Chapter 19 third quarter

After breaking up with Zou Fei, Tong Yue tried hard to let herself focus on her studies, and let herself slowly adapt to the life without Zou Fei.The nights and winters in foreign countries are colder and longer than those in China. There are Chinese classmates around me who have romances in foreign countries, and some even have lovers here behind the back of their domestic lovers. There are also people who pursue Tong Yue, but Tong Yue is not completely Before putting Zou Fei down, she felt that she didn't need a new relationship, which would only make her more and more chaotic, so she turned away all suitors.

Every weekend, Tong Yue travels to other European countries by train alone. She went to the Eiffel Tower, Venice Water City, and the former site of the Berlin Wall. She took pictures, painted there, walked there, and left whenever she wanted , Stop as you want, and experience the fun of being alone.Traveling in various European countries made Tong Yue's life not lonely. In 2005, Tong Yue finished her studies. At this time, those students who had new relationships in the UK were faced with the embarrassment of breaking up or not knowing how to face their old lovers when they returned home. Tong Yue was very relieved that she did not fall into such entanglements.

Tong Yue's tutor in the UK was hired by a construction company to set up a design department in charge of him. He needed some manpower. He recommended several of his students, and Tong Yue was one of them. Tong Yue chose to stay in the UK. First, she could avoid the trouble of finding a new job when she returned to China. Second, her mother retired this year. During Tong Yue's absence in China for three years, her mother met an old medical professor. The two have reached the point where they are talking about marriage. The old professor and a medical school in the UK are conducting research and development of a life technology. They plan to settle in the UK and will take Tong Yue's mother with them.As a result, it was inevitable for Tong Yue to stay. She returned to China and sold the old house with her mother, bought a new one as a place for the mother and daughter to return to China, and then went to England with the whole family.Tong Yue didn't interfere with her mother's feelings, she thought it was her mother's choice, just like she didn't want her mother to interfere when she made her own choice.

The only place in the country that still involved Tong Yue's energy was Zou Fei's.In the past three years, Tong Yue has adapted to life without Zou Fei, but she still thinks of him. Regarding Zou Fei's current situation, Tong Yue wants to know, but doesn't want to know, is eager to know, but dare not know.She knew that she hadn't completely let Zou Fei go.At such times, people tend to give up their choice and follow the trend. Staying in the UK is precisely the way to go straight forward without making a decision about where to turn. But Tong Yue always felt that she and Zou Fei hadn't ended completely. The two of them were different from ordinary breakups, and they didn't separate because they didn't like each other anymore or because there was a third party.They separated temporarily precisely because they were thinking about each other. At that time, this was Tong Yue's only choice to keep her heart at ease. This kind of thinking is the basis for the relationship to still exist, and it is also the reason why Tong Yue didn't find a boyfriend again when she was studying in England. .

Said it was a temporary separation, but I didn't expect three years to pass unknowingly.Now Tong Yue doesn't know how to face Zou Fei, the original intimacy has long since become unfamiliar, the point is, she doesn't know if Zou Fei has started his new life.When they separated three years ago, Tong Yue knew that Zou Fei would not let himself be idle, he would not find the meaning of life when he was idle, and he was a constraint to him, so they separated.Even though Zou Fei didn't want to break up at that time, in the process of searching for the meaning of life in the future, maybe there will be another girl in his life who will accompany him in the search.This kind of thing can happen every day, not to mention that in the past three years, this kind of thing may happen more than a thousand times.

Therefore, after graduation, Tong Yue also gave up trying to get news from Zou Fei, and she also avoided using the email address that Zou Fei applied for him back then.Fortunately, there are still mothers, paintings, and travel in life, so Tong Yue doesn't feel that there are any shortcomings in life. In the past two years of working in the UK, because the nature of the new life is completely different from the past, Tong Yue finally let go of the past life completely, and can face all this with ease.At this time, she can calmly log in to the email address in the past, but the website no longer exists.Tong Yue thinks it's better this way, everything will follow the fate.

When she arrived in England, Tong Yue's mother gradually couldn't bear to live with the old professor.If it's just chatting and eating, the two of them feel pretty good, but they live together, and when it comes to daily household chores, the old professor will leave them alone and let Tong Yue's mother take care of them.When Tong Yue's mother failed to do well, not only would she not get encouragement from the old professor, but she would also be scolded.Tong Yue's mother thought: Why should I!For her daughter, she is willing to be a housewife, but for an old man who has been divorced twice, has two children, and is ten years older than herself, and as she lives together longer and longer, she gradually develops a good impression of him. Nothing, giving up herself to serve him, she couldn't do it.Tong Yue's mother had the idea of ​​returning to China.

At this time, the economic crisis broke out in 2008, and a large number of British people lost their jobs. Tong Yue's company also began to lay off employees. Tong Yue took the opportunity to return to China with her mother. Back in Beijing, the mother and daughter lived under the same roof. Tong Yue found a job in a construction company. The mother didn't have to worry about other things. Seeing her daughter alone every day, her heart couldn't rest anymore. She wanted Tong Yue to find a partner quickly. . "You are old and young, it's time to think about your own affairs." Mom became worried.

"I'm fine like this." This is Tong Yue's innermost thoughts. "I don't want you to spend your whole life alone like me," said Mom. "I didn't say anything and just lived alone. I didn't meet the right one." Tong Yue said. "You didn't go out to have a touch, no matter what is appropriate, you still can't let go of Zou Fei, right?" The mother knew her daughter well. "I think you didn't let go." Tong Yue said, "You insisted on mentioning him." "Anyway, the relationship between you and him has a lot of influence on you. You didn't listen to me at the beginning!" Mom sighed, "If I knew you two were like this, would you still be in love with him at that time?"

"We were sincerely interested in dating at that time, so we didn't think about it so much." "Now you are still single because you think too much. From tomorrow onwards, I will arrange a blind date for you. If you meet the right one, if you can pass my test, get married quickly!" So, under the guidance of her mother, Tong Yue started a blind date activity. Through her various relationships, her mother introduced a large number of single men of the right age to Tong Yue. After half a year, Tong Yue said to her mother, "This is a matter of queuing, don't date anyone."

It was in this situation that Tong Yue met Feng Aiai.Among Tong Yue's colleagues, there are Buddhists, and they often share the benefits of learning Buddhism together. Tong Yue was attracted by what they said, so she followed them to a lecture.The person who gave that lecture was precisely Feng Aiai.What Feng Aiai said gave Tong Yue a new understanding of the world, which benefited him a lot. The problems that he had struggled with for a long time suddenly became clear.So after the lecture, Tong Yue found Feng Aiai for a single chat, and opened her heart to her. The two talked about relationship issues, and Tong Yue said: "I don't like men who pursue a rich external life but pale inside; I don't like men who are no longer young and still like to play tricks; I like men who are much older than me; I don't like men who are younger than me; I don't like men who can't tell whether they are male or female from the back." Feng Aiai asked Tong Yue: "Then do you still like Zou Fei?" Tong Yue thought for a while and said, "I don't know." Feng Aiai said: "That means you still like it, because you have been saying that you don't like it just now, but you won't say it when you come to him." Tong Yue asked, "Do you have any news about him?" Feng Aiai said: "No, but you can have it if you want." Tong Yue didn't speak. Feng Aiai said: "For so many years, you have been alone, are you waiting for him?" "No, since there is no one I like, why should I wrong myself and choose someone I don't like, whether it's a person or a thing." Tong Yue said, "Maybe some people think that I am wronging myself by doing this. All I can say is that everyone has their own ambitions.” Feng Aiai asked: "Then what do you think of the relationship between the two of you before?" Tong Yue quoted what she read in the book: "Buddha said, do happy things with lovers, don't ask whether it is fate or calamity." Feng Aiai said: "Let me try, can you two still get together?" "Then what did Tong Yue say?" Zou Fei asked after hearing Feng Aiai's words. "Tong Yue said that the torrent of life will also smooth out all the edges and corners, and wash away the stones. But you are half in the water and half outside, not integrated into life. Natural edges and corners are still there, and will continue to go on. Others The effort you have made is to try to keep the edges and corners worn down by life as slowly as possible, and your effort is to try to keep the part of the edge outside from submerging in the water. Therefore, she is a little afraid of falling in love with you. " "Let her not be afraid. After listening to what you said just now, let's not talk about it, at least it has provided me with a new way of thinking about life. I used to think that it is better to have edges and corners than smooth, and to be a person must have a personal appearance. Now I Knowing that it doesn’t matter if it’s good or not, I’m always thinking about what’s good, but it’s not good in itself, and I’m tired.” "If you can think of it this way, the possibility of the two of you getting together again is even greater." Feng Aiai said. "The difficulty lies in not being able to take this first step." Zou Fei said. "As I said, everything is born of fate and harmony, and the same is true for whether two people can be together." Feng Aiai said. "If you don't make a match, we won't have a marriage." Zou Fei needed Feng Aiai to make a match. Feng Aiai smiled without saying a word, and picked up the tea again. The two chatted for a while, Feng Aiai had to eat with everyone at noon, and couldn't eat alone with Zou Fei, so the two said goodbye.Feng Aiai sent Zou Fei the door, and Zou Fei waved to her, watching this woman who once pursued love and belief but only got depression, and finally got relief in Buddhism disappeared through the door, and then went to the beach by herself. The seawater in Hainan is much clearer than the seawater in the north, and you can still see the bottom in the deep water. The sand is soft. Zou Fei took off his shoes, stepped on it, and walked along the coastline.From time to time, people who sell corals and shells, kites, and yacht solicitors come to ask, but Zou Fei refuses them all. He wants to walk alone for a while. He walked along the beach, leaving the hustle and bustle behind him, walked to a place where no one was there, and stood facing the sea, only the sound of waves and seagulls remained around him. He suddenly wanted to listen to songs, took out his MP3, and chose to play randomly , put on the headphones. There are old songs in the MP3, Zou Fei heard a song that he often listened to when he was in college, and remembered the time when he borrowed a car with Tong Yue, Luo Xi, Lao Xie and others to go to the beach. I will always feel good when I recall the days, because those are the shining days, the days without distracting thoughts, the days when I gave my heart, and the days when I spent my heart and soul. The time has passed, and now everyone has their own lives, and they are getting farther and farther away from those days before, and they can never go back.Those things in youth are beautiful, but they cannot be held on forever, as long as they have been owned, there will be no regrets. Zou Fei thought of Wei Wei again.During the days when Wei Wei just left, Zou Fei would fall into missing him every day and feel that the nature of life had changed, but it was less than two years since he left, and Zou Fei had already adapted to life without him. Fast, beyond Zou Fei's own imagination.It seems that time is really the best medicine to repair the cracks and heal the pain of the soul. It can smooth everything out, and the torrent of life will really wash away all obstacles. At this time, Xu Wei's "Youth" sounded in Zou Fei's ears: How many years have passed in the world? where are you now what kind of story what kind of happiness, pain I can still feel today the breeze of spring Skimmed the city, skimmed the village across our young breasts I still see those boys Standing on the playground of the new semester in September Looking up at the sky with clear eyes Thinking about the infinite future... Hearing this song, memories of the past came to mind, and Zou Fei wanted to cry. On October 31, 2009, Guoan won the championship, but Wei Wei did not see it. Zou Fei thought of Wei Wei that day, and Duoduo must have been there, occupying an empty seat with a bag next to him, with a telescope and a loudspeaker on the seat.At this time, Zou Fei could not adapt to life without Wei Wei.Wei Wei is a friend in his heart. When Wei Wei was alive, although the two of them were not together every day, the presence of each other made him feel not alone. Now that Wei Wei is gone, there is an empty space in his heart, like someone whose leg was sawed off table. In October 2010, Rossi was sent by a Canadian company to Chengdu on a business trip to catch up with Chengdu Sheffield United's last home game in the Chinese Premier League, which was also the retirement match between Yao Xia and Zou Yougen.As a Beijing fan, although I don’t have deep feelings for non-Beijing players, Yao Xia and Zou Yougen represent an era. In that era, Chinese football used to have a poetic flavor. You can see flashes of inspiration and romantic moments on the court. Yao Xia and Zou Yougen may be the last players of that era who are still fighting on the court. Rossi buys I bought a scalper ticket, went in and looked at it, and it was time to participate in the retirement ceremony of my youth. Once upon a time, Rossi would show Lin Meng his muscles every day, but now he often rubs his fat belly and asks Lin Meng: "If you had foreseen that my belly is so big now, would you still be with me?" Rossi said that since those players—Hao Haidong, Gao Feng, Cao Xiandong, Peng Weiguo, Li Bing, Ma Mingyu, Wei Qun and others—retired, the poetry of Chinese football has also retired. In addition to bringing sadness to the fans, there are also surprises Surprise, the current Chinese football is boring, even if it wins, it will not be exciting, and the kicks will be so embarrassing. Also without poetry, there is the present life.In addition to showing the status quo that people can live a good life only by earning money, it is also a possibility in life that they cannot encounter anything that can make people happy or pursue a little vanity.Zou Fei always feels that people should have some hobbies that have nothing to do with life in life, don't be like flies that only know to go after fishy smells, jumping into mundane things such as survival goals, society and interpersonal relationships, and then stop coming out. In the late autumn of 2009, after fighting the disease for fifteen years, Lao Xie passed away.It took him 15 years to finish college and get his graduation certificate, which was published in the school newspaper and used to inspire the enthusiasm of the students for learning. Before Lao Xie left, all the courses had been credited, and he was only short of the graduation project, but he had no energy at all, and he only handed in one topic for the graduation project. The school held a meeting to discuss his affairs. Should he be sent a graduation project? certificate. Some teachers objected: "Is it going to have a bad influence to issue graduation certificates to those who have not completed the graduation project?" The teacher who knew the situation said: "No, he won't take his graduation certificate to the society and use it as a fake. The hospital has already issued a notice." So, in the summer of 2009, Lao Xie got his graduation certificate, which he spent fifteen years in exchange for, and lay on the hospital bed to take a group photo with the department leaders who came to issue the graduation certificate.At this time, Lao Xie had lost all his hair. Four months later, Lao Xie left everyone.His last words are: "Life is like a dream, my dream wakes up early, you continue to do it, remember, you have to wake up sooner or later, so try to make this dream happy!" Among Lao Xie's relics, there is an electric stove, the plug is worn out, wrapped in a layer of black tape, and the hot pot is engraved with the names of Lao Xie's four previous classmates. On the day the body bid farewell, Fan Wenqiang borrowed money to buy a pair of walnuts and put them next to Lao Xie's pillow. He held Lao Xie's hand and said, "I was not sensible at that time, and no one will smash your walnuts and eat them again. Wait for it, wait for me." Then wept bitterly, crying like a child who can't go home. The eulogy everyone wrote to Lao Xie was: "You will always live when you are young. Although you were older than us before, you will be the youngest of us in the future." For Lao Xie's departure, both envy and sad. At this moment, Zou Fei was lying on the beach, closing his eyes, letting the past of youth flash before his eyes one by one, and the night when Wei Wei fell into the sea, the conversation with him at the beach appeared in his mind, combined with what Feng Aiai said just now With those words, Zou Fei seemed to feel that the road in front of him gradually became clearer.The meeting with Feng Aiai this time really made him feel the warmth of spring. Zou Fei received another assignment to go to Qinghai to shoot. In July, there will be a bicycle road race around Qinghai Lake. The magazine will use this as the title to make a travel issue about Qinghai. It is necessary to prepare manuscripts and photos in advance. go.Zou Fei hurried back to Beijing, took his camera and flew straight to Xining. It took ten days for Zou Fei to take pictures of Qinghai-related humanities and tourism places, and he played around for a while, then returned to Beijing, organized the photos overnight and sent them to the magazine.Everything is settled, it is already the morning of May 2nd. Zou Fei turned off his mobile phone, he wanted to have a good sleep, and he didn't want to be disturbed by anything while sleeping.He has always believed that the invention of mobile phones is not a good thing.On the one hand, it becomes easier to find someone, which reduces the sense of joy and gain in finding someone, and the relationship between people becomes simple and no longer solemn.On the other hand, it becomes easier to be found by others.He was very angry about this: Why do you have to let you find me when you are looking for me, don’t care what I am doing—even if I am doing nothing but just sitting around, thinking about my own affairs, going to the bathroom, sleeping—as long as I have a mobile phone As soon as it rings, I have to put down my business and pick up the phone?Even if the caller is sending him money, or can bring him a lot of benefits, he is not willing to be like a follower, who has to be there whenever he is called.Therefore, he often turns off the phone, and sometimes even if he turns it on, he doesn't carry it with him. Zou Fei also resolutely does not use Apple mobile phones to resist modern society.When others are talking about how good and convenient the iPhone is, Zou Fei just doesn't use it, and it turns out that he doesn't feel any inconvenience because he doesn't use it.He is unwilling to let his life change with the modernization of society. In other words, the life he wants to live has nothing to do with modernization.He used to play whatever was popular, but now he only plays what he wants to play, regardless of whether it is popular or outdated. After sleeping at home for a day, when I woke up, it was already dark, I turned on the phone, and saw a text message from Rossi.He was sent by the company to Beijing on a business trip and asked Zou Fei to have dinner with him at night.Zou Fei called Rossi back. Rossi was so hungry just now that he couldn't contact Zou Fei, so he ate by himself. He was at his cousin's bar and asked Zou Fei to come over for a while. Zou Fei hung up the phone, ate something, and then went to find Rossi. Now Rossi no longer has the slender and athletic figure of the past, replaced by a fat figure with a double chin.He is now a Canadian. Every time he goes back to Beijing, he feels a sense of loss when he eats stewed food and hears the local accent. He still doesn't understand why Lin Meng wants to change their nationality to Canada. Rossi and Lin Meng have been married for five years, and their relationship is stable. I don't know if they are really in love or just make do, but they are living a good life anyway.Since I can live a good life, it should be true love, or maybe this is just the beginning, a relatively long life of five years is also short, and there are still many decades to come, which are all unknown.Life is not a coin in your hand. No one can guess the result of life except if it is head or tail. After eleven o'clock, Rossi's cell phone started ringing non-stop, and it was all from Lin Meng. This time she also came back with Rossi, and asked Rossi to go back to sleep quickly.Rosie said on the phone, got it, hung up, and ordered another half-dozen for his cousin. Rossi's cousin was also drinking with him. He dropped out of school in his junior year last year and studied philosophy. He said that teachers always like to instill personal thoughts in students. He didn't want others to operate on his brain. They It is not necessary to understand the illness. If his brain is really sick, he must rely on self-healing to recover.After dropping out of school, he asked his family for a sum of money. He originally wanted to open a toy store, but at the instigation of his friends, he partnered to open this bar in the alley.Because my cousin is still looking at the face of the leader to do things, and he is already self-sufficient and does not need to be inferior to others, so he is high-spirited and has his own but biased understanding of society and life.He has a smell that Zou Fei is familiar with but knows that he needs to improve. Today is the last day of the May Day holiday, there was no one in the bar, so my cousin was drinking and chatting with Rossi and Zou Fei. A Mongolian singer was singing on the stage, and my cousin translated the lyrics: "The sheep on the grassland are gone. Is it the wolf's fault?" "no." "Whose fault is that?" "It's not my fault either." "Is it my fault?" "No." "Whose fault is that?" "Anyway, someone must be wrong, don't say anything, just drink." The three of them picked up the bottle to blow, when Rossi's cell phone rang again, he glanced at it, but didn't answer it. "Give it to me, I told my sister-in-law, let her go to bed first." My cousin said. "I know her. If I don't go back, she won't be able to sleep first, and she may pounce on me in a while." Rossi said. "Then let her come over and test her capacity for alcohol," said the cousin. "You are doing this not to test her drinking capacity, but to test her courage. She is very courageous." Rossi stood up and said, "I don't want to talk to her, old lady, and I don't know her as well. I'm going back, you two Drink slowly." In front of Lin Meng, no matter how much Rossi struggled, Sun Wukong couldn't find the palm of the Tathagata Buddha.Zou Fei also wanted to go back here, but his cousin kept calling Zou Fei brother, saying, "Brother, stay here and have a drink." . Zou Fei sent Rossi to the door of the bar, the two embraced, cherished each other, comforted that the world would be better, made an appointment to reunite for the school celebration, and then broke up, watching Rossi staggeringly disappear into the alley in the night. Zou Fei and his cousin returned to the bar. There was only one table of guests left in the audience. The singer was still singing for them on the stage. The chasing light shone on him. He closed his eyes, and his facial expressions changed with the mood of the song. , After every song is sung, everyone at the table can get applause.At this moment, it can be seen that the singer is satisfied and gratified.As long as there is one person in this world who appreciates you or communicates with you, you will feel that the world is beautiful.However, who knows whether the buddies at the table really like his songs, or are they booing after drinking too much? My cousin also drank too much, and the symptom was that he started to hold Zou Fei's hand when he spoke.Zou Fei knew that his cousin's sexual orientation was normal, so he grabbed his hand and talked purely to emphasize the importance of what he said. My cousin said that the current world is an upside-down world. People do things without principles and do not pay attention to the inner and eternal things. Losing the meaning of being human more and more, it is better not to live. A few years ago, Zou Fei had the same understanding of the world, but now he has a better understanding, so he corrected his cousin: "Society is like this. Although you can't get used to it, you can't commit suicide because of it." After saying this, Zou Fei thought of Wei Wei. Wei Wei was his friend. He didn't mean to deny Wei Wei at all, but felt sorry for Wei Wei and respected Wei Wei's choice.If life is really fucked up, Zou Fei is willing to fight in a positive way instead of destroying himself. "Then what do you say? Compromise? Compromise with fake, evil and ugly?" "Life is life, and it has nothing to do with whether to compromise or not. Don't worry about whether you have to compromise or not. Do what you want. The society may not do anything to you. Don't always think about whether you are compromising. Yeah, I take myself too seriously, it's a big deal." "Anyway, 2012 is coming soon, and then you will be a fool!" the cousin said harshly.Although "2012" is just a movie, it doesn't make much sense, but as this time gets closer and more and more people talk about it, it also shows that human beings lack confidence in the current life, have worries and fears, and realize that While the modern life in front of us brings convenience to mankind, it also leaves huge hidden dangers that will explode sooner or later. "What do you think the relationship between people and life should be?" My cousin asked again, "Should I integrate into life and change myself, or should I change my life according to myself?" "This question itself varies from person to person. There is no standard answer, and there is no need for a standard answer." Zou Fei said, "If you must know the answer to life, then time will tell you, as long as you wait for it." Later, the two chatted about something. Zou Fei can't remember it. He only remembers that he was holding back a lot of urine, but his hands were held by others. Even tighter, even when pouring wine did not forget to continue to hold hands. Before I knew it, the sky outside the window was bright.Night, like youth, is thought to be very long and has to be tossed. After a joy, the day is over without knowing it. Zou Fei was sleepy and hungry, his cousin made two sandwiches, and after eating, they said goodbye, Zou Fei wanted to fall asleep quickly before dawn. Zou Fei walked out of the alley and took a taxi.As soon as I got in the car, the driver asked, "Is the May Day holiday over, should I go to work again today?" "Yes." Zou Fei replied. "Are you ready to go to work?" "Just finished eating, go home and sleep." "Did you just finish supper or breakfast?" "All count." "Then you are not working?" "I don't work." "Why don't you go to work?" Zou Fei didn't know how to answer this question, and happened to be sleepy too, so he closed his eyes, leaned back in his seat, and fell asleep. After getting home and taking a nap, it was already afternoon when he woke up, Zou Fei felt uncomfortable all over.I used to drink too much when I was in school, and I felt uncomfortable. At that time, I also felt uncomfortable psychologically, but the physical discomfort was not as obvious as the psychological discomfort.Now that I drink too much, I no longer suffer from mental discomfort, leaving only physical discomfort.