Chapter 5 Chapter 5 I'm idle

1 In contrast, love is harder to find than a job. Before I found Lei Lei, I found a job selling letters for a living, writing scripts for film and television companies.The scriptwriter with me is a buddy who has been drifting in Beijing for many years and still has no ambitions. The boss said that the two people write to learn from each other's strengths and complement each other's weaknesses. I'm skeptical that the boss believes that I can write the script for filming, but the boss said, one episode is 8,000, at least 20 episodes, you guys watch and write.What else is there to say, just write it, eight thousand, it doesn't matter whether it is before tax or after tax.

The two of us understood the boss's intentions. He wanted to make a love tragedy. He wanted to be the director himself, and the actresses were all found. I have seen a few North Drifters. At present, apart from them, the boss is alone. The boss wants this drama to become a big hit across the country, and by the way, a rising star, little Gong Li, Zhang Ziyi, or something.We both agree that it is false for the boss to push newcomers, but it is true for our own enjoyment. The boss said that the script must have a story, the plot must be twists and turns, suspenseful, and intricate, like, at least one monster in an episode, ninety-nine, eighty-one, and even one will not work, and you will fall into the river after learning the scriptures.The boss likes to talk about things. He loves to watch this movie. He must watch it every time it is played.

We talked with the boss about the script for a week. During the period, food and housing were managed, and the conditions were acceptable. They were all in a three-star hotel, but they were made with great effort. Someone cleaned up the next day. I finally lived without having to make the quilt and sleep by myself. The days when you can still get into a new bed. While holding back the outlines of more than 20 episodes, we also introduced ourselves. 2 The guy who wrote the script is called Lao Ma. He graduated from the Chinese Department of Liaoning University at the end of the last century.In the first year of the postgraduate entrance examination, Sun Shan failed because of a four-point gap in English. After studying English hard for a year, he took the exam in the second year.This time, he was rejected due to a 40-point difference in politics, but his English score was the highest among the many candidates who applied for the film academy this year, exceeding the average score by more than 20 points.It turned out that Lao Ma was so absorbed in English review that he forgot that there was politics in the subjects of the postgraduate entrance examination. Fortunately, he helped his girlfriend who was still in college to write a party application one month before the exam. In fact, he copied the party constitution. Move the remaining sentences in the memory to the test paper truthfully, and get a score of 16 points.On the night when the results were announced, Lao Ma was lying on the bed with his girlfriend, and the girlfriend said to him: "If I hadn't asked you to write me the party application, you wouldn't have scored 16 in the test based on your quality, so you have to thank me."

The girlfriend asked Lao Ma: "Are you going to take the postgraduate entrance examination next year?" "What?" asked the old horse. The girlfriend said: "I will become a full-fledged party member next year. I need a thought report, and I want you to write it." The old horse lost interest after listening to it, pulled out his body and said, "I won't take the exam next year, you can write it yourself." After scoring 16 points in the politics test, Lao Ma felt regretful, so he went to the tutor of the film school to explain: "I could have passed in politics, and I have passed in the past. This time I forgot about politics."

The instructor said: "We will not admit students with poor political grades. Even if you make a great film, you may not be able to pass the review. You need to improve your ideological quality after you go back." Lao Ma left the film happily College, I am glad that I did not pass the exam. 3 Back to writing the screenplay.After chatting about the outline, the boss said: Go back and write by yourself. I’m so comfortable that I’m afraid you won’t be able to work. Hurry up and earn money. If we had known that the days of corruption were so short, we would not have worked hard to come up with ideas and ideas.

We started writing scripts like this, but we didn’t know whether we could make money, just like the three disciples who followed Tang Seng to learn scriptures. They didn’t know whether the scriptures really existed, so they could only take one step at a time. 4 The boss didn't stipulate that we should be on shift, just hand in the manuscript on time, but Lao Ma went to the company every day, and he didn't go until close to noon, and left just after noon, until I met Lao Ma when I went to the company to deliver the script. It is clear at a glance why he came to the company - he came to the company to eat lunch, and he ate two portions every time.The old horse said to me: "As long as you are full at noon, make some porridge and cut some pickles at night, it will be fine."

In addition to scripts, pens and cigarettes, Ma’s schoolbag also contained a bottle of “Very Coke.” When I asked him why he didn’t buy “Coca-Cola” or “Pepsi,” Ma plausibly said: “Chinese people drink their own Coke.” I have never seen Lao Ma's bottle with drinks, but he regards this empty bottle as a treasure and never throws it away.Only after I saw it with my own eyes did I know that Lao Ma's own Coke was filled with cold water in a "Very Coke" bottle and carried with him. Lao Ma's life in Beijing was disastrous.The first time I saw him was in the company, introduced by the boss.In order to enhance communication, I gave Lao Ma my mobile phone number, but I didn’t see Lao Ma leaving his phone number, so I had to ask for it. Lao Ma said, “I’ll call you later, I don’t have a mobile phone.”

I saw a pager pinned to the old horse's waist, so I said, "You can also use a pager." Lao Ma took off the pager and said: "I stopped it early, and now I use it as a watch." When I became more familiar with Lao Ma in the future, Lao Ma told me his dilemma-rent, smoking, taking the bus, buying toilets for his girlfriend Towels and other expenses have become too much for him, so he has no watch so far, so he has to find out the pager he bought four years ago to give himself a sense of time. He secretly rejoiced that he didn't sell it for 10 yuan. I said: "The pager battery is also a big expense."

Lao Ma said: "I have already considered it, I am using a rechargeable battery." In order to buy a 25 yuan Omega from "Tianyi", Lao Ma has been saving money for many days. He said: "It costs 25 yuan to buy a fake watch." Obviously, he is powerless. 5 As someone said, a screenplay, a screenplay.But screenwriting is a drudgery that is trampled underfoot. Not only do you have to rack your brains to fight openly and secretly with the producer, but you are also abused by the director. At one time, you will be asked to write people who are alive and well into the underworld, and at another time, you will be asked to write immediately into the underworld. The man in the coffin writes that he is in good health and delicious, and he doesn't take the screenwriter seriously at all, which is tantamount to rape, and revising the script is the process of pulling up his pants after being raped, and at the same time getting ready to be raped again.

The director is different. The parasites in the crew have unlimited scenery. They work in a leisurely way, and the famous director waits for the rabbit.As long as there is a good script to back it up, no matter how bad a director is, he won’t suffer from a film. It seems that as long as he can say "start, stop", anyone who can give advice to others can be a director. The artist set up the scene, turned on the lights, and the actors began to perform. The director only needs to approve a military coat in winter, eat a piece of watermelon in summer, lie down on the chair behind the monitor, and just order the crew to do it.

It is said that the son of a high-level person in the film academy is facing a high school graduation with poor grades. In order to have a place in school, he begged his father to arrange it. The high-level person asked his son if he could act. I was no longer an actor, and I asked my son how he was doing painting. The son said that he was weak in color, and he was at a loss when he arrived at the intersection. The senior management said that he couldn’t do photography. It's okay to be a screenwriter, son, learn to be a director, you can do it by yourself. 6 I negotiated with the boss for a price of 8,000 yuan per episode, but after writing one episode, the boss gave me a cigarette when I handed in the manuscript, and did not express any more, which made me doubt: Is it empty gloves? white wolf? I inquired about whether the investment was in place. The boss said that you don't have to worry about the money, just put your heart into your stomach and write the script. I believe it. The boss called me every day to ask how my script was going, but suddenly one day I didn’t receive a call, so I felt like I wouldn’t be fooled, so I called him, and the answerer was actually Wang Dapeng, who told me The owner of my phone has been detained. I asked why. Wang Dapeng said that it was because this person defrauded a company of RMB 300,000 in the name of a famous TV station.When I asked about this kind of thing, the sentence is usually a few years. Wang Dapeng said that it would not be too long, but it would not be short. I said that he is my boss and still owes me money for the script.Wang Dapeng said that he cheated again and fell into the law just to send money to you.I was a little moved after hearing this, the boss is really a good person.Fortunately, I didn't get the money, otherwise it would not have been confiscated as stolen money. Although the result is that I lost the money, but the money is gone before it is in my pocket and it is two completely different feelings from taking money out of my pocket. In the end, I told Wang Dapeng, the old guy fucked me up, and you kick me twice later, be gentle, I feel sorry for being too hard.Wang Dapeng said, I have already called him, otherwise he would not be recruited. I figured it out. Any boss who says money is not a problem must have a problem with money. After the boss went to jail, Lao Ma and I had to separate.Master was captured, what scriptures should he learn? Only investors pay attention to scripts, and investors have different visions. If a script written for one person is shown to another, most of the latter will not be interested.One person has one idea, some people think that a script that can be selected for Oscars will be commented by others: such a thing can also be filmed!So, the boss was taken away, and what was left to me was just a pile of waste paper fused with hope and labor, but the dream of money that was ignited by me was shattered, and even fueled by the fire. 7 Writing scripts made me and Lao Ma a pen pal. He is also good at writing, but he never expresses his feelings. He just uses it as a means of making a living and writes when he has work. Lao Ma knew that I was writing novels, and once suggested that you should give the book a nice name, such as "Chrysanthemum Fragrance", or "Lavender".I said, I don’t have the poignant beauty of the Koreans or the romance of the Taiwanese, and I can’t think of such a nice name. After all, I’m not a gardener, and I don’t know much about flowers and plants. I’m just one of the unemployed young people in Beijing. All I can think of is Names like "The Miasma", "We Are Restless", "A Pile of Hormones". The old horse said, then your book should have a sassy girlfriend or a protein girl, and a lingering love story with the male protagonist.I said that touching and tear-jerking love is becoming increasingly rare in reality, and most of the love has become too vulgar. Ma also said, you can write about real life.I said, eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, male robbers and female prostitutes, intrigues, life is nothing more than that. Ma finally said, what do you want to write! That's right, I don't know what to write. I think of it as a book, so I don't care what I write.I remember the film master Skilowski said that works in the true sense, whether they are poems, novels, dramas or movies, try to describe an emotion or a state of the soul.Just don't stray too far away. I asked Lao Ma, you are learning Chinese, why don't you write.Lao Ma said, which awesome writer have you ever met learned Chinese. The above words were said by the two of us in a restaurant where boiled peanuts only cost 2.5 yuan. At that time, a cockroach was crawling on the table with soy sauce soup sticking to its legs. He simply stopped in the middle of the table, staring at the two eyes like English periods, looking at the old horse for a while, and looking at me for a while.It may be that our conversation didn't attract it. It shook its head and got under a napkin, not knowing what to do.After a while, when the old horse picked up the napkin to wipe his mouth, he found that the cockroach was lying on his back on the table with his legs upside down. He probably fell asleep or drank too much. Lao Ma said that when he just graduated, his heart was higher than the sky, and he looked forward to a bright future every day, but the reality made him bump into the south wall, rubbed his nose, and then kept his own place and resigned himself to fate. He also warned me not to rush for success, and the mentality must be Steady, one step at a time, so that you will not be disappointed.I understand the truth, but I just can't stabilize. I am now at the time when hormone secretion is strong. Later, Lao Ma and I had a dispute over how many bottles of beer we drank. He repeatedly said that he drank 9 bottles. I insisted that I drank 11 bottles. My basis was that I would not faint if I drank less than 5 bottles. , Lao Wai's basis is that he only gets dizzy after 5 bottles or more, and he hasn't been dizzy yet. But Lao Ma and I were really dizzy, and we didn't think to ask the waiter how many bottles we drank. When we left the restaurant, there was no one on the street. I bid farewell to Lao Ma Yiyi and went our separate ways. After walking a long distance, I heard a song composed by Lao Ma behind me: "I am the people, why are there not many RMB..." I I saw the old horse wobbled around a corner and disappeared into the night. Since then, Lao Ma has never contacted me again. I really don't want him to be for the RMB instead of the people. 8 I started to travel frequently to various job fairs. Finding a job, a topic that should have ended before graduating from university, still continues with me.I interviewed several companies, but none of them were ideal, mostly because they looked down on me. Now my career selection criteria is, as long as I don’t sell my body, I will do it if I have a job. If I am really in a hurry, I will sell my body. Newspapers and TV have said that as long as the employment mentality is adjusted, most graduates can find jobs.What does it mean to adjust your mentality, do you need (don't) pay more and work more? If so, why are we still employed, and what can we do when we are unemployed? Many people asked me how my job search was going, and I could only say that I didn't know, because whether I was hired or not depended entirely on what the boss said. From Monday to Friday, I went to job fairs to look for jobs. On Saturdays and Sundays, I went online to look for jobs. When I had a day off, I was busier than office workers.When others are enjoying themselves in the office, I appear unsteadily in the job fair; when others are enjoying the pleasure eight hours away, I fall into nameless depression; when others are sleeping peacefully at night, I tossed and turned, took medicine and counted. Seeing the days go by day by day, I am like a headless chicken, bumping here and there on various recruitment websites, sending resumes one by one, and occasionally going to the alumni record to learn about the current situation of my former classmates, but I don’t see a few messages. Only the monitor at the time wrote down: From early morning to dusk, here is quiet, everyone seems to be very busy, they are all busy making money, come here often when you have nothing to do. No one left a message. First, some students really can’t afford to spend money to make money, and there are those like me who can’t make money, so they are even more embarrassed to say anything. At first, I thought a resume was a silver lining, but as time went on, the status quo of being unemployed started to make me despair. I went to the alumni log to express my emotions, and posted a long speech on life in the class message. After a few days, I saw the reply: Don’t be sad, our socialist banner is flying in the wind, you must unite closely around the Party Central Committee, Use the guiding ideology of the three representatives to strictly demand yourself, make persistent efforts, keep pace with the times, and strive for early re-employment! The 16th National Congress of the Communist Party of China is about to be held, the situation in the whole country is very good, and our prospects are infinitely bright! The respondent was a teacher who once taught me "socialist construction". This is the value of the existence of the alumni record, providing everyone with a place to post big-character posters. 9 After posting the big-character posters, I started writing novels. I admit that writing novels is a lazy job.I am a complete lazy person, too lazy to think, too lazy to work, often standing or sitting, lying down wherever I am, and sometimes I am too lazy to sleep.I found that people who only read books and don't write are lazier people. Fortunately, I occasionally dance a little bit of writing to get a little bit of ink. When I was in elementary school, my teacher once told me that there are two villains in the human mind, one represents diligence and the other represents laziness. Beat the lazy villain to pieces.At that time, I kept this sentence in my heart. Every time I was tired of doing my homework, I would think in my mind, "I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it." It means that the hardworking villain defeated the opponent.This trick has been tried and tested. But now this trick doesn't work, no matter how much I think "I'll beat you up, I'll beat you up", the result is always a hard-working villain getting beaten up.It seems that in the past few years, the hardworking villain has stunted growth, but the lazy villain has grown tall and big. I can't beat him anyway, damn it. 10 My inertia was developed in college, where it is very easy for people to not know what hard work is.In order to be admitted to university, high school students sleep all night long and sleep all night, and after entering university, they sleep more and more with the growth of grades.Because they did not get rid of the deep-rooted influence brought by the early self-study at 7:30 in high school, many students jumped out of bed before 6:00 (they had to wash, defecate, drink 350 ml of milk, eat a fried egg and two a piece of bread, take a bus with different times and memorize words on it, some people have to go to school early to copy homework or do cleaning), and there is nothing to do after getting up. Some people will take their lunch boxes to the cafeteria for breakfast, but this habit will also disappear over time.Therefore, those who eat breakfast in the cafeteria, except for the freshmen who have just entered the school, are the sanitation workers who have just finished sweeping the road.In the sophomore year, it is not bad to be able to sit in the classroom before eight o'clock in the morning.In the third year, if there are people in the afternoon class, it must be attributed to the teacher's lively lectures or the approaching final exam.In senior year, someone knows that getting out of bed is a miracle. University is still a place where people gradually understand some truths, but make people more confused.Some people try their best to get in the exam, and they get bored after a few days of class, so they simply drop out. Still not interested in the major, and finally dropped out of school, you are still confused when you say that this is called understanding. Dropping out, changing departments and other things are inevitable. A student is not interested in a major, can't read the books at all, fails one exam after another, makes up the exam twice or three times, and still fails. Crossing Chishui, capturing Meng Huo seven times, returning nine times to one, being expelled from school is even more embarrassing, it is better to disarm and return to the field, and leave voluntarily. Later, some schools said that out of consideration for the students, they provided the opportunity to choose a major again, and the top few could transfer to another department.I have learned the top few, which means that I have the interest and ability to learn this major well. Is it necessary to transfer to another department? University is not without its benefits, it can wash away the vanity of people, and at the same time it can make people's will wear down, sentimental, and drink a lot... That is to say, everyone who has gone to college has to undergo transformation, but whether you become a beautiful butterfly or a dirty fly depends on whether you were originally a caterpillar or a maggot. What kind of a bug I am, I don't know. 11 I can find countless reasons for myself to write. First, you need to be talented in everything you do. I don't have the talent to be a scientist, so I gave up my major.As for whether I have a talent for writing, I dare not jump to conclusions, but at least I know many more Chinese characters than I can memorize formulas. In comparison, I am more suitable for writing work. Second, when I was in junior high school, a classmate who observed carefully in the class listed the "most" in the class, for example: the person with the biggest breasts was Feng Liyuan, the person with the earliest hairy dick was Wang Dapeng, and the most stupid person was the political teacher , the poorest person is me.In addition, I still clearly remember that an uncle next door commented on me who was still in junior high school, why is this kid so poor, and he can talk about cross talk when he grows up.The above two things show that I have a talent for nonsense, although most of the time I am silent now, it is because I am too lazy to speak, and the desire to express is still there, words are the way I choose, as long as I am not reactionary or pornographic, I can I can write whatever I want, I don’t care what others think.Some people say that I have a literacy fetish. I think this is better than stealing women's toilets or hiding in an alley and taking off my pants to scare people. Another thing that proves that I am suitable for writing is that I am afraid of standing for a long time. Every time I enter the mall and see the salesperson, I feel tired for them, and the job I do completely sitting is writing. Another reason is that after graduating from university, my classmates went to work one after another, and they were devoting themselves to the construction of socialism. There will be more) A few pissed garbage, I feel really guilty when I think about it.I have the same enthusiasm for work, and I am eager to devote myself to the work in full swing, to realize my own value and create wealth for the society (this statement is a bit false), but no one gave me this opportunity.In order not to waste my youth, I had no choice but to work for myself and stay at home to write novels. I comforted myself like this: everyone’s work is different in nature, and what I create for the society and working people is spiritual wealth.But besides myself, who else would love to read what I wrote? The more important question is how many people can see it. 12 By the way, let me talk about my writing state, my fingers are slowly typing Chinese characters on the keyboard under the mobilization of my brain, the CPU fan is buzzing in my ears, and my novel typescript is placed next to the computer. A soldier who doesn’t want to be a general is not a good soldier, and a writer who doesn’t desire to be published must have shit in his head. Fiction is not an art of self-admiration, and practice is the only criterion for testing truth. My novels have gone through several excellent publishing houses. Some excellent editor teachers (perhaps the word "master" is more appropriate), they think that what I write is not good enough, and they let me go to other places like sending away rags. Carrying two catties of manuscripts on my back, I left the publishing house in a daze, with gray eyes. If this scene was photographed and accompanied by the music played by a blind couple using the erhu at the exit of the subway, it would definitely make people cry and dispel a lot of people. The idea of ​​a person who aspires to a literary career. In this era, it is hard to say that I am a literary youth. It is like when Hua Mulan led the army to fight, she always had to find a corner where no one was around before she dared to squat down to pee. Now, these manuscripts are like a stick in my throat, which makes me feel uncomfortable. 13 There are more manuscripts piled up on the floor of the publishing house than the cabbage I saw in the vegetable market in winter, each one is thicker than the other, and each one is like city wall bricks, which shows the prosperity of literature today, but the published works can really let people know. There are still a few books that people remember, and perhaps the best manuscripts are in the pile on the ground, and will pile up forever, until the day when the publishing house moves, it will be cleaned up as waste paper. When I was rejected, I would ask the editor why it couldn't get out.The editor said that since you have not published a book, I cannot publish a book for you.I was a little dizzy when I heard that, and the editor said, to give a simple example, an author who has published a book is like a team that has won the World Cup. No matter what the actual level is now, next time you don’t need to participate in the preliminaries, you will directly enter the finals. Authors who have never published a book are like the Chinese team, only lingering outside the World Cup for a long time.As soon as I listened to it, I was delighted, because the Chinese team finally broke out of Asia and went to the world, so my work will always be published one day. 14 After writing some things, I wanted to read some books, to recharge myself, don’t wander around with a bottle full of half a bottle, helpless hands itching, the desire to write something overcomes all kinds of physical desires, stand out, I can’t help it Pick up the pen without hesitation and vent my enthusiasm for writing. When I write something, I feel happy, eat well, get carried away, self-righteous, complacent, dance, romp, and go crazy.If I can’t write, I just don’t think about food and drink, pin my feet and eat my hands, scratch my ears and cheeks, drop my mouse and keyboard, and hit my head on the screen... 15 My writing speed is not fast, which has something to do with the habit of watching cartoons while doing homework in elementary school.Now I often hang on the Internet, while writing the sentences in the novel, and at the same time find a girl who is poor on QQ, or when I write about the love between men and women, I look at pornographic nets to find my feelings.The direct consequence of this approach is that the electric meter in my house runs very fast, and the electric number is several times that of other houses. People who don't know it think that there are three refrigerators in my house. This day, as usual, I slept until I woke up naturally.Feng Xiaogang said in the book that he believes that the standard of a successful person is to be able to sleep until he wakes up naturally. It seems that I have succeeded. Although I will be lost after waking up, at least half of the success is achieved. After cleaning myself, I sat in front of the computer, and I got used to opening Word naturally, and at the same time I went to QQ.There are three bright profile pictures in the friend list, all of them are my classmates. While they create profits for the company, they don't delay the sea and the sky. One can imagine how comfortable they are at work. As soon as I logged in, I saw the avatars of the three of them flashing wildly. I checked the information, and they greeted me: "How are you doing?" , I've paid my salary." I didn't reply, so I quickly disappeared and started looking for the target. I only chat with young women, which is a common problem among male Internet users. However, I heard that recently there are a group of men on the Internet who only chat with men. They usually only ask one question: Can you let me in later.If the other party disagrees, find another target. If the other party agrees, then take the "big treasure" to find someone else. I found a girl named "The Leaf in the Teacup" on the Internet, and her profile said "Pigs are overwhelmed". When I saw it was interesting, I added it as a friend without hesitation, and I didn't need an identity. verify. My first sentence: You are the pig. She didn't reply me directly, but sent a text: first write your name on a piece of paper, then write the letter M on the first word, write E on the left, write W on the bottom, and write your name on the last word. Write W on the bottom, Q on the right, and finally use five straight lines to connect adjacent letters to frame your name, and see what surprises you find. When I was about to finish this test, the leaf in the teacup sent another message: Hehe. Damn, how can it be possible to be teased like this, let's see how I deal with this girl's film. I said: I threw an egg down from a 100-meter-high building, but the egg did not break after falling 100 meters. Why? Her: Throwing is spread eggs. Me: No, the eggs are raw. she does not know. Me: think about it. Her: Well... still don't know. let me think again. she:…… Me: Because people have heights, after the egg falls 100 meters, it will still be as high as "one person" from the ground, of course it will not break, idiot, haha! Her: Hate it! Me: Hitting is kissing and scolding is love, I just like girls saying that about me. Her: How do you know I'm a woman. Me: If you were a man you wouldn't ask me this question. She: If you want me to be a real man. Me: Then you are too boring. Her: You have a chat, let's talk. Me: What do you want to hear? Her: whatever. Me: I have low taste. She: How low can it be. Me: Just below the hips. She: Not low enough, no ass. Me: It seems that you are lower than me. Her: Did I say I was a good person? Me: I just like people like you. Actually, unlike some people who keep saying that they are out of vulgar tastes, don’t think that becoming a white-collar worker or writing shit articles means that they are out of vulgar tastes. Since they are alive, everyone is layman. If you really want to draw a line with low-level interests, just jump off the building and lie on the rails. She: I didn't expect you to be a cynical youth. 16 Is the word cynic in a positive or derogatory sense? Is it a good thing to be called a cynic? At least I don’t think so. When I was in school, there were some people around me who, in order to be angry youths, picked faults and fought when they had nothing to do.When I was in high school, there was a classmate in my class who went to and from school empty-handed every day, and never brought books home. We asked him if he didn’t read books at home, and he said what to read, so I didn’t study.We really thought he was courageous, and then one day he was ill, we went to visit and saw him lying on the sick bed fighting against the serious illness, and at the same time he did not forget to carry words on his head with a fever of 39 degrees. Books and various tutoring series - Ah, there are two sets of textbooks. Fenqing is a product of the times, different ages have different cynics.In the 1980s, Chinese university campuses were full of poets and singers, angry for ideals; now most of the campuses are masters of TOFEL, GRE, and computer games, who regret not being able to leave the country and domestic games are not fun. anger. It is undeniable that I am more angry in some aspects, and this anger has not diminished in the slightest because of the growth of age. Perhaps as time goes by, I will become angry at middle age, angry at old age, and finally die in anger. Everyone's anger cannot be understood by others, just like the poem I wrote on the bedside of the university dormitory: "Riddle" my anger only me I know You say you understand me, I say it's impossible Seriously I said ok, let me test you do your dad a favor your wife has a big belly idiot looking in the mirror what does it mean you look at me suspiciously i smile let me tell you They are fuck you Pretend to be your grandson look at that fuck the meaning of did you guess it you understand me Are you angry? 17 After walking away for a while, I suddenly remembered to put the girl aside. Me: What did you just say? Her: Your low taste. Me: It's not too much for the couple to say something intimate. She: I am not your wife. Me: Not one more than you. Her: But I think too much. Me: More is better than excess. She: Then you wait in line. Me: I strongly request to add Saner! Her: You must follow the rules of the game. Me: I don't think it's a game. Her: God! Me: What’s the surprise? I’ve never met someone as serious as me. She: I've never met someone so brazen as you. Me: Am I shameless? She: You should be teething, babies don't speak like you. Me: Don't interrupt, I mean it. Her: Chatting with you is really tiring. Me: Let me lend you a shoulder to rest on. She: It's a great honor, let's keep it for your daughter-in-law. Me: I don't have a wife. Her: No wife? Me: Did I tell you that I have a wife? Are you happy now? Her: What am I happy about. Me: You know it yourself, so just have fun secretly. She: You are so funny, treat yourself as a national treasure. Me: No, no, foreigners are not interested in me. She: I really thought I was an antique from the Old Summer Palace, and it was also a fake. Me: It’s fine if you can fool people. She: You are looking for the wrong person, I am an expert. Me: This is the first time someone calls me an expert in front of me. She: How dare you hit an egg against a rock! Me: It's better to be broken jade than to be whole. Does a mule or a horse dare to come out for a walk? She: I'm afraid of being frightened by you, can't I keep the little good impression you gave me for a little longer? Me: It will gradually deepen in the future. She: Don't drown me, now this girl is going home. Me: leave a call.Through IP, I saw that she was in Beijing. She: Ordinary people, I don't tell him. Me: Well, let me become your extraordinary person. She: What is an extraordinary person? Me: That's up to you. Her last one: 1360121XXXX. Immediately, her face turned black. 18 Although I got the phone call, I still feel a little regretful, thinking that I can develop further, even if I only tell her some dirty jokes, and lay the foundation first.In my logic, if the girl is willing to listen to you about this kind of stuff, half the battle is done. I'm not particularly proud in love, and I hope to gain something in the workplace, so I decided to submit a few resumes online to try my luck. After submitting my resume, I logged off the Internet and continued writing boring articles, not knowing what the point was. The question I am most afraid of being asked is why you write.Yes, why, I often ask myself.Are you free?Express your feelings?To vent your grievances?Stealing the world?Neither, and both, so I found that this is an unanswered question. 19 I write novels very slowly. Every day, I write as many as one or two thousand words, and as few as a few words. I often fish for three days and dry the net for six days. Leave the computer and do something else. I'll tell everyone about this, and that's fine too, slow work and careful work.But I am a rough person, how delicate can I be, writing can only bring me greasy, the original six-pack abdominal muscles are turning into layers of fat, and my physical strength is gradually declining. I am tired after climbing a few flights of stairs. It shows that I am getting old, and even my words are in the tone of memories. I feel that I am getting old both mentally and physically, just like when I was young.Is it true? I think of a passage in a poem I once wrote called: Youth Just holding a new belt look around for shoe stalls eyeball In a few years, I'll be holding a belt and looking for someone to drill holes in the opposite direction again.Seven or eight years ago, I took off my clothes like a washboard, but now, when I take off my clothes, I look like "Lux" soap from any angle, round and full. Youth is going away from me, gradually disappearing from my sight, I have passed the age of acne, and I will have boils in the near future, besides that, I don’t know what else will develop, prostate, diabetes, hemorrhoids will soon One after another, ten men and nine hemorrhoids, I know where I am the majority, and hemorrhoids are no exception. 20 As for why I, a person who studies science and engineering, majored in literature, this question can be viewed from two aspects. From a broad perspective, I think that life is colorful, and there is no fixed answer to what life is, that is to say, life is a multiple-choice question or essay question, which is different from calculation questions, and the answer is not only one.Therefore, in order to do a good job in this question of life, it is necessary for me to abandon theory and follow literature. 从小的方面说，我高中选择的是理科班，以当时的学习状况看，这是学习还算不错的学生的必然结果，因为文科班大多是脑子转不过弯的学生的选择，所以我就理所应当地进了理科班。但执意让我放弃理科基础的原因在于，我发现自己在语文上的天赋，或者说，发现自己在理科上面没有天赋。 文理班刚分完不久，学校换了语文老师，新老师是个毕业不久的大学生，身肥体硕，相貌平平，却有个美若天仙的女朋友。他在向我们讲述学好语文的重要性时说，语文是高考科目，自然必须学好，但更重要的一点是，学好语文，写得一手好文章，就可以直抒胸臆地给喜欢的女孩写情书，并拿出他女朋友的照片说，我就是靠着一天一封情书在众多体育生和纨绔子弟中脱颖而出的，说完还把女朋友的照片拿到下面给我们传看。当时以我为代表的多数男生决定奋发图强，为这个目标的早日实现开始了语文学习。而语文老师的这番话却使得女生们更不重视语文课，她们认为学好了也无用武之地，因为她们是收情书的，学好梳妆打扮、洗衣做饭就算完成任务。高考的最终结果是，我居然比文科班第一名的语文成绩还高，而物理却没有及格，亏我还是物理课代表。 twenty one 上述说明只是我若干年前对不知情者的解释，当时在所有人看来，我都应该选择文科班的，那么我为何一意孤行去了理科班呢，下面我来揭开尘封多年的谜底。 高一的时候，我喜欢上一个女孩，她叫潘娜，跟我同班。喜欢她的理由很简单，她有气质又漂亮，白衣飘飘，人见人爱，从入学的第一天起，她就让我心旌飘荡。也就是在这个时候，我第一次体会到何谓心动。这里，我道出的是众多男生的心声，那时候班里每个男生都对潘娜有非分之想。 喜欢归喜欢，但让我执意把潘娜泡到手的最根本原因却是，她作为班长秉公守法，每天都因为我没有及时交作业而将我的名字跃然黑板之上。其实我每天都交作业，只是没有按规定时间在七点半的早自习之前，因为我七点二十九到学校，抄完作业通常在早自习结束和第一节课之间这段时间里，作业多的时候，抄完了至少要在第一节课后。这就导致了潘娜无法在第一时间把全班作业放在老师的桌上，让老师一边吃油饼一边给我们判，而这样做的好处在于，避免了我们的作业被蹭得油脂麻花，还保证了作业本的厚度，免得老师信手撕下一张纸擦手。 私下里我给潘娜塞过派克钢笔，还把我的《七龙珠》给她看，均被拒之门外，而她依旧正义凛然，每日乐此不疲地把我的名字抄在黑板上，后来索性不再擦掉，让我的名字长年累月一动不动地呆在那里。 那时经常出现在同学们面前的除了我的名字，还有鲁迅、郭沫若、祖冲之、张衡、罗曼·罗兰、培根、邱少云、罗盛教等人的肖像被挂在黑板上方，但这些烈士名人每学期都会更换，唯独我的名字，岿然不动，像刻上去的一样，入木三分，遒劲有力。 黑板本来面积就不大，我的名字还天长地久地占去一方土地，使得板书多的老师擦黑板更加频繁，但无论擦得多干净，我的名字总是保留在那里，好像黑板上本就该有这两个字似的，商标一样。 开始老师还经常为此批评我，说你怎么总不交作业呀，你瞧黑板上又有你的名字。后来老师看习惯了，便熟视无睹，直到有一天我按时交上作业，名字被从黑板上擦掉了，老师上课的时候瞪着黑板发了几秒钟呆，说，今天黑板看着怎么这么别扭呀，总觉得少了点儿什么。 我无时无刻不希望自己的名字早日消失，但我想的不是如何按时完成作业，却是看着潘娜的身影心想：小样儿的，等着瞧，看我怎么泡你！ twenty two 似乎所有的女班长都是漂亮的，或者说，漂亮女生总被选为班长，但聪明和漂亮是不成正比的，所以漂亮女生的成绩不一定像她们的相貌那般出众，尽管作为班长。 到了高中，女生学习不好很正常，尤其在数理化方面，又特别是漂亮女生，所以，高一结束后，以潘娜为首的一批女生，陷入了纷乱的物理世界，剪不断，理还乱，愁是一番滋味在心头。别人我管不过来，但潘娜我还是要帮助的，确切说，我是要对自己负责，名字总出现在黑板上也不是个事儿。 分文理班的时候，我以为潘娜会去文科班，而我上理科班，这样的话，我的问题就解决了，顶多会因为没能和美女继续在一个教室里上课而在夜深人静的时候略感失落，但潘娜却毅然选择理科班，依然做班长。 物理不好不意味着就不能当班长，爱因斯坦和牛顿倒是物理好，可他们就没当过班长。老师选人是有标准的，班长要镇得住大家。潘娜的容貌就足以镇住这个班，不仅如此，全校她都镇得住。 而我的目标是把潘娜镇住先。 twenty three 高二有物理会考，对此潘娜如临大敌，除了反复回味笔记，认真完成作业，还订阅了《中学生物理报》、《物理5000题新解》等刊物，像个“物理青年”一样，我一看，机会来了。 同时我也玩了命地学物理，可能是把准哪儿根脉了，成绩突飞猛进，还当上物理课代表。不久后，我开始辅导潘娜，有了和她单独相处的机会。 潘娜是班长，有教室的钥匙，我们可以最晚一个回家。她说我们先一起做物理作业，然后再写其他作业，你辅导我物理，我督促你完成作业，两全其美，好不好。当然好，没有比这更好的了，我说。 班里男生羡慕得要命。 twenty four 时间久了，我和潘娜在一起就不光只讨论物理，她问我，你也不笨，干嘛不写作业。我说，如果一个人已经对一篇文章倒背如流，却还要他抄写这篇文章，有什么意义。然后我问她为什么不去文科班，她说，让记性不好的人去背文章，和让瘸子跑步有什么区别。 潘娜的记性似乎真的不好，每天写完物理作业，天已经黑了，我们便迫不及待地收拾书包回家（确切说是她，我因为怕被她锁在教室里，所以不得不离开），我是否真的写完所有作业，她不闻不问，而次日当我的名字依旧出现在黑板上的时候，好像和她没有一点儿关系。潘娜忘了我们的约定，真够快的，什么记性。 有时候我会送潘娜回家，尽管她经常说不用了，你也不顺路，但我还是坚持送她到家，因为我的最终目的不是帮她提高物理成绩，而是让她帮我擦掉名字，她这么做的前提条件是和我站在同一立场上，也就是说，我们先要成为一家人，但过程还要慢慢来。 直到那一天，我送潘娜回家，看着她上了楼，我才骑车离开，还没出她家那片小区，就听潘娜在后面叫我。 我问她怎么又下来了。她说她爸在家。我没说什么，觉得好笑。她说他爸和一个女的在家。我更觉得好笑，我说我家也有我爸和一个女的，那个女的就是我妈。她说，可是这个女的不是我妈，你能陪我会儿吗。 事情不再可笑。 25 潘娜说她妈妈死得早，她两岁刚断奶的时候母亲就没了，卵巢癌。她出生的时候妈妈就被查出有这个病，已经中期了，经过两年的抗争，病魔还是无情吞噬了妈妈的生命，但似乎已经手下留了情，直到她妈妈尽完了哺养她的义务，她长出一排洁白坚硬能吃饼干的小牙后，才把她妈妈带走的。 妈妈走后，爸爸把她拉扯大，直到她明白一些事情的时候才发现，没了妻子的爸爸，这几年身边并不缺少女人，今天又领回一个不比她大几岁的女孩，还让她管她叫阿姨，她没叫，就跑了出来。 我问潘娜那你现在去哪儿。她说随便走走吧，反正不愿意看到她爸和别的女人在一起。我问如果今晚那个女的不走呢。她说她爸在这点上做得还行，从不留女人在家过夜，哪怕自己出去。 不知不觉我和潘娜溜达到复兴门，我们站在桥上看着下面如水的车流和不远处灯火阑珊的百盛还有过往的情侣，十七岁的我情不自禁感叹道：夜色真美呀，美得想让人谈恋爱！ 然后我看着看着我的潘娜，忘乎所以地亲了她的嘴。 她没有躲避，也没有迎合，我们似是而非地接了吻。我是第一次，不知道该怎么做，只好学着电视剧里的样子，嘴巴张得老大。 良久，潘娜说，这是我的初吻。 我没说我也是，只是稀里糊涂地冒出一句：哦，是吗。 那时我认为，男生要表现得老练才招女生喜欢。 潘娜说我们是男女朋友了吗。我说当然是了。那时的我们都很纯洁，既然接了吻，不要说男女朋友，夫妻都做得。 后来快八点的时候，潘娜说她要回去了，估摸那个女的已经走了，于是我给潘娜送回家。她在楼下看见窗口没有亮灯，说了一句：我爸也走了，然后就和我告别上了楼，是吻别。 我一人骑车回到家，爸妈早已吃过晚饭，问我怎么这么晚才回来，我说晚自习，以后每天都有，周六周日可能还补课呢。爸妈说，现在学校对学生真负责，高二就开晚自习了。我说那是，竞争这么激烈，不多学点儿哪行呀，不像你们那会儿了，上学就是穿军装戴红箍走街串巷高喊谁谁谁万岁，要么就坐着火车大串联，票也不买，给铁路部门带来多么惨重的损失。 晚上躺在床上我想，终于泡到潘娜了，然后微笑着睡去。第二天我的名字也理所应当地在黑板上消失了，而我的作业才只抄了一半，都七点五十了。 我要物理早这么好，也没这么多事儿了。 这时我才意识的，我上的也是理科班，而我的选择并非出于热爱。更让我才纳过闷儿来的是，如果只为了逃避潘娜的铁面无私，那么她上理科班我完全可以去文科班呀！ 不过终归是找了个女朋友，美女，还是班长，我可以不必非要在七点半前抄完作业了，甚至可以让潘娜替我抄，因为当时班里有女生替男朋友刷饭盒的先例。一举多得，当时我对事态的如此发展没有后悔过。 26 少年时代的多数感情会有始无终，我和潘娜也不例外，高中毕业后，我上了大学，潘娜落榜，至今下落不明。 说下落不明，是因为潘娜没再和任何同学联系过，打电话也总是无人接听，她家的防盗门被我敲得满目疮痕，但就是没有打开过。对门邻居说，这家人已经好久不回来住了。 没想到的是，不久后，潘娜意外出现在我的生活中。 27 尽管拥有几年理工科背景，但我做事情还是一片混乱，缺乏逻辑，或许这也是造成我无法在理工领域继续镀金的结果。我的思想更是一团乱麻，如同我的生活，昼夜不分、醉生梦死、丢三落四、顾此失彼，居然将王朔的小说紧挨高等数学放在书柜的一侧——高等数学是我毕业时唯一没有卖掉的书，我认为经常看看数学书对预防老年痴呆大有好处。 我的大学同学在这方面就非常值得我学习，概念清晰，条理分明。有人已为自己漫长的一生做好规划：二十六岁买房，二十八岁买车，二十九岁结婚，三十岁或生儿或育女，然后开始一个孩子、一个老婆、情人若干的幸福生活，若条件允许，再雇个仆人，最好是黑皮肤的那种。而且将这些计划也好理想也好，落实在纸上，一目了然，随身携带，不时掏出来朗诵，激励自己奋发图强，青春无悔。 他们说，有些事情别拖着，赶早完成，譬如说控告强奸，必须在被奸后的三天内，否则就口说无凭，只能等下回被操的时候再说了。