Chapter 7 Chapter Seven Resigned

I have been working for a long time but I don’t feel like I’m working. It’s more like I’m completing an imperative task. It’s like I didn’t want to do my homework when I was in school, but I had to plagiarize to cope with the teacher’s severe punishment and all kinds of preaching. Now Who am I dealing with, boss?parents?Own? I'm thinking, do I really need a job. Lao Wai knew that I was going to resign, so he said don't worry about changing jobs, just work for half a year and see.But youth should not be wasted on trivial details. It is only made up of a handful of half-years. How can it be easily used as a bet and used to try your luck? No matter how old you are, you still have nothing.Barefoot is not afraid of wearing shoes, I have nothing to hesitate.

I thought of the long way to go, and I will search for it up and down; I would rather be a broken jade than a tile; I will be a hero in life, but I will be a ghost in death; the old will not go, and the new will not come... I think too much , Isn't it just resignation? "Riding a horse to find a horse" is the phrase I heard the most during this period, but my current job is not riding a horse, it is simply being ridden, slaughtered and trampled. I used to be very envious when I saw someone changing jobs in the newspapers - I quit and gave my boss a face, how cool and unrestrained, now I finally know the unspeakable depression.

On the day I resigned, I arrived at the unit at ten o’clock, and saw Jenny Martha enter the office ahead of me. When I entered, she started nagging before I took off her coat: Didn’t I tell you that if you are late, you should tell me in advance. I…… Stop, don't talk nonsense, I resigned today, I said. She was startled and said, "You let me go."No one could believe that these words came from a woman in her thirties. I laughed and went to finance. After receiving the salary of the month, I walked out of the company gate without any nostalgia and ran all the way, feeling extremely refreshed!

An unprecedented ease struck.It turns out that happiness is so simple. On the way, I called Liu Zi and told him that I was alone again and wanted to get together.Liu Zi said yes, he hadn't had a drink for a long time, and he happened to be free at night.I made an appointment with Lao Wai again, and Lao Wai said no problem, you really resigned, why didn't you do it?I thought about it and said four words: A bunch of idiots. I don't have a common language with the people in the unit, it's like talking about chastity with chickens. My impression of work is like marrying a daughter-in-law back home. I have never met her before. I just heard from hearsay, how beautiful this person is, how ingenious, how understanding, how budding, how kind.But when I took off the hijab, I found that the bride was far from the legend, not to mention that she was as beautiful as a flower, and she couldn’t even see it. , After asking, I found out that after the second marriage, the children can go to the streets to play soy sauce, but it is a pity to lose the brand-new embroidered pillow.Not to mention the life after marriage, the old lady can't do any work, she is lazy, don't ask her to be reasonable, but please don't mess around.But things are not so simple, she has a whole body of problems, she slurs her mouth when she eats, grinds her teeth when she sleeps, hiccups and farts, body odor and athlete's foot... Fortunately, she can get a divorce, and it will be settled once and for all.

In this day and age, the sorrow of being a woman is that she has neither the capacity to sink a fish into a wild goose nor the color of a moon and a flower, but her heart is higher than the sky, and she is determined to make a career. Regardless of her actual ability, she still insists on celibacy , Begging Bailai to become a strong woman and have full confidence in the future.And my sorrow is that I once let such a woman be my leader, so depression is inevitable.Fortunately, I finally regarded money as dung, abandoned that little salary, and left. It is said that in the previous four months, there were three people who worked here successively, all of whom left because of Jeanne Martha, and I was the fourth.This reminds me of the joke. There was a fool lying on the side of the well at the entrance of the village and counting 13, 13, 13. At this time, a curious person from another village came to see what the fool was counting at the mouth of the well. The fool pushed him away. Go down to the bottom of the well and count, 14, 14, 14.I think Jenny Martha is counting 4, 4, 4 by now.

When I got home, I accidentally saw the work records in the notebook, and I couldn't help feeling sad. Although these contents had become veritable garbage, they recorded how youth disappeared. Youth is short, and the happiness that belongs to youth in life is even more swift, like a meteor flashing by, never staying, so fast that none of us can catch it. Looking back at the time when I was hired, I was actually full of joy, thinking that I had won it. I made an appointment with Lao Wai and Liu Zi at a restaurant in Dongdan at 7:00 p.m. The place was fixed by Lao Wai. I chose this restaurant because Lao Wai kept saying that Kung Pao chicken was only eight yuan. Still a nine-inch plate.I agree because it is open 24 hours a day, so you can have fun.

Afraid that Liu Zi would be late, we specifically told him to meet at 6:30, but he still showed up late at 7:20, so we called him and told him the restaurant 100 meters north of Dongdan intersection, and he still looked for it. The excuse is that the place is too far away and it is hard to find. When we didn’t have a mobile phone, we asked Liu Zi for a drink, and we only called him: 50 meters east of the north gate of the school, turn left at the alley at the entrance of the pancake shop, and go 30 steps forward to the chain store, and there is a watch repairer at the opposite door brand.He can find all these, but today he arrived late. It seems that after graduation, the changes will be great.

After ordering, the lady asked us what to drink.It’s boring to drink Yanjing all the time. We asked the lady what kind of special wine she had, and she said she had self-brewed liquor, then turned around and pointed in the direction of the bar for us to see. I saw snakes, scorpions, centipedes, cockroaches, toads, turtles, and eight pangolins soaked in a chemical container. Ginseng, wolfberry, ganoderma lucidum, cactus and other precious species, the liquid in the bottle is the color of urine, and a note is pasted on the outside of the bottle, which reads: one man is in charge, and ten thousand women are not allowed to open it.

That's it, a catty first, Liu Zi said.The lady said that this is tonic wine, and you can drink at most one or two each time.Liu Zi said, I'm so weak that even a catty won't be able to help me.Yeah, look at the way he's over-indulgent, get out of his way, I said.The lady said that's all right, and left in horror. I suddenly remembered that Wang Dapeng was working nearby, so I called him over for a drink together. Anyway, he was married, and drinking some tonic wine was targeted, unlike Lao Wai, who had to deal with it himself when he was burned to the brim. Wang Dapeng was ecstatic when he answered my call. He said, I am working night shift again today, and I am worrying about how to pass the long night.I said that the property of the people will not suffer losses because of your dereliction of duty and come out to drink, right?Wang Dapeng said, now is a peaceful and prosperous age, so peaceful that we can't even pay the bonus.I said that's fine, you get less bonuses, in exchange for the people of the whole country to go to work happily and return home safely, with immeasurable public morality.Wang Dapeng said, I am a police officer, I don't care about the ground, I only check my pockets.I said that you all eat the imperial food anyway, and you are all prosperous. Here, on behalf of myself, I would like to express my high respect to the laborers in uniform-you hurry up, we will come out of the alley of your unit and go 500 meters south across the road.

Wang Dapeng came in in official clothes. We ate edamame and asked him to sit down. He was about to grab his buttocks when he thought of something, so he said, I'm going to the bathroom. I said, after all, it is a civil servant.Lao Wai said, no, after all, they are married people. I'm not used to people calling the toilet the toilet. The main purpose of going there is to go to the toilet. Even if the people who have relieved their hands, how many people can wash their hands? Why, since it has nothing to do with washing hands, don't call it a toilet, so what should be called a place to pee and shit, no matter how polite it is, it is also a place for people to defecate.

Wang Dapeng came back from the toilet to wash his hands and joined the ranks of eating edamame. There was only one plate of edamame on the table. We urged the other dishes three times, but they were still not served.We sucked the edamame one bite at a time, talking poorly, Lao Wai ate a peppercorn, raised it up and asked us what it looked like, everyone shook their heads, and said that they didn’t look like anything other than a peppercorn.Lao Wai said, one stick, two grains, the same as the second child.Liu Zi shouted to the waiter: Why haven't the dishes been served yet? The first glass of wine was for me, because I'm out of work.The second glass of wine was still for me, congratulating me on my freedom.The third glass of wine was also for me, wishing me an early post.I said to change the subject for the fourth cup. After thinking about it for a long time, there is no more suitable reason than wishing me to continue to fire the boss next time, so one cup lasted for a week. Wang Dapeng said that the wine was good, and he was very tired recently.We said we know you just got married, look at your yellow face, drink more.Wang Dapeng said that it was not that he was tired from having sex, but that he was tired from work, so tired that he hadn't had sex for a long time.We asked what could tire him out so much.Wang Dapeng said that a foreign leader just left, and I didn't take off my clothes and went to bed for several days.I said, you didn't come to China for money laundering, can you do this to the police?Wang Dapeng said, but the above regulations are like this, there is no way, who let Bush come.I said yes, Bush is here? Wang Dapeng said, no way, you don't know about this? !It’s no wonder that there are two kinds of people who don’t know about Bush, those who are mentally handicapped and those who have great ambitions. But if you can get into a university and get a diploma, it means that you are not mentally handicapped. You must have an IQ that can memorize 4,000 words at least. Level 4, mastering 4,000 vocabulary), a Bush only has a few letters, so you must be the latter, and those with great ambitions don’t pay attention to him at all. Bush is nothing to worry about. What Wang Dapeng said made Liu Zi and Lao Wai couldn't help laughing, and it also made me feel elated and ecstatic. It was the first time someone praised me like this, but I want to tell him, don't think that there are no mentally handicapped college students. In fact, the number is quite considerable. Wang Dapeng's words were not in vain. I paid for the last meal. Maybe this is the purpose of his above remarks. Ordinarily, no one will be able to treat me. I should be the one who was invited, but I paid for it somehow. I vaguely remember that they stopped me when I asked the lady to pay the bill, but they didn’t stop me. I forgot it was They didn't want to stop it, but they really couldn't stop it.I was high again that night. Time is hard to pass, but when it comes to the wine table, it feels like it passes so fast, and the night is quiet before you know it, especially after drinking too much, it feels like time has stopped, or even runs backwards, and often forgets it. I'm going to work" as an excuse to leave, I poked my wine glass on the table: no one is allowed to leave! Liu Zi said, what time is it? I am already tall, and its characteristic is that it is not too late for me at any time.I said, anyway, it's not dawn yet.I'm the kind of person who likes to toss when I drink too much. How dare you rest tomorrow, Liu Zi said. I said, what do you mean. Liu Zi realized that he was talking about my pain, so he quickly changed his words: "It's nothing, I drank and drank, and then touched me." We had already finished drinking a catty of white wine, and a beer bottle appeared on the table at some point, no matter what kind of wine, as long as you can get drunk, today I have to pour myself down, fuck, I feel bad! But none of us fell down, but a few waiters couldn't stand it anymore and fell on the table. A girl was still snoring, which made a loud sound, and the first sound scared me.And the waiter at our table was still awake all the time, drinking cups of strong tea, his eyes were bigger than Zhao Wei's, for fear that we would run away, if I were the director, I would ask her to shoot Huan Zhu Ge Ge 4. After checking out and leaving the door, Wang Dapeng took out his pocket and found that the mobile phone was gone. I remembered that he had put the mobile phone in the teapot just now when he was unprepared.His mobile phone is a Siemens 3518. I heard that it is waterproof, but I don't believe it. Now I can finally tell the authenticity. I went back to get it. The girl was panicked because of my reappearance just now. I saw her mouth was stuffed. Seeing someone approaching, she swallowed hard. It might be stuck, her face was flushed, and her neck was thick. A piece—it is estimated that the girl swallowed a pill, and she choked like that. I still remember this despite being drunk, because her expression was so funny. I hurriedly said, I didn't see it, I didn't see anything.As if I've done something shameful.I think there should be half a meatball on the table at this time. When we left, there was one and a half uneaten. At that time, Wang Dapeng said to pack it up and take it away, and eat it early after the night shift, but he looked at the watch. I have already downloaded it, so I didn’t take it, and went straight home to sleep.It's not easy for the little girl, she must be hungry if she stays with us overnight, and it's time to eat something now. I fished out the phone from the teapot and saw that the signal was still full, which verified the rumors.At the same time, I saw that there was only half a ball left on the table. I think I'd better leave now, and hope that the girl can swallow that pill as soon as possible, so as not to suffocate herself because of it.In fact, I really want to ask her if she drinks water, I'll pour it for you.However, it is estimated that she would not be able to speak if asked. After waking up the next day, I felt physically uncomfortable. It must be because I drank too much the night before, and I must have said countless stupid things. I drank too much not once or twice.I used to warn myself not to talk too much after drinking, and I will lose if I talk too much, but there is no way. When I was high, I thought that every sentence I said was wise and famous. It may sound silly, but the power of alcohol is overwhelming. It was already two o'clock in the afternoon when I got up, and my head was still dizzy. After I cleaned up my personal hygiene, I felt uncomfortable and decided to go out to get some fresh air. On the street, the afternoon sun shone warmly on my body. A foreigner was shooting Beijing street scenes with a DV. He looked fifty years younger. His figure was still straight, his buttocks were raised high, and he was walking. I felt energetic, and I followed him for a while, my legs were weak, my feet stumbled, I almost fell myself, and I hiccupped, still smelling of alcohol.The foreigner looked back at me, smiled slightly, then walked like flying, and disappeared into the street. Compared with him, my life is not sunny enough-it is sunny, it is just a leaky house and continuous night rain. That night after getting drunk, I felt extremely depressed. I lit a cigarette and thought about what I had done all these years. Since I was in college, I seem to have never been idle. I did a small business for three months. When all the goods were sold, the money in my hand was not as much as when I bought the goods. Later, I contracted an off-campus restaurant with my classmates. The compensation was so great that I hadn’t paid my tuition fees at the end of the semester, so I was almost rescued by the Hope Project. In fact, if the teacher who taught me didn’t go out to eat every three days, I would basically be able to make a living; Internally, he was involved in various school activities, and because he failed to establish a personal relationship with the teacher, his title was taken off after two months; in addition, he wrote some sad songs with petty bourgeois sentiments, which he dubbed "Campus Originals" , Now it sounds like moaning without illness. I have been to some schools and the media to sing, and I have heard applause that is not much smaller than the tide. Many, most of them are hard to make ends meet, so before starving to death, I returned to my work, wrote and calculated, and took my diploma to find a job, but I searched and searched, and I was still unemployed. What's wrong with me?Why do others do a good job, and some people have signed contracts for more than 5 years, what is the difference between me and them, or where I am smarter or stupid than them, I grew up eating whole grains, in Beijing They all live by drinking the water of Miyun Reservoir. Could it be that I am the only one who has ideals, the only one who is cynical, the only one who is different, the only one who is a swan, and everyone else is a bird.I think I'm just an idiot, after tossing and tossing, what I left for myself in the end, apart from a mess, footprints of different shades, and memories of laughing, what else is more worthy of showing off and cherishing. I was young then, and I was an asshole back then. I'm just a part of the crowd, ordinary, ordinary, unremarkable in the crowd, undressed and no different from everyone else, the goddess of luck never favored me, I didn't go to school, the biggest official I ever was was a group The manager is in charge of sending and receiving operations every morning, and supervises the cleaning of the team members. If the inspection fails, I will bear the responsibility alone; I have never been in the top 500 at work, and even in this company, my salary is the lowest.Fortunately, he is neither deaf nor blind, has quick hands and feet, and his IQ is higher than 60, but not higher than Einstein, a typical commoner. On the road of life, I have never been smooth sailing. Elementary school did not catch up with the first batch of enlisted teams. I originally had my share, but I went to have a bowel movement during recess and failed to return to my seat before the bell rang. As a result, I was turned away from the classroom by the teacher. There were a few students who were fighting, and the teacher thought I was the same as them, but the reality was that I only watched them fight a few times before I wasted my shit.They and I stood on tiptoe, leaned against the window to watch the vivid entrance ceremony in the classroom, and the Young Pioneers song came out loud and clear, "We are the successors of communism, inheriting the glorious tradition of the revolutionary predecessors, loving the motherland, loving the people, The bright red scarf is fluttering on the chest." Suddenly, there was a loud "bang", the glass of the back door of the classroom was smashed by one of them, and the rest of them ran away, but I stood where I was, dumbstruck, when the teacher He rushed to the door, took me as a scapegoat, pointed his nose and said to me: Young pioneers like you don’t need it, and the second batch doesn’t need it. I’ll call your parents tomorrow and ask them to pay for the glass.This incident left an indelible mark on my young mind.For a long time, the bright red scarf has not fluttered on my chest. Whenever the flag-raising ceremony is held on Monday, when the loudspeaker broadcasts "Young Pioneers Salute to the Team", I am caught in the middle of the team and pay attention to it in a distinctive way. , at this moment I feel that my right arm is redundant. The same was true in middle school, where there were twists and turns and failed attempts to join the league. It was not until the university that the league secretary begged to join the league, because if there was a classmate in the class who was not a member of the league, he would not be eligible to be selected as an outstanding class group.After I joined the group, I found that it was meaningless, but I had to pay the group fee on time, so when I needed a photo, I took off the photo on the membership card and pasted it on the monthly ticket. In this way, the photo was used when it was needed more And more meaningfully, since then, my membership card has never been stamped and registered.Later, when I was filling out my resume after graduating from university, I hesitated again and again in the column of "political identity". I didn't know what my identity should be, so I had to fill in the "mass" for myself. Sadness is like water in a sponge, there is always something to squeeze, but my sadness is like running water, once the valve is opened, it will continue to flow.Since the existence of emotional awareness, when I was very young, I would feel melancholy because of the end of the cartoon, and when I was in elementary school, I would feel lost because of the sun setting on Sunday. In middle school, I would suffer because the girl I had a crush on liked my buddy When I went to college, sadness was like a festering abscess, one piece after another, overwhelming, and now, the sadness has completely drowned me. Suddenly looking back, I suddenly discovered that the happiest time was actually the most depressing four years in college. At that time, I was like a fool, rarely thinking about what would happen tomorrow. Every night I pulled on my slippers, smoked a cigarette butt, and carried a big tea Muzi goes to the library to read novels, or drinks in small groups after playing football all afternoon, goes to the restaurant to close, then enters the dormitory through the window, falls asleep, and wakes up to the next afternoon, and then prepares for the next football game and Beer, let the energy, time and living expenses roll away, leaving only sadness, but this kind of sadness is a great joy in today's eyes. Thinking about these questions made me dizzy, and I wanted to go to sleep, but I didn't feel sleepy. I looked at the watch, it was only a little past nine o'clock, and I was at a loss. Feeling idle around 9:30 in the evening is the most uncomfortable, and this time is also the hardest to pass, going to bed too early, dinner is not digested, it is not too early to go out for entertainment, everyone is almost drunk—it’s like An eighty-year-old man is only one step away from death, and life is meaningless, and he can only live one day at a time, and at this moment, I can only count on one minute to another, hoping to get sleepy soon, or to pick up one after another. I'm out on the phone. The call didn't come, but the process of waiting for the call is doing one thing. When the thing is done, or when I wait until twenty-three o'clock, I realize that there will be no more calls. And this time I can rest.When I was in school, the lights were turned off at eleven o'clock in the evening, and I was still subtly affected by those four years. Another day passed. After I resigned, I accidentally heard Liu Huan's "Start Again" on TV. I used to listen to it just to scratch the surface, and I listened to it after I had a painful experience. Not to mention, it was really tasteful, and it gave me some spiritual comfort. I was bored at home, went out to buy a newspaper, and read it carefully when I came back. I saw all kinds of advertisements from the issue, from domestic news to international news, social news to cultural news, and finally the weather. In fact, it is useless to read the forecast. As long as there is no earthquake tomorrow, even if a knife is used, it has nothing to do with me. Except for occasionally going out to buy a newspaper, I stay indoors most of the time. I majored in mechanical engineering at university, and I know that this is a problem of tolerance and fit. I received a text message from Liu Zi asking me how I felt after I resigned, but he didn't work hard.I wrote back to him: the moment I walked out of the office building after resigning, I felt a surge of pleasure; a few days after resigning, I was hearty; in the next few days, loss and emptiness would follow one after another; after staying at home for a few days, I would feel renewed The desire to get a job.Liu Zi said, forget it. Fortunately, the Internet was born in the last century, which changed people's way of life to a certain extent, ruffian Cai and Zhang Chaoyang will feel deeply about this.At the same time, the Internet has also created one-night romances between strangers and men and women, and it has also provided convenience for graduates who are poor at words. Just enter the topic of the thesis, and there will be tens of thousands of words of information to paste. The Internet is more convenient, so I won’t list them one by one. Yes, but for me, the most important thing is to give me one more way to relieve boredom. Not long after I logged in, I heard someone knocking on the door of "咚咚咚", and the leaf in the teacup was online. Me: It seems that you are also an idler. Her: But I can't stay idle. Me: Then come out and chat, I don't think you are ugly. Her: Who told you that I am ugly, and now I specifically declare that this girl is extremely beautiful. Me: Only people with a dying candle say that. Her: Whatever you think, don't think I'll see you just by saying that. Me: how old are you? Her: What about you? I'm 23. Her: me too. Me: No wonder there is a common language. Her: Don't get close. Me: It’s said that opposites attract, why doesn’t it apply to you. She: Because you have nothing to attract me. Me: But you attract me. She: You are too easily attracted, you can be like this with everyone. Me: It varies from person to person, you don’t have a boyfriend yet, I like to help others and solve their practical difficulties. She: My difficulty is that I have too many boyfriends. Me: That's easy, you dump them all and set me right. Her: Don't be too whimsical, do something serious. Me: I really want to, but I can't find it. Her: You don't have a job? Me: It's been a long time. Her: No wonder I see you all the time. Me: This is fate, as the old saying goes, it is fate to meet thousands of miles away. She: Wait for a chance, I can’t do it today, my husband is back, 88. me? !husband? ! The computer reminded me that I had received a new email, I entered the mailbox, and saw the email from Lei Lei, that is to say, she was sitting in front of a certain computer in a certain place at this moment. I hurriedly opened the email, but it was only 8 bytes: How are you? I immediately replied 8 bytes: very bad! Not long after, Lei Lei replied with 10 bytes: I am not good either! I typed another 16 bytes: Then hurry back! Lei Lei replied with 6 bytes: No! I felt that chatting by email was too strenuous, so I sent another 14 bytes: tell me your QQ. But did not receive a reply, Lei Lei may have left.Where she went, I still have no idea. This is the disadvantage of the Internet. Although I receive a letter, I can't find the exact location of the other party. It's too imaginary. I like the truth. A missing person notice was posted on the bus stop: "Li Xiulian, female, 73 years old, small feet, severely mentally ill, often talking to herself, Shandong accent, lost at 14:00 on November 16 this year, if anyone knows , you can call 1330126XXXX, there will be a reward!" I heard someone say that the children in this family are really filial.I don't know where filial piety is. Isn't it the right thing to do? It's not filial if it doesn't.Maybe this happened to the speaker just now. His attitude is, just throw it away, and he doesn't care if he loses his wallet. I was deeply inspired, and with the attitude of giving it a try, I posted a "Advertisement on Finding Love" on various online forums, briefly describing the ins and outs of Lei Lei and me, and leaving a phone number and E-mail, and within a long time , I received countless messages and posts, some made me feel painful, some said to introduce me another one of the same type, some said that there is no grass in the end of the world, and some said don't worry, it's yours If you want to run, you can't run. Don't be in vain. If you don't want it, you can't get it. The world is as big as it is, and as small as it is.One look at this person is because he listens too much to Sun Nan's songs. At the same time, I also received a letter from Lei Lei, she told me not to waste my efforts, she wanted to stay away from me for a while, because when she was with me, her mind was still full of images of graduate students, and when she forgot about me and graduate students When there is one of them, it will come back to find the other, or forget about both of us. I feel restless, unable to read, watch TV, or listen to English. I always want to do something, but I don’t know what to do. I can’t do anything but I still want to do something. If you can't find the north, don't you have a fucking anxiety disorder. Dad also retired and stayed at home for many days, doing nothing all day long, looking around, touching this, touching that, picking up and putting down, putting down and picking up, it seems that some nerve is wrong, I haven't gone to work yet, so I'm just like him. Dad saw that I was getting more and more disliked, and I saw him getting more and more annoying, and finally one day he couldn't bear it anymore, and I said I was going out. Dad didn't understand what it meant, and asked me what time I would be back, and I said, I won't be back. I hide an indelible campus affection, until now the monthly pass is still in the city, I plan to go back to school to find a dormitory.If I had money, I would rent a room next to the school, but I didn't, so I could only live in a dormitory. I dialed the number of the original dormitory. "Hey, who are you looking for?" The call was answered. "Are you freshman?" I asked. "Why, who are you?" "I used to be in this dormitory, I just graduated." "Is there something wrong? Quickly change the gun, look dead, true face!" He was playing CS as soon as he heard it.I looked at my watch, it was quarter past ten, it was the time for class, I could hear the dormitory was quite lively on the phone, I guess there were not as many people in the classroom as there were in the dormitory at the moment. "Is there any free bed? I'll sleep for two days. Recently, I miss my alma mater so much that I can't sleep at night." "Coincidentally, a buddy got a year off due to hepatitis, and the bed is empty, as long as you dare to live." "Dare! I'll bring a bottle of Erguotou for disinfection." "Bring two bottles and drink some by the way." "Good!" I bought two bottles of Erguotou, moved my bedroll and set up camp at the school again, feeling completely different from four years ago.At that time, when I entered the campus, I felt like going back to my own home, but now when I step into the school gate, it feels like visiting. I smelled the unique smell of the boys' dormitory again, and seeing the underpants and socks hanging on the wire, I felt very intimate. When I was in school, my buddies in the dormitory and I were brothers and sisters. We only used our own toothbrush, and shared everything else. A pair of slippers, regardless of 39 or 43 feet, a lunch box for instant noodles for those who are hungry, a The washbasin is used by whoever does the laundry. By the way, there is another basin, which is dedicated to Lao Wai. It is the basin where he washes his butt. Every night after the lights are turned off, he hides in the single room of the toilet with it to wash and wash.Once when I went to have a bowel movement, I opened the door of the private room, and saw Lao Wai facing me with his water-drenched buttocks, and I saw his embarrassed eyes from his crotch.What scares us the most is that before knowing that Lao Wai used it to wash his butt, he almost used it to make dumpling stuffing on Laba Day. Thanks to the dormitory next door, he borrowed it to make stuffing. After I moved in, I called Lao Wai. He lived in the school all the time and was not in the same building as me. I said that Hu Hansan was back again. The foreigner said welcome, warm welcome, what show tonight.I said, let's be old-fashioned and drink some wine. But every time I drink too much. It's nice to live back to school, especially drinking at night. When I was in school, I read a few Beijing writers about their lives. They often drink in the restaurant and go to the bar until the early morning of the next day. I don’t understand, why not just drink in the restaurant? Is it to change a few appetizers, if you have to replace the pine nut corn with popcorn, how much more alcohol can you drink for the car money coming and going? I didn’t know the secret until I left school. It turns out that most restaurants close after ten o’clock. If you want to continue drinking, you can only go to the bar or KTV, but the writers are masters who can speak well, and they can speak better than sing, so they don’t go to karaoke bars but go to bars. When most restaurants are closed, it is the time when restaurants around the school are busy. Men and women who are hungry after evening self-study will sit around a table in groups and order two plates of potato shreds and five plates of fried rice, AA system; The students who just woke up from the dream couldn’t fall asleep at night, so they dragged two students who were also unable to sleep downstairs to drink; there were also students who started drinking at seven or eight o’clock. At this time, the waiters and chefs must be prepared to accompany them until dawn. It is common for them to ask you to spread three eggs in the middle of the night. Now, I can finally experience this wonderful feeling again. I had a meal with Lao Wai and the students in the dormitory in the restaurant on the second floor of the school cafeteria. It didn’t cost much, and we ate very happily, especially the dish of twice-cooked pork. This dish is much more authentic to the cook. I brought two bottles of Erguotou, one bottle was used for disinfection, and one bottle was drunk. There are so many people and strength, and it’s okay after drinking it. I suggested another bottle. Those students couldn’t say no. They made an appointment with the dormitory opposite at night. Go to an Internet cafe to push Interstellar, and fight it out, or the other party will always challenge, and then each of you will light a cigarette and rush to the battlefield. Lao Wai and I drank two more bottles of beer. We felt that we were in the right mood, so we called Liu Zi and asked him to come over. This kid is also at the school, and he is having dinner with Chen Xi at the restaurant in front of the school. I said, why don’t you call me when you come to school? He said, Chen Xi and I will go back to the department to print out the transcripts, and she is going to apply for studying abroad. , I was afraid that you were busy, so I didn't call, and besides, I didn't know you were there. I said I moved back to school, and you should come back too.Liu Zi said that the school was not peaceful again.I said that I was going to write a novel when I came back this time, and Lao Wai also worked very hard and bought several books for the postgraduate entrance examination.Liu Zi said, when did you two become so pursuing.I said let's talk face to face, don't donate to China Telecom, their bonus is high enough.Liu Zi said, then come over here, the old place. The old place is the restaurant in the west gate of the school that sells half dishes, which is especially popular with students. Lao Wai and I walked to the school gate and were stopped by security guards, asking, "What are you going to do?" "Get out." We didn't think so. "What time is it?" It turns out that the school has a new rule that it is forbidden to enter and leave the school gate after eleven o'clock in the evening, but we have to go out anyway, but the security guards will not let us go, so we can only say, "We are not from this school. " "Don't do this with me." The security guard said, "Anyone who wants to go out will say that he is not from this school, who will believe it!" I said, "We really don't belong to this school. We don't have a student ID card at all." The student ID card was confiscated by the school long before graduation, lest we use it to do evil. The security guard said: "Whoever wants to go out will show us the student ID card, even if there are eight ID cards, he will say no." I thought, that’s true. Without a student ID card, I can’t prove that I’m from this school, and I can’t prove that I’m not a student here. The security guard asked again: "Why are you out so late?" "Have a drink." Lao Wai said, "How about going together?" The security guard said: "No, night shift, I can let you go out, and carry a bottle of beer for me by the way." Lao Wai and I agreed straight away. We are both young people, so we can understand. Later, we not only brought two bottles of beer to the security guard, but also packed the leftover fried peanuts for him. He chewed one and said it was quite crunchy. Had a quick chat with Liu Zi and Chen Xi, they left because they had to catch the last train.Chen Xi also has no job now. She said that she hopes to have a better opportunity. To put it bluntly, she hopes that some first world country will take her in. She doesn't want to stay in China anymore. Lao Wai and I went back to the dormitories. When we parted, Lao Wai said, look for a dormitory with more empty beds later. Back in the dormitory, they were all asleep.The smell of the dormitory at night is not fresh enough, and it always gives people the feeling of lack of oxygen. Lying on the bed, I remembered that I just boasted about Haikou preparing to write a novel. From tomorrow, I will put it into action. The next day, I turned off my mobile phone, took pen, ink, paper and inkstone and eye drops, and went to the teaching building.Get ready to go big. 我至少快一年没来过教学楼了，大四那一年没什么课，我们也很少出现在学校里，去的更多地方是小饭馆和招聘会。 我在教室里看见老歪，他正一个人背单词，我想起昨晚他说考研开始倒计时。 我凑过去：“看怎么样了？” “快了，就差300多页了。”老歪轻松地说。我看到他正看着第2页。 “准备考什么专业？”我问。 “还没想好。” “下个月就报名了吧。” “毕竟下个月才报名嘛。” “你行。” 我坐在一旁，拿出纸笔，筹划写一篇什么样的小说。 这时老歪的手机响了，他说了两句把电话给了我说，王大鹏，找你的。我们在学校混久了，对在自习室里打电话习以为常，点上一根烟也是常有的事情。小同学虽然看不惯，可也不敢管。 我问王大鹏干嘛，他说你干嘛关机，我说我要潜心写小说，他呵呵一笑，问晚上有空吗，我说我都说在潜心写小说了，他说那也不能闭门造车呀，鲜活的人物和生动的故事来源于真实的生活，晚上七点，我下了班去接你和老歪，我说那好吧。 晚上王大鹏开车过来了，老歪说他不去了，还要看书，我说走吧，不在乎这一时半会儿的，老歪说算了吧，他要分秒必争，我说要不要给你带点儿回来，他说那就带瓶蓝黑钢笔水和涂改液吧。原来我们吃饭，老歪都要求给他带啤酒和羊肉串，看来他这次要动真格的了。 幸福好像长在了我们的屁股上，每个人看到的只是他人的幸福，却对自己的一无所知，只会彼此羡慕。 和王大鹏的这顿饭没有什么值得一提的地方，只记得他说羡慕我，我问他有啥可羡慕的，他说羡慕我是自由职业者，这是当今社会的时尚，我说我的确自由，却没有职业，我现在特别羡慕没有自由但有职业的人，况且自由职业并非想象的那么春意盎然，他们是个不幸的群体。 所谓自由职业，便是没有稳定的工作，但要想自由，必然要冲破经济束缚，也就是手里得有俩儿活钱，可挣钱对所有遵纪守法的人来说，都不是一件容易的事情，天下没有免费的午餐，所以，若想有口饭吃，什么职业者都要工作，区别仅在于在哪里工作——在单位还是在自己家，什么时间工作——白天八个小时还是半夜三更随心所欲。自由职业者已脱离望文生义的表层含义，成为很受管制的一类群体。 就拿自由撰稿人来说，很多人都被编辑同志规定在条条框框里，笔下的每个字都是按媒体要求完成的，许多时候是在违背自己的意愿，笔不从心。更有一些自由撰稿人已将自己完全职业化，规定自己每天必须写出多少字，否则痛不欲生，跟上班族工作没完成时的状态无二样，生怕被老板炒了鱿鱼，就是憋也要憋出来，无论抽多少根烟，喝多少瓶酒，寻找不到灵感就去体验生活，好的坏的，积极的颓靡的，只要是社会上发生的，都要亲历。所以，出来的文字也是每个笔画都流淌着辛勤汗水和淋漓鲜血。 流血流汗是作为一名自由职业者经常遇到的事情，甚至牺牲也曾有发生，那个被后人津津乐道并愿做其门下走狗的天才作家不就英年早逝吗，虽然他留下的作品和他的名字光辉灿烂，但千万不要以为是个自由职业人就会发达，有多少人写了一辈子，写尽才华，终了还是默默无闻，无名无利，饮恨家中。 所以说，在选择这个职业前一定要考虑清楚，一切最坏的后果都要想到，这是一条不归路，做个自由职业者谈何容易。 然而其余行业不接纳我，现在又没事儿干，只能写点儿字自娱自乐。 掰手一算，我下岗已经快一个月了。而工作离我依然遥远。 为什么我久久不能找到工作，妈说是形象问题，因为我不是留长发，就是剃秃子，为此被妈说教了许多次：你看人家阎维文的发型，多精神，不长不短，老是那么整齐。爸也说我，倒不一定非要向阎维文看齐，哪怕剪个郁钧剑那样的也成。 以前我不认为和父母的代沟有多深，现在看来，差的不是一星半点儿。 他们见我听不进去，就说，别你不听老人言，我们吃过的盐比你吃过的饭都多。 但这又能说明什么，吃盐多除了导致高血压，还有什么好处，对了，还能防止白毛女的悲剧重演，可父母脑袋上的白发并不少，这似乎不是缺盐造成的。 他们老了。 好不容易盼来一场招聘会，我对国展早已轻车熟路，这里的每一场招聘会我都不曾落下，老歪谑称我就在国展上班。 国展门口有个卖笔的，每次都喊：“没笔买笔，没报买报了噢！”这次他还在吗？ 到了门口，我听见吆喝，扭头一看，果然是他：“没笔买笔，没报买报了噢！” 我冲他微笑，他也冲我微笑。我们都不容易，还笑得出来。 国展依旧人声鼎沸，展台前依旧拥挤不堪。 多数单位要求至少一年以上工作经验，我没有工作哪里来的经验；倒是也有不要经验的，可必须是应届生，而我已经属于上一茬的了——这不是成心不让我就业吗！ 一个不太熟的同学打来电话，说祝我生日快乐，我翻日历一看，可不是吗，到日子了，不禁感叹道：又他妈该过生日了。年年岁岁花相似，岁岁年年人不同，一年又一年，赶集似的。 我想起曾写的诗句： time 只管走丫自己的路 对我的悲伤 置若罔闻 我紧跑两步 赶上它，说 着个逼急！ 走这么快去他妈死呀！ 既然是生日，这一天便非同寻常，我应该喝个酩酊大醉，还是冷静地做个总结历史展望未来，深思熟虑后我选择了后者。 准备好笔和本，我决定写篇日记，翻到笔记本有字的最后一页，上面写着：1998年6月25日，天气晴……是我高考前记录下的文字，表述的是我早已摩拳擦掌，正跃跃欲试地等待7月7、8、9号的到来，且不说内容如何幼稚、可笑，就连字迹比之现在也截然不同。那时候我写字还是一笔一划，因为高考作文不让写连笔字，否则按字迹不清处理，现在的字倒是成熟多了，却不龙飞凤舞，只是朝着潦草不堪的方向发展，是上大学抄作业图速度快练出来的，老师也知道作业是抄的，再乱也不管，只是在每本作业后面写个更乱的“阅”字。 翻看几篇早年的日记，发现那时候我对潘娜一片痴心，若不是此时看到这些记录了我们点点滴滴往事的文字，我恐怕也忘得差不多了。 就在这时，我的呼机响了，操，又是天气预报，明天地球赶紧爆炸吧，活着怪累的。 前两天收拾东西，翻腾出几年前买的呼机，塞进两节电池，居然立即收到了一条天气预报，原来买的时候，寻呼台的承诺是买一台机器，免收五年服务费，现在仍在有效期。 这个呼机是我高考后去麦当劳打工攒钱买的，我没有把号码告诉过除潘娜以外的任何人，那时我和她的关系已经密不可分，在我们第一次上床后，我说我配了呼机，无论我们是否考上同一所学校，只要你呼，我就会随时出现，潘娜想象着我骑着自行车穿越北京的大街小巷带一束玫瑰花去和她在夕阳下约会的场景，感觉浪漫不已，她对我们的未来心怀憧憬，然后就要去号码。 几天后，成绩出来了，我榜上有名，潘娜无缘大学，哭哭啼啼地跑回家，后来再没有人见过她，而我的呼机，除了每日的天气预报外，便没再响过。 呼机又响了一遍，摩托罗拉就是好，凡有未读信息会随时提醒。 我按下阅读键，看看明天什么天气。 然而液晶屏上居然不可思议地显示出：“潘小姐：生日快乐！”犹如一记惊雷，霹得我头昏眼花。 我立即回电寻呼台，问刚才谁接待呼76096的业务，接电话小姐说是她，现在台里就她一个人，如今这年头一天都不见得能有一个电话进来，今天她一会儿功夫就接了两个电话。我准备问她寻呼人长什么样子，可一想又不是可视电话，就改问：“潘小姐都说什么了？” “潘小姐说的话都显示在呼机上。” “就这些吗？” “对，她说什么我们就呼什么。” “真的没有了吗？” “您怎么就不信呢，您是有什么急事儿吧？” “十万火急！” “我们这里的电话是来电显示，我可以把她的电话告诉您。” “太好了，谢谢，谢谢！” “您真的是76096的户主？” “向党保证！” “您的密码是多少？” "What password?" “就是您买呼机时候设定的密码。” “四年前的事儿了，早忘了。” “那帮不了您了，等您想起密码了再给我打电话吧。” “这事儿急死我了，你就告诉我吧。” “那不行，您也不是警察，您要有调查证我就能告诉您，再见。”说完挂了电话。 找个警察还不容易吗。我立即联系上王大鹏，给他简单叙述了事情经过，让他帮我查出潘娜的电话，王大鹏说，没想到你还有这么一段缠绵悱恻的爱情，我说欲知这个爱情故事中的女主人公近况如何，就看你的了，查到电话赶紧告诉我，我急着呢。王大鹏说好，等找到调查证就去查。 22岁在我的等待中度过了。 这晚的月亮好亮，晃得我睡不着觉。 19、20、21、22，一个个如花似锦的年纪，在我身上消失了。 有人说22岁的生日特别重要，而哪一岁的生日不重要呢，特别是对于青春所剩无几的人。 一个人兜里没几个钱，花每一分钱都会很在乎。 翌日下午，终于等到王大鹏的电话，他说这个号码是顺义的，用不用他顺藤摸瓜，一举将潘娜缉拿归案，带来见我，我说你再吓着人家，她可是一良家女子，还是我打电话会会她吧。 犹豫再三，我终于拨通这个电话，当听到那声再熟悉不过的“喂”后，我精心打下的腹稿已杂乱无章，我不知道该说什么，千万幅往事的画面在眼前频频闪过。 “喂，说话呀？”我被拉回现实。 "It's me." I said. 足有十秒钟的沉默。 “是你？”潘娜说。 "Yes, it's me." "How could it be you?" “我也很惊讶。” “你怎么知道这个电话的？” “昨天有人祝我生日快乐。” “你还知道什么？”潘娜小心翼翼。 “别的我一无所知，四年了！” “你……好吗？” “你好吗？”我反问。 "Ok." “能告诉我为什么吗？” "what why?" “为什么这四年没有看见你。” “没想到你会找到我。”潘娜答非所问。 “我也没想到你还记得我生日。” “你十七岁生日的那天下了雪。”那时我们高二，刚刚好上。 “那天你穿了一件白色的毛衣，站在雪地里，像个雪人。” “都是过去的事情了。” "You now……" “我现在挺好的。” "I want to see you." “还有必要吗？” "Have!" “对不起！”然后潘娜挂了电话。 我再打，对方拿起电话就立刻挂断，拔了八次，无功而返。 我想起打电话是要收费的，就没再拨第九次。 星移斗转，时光飞逝，转眼已是2002年底。 四年半前，高考结束后，潘娜让我陪她去安慰一个和她亲密无间的失恋女友，之所以找到我，是因为抛弃这个女生的男生是我哥们儿，他考上军校的飞行员（提前录取），认为将来还是找个空姐儿做老婆好，就把现任女友甩了，而这个女生又接受不了残酷的现实，因为男生前几天晚上还说要对她好一辈子，她这才让他把手伸进自己的怀里，可刚被他摸了乳房，就不得不面对这样的结果，她感觉太丢人了，早知如此当初决不会那么轻易就把扣子解开。 我替哥们儿开脱：如果他当时知道自己上了军校，决不会这么随意的。女生说，幸好他不知道，否则我要被他占更大的便宜，男人没一个好东西。我说你别打击一大片呀，男人中的好东西是不多，可你面前就站着一个。潘娜说，都什么时候了，你还贫，赶紧说两句好听的。我说，没错，我这哥们儿就是陈世美，欠斩。女生说，太便宜他了，我要让他不得好死。She was so angry. 后来这个男生真的死了，死得很惨。当他的尸体从海下打捞上来后，已经被鱼蟹吃得体无完肤，口腔里还含着一个皮皮虾，欢蹦乱跳，而他已经死了一礼拜，臭不可闻。 人失恋后首先想到的是哭泣，然后是借酒消愁，再然后是于疼痛中等待着伤口渐渐愈合。 这个女生在她家大哭大闹了一场后，说我渴了，需要喝点儿酒。我不知道她平时是否也饮酒解渴，既然她说要喝点儿，只好满足，我说啤的还是白的，我下去拎两瓶。女生说，床底下有，女儿红。 我从床下爬出来，找到一瓶落满灰尘的女儿红，说，这好像是你妈出嫁时候的嫁妆。她说现在是我的嫁妆，我妈说等我结婚的时候喝。我说那还是收起来吧，你现在连男朋友都没有。她说不，就喝！我妈让我做个好姑娘，可我连胸都让人摸了，还怎么当好姑娘，呜呜……她边哭边启开瓶盖咕咚咕咚大喝起来，擦都不擦，蹭了一嘴土。 何谓好姑娘，在当时一个高中女生看来或许就是如此，当她们经历了几年大学生活后，才会发现自己当初多么纯真，或者说是浅显，而这个标准，现在放到初中都勉为其难。 女生已经喝掉半瓶女儿红，见我和潘娜并没阻止，就自己放下酒瓶，说，你们也喝点儿吧，说完，倒在床上人事不醒。 我和潘娜没有拦她，以为她喝的酒没什么度数，相当于饮料，可当我拿起酒瓶闻了闻才发现果真有些度数。再看她，躺在床上鼾声已起，脸比酒都红，我第一次发现女人睡觉也打呼噜。 潘娜拍了拍她，问她有事儿吗，她翻了一个身说，飞行员有什么了不起，然后就没了动静，但胸脯还是一起一伏的。 我和潘娜还是不放心，打算等她醒来或她父母回来后再走，怕她真有个好歹的。于是，给她关上门，进了她父母的卧室。 我打开电视，看遍所有频道，没有能让我看半分钟以上的节目，我看到电视机旁边放着录像机，就把线接上，机器里面放了一盘看到一半的带子，我按下PLAY。 那时候家里有VCD的还不多，现在EVD都他妈的快出来了，难怪我会从一个朝气蓬勃的少年变成一个老气横秋的青年。 当电视上出现画面的时候，我和潘娜不约而同地惊呆了。房间寂静无声，只有电视里的男人和女人发出我们不曾听过却又吸引我们听下去的声音，粗糙的画质中，一男一女赤裸着身体在背景音乐中交欢，样子异常快乐。 我和潘娜先是不知所措，然后看了几分钟录相，就自然而然地搂在一起。我们把手伸到对方的衣服里摸索，摸着摸着，就直奔要害。 如果没有看到这盘录像带，我和潘娜也不会发生下面的事情，但有些事情是命中注定的，注定了我们要跨越雷池。 黄赌毒害死人啊！还有一件事儿让我记忆犹新，上大学后不久，央视一度热播，在学生中间反响极大，特别是演到潘金莲巧遇西门庆那集，全校学生准时守候在宿舍的电视机前，一些没有电视的宿舍特意买了二手电视，还有一些学生自发组织起来，像看球赛一样，去了北京站和校外有大屏幕电视的饭馆。到了电视剧开演时教学楼已空无一人，众人目不转睛地看着王思懿和李强的表演，并将音量开到最大，嗯嗯啊啊之声响彻校园，回荡在夜空，让人久久不能平静。据说第二天，许多学生无精打采地出现在课堂上。 电视上的男人和女人在音乐中挥洒着激情。第一次看到这种场面，所以我幼稚地以为，干这事儿都要来点儿音乐，然后进一步想到，在CD机和录音机发明以前，人类是如何在这个时候加入音乐的，难道有人在一旁伴奏不成，不知伴奏者是否被蒙住眼睛，反正我不习惯干事儿的时候有人在边上看着。 没再往下想，也容不得我多想，一件更重要的事情摆在我面前，我必须全力应付——潘娜已经把自己脱得一点儿不剩。 我也三下两下把自己脱得精光光，然后抱住潘娜……我们早把正身处同学父母卧室这件事情忘得一干二净。 还记得当时我挥汗如雨，心急如焚，可就是进不去，我一想，噢，对了，缺点儿什么，于是下来打开收音机，当音乐响起的时候，我在潘娜的叫声中如愿以偿。 后来当我对这件事情的了解逐渐深入的时候，才发现是可以没有音乐的。 当我们结束了第一次的时候，画面上的男女也完了事，他俩用英语不知在交流着什么，而我和潘娜却不知道说点儿啥好。 终于我说了第一句话：把衣服穿上吧，电视里那俩人正瞧着咱俩呢，怪不好意思的。 潘娜却挪开身子，把她身下那一片印在裙子上的血迹给我看，我说我不会让你失望的，她这才把衣服一件件地穿上。 那天潘娜穿了一条花裙子，唯独没有红色，印在上面的血迹使得这条裙子穿在她身上更加漂亮。 我看着那块鲜艳的血迹，告诉潘娜我买了呼机，以后想我的时候就拷我，只要你想，我们就永远在一起，她说好，然后要去了号码。 后来那个女生醒了，她跑去厕所呕吐，吐得满屋都是酒味，我们边给她捶背，帮她吐得更多，边鼓舞说，忘掉过去，迎接未来吧，她说路在自己脚下，她会走好每一步的，决不会再这么轻易就袒露胸怀，我们说那好，保重，然后就告别了。 几天后，高考成绩公布，潘娜没考好。从此以后，我便再没有见过她，我曾比高考复习更努力地找过她，但没有结果，也许这就是我和她的结果，但我不信。 知道潘娜的电话后，我不厌其烦地打给她，她多数不接，偶尔说上两句话，依然不肯见我，但后来我和她还是见面了，她依旧美丽动人。 一个高中同学死了，就是那个考上飞行员的男生，在他的葬礼上，潘娜终于出现。 是我通知潘娜的，除了我，没有人知道她现在的联系方式。原来的班主任说，昔日同窗不在了，希望同学们都能来看看他，于是我告诉了潘娜。 葬礼上，那个失恋的女生看着墓碑上那个男生的照片哭着说，我只是说说而已的，你怎么能当真呢。 除了葬礼的主角，全班同学悉数到会，尽管大家都很忙，甚至有的人一边给死去的同学鞠躬，一边打着手机开会。 毕业四年半后，这是聚会人数最齐的一次。如果每次都因为有人死了才能凑齐，那聚会的代价也太大了。 上次和潘娜通话不久后，这个同学出了事儿。毕业后，他以实习驾驶员的身份，被分到航空公司，整日看着老驾驶员操控着波音飞机在蓝天上翱翔，有时还跑跑国外航线，下了飞机就能领略当地的风土人情，被我们一致认为找了一个同学中间最好的工作