Chapter 18 second quarter

Zou Fei has never heard from Tong Yue, and has lost contact with Tong Yue's classmate Wu Ping and others.Zou Fei's mobile phone has not changed. If Tong Yue wants to find him, it is easy, but Tong Yue has not contacted him in the past few years. He knows that it is because Tong Yue does not want to contact him. Maybe Tong Yue has married a wife, so it is inconvenient. contact him. Zou Fei still remembers Tong Yue's mailbox, which was applied for by him when he repaired Tong Yue's computer more than ten years ago. He tried to send two letters to Tong Yue's mailbox, but there was no reply. using this email.

After thinking about it for a long time, Zou Fei went to Tong Yue's house again. If it was Tong Yue's mother or her who opened the door, Zou Fei had already thought of a countermeasure, so he said he happened to be passing by and came up to have a look, and had no other intentions.Unexpectedly, it was a little boy who opened the door, and asked Zou Fei who he was looking for through the security door.The child was about five years old, Zou Fei thought about the time, there was a possibility that it was Tong Yue's child, his head went "buzzing". "Are you alone at home?" Zou Fei asked.

"My mother won't let me tell others that I'm alone at home." The child looked at Zou Fei warily. "Where's your mother?" Zou Fei asked. "My mother went out to sell pancakes." The child spoke Tangshan dialect. Zou Fei was relieved, knowing that this child had nothing to do with Tong Yue, it was impossible for Tong Yue to go to graduate school in England to make pancakes for returning home: "When did your family move here?" "I moved here when I was a kid." "What about this family before?" "Do you know, you have to ask my mother."

"Where does your mother sell pancakes?" "on the street." "Which street?" The child told Zou Fei where his mother made the pancakes. Zou Fei found the woman who made the pancakes and asked about the family before, whether there was a mother and daughter. Rented by an intermediary.Zou Fei went to the agency again, and the agency said that they got the house from a man from out of town, and it seemed that he bought a second-hand house.Zou Fei called another man from out of town. The man from out of town said that the house was bought from a mother and daughter for several years, and they changed their phones halfway through.Zou Fei asked if he knew where the mother and daughter had moved. The man from out of town said that they seemed to have bought a new house and were in a hurry to spend money, so they sold it to me at a cheaper price than the market price, but they didn't tell me where the new house was.

At this time, the magazine happened to be making a special issue of British tourism, and planned to send Zou Fei to the UK.So Zou Fei came up with the idea of ​​going to the school where Tong Yue used to go to to inquire about her after arriving there.When a person wants to accomplish something, he will have unbelievable imagination and perseverance. When he arrived in the UK, after finishing his work, Zou Fei went to Tong Yue's school, explained his intentions, and asked Tong Yue what company he went to in the UK after graduation, and if the school could tell him Tong Yue's contact information at the school .After learning about the situation, the British said politely: "I'm sorry, this is private information, and it is not convenient for us to disclose it. Unless you are a policeman, we can cooperate."

No matter how soft Zou Fei was, he still didn't convince the other party.Although the British did not satisfy Zou Fei's wishes, their actions still made Zou Fei agree.Unlike some Chinese real estate companies, in order to make money, they sell the phone numbers of the owners of the entire community to housing agencies. This trip to the UK did not yield anything, which made Zou Fei feel that maybe it was really over for him and Tong Yue.However, the appearance of Feng Aiai brought dawn to Zou Fei. In the winter of 2010, Blizzard let Zou Fei meet Feng Aiai at the airport.The person reading a book in the noodle shop, dressed in neutral clothes, wrapped in a headscarf, and left a note for Zou Fei is Feng Aiai.After that, the two got in touch. Feng Aiai is now a spiritual lecturer, and he will go to some places from time to time to preach and teach.After that suicide, Feng Aiai came into contact with Buddhism, met each other late, and finally became a monk, got a dharma name, changed contact information, and severed ties with the past life.

Feng Aiai told Zou Fei that Tong Yue had returned to China last year, and they met in the "Spiritual Lecture". After the class, the two chatted a lot and talked about him.Zou Fei was eager to know about Tong Yue's news, so he asked Feng Aiai to meet, Feng Aiai said: "Let's celebrate the Spring Festival first, the spring will be warm and the flowers will bloom." The Spring Festival of 2011 is here. There was a poster of a New Year's Eve concert on the bus stop on the street. Zou Fei didn't know any of the singers on it, even the words in their names.A crop of new singers has grown up, and from the words their parents use to name them, we can know that times have really changed.

In the past few days during the Spring Festival, Zou Fei stayed at home for a long time. He accidentally saw his parents’ health-preserving book and found that his previous living habits ran counter to the reasonable habits advocated by medicine, such as skipping breakfast, staying up late, and drinking strong coffee. .It can be seen from this that what I used to be passionate about is not necessarily right, not only my living habits, but also my attitude towards society. Zou Fei can now clearly see two roads in front of him: one is to follow the established route of human beings, form a family, give birth to the next generation, and pass it on from generation to generation; the other is to be loyal to his heart and follow his heart Go live and pursue what you are after. On this road, the seemingly normal requirements of human beings are abnormal.

Undoubtedly, Zou Fei is now closer to the latter, and the fact is the same. He has been living for himself, not paying attention to the rules of the world - such as getting married and having children at a certain age.The reason for this is that apart from his desire to complete his pursuit, another reason is that he wants to live to see for himself first, to prove that this road is feasible—only faith and the principle of not living, not bowing, and not giving up can also live. It is very good, and then educate the children in the future: "Look, this is how your dad came here, no problem!"

During the Spring Festival, Zou Fei spent the New Year at his grandfather's house.Seeing his nephew running all over the place, his little sister who used to chase boys and go shopping on the street with her boyfriend's arm, and his grandfather using a cane this year, these made Zou Fei feel life The change. Listening to the conversation between the seven aunts and the eight aunts, these parents' short stories actually had a huge energy at this time, which gave Zou Fei a new understanding of life: it turns out that everyone else lives like this.He only lived in his own world before, but now he has to admit that people live in social relationships—family relationships and work relationships, which people cannot jump out of.

In the past, Zou Fei thought that he was different from those students who went to work. He didn’t have to sit in class or clock in. He took photos he liked and earned some manuscript fees. It was a self-sufficient and simple life.Later, I realized that even if the pictures I took had nothing to do with business, the act was still a commercial act, unless I didn’t get a penny from the magazine.If you gain something from society, you must pay something. Life itself is a business.Society is a whole, and people cannot directly obtain their own value without relying on others—personal value can only be realized in society, and who can a person talk about value with.Just like the earth, it can rotate on its own, but no matter how you rotate it, it is still revolving around the sun and cannot get out of orbit. Zou Fei remembered the words "value" and "exchange" learned in politics class, and found that since human society broke away from primitive times, he has been busy working on the things these words represent.Is this the nature of human society? This Spring Festival, Zou Fei thought about a lot of things and left behind many things that he was reluctant to let go of before. At the same time, he also brought a lot of new things to move on. After the Spring Festival, Zou Fei's biggest change is that he decided to apply for social security for himself.Although he has worked for the magazine for more than two years, he is still considered a non-staff member. He does not need to sit on shifts or hold regular meetings. Rely on the royalties of the photos.So all along, Zou Fei has never had the three insurances and one housing fund, and he also feels that these are not important. Seeing a doctor, retirement, pension... are all far away from him, and he never thought of taking the initiative to pay.Eight years have passed since graduation. The social security of other students has been eight years old, and his is still brand new. When shopping in the past, middle-aged women called Zou Fei a young man, but now they call him a man.He knew that his heart might not be old yet, but his appearance was already patinaed.Now that you are all men, you have to do some man things, and you can't be sloppy or live like a child anymore. After the Spring Festival, Zou Fei will be thirty years old.Now whenever someone asks his age, he can no longer say that he is in his twenties. Once he says the word "three", he feels that he is not young anymore.If he retires at sixty, he is already halfway through.Let's forget about the first 30 years, but it's just like this. For the next 30 years, he has to think about himself. Under the persuasion of his parents and his own feelings, Zou Fei took his ID card and household registration book to the talent center to get social security for himself.For some reason, Zou Fei is most unwilling to do such things, and the place he is least willing to enter is this kind of place. There are a lot of people who come to apply, and they have to queue up with numbers. It seems that everyone is thinking about their future.The people sitting behind the window ranged from aunts who looked special at first glance, to young and beautiful girls who got in through connections.The aunt had an overbearing attitude and impatiently asked the person who went through the formalities for a certificate.The young girl hangs her head in the sun, her hair is loose, her skin looks good, like a peeled scallion, so white and tender skin will sit here until she also becomes an aunt. Someone suddenly quarreled at a window, it seemed that it was because of a very simple matter, which was easy to do, but the aunt behind the window refused to do it, and said that it should be done according to the rules. Wouldn't it be enough to piggyback on it?The aunt behind the window said that it was not a matter of passing by, it was a rule.The aunt outside the window said, bullshit rules, how many of you come here to work according to the rules, and how many of you do your own business according to the rules, the rules should be for everyone, not just for the counter The people outside make the rules, and the people at the counter can do whatever they want.The aunt in the window said, none of us think about what to do, we are not in charge of your matter, we can only go to other places to deal with it.The aunt outside the window said, if you don’t do it for me today, I won’t leave.The two got into a fight, and the leader quickly came out of the house to mediate. He first criticized the staff for their bad attitude, and then asked the aunt outside the window what kind of business they wanted to do. Show her the business that can be done.Auntie knew that she couldn't do it, so she pretended to look at it and said, "You guys always make things so complicated, and this matter should be handled separately, and I have to go to another place for an extra trip." "You have to understand this. 110 is for catching bad guys, 120 is for saving people, and 119 is for firefighting. If you want to catch bad guys and call 120, they will definitely not be able to catch you." "Well, if you don't do it, don't do it, don't talk so much, I'm leaving." The aunt insisted on defeating the situation, and preached loudly as she walked, "The value of their lives can only be reflected in tossing others Come out!" won a group of middle-aged people who felt the same way and laughed approvingly. Things are always like this, those who make the rules, say that the person who rules the rules does not obey the rules; the object of the rules always complains that the person who made the rules made it blindly. When it was Zou Fei's turn, he sat down at the window and dumped his things: "It's all here, you can take what you need." The person who handled it for him was a little girl. I don't know if it was because she was a good person or if the disease had not yet been cured. She patiently told Zou Fei about the designated hospitals for medical treatment, the level of pension, how to use the medical insurance card and other issues.Zou Fei still didn't understand. In order not to dampen the little girl's enthusiasm for work, they all nodded and pretended to understand, and signed it as soon as they were asked to sign. After completing the formalities, Zou Fei ate at the restaurant at the entrance of the Talent Center. After ordering, while waiting to be served, a man and a woman came in.There was no table, and the waiter said that he could only share the table with Zou Fei. The man was anxious to finish his meal and go to work, and he didn't want to change places, so he sat opposite Zou Fei with the woman. Zou Fei turned his back to them. After the man sat down, he saw Zou Fei's face and recognized him.It turned out that this man was Chen Zhiguo. Zou Fei knew that Chen Zhiguo went to a public institution under the district government after graduation, but he didn't expect to go to the talent center where he just went through the formalities, and he hasn't moved his nest in eight years.Zou Fei hadn't contacted him after graduation, and he didn't have much contact with him when he was in school. Except for the announcement from the department and the Youth League Committee, Chen Zhiguo told Zou Fei, the two of them didn't talk much the rest of the time, and Chen Zhiguo's clothes now look more like The person who sits in the office. After recognizing Zou Fei, it was even more inconvenient for Chen Zhiguo to change tables, so he hurriedly greeted him and introduced the woman beside him to Zou Fei: "This is my girlfriend." Zou Fei nodded to greet his girlfriend, Chen Zhiguo still looked like he was in love with things, and asked the waiter to quickly bring the menu: "I haven't seen you for many years, but I met him at the door of my unit today. I'm the host, so I'll eat something , if it’s not for work in the afternoon, I’ll have a drink with you.” In the second half of the sentence, Zou Fei heard that Chen Zhiguo's style was still the same. They were strangers when they were in school, but they became warmer when they met after graduation.When the food was served, the conversation was quite lively, mainly due to Chen Zhiguo's super adaptability, he could talk about any topic. First, we exchanged information about the current situation of some of the students we have come into contact with, and then we talked about our respective jobs.When talking about Chen Zhiguo's work, Zou Fei casually asked him something, but instead of explaining, he asked instead: "What's the matter, do you want to do this?" After working for many years, Chen Zhiguo has developed the habit of thinking that whenever someone mentions something, he will think that they are looking for him to do something.Zou Fei admired his work acumen very much. "I studied in university for four years, does it have anything to do with your job?" Zou Fei asked. "It doesn't matter at all." Chen Zhiguo said. "Then your four years of college have been in vain?" "Didn't you also do your professional work?" "I didn't study hard at the beginning, and I didn't plan to do it at all, but you all studied hard." "I'm studying hard just to get a diploma. Without a bachelor's degree, I can't do this job. I'm not interested in building cars. Now, if I want to enter our unit, I have to have a master's degree." "Don't you just sit in the office? I think you can do it after you graduate from junior high school." "Otherwise." Chen Zhiguo did not forget to bring food to his girlfriend while talking, "This job requires a high level of emotional intelligence. There are leaders at the top and grassroots at the bottom. Both ends of the golden cudgel shine." Zou Fei deeply agrees, it is true that not everyone can do these things. "You guys are considered civil servants. The state pays for the electricity. Can you not adjust the air conditioner so that you have to wear a T-shirt in winter and long sleeves in summer? Is it uncomfortable to stay by yourself?" Zou Fei asked at the top of the hall. I also remember those headlights that are always bright no matter it is cloudy, rainy or snowy, "And your lights, don't turn on when the sun is sunny." "We were so busy working, we didn't pay attention to these things, and we got used to feeling uncomfortable." Chen Zhiguo saw that his girlfriend's glass was about to be empty, and poured another drink, serving him comfortably, always thinking ahead, I can't find anything wrong with it, but this feeling always makes Zou Fei feel uncomfortable. The topic turned to Chen Zhiguo and his girlfriend again. Chen Zhiguo said that he and her were classmates in middle school, and their lovers would eventually get married. They finally established a relationship three months ago. , insisting on true love, and chasing her hard for so many years." Chen Zhiguo took another piece of fish for his girlfriend, "Eat more, this year we will get married in the Year of the Tiger, and we will have a good baby next year." He also helped his girlfriend choose the fishbone: "I'm used to serving the leaders, and you will be the leader of our family from now on." Chen Zhiguo's words made his girlfriend feel sweet in her heart, she didn't know whether she was happy because she was eating, but she didn't close it anyway.When Zou Fei thought of Chen Zhiguo when he was in college, he had a deeper understanding of what he just said than his girlfriend.I don't know whether people are born like this, or the living environment has transformed people into this way. It seems that Chen Zhiguo has arranged everything properly and knows it well.Although this kind of life is stable, it also loses more possibilities, so people who don't plan to spend their lives like him don't desire it. Chen Zhiguo knew that Zou Fei liked literature and art, so when there was nothing to talk about, he would do what he liked and chat about literature and art for a while.Chen Zhiguo said: "Although my appreciation level is limited, I really don't like any of these domestic blockbusters. I watched a foreign film a few days ago. I don't know which country it is from. It made me cry." "You are crying because your eyes are tired!" "I was so moved that I cried. If you don't believe me, ask my girlfriend!" Chen Zhiguo said sincerely, "She also cried." It can be seen from Chen Zhiguo that everyone divides their heart into two parts, one part faces the world, and the other part is for themselves.The proportion of these two parts determines how this person faces the world—a realist or an idealist.At the same time, it also proves this point: a good literary and artistic work does not lie in the attitude towards the world, but can give people a positive and upward force-it can move no matter what kind of people, as long as they are still human. "I have to go back to work in a while, I don't have time to sit down, let's get together some other day!" Chen Zhiguo's words revealed the habit of going to other places to stay after dinner with the leader. Then I remembered something: "By the way, the school celebration is coming soon. In 2001, when we were juniors, it was the 40th anniversary. This year is the 50th anniversary. When the time comes, we must go back and have a good time. Let me greet you!" April is here.Zou Fei still couldn't wait for Feng Aiai's letter, so he couldn't hold back anymore, and sent her a text message: "Spring has come, the flowers should bloom, and autumn will be here." Feng Aiai replied, she is participating in an event in Hainan, and it will be over in half a month. If Zou Fei is in a hurry, he can come to Hainan to find her first.So Zou Fei booked a ticket to Haikou, and he named this trip to Hainan the trip of spring blossoms. The airport shuttle bus pulled three people, and Zou Fei was the last one to board the plane. The luggage compartment above the seat was full, and Zou Fei stood in the aisle to make room for himself to put his bag.At this time, a well-dressed young and middle-aged man walked up behind Zou Fei, was blocked, and pretended to be a gentleman and said, "Have you put it away?" Anyone can tell that the real intention is: You... Hurry up! Zou Fei hates this kind of person who pretends to be graceful the most. A real gentleman will not be in a hurry at the moment and cannot say what he said just now. Even if he directly said "let me go first", Zou Fei will make way for him , but he came to this, Zou Fei also made a mess. "No!" Zou Fei deliberately delayed the time.As soon as I got it up, I felt that it was meaningless and I couldn't get along with this kind of person, so I put away my bag and let him pass. When I opened the newspaper on the plane, there was no surprise. It was the same as what I saw every day. The director of a certain place was arrested for accepting bribes, and an artist who was on the lower three roads and added two points above came into everyone's sight. There have been incidents of self-immolation to resist violent demolition.The protagonist of the event has changed, time and space have changed, but the beginning and end are exactly the same, always like a remake of an old movie, can't human beings do something creative? You can't lose your life just because someone refuses to relocate. The demolition party must be blamed for this matter, but Zou Fei can't understand things like walls falling down and people pushing and drums being broken.The editorial staff of the newspaper completely wrote about the demolition as a fascist act, using all kinds of words to describe the darkness of human nature. Willing to live in old and damp houses for generations, is it true that everyone there is reluctant to part with the grass and trees in their hometown?But why are there still so many young people who want to work in big cities, buy houses in big cities, are willing to have a household registration in big cities, and let the next generation receive education in big cities?When these people bought a house, did they ever think that there used to be old residents here, and their houses were demolished to make room for you to build houses?I don't want my home to be demolished, and I want to be a person in a big city. Can all the good things be taken by one person? Turning back the newspaper, there are still all kinds of headaches.I don't know if there are really too many problems in the current society, or if it was the same in the past, but it was not reported.In addition to man-made disasters, there are also natural disasters. In the past two years, the living space of human beings seems to be equated with the crisis, and there is no time to stop.Reaping the fruit of oneself, this word is used to describe ignorant people who deserve it for lifting a rock and shooting themselves in the foot, and it will definitely describe human beings themselves.Since the emergence of human beings, in addition to making production tools more advanced, when has it been sensible? After getting off the plane, Zou Fei found a hotel to stay in. When he was checking in at the front desk, a couple who looked like students were also checking in.When the waiter asked them to show their IDs, the boys shyly took out their ID cards—their ages could be seen when they registered, so it could be deduced that their identities were students at school. The waiter took the ID card and entered the number into the computer. He was very professional. In order not to see through them, he asked, "Did you issue an invoice when you checked out?" The boy shook his head, carrying a large bucket of drinks and a large bag of food. The waiter said: "If you don't issue an invoice, you can give you a discount of ten yuan." The boy nodded again.It seems that the family is in a good family, and he can accept a house price of several hundred yuan a day while he is still in school. The waiter politely and professionally recommended the double bed room, saying that the price is the same as a standard room with two single beds. The boy agreed and looked at the girl. He thanked the waiter for his understanding, but he was embarrassed to express it . The waiter said that if you apply for a membership card, you can enjoy a 15% discount every time you stay in the hotel. "Do you want to do it?" the boy asked the girl. "Let's do it!" the girl whispered. It seems that they have full confidence in this relationship. The waiter handed the boy back the ID card after using it. The boy took the ID card, relieved, and prepared to go upstairs with the girl.At this time, the girl's cell phone rang, and she ran to the side to answer it: "Mom, I'm at school!" This scene reminded Zou Fei of Tong Yue, in the past he had to share a room with Rossi, but now he can live in a hotel by himself, and someone has reimbursed the invoice, but the person who stayed in the hotel with him is gone. The boys and girls went upstairs first, and Zou Fei went upstairs after completing the formalities. While waiting for the elevator, he met the boy coming downstairs with empty hands, probably to go shopping.Thinking of what he might have gone to buy, Zou Fei smiled knowingly in his heart, and got into the elevator. After staying, Zou Fei called Feng Aiai and made an appointment to see her tomorrow morning. The next day, cannons started to be fired downstairs early in the morning, and someone got married and held a banquet in the hotel.Zou Fei doesn't understand why people always like to make some noise in their lives: when they are born, they don't want to be noticed, so they use crying to attract attention; Afraid of not being noticed, blowing and beating, and going to a funeral... Everything has to be vigorous, can't it be quiet? Awakened by the sound of the cannon, Zou Fei got up from the bed, went downstairs to have breakfast, sat in the dining room and drank coffee for a while after eating, it was quite comfortable, and the complaints about getting up early were gone.There are some things that one knows are not blessings. Seeing that it was almost time, Zou Fei went to the hotel where Feng Aiai was staying.After arriving, Feng Aiai asked Zou Fei to wait downstairs for a while, and she came down after saying a few words. Zou Fei groped around in the lobby and found that the stairs could be exposed to the sun, so he sat down on the steps. A man in suits and leather shoes visited the lobby and told Zou Fei very politely that people are not allowed to sit on this side of the stairs, but you can sit on the sofa over there.Zou Fei obeyed, stood up and sat on the sofa.He used to complain that they were too important, but now he has learned to respect each other's rules. After waiting for a while, Feng Aiai came down.Zou Fei saw her smiling and walking towards him from a distance, still wrapped in a headscarf, dressed neutrally, and walking lightly. "Long time no see!" Zou Fei stood up and smiled at Feng Aiai. "You're still like that." Feng Aiai stepped forward. "You have changed." Zou Fei said. Feng Aiai smiled: "Go and sit in a quiet place over there!" The two found a place to sit down in a nearby coffee shop and hadn't seen each other for almost five years.Feng Aiai held the tea in her right hand and looked at it. Her wrist was fair and clean. The scar left by her suicide must be on that wrist. Zou Fei glanced at her left wrist and could only see a string of scars protruding from the outside. prayer beads. After ordering something to drink, Feng Aiai took out a book and said, "I'll give you a meeting gift." "I came in a hurry, and I forgot to bring you something." Zou Fei took the book and flipped through it. It was a Buddhist book with a lotus bookmark inside. It was hard for him to believe that he yearned for love every day when he was in school. , Feng Aiai, who longs for a splendid life, has become a monk, "I haven't seen you for a few years, why are you like this?" Feng Aiai is used to answering such questions, and smiled again: "I didn't want to believe in Buddhism, but just wanted to see the world clearly. It happened that some viewpoints of Buddhism confirmed my thoughts and gave me a lot of inspiration. According to the saying, maybe this is the fate of Buddha, so I became friends with it." Zou Fei could see that Feng Aiai didn't want to escape anything, but really got happiness from it. "Then you will be alone from now on?" Zou Fei asked. "We are lucky. Life allows us to choose. Although some people choose to be disappointing, at least they still have the opportunity to choose. There are still many people who don't even have the opportunity to choose. They can only live resignedly. Therefore, For those people, we should also choose a way of life that does not disappoint, I think my current life is positive for me and others." Feng Aiai said.In addition to her own practice, she also participates in some exchange activities, preaching the wisdom of Buddhism, and inspiring modern people how to let go of their attachments, eliminate worries and stress, and live a relaxed life. "Then tell me first, why do I feel that I am so tired?" Zou Fei said. "Do you always want to live the kind of life you desire, or get into that kind of life state, but you can't achieve it?" "That's right!" "You should use renunciation to live..." "Am I using renunciation?" Zou Fei interrupted Feng Aiai, "Others have integrated into their lives and lived a good life, I feel that I haven't found the life I want to live yet, isn't it enough to renounce? " "That's not what I mean by 'leaving'. 'Leaving' in Buddhism means that the 'self' wants the world to cater to itself, and takes its own needs too seriously, and people should deviate from the 'self' slightly. Request, this is 'leaving'." "But if I don't stick to my 'self', I'll go with the flow, and I'll be mediocre all my life, and I'll ruin my life. Didn't you say just now that since we have the opportunity to choose, we should choose one with value? way of life." "But what is value, what is 'self'? Buddhism says 'no-self'." When the tea came, Feng Aiai took a sip from the cup, "You can read the book I gave you Go to the bookmarked page and read the penultimate paragraph." Zou Fei did the same, and saw this text: "The real 'I', the independent 'I' does not exist, so what we lost did not exist, we did not lose a real 'I', This is the realization of emptiness. When we realize emptiness, we feel a little dangerous and may think that we have fallen into nothingness. In fact, we have not fallen into nothingness. Instead, we will start to understand that what we think of as concrete existence It comes from the projection of our own consciousness-only manifestation, and its essence is completely empty. It just looks as if we have really fallen into nothingness, because the relationship of 'I' has completely ceased to exist." Zou Fei was shocked when he saw this kind of statement for the first time, and felt that it seemed to be the case. "Don't let yourself be controlled by these things, so that you can really live. There is no such thing as doing what you want. First, you can't do what you want, and second, the more you think about it, the farther you will be from doing what you want." "But people can't live passively. Some things require you to conceive and create. If you just go with the flow, you don't need to fight, but that will never reach the ideal state." "The so-called ideal state exists and does not exist. It is a fantasy of the 'self'. To put it bluntly, it is a kind of self-deception. Let yourself be entangled in it. If you can't achieve it, you will have various negative emotions in your heart. In fact, you dug a trap, and ended up stepping on it yourself. You may think that you are living a serious life and others are messing around, but the reason why others don’t have your expectations of society is that you can live a good life in today’s society. It’s not that people are different from others, but that they didn’t impose on themselves a possibility that they made up, so they don’t have any troubles in this regard.” "That is to say, it's just life, what kind of life do you not pursue?" Zou Fei smiled wryly, "Is it my fault?" "No one is right, and there is no right or wrong." Feng Aiai smiled at a person who greeted her passing by, and continued, "Take us as an example when we were in school, you boys are all angry youths, because If you can’t get what you want, you will be irritable and irritable. Later, when you enter the society, you will get what you want one after another, and you will become calm when you have nothing to be angry about. There are new things that you don’t know—not just things, but emotions and feelings, and anger arises again.” "Then what do you say?" "There's really nothing you have to get, none of those things exist." "I...why don't I exist, don't they really appear there, such as the chair I'm sitting on and the cup of tea in your hand?" Zou Fei was stunned. "These are all caused by the harmony of causes and conditions, including our body and mind. They can exist or disappear. The nature is empty. All appearances are illusory." "I don't understand." "For example, the cup of tea I drink is composed of cups, tea leaves, and water, and then I drink it. If there is one missing item, it cannot be called 'this cup of tea I drink'. Before we sit here, "This cup of tea I'm drinking" does not exist. Similarly, your various feelings about life are also produced by the contact with the outside world, and they do not exist in themselves." "Have a feeling for life, don't you?" "Thinking is not the same as wisdom. Thinking without righteous thoughts is just the mind wandering in a daze, which will inevitably cause troubles." "Then what is righteous thoughts?" "Emptiness is." "That's enough." "It's nothing but emptiness, what else do you want to know?" "I want to know the 'truth.'" "'Truth' means there is no truth. If you always think that there must be a 'truth', you will never find the truth." "If you don't think about anything, it's no different from being a fool." "The difference is that there is more wisdom than a fool's thinking of nothing." "What is wisdom?" "The realization of emptiness is wisdom." "Why is it related to 'emptiness' again?" "Because there is nothing outside of emptiness, it can only fall on 'emptiness', which is 'nothing'." "But what we're exposed to in our daily lives is 'there'." "Everyone will have feelings about life, both psychological and physical. It doesn't matter if you 'have', but don't be attached to these feelings. You should live your heart without dwelling." Feng Aiai spoke quickly and calmly, "I used to long for love and To be loved, to long for the passion of love to flow in my body, now I am at peace, and I have truly received great love." Zou Fei could feel that what Feng Aiai said was sincere. "There is no desire to cling to external things, neither thinking good nor evil, and having no worries, this is the real freedom, which is better than the freedom we pursued when we were in school—to live according to our own ideas to satisfy us— - Much more advanced." Feng Aiai said again. Zou Fei didn't want to say anything more, just wanted to hear Feng Aiai continue to say: "If there is a stage in life from darkness to light, then everyone is like a train carriage passing through a cave. Light, those who go in late and come out late, anyway, they all have to go through this darkness, and everyone's time and experience are similar." "Thinking about it, it was really stupid. I didn't want to live yet. If I didn't survive, I wouldn't have experienced so many beautiful things." "Life is like, before we experienced joy, anger, sorrow and joy, in the future we will experience birth, old age, sickness and death, these things and thoughts will happen at any time, understand it, don't be attached to it, otherwise we will be led away by them, and all kinds of ignorance will arise, Unable to attain happiness—I'm not talking about the happiness of self-satisfaction, but the happiness of having no object, a state of peace and tranquility." Zou Fei listened without saying a word, Feng Aiai stopped suddenly: "Are you tired of listening to me talking so much?" "No, just tell me, I love to hear it." Zou Fei was still thinking about those words. "That's enough, let's talk about what you want to know the most!" Feng Aiai asked the waiter to add water to the teacup, "I met Tong Yue in November last year." "How many years has she been back?" "It's been over a year by then." "She has been in the UK before? What are you doing now? What are you talking about?" Zou Fei asked several questions in one breath.