Chapter 13 The most meaningful life - eight months after the college entrance examination

The most meaningful life - eight months after the college entrance examination Eight months have passed since the college entrance examination.I am sad because in the earliest and earliest of my tellings, this time seems to be the very beginning.Then I talked about many, many things before this.Maybe it's just a habit of mine.Every time I think about it, the first thing that comes to mind is always the eighth month after the college entrance examination.I don't deliberately think that this month is a symbol, but some things have changed at this time-maybe others don't think it's a change, maybe even I don't want to admit it, but when I deny it again and again Sometimes, in my heart, in a deepest, deepest, deepest place, I know the truth of those changes, although I can hardly put them into words, or even form a concept in my head.

. Maybe there is something wrong with me.Perhaps I am indeed a memory maniac.Whenever there is another flashback to the eighth month after the college entrance examination, I have to recall all the stories before and after.This situation is similar to my obsession for a while in my third year of high school-every night before going to bed, I have to re-watch the part where the little prince meets the fox, and then I have to read every chapter from beginning to end. Read it once—I watched n+1 times the part where the little prince meets the fox, and even started to read the whole chapter n times.I was in my room, turned off the light, sneaked around, hid under the blanket with a flashlight, and looked around. No one knew what I was looking at.Ha ha.

In the eighth month after the college entrance examination, one day very early, I walked out of school B.Last night, I was with B and C.We sat in the black tea house and talked, talking darkly.Later I went to sleep in the same bed with B.Before going to bed, I said I miss A, but I dare not see him.I don't know if B heard me, and how much she did. I walked out of the very, very tall and majestic school gate built with stones.Yesterday C said that he would help me pay for the taxi to realize the four modernizations, but now I can’t find him, and no one will help me realize the modernization, so I have to take the bus.I have a feeling of a broken dream.One night passed, and I only had to go to class and wander between classrooms and classrooms.I pulled on the handrail of the bus and was squeezed out of breath—I had never been so insecure.

Then, here I am.So I got out of the car and walked into the school gate, then walked in, and walked into the classroom. When I found that my pocket was empty, my heart seemed to drop out suddenly.I feel hollowed out.very horrible.So I just sat in the classroom like this and screamed out. Everyone was chatting, walking, and having breakfast, but my screams tripped the air.Quiet all around.Xiong Xiong was sitting next to me, poking his head over and asking me what was going on. "Someone stole my wallet, in the car," I said.I was sick as hell.Immediately, I seemed to feel that at that time, a hand had been put into my pocket... I was touched by a strange hand... It was as disgusting and terrifying as if a caterpillar got into my clothes .I yelled again, accompanied by twisting movements of my body.

Xiong Xiong said nervously: "Really? Is it important? Is there a lot of money in it? Are there any important documents?" I shook my head vigorously, kept shaking, and kept shaking. "No. No." I said intermittently.My tears accumulated in my eye sockets, and when they accumulated many, many, very heavy, they fell by themselves, one drop at a time, and I couldn't connect them, as heavy as the love in my heart. Not a lot of money, and no important documents.But there is something more important in it.Lost money can be earned back, lost documents can be replaced, but those important things will never come back.

I stood up from my seat, pulled me fiercely and said what are you doing, I said I will not go to class, and I will go back to the dormitory.Xiong Xiong said, then be careful, do you have a key? I didn't dare to look at her, so I just left without making a sound. I want to go back to my dorm, somewhere where there is a telephone.I'd love to find an A now. A didn't know that my wallet was stolen by others, so I want to tell him—because there are my important things in that wallet... There is a Winnie the Pooh key ring that A gave me, hanging on his desk in high school The key to the everlasting lock on the belly of the table.I didn't know there was such a thing before. It is so important that you can't separate from it, but it doesn't grow on your body. It is the easiest thing to lose.

The most important thing is the easiest thing to lose - I didn't know it before. I dialed the phone number of A's dorm room.The damn 201 call requires more than 30 digits to be dialed every time.Then the phone went through, but there was no one in their dormitory.It is 8:10 in the morning, A must have a class. I leaned against the wall, held the phone in my hand, and listened to the lonely beeps inside.My legs and waist slowly lost strength, so I just leaned against the wall and slowly slid down to the ground, and finally sat on the floor. It's so comfortable here.I now have a comfortable place where I can sit and cry.My wallet was stolen by someone else.I have a Winnie the Pooh key ring that A gave me in my wallet.There is a small key of A on that key ring.I can't find an A right now.

I sat in that position and cried alone.I've been missing my Winnie the Pooh keyring.The little yellow-eyed bear in the red dress is smiling——A's distressed appearance really looks a bit like it.And that key on the key ring. The lock on the belly of table A is the biggest lock in the class - a green permanent lock. I used to say that this lock can be used to knock people on the head and kill them.Later, A went straight up, and I snatched the key to unlock the lock.Now, all gone.Every time I clearly remembered the shape of the key ring, the shape of the key, and the shape of the permanent lock, I let myself cry aloud, and the tears fell to the ground drop by drop.

After crying for a long time like a useless inexplicable little thing, I suddenly remembered that A has a pager. About half a month ago, A called and gave me his pager number.He said you can call me later.I laughed and said no, why should I call you? A said, ah, I knew people like you were against pagers.I laughed and said, why am I against pagers? I'm just too lazy to call you.I wrote down the number of his pager in the phone book, turned around and forgot it. B always said that I am a poorly adjusted person, and I am not used to my classmates now-especially A has a pager.I was always calling them, or foolishly going to their schools myself.The amount of energy I spend on the phone and in the car is beyond count.

I dialed the call station A in the phone book and reported his number.Then I sat on the chair and continued to cry, waiting for A's call back.Maybe because I have never called him, so I don't have any hope for this way of finding him. About five minutes later, the phone rang.A’s voice came: "Hello?" I said: "Where are you?" He said: "In class." I said: "Then how did you make the call?" He said: "Of course it ran out of the middle "I said: "Ah?" He smiled and said in a gentle voice: "You never call me, it's a rare time, so naturally you have to call me back." My

The tears kept falling, and I couldn't even feel them anymore.I said: "Xiangmei City, my wallet was stolen. I dropped the key ring you gave me." After saying this, the tears seemed to rise, rise, rise, rise to my head, drowning top of my head. What A said, I couldn't hear clearly. I sat in the car very nervously, turning my waist around all the time, for fear that something would be stolen again.Once at the station, I couldn't stand for a second, and sat down on the marble edge of the flower bed.That side was an incline, and I sat on it, slid down little by little, and had to move up again and again, or I would have to slide my ass onto the sidewalk.This non-stop upward movement took a lot of strength from my feet, waist and arms, and at the same time, I felt so weak. I turned my eyes to the direction A came from, and thought: Okay, now he is out of school, let's go here.He's coming here.Then there will be a hand on my head, put it very warmly, and say, hello, why are you sitting stupidly? Are you in a daze? Are you tired? Can’t stand still? As if he didn't want to say anything, let him keep asking questions one by one.As he asked, he kept putting his hand on the top of my head. That kind of good temperature was transmitted all the way to the bottom of my heart, and the pitch-black place made me recover bit by bit. A suddenly appeared in the middle of the horizontal line.I watched his figure move in this direction, and thought quietly: Well, he is finally here.So I watched him walk through the dry, curving road, disappearing between cars.I couldn't see him again for a moment, but I knew he was coming. I saw him again.His familiar walking posture.I used to stand at the bus stop, eat ice cream, and watch him walk all the way in this familiar posture-when I was still worrying about things like midterm exams.At this moment, it’s like this again... I don’t know if he has changed—since I walked out of the school gate that time, I heard a voice saying that you can’t go back and you will never see him again, slowly and unknowingly I feel that countless good things have already flowed away from my body, flowed away...but today, the things I cherish will be forcibly taken away.I don't know how many things can flow away.I don't even have any right to reserve, I can only look at A's walking posture, sitting on the edge of this flower bed, sliding down non-stop.Even my fingernails are sad. A finally came to me.He looked into my eyes the entire walk like a knight in love.I looked up at him, rubbing my limbs up hard to keep myself from sliding down.First the familiar walk, then the familiar smile—why am I just overwhelmed? I reach out and grab his hand.All of a sudden, I'm not sure if I should love the way he poses and the way he smiles.My soul went round and round in my body, but I couldn't find the strength to love him. He smiled kindly at me, parted his mouth, and put his hands on my head at the same time.I suddenly panicked—a premonition told me that that voice was coming again, that it was going to secretly blow in my ears again, and kept repeating, you can never go back...you can never go back I won't see him anymore...you won't be here for long...no more...no more...no more...I don't want that voice.Why should I reject that voice that is more intimate than A? Why can’t I gain strength while sitting here, feeling the temperature of A on my scalp? But, why can’t I love A? A's palm still has that familiar temperature, which is what I always thought was healthy and suitable for me.The problem is that I suddenly have no way to love this temperature.It dives into the depths of my scalp, melting the fear inside me.I sat on the edge of a flower bed by the sidewalk and wept loudly and sadly. A bent down and hugged me, and said some irrelevant words, saying that I told you not to come, I said I would come, why do you have to come? I cried from dusk to dusk, A sat on the side and hugged me.Then I panicked and realized that the fear I had just felt was just the tip of the iceberg.At this time, I really started to feel sad.For this reason, I took a self-help action, that is, grabbed A's shoulder until I felt pain.I stretched my arms around the sides of his neck and hugged him hard, trying to convince my overwhelmed mind. "Xiangmei City, I love you." I said. A has no response to this.I put my cheek against his ear and panicked.To reassure his imagined suspicions, I repeated the sentence.I heard him whisper, "I'm not afraid of your sadness. I'm afraid that when you are sad, I can't help you." His voice was as gentle and heartbreaking as the night.Only then did I finally officially realize that night was coming—for the first time in my life, I felt that this was a good opportunity to take the expression on my face and take it to my heart.I wrapped my arms around A tightly, said thank you, and then shed tears from the bottom of my heart. A and I were alone in his bedroom.We turned off the lights and sat in the dark blue light.He stood up, beckoned, and said to our balcony to have a look.So I walked over with him. For some reason, I always find their balcony to have a cartoonish vibe to it—maybe it's because of the slam dunk poster on the balcony door.I looked left and right for a long time, and finally decided that the effect was caused by the door.The balcony door opens in the center of the balcony wall. It seems to be fatter and shorter than ordinary doors. There are vertical lines on the aluminum alloy door frame, which looks very clear and delicate, very much like the door in fairy tales. —the house in the house, or the home of some witch who makes houses out of sweets. It seems that there is a world inside the door and a world outside the door.Both inside and outside the door are fine, but the one inside the door is more realistic. Looking out from the balcony, the other side of the road is a construction site that hasn't started in time. It is deserted, so deserted that it makes people uncomfortable.I pressed my hands against the railing of the balcony and held it up a few times. When I felt the sand on my palms, I patted each other, then moved down again, and stood close to the railing. A put his hands in his trouser pockets and looked out very nicely.he seems to be talking to himself He said in that way: "The fifth floor is a little better - you can see it farther away. At least the view is quite wide now." I know that he is actually talking to me, but he is very used to this kind of soliloquy way.I grinned, pointed to the houses one after another in front of the construction site, and said, "Is this considered far away? Is it still open?" As if he didn't hear me, he continued to look affectionately. After a while, he turned his face away and smiled at me. I said, "What's going to be built?" He said, "Phase 2." I said, "What?" He said, "Student apartment." I said, "Oh, that would be interesting. Build it later face to face." He turned around, stretched himself, sighed deeply, opened the door and walked into the room, and said in a high voice, "Yes. I heard it's a girls' apartment. After it's finished, you can use it every day. Playing the piano and singing love songs—don't get too excited." I also quickly turned around and said loudly to the dark room: "Fart!" A's dark laughter came from inside. I opened the balcony door straight, faced the room and leaned against the railing, calling for A to come out.He just sat inside and said, "Okay. Now that you are happy, you should come and comfort me?" I said yuck.He took it easy, and said gently: "Little girl, don't bah bah." I said, "Come out quickly. You are in the dark, and I am in the light. I am not balanced." He was silent for a while, and the surroundings All at once filled with sweet peace.Then he said: "Here, I walk on the road downstairs every day." I couldn't help turning my head to look downstairs.The street lights illuminated not too many people, some walking and some riding bicycles, in short, they were all coming and going.I heard him say from behind: "I can see an educational books and newsstand, and some food stalls selling dim sum. Scattered here and there." I kept looking downstairs intently, and in the end I couldn't even hear what A said. Cleared up.I don't know what I'm focusing on or what I'm looking at. It seems that if I keep looking so focused, I will see an A riding a bicycle from the other end of the road. A said come in and don't be silly there.Then he said you come in quickly, I count to three and you come in, I will buy you the same Winnie the Pooh key ring, and I will give you the same key again.I smiled, turned around and walked in, sat on the chair, still facing the balcony, facing that lovely door. A got up and closed the door.I said: "Can you really give me the same key ring and the same key?" My voice trembled slightly.He turned around quickly, bent down and held me in his arms for a long time, and said, "That's okay. Xie Yi, listen to me, it's okay." I lay quietly in his arms.Now I don't know who of us needs to comfort whom.I just put my chin on my darling's shoulder wearily, and looked ahead at the balcony door.This door is really good, very fairy tale.I just discovered today that glass and aluminum alloy can look so good together. Then I said, I'm leaving. A said you are leaving now? The people in our dormitory would like to see you.I said, forget it, forget it today. A touched my face, put his hands on the back of my neck, and said, okay then. He walked me to the station, throwing his coat over me on the way.While waiting for the car, he seemed to have been thinking about something, and then the car came, and he jumped on it after me.I turned around and saw the car door closed behind him. I was so surprised that I yelled regretfully for him: "Ah, what are you doing?!" With a satisfied look on his face, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, "I Decided to send you back." I glared at him and asked why.He said: "Because I don't have money to call you, and I don't want to let your things be stolen again." I looked at him and smiled.We just hugged in the bumps of the carriage, and then separated quickly. We said goodbye in front of my dormitory.When I turned around in A's coat, heavy tears fell to my feet again.There seemed to be something stuffed in my chest cavity, and I worried that I would never be able to move again. Until I hugged A's coat and retracted into the bed, I began to miss my wallet for the nth time.I hugged my coat tightly, thinking that there was also the Winnie the Pooh key ring that A gave me, and there was a key from A's desk belly hanging on it...a big permanent lock...those shaded days in the past... It seems that this is a farewell ceremony... In my chest, hundreds of millions of depressed small winged insects scatter in groups, and then it seems that something is flowing in, and it seems that something is flowing out——I have a faint feeling in my body. Celery smell.My tears kept spreading, and I fell asleep with peace of mind.