.She greeted Di Zhi and me warmly, and arranged us to sit among a group of men and women.They all came solo and drank copious amounts of alcohol.Dizhi guessed with one of the men with cropped hair. She lost every time and drank a lot of brandy. That man often used excuses to get close to her, and suddenly put his hand on my shoulder. I suddenly felt very shameful. He What kind of woman do you think I am?I'm not here to find a man to spend the night with.I got up and pulled Dizhi away. "Where are we going?" she asked me drunkenly. "Get out of here," I said. The man in plain hair supported Dizhi and said, "I'll take you home." Di Zhi leaned on him and said: "Okay." Then he said to me: "Someone will take us back." "No. Let's go back by ourselves." I snatched Dizhi back from the jacket. 我把迪之从的士高拉出来，已经十一时多，街上挤满等待倒数的人群。 “我要回去喝酒。”迪之挣扎着，把我推开。 “不。不准回去。”我拉着她，她拼命反抗，混乱中，我推了她一把，谁知她站不稳，给我推倒在地上，头撞在石级上，流了一滩血。 刚好有两个巡逻警员经过，立即召救护车把迪之送去医院。 迪之躺在担架上，我很害怕她会死，我没想过除夕会在一辆救护车上度过，而我即将成为杀死好朋友的凶手。 急症室的医生替迪之敷好伤口，医生说，她只是皮外伤，我如释重负。她喝酒太多，医生要她留院一天观察。我陪迪之上病房，心里很内疚。 “对不起，我不是故意推你的。” “哼！如果破了相我才不原谅你。” “我让你推一下报仇。”我说。 “我们两人除夕要在医院度过，还不够可怜吗？”她苦笑，“你不要走，留下陪我。” 我们一同睡在狭窄的床上，互相取暖。迪之很快睡着了，护士说，医院不准留宿，我替迪之盖好被，离开病房。经过护士的工作间，两个年轻女护正在收听电台广播，时钟指着午夜十二时，唱片骑师说：“这首新歌的填词人，特别要求我们在一九八八年的除夕播这首国语歌，他想送给一个人，祝她新年快乐。” 歌由一位台湾男歌手唱出，迂回低沉，象我们的爱情，我身体发软，蹲在地上，用双手抱着自己的身体，才能冷静下来。他已还我一首除夕之歌，我又还他什么呢？ “这首歌很动听啊，歌曲的名字是《烟雨》，今夜没有烟雨。”女唱片骑师说。 “程韵。” 一个男人叫我，我抬头看，是穿着白色医生袍的徐起飞。 "Why are you here?" “有朋友受了伤，我陪她入院，现在没事了。” “你打扮成这个样子？我差点认不出你呢？”他望着我，有点陌生。 是的，我浓妆艳抹，穿黑色紧身裙，踏着高跟鞋，象个廉价的妓女，的士高里剪平头装的男人轻薄我们，也许不全是他的错。 “我刚下班，要不要我送你回去？” “不用了，谢谢你。” “嗯。那么再见了。”他说。 "goodbye." 我站起来，离开走廊。 “程韵。”他叫我。 "What's up?" “新年快乐！” “新年快乐！” 我在医院门外，截停一辆计程车，跟司机说：“去尖沙咀。” 林方文用歌把我召回去，他的呼唤，总是无法抵挡。我身上还有他的钥匙，开门进去，鱼缸里的纸飞机依然在东京上空翱翔，一切没有改变。 林方文站在阳台上，回头望我。 “新年快乐。”他说。 "Happy New Year." I said. “我回来，是要把你从阳台上推下去。” 他张开双手说：“好的。” 我们在阳台上等待天亮，一九八九年一月一日，我们依旧在一起，好象劫后重逢。 “你的鸭舌帽呢？” “有一天晚上在这里丢了。”他说。 “费安娜呢？” “我就只见过她那一次。”他说。 “你是一个骗子，是一个很坏很坏的骗子。” 他抱着我：“不会再有下次。” 一月一日下午，我接迪之离开医院。她撞穿头，我却跟林方文复合，她恨死我。 八九年的暑假，我毕业了，在一间规模宏大的实业集团的市场推广部找到一份工作。同年，光蕙也毕业，在一间代理买卖商铺及办公室的地产公司任营业主任。 乐姬在一间大银行任职私人银行顾问，她身边不是公子，便是律师、总裁之类。 市场推广部就只有我一个职员，事无大小，都要我负责。一天，林方文来接我下班。他带着我走过好几条街道。 “我们要去哪里？”我有点奇怪。 他走进一条横街，街上泊了几辆私家车，他走近一辆簇新的蓝色私家车，开启车门。 “这辆车是你的？”我很意外。 他坐在司机位上，开动引擎。 "why did not you tell me?" “给你一个意外惊喜。” 那天，我们快快乐乐驾车在香港、九龙和新界转了一个大圈，我没想到五个月后，车上会有另一个女人。 那天晚上，我和迪之、光蕙在铜锣湾吃晚饭，饭后，本来打算坐计程车。 迪之刚好看到林方文的车子在我们身边驶过。 “你看，那是不是林放的车子？” 我刚好看到车子的尾部，那是他的车，竟然会遇到他，真是巧合。 “好了，我们不用坐计程车了。”迪之说。 我和迪之、光蕙跑上去追他的车，我发疯似的在后面跟他挥手，他并没有看见我。几乎追不上了，幸好前面刚转红灯，他的车停在交通灯前。 我喘着气跑上前，敲他的车窗，他见到我，神色诧异，原来他的旁边还有一个女人，是乐姬。我呆住了，觉得自己象一个傻瓜，乐姬看看我，然后别转头，她并不打算向我解释。 迪之和光蕙赶上来。 “还不上车？”我来不及阻止，迪之已经拉开车门上车。 上了车，她和光蕙才发现车上有一个女人，是乐姬。林方文和乐姬的反应，已经告诉我，发生了什么事。 “我们走。”我说。 “程韵，上车。”迪之把我拉上车，“为什么不上车，这是你男朋友的车子。”迪之故意让乐姬听到这句话，“奇怪，乐姬，你为什么会在这里？” 乐姬没有理睬她。林方文一句话也没有说。 我茫然地站在街上，迪之叫我不要回去，我还有什么地方可以去呢？I want to go back. 他坐在沙发上。 “开始了多久？”我问他。 He doesn't speak. “为什么偏偏要是乐姬？” He doesn't speak. 我拿起东西扔他。 “我看不起你！”我向他呐喊。 我拿起东西不断扔他。 “为什么你要一次又一次伤害我？如果不爱我，可以告诉我，用不着骗我！” 他过来抱着我。 “你已经不爱我了。” 他凝望着我，不说一句话。 “你说呀！” He still doesn't speak. 我肝肠寸断。那一个晚上，是最难熬的晚上，我想过要在阳台上跃下去，却怕从此看不见他的脸，在那一刻，我依旧眷恋那张脸，因此更恨他。我倒在床上哭了很久，他在客厅里一言不发。我哭着哭着，在床上睡了。午夜醒来，他躺在我旁边，睁着眼，我睁着眼，无话可说，床上的欢愉，还是输给背叛，也许男人都爱慕新鲜，何况一个以创作为生的男人？他一生需要很多女人，我只是其中一个，终究要消失。他象一个神，我只是其中一件祭神的贡品，他吃过了，丰富了生命，忘了我。我压在他身上，他仍然睁着眼。我把上衣脱去，解下乳罩，把他两只手按在我的乳房上。 “不要这样。”他说。 我疯狂地吻他，用我所有的本能来刺激他的性欲。他很久没有跟我做爱，我以为是他太忙了，原来他爱上别人。我要他回到我的身体里，记起我的身体。我脱去他的上衣和裤子，他也脱掉我的裤子，他压在我身上，我不断流泪，紧紧抓住他的腰，把他拉向我的身体，期望他为这温存，留在我身边。即使留不住，也有最美好的最后一次。 我很后悔，这绝对不是最美好的一次，那些身体的抽动，活象一场施舍。他流着汗，我流着泪，躺在床上，象一对陌生人。 “我们的爱情是在什么时候消逝的？”我问他。 He doesn't speak. “你已经跟乐姬上过床，是不是？” “没有。”他说。 “我不相信你。” 我抱起一直放在床边的那个给我砍烂了的小提琴，拉了一下，发出刺耳和空洞的琴声。 “明天我会离开这里。”我说。 “你用不着这样。” “我决定了，我不习惯被施舍。” 第二天早上，他离开了，我找迪之替我收拾行李。 “这个瓷象老人，你要不要带走？”她问我。 “要的。” “鱼缸里的纸飞机呢？” 我把鱼缸搬到阳台上，用双手捞起缸里的纸飞机，抛向空中，那里有九百八十六只，是他对我九百八十六次的思念，都散落在空中，能飞的都远逝。