Chapter 25 Part 4 I have broken a glass into silence

Part 4 I have broken a glass into silence Cheng Mo I admit that I should not miss them so early, because they are still young. --Inscription At two o'clock in the night, I suddenly thought of Cheng Mo - my guitar master.I haven't thought of him for a long time.Cheng Mo, whom I met five years ago, wore white clothes and blue trousers, and claimed to be from Nanjing.And now it suddenly occurred to me that he might not be from Nanjing, and Cheng Mo might not be his real name. I know him because he's my friend's boyfriend, and of course because he's a guitar player (before I started college, I thought I'd fall in love with a guitar player when it was time to fall in love).Later he told me that in the beginning he didn't like me or didn't care about me at all.It's no wonder that any man would not pay attention to a girl who is somewhat ordinary and perverse, not to mention that I am still a ignorant little tail who is very annoying when others are in love. I wandered around with them without knowing it. Cooking, lighting the stove together in the winter, and sleeping together in one bed.Later, he worked in a piano store in the basement of Huangzhuang. He didn't get paid. He just lived in the basement and had two meals a day with very little oil and water.And I often skipped classes to go to his shop to learn piano, sing, and do homework.He took me to the rap tapes: Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, Rolling Stone, etc.At that time, in order to add money to the meal card, I was still selling mouth tapes in Haidian Book City.I remember being the only girl who sold the mouth tape.I stood with them in the winter wind, my hair disheveled, my face pale, and I ran as fast as I could when I heard the police coming.

Gradually, I joined him in singing jobs in bars (if you recall a girl in a bar a few years ago who neither sang nor listened well, it must be me).Every time I finish writing a song, I will play the piano and sing it to him-he is the only audience.At that time, I didn't think that this would pave the way for me to become the lead singer of a band in the future.He said, your singing is not good, really not good, but he paused and said, I like it very much.So I knew that my singing was not good. After many years of singing, it was still not good. My voice was extremely thin, and no one thought it was beautiful.After all, there are only a few people who praised me, including some foreigners. I always think that foreigners are uneducated, so I privately feel that these evaluations may not be reliable, but they are enough for my poor vanity.

Time is thinner than water, so the past has passed.He has always tolerated me in such a good temper to disturb his peaceful life.He just scolded me once for not talking too much to those frivolous boys hanging around the piano store.Gradually, I found that he was the only one in the city who bought me two dollars of Melissa with the money he worked in the bar, and I was the only one who used the meager student allowance to buy him two dollars for fever relief medicine man.We all live alone and in parallel, and the other is only a vague and dispensable consolation. Remember when I don't go to that basement, another girl will come.She's from another school, sophomore or junior.She is also a southern girl, Cheng Mo said that she is very similar to me, with big eyes, but darker than mine.But I think she is prettier and more outgoing than me.She always likes to sing or dance in front of Cheng Mo - I can't dance.A year after Cheng Mo disappeared, she came to me suddenly.I was standing outside drying clothes in my white dress.We sat by the side of the road all afternoon, and she never mentioned Cheng Mo.As night approached, she insisted on leaving.Then she never came again.After a long time, I suddenly understood why she came to me.She may have fallen in love with Cheng Mo, and she thought I was Cheng Mo's closest person.I suddenly thought of this because I remembered that there is a "Hui" in her name, and I know that all the girls named "Hui" in our place are very stubborn, and there are some things they will never say.In this era, they are likely to take a long time to learn to use a computer, a long time to learn to fall in love with someone, and a longer time to learn to forget the bitter love in the blood.The reason why I know this is because I remembered that there used to be a word "Hui" in my name, but I abandoned it many years ago.And those sisters named "Hui" floated around me like drifting duckweeds, and had nothing to do with me.

On the night of July 15, 1996, on the empty streets of Zhongguancun, I suddenly didn't want to be like Cinderella in the fairy tale, returning to the dormitory before twelve o'clock.I exhaled silently, then sat at the school gate and waited.I called him because he was the only one I could call, and he finally came because he didn't think it was safe for a girl to hang out late at night after all.His belt was tied, and he was deflated, and he was carrying me "cracking" around corners.He didn't have a penny on him, and I didn't have enough money to make up a belt, and there were no car repairers at that time.We walked along the river, past fireflies, dew, wild wormwood, melon watchers' arbors, bridges, and the wind.He talked to me intermittently, and I just listened and didn't say anything.He never talks about his parents.He told of a girl he corresponded with, who fell in love but never met.The night was so dark that I had to reach out for his hand.My hand paused in his for a moment and then quickly let go because of the fact that I'm still shy about holding hands with a man.Later, we stopped under a bus stop sign.He was lying on the narrow bench with a tired look on his face.I knelt down and whispered softly in his ear: Cheng Mo, when I have money, I will be a record company and help you release albums.

He closed his eyes, and he said that you would kill me then. The night is as cool as water.I watched the man in white lying on the bench by the side of the road in silence.On July 15, 1996, I first noticed the resemblance between the face of a sleeping man and a baby.Later, the sky slowly dawned, the morning bus came, people came, and there was a lot of dust.We never went to that place again. Later, he came to look for me downstairs in the dormitory, and I walked downstairs wearing a white cheongsam that I usually wear in the dormitory.He looked at me in surprise, and said after a while: You are already a woman!

"You are already a woman!" These details, these voices emerged clearly again, not to prove how romantic memories we once had.No, I am no longer those romantic schoolgirls.It's just that after so many watery days, I will still be secretly shocked: youth appears thin and bleak prematurely, even at the youngest time. Later, he broke up with his girlfriend and was with another girl—a girl from a bar, so he saw me less.In winter I bought extremely cheap wool and started knitting scarves.The boys next to me watched me concentrate on knitting the scarf—it was getting longer and longer, and they envied Cheng Mo, because they probably thought I was in love with him, including Cheng Mo.But in fact at that time I was still a college girl with a watery face, flat eyebrows and eyes, and a bewildered style.I haven't learned to love yet.I went all out to knit that scarf just because I wanted to be somewhat connected to this city, to someone, so that I didn't feel too alone.I remember that during the long blank years, Cheng Mo was the only person I could care about in the big city.Still, I don't know exactly when he left the city, and when I did, I didn't miss it too much.

Our last contact was in the winter of 1998.I stood in the chilly hallway of the dormitory to answer his call from Shanghai.He said, have you made a boyfriend yet? I said no.After a pause, I said, but, I'm in love with someone. He laughed, who finally made you fall in love. I say a guitarist. Cheng Mo became serious and said, you'd better not fall in love with this kind of person. But, I say, he's the best guitar player. You don't want to be with him, Cheng Mo said. However, I insisted that he was very nice. They're always nice people like that, he's starting to get anxious, I know it, I understand them too well, they won't love a girl like you, they'll never love a girl like you.

But Cheng Mo, it's too late, too late.It's not that I didn't listen to your warning, but I finally used the end of my youth to fight the last erotic dream, until things changed and people changed, and the bleakness was infinite, and the girl who sang folk songs back then finally transformed into a street of happiness with a blurred face and a voice. Spiky female lead singer.