Chapter 24 The fourth part I broke a glass in 1993

Part 4 I have broken a glass in 1993 (1) Xiaoxia: I lived a long time, and it was the first time that I was called a "woman", which fully affirmed my Jianghu diploma and made me famous in history, so I am so proud!Being a chivalrous hero is something that everyone can do, Xiaoxia is really flattering.However, if I make a slight change, changing "female" to "big", and calling me "hero", I think it will be more worthy of the name.As for you, don't brag about your "loyalty".Once you go away, you are like a yellow crane, making me lean on the railing every day, looking through the autumn water!

The third year of high school was difficult, and the whole thing was "lonely without a master".All the old classmates are busy taking college entrance exams, so they don't write any more letters.I am alone "miserably miserable".Fortunately, I read a book, it was really fun, there are all kinds of weird things: what warlocks, witches, dwarfs, howlers, glass cats, cube beasts, paper-cut girls, smoking kitchen knives, and a gaudy, Crazy Rag Girl.For she was made of the brightest rags of all sorts, and the Scarecrow fell in love with her at first sight, and said she was "the prettiest thing he ever saw."I also made a rag doll, but she's ugly!

A girl in our house hates the history teacher very much. Last night I led a group of girls to hide under the window of his dormitory and wailed and sang "Tang Bohu Spots the Autumn Fragrance". I didn't know it was you, see me call your name tomorrow morning!We were all overjoyed. In physical education class, I accidentally stepped on a table tennis ball and threw it at the foot of the boy next to the table. He yelled, "If you step on it, pay for it!"What a pleasure.After the thunder, the heavy rain came.Sitting upright in a classroom with rain leaking from the roof, putting an enamel cup under your feet, and listening to the dripping water is better than listening to the teacher's noise on the stage.For the self-study, I took out Liang Shiqiu's "A Memory of a Dream in Huaiyuan", the cover is old, and the pages of the book are upside down.

When I went shopping on Sunday, I saw three young men in fancy clothes, and my companion "this gentleman is also".Not long after, one of the gentlemen took out his wallet from the basket of my car.I turned around and said kindly, "Those are my glasses." He was quite embarrassed, so he had to return it to me, and he also smiled and said, "Are you short-sighted?" I said earnestly, "Yes, yes, if You took it away, how can I go to class, how can I take the exam!" He was still thinking about it, and he had the intention of sworn to the rivers and lakes, so I went with my head held high.Thinking that I was so seasoned when I first dealt with the gangsters, could it be that I really have the material to be a "big sister"?proud for a long time.

A few days ago, I was fortunate enough to be elected as a delegation representative and went to the school assembly for a meeting.Meetings are planned by carnivores, and have nothing to do with me.But after thinking about it, it is also a pleasure to look at Master Liang Shiqiu without going to self-study, so I happily went there with the book.After a certain elder finished reading the lengthy "work report", in order to express democracy, he asked: Do you have any opinions?raise your hand.I secretly wondered, if democratic rights are not used at this time, when should I be the first to applaud democracy, and the applause was thunderous in an instant, making the report passed successfully.Another agenda is "election".A woman handed out ballots and told me: Don't vote for me!I am very happy: I choose you!So all the candidates were deleted, leaving only the name of this woman.Nauseous, with a sinister smile, showing yellow teeth.The photographer lost no time, thinking that this was the best shot to embody democracy, but it was taken by the shutter, and it was too late for me to put my face away.A few days ago, a huge photo was hung on the throat of the school, which is a model of implementing democracy.Looking forward, it's like my mother is reborn, without salt.Those who do good things flock to it, and those who know me go to pay their respects without hesitation, and then laugh at it, saying that some parts of me are very hazy, and revenge for being teased by me in every possible way back then.

In the self-study class, I counted the anecdotes in the world and laughed for Bo Xiaoxia.I have to be more vigilant, don't let the teacher find out.Not a coward, the college entrance examination is forced! wish Three taels happy, fifty cents happy, plus a spoonful of chili sauce! 5/7/93 Heroes: Couldn't help writing to you because I'm having a hard time right now, toothache, teary eyes, runny nose, stuffy nose, to be exact, I'm sick - cold, fever.I was the only one in the room, and everyone went out for self-study.I also want to read, but I have a headache, so I just stay here and write to you, which can make me feel better.I try to write more correct words, not so scribbled letters.

It was fine yesterday.After taking a nap in the afternoon, everyone was in good spirits and clamored to paint, so the five boys picked up their portfolios, wore slippers, and stepped into the car to go to the southwest community.In the afternoon sun, riding a bike around in slippers, humming casually, what a joy!I was wearing the T-shirt you sent me, and the hem of my clothes fluttered in the wind, which made me feel unspeakably comfortable. There are many small red brick buildings in the southwest community.We parked the car in a small forest, bent down to watch two ants fighting on the ground for a while, and then started to draw. The snow-white Sophora japonica flowers kept falling on the drawing paper in the breeze, reminiscent of "Lai Lai Yijin". It is a pity that there is no "cow clothes and ancient willows sell cucumbers", only "big coat and bicycles sell ice cream".

Such a good weather, such a good environment, it's a pity that my painting is not good, it's a bit annoying.It was not until the last one that I was more satisfied with the painting, so I packed up my things and returned triumphantly. What happened to this page of letter paper, there is a hole for no reason, I think it allows you to see the next page.I didn't pay attention to it just now, so I had to go around it carefully, for fear that what I wrote would leak from there. Well, that page has been turned, and this page is fine. Went to blowjob at night and saw that everyone was playing really well, but I still couldn't do anything, which made me a little frustrated.It seems that I really lack musical talent. In this case, I will not force myself to learn music in the future.It doesn't matter if I don't, you can sing and play the clarinet for me, okay? Also, I'm glad you'll learn the guitar very quickly and play your own songs for me.Will you come to Beijing to go to university?

Later, I have to get up to post the letter, even if I am sick, I can't ask others to post it for me.Besides, I mail all the letters to you by myself, how can I ask others to post them? 8/6/93 at 10:45 pm Xiaoxia: Today, I was riding my small broken car on a rampage on the main road, and a big broken car came oncoming.He yelled "Ah, I don't have brakes, I don't want to show weakness, and I don't have brakes." As a result, a completely inelastic collision occurred between the big car and the small car at the intersection, and the potential energy of the big car dropped suddenly. to zero.I laughed a few times and said I'm sorry, and ran away with my little broken car confidently and vigorously.

In the evening, the four girls go to self-study together.Where to wake up tonight, three religions 3200.I opened the book and thought, this time I must concentrate on reviewing.I thought again, should I write to you?After fumbling for a long time, I found a piece of letter paper.Alas, it's always like this, writing letters while deserting during self-study.At this time, the boys and girls next to me began to whisper and climbed to the peak of science.I really want to tell them that the peak of science has long been occupied by Newton and so on, and that you have worked so hard to climb it, but it is still useless.

Part 4 I have broken a glass in 1993 (2) If you want to hear your name, just dial 3733. After a while, you will get through.Listen to your name being called over there for free, one after another.The old man is a good man, he is always very sorry to say: sorry, he is not here.I just say thank you.He called you so many times for me, I just said thank you. A song Sealed with a kiss came on the radio.I remember writing you a letter after the rain one day in high school, telling you that there was a very nice song called Sealed with a kiss.It's about people breaking up in the summer and making an appointment to see each other again. It's a letter every day, and they want to be Sealed with a kiss. One day in a literature elective class, the professor asked: Why can't we people love as naturally as the people in it? I say because we are highly educated. The professor froze for a moment, then laughed noncommittally.He probably thought it was just a silly thing said by an ignorant girl. I dreamed that I was flying a kite in a dark and small room.But the kite flew very high, and beside my ears was the cheerful Cantonese folk music ensemble with drums and gongs.When I first woke up, I still vaguely remembered a few phrases, but now I have completely forgotten them. Three different gum wrappers were taped to the envelope.Smell each one, it's really fragrant, and it's a different fragrance.I can't help being happy when I think of your salivating look when you read the letter.Well, I'm going to study English. Also: I scratched my head and scratched my ears for the first question in the chemistry test yesterday, but I couldn't solve it for a long time. After finishing the test paper, I looked back and finally solved it. October 9, 1993 Heroes: When I woke up this morning, it was already past nine o'clock. Listening to the rumble of thunder outside the window, I felt empty when I thought that you had already left. Sitting on the bed in a daze for a while, thinking that you should be in the military camp, are you very excited and happy? But you are not here, I just die all day, and no one pays attention to me. Thinking of this, I really lose interest.I had no choice but to get up lazily. After washing up, I went to the special education. It was another tired and boring day.If you would come to see me every time I finish painting for a day, I would have no complaints even if I paint every day. I went to the special education at noon, and I was riding a bicycle on the road. It was extremely hot, and I thought you would have to walk forward under the scorching sun. Alas, if I saw it with my own eyes, my heart would die. Even if I just think about it now, I still feel very distressed. I can only wait I'll reward you when you come back.Say, what reward do you want? Cycling back from the college, on the dark road, always thinking about you in a trance, back to the dormitory, sitting on the bed in a daze again.So I wrote to you, but I don't know where to send it and when it will be sent. I always want to write to you, because I want to be with you, anytime, but I can't.Fortunately, when I write to you, I feel that you are by my side.You are so beautiful in that white shirt and black dress, I like it so much, holding your hand and walking under the green peach tree, I am so indescribably happy and satisfied, I just don’t know how to express my joy. Draw a few small pictures in the room at night, and then read the book, "Tao Yuanming Collection", and saw that "Yuanming didn't understand the rhythm, but kept a stringless qin, which is suitable for every drink, and he often strokes it to convey his meaning", and he couldn't help laughing , I feel that this is exactly the same as I put a flute next to my bed.This is not to flaunt that Mr. Tao and I have sympathy for each other, but it is just as funny. Tao Qian seldom uses allusions, and his sentences are plain. He often speaks in ordinary words, but expresses his heart directly. It is a bit wronged that "Twenty-Four Poems" did not take him seriously. Well, I was tired after watching for a while, and I was about to go to bed. I heard that the rain outside the window had already stopped, and I thought you had already fallen asleep.I hate that I can't spread my wings and fly to your bedside, tuck you in the quilt, and then kiss you lightly, be careful not to wake you up. Good night, have a good dream and laugh out loud in your dreams. kiss you! July 3, 1994 Xiaoxia: I went to class in the morning and sat in the corner of the last row of the classroom, watching a beating light spot very quietly.It came out of nowhere, jumping around cunningly and cleverly.I stared at it intently, appearing and disappearing for a while.I think it may be an elf, a child of light, who set out from the sun—a distant and warm country, and traveled for a long time to come here, just like the little prince in the fairy tale.I think what kind of fantasy is this, thinking that we can really live in a fairy tale. I was tired and read a little Mechanics of Materials.I called you and wanted to get you out and talk to you, straight to the point.The phone went dead.I can't procrastinate any longer, I can't stand it anymore, my memory is always you who weeps silently.I think what did I do wrong to make you so sad?The facts are probably like this: You are not happy with me. I'm not happy either, at least not yet. It is my fault.I've said everything I need to say.I don't know why I want to escape, I feel that I still don't have the ability to bear it.I want to be alone for a while.I might not be right for you, I might not be worthy of your liking, and we might not have grown up together at all.I always blame myself almost all the time for saying things like this, it's really tiring to keep going like this! That day, when I left the school gate, I saw the tall boy under the No. 12 bus stop sign.I jumped across the road, my long hair hitting my back behind me.He greeted me kindly, and I smiled at him.At this time, the car came, and we hurriedly squeezed into the car.He took out a ten-yuan bill to buy a ticket.I said I had zero, but he insisted on buying two tickets. When the car passed the east gate, I casually said that there were women like clouds when he left the east gate. What do you mean, he said. I think he is stupid.When I say this, it means that there are many good-looking girls in Dongmen! He glanced at me and laughed. I couldn't help laughing either.I think he's so kind just because he's like that, or because he's been in the same room with you for two years. I'll get off first.He said it's a pity, or we could chat for a while, I said goodbye and squeezed to the door to jump out of the car.The wind blew over, and my long red skirt just fluttered like this.Under the lamp, I recalled the encounter during the day again, as if I saw the poplar flowers all over the sky.I could be wrong, I shouldn't be like this. April 8, 95 Part 4 I have broken a glass in 1993 (3) Heroes: I woke up this morning, lying in bed reading a book with the cover off, wondering if you would come to me. In the evening I know you will not come, you have already left.Sure enough, I was the only one left, and I suddenly remembered that song by Li Zongsheng: Actually, a person's life is not too bad... Knowing that you are gone, I don't know whether to be sad, angry, or happy.Thinking that one day you will come to knock on the door gently, and ask gently: Is Xiaoxia there.What should I do!You should ask angrily with a sullen face: What are you doing here!Still nonchalantly asking: Do you want to drink Guozhen?When you leave, will you blame me for forcing you away!I didn't do it on purpose. It was my fault that I forced you to stay in the past. Now I won't force you to do anything.If I say that I treat you badly, then I don't want to force you to leave, but I can't tell, maybe I have a bad temper, or simply say that I am just too bad.Now I am not saying this to keep you. I said before that I would leave when you couldn’t leave me. I said it with resentment.It's fine now, you don't need me anymore. I'm glad you told me your real thoughts and needs. Although I can't give you anything, at least it doesn't prevent you from finding what you want.I'm sorry, maybe I didn't know what you wanted before: perfect, the only eternal, maybe I never thought about your needs and your needs. Even knowing it is useless.I can't give you anything, I don't have what you want here, because I no longer believe in them, the perfect, the one, the eternal.I don’t believe it anymore. I told you that nothing is worse than death. It’s best for you to understand. I can’t give you what you want. Leave me and you will be free and want your dreams. It won't get in your way, I missed it before, and I won't in the future. From me, what I can give you, you know, is just occasional happiness, just like you said, more of it is sadness, disappointment, grievance... I'm sorry, really, But you can already get away with it all.This makes me a little relieved. I can't make up for anything. I only hope that your future happiness will make you forget the shadow I gave you.You're right, if I had met someone else with the same story, I think maybe it would have been, and I don't want to deny that.In fact, I don't believe that who is destined to meet whom has long been in the dark, and I don't believe that the encounter between who and whom is a fate that has been cultivated for thousands of years.Everything is accidental, just like a rain on the vast grassland, where a raindrop and a blade of grass meet.If you want to ask, the sky is full of rain, the boundless grassland, why does this drop of rain meet this leaf?There is no answer, the rain will always fall, either this leaf or that leaf; the leaf always rises, either this rain or that rain, but nothing is destined before it happens by chance, and nothing can change after it happens Change. Am I traveling through thousands of years of time and space in the vast expanse, just for the moment I meet you?Such a statement is certainly romantic, and it can be put into poetry and dreams. Forgive me, I don't believe it.I only know that our meeting was just by chance. It happened that I met you, not others; I happened to fall in love with you, not others; it happened that I hurt you, not others. Sorry, I shouldn't say that word again, I don't believe it anymore.remember?I begged you to believe it with tears in my eyes, maybe then I was afraid I wouldn't believe it either.I don't want to lie to you, I don't believe it anymore, so I can't give you any promises, I don't believe I can do it, I don't want to lie to you, let you understand as soon as possible, it's better.There may really be a perfect, unique, and eternal thing in the world, but I won't have it.It doesn't matter, I can live in another way, a person's life, at least I can feel less guilty, I know that I have made a lot of mistakes and I can't make up for it, I really didn't mean it, I just hope that I won't make mistakes anymore.What should one do in one's day?Read a book, read a foreign language, play the guitar, you will laugh when you say it, a person like me plays the guitar, you will think that I defile this sacred thing, but I am playing, enjoying myself: 3 3 3 3 2 1 1 7 6 6 1 3 ... only a few bars, and I think I will play these few bars in my life. After playing for a while, I was bored, so I went downstairs to make a phone call, "Du-doo--" No one answered.Not at home?Wait for it to ring five times and still not answer, wait two more times, put down the microphone, a little disappointed, but also a little lucky, if it is connected, what can I say? "I'm bored now, I'm alone, no one is playing with me"? No, I won't say it, why get stuck again, what's wrong with being alone? Back in the house, Piggy said to watch the video, so he went with him.Sitting in the dark, I suddenly wanted to cry, but couldn’t shed tears, and laughed at myself stupidly, “Even if loneliness makes me sad, I will try to let myself think about it…” I was thinking wildly, ignoring what was on the screen.Suddenly the light came on, and it turned out that the film was over.Take your photos back if you want, I only keep two, one was taken when you were seventeen, and the other is standing in the bamboo forest.For other things, you can tell me what you want to take away, and you can give me back whatever you want. Speaking of this, it seems that I can’t go on, forget it, let’s do it! wish everything goes well 09.06.95 Xiaoxia: After the test, I was very tired.When I came back, I saw that the ginkgo tree in front of the building had turned yellow, and the leaves were floating down like butterflies, all over the place.After thinking about what to call you, I hesitated.After all, you are too far away from me.Your face starts to blur.At this time, my chest became hot, and I thought to myself, you should be able to see such a beautiful tree and such a short autumn in Beijing.I want you to see it.I want to take you to see the most beautiful autumn.Yes, I want to hold your hem and tell you, here it is.I want to take you to see the wild flowers blooming on those hillsides.Walk along the river, through the winding paths of those villages, and you will see a big lake with mist floating on it.The hillside is full of small yellow flowers, many, many flowers, and I picked a full bosom.The sun is beautiful, right on me.I stood there with flowers in my arms, unable to speak.Those flowers bloomed without any scruples in the sun.I feel like something is growing in my body too.However, nothing.I'm just withering.Every day I sit in the classroom I know that the time will come when all memories will die.I am glad that time has come, when pain, shame and sweetness will all die.I really want to take you to see autumn, the autumn that I can't see without you.I watched it silently.I don't feel terribly alone, because that's the way it is.You know that's how it is.I finally realized that my past was ridiculous. I was worried that you would marry me, but I never thought that you would give me up. I just want to show you those flowers.Those simple lives, simple joys.I think I can really give transparent and simple happiness, just like those autumn flowers give me happiness.I just want to prove to you that I can give you what they can give me.If I take you to see those flowers. Autumn in Beijing is short-lived.I'm still very composed.Serenity is a girl's secret conspiracy. I don't resent, as much as I want to resent the world you live in, the world I love so much.I played a little kid in that world, believing with all my heart that I was pampered, not knowing that I would be abandoned.It didn't occur to me that the deepest hurt came from those closest to me.I cannot possess your happiness.I'm just as happy because I won't be deeply hurt by love.All the beauty of autumn will have nothing to do with me, but I still look up in the sun, very happy. September 1996 Remark: In 1992, Daxia (female) met Xiaoxia (male); In 1993, Daxia and Xiaoxia studied at the same university; In 1996, Xiaoxia fell in love with his beautiful female classmate and broke up with Daxia; In 1999, Xiaoxia's girlfriend left Xiaoxia and flew to California, USA with her new boyfriend; In 2001, Daxia studied in the United States alone; In 2001, Xiaoxia suffered a sudden attack of congenital heart disease in China and died on the drawing board at work at the age of 26.It has been a long time since the hero found out about this matter. It is said that when we were young, everyone's stories were similar.It's just that the ending might be a little different.