Chapter 37 35．kill

Xiaojiezi quietly returned to the hospital when it was getting dark.He didn't go far, he was coming back. He saw from the window sill that there was no light inside, and guessed that Duan Xiaomu should be sleeping and there was no one else.So he quietly sneaked into Duan Xiaomu's ward.He turns on the light. Duan Xiaomu was not asleep, and felt the dazzling light, so he opened his eyes. "Little Jiezi, why did you come back so soon?" She smiled when she saw him, and sat up with support. Xiao Jiezi walked towards her step by step, his expression was like a bone of bones, carrying a complete coldness.He walked towards her step by step, and finally a few words popped out from between his teeth:

"Why are you still alive?" Duan Xiaomu looked at him with a straight face, looked at his hair, looked at his eyebrows, and said no to him.She was so terrified that she lost all speech and thinking for a moment. "You deserved to die long ago. You're a drag on your life. I never liked you—how could I? Look at yourself, Pin! You're a cripple. I've come to take care of you because Du Wanwan and I made an agreement that as long as I take care of you, she will be with me. When you die, she will go with me! Now you understand, you have been kept in the dark, Du Wanwan was actually with me a long time ago gone."

She didn't move. "Do you understand? Are you stupid? You were cheated, I never liked you, Du Wanwan was with me a long time ago. She has already slept with me!" He saw her slow expression, so He said it again, his voice raised again. When Duan Xiaomu heard these words, a line of clear tears flowed down.She closed her eyes in pain, but they were full of Du Wanwan who had given up struggling, lying flat there, her eyes closed tightly, opening like a twisted bag, swallowing all the pain alone.No, no, don't.Duan Xiaomu shook her head desperately: "You forced her, right? In exchange, that's why you came to take care of me, right?"

"I didn't force her, she was willing." "Why? Xiaojiezi, why did you treat her like this, why did you treat me like this? After so many years of hard work, why can't I get a little sincerity from you?" The heartbroken pain, so many years of hard work can end, and there is no result. end.The man in front of her was made of copper or iron. She tried to warm him for more than ten years, but the blood flowing in his body was still cold, icy cold, just like the place she was going to. Duan Xiaomu stopped talking, just looked at him with a sad look.This is the expression that has followed Duan Xiaomu for so many years, every time she faces a disaster, every time she is in a desperate situation.

Three-year-old Duan Xiaomu, after her mother died in an accident, appeared on the TV screen with a pair of blank eyes. At that time, she showed this expression. Six-year-old Duan Xiaomu, sitting on the swing thrown into the sky like a rocket, endured the surging pain in her heart and Du Wanwan's deception to her, with this expression on her face. Fourteen-year-old Duan Xiaomu said goodbye to Granny Li for the last time. The wind blew the white cloth covering Granny Li's body. When she saw her dry arm with no blood flowing, she showed this expression on her face. Finally came to a desperate situation.Duan Xiaomu felt that when she came to the desperate situation again this time, she was already riddled with holes.The stoicism of childhood and adolescence had all been spent.No more can be paid.

What a fleeting happiness, what a cruel truth. She felt that at last she had come to an end.A desperate situation that can no longer be crossed.Those pains that had gradually left her all came back at this moment.All the pain, like more and more bees, swarmed over and entangled her round and round, trapping her in a narrow and breathless shell like a cocoon.Or not bees.It's a bat.Many, black ones, held her in their mouths, spread their wings, and carried her up into the sky, flying into an endless tunnel.She and all the memories she had never forgotten were thrown up into the sky with eloquence.In the city where she once lived, there is no trace of her at last.Everything was thrown into the sky, just like when she was fourteen years old, she was kicked out of Granny Li's small room by Granny Li's son. Her clothes, water glasses and everything that belonged to her were thrown out.She was cut off from the hut where she lived.But this time, this time she was isolated from this city, from the world.

Wan Wan, where are you now?Do you also feel pain?I know, it's such a pain, like being crushed, like being tightly pinched in big hands with no gaps, gradually losing all the moisture it carried, and turning into a handful of air-dried powder.Sorry Wanwan, I brought you pain again, but I think this will be the last time.There is no more pain, we are like two conjoined cherries, I am festered and I am broken.For you I am the birthplace of overflowing pain.Now God has stripped me, we are completely separated, you can also be insulated from all pain without me.Isn't it something to celebrate?

Xiao Jiezi saw her lying on the white sheet, struggling for the last time. He wanted to put her to death, but he was still saying: "No one loves you, no one wants you to live, why don't you die?" No one loves you, no one wants you to live, why don't you die?She twitched the corners of her mouth a few times, as if her head had been blown apart, these words kept rising and falling in her ears like a helicopter.The things in front of me became more and more blurred, scorched black, and all seemed to grow poisonous mushrooms.The throat is like a tightly sealed hole, and no sound can escape.

Gradually, the plane poisonous mushrooms are all gone.Everything subsided.She no longer had the slightest struggle, lying fully stretched on this hospital bed that had suffered and witnessed many deaths, the white sheet supported her like a huge leaf, this rapidly dying flower.All of her memories were being lost at a rapid rate.Gradually, I no longer know who I once loved, and who I made a promise not to part with.She gradually forgot all about it, with a sunset smile hanging on her lips, she calmly called off the curtain, the swan lay on the surface of the painless water, and fell into a dream gracefully like a water lily.

Isn't it a good thing?No one would laugh at her for being an orphan and a cripple, and she no longer had to worry about heart disease—for so many years, Duan Xiaomu thought almost every day that she would die of angina pectoris, curled up like a worm, her face turned into Pale purple, twitching and twitching before dying.She can finally feel at ease today. It turns out that it only takes such a short time to go through all this without suffering.Her departure also meant that Du Wanwan was released.Her poor little sister stayed by her bedside day and night, and in order to bring her the last joy, she gave herself to someone she didn't love.This little sister's torment, both physically and mentally, can end now.Let her return to her lover Ji Yan, let the long years to come fill up all the sunken scars, let everything pass by.

Let her go to see her dear mother and the kind Granny Li—they are waiting for her in heaven with the warmest sweater and the most gorgeous cheongsam, and her omnipotent father.Maybe see them and have a good cry first.Because she hasn't cried properly for too long, she has been tolerantly accepting everything this world gives her, even if she doesn't love, even if she wants to resist, she accepts it, and is grateful and believes in this The arrangement certainly has its reasons.But now she really wants to unload all this and take a good rest. There was no pain at all, no more pain.She saw that the angels had come outside the window of the ward.They came to pick her up, her crimson cheeks were more beautiful than all the evening clouds, her eyes were more round and clear than marbles.At this moment, they were pressing their faces against the large glass of the window, observing the situation inside meticulously.They were about picking an opportune moment to take her away.How wonderful, she is now lying flat with her eyes closed, but she can feel the elves waiting for her outside the window.She didn't even move an inch, but she knew she was slowly reaching for them. It's time to go, our little Mu is about to be picked up.She opened her body, waiting for the moment to be taken away.She thought that she had no distractions in her mind, and was focused on waiting for that moment.But suddenly, her body twitched.A bird flew into the empty mind, it circled low, flew in and out.A sad bird chirping mournfully, with a wisp of unfinished memory in its mouth.The only memory that cannot be erased is about Xiaojiezi.He still appeared, still kept coming up, even when she was dying.With all her last strength, she slowly opened her eyes and looked at him for the last time. Xiaojiezi was about to leave, and turned his back on Duan Xiaomu, regardless of her life or death.She used her last strength to watch her lover go away, the person she loved and hated all her life strode away, he would not have any pity or reluctance for her.He would not remember that when they were 10 years old, they played the game of "catch a daughter-in-law". He put his hand into her clothes frivolously, and she looked at him in panic. From then on, she fantasized about being his "daughter-in-law".He won't remember that he went to find Duan Xiaomu after every fierce "struggle", and Duan Xiaomu carefully wrapped his wound, with a distressed expression many times more sad than his own injury.He won't remember that after losing all his money in gambling, Duan Xiaomu stood crookedly at the door of the smoky house with his crutches, talked timidly to the creditor, and finally took him away.Nor would he know that it was because he had taken all her money that she had been kicked out of the only hut she had been able to stay, and had become homeless.He will never understand how deep her love for him is.Even at this moment, if he wants her to die and she is about to die, she can't hold a grudge against him.With the last of her strength she took one more look at him.Her gaze fell on his right hand, which he was walking towards her with his back.She wanted to grab that hand, she was the doll, the hand that had held the doll's string all her life.The countless threads were finally broken, and his back, like a tree disappearing into the boundless dense forest, disappeared under the thick smoke and evening mist that filled the entire forest, not leaving a single leaf for her. She used the last of her strength to look at him, so she couldn't close her eyes any more.She had to follow the footsteps of the angel and go on the road.Turning around to look at her own body on the icy operating table——she has gently restrained her breathing. Duan Xiaomu's dazed and open-eyed expression was left forever, hanging on her face, like a half-closed window, through which the howling wind could pass, from here to there, from this world to that world. 35．say goodbye my love I knew it wasn't a completely unexpected sudden death.I know, Xiao Jiezi went to meet Xiao Mu, he must have told her everything. At that moment, I was standing in the tall grass of the kindergarten with Ji Yan.We were facing each other, my feet were on tiptoe, and maybe I ran towards him the next moment.The swing has been surrounded by this vigorous grass, and it can no longer fly into the sky.All of these are old and cannot go back.Just like I may be able to run in front of Ji Yan, but we can't run back to the past. It would be best if time could stop right now.Ji Yan and I are standing here, we are neither far nor near, no need to say goodbye, no need to look back. But I suddenly felt a piercing pain, and I couldn't even stand up.I fell on the grass.It was more severe than any previous angina, as if something extremely sharp was punching holes in my heart, row after row of holes.The tall green grass and my Ji Yan disappeared before my eyes.I seemed to be lifted up and flew into the dark tunnel like a whirlpool.It seemed that with every heartbeat, the blood rushing into the ventricles turned black, thick asphalt black, they were so viscous.It can no longer flow.Gradually, they cooled down, hardened, and spread on the blood vessel wall during my ups and downs of breathing. Hasty footsteps sounded in the grass—Ji Yan was running towards me.I couldn't speak to him anymore, my voice was tightly held by the pain and couldn't be released.I want to say that something must have happened to Xiao Mu.I can see that she is struggling in pain at the moment, her heart is in pain.It must have been more than a simple physical pain, for I vaguely heard her say: No, no, no... Something must have happened to her, Ji Yan.We are going to save her, Ji Yan.She is going to die, Ji Yan!I screamed in my heart, but I couldn't say anything. I really wanted to break my body and let those voices out.So I started beating myself, my mouth was wide open, and my eyes were on Ji Yan.But all I could see was a large piece of black asphalt congealed, and I still couldn't make a sound. Ji Yan must have been shocked at that moment.The girl rolled over and over in the tall grass, her expression was so painful, her mouth was wide open, but she couldn't speak a word.She seemed to be possessed by an evil spirit, as if possessed by a demon.I vaguely felt him hug me, and he asked me: "What's wrong with you? Is your heart hurting again? Is Xiao Mu's heart attack recurring?" He understood, he understood that we are closely connected.So he picked me up, ran quickly in the tall grass, took me away, and took me to save Xiaomu. Time does not stop when we face each other, holding the past and the future in our left and right hands.But time seems to have stopped at this moment - Ji Yan hugged me and ran in the dense grass at the end of summer.But I felt everything slowed down, angina, Xiao Mu's cry, something that was closely related to me was draining from my body, escaping, and leaving me forever. Finally it stopped.There was no more Xiaomu's voice, everything returned to tranquility, and the voices that were closely related to me, breathing, heart disease, and that life were all taken away.From now on I am me, I am myself.I'm alone now. No no no, Xiao Mu, no no no, Xiao Mu, you wait for me, Ji Yan is taking me to see you, you wait for me. Ji Yan was still running with me in his arms. He stopped the car in the middle of the road while running forward.From time to time he looked down at me in his arms. The moment he stopped the car, he looked down and saw that I was no longer struggling, no longer in pain, and no longer opened my mouth to try to tell him anything.A line of tears dripped from the corner of my eye. Yes, at that moment I saw Xiao Mu's eyes, her wide eyes were like a sky with stars falling down, getting darker and duller.Finally, there was no more star, and the world was gently let go from her hands.She was so tired that she didn't even have the strength to close her eyelids again, so that she could die peacefully. I know she's gone. It's been a long sleep.There weren't even any formed dreams during that time.But when I woke up, I felt that my ears were drenched by the heavy rain. They were stranded in the flood that had already overflowed, like a ship sunk on the bottom of the sea, wrapped in a dead stream of water. There was no more Xiao Mu's vague breathing, and the hoarse voice was in his ears.Not another heartbeat.Without the rope that has held me tight for so many years.Now I am alone, free, but loose, like a boneless man whose skeleton has been taken away.I finally know the meaning of Xiaomu's existence in my life in the past time: she is my support - I don't know if others need a support in their hearts, but there is such a support in my heart, it makes me feel My heart will not sink indefinitely and fall into a silent valley, it keeps my heart always on a flat high place.No matter how much misfortune befalls me, I have never been so hopeless as I am now.Because my heart has no support, she left. I wake up, but I don't want to open my eyes.Because I know she's gone, and it's daylight again.If I open my eyes at this moment, I can no longer hide in my memory like a child, and I can no longer spend a good time with her.How much I want to stay with her for a while, I know she hasn't gone far yet.Nearby, around, here with me. Xiao Mu, I think of some things from the past.I think of the first time I met you.You have pale purple cheeks and big almond-shaped eyes, and you wear a dress as big and loose as a face pocket.You stand at the door of our kindergarten activity room, leaning against the door, so rigidly motionless. ... You just liked to look at me, you told me later how much you liked to look at me.I don't know why you're here—I mean, I don't know why you're in my life, I don't know that you're always there, always have been, always have been.I don't know that the sound of the sea and shells in my childhood ears was conveyed to me by you, I didn't know that the voice of murmuring voices and earnest prayers was conveyed to me by you, I didn't know that the pain in my heart was something you couldn't get rid of Obstinate... I don't know, we are twin flowers, if I could know earlier, believe earlier, how good it is, then I would have boarded the return train, I would have returned here.I will always be with you.I will go with you to your favorite cherry grove.We have to pick many, many cherries and cluster ourselves in the center like a princess.We're going to sleep under the cherry tree and dream smooth and wrinkle-free dreams like velvet.Not waking up, not waking up until being hit by a fruit falling from the tree... But why do I have to wake up.Why do I have to open my eyes to see the world again, those have lost their meaning to me. Take me away with you.I know that an angel is picking you up, you are like a lark in the morning mist, I seem to hear your clearest singing.That was the only sound, and I never heard anything else.Please, take me away. The truth is, at the end of this summer, I lost Xiao Mu forever.She didn't take me.September started, and the rain didn't stop. When Xiao Mu died, her eyes were open, her face was blue and gray, and her expression was very painful, just like what I saw in Ji Yan's arms.I gently closed her eyelids and sang softly in her ear.That's the song that used to be sung in church.Give hope and strength.Although I sang very weakly, even though I couldn't see any strength or hope at all, I still sang very hard, hoping that Xiao Mu would go away peacefully and happily. During the funeral, everyone kept applying rouge and powder to her face, but it still couldn't cover her navy blue background. Later, the plumber picked up Xiao Mu and sneaked into a small room to cry. He painted Xiao Mu's face with a pink and tender color over and over again with the gouache brush, and then put on lipstick and nails after painting. He finally painted Xiao Mu like a female singer in an opera house.Yes, Xiao Mu was wearing a large fluffy pleated skirt with violet flowers embroidered by herself before she was alive. The skirt was waist-tight, and there were lotus-colored ribbons on the waist, collar and cuffs.The shoes were also a pair of rose-coloured dancing shoes—all of which had been carefully arranged by the plumber, who knew how much the girl who had been standing between the two crutches longed for a dance.In this way, let her go to heaven dressed like this, and she can immediately jump on the glass dance floor to complete a beautiful dance without any difficulty, which makes everyone envious.But I think maybe Xiao Mu prefers to wear the cheongsam that Granny Li made for her.So I put the cheongsam on her inside the big skirt, close to her body.She is wrapped up by us layer by layer, so she will never feel cold again.Let her walk in the love of all. On the day of the funeral, there were only a few people, no wreaths, no crowds or vehicles. On a lonely stretcher lay a thin girl wearing a large luxurious skirt and ribbon slippers. She was wearing heavy makeup, as if she was going to a Lively dance. The plumber couldn't calm down all the time. He stubbornly broke into the cremation room. He said he would stand there to watch her and send her away.He begged the incinerator workers, saying he must remain calm, he just wanted to see her go at the end.Eventually he got permission to stand by the incinerator.However, he didn't follow his promise. When he saw the girl's beautiful dancing shoes finally disappeared in front of the incinerator, he began to cry.He called her name and couldn't stop crying loudly.He wanted to break free from the obstruction of several people and rushed forward.The brute force erupting from him at this moment was so great that the men were almost pulled down by him.Finally, he fell under the action of two forces.His face was pressed against the cold concrete floor, and his arms were stretched straight ahead, as if trying to grab the soul that he had never been able to get close to. Xiao Mu was burned together with a Bible that had lost its cover and had been for many years. I was very calm during the whole process, watching her from afar.I can only see her dancing shoes and imagine her face.Xiao Jiezi also came and stood beside me, his expression was so flat that it was impossible to see his inner emotions.My body has been chilling, and my peripheral vision has been wandering on him.Because in the past few days, a terrible intuition has been haunting me.Xiao Mu appeared in my dream.She fought Xiaojiezi in my dream.He took out his gleaming knife and pointed it at her.save me save me!Wanwan, help me!Xiao Mu yelled at me.I always wake up at this time.Sitting on the bed with a corner of the night sky, I felt that Xiao Mu was in the sky, she was looking at me, and she was telling me something in her dream. Maybe it's my intuition, maybe it's Xiao Mu's cry in the dark, showing me an undeniable fact.Xiao Mu's death must be related to Xiao Jiezi.Xiao Jiezi must have gone to see Xiao Mu and told Xiao Mu all those terrible things.When Xiao Mu was dying, I deeply felt her despair and sadness.Her words "no, no, no" are still being repeated in my ears.Xiao Mu's last death was not in peace, and she died with hatred... I am sure that all of this was caused by Xiao Jiezi.He forced Xiao Mu to death! But what can I do.Who will take my word for it?When I go to tell others, I can feel Xiaomu's heart, I can hear her voice, I know Xiaojiezi is the murderer who forced her to death, will others think I am crazy?Now he is standing next to me as if nothing had happened, he is so calm, he thought that no one would ever know that he had sneaked into Xiao Mu's ward and said those words to Xiao Mu.He thought that those things would fall into the dust with Xiao Mu's death, and become secrets that could never be discovered.But he was wrong.I know this, and I will never let him go, it was he who killed Xiao Mu. He ruined me and killed Xiao Mu.I won't let him go, I swear. But what should I do?Who will take my word for it? The four of us, except the plumber, were standing in an open field in the crematorium, which was drenched in heavy rain.Xiaojiezi and I stood by, Ji Yan and Tang Xiao stood by.Xiao Jiezi approached his disgusting face with a smile, and said loudly: "Let's go now." I knew he said it so loudly on purpose so that Ji Yan could hear him.I wish I could stretch out my hands and strangle him. What should I do, what should I do?I kept asking myself, and suddenly my flustered eyes collided with Ji Yan's.Since Ji Yan carried me back to the hospital that day, he didn't say anything to me again.After Xiao Mu's death, we became estranged a lot.It seems that our love for more than ten years has always revolved around Xiao Mu. Now that she is dead, all the entangled threads between us have been cut. But when I saw Ji Yan, I still felt a little warmth.A handful of hopes seemed to be kindled.Ji Yan, yes, Ji Yan knows that Xiao Mu and I are closely related.If I tell him the truth, he will definitely understand.Maybe I should tell him everything, he is my last resort.I still believe in him like this, and I still can't take a iota of love away from him.I think how urgently I want to tell at this time.I wish I could tell him fully how much I still love him, my distance, my "betrayal" is only because I want to exchange for Xiaomu's last moment of happiness.But I failed, I was too stupid.Xiao Mu's last moments were not happy at all, and she couldn't rest in peace when she died.So all the price I paid was meaningless.I'm a total loser.I wish I could tell him completely that it was Xiaojiezi who killed Xiaomu, how painful Xiaomu was in the last moment, she kept shouting "no, no, no". I want to tell Ji Yan about this, and I want to ask him what we should do and how to deal with this bastard. So I walked towards Ji Yan step by step, very slowly and very focused.Ji Yan looked at me with a heavy and complicated expression.I completely disregarded that Tang Xiao was by his side, and said to him: "Ji Yan, I have something to tell you, follow me." I grabbed Ji Yan's arm. Ji Yan still stood in his original posture, motionless.I looked up and looked at him in bewilderment. He paused for a while, and then slowly said word by word: "Are you satisfied now? Xiao Mu is dead, and you can be with Xiao Jiezi without any scruples. You should be very happy." I stared at his face, unable to believe that this was what Ji Yan said.He doesn't know the truth, he misunderstands me, I can understand.But he actually said that I would be happy when Xiao Mu died.Does he think that the feelings I have always given to Xiaomu are false?He denied my sincerity all along.He has no love for me anymore, he imagined me as such a woman with ulterior motives. At this moment, I finally understand that there is no love anymore. Two lines of tears fell down.I nodded, kept nodding, my feet were already unstable.I started laughing and couldn't stop laughing.I smiled and said to Ji Yan: "I didn't expect you to have discovered my scheme long ago. Yes, I am very happy now. Very happy." I turned around and walked up to Xiao Jiezi, and I said to him: "Now we can go." Xiaojiezi was very happy, he helped me, put me in his arms, and we left like this. In the arms of that bastard, with my back turned to my lover, I walked away step by step.Goodbye, Ji Yan.I've been saying goodbye to you in my heart, can you hear me?For all my life I will regret that our time together was so short.It got me hooked so much I can't forget it.I have always cherished your love, you took me through my former recklessness and domineering, and brought me back to Xiaomu.You make me reborn, this kind of love has already surpassed ordinary love.I understand its value.Ji Yan, I will always keep those memories in my heart. At every moment of missing, I can take them out immediately, touch them like touching the most beloved musical instruments, and talk to them.They are immortal trees, they will grow with me, grow luxuriantly, and will quietly bloom a brilliant flower in my heart.The floral scent is enough to warm me for the rest of my life.Ji Yan, I will always watch them and guard them.I will, will you, will you do the same? Tang Xiao, my cousin, let me say goodbye to you too.You are always so beautiful, people can't help but want to bless you.Now I just want to bless you.I know happiness will always take care of you, I hope that happiness comes from Ji Yan.I'm a bad cousin, I always liked to lose my temper with you, and then I took Ji Yan away.But I never apologized to you for that.Now I turn all my regrets into blessings, so that will be a very rich blessing.I will always love you, dear cousin. Say goodbye, my love.Say goodbye to all of this.