Chapter 14 The most meaningful life - seven months before the college entrance examination

The most meaningful life - seven months before the college entrance examination Life and death, day and night, are also dead and dead, and the realm is dangerous and evil. Seeing mistakes and making mistakes is beyond the reach of the world. Painful and painful, what a pain! I opened the door of the table belly, not knowing what to do next, and I kept reciting Wen Tianxiang's "The Preface to the Guide" all the time.I've never memorized such a nasty article so well - which should be considered an improvement. I'm working harder now, but I feel more uncomfortable.When the midterm exam just ended, I thought the day was over.

There will be no more problems if I write on my stomach at night, but this is not the case. I don't know why I always stay in winter.November, December, it seems that several lifetimes have passed, and it is not over yet.Then I think about the following January and February—I really want to hit someone sometimes, or I can’t beat others and get beaten.I don't hate winter, I just don't want to stay in one environment for a long time. B said, don't do this, as soon as winter is over, the time is really very little, and everything will be over soon. Now we are moving more and more from classroom to classroom. F said that we should actually connect all the classrooms, so that it will be more convenient. F is talking about friends recently, and the object is a person from the third class that we don't know very well.Various rumors about her and him were circulating in the corridors. B kept saying: Du Shuangxiao is now different than usual.She was smiling when she said it, but I could see that she didn't like F's boyfriend at all. B is always willing to take care of me, sit down and teach me to be good, treat myself well, don't skip meals, read books, don't wander around, don't waste time doing nothing, but she didn't say a word to F In a similar way, the friendship between her and F is just about playing together and having a good time—so I know she has a special concern for me, and she values ​​me very much.I feel better about her.

On Monday morning, the papers of last week's math test were distributed.My grades are not good anyway.At noon, A walked into 111 again, sat down next to me, and asked me to show him the test paper.My deskmate happened to be discussing the topic with another person sitting by the window seat, and I saw her winking and smiling at this.I ignored her, handed the paper to A, and said: "Why do you have to read my paper every time?" Cross and red circle, and said kindly: "...Actually, there is no big problem, just need to read more books. Books need to be read, and reading once is not enough." God knows if I have read it even once.He went on to say: "Do the questions. If you are doing mathematics, you need to do more questions." He turned his face to me, "What do you do? I will do it with you. If you have any questions, let's discuss it together." I stared He nodded and wanted to laugh, but he didn't know where to put that smile on his face, so he didn't smile in the end, looking very embarrassed.I found it a strange thing to sit down with someone close to me and discuss study in a serious way. I couldn't tell what it was like, but it was very uncomfortable.

A discussed with me about the math test papers, and he really sat there and worked on the questions with me.We were also listening to "Mozart Makes You Smarter" each with a headset.At this time, Mr. Zhang ran in the door—probably because our classroom was very noisy, he felt it necessary to come and stand for a few minutes.He stood still at the door, and the classroom was really quiet—I just heard him say: "If you don't have to talk, don't talk. Hurry up." I squinted at his movement, as if I felt that he was staring at me and A Qiong, I watched it for a full two minutes, then walked away.I said: "Mr. Zhang, why is he always walking around?" A said: "This is his hobby. One day someone asked him, what are your hobbies after teaching? He said, I like to walk in the hallway. Pockets in and out, telling the students not to talk." I laughed out loud.I am now very proficient at laughing.

I started making up lessons - I found out. I don't know if this is the darkest time for my academic performance.The so-called "most..." is always known after the fact.When you know it, it's all over.At this moment, all I knew was to stumble to the elementary school where the classroom borrowed by the make-up teacher was located.I was in a hurry along the way, hanging on the handrail of the bus, doing intense car fitness exercises.Everyone else in the car looked at me sympathetically.I know my schoolbag looks unbelievably big, but unfortunately I have no way to let others know that I don't feel heavy when I carry it - on the contrary, I have to carry it all the time, otherwise people will not be able to maintain balance and walk stumbling , to wrestle.

I know I'm bad.But when I was walking in the corridor with a big schoolbag on my back and a thick stack of papers in my hand, I was just relieved to realize that now I can sit quietly in a small classroom with small desks and chairs for elementary school students. Here, I listened to the teacher's lectures in an environment with few people. There are not many people in the classroom.I subconsciously sat in the back row of seats in the middle of the classroom that I thought had excellent visual and auditory effects.I like this classroom because its windows are designed so large that the interior is brighter than the exterior.I spread out the paper in front of me, paved it flat, and then began to look around this lovely classroom leisurely.I first look at the dark green frosted glass blackboard in front of me, then at the lower half of the wall painted with green paint, then at the learning field on the wall, the form for becoming an advanced team, and then at the posters of Zhang Heng and Zu Chongzhi - when I was in elementary school , there are also the faces of these few people in the classroom, plus Huang Jiguang and Madame Curie, and Marx and Engels in the corridor-these paintings make them the most famous people in the world.

Following me, many more people started to walk into the classroom.I looked absently toward the door and saw the man walk in.He also saw me and greeted me with a smile.I watched him land next to me—for there was vacant next to me—the excellent seat. The second time I sat with him to make up lessons.The last time was also because there was an empty seat next to me.He seemed to be in a hurry that time, and he forgot to bring the draft paper, so he had to share it with me.So we chatted, and then I knew that his school was on the other side of the city, forming a long diagonal line with my school.He said he really liked the middle back row of seats in the classroom, and I said I did too.Today we are back in our favorite seats.I don't know if others have taken a fancy to this seat, anyway, I am very proud of it.Sitting in this way, the surroundings appear open, and I can listen to the class with peace of mind.

That person and I checked the physical practice papers we had done in a special kind of short furry sunshine in the afternoon, trying to understand the topics that we did wrong or couldn't do.In our hands, on the two upper corners of the table, there are two calculators for me and his.Suddenly we found that each other’s calculators were exactly the same SHARP EL-509G. We looked at each other and smiled cautiously. At that moment, my mind turned to a field other than mechanics. I thought, this person looks like It's a bit like A. We sat in that good seat with peace of mind, listened to the class with peace of mind, and fiddled with the calculator with peace of mind.I don't know the name of this person next to me, and it never occurred to me to know.

Then there was a break between classes.He looked first at my calculator, then at my face.Our conversation starts with the calculator.I foolishly pointed to his calculator and said, "Why is it the same?" He said, "Yes. There seem to be many people using this kind of calculator." I said, "Yes." Then I held my own calculator, looked at it for a while, and asked: "What is the use of Random?" He leaned over, as if there was no Random key on his own, looked at it and said: "Random number. I don't know what it is used for." What's the use." The conversation seemed to be unable to proceed.After a pause, he said again: "In our class, when we are bored, we play with random numbers. Dial a random number, then draw the square root, and see if you win or lose." I glanced at him and said, "Oh." It's strange that someone can come up with such a boring gameplay.

The teacher smoked a cigarette and walked back to continue class.That person continued to turn over the papers, read the papers, and do the questions in his unique way, and occasionally dialed a random number by himself, looking very lonely.Random numbers are wonderful things.I never knew what it was used for, but we need it. There was an air of sleep in the classroom slowly falling from the ceiling.My eyelids closed very, very slowly.Suddenly, someone poked me in the arm.It's this guy sitting next to me.He looked at me with a smile and whispered: "Don't fall asleep." Then he raised the calculator in his hand and asked: "Come?" He really looks a bit like A. "Of course." I said.We met eyes quickly.

He looks at the blackboard.I looked at the blackboard, picked up a pen and worked on the topic in my hand.We start to dial random numbers at random—start randomly, stop randomly, end randomly, and the random numbers we dial out are given the meaning of winning or losing by us, jumping frequently on the screen, flashing and flashing—like He and I participated in the same remedial class randomly, sat together randomly, thought of dialing random numbers randomly, and artificially created and maintained the opportunity to dial random numbers. I looked at him with my head on my hands and thought of A.I remembered that one evening, A and I were sitting in the classroom, and he was slowly telling me something about Newton.The Newton he talked about was not the Newton of classical mechanics in the physics book - he just said casually, well, Newton did something... He told me about Newton, as if he was talking about a classmate we both knew.In the end, he sighed and said, look, Newton is still a pretty man.I said, is it? I leaned my head over. ——I can’t remember the weather at that time, maybe because it was neither hot nor cold — I can’t tell why it was neither hot nor cold, maybe it was a little bit cold? I only remember the shadow of the sun in the afternoon.Afternoon is evening, light blue sky of evening. I got bumped on the elbow.The person next to him tapped his calculator.I reached out and tapped twice on my calculator right at my elbow.Above the calculator is a piece of draft paper with the word "positive" drawn on it, indicating the number of wins and losses for both parties in this game.I said, "Newton—" He laughed, and said, "Not yet. What are you listening to?" He pointed to my elbow—the calculator.I lost.Lost again.I didn't understand what he meant at once, and then I found out that he was not A.I was very surprised by this discovery - why can't he be an A? Why can't the person sitting next to me be an A? Because A doesn't teach physics.Why doesn't A remedial physics? Because A adds history instead of physics.Why does A add history but not physics? Because A must make the most reasonable decision.Why is the decision that has already been made the most reasonable decision? Because it is a decision with a random component.Random numbers are the most reasonable numbers... I looked out of the low window and saw a random evening, a random sky with random colors.I was sitting next to a random guy who wasn't an A. Have I mentioned to A the person who tutored physics with me? It seems not.After leaving the cram school, I was in a dissociated state of self-deception.For the first time in my life, I forced myself to run away, to forget, to pretend nothing had happened.When curled up in bed at night, sometimes I suddenly think of the appearance of that person...the special appearance of him flipping through books and test papers, the appearance of speaking, and the appearance of dialing random numbers.He once said that seeing me sad made him sad too.But I refuse to believe him.When he finally said goodbye to me, I thought to myself that he didn't know that he would never see me again. I actually went out shopping with him.As I walked on the road, I thought it was funny: walking around with such an intimacy with such a stranger.I don't know what the word strange means.We were together, talking a lot, and then he reached out to take my hand, and the atmosphere was heavy—not sure if we were really as serious as we appeared to be, or just pretending to be.Before that, I didn't know that he would come to hold my hand, or that he would come to kiss me.Can you not blame me if I don't know? If I forget everything, can you not blame me? Every time I arrive earlier than him.I sat quietly in the middle back row of seats, and rearranged and reorganized the stack of test papers.There is no sound in the classroom, but there are many people as unlucky as I am--I know that very well.Then, at some random time, he walked in.He turned his neck at a definite angle toward where I was sitting and smiled at me.He landed beside me again, with an overly enthusiastic expression on his face - all this I only realized later, after I left him, when I was just thinking about A and my situation. In, unable to extricate themselves. I quickly met his eyes.This is the third time I have come to make up lessons, and the third time I have sat with him.His smile is like meeting an old friend in a foreign country. So far, I have been listening to the lectures as carefully as I can.This may be because the environment I am in has been as close as possible to the place I have been looking forward to and looking for. The only thing that fails to meet the requirements is the row of sofas and some unspeakable things. I stared at the dark green frosted glass blackboard. The numbers and letters written by the teacher, and the diagrams drawn by the teacher seemed to be floating on the dark green water like small plastic pieces, floating around.Electricity made my mind lazy, temporarily put away those bad thoughts that went in and out. During the break between classes, he told me that the gladiolus in his house was blooming.There was a happy and satisfied smile on his face, which made me laugh too.He took a ballpoint pen and drew an incomprehensible gladiolus flower on the desk, pulled my sleeve, motioned me to stick my head over it, pointed at the desk, pointed and said: "This is It’s red. This one—the pistil, it’s all red. These petals are all yellow...so pretty! Really!" I laughed, and looked at him with my head on my hands—this was the first time I looked at him with my heart.I found out that he turned out to be a pretty good-looking boy.He had a chiseled face the color of ivory, eyes as black and striking as his eyebrows, a thin, good-looking figure, and a movie star look—even his expression.I put my head on my hand and reached out to hit him on the shoulder with a "snap", he turned around in surprise and asked, "What are you doing?" I still put my head on my hand, chuckled and said, "Well, well... It's really pretty." He was stunned for a moment, then laughed, touched his head and said, "How can you say that about a man!" He calls himself a man—I thought quietly. We sat in silence for a while, watching other make-up people coming in and out of the classroom door.Then he suddenly said, "How is it? Where are we going for a walk?" I gave him a surprised look, and my eyes met his black eyes.I said, "Let's talk later." He said, "What do you mean by talking later?" I pressed my hands on the table and said, "Wait a minute, there is still an hour of class to go. Let's talk later." He said Quiet, there was no sound at first, and then said: "Then we can be outside for at least an hour—or a little more." I was startled, and said: "Go out now? No class?" He Said: "Now I feel very bored, I don't want to go to class anymore. If I go to class again, I will fall asleep." I laughed and said: "You are very cruel." He said: "It doesn't matter if you go to class or not. Going to class is also sleeping." I shook my heart, and it passed quickly. On the surface, I said firmly: "I won't go. I want to go to class." He said: "You don't want to go to class, I can see it." I sighed and said: "What are you going to do?" Woolen cloth?" He paused attentively, and then said, "Would you like to stay with me?" I hesitated, and said, "Okay." He said, "Then let's go." I looked at him suspiciously, into his eyes, into the back of his head.He was smiling at me.I thought in amazement: This man! A few meters behind his jet-black head, outside the window—behind the dense boxwood leaves, the sun is rushing towards our face like an ocean current, even with a faint smell of the sea. .I suddenly want to go out and want to die.I don't think there will be such an opportunity again, such a lovely weather will never happen again, only today and now I will go for a walk under the sky, so that I can live up to my own life.No matter how failed I am as a human being, no matter how failed I am, I realize that this is a self-help operation-I, at this moment, must get out, or I will die a terrible death. I stood up, picked up my schoolbag, and started organizing my pencil case.Then, before I even had time to put the things on the table back into my schoolbag, I couldn't wait to hold them in my arms and walk towards the door.The man followed me.The rest of the classroom watched us go, dumbfounded. The moment I walked out of the classroom door, I turned my head and looked around - the teacher was standing at the window at the other end of the corridor, smoking quietly, not noticing us. All of a sudden, this stranger and I were outside—an outside where no one knew us, and we didn't know each other. The wind is cool, dragging along with light golden sunlight.We walked forward and sometimes my shoulder touched his arm.I really want to keep walking like this until I die. There are quite a lot of people on the road, and banners promoting the Changfeng Park International Flower Festival are posted everywhere.He said: "What kind of flower festival is there here?" I said: "Yes. The International Flower Festival is held in Changfeng Park. Last year there was also. Have you been there?" He said: "No. How do you know this place so well? Do you live nearby?" I said, "No. A classmate lives here. She asked me to come and see it last year." He seemed to be waiting to hear what I was going to say, and then said, "How do you see it?" ?” I said, “There is nothing but people.” I kept looking at the front of the road, talking expressionlessly, and he smiled and smiled beside me, as if he was listening to a stern face. We just walked through it.The weather is really nice.He said: "Why are there so many people? It's so lively!" I said: "Hey, the Flower Festival drives economic development. It wouldn't be possible without the Flower Festival." He seemed to think about it again—he is a person He always likes to think before and after when he speaks, and he looks not very smart-said: "Really." I couldn't help but turned my head and looked at him-after thinking for so long, I actually said such a sentence.For half a second, I called A's name in private.Xiangmeicheng, I said silently. As I spoke, I reached into my pocket and touched a one-yuan coin inside. We began to keep explaining about ourselves, including our school, our classmates, our home, our hobbies, movies we like to watch, and so on.I helplessly told everything about myself to a stranger, but it seemed that what I was talking about was also about a stranger.At one point he held out his hand, and in the palm of his hand were three bars of Cadbury milk chocolate.I poked my head over it, called out, and snatched it away.He smiled and said, how do you know that I must be eating for you? I said, didn't you feed me? He still smiled. He was such a good-looking man with a smile that I excused his poor language. Walking and talking for a while, we came across a Lianhua Supermarket.I said, "I'm going to the supermarket to buy something." He followed me closely and said, "You kind of person!" I was walking on the steps, and suddenly stopped, turned around and stared at him—— How could he say the same words as A? Why did he still use the same tone as A? I hid in the repeated thoughts of A and turned around to stare at that person... It turns out that strangers can speak like A! That The man smiled at me and said, "What?" She looked at him blankly, without speaking, and then unknowingly and aimlessly released her gaze behind him. I just stopped there all of a sudden and started thinking about the tall, smiling, nice A, who wanted to tell me not to talk fart.I thought about it.The second time, I laughed quietly, and the people around me all became shorter in a trance. We walked into the supermarket, and in the freezer I found a large plate of soy milk in bags. I couldn't help being elated, and took three packs.He said next to him: "Do you eat soy milk?" I said: "Yeah." We walked back and forth between the shelves, and he told me a lot of common sense about wine. Checkout came out and we continued walking around, inside the sun and wind.There are more people and cars on the road, because it is almost the end of get off work time.I always hold two Gambol notebooks, a copy of "Laughing Marriage" that A bought for me at Jifeng Book Garden, a pencil case, a Walkman, and a Lianhua Lianhua package containing three packs of soy milk on my left wrist. Supermarket plastic bag holding three bars of milk chocolate in his right hand.That person once turned his head to look at me and said, "Are you tired? Do you want me to help you?" I shook my head silently.He stopped ringing.After a while, he said again: "Are you tired? I feel exhausted when I look at it." I shook my head and said, "Not tired." He laughed and said, "However, the way you hold the book like this Seems very refined." I smiled perfunctorily at him.I'm not pretending to be gentle, I'm going to hang on to something--always, just like I'm always on A and B. He spread his hand again, and there were three pieces of milk chocolate in his hand.I said: "Ah, give it to me!" After finishing speaking, I took the right hand holding three chocolates.He said: "Hey, you haven't eaten the first three pieces of chocolate yet." I said: "Yes. You haven't eaten." With difficulty, I picked up his three pieces of chocolate one by one, and then squeezed them into my palm , together with the previous three pieces.He was very happy to watch the whole process of my movements, smiling all the time.I said, "Is there any more? Take it out as soon as possible." He still smiled and said, "Can you still get it?" I looked down at myself, and my eyes were blocked by the notebook and books in my arms, and said, "Yes. Ah, there are three more yuan and I can’t take it down.” He said, “If you can’t take it down, let me eat it.” I said, “No.” After a while, I repeated: “No.” Then, I kept silent, kept silent, and followed him in silence.When he asked me again what I was thinking and what I wanted to do, I looked up at him beggingly and said, "I want to go home." He didn't speak.Maybe he couldn't think of what to say all at once.At first he watched me silently, so I had to watch him too.After a while, he asked me where my home was and what car I could take to get there.I just said, what kind of car to take, how to go.Every time I stopped, he said, what else? I had to say the other routes in my head.In the end, he said, "Then let me take you to the subway." I said, "Why should I take the subway? It's inconvenient to go to the subway station here." He didn't answer right away, looking at me quietly, Black's eyes are weak, as if he is about to die.After a stalemate like this for a long time, he said, "Just let me take you to the subway. Okay?" As I spoke, my hand holding six pieces of chocolate was covered by another strange hand.I struggled to escape from under the covering, then lowered my eyes and nodded.I couldn't look up for a few seconds after this - because he was standing right in front of me and I didn't want to see him smile at my reaction. We take the bus to the subway station.I sat on the window seat, ate a packet of soy milk, and stuffed everything I had in my schoolbag.He was standing next to me, with one hand on the roof rail and the other in his trouser pocket, and he looked really good.Every time I look up at him, he just looks down at me and smiles.Throughout the process, we only spoke a limited amount of words.I told him that a classmate used cards to tell my fortune yesterday.He said, "Really? What did you say?" I said, "I got married at the age of 29—no, maybe someone chased me at the age of 29 and wanted to marry me." He said, "It's almost Is it equal to marriage?" I said, "The difference is almost the same, but not equal." After a while, he said, "How do you calculate it?" I said, "Spades represent the person you love, and hearts represent the person who loves you." People, squares represent the person who likes you, and flowers represent rivals in love. I am spades and hearts, and the squares and flowers are all old kings, which means that these four people are actually one person." He said: "Oh." After thinking about it, he asked again: "Who?" I turned my head and glanced out the window, and said, "Chen Xiaochun." He opened his eyes wide and said, "Really?" I said, "Yes. Hehe." He laughed and said, "You Why are you laughing like that?" His tone was that he treated me like a child, very doting.I secretly thought in my heart, am I really laughing? Later he told me that he didn't want to take other classes except physical education.I said, I don't have a class I want to take, hehe.He sighed.I said what to do, he said he was tired.I said, I haven't woken up since I was born; he glanced at me and said, you, lazy pig, you can't put it together with me. ——When he said this, it sounded like A, who knew me the most, was saying it, which made me jump up in fright.There was still the ivory face with the beautiful black eyes—why did he always turn into an A all of a sudden? I sat down with a sigh.He asked me what was going on.I said, nothing, I was thinking of a person.He paused and said, oh.Lost tone. At the ticket gate of the subway station, I said: "Come here." He said: "No, I will accompany you in." I said: "You don't take the subway, isn't it a waste of money to go in?" He smiled Looking at me, I said, "Maybe I have a whim, so why don't I sit with you for a while?" I dropped my hands, changed my posture and stood, lost my mind and looked at the marble wall behind him. After a while, I said : "Why are you bothering?" He said it twice.He reached out to hold my hanging hand, lowered his head, and quietly brought his lips to my ear.I had to let him hold my hand, had to let his breath against my face.I only heard his sincere and gentle voice say: "Good boy." I looked up at him in amazement, and saw part of his back—he still had his head down, and his lips suddenly brushed my cheek.At the same moment, the wall behind him swayed, and then his face slid past my ear, lifted, and it was his dark eyes looking deeply at me again. I don't know how I reacted, anyway, driven by a vague sense of loss, I muttered a few words, then turned my head and walked towards the waiting place of the subway.He followed and tried to grab my hand, and I shook him off, throwing a tantrum as I walked.I said loudly: "Don't follow me! Don't follow me! I hate you! I don't know you!!" I kept saying these few words over and over again, letting them fill the void in my will.My voice evokes echoes without beginning and end in the lofty station.That person insisted on following me all the time, his footsteps were chaotic and he stumbled.People waiting for the bus turned their heads to look at us.I walked forward vigorously, walked, walked, and finally stopped in front of a row of orange-red plastic seats, stood straight, and lost my voice for a moment. He didn't touch me again, and stood beside me silently.The lights in the subway station have a kind of neither black nor white atmosphere, very false, all the people are like phantoms, all the colors are like hallucinations, all the sounds are like auditory hallucinations, and all the silences are like illusions anesthetic.My vision went blank, my mind went blank.I was floating in a sweltering panic.I wish the whole world was a lie. In this hallucination, the subway arrived rumblingly.The door opened along its smooth track, and there was also a false yellow, yellow and white light inside.I didn't look back, I tried to walk in and escape.I approached the car door step by step quickly, my toes almost reached the safety stop line-suddenly my wrist was grabbed by the man. I lowered my head and said angrily, "Let go." At the same time, I struggled.But my body involuntarily moved further and further away from the car door.He was pulling me back, all the way back to the front of the row of seats.I freed his fingers and turned to face him.Or that good-looking stranger—a stranger, why did he hold me so tightly? I asked loudly, "Why on earth did you do such a thing!?" I don't know if I was expecting his answer when I said this sentence.There was a hard, numb light between me and him.I tried unsuccessfully to read the expression in his eyes - suddenly my gaze lost focus... as he quickly lowered his head, closing the distance between me and him until the distance disappeared completely... His lips touched mine...and he kissed me. The door slid shut behind me, then rumbled away.The air suddenly became as moist as his lips, sticking to me, as if to stick to me forever, forever and ever. When we finally parted, the focus of my field of vision flickered and fell to the ground—I sat down on the marble floor.The man squatted down, put his lips next to my ear and said, "Trust me." I turned to the side where he was, the focus became closer and further away for a while, and my eyes were full of lights that were neither black nor white... I was speechless Come.I can't speak.He said, "Let me hug you." I held him in my arms without moving.His black eyes are close for a while, far away for a while, big for a while, and small for a while.I felt his cool cheek against my skin with my heart, but couldn't think of anything. I don't know how much time has passed, how many subway trains, and finally I said softly: "You let me go." I felt him nod, put both hands under my ribs, let me Rise up from the ground like an elevator.I stood there silently, listening to him whispering many dear words in my ear.He said that he should hold his girlfriend all the time until he was too old to hold him anymore.I didn't feel anything when I heard it, I just listened quietly like this, listening, listening-listening, and hearing the next train coming. Here comes the subway. I walked towards the door in a daze, and he grabbed me again.I said, "What are you doing?" He looked at me tenderly and distressedly, and said, "Let me—" Just like that, he bent down and kissed again. I walked through the subway doors in air as moist as his lips.Turning around, he was saying goodbye to me with a distressed expression on his face.Then the door closed in front of me.The moment my feet gradually started to move, I knew my own decision - I would never go to that cram school again, and I would never see him again. The subway goes forward.It was dark.Suddenly, A appeared in the darkness outside the window... A was wearing a heartbreakingly blue T-shirt, laughing.I looked out the window and his face never disappeared.I watched, couldn't stop, my lips were still wet... just like that, I leaned on the armrest, and started crying until the appearance of A disappeared, even myself, and it still kept going Cry and cry, keep crying.