Chapter 2 Chapter two

Qi Ming, August 2002: For those on the train, we children lying on the platform beside the railway tracks are just a very common picture in the scenery whizzing by from window to window, but they don’t know , how many times have those children lying down and looking up at the sky secretly cried. I went home once after a heavy rain, but there was still no one in the house.There is no food and the air is very cold.I saw a thick wad of money that my mother put down on my bed.I look at them and feel nothing.Only the sound of rain outside the window, like the background music in a movie, is infinitely amplified.

Lan Xiao's number kept appearing repeatedly in the phone records.There were calls almost every hour from 6am to 3am.I suddenly feel very sad.I called, but Lan Xiao was not at home. When I hung up the phone, I seemed to see Lan Xiao sitting on the floor holding her knees while guarding the phone.Her hair fell down over her sad face. A layer of soft dust fell on my desk, and I wrote Lan Xiao's name with my fingers. My desk is still the same as it was the day before my college entrance examination. There are reference books and calculation papers everywhere. On the wall, there is a card given to me by Lan Xiao, which reads: I wish Qi Ming a successful college entrance examination -- Bush Jr.

I found a stack of letter paper from the pile of books, and suddenly wanted to sit down and write a letter to Lan Xiao.I turned on the desk lamp, and suddenly it seemed that I had returned to the days before July when I was surrounded by the aroma of coffee. "Lan Xiao, are you okay? I've been with C and the others for the past few days. We decided to go to a private school in Xi'an and start a band there. A friend of mine said that the music in that city is very good. So I want to see it. And that city has ancient city walls and a forbearing sunset, I think it must be very beautiful, I will take pictures for you when I have time.

"While I was wandering aimlessly in the street that day, I met an old man with all white hair and beard. We sat down in the garden in the middle of the street and chatted. I forget what we said, but it was strange that in the end I I actually cried. I have never cried in front of others. Am I useless? You must be laughing at me. I forgot to tell you that the old man looks very much like my grandfather. My grandfather is in Xinjiang, and I Haven't seen him for a long time. "You should continue to learn the piano during the summer vacation. Every time I see you playing the piano, I dare not speak. I think you are like an angel, hehe. Your fingers are so flexible, not as stupid as mine.

"I suddenly found that the train station is a good place to think about problems, because it is very noisy, but when you indulge in those noises, you will find that they don't affect you at all. There are all kinds of faces around, tears and laughter, Reunion and parting are all other people's excitement, and have nothing to do with me. "The other thing is to go to bed early. I seldom go home these days. You don't need to call me every day. I'm fine. Don't worry so much, go to bed early, and don't stay up late waiting for my call. Eyes like pandas don't look good. "

I put the letter in an envelope and wrote Lan Xiao's address neatly.When I arrived at the post office and put the letter into the mailbox, there was a dull sound when the letter fell, and my heart suddenly tightened. Then I came out of the post office not knowing where I was going to eat.I suddenly remembered a roadside stall selling beef noodles in the southwest corner of the city.So I started walking over there.The scorching sun continued to bake the city, and my walk on the steaming hot ground seemed a bit tragic. When I started to eat the bowl of noodles, I found a girl next to me was crying while eating, tears falling into the bowl drop by drop.I looked at her left hand holding a report card, because I was too hard, I could see the white bones.

I didn't speak, but my heart was so depressed. On the way home, the lights were already brightly lit, and neon lights of various colors diffused in my eyes like paint poured into water, layer by layer colorful and chaotic.Some children on the road began to celebrate their success in the college entrance examination. They put on clothes that they would not dare to wear normally, dyed their hair, and the publicity of youth filled the entire street.No one blamed them for their arrogance. All passers-by and drivers smiled at them. The time was so happy, but so cruel. Didn’t anyone see children smiling and crying at the same time?

I raised my head trying to hold back my tears, only to find that the sky was unprecedentedly dark, with no moonlight or starlight.It's like a kind of despair, multiplying without bounds, and finally covering everything. Lan Xiao in December 2000: If waiting can bring a miracle, then I am willing to wait forever, whether it is a year or a lifetime. Zhejiang rarely snows in winter, and in the city where I live, there is almost no snow.So this Christmas lacked the necessary atmosphere for me, so I naturally dragged Qi Ming to escape the so-called classic dance carefully planned by several cadres in the class.

There are many people on the street, and there are young boys and girls in couple clothes everywhere. In the winter of 2001, I was already a sophomore in high school, and somehow I became Qi Ming's girlfriend. I remember that it was very windy that morning, and Qi Ming was waiting for me downstairs on my bicycle.When I showed up, Qi Ming said: I like you, can you be my girlfriend?He looked down at me, blushing so funny. Then I didn't speak for three minutes.I saw Qi Ming's expression changed from blushing to surprised to anxious to terrified, as if he was watching an interview for a student of the film acting department.The reason why I didn't speak was because I was scared to death, but my expression mistakenly conveyed the illusion of "I'm going to cry" to Qi Ming.

He said nervously, don't cry, there is no righteousness in business, don't scare me. Then I started laughing so hard I almost turned my hands into front feet.Qi Ming said with an annoyed look on his face: "What are you laughing at, I'm serious!" Then I stopped smiling suddenly, stood up straight and said: Qi Ming, I like you too. Since then, I often look at my diary of the day, and I see myself writing on the light blue page: "That day I saw Qi Ming's smile as clear as the sun for the first time. His eyes were narrowed, his teeth were so white, and his smile was like the warmest wind in winter. I could feel his happiness even sitting on the back seat of Qi Ming's bicycle. His happy whistle was filled in the winter mist, and ** was crossing the city on his broad back, but it was not cold at all. I had Qi Ming’s scarf around my neck, and I smelled him. I asked him, Do you use perfume? He said, I’m not that sissy! After a while, he turned around and asked me seriously, does shower gel count? Then I laughed so hard that my car crashed.”

Qi Ming always feels like a child to me, but this child always accommodates me infinitely. For a while, I rushed an English manuscript and wrote until two o'clock in the morning every day.Then I called Qi Ming and told him that I finished writing. He always said to me in a helpless voice: Miss, you called to tell me that you finished writing, right?It's two o'clock in the morning, do you want me to live?But I always hang up the phone unreasonably, and then sleep happily with my pillow in my arms. On the day when I finished the manuscript, I went to bed very early, but I was woken up by the phone in the middle of the night. I heard Qi Ming's voice, and he said pitifully, "Lan Xiao, why don't you call me? I miss you so much." sleep.I looked at my watch, it was already four o'clock, so I smiled happily, and then fell asleep deeply.In the dream, there was Qi Ming's childish face, holding a guitar, smiling, young and good-looking. There is a deserted playground behind the school, covered with weeds, and when the wind blows, there is a smell of earth and grass.The edge of the lawn is a white incomplete wall, which has been in disrepair for a long time, and the cracks of the cement vicissitudes can be seen under the peeling white paint.This wall is the notepad of Qi Ming and I. We agreed to write down all the things we think are worth remembering.Qi Ming writes on the left, and I write on the right.Every time I take a 2B pencil and write on the right side, I really want to see what Qi Ming wrote, but he always smiles and refuses to let me see, he says I am writing bad things about you, how can I let you see . In fact, if you think about it carefully, everything I wrote was owed to me by Qi Ming. For example, I wrote "Qi Ming borrowed my mobile phone to make long-distance calls in August 1999 and didn't pay my phone bill", "Dining in August 1999 made me a stranger." People pay the bill and don't appreciate it", "In January 2000, I forgot the time to play football after school and made me wait at the campus gate for an hour". The days flowed slowly under my 2B pencil. Two years later, I always think about the weather, time, scene, characters and mood at that time.I burst into tears just thinking about it.I suddenly understood that it was impossible to go back, and the time reversal was just a beautiful myth to deceive children. But, if you can, please make up another story to trick me, okay? August 2002 Qi Ming's youth is a mystery, just like my ideal, the ideal is lost, I don't know where it is wandering endlessly to the sky, stubbornly refusing to come back. A few days later I withdraw a thick wad of money from the ATM.I stood poker-faced as the machine spewed out pink bills.I think my mom was smiling when she found out the money was missing from the card, because her proud son still can't get rid of the money she gave him.Maybe as my mother said, there is nothing in this world that money can't do. I used the money to buy Coke, alcohol, and cigarettes for C and the others. I squandered the money in restless bars at midnight, on various rock CDs, and on a road with no beginning or end.That road seems to be our youth, but it seems not, because it is too dark to see clearly. In a disco called "Earthquake", there is a girl who plays very well. Every time I hear her playing discs, I feel like I am exploding again and again, rising to a higher place, and finally The smoke dissipated without a trace.Once I asked her, I said what is your name, she raised her head and looked at me with blurred eyes and said, My name is Athena, I want to kiss a beautiful boy when I see him.Then she leaned her head back and started kissing me.When her tongue touched my teeth, I suddenly pushed her away, she looked at me and smiled, and said while laughing, why, do you have a girlfriend or a little virgin who hasn't kissed before? I staggered to the bathroom and started throwing up, my stomach was burning from drinking too much.I vomited again and again, crying while vomiting, because I missed Lan Xiao, I don't know if she is sleeping now, or waiting for my call. I washed my face with cold water, but the tears still couldn't be stopped. The tap water flowed down my face, and the more I cried, the more sad I became.I found 2B's pencil and paper from the old satchel, and I wanted to write a letter to Lan Xiao.When the pencil was drawn across the white wall, I suddenly remembered the white wall of the school. I thought it must be very lonely now, because no one went to see it for a long time. "Lan Xiao, I'm fine, don't worry. I've been singing karaoke for the past few days, and they said I sing very well. I started to find that I like to sing some old songs, very old songs. Every time I sing I always like to recall. Perhaps young people are unwilling to recall no matter what, and those who like to recall are already old, so old that they must rely on memories to cherish some things, to pay homage to some things, and to bury some things. "C They sing so badly, but I cried several times when I heard them sing. I didn't tell them when my tears fell into the wine glass. Why was I suddenly moved, and sadness suddenly surged up from the invisible place deep in my throat, making me very sad. "Sometimes we go to the movies. I watched "TRAINSPOTTING" three times in the past few days, guessing the train. Sometimes I feel like those children in it, very helpless and in a hurry. I forgot their names, but I remember their faces, they are not young, but they are aging quickly. They stand on the boundary between young and old and look around, stopping for a long time, feeling that they have never been so emotional. "How are you doing these days? I miss you very much, and I hope you are happy. Have you received the admission letter from Peking University? I heard them say that the admission letter from Peking University is very beautiful." After I finished writing, I found that I cried out. I have never heard what my crying looks like when I grow up. I didn't expect it to be so hoarse and unpleasant.Someone outside the bathroom kept urging me to open the door. I raised my head and cursed loudly in a hoarse voice: Get out!