Chapter 2 Chapter 2 Lover's Feeling

The boy who broke into the classroom was wearing a peaked cap and a pair of thick black-rimmed glasses. I couldn't see his eyes clearly. I only saw that he had an excessively pale face, which was slightly more colored than a piece of white paper.His name is Lin Fangwen, and he arrived only a month after the class started, so he must be a backup student. Lin Fangwen chose a seat in the front row, right in front of me.He put the half-drunk Coke on the table, then took out a book and read it with gusto. It was not a book, but a comic book, "Dragon Tiger Gate".For a first-year student in the Chinese Department of the university, the daily book is "Dragon Tiger Gate"!

"If you want to watch "Dragon and Tiger Gate", why don't you sit in the back?" I said to him. He turned back, a lot to me once. "It's cooler up front," he said. "Ah! That's how it is." I hate people who play tricks the most. A guy like him would hook up with a girl within three months, and that silly girl would clean up his room, and he would sit back and ditch her before leaving college.In addition to a large number of "Dragon Tiger Gate", his room should also have a large number of pornographic magazines and a set of mahjong.

The next day, Lin Fangwen chose to sit in the front row again.He took out a copy of "Playboy" from his backpack. Lin Fangwen's tricks are really endless, first watching "Dragon and Tiger Gate", then "Playboy", and even Ma Jing.Occasionally, he would read "Outside the Number" in a serious manner. In short, he never read the books that should be read in class. A few boys dated him, and they said that he came from an unknown school in Yau Ma District.He can be admitted to the University of Hong Kong, which is really an odd number. Lin Fangwen never took off his peaked cap. Whenever he met him anywhere on campus, he would always wear that peaked cap.Even in the heat of thirty-three degrees, he still had no interest in taking off his hat.I figured he either had a hole in his forehead or no hair at all.

One day, when he was taking a new poetry class, he actually wore a pair of sandals, showing ten toes, and raised his feet to watch "Sisters". "Sisters" was only read when I went to the hair salon.Why was he reading a handbook on women's hygiene?Does he also have gynecological problems? That day I didn't care to think about why he watched "Sisters", I only paid attention to his toes.I think the toes are the most mysterious part of a person's body.Except when I'm at home or going swimming, I never let anyone see my toes when I'm out and about.Toes are like private parts, it is always unnatural for people to see them.

Lin Fangwen's ten toes were clean, not too long or too short, and not too far apart.The most rare thing is that his second toe is shorter than the male toe, so he should not be a poor man.Looking at his ten toes, I have a voyeuristic feeling. After class, Lin Fangwen walked up to me and asked me, "Why do you keep looking at my toes?" He startled me, I didn't think he knew I'd been peeking at his toes. "Who's looking at your toes!" I walked beside him as if nothing had happened. I felt him staring at me behind me.It was the first time that I felt a little heartbeat for a man.However, I can't find any reason why I would like him.If there was a heartbeat, it was the embarrassment of being caught spying on him.

In another class in the afternoon of the same day, Lin Fangwen changed into a pair of sailing shoes.He sat in front of me, turned to me and said: "I purposely put on a pair of close-toed shoes so you won't see my toes." After all, he triumphantly flipped through the newly published "Dragon Tiger Gate".And at that moment, I didn't have the strength to fight back, and I was completely defeated by him. In the evening, I had dinner with Dizhi, and she brought me Lin Zhengping's latest album, which contained "Human World".Dizhi said that Lin Zhengping hadn't looked for her for a week.I didn't know what to say, and watched her leave sadly.If a man wants to leave, how can he stay?

I listened to "Human World" in bed: I fell asleep to the sound of singing. One morning a few weeks later, in pouring rain, I stood on the street for forty-five minutes without stopping a taxi.Finally, a taxi stopped in front of me, and the person in the taxi told me to get in. He was Lin Fangwen.I'm already drenched and don't want to mess with myself any more. "Thank you." I said to him. He ignored me, his peaked cap pulled down and his face blurred.The radio just happened to be playing "Human World": "From the day we met, those teenage years, there should have been rain to wash away the wrong footprints, there should have been snow to wipe away the blur on the face..." My body swayed slightly with the singing.

"Do you like this song very much?" Lin Fangwen asked me. I nod.He was silent.We listen to the same song. That song always makes everyone sad for no reason, even Lin Fangwen who watched "Dragon Tiger Gate" and "Playboy" is no exception. When the taxi arrived at HKU, I found my wallet to pay, and Lin Fangwen said to me, "You don't need to pay." He just paid the taxi fare without asking my permission at all. "Hi!" he called me. "What's up?" He took off his coat and threw it to me: "You take the clothes." "No." I said.

"Your clothes are soaked," he said. "I'm not afraid of the cold." I said. "I don't know if you're cold or not, but you seem to be wearing a see-through suit now." I looked at myself, only to find that the white shirt on my body was soaked, and the whole bra was clearly visible. I hugged Lin Fangwen's coat to my chest, too embarrassed to look at him. In the next lesson, Lin Fangwen did not show up.My shirt is completely dry.I took the coat to the dormitory and returned it to him. He was not in the dormitory, the door was open, and I walked in, thinking I had walked into an old bookstore.His whole room was full of books, and half of the bed was occupied by books.There wasn't a whole lot of "Dragon Tiger Gate," "Playboy," or "Sisters" in the room.Yes, there is also "One Hundred Years of Solitude". He used to read those books too.The desktop is very messy. Looking at the papers on the table, one of the papers has the lyrics of "Human World".

He was so bored and copied the lyrics. Even if you copy the lyrics, it is impossible to copy the musical notation together, right? The lyricists of "Human World" are Lin Fang and Lin Fangwen. The combination of square characters and characters is not the word "Fang"?Could it be that Lin Fangwen is Lin Fang? Can this person who gnawed at "Dragon and Tiger Gate" write such touching lyrics? "Human World" is not the best song I have ever heard, but it is the song that moves me the most. I saw a rather dilapidated Lefeng brand harmonica on the bed. Is it a tool for writing lyrics?

"What are you doing here?" He burst in, startling me. "I'll give you back the coat." "Oh." He ignored me and hung up the freshly washed clothes in his room. "Did you write the lyrics of "Human World"?" "Didn't expect that?" "Is that you? Really you?" "You look very surprised. Is it possible that someone like me can write such lyrics?" I never thought that during those days, the song that accompanied me to sleep every night was actually written by him.A lyricist I admired so much stood in front of me. He was someone I knew. I was a little overwhelmed, I should have left, but I couldn't help staying, hoping he would say something to me.Lin Fangwen didn't talk to me, but hugged me tenderly, I didn't even resist, it seemed that I had known him for a long time. Talent dazzles women, it is not his arms that melt me, it is his lyrics, it is his talent that makes me lose my restraint. That was the first time in my life that I hugged a man who had no blood relationship with me. His body temperature warmed me, and I hugged him tightly with both hands, as if I had found a refuge.He held my face in his hands, his lips against mine.I closed my eyes, not daring to look at him.That day was November 3, 1986. Lin Fangwen and I hugged each other all the time, neither of us wanted to let go first.We seem to be a pair of lovers who have been separated for many years. We can embrace each other, but we refuse to separate no matter what.I looked at the small alarm clock on the desk, the time sang love at a brisk pace, we have been hugging for an hour. "I want a drink of water." I said. He let me go and poured me a glass of water. We hugged for an hour, but he still hadn't taken off the peaked cap. "Why are you always wearing a hat?" I persisted. "I never thought why." At that moment, I was a woman who had just hugged him for an hour. I asked him a question, and he answered me so irresponsibly. I felt embarrassed. Did he think I talked too much?A girl who just gave her first kiss should probably keep silent. When he kissed me, I knew it was not the first time he kissed, he was very good at kissing people. "Did you really write the lyrics?" "If I hadn't written it, you wouldn't have let me hug you just now, would you?" I don't know how to answer him. "You are too fussy." I feel very angry, is he playing with me?Because I once criticized him for watching "Dragon and Tiger Gate" in class.He was going to kiss me on purpose and then show it off to the others, proving that I was nothing but a gullible woman.If that's true, I've lost, what am I left for? I rushed out of the corridor, left the dormitory building, and got into a taxi, and the song was playing in the car: "There should be rain to wash away the wrong footprints, and there should be snow to wipe away the fuzziness on the face." Why that song?It's my magic spell. Di Zhi and I met at Qing Bar, and she was very happy that I finally kissed a man. Maybe she felt that we could have more common topics in the future. "It's not difficult to find out. I'll know if I ask the record producer. If he's not Lin Fang, do you not like him?" But I sensed that he was the one. Di Zhi quickly found out. "The producer said he often wore a peaked cap." "That must be him." "Okay! You are in love with a talented man! He is very popular, many singers have appointed him to write lyrics." "How are you and Lin Zhengping?" "Stop talking! He's pursuing a singer nanny." "Is it a pretty woman?" "It's beautiful, but it's a man." I was dumbfounded. "I questioned him, and he said that he also plays with men." "Playing?" I wanted to throw up. "I was played. He's just a flirt. I was naive." "Will you return to Deng Chufa's side?" "I don't love him anymore." Di Zhi didn't shed tears, she tried her best to act as if nothing had happened.That was the first time she understood that love can be a game, and she took that play as a short-term love, which would make her feel better. The next day in class, when Lin Fangwen entered the classroom, he was still wearing the peaked cap. He sat beside me and whispered in my ear: "You should have found out if I am Lin Fang, right?" I turned my face away from looking at him, but I was very happy in my heart. He actually obediently read his notes that day, not his book. "Why don't you watch "Dragon and Tiger Gate" today?" "The new issue has not yet been published." I pissed him off: "Why are you watching "Dragon and Tiger Gate"?" "It's beautiful!" "What about Playboy?" "It's beautiful." "What about "Sisters"?" "I want to know more about women." He stretched out his hand: "Give me your phone number." "Why should I give it to you?" He retracted his hand quickly.He should have asked me one more time. After class, I thought he would ask me out for dinner, but he hurriedly said: "I will find you!" and ran back to the dormitory. On weekends and Sundays, I stood by the phone for a long time, waiting for someone's voice.If he wants to find me, he can definitely get my phone number from one of his classmates.However, he did not find me. On Monday, I ran into him outside the classroom and deliberately avoided seeing him. "Are you free for lunch today?" "No time." I said. He looks very disappointed, it seems he is not going to ask me again. "Oh, wait, you said lunch? I'm free for lunch, I thought you said dinner." I wanted to be with him, but I had to smooth things over myself. We made the trek to Repulse Bay for hamburgers. "Can you give me your phone number?" he said. "do not you know?" "You did not tell me." "You didn't check?" He shook his head.I often think that if he likes me, he should do everything possible to find out my phone number. That is a sign that a man loves a woman. Of course I knew later that he was not that kind of man, he wanted women to pay. People in the class began to know that Lin Fangwen and I were in love.They also guessed that he was Lin Fang, a popular lyricist recently. Word quickly reached Lucie, and one day I ran into her in the hallway, and she said to me: "I heard that you are in love with a wit?" I can see the jealousy in her eyes, she thinks all good men should pursue her.Lin Fangwen pursued me because he didn't meet her. Finally, once, she met me and Lin Fangwen together.I saw her coming from far away to say hello to me, but I deliberately didn't introduce Lin Fangwen to her. I must defend my first love. "Who is she?" Lin Fangwen asked me. "My middle school classmate, isn't she pretty?" I tested him. He ignored me. We often quarrel like that, he is always indifferent, he will only insist on the peaked cap on his head. On December 31, 1986, we met for dinner in Casablanca to celebrate the New Year.I heard from Dizhi that dancing is possible there, so when Lin Fangwen asked me where I would like to spend New Year's Eve, I chose Casablanca. I waited for five hours on New Year's Eve night and still haven't seen him.The resident singer counted down tens of seconds to welcome 1987. The world was jubilant, and I was so angry that I was crying alone.Will he never appear again? He arrived at twelve fifteen and was safe and sound.He sat down and I immediately got up and left. He pulled me and asked, "Where are you going?" "Are you here now?" I asked him tearfully. "I'm in the recording studio." "Did you forget that I'm here waiting for you?" "forget." He actually answered me like that!I can't help but admit that it's just my wishful thinking all the time, and he doesn't care at all.I covered my face and rushed out, he pulled me outside the restaurant and stuffed a sheet music into my hand: "I wrote this song for you." He took out the Lefeng brand harmonica from his pocket and played a song—— Touching is a melting pot, melting my heart and forcing tears, even if I use both hands to catch them, I can't catch them. "Why did you write this song for me?" He didn't answer me.I forgot, he doesn't necessarily answer questions. There is indescribable joy in my heart. The vastness of the sky, the depth of the sea, and the height of the mountains can't compare to a man in the sky and the earth who writes a song for me. He hugged me and I buried my head in his chest. "I'm afraid you'll never show up again!" "How come?" He kissed me. "Happy New Year!" he told me. "Happy New Year!" I said. On January 1, 1987, we were waiting for the sunrise by the sea.I gradually understand that the person I am loving is a person who is difficult for me to understand.He would forget that I was waiting for him and write a song for me.Before I heard that song, I never thought that he was so affectionate to me. He has the ability to make me happy, and the most capable of making me cry. "Did you have a good girlfriend before me?" I asked him. He nodded, and I was so jealous. "Did you send her a song?" He is silent. "Sunrise, look." I took his hand. Yes, the sun is rising, will Lin Fangwen and I have a tomorrow? "Affection is a burden I can't bear, and words of love are just lies that come true by chance." ——Is this what Lin Fangwen wants to say to me?He is a pessimistic man.A woman is most afraid of meeting a pessimistic man, and she will take care of him with double love.Her emotions are all controlled by him. But, even if there is no tomorrow, he is the man who accompanied me to watch the first sunrise in 1987. One day, I accompanied Lin Fangwen to watch a singer's recording.In the recording studio, I met Lin Zhengping for the first time. He didn't know that I was Di Zhi's good friend, and looked at me with affectionate eyes.I was a little bored when I thought about what he was doing with men. "Lin Fang's love songs are very well written and can touch many women." Lin Zhengping said to me. I don't quite understand what he means.Did he praise Lin Fangwen for his affection, or did he want to remind me that Lin Fangwen wrote many love songs to other women? When I left the recording studio with Lin Fangwen, it was already late at night, and he kept silent, probably because of his tragic mood. "You and Lin Zhengping get along very well, don't you?" He said quietly. It turned out that he was jealous.I suddenly felt very happy, he was jealous that I was talking to another man, hadn't he always been indifferent? "Are you jealous?" I probed him. "Lin Zhengping is not a good man." He said. I smiled and didn't answer, of course I knew, I pretended to be ignorant to make him worry. "Hey, when are you going to take off your hat?" I suddenly had the courage to challenge him again, "Did you wear your hat when you took a shower?" "I'm so jealous of your hat, it's closer to you than me, and it hasn't left you for a day," I said. He went on. "Take off your hat." I ran after him and reached out to pull his hat off.He ran so fast that I wouldn't touch his peaked cap. "You run pretty fast," he said. "Of course, I'm a member of the women's volleyball team." I tried to pull his hat off. "You're too curious." He stepped aside. "Why don't you take off your hat?" "As I said, I haven't thought about why." "There must be a reason. You have a hole in the top of your head, don't you?" "Not everything happens for a reason. I'll send you home." "If you don't take off your hat, I won't go back." I was angry. "Are you really not going back?" "Unless you take off your hat." "Then I'll go back by myself, goodbye." He actually dropped me and left!I was so angry that I cried on the road. That peaked cap might have been given to him by a girl, so he was reluctant to take it off, as he still missed that person. I sat on the side of the road and I couldn't believe that he dropped me.A car pierces the dead silence of the night street, speeding past me, love words are just lies that are fulfilled by chance? Lin Fangwen suddenly appeared in front of me again. I lowered my head and snickered. When I looked up at him, I found that he was not wearing a peaked cap. There were no holes or scars on the top of his head, and his hair was black and thick. He took the hat and saluted me, making me dumbfounded. "What are you doing back here?" "Are you the one who likes to drive men away?" "Isn't it your favorite thing to drop women on the street?" "Please don't argue with me again, I don't wear a hat, it seems I have no clothes! Go back!" "Why did you take off your hat?" "I haven't thought about why." I gradually understood that Lin Fangwen was that kind of person. He had been wearing a hat for a long time without reason.He took off his hat suddenly, for no reason.He fell in love with someone and couldn't tell why.If you don't love someone, you won't say why.He turned out to be a man not worth relying on. "You can put your hat back on," I told him. He turned around and smiled at me: "No need." Di Zhi also has a new relationship, the other party is a technician in the recording studio of a record company, and Di Zhi showed me the photos of the two of them taken with polystyrene. "He's not as handsome as you've always chosen," I said. "I'm back to basics now." She said earnestly, "He is a master mountain climber, and I will learn mountain climbing from him." "Mountain climbing is dangerous," I said. "Are you saying mountain climbing is dangerous, or love is dangerous?" Unexpectedly, Guanghui also has a new relationship. He is a dentist and works for a private dentist. "Did you do that with your boyfriend?" Di Zhi interrogated Guanghui and me without hesitation. "You always care about this issue." I scolded Di Zhi. "That's right! Don't you blush?" Guanghui also scolded her. "Don't be so innocent, okay? Sooner or later you will do this kind of thing with a man." Dizhi said lazily, "That is really a wonderful thing!" "Come on! I toast to you two virgins!" Di Zhi raised his glass. Her desire and openness to sex may be innate. "Are you interested in a part-time job?" Dizhi asked me. "What part-time job?" "I work as a proofreader in a magazine with a monthly salary of 1,000 yuan." "Okay! I hate tutoring." It was just me and one other boy who proofread the magazine that published a monthly magazine of high quality living, and spent hours every day looking at manuscripts and prints, with tired eyes.A salary of 1,000 yuan is not easy to earn. However, I have a goal. Lin Fangwen's harmonica is very old, and the Lefeng brand is not a good brand. I want to give him a new one. I saved up my three-month part-time salary and only ate a loaf of bread for lunch. The Japanese Butterfly brand harmonica was a very good brand at that time, and it was worth 3,200 yuan. I have never bought such an expensive gift for others.I checked the harmonica carefully over and over again in the piano store, and the people who sold the piano thought I was picky. The harmonica is placed in a small wooden box, very delicate.I wrapped it in floral paper, tied it with a golden butterfly, quietly placed it on Lin Fangwen's bed, and took away the dilapidated Lefeng brand harmonica.When Lin Fangwen returned to his room and saw the harmonica I gave him, he must have been very touched. Three hours later, he was looking for me on campus while I was standing in front of a locker.I thought he couldn't help hugging me, but he looked scary. "Where's my harmonica?" he asked me angrily. "What harmonica?" I was a little at a loss. "My Lefeng harmonica." "I sent you a new harmonica, didn't you see?" "You took my harmonica?" He looked fierce. "That harmonica was so old, so I—" "Give me back my harmonica." His eyes were terrible.I opened the locker, took out the harmonica, and placed it heavily in his hand.My tears are pouring out, why is it so sad to love someone?Harmonica Is there any secret bigger than love? "I'll give it back to you, I'll give it back to you!" I said with tears, "I spent three months' salary buying that harmonica for you, and you don't appreciate it at all!" "You don't need to do that." He could speak so plainly, as if speaking to an ordinary friend. In full view, everyone has witnessed that I am the loser of this love, can I still choose to stay? I stayed at home for two days and couldn't think of anything.The most ridiculous thing is that when you hate this man, you are eagerly looking forward to him calling me.The phone never rang and I suddenly felt like a fool, what has he done for me?But writing a song, taking off a peaked cap, I have become so humble.At night, I turned on the radio, and it was full of love songs, as well as the song Lin Fangwen gave me: Gradually, I discovered that the music was not coming from the radio, but from outside the window.I walked to the window and couldn't believe that Lin Fangwen was playing the song he gave me downstairs.Seeing such a scene in a movie or a novel, I will definitely snort, think it is too cliché, and if my man does that, I will definitely drive him away.But I didn't mean to drive him away at all. I turned off all the lights in the house, I couldn't go down, what did he think I was?Let him scold casually, and let him coax casually?Then, he played a song I didn't know, and he was sad and low, like a pair of lovers who are about to break up.At the end of the song, I couldn't hear the sound of the harmonica anymore. I walked to the window and couldn't see him. I ran downstairs, looking for him, but there was no sign of him.He is one of those people who likes to be disappointed.Turning around, he was behind me. "Why don't you go?" I said coldly. "Your lamp has not been turned off," he said. Yes, I left a light on on purpose. "Do you annoy me?" Lin Fangwen asked me. I nodded hard. "Do you really annoy me so much?" He was disappointed. I made a ninety-degree nod. "The harmonica was left to me by my dad. It's the only thing he left me." "Is your father not here?" I was surprised. "He was a poor sailor. When he was lonely, he stood on the deck and played the harmonica. He only went home two or three times a year. To my sister and me, he was like a stranger. In 1980, he The working ocean ship sank in a storm in Panama, and none of the crew survived. The police found this harmonica in the cabin. The harmonica was placed in a pile of clothes, but it was not damaged at all. They sent the harmonica back. This is a strange harmonica , stained with fishy smell, encountered a shipwreck, the appearance is dilapidated, but the sound is still intact." "where is your mom?" "I haven't spoken to her for a long time. He is a beautiful and intelligent woman. Marrying my father may be the worst decision in her life. After my father died, she returned to her old job and ran a small restaurant." I never thought that Lin Fangwen lived in another world. "Are you still mad at me?" he asked me. I nodded laboriously, and he caught me, and I smiled at him. The first three months' salary was used to buy a harmonica for Lin Fangwen, and the fourth month's salary, I promised to treat Dizhi and Guanghui to dinner. "So he has a wife." Di Zhi smiled bitterly, "I met him on the street, and he led his wife who had a belly to buy baby products." "The studio technician?" "Men are like this. A good man like Deng Chufa would have died a long time ago!" Di Zhi said. In her handbag, she took out a pack of Dunhill and lit a cigarette. Her gestures were not very skilled, but her attitude was full of vicissitudes.The vicissitudes of life appeared on her face prematurely, and she failed to meet a good man twice. "When did you learn to smoke?" I asked her. "Just learned it a few days ago. Time passes faster when you're alone with nothing to do and a cigarette." "Don't smoke." "You have better luck than me, you met a good man." "Whether Lin Fangwen is good or bad, I don't know yet." "Did he sleep with you?" "No." "That's a good man." Dizhi said that, implying that she already had a relationship with the technician.They have been together for only three weeks. "You know, when a woman is pregnant, you can't do that." She exhaled a smoke ring. Guanghui and I were silent. "Cheng Yun, can I buy you a drink?" Di Zhi asked me. "of course can!" She ordered a glass of white wine. "Am I stupid? I'm often tricked by men." "You're not stupid, you're just desperate for comfort," I said. "I, you, you need a man." Di Zhi ordered another glass of white wine. "Don't drink any more!" I stopped her. "I pay for it myself!" "You know I don't mean that!" "If you want to drink, I'll drink with you!" Guang Hui dried up Di Zhi's wine, wondering why she drank with Di Zhi? "Let's go to Lamma Island!" Di Zhi said. "Going to Lamma Island now? What are you doing there?" I said. "Go find Deng Chufa!" She looked at her watch, "There is still a boat." We took the last boat to Lamma Island and knocked on the door of Deng Chufa's stone house.Deng Chufa was very surprised to see the three of us. "Deng Chufa, we're here to visit you!" Di Zhi fell into his arms. "She's drunk," I said. Deng Chufa took us into the stone house, where he lived alone, and he was much thinner than before. He took a hot towel and applied Di Zhi's face. Di Zhi put his hands around Deng Chufa's neck and said softly to him, "I want to sleep in your room." Deng Chufa was helpless and took her away. Will they walk together again? Guanghui asked me: "Which person do you hate the most?" "Not yet." "I have! I hate old Wenkang the most. He lied to me. I only knew what love is after I met Sun Weidong. Old Wenkang is a shameless liar. I want to call and scold him!" Old Wenkang answered the phone. "Hi, is old Wenkang there?" Guanghui asked. "I'm Shen Guanghui, you stinky bastard who has no sons or grandchildren, when are you going to die? The sooner a person like you dies, the better." Old Wenkang was probably taken aback and hung up immediately.Guanghui and I fell on the bed and laughed. "Didn't you say that after graduation, he sent you a card?" "I lied to you. He didn't look for me. I just couldn't accept that I was deceived. I used to think it was an extraordinary love." Guanghui fell asleep sadly. At night on the small island, the only sound is the cry of the toad in the grass.I miss my man so much, I shake a phone to give him. "Where are you? I can't find you." He said anxiously. "I was on Lamma Island. Di Zhi was drunk. I accompanied her to find Deng Chufa. Guang Hui was here too. She was asleep. I won't be back until early tomorrow morning." "I miss you." He never said that to me. "Will we have a tomorrow?" I asked him.What happened to Di Zhi made me pessimistic about men. "It's late, go to sleep." He didn't answer me. Early the next morning, Deng Chufa bought breakfast for us, and Dizhi was still sleeping on his bed. "Did you talk to her last night—" I asked Deng Chufa. "I'm not that kind of man," he said. "She doesn't love me anymore, and while she certainly wouldn't have rejected me last night, I don't want to." After Di Zhi woke up, Deng Chu sent us to the pier. When we arrived in Hong Kong, Lin Fangwen was waiting for me at the pier.He confirmed our tomorrow with his actions. If there are many kinds of happiness in the world, this is the most touching one. "Why are you here?" I asked him. "You said you'd be back this morning." "It's really touching!" Dizhi teased him. Guanghui also joined in making fun of him, and sang with Dizhi: "I'm envious of others!" It was the first time the three of them met. Dizhi and Guanghui left, and Lin Fangwen and I walked hand in hand in Central. "Why did you say that to me yesterday?" I asked him. "Which sentence?" "I miss you very much," I said. He was silent, and I suddenly felt that his silence was very unusual. "Did you think of another person last night, so you told me that you miss me very much?" He stared at me, and I knew what I was feeling was real.I don't know men well, and my understanding of love is superficial, but I feel like a lover, and I can't be wrong. "I'll take you somewhere," he said. I walked beside him, silently.He was waiting for me at the pier because of his guilt, not my happiness.If there are many kinds of misfortunes in the world, this is one of the ridiculous misfortunes. Lin Fangwen walked to Lan Kwai Fong. Lan Kwai Fong in the morning was a different world from that in the evening. The breakfast shop on the slope was full of men and women reading daily newspapers.He went to the end of the ramp, where there was a bar, which was closed, and he took me up to the second floor, where I could see a gallery on the first floor of the opposite building. In the gallery, a woman in a snow-white long-sleeved nightgown is drawing.The woman appeared to be thirty years old, with long hair hanging on her chest and spreading to her waist. She was tall and thin, about five feet eight inches, without makeup, and had ivory white skin. A big mouth, a big nose, and a pair of eyes that don't seem to care about anything.The facial features are put together, but she is very beautiful, the kind of beauty that is very contemptuous. "Is she the one you missed last night?" I asked Lin Fangwen. He didn't answer me.In front of that outstanding woman, I suddenly felt very small. "She was my ex-girlfriend." "She looks older than you." "Several years older than me." "How long have you been apart?" "Almost a year." "Unforgettable?" I asked him. "What is unforgettable?" He asked me back. "It's been a year since we separated, and you still come here to peek at her." At that moment, another man appeared in the studio. That man was very handsome, and he seemed to be only eighteen years old.He hugged her from behind, his body swinging with her. "You separated because of him?" "She has only been with this man for a month." "Oh! So you used to come here to peek at her." I was so jealous that his heart was still in the gallery during the days with me. "She really likes men younger than herself!" "She's a very loose woman," he said. "Why did you separate?" He smiled bitterly at me: "We hurt each other." I am very jealous, Lin Fangwen and the woman in the gallery once hurt each other, the trauma is more unforgettable than the love, so although he left her, he never forgot her, and my position in his heart is obviously not as good as that woman with the big mouth. "Did you have sex with him?" I asked him. He didn't answer me. I suddenly realized that Lin Fangwen had an unusual physical relationship with the woman in the gallery, but he and I did not, so I am not as good as her. I hugged Lin Fangwen and hugged him tightly, not letting him breathe. "what are you doing?" "make love to me!" I thought that only in that way could my relationship with Lin Fangwen be comparable to his relationship with the woman with a big mouth.She slept with Lin Fangwen, but I didn't.She is flirting with him, and I am just a woman who has nothing to do with him. This relationship is too insecure. He gently pushed me away: "Don't do this." "I want to make love to you." I clung to him and wouldn't let go, kissing his face, mouth and neck passionately.I have lost all dignity, begging a man to possess me, thinking that so I can possess him. He pushed me away in embarrassment: "Don't get crazy, okay?" I was rejected, felt ashamed, ran downstairs, rushed down the ramp, not knowing where to go.Why did he take me to see women with big mouths?He's in love with that slutty woman, why, why doesn't he mind her being slutty?Or did he break up with her because of her debauchery?That woman is eight years older than him, does he like women who are older than him? I went back to the dormitory in a daze and walked into his room.On that rainy morning, he gave me a ride in the taxi, and we listened to "Human World" together: "From the day we met, those teenage years..." Love captivates us from that moment on.But that morning, he probably left the dormitory to peek at women with big mouths, so he ran into me on the way back.我和林方文的爱情，竟然在那个女人的阴影下滋长，《人间》是他写给那个女人的，我竟被歌词迷住，倾慕他俩的爱情故事，真可笑！ 我拉开书桌的抽屉，里面很杂乱，我企图找到一些他和大嘴巴女人的资料，可是一无所获，只有我送给他那支蝴蝶牌口琴和那顶鸭舌帽依偎在一起。 “你干什么？”林方文突然在后面叫我。 我正在企图偷看他的私隐。为了掩饰我的无地自容，我把书桌上的东西全扫到地上，把抽屉里的东西也丢到地上。 他竟然没有阻止我。我继续将他的东西乱扔，他站在一角，没有理会我。我将所有的东西都扔在地上，筋疲力竭，他依然冷眼旁观。他铁石心肠。我要离开房间，他并没有阻止我，我走出走廊，只觉得全身没有气力，连走一步路的意志也没有。房里依然是一片沉默。我突然很害怕，我一旦离开，我们的故事便完了。 我回头，用尽全身的气力一步一步接近他的房间，我回去了，他仍然沉默。我俯身将地上的东西拾起来。 我突然很看不起自己，为什么我连一走了之的勇气也没有？大嘴巴女人一定不会象我着样。 他突然抱着我，我觉得全身酸软，象受了很大的委屈，嚎啕大哭，哭得很丑陋。 “如果你不喜欢我，不要勉强。”我说。 “你知道我为什么带你去那里吗？” “我决定忘记她，我想让你知道。” 他吻我，我闭上眼睛，跟他说： “我可以——” 我可以跟他睡，愿意跟他睡，义无反顾，即使我们将来不一定在一起。 “不用。”他说。 他温柔地抚摸我的脸颊说：“不用，现在不用。” 我把事情告诉迪之，她煞有介事地说： “男人在十八至二十五岁这段时间，会爱上比自己年纪大的女人，是恋母情意结，说得粗俗一点，是还没有断奶。” 林方文说他的母亲是一个美丽聪明的女人。虽然他已很久没有跟她说话，但他说起母亲，总是很忧郁的。他会不会象迪之所说，有恋母情意结，所以爱上大嘴巴女人？ “他为什么喜欢放荡的女人，男人不是喜欢纯情的女人吗？”我说。 “纯情的女人是天使，放荡的女人是魔鬼，魔鬼总是比较好玩的。”迪之说。 我瞒着林方文，约了迪之和光蕙在画廊对面那间酒吧喝酒，其实是去偷看大嘴巴女人。大嘴巴女人那天没有画画，她站在画廊的落地玻璃前喝水，不是用杯喝水，而是拿着一个有手柄的玻璃瓶喝水，那种玻璃瓶可以倒满八杯白开水。 “她很饥渴呢。”迪之说。 “她的嘴巴真的很大。”光蕙说。 “大得容得下我的一只拳头。”我说。 “她的样子很特别。”光蕙说，“眼睛大、鼻子大、耳朵大、嘴巴最大，但凑在一起又不太难看。” “象专门吃少男肉的女妖。”我说。 “所以你的林方文给她吃了！”迪之大笑。 “你笑得很淫！”我说。 “是吗？我真的笑得很淫？”她竟然从手袋拿出一面镜子照照看，说：“果然很淫，男人喜欢这种笑容。”又说，“你看，大嘴巴女人正在淫笑。” 画廊里，出现了一个男子，大嘴巴女人似乎又换了男伴，也是廿岁出头的年轻男子，比上一个更俊朗。 迪之站起来说：“我们上去。” “上去？”我犹豫。 “怕什么？反正她不认识我们。” 沿着大厦楼梯走上一楼，便是大嘴巴女人的画廊。画廊只有七百多尺，卖的都是些抽象派的作品，主角多数是人，正确一点说，是一些看来象人的人。 大嘴巴女人并没有特别注意我们，她正在向一双外籍男女介绍一幅画。俊朗少年沿一道旋转楼梯跑上上层。林方文说，大嘴巴女人住在画廊楼上，可以想象，上面有一张很宽敞很凌乱的弹簧床，是大嘴巴女妖吸收少男精华的地方。 外籍男女并没有买画，离开的时候，那名外籍男子跟大嘴巴女子说： “再见，费安娜。” 她的名字叫费安娜。油画上的签名也是费安娜。 画廊里只剩下我们，大嘴巴女人费安娜并没有理会我们，我们三个看来实在不象来买画。当费安娜在我身边走过的时候，她身上有一股很特别的味道，不象香水，也不象古龙水，是橄榄油的味道，还有一点儿松节水的味道。 我问迪之：“你嗅到她身上的味道吗？” “是她的内分泌吧？放荡的女人身上会有一股内分泌失调的味道。” “胡说！那是画家的味道。”光蕙说，“颜料要用橄榄油调开，画笔要用松节水洗涤。” “是，正是那种味道。”那种味道使她显得很特别。 “你怎么知道？”我问光蕙。 “孙维栋也画油画的。” “离开吧，这里没有什么发现。”迪之说。 我在画廊的尽头看到一张画。一个少年站在一条空荡的街上，那个少年是林方文。 “什么？他是林方文？只有一只眼睛，没有嘴巴和鼻子，你也认出他是林方文？”她们不相信我。 “不象，不象林方文。”光蕙说。 “这个根本不象人，象头独角兽，你说这头独角兽是你的林方文？”迪之说。 她们凭什么跟我争论呢？当我第一眼看到那张油画，我的心怦然一动，我意识到他的存在，他存在画中，存在画中那条空荡的街道上，虽然没有一张完整的脸，也没有完整的身体，却有林方文的神韵和他独有的、喜欢叫人失望的神情。恋人的感觉不会错。 “是他，我肯定这个是他。”我说。 迪之和光蕙还是不同意。 “这幅画要卖多少钱？”我问大嘴巴费安娜。 我要从她手上拿走这幅画，我不要让林方文留在那里。 “你疯了！你哪来这么多钱？”迪之跟我说。 大嘴巴女人走过来，看见我指着林方文的画，淡然说： “这张画不卖。” “不卖？那为什么放在这里？”迪之跟她理论。 “不卖就是不卖。” “要多少钱？”我问她。 “我说过不卖。”她回到沙发上，又拿起那个玻璃瓶大口地喝水。 她不肯卖，我无法强人所难，只好离开画廊。一条空荡的街上，只有林方文一个人，那是不是大嘴巴女人的内心世界？在她空虚的心里，来来去去，只有林方文一个人。她只怀念他，她对他，有特殊的感情，跟其他少年不同。他在她的生命里，不是过客，而是唯一可以停留的人。这个发现对我来说，太可怕了。