Chapter 22 Chapter 22 Mystery

When I got home, I took two sedatives, threw myself on the bed, and fell asleep in a coma. When I woke up, my head was heavy and my body was very tired. I didn't understand why I was sleeping on the bed during the day. After a while, I remembered the cause and effect. I suddenly wanted to take two more pills. I was already too tired!But in the end, you can't indulge yourself. Get up, take a shower, and rush to the hospital.As soon as he got out of the elevator, he saw Song Yi and Lu Licheng standing side by side in front of the window, not talking, just smoking a cigarette.The sun was originally bright, but the lingering smoke made everything gloomy.

Hearing the sound of footsteps, Lu Licheng turned to look at me, and I asked, "Did Malatang wake up?" "Wake up, but she won't see us." I nodded and walked past them. Aunt Wang, who was dozing on the sofa, straightened up vigilantly just as she opened the door of the ward. Seeing that it was me, she relaxed her expression and sat back on the sofa. I walked towards the hospital bed, and Malatang heard the voice, and turned her head and called, "Mom?" I was stunned, and looked at Aunt Wang questioningly. Aunt Wang said with tears in her eyes, "Su Man came to see you."

At this time, I had already walked to her hospital bed, and Malatang smiled and said, "Oh! I can see it." I leaned over and asked her, "How are you feeling?" "very good." Looking at the smile on her face, I want to cry, but also want to roar, very good?Is that good?But everything can only be turned into silence. Malatang called: "Mom, I want to be alone with Manman for a while." Aunt Wang stood up immediately: "Okay, you guys talk, I'll go down and take a look around." "mom?" "What?" Aunt Wang asked with her hand on the door.

"Stop scolding Song Yi." Aunt Wang reluctantly said: "No." When Aunt Wang closed the door, Malatang smiled and shook my hand: "Are we the only two left in the room?" "Hmm. Can you see me?" "Yes. It's just that you can't see it from a distance, but you can see it up close." She smiled, "Lie down next to me, okay?" I took off my shoes and squeezed into her side to lie down. She asked, "Song Yi is still outside?" "Ok." "Actually, I don't hate him. Go out and tell him later, let him go back!"

"Speak for yourself." Malatang pinched my ear: "I know you are angry in your heart, but you think about it! I was like this six years ago, this is my original appearance, God gave me six years for no reason, let me know You, we have played so many places together, it's worth it!" "It's worth a ghost! I haven't been to many places!" Malatang smiled blindly, but there were tears in the corners of my eyes, and I secretly wiped away the tears. She asked me: "Manman, do you still like Song Yi?" I honestly replied: "I like him, but I hate him now. What about you?"

Malatang's expression was confused: "I don't know. When I first found out that he was Xu Qiu's boyfriend, I thought he was just as hateful as my dad. You said you were going to be a lover, no one stopped you, but you shouldn't Come out to harm people. I, a young girl with a bright future, and the master of the smoke show in Beijing, why did I accompany him in such a bloody drama in a daze. If he stood by my side at that time, I would definitely be cruel Give him a few big slaps." I couldn't laugh or cry when I heard it, and asked, "What about now?" "I don't feel much now. It feels like a dream. When I couldn't see, I was eager to know what this person looked like, and then God let me know, and then I couldn't see again." Malatang "咕咕"Laughed, "Song Yi is so miserable! He was originally a sweet potato, but all of a sudden, we don't want to see him anymore."

I laughed too: "I'm sorry! I should have told you earlier that I like Song Yi." "It doesn't matter. After the incident, everyone is Zhuge Liang, but at that time and place, you and I can only make the best choice at that time and place." I held her hand: "Ma La Tang, you promised in front of my dad that you would stay with me for the rest of your life." There were tears in her eyes: "You are a good person, there will be many people who like to be friends with you and play with you." "They don't wake me up at four o'clock in the morning, not only don't get angry, but also talk to me, and they don't help me dry my hair and paint my pedicures when I have a bad cold."

Malatang didn't speak, I said softly, "Malatang, don't leave me!" There were tears in her eyes, but there was a smile on her face: "Do you think my old lady wants to leave this world of flowers? Although Song Yi regarded me as Xu Qiu's substitute, I blame the injury, but I didn't intend to seek death for them, it's not worth it." One of these two people is someone I hate, and the other doesn't like me at all, why should I die for them? It's just that my reason is clear, but I can't control the instructions deep in my consciousness. I just hate Xu Qiu, a bitch , I can’t help it! But don’t worry, who is my dad? Xu Zhongjin! Stamp your feet, and the city of Beijing will make a noise. Although he doesn’t like me, I’m already his only daughter. There is a way. But don't tell Song Yi that trouble, let him feel guilty and reflect on himself!"

My heart settled down, and I pinched her mouth with a smile: "Your mouth!" She smiled, moved her head towards me, and was close to me, lying head to head, with a feeling of peace of mind that someone could rely on. During the day, I couldn't sleep well by relying on medicines. At this time, I was talking with Malatang, and I fell asleep in a daze.When I woke up, I found Uncle Xu and Aunt Wang sitting in the ward. I was so embarrassed that I hurriedly got out of bed and put on my shoes. Malatang was woken up by me and called me in a daze: "Manman?" "exist."

She smiled: "I had a dream. I dreamed that the two of us were going to a nightclub and saw a man who looked strangely punctual..." I covered her mouth with quick hands and eyes, and smiled dryly at Uncle Xu: "Uncle Xu it is good!" Uncle Xu smiled and said, "You are fine too." Malatang's smile disappeared immediately, and he closed his eyes with a straight face. I said to Malatang: "I will come to see you tomorrow." I said goodbye to Uncle Xu and Aunt Wang. Walking out of the ward, I saw Lu Licheng and Song Yi still outside the ward.He saw me and pointed to the watch on his wrist: "Do you know how long you've been in there?"

Just as I was about to speak, the door of the ward opened again, Uncle Xu came out, Lu Licheng and Song Yi both stood up immediately, Lu Licheng called "Uncle Xu", Song Yi lowered his head and did not speak. Uncle Xu nodded to Lu Licheng, and said to me: "Let's find a place to sit, can we?" Of course I said "yes". Uncle Xu led me into a small conference room next to the ward. He closed the door and poured me a glass of water: "Just now I saw you and Xiao Lian laying head to head on the bed. It gave me the illusion that it was My own pair of daughters, but in fact, Xiaoqiu and Xiaolian have never been so close." I don't know what to say, I can only drink water with my head down. "Xiao Lian told you something about her and her sister, right?" I said cautiously: "I've talked a little bit." Uncle Xu seemed to see through my worries, and said with a light smile, "I used to like to call Xiao Lian 'Lian Shuang'. After her operation, I never called her 'Lian Shuang' again, but she was busy with me all day long. Dou Qi, I never noticed this change." I vaguely understood something in my heart, and asked expectantly: "Is it Uncle's idea to conceal that the kidney transplanted by Malatang came from Xu Qiu?" He nodded: "Xiao Lian's condition is very bad now, and her rejection reaction is very strong. Six years ago, when her kidneys failed, it took more than half a year for her vision to degenerate to the point where she could not see. But now, from yesterday's onset to today, only one day, she I am already half-blind. Doctors have searched for suitable kidneys all over the country, but they are human kidneys after all, not something that can be bought, and I am afraid that even if I have a way, it will be too late." The hope I had just ignited was dashed, my water glass fell to the ground, my shoes were all wet, but I didn't even have the strength to move my feet. Uncle Xu's expression was also very sad: "I'm sitting at home today, thinking about this issue all the time. I don't care how to explain this matter medically. I think the reason lies in Xiao Lian himself. Maybe she doesn't want to be like this, but her The brain faithfully carried out the most true wish in her heart, and she hated and resisted Xiaoqiu's kidney." For a father, the most painful thing is that his children turned against each other, and the white-haired man gave away the black-haired man. He has encountered them all. I want to say something, but any language is pale. He put a diary in front of me: "This is Xiaoqiu's diary. The diary was left to her by her mother. Ever since she was able to write, she has been used to pouring out her emotions and sorrows into the diary. This habit has been going on forever. Continue until she gets into a car accident." All the doubts in my mind were finally clear: "Uncle Xu knew what Xu Qiu did to Malatang when he was a child?" Uncle Xu nodded silently, his eyes full of grief and self-blame. "But, I don't understand. Why did you give me the diary? You want me to tell Malatang that you know what she has endured? Why don't you tell her yourself?" "I have already lost a daughter, and I can't lose another daughter, especially all the 'evil consequences' today are the 'evil causes' planted by me back then. If I can discuss with Xiaoqiu before marrying Ayun, first Ask for her consent, pay attention to protecting her psychology, maybe she won't hate Xiao Lian so much; if I can find out what kind of child Xiao Qiu is, and educate her earlier, maybe there won't be a car accident later; Xiao Lian has fulfilled her responsibilities as a father. Her spirit will not be suppressed all the year round, and maybe her kidneys will not get sick at all. I really want to untie Xiao Lian's heart knot, but I can't do anything. Freezing three feet is not a day's cold, The estrangement between me and Xiao Lian for nearly thirty years does not mean that I can resolve it immediately if I try hard. I give you this diary to pin my last hope on you, please keep her!" The man sitting in front of me took off all the worldly clothes, he was just a sad and helpless father with premature hair, I held the diary in my arms and said firmly: "I will, because I can't bear the death of a loved one." Uncle Xu and I came out one after another. Uncle Xu greeted Lu Licheng and returned to the ward.I sat next to Song Yi: "Song Yi, Malatang's kidneys are failing very quickly, and she is already half blind. At this rate, she may not be able to wait for a suitable kidney at all." Song Yi looked at me blankly, his once vibrant eyes were now a lifeless gray.In an instant, the resentment towards him because of Malatang dissipated.As Malatang said, we are not wise in advance, we can only choose at the moment, maybe wrong, but we all just follow our own heart. "She doesn't blame you." Song Yi's hands curled up into fists in pain, his knuckles turned white. After thinking for a long time, I said: "When I first found out that you were with Malatang, I was in so much pain that I wished I could disappear into this world immediately. But no matter how sad or painful I was, I never blamed you. What I have always been worried about is whether you have ever loved me, whether you have never loved me from the beginning to the end, but you were just moved by me, or you once loved a little bit, and you forget it when you meet Malatang. Actually, I don’t care what the answer is, but I want an answer, listen to you tell me clearly." "Su Man, how can you still pester these things now?" Lu Licheng's eyes could not hide the disappointment and bitterness. I ignored him, and still said to Song Yi: "I want you to think about the matter between you and Malatang. The reason why you treat her well is because she has eyes similar to Xu Qiu's. There is Xu Qiu's kidney, or a little bit because she is Malatang. The answer itself is not important, what is important is that you understand your own heart. Song Yi, do you know? We do love you, if we lose you, we will There will be pain and crying, but the beauty in this world is not just love. After the pain and crying, we will still muster the courage to continue the journey below, but we need to make an account of the past and everything we have sincerely given. Answer It's like a full stop that allows us to end this paragraph and start the next." I stood up and strode away without turning my head. Lu Licheng strode to catch up from behind: "Go home?" "I'm going to buy some cans of coffee first." "do what?" "Study data on the treatment of heart disease." He glanced at the bag in my arms and said nothing. When I got home, I sat down at the table, turned on the lamp, there were biscuits on the left, and coffee on the right. I took out the diary, and I just wanted to open it, but I was timid. Go to the window, overlooking the blur of this bustling city. In this diary, I will not only see Malatang, I will also see Song Yi, from the age of seventeen to twenty-eight, he was missing in my life for seven years. When I saw the suppressed pain in his eyes, when I saw his gentle but warm smile, and when I saw his polite but alienated behavior, I wondered countless times what happened in those seven years, I wanted to know A secret buried by time, but when the answer is in front of my eyes, I am afraid. After a long time, I turned and went to the living room and poured myself a glass of wine, maybe I will use it. Lock the door, sit at the desk, and open the first page of the diary. They are all one-inch or two-inch black-and-white photos of a woman. The facial features of the woman in the photos are not outstanding, but the beauty is her temperament, her attitude is imposing, and she looks like a woman who does not give way to a man.The paper under the photos is brownish-yellow, and some photos are wrinkled as if they had been wet by water. I seem to see in front of my eyes a girl hiding in her room, looking at the photo while silently shedding tears, and the tears dripped on the photo. Missing and loving mother!How are you willing to leave your little one?No matter how rich a father's love is, it can never make up for the missing mother's love, and soon my father will no longer belong to me alone, he will marry another woman, he will have children with another woman, and he will love them. I turned to the next page. Why do I call that woman mother?No!I only have one mom!Has daddy forgotten mommy?They say this woman is prettier than her mother, impossible!Mom is the most beautiful, mom, even if the whole world forgets you, I will never forget you! When I came home from school, I found that my mother's chair was missing. The woman said that the chair was too old, and there happened to be a junk collector who came to collect old furniture, so she sold it.Dad heard it and didn't respond.I hate them!That chair was bought by my mother, and it was used by my mother. Did my father forget it? Dad bought two pieces of clothes of the same style, the big one for me and the small one for the little girl.The little girl was very happy. After wearing it, she came over and asked me to wear it too. She called me "sister", am I her sister?I'm not!I warned her not to call me "sister", she couldn't understand, and said like a fool, "But you are my sister", I ignored her, and when she left, I deliberately spilled the ink and messed up my skirt Bad, my mother only has me as a daughter!The little girl actually told her father to give me her skirt, idiot!idiot!A woman as uneducated as her mother!Can't you see that I'm older than she is? When the little girl went up the stairs, she couldn't walk steadily. I called her stupid, but she still smiled at me!What a poor, stupid guy. At this age, I can already recite at least 300 Tang poems. Last night, when I was going to the bathroom, I passed Dad's room and heard a sound inside, and I suddenly wanted to hear what they were doing.I stuck to the door and heard the woman laughing and panting, what are they doing?Certainly not a good thing!What a bad woman!When I went back, I secretly poured glue on the little girl's hair. In the morning, her hair was all stuck, and she cried in pain. I saw that woman hugging Dad, I was so sad, I wanted to cry but couldn't.I ran downstairs, the little girl was drawing on the ground, and saw that I was called "sister", I walked over, pushed her to the ground, and warned her to call her sister again, and I beat her to death.She cried, and I ran away quickly, crying while running. When that woman saw my teacher, she claimed to be my mother. I wanted to say, she wasn't, but I couldn't tell. I had to stand beside her obediently. I was afraid that others would say that I had no tutor.My father said that my mother is the most temperamental and elegant woman in the world. How can I be said to have no tutor? The little girl learned arithmetic, she came to ask me a question, I smiled and told her, you are stupid, do you know that?These things are so simple that individuals can do them.She pursed her mouth as if she was about to cry. I showed her my award-winning painting, and pointed to her painting and told her that it was ugly. Don’t hang it next to me. I feel very ashamed.She tore up her drawing in tears, threw away the crayons, and told the woman she didn't like drawing. I like to call the little girl sister in front of everyone. They always like to say to their children, Xu Qiu looks more like a sister, but the little girl no longer calls me "sister", am I happy?I am not happy!Why?have no idea.I should be happy, yes, I want to be happy! Dad and that woman went out to eat, and there was only me and the little girl at home. The little girl was watching TV after dinner. She used to like drawing and dancing, but she gave up.Now she has become a person who does nothing but lie on the sofa and watch TV.I was drawing in my room, and for some reason I drew this picture, it turned out to be a little girl. There is a sketch in the diary. A little girl is drawing with her head down. The corner of the drawing is Xu Qiu's signature. Whether it is a drawing or a signature, one can feel the artist's talent. Since I laughed at the little girl in front of her classmates last time, the little girl started avoiding me, it's so boring!I decided to change a game. I bought two grass dolls and told the little girl that we were one for each of us. Her eyes were bright and she was very happy. She timidly asked me if it was true?I am very kind and honest, we will water together in the future, wait for the doll to grow grass, and see whose hair grows.She is very happy. I gave half of my candy to the little girl. The woman and the little girl were very happy, and I was also very happy. Seeing them so sad, a little candy can buy their happiness. I told the little girl that she could call me sister, she was very happy, and asked me again and again if it was really okay?I mean it, she called immediately, I said yes, and she and I both laughed. I encouraged the little girl to participate in the school poetry recitation competition. The little girl said she couldn't do it. My plan worked.In the poetry recitation competition, the little girl made a big fuss in front of the whole school. Everyone laughed, and I laughed too.I thought she was going to cry, but she just stared at me. I couldn't laugh, but I thought it didn't make sense, so I still laughed.She threw away the straw doll, and I threw away my own, which was originally a fishing bait, just to lure her into the bait. ... Xu Qiu's diary is very short, and he doesn't write it every day, sometimes he only writes a little for half a year.I can feel that she is not a person who is used to pouring out her thoughts.But just these few words, I can roughly see the growth and change of Xu Qiu and Malatang. I saw Xu Qiu taste the sweetness from his own cleverness and gradually develop it; I saw that Malatang became more and more inferior, More and more timid, she wrapped herself in a heavier and heavier shell, so wrapped that she wished she could become invisible.As their father's official position became higher and higher, Uncle Xu spent less and less time with them at home. Often, the two sisters lived with an old nanny. For a while, Uncle Xu was sent to other provinces, probably because of The educational environment in Beijing is better, so the two sisters are kept in Beijing.In a way, the two sisters are each other's only family, but instead of being companions, they hate each other. I read page by page, and I feel disgusted and pitiful towards Xu Qiu. Behind her seemingly brilliant and colorful appearance is a lonely, lonely, twisted soul. She always pays attention to the shadow around her—— Malatang, her game is to approach, hurt, stay away, and get closer again. I even began to wonder whether she hurt her because she hated Malatang, or deliberately hurt her to attract Malatang's attention. Time is getting closer to Xu Qiu's going abroad, and my heart is getting heavier and heavier. At this time, Malatang and Xu Qiu are already at odds, but Xu Qiu no longer bothers to use her scheming on Malatang. She reveals more in her diary. The contempt for Malatang and the proud announcement that one of them is excellent and the other mediocre is because her mother is an excellent woman, while Malatang's mother is an uneducated and uneducated woman. After going abroad, Xu Qiu was omnipresent with her intelligence and talent. She enjoyed being chased by men around her, but she ridiculed and scorned them in her diary. She met Song Yi at a party of the Chinese Student Association.In fact, she never mentioned Song Yi's name, but I am sure that this "he" is Song Yi. I have never seen a person who can smile so brightly and cleanly, but is there still sunshine behind the sunshine?Everyone has a dark side, what is his dark side? It's funny, I gave him the phone, but he didn't call me, life happens to be too poor, and I like to use my brain. My friend was having a party on the beach, and I heard that he would go, so I went too. I wore a beautiful dress and brought my violin.After the barbecue, everyone lit candles and sat around on the beach to chat. My friend asked me to play a song. I readily agreed and stood far away from them on purpose. I gave him a silhouette of the sea and chose "Blessings of Love" .Because the sea under the sky full of stars makes people lonely. I heard that he can write ancient poems, so I believe he will understand.At the end of the song, even the foreigners in the distance were applauding. I hurried back, just wanting to see his eyes clearly, admiring him, but nothing unusual. He played my violin and showed him my sketches. Although it was not enough to give him a ballet, he cleverly invited me to dance.Such a passionate Latin dance, I fluttered in his arms like a butterfly, but he was still not tempted!It's really shocking. From childhood to adulthood, for boys, sometimes a sketch of their meditation, with my signature next to it, is enough to make them give up.What is he after? I was planning to take in a stray dog, so I called him and told him that my car had broken down, but I had made an appointment with a charity to pick up the stray dog, and asked if he could give me a ride, and he agreed.I picked up the ugliest dog from the Internet. I guess no one would want it without me.When he saw the dog, he was also taken aback and said I was special.I am very special. He's come to deliver dog food a few times, and I've subtly tricked him into inviting me and the dog for a walk.In fact, boys are not difficult to control, as long as you have enough smiles and gentleness, they will easily carry out your hints, but they think they are taking the initiative. I showed him my donation to the Hope Project, and I showed him the letters written to me by children.He and I jointly funded the education of two children in Guizhou.He often comes over to deliver dog food to the dogs.I often go to see him play basketball and draw sketches on the side of the basketball court, how strange!I no longer draw sketches for others to see, I just want to draw him, I don’t even pay attention to the form of expression, and whether it is beautiful, I just try to catch my momentary feeling, but he loves these sketches, his eyes China is not just appreciation. Taking the dog out to play, I use the violin to imitate the barking of the dog and play the violin, and sing with the dog.I am neither elegant nor beautiful, but he looks at me and laughs. On Valentine's Day, he called me and asked me out.I asked, do you know what day it is today?He said he knew.I agreed.I'm really happy, I never thought I'd be happy that a boy asked me out, it scares me, but it's so sweet. happy?Is this feeling happy?I feel that I am not myself. I am used to hiding myself in the dark, watching and analyzing others, but he leads me to run in the sunshine. The sunshine in California is too bright, but he is more brilliant than the sunshine in California. I stopped, put down the coffee in my hand, replaced it with wine, and took a few sips before continuing. Say goodbye to him, I have already reached the ticket gate, he suddenly pulled me back and kissed me, I am not used to exposing my heart to others, I only let him touch my lips lightly, and then pushed away he.He is like a sun, who can express himself unscrupulously. I am attracted by his flying and bright, but I am not used to his straightforwardness and flying.I also fly, but my flying is deliberately created, just a scenery for outsiders to see, his flying is natural, it is his truest heart, he does not understand our differences, but I know it clearly. New York is probably the real international city. On the island of Manhattan, there are a group of the richest people in the world and a group of the most down-and-out people in the world.During the day, everyone shares all the streets, but at night each street belongs to wanderers from different countries.Is there another city in the world with such a strong contrast between light and dark?I love New York, I think it resembles me. He fell in front of me with his clothes disheveled in a coma, and the broken vase splashed my skirt wet.He picked up the flowers on the ground and handed them to me, and said with a smile: "Miss, if I fall down, it's only because of your excessive beauty." Everyone was laughing and screaming, only me and his eyes were cold.One moment, he was having sex with a woman on the stairs, and the next moment, he invited me to dance with him, saying that I had the same color eyes as him. Today, I tried marijuana. He recommended that I use marijuana with spirits, which I tried. He gave me white powder, I refused, he laughed, timid?I told him that I was attracted to hell, but not planning to fall into hell.He sucked a little, then kissed me, in the dark, just me and him, I didn't refuse. If he is light, then he is darkness. When he called me, I felt that I longed for light, but when I saw him gracefully holding up the wine glass and inviting me, I felt that I longed to be with him. drunk. I drank a few sips of wine and cleared my mind. Xu Qiu is used to hiding herself, so her diary is short and vague. There are two him in it, one is Song Yi, and the other should be her new acquaintance in New York A person, a person who fell in front of her.For some reason, I suddenly remembered the man who kissed the back of my hand. I couldn't explain how I felt, my heart hurt badly, and I took a rest before I dared to continue looking down. We shared a weed and I asked him why he didn't use white powder and he said it was because I didn't want to go to hell either.He can smoke, but the number of times is strictly controlled, and he will not become addicted.He kisses me and I tell him I have a boyfriend and he smiles nonchalantly. We had a relationship, and he used coercion, but I don’t want to say that I am an innocent raped person. Women may desire to be conquered in their bones. He just fulfilled my hidden desire. He was surprised that I was a virgin. My answer It was to give him two slaps.I had my first argument with him on the phone. I let out a long breath. The first half of this paragraph should be about Xu Qiu and that person, and the last sentence should be about her and Song Yi. When we had dinner with a client and met him, we never thought that we would meet in a bright place one day. We were all surprised by each other's identities, pretended to meet for the first time, and shook hands like normal people.At the end of dinner, I got a call from him, and while I was talking to him, he also walked into the elevator, which was just the two of us, and put his hand under my clothes.My bf was talking love to me on the phone while I was panting at the hands of another man, I knew he was doing it on purpose, he enjoyed manipulating and fooling people, which is exactly what I was doing. I quarrel with him more and more times, every time I provoke and irritate him.And I found out sadly that the reason for my provocation turned out to be because of guilt, how could I feel guilty?I thought this emotion had disappeared from my life.If I tried to find darkness from him but was disappointed, then I might become the biggest darkness in his life.Could it be that if I can't find it, I just make it? I told him my boyfriend was coming to New York for work.He laughed, you haven't thrown your little brother away yet?I don't know how to answer. The moment I saw him at the airport, my heart was so strangely soft that it didn't feel like my heart.We ate together, chatted together, and watched DVDs together. In the evening, he kissed my forehead and went back to his own residence.He treats me like the purest princess, but he doesn't know that I'm a dancer of the night. I called and told him I would not see him again and that was the end of my relationship with him.He smiled and said, when you get tired of playing prince and princess with your little brother, you know where to find me.I laughed too and told him I would know how our wedding invitations got to you. Two of my stupid colleagues were transferred, and they didn't know who made them stumble until they left.I helped them pack their things and sent them downstairs. They were grateful to me, and I sneered under a smile.He came to pick me up for dinner, but I suddenly became irritable and had a big fight with him.I'm not an angel, but they like to treat me like an angel, I feel lonely. After all, the island of Manhattan is very small, and we have not seen each other for half a year. On Christmas Eve, we finally met in Times Square.Across the sea of ​​people, I still feel my soul longing to run to him. I have already left the body, and my boyfriend is still holding my hand, happily celebrating the New Year with the crowd.He took the hand of his girlfriend and walked towards us through the crowd. I wanted to escape, but I was eager, so I could only watch him approaching step by step.He greeted me, shook hands with my bf, and it was instant graciousness, this man has come to fool others again!I looked at the ignorance of the people around me with sorrow and pity.I suddenly hated his kindness and ignorance. I couldn't control myself and quarreled with him on Christmas Eve.What I said hurt him badly.But I actually want to protect him, to protect him from my harm? ! I used a little trick to make his well-born girlfriend see something she shouldn't see, and she slapped him.He knew I did it, and he knew I was getting revenge on him for fooling my boyfriend on Christmas Eve.He didn't care, he just pushed me into a corner and kissed me hard, but after I struggled a few times, I hugged him and kissed him more fiercely than him.It turns out that I am a flower that only blooms in the dark. I am becoming more and more lazy now. Many times, I am too lazy to pursue those who offend me.However, I can't tolerate others offending my boyfriend.I asked him if he mind?He said that he would use his abilities to make the rumor disappear.But I hated people associating him with those dark and nasty things, so I lit a fire, and the original rumorer said goodbye to Wall Street completely, and his wife swept all his fortune.But my boyfriend didn't know anything, and still focused on doing his own thing in his own way.On the contrary, he was a bystander who was very clear. He said to my eyes, you know?You have an evil soul. I found that Xu Qiu emphasized the words "my boyfriend" more and more frequently, and often wrote these words with strength that could cut through the paper. Is she using this method to warn herself to remember Song? Yi's existence? Our quarrels became more and more frequent. I didn't know what I wanted to do. When I was impulsive, I proposed to break up, but when he really turned around and left, I was afraid.I don't want to dance in the dark all my life. I like the way he makes my heart soft. I like the way he smiles at me. I hug him and say sorry to him over and over again.His proud smile has been dimmed by me. What I like is being destroyed by me. Should I let go?Should I let go? The little girl has kidney failure, the father is anxious, the useless woman is crying, I don't feel sad.It just feels ridiculous.The world is chaotic, God said he will reward the good and punish the evil, so why not me?But the little girl? I finally tried white powder and it was what it was like to try heaven at the cost of hell.Even he looked at me with worried eyes, warning me not to take the initiative to look for white powder.I put my arms around his neck and asked, what are you afraid of?He said, I'm afraid you really fall into hell.I asked, didn't you open the gates of hell for me and invite me in?He touched my cheek without saying a word, and finally said, break up with that little brother!I laughed at him, the person who caused you to lose tens of millions cannot be called a little brother.He got angry and punished me by pinning me down.My body is sinking and my soul is rising, my body is laughing and my soul is weeping. We fought again, I scolded him, hugged him again, begged him to forgive, for the first time my boyfriend didn't say anything, didn't hug me back, he just stared at me with sad eyes, as if he wanted to see me deep in the soul.I was afraid, and held him tightly, as if I wanted to stuff myself into his heart. If I was there, would I have no darkness, only light?Will I not feel lonely? The little girl was going blind, and my father asked me if I wanted to go back to see her, but I found an excuse and refused.I don't have the energy to act as a sister. If she wants to blame, she blames God for being blind. My boyfriend hasn't contacted me or answered my calls for a week since our last fight.I was dancing when he called me.He asked if I could take a week off, he wanted to go out alone with me.My dance steps slowed down, but my dark dance partner was not happy, and wanted to throw my phone, I could only hug him and use my body to calm his anger.My boyfriend asked on the phone, is it ok?I said ok and hung up the phone.As the dance steps flew, my tears fell, I knew that I was about to lose him, my light, and from now on, I would dance with darkness forever. This is the last paragraph of the diary. It seems that Xu Qiu did not take the diary to Huangshi. I drank the rest of the wine in one gulp, still feeling depressed, so I poured another glass.Walking to the window and opening the curtains, the morning sun has already dawned outside, and the whole city is bathed in fresh morning light. In the small garden downstairs, people who are doing morning exercises gradually gather, some are boxing, some are dancing swords.I put down my wine glass, ran downstairs, and followed a group of old men and women doing Tai Chi. After a set of boxing, they smiled at me, and I smiled at them too. Looking up, the sun is shining on the branches of the trees, and under the breeze, the leaves tremble, and a little bit of golden light, like crumbled gold, shines beautifully. I squinted my eyes and made a hug gesture to the sun.In this world, darkness always coexists with light. We cannot escape the darkness, but we can always choose to embrace the light.